Five Fundamental Questions to Unlock Your True Potential and Live a Fulfilling Life | Podcast EP. 15

is this all there is have you ever asked yourself that question before like you closed a big deal and you're like is this all there is or you know you you find yourself you know quote-unquote successful but maybe not feeling satisfied maybe not feeling like like the work you're doing is really impactful or or you know at the end of the day like that you're in alignment with what you really value that maybe just became about making money and doing deals and you were just in that rat race and that you know in that little hamster wheel running and running and running and running and running so here's the thing entrepreneurs leaders salespeople we all want to create consistent repeatable and scalable ways to grow our business and our income and we want to do it better faster and more seamlessly why so we can actually enjoy our lives take vacations and spend a quality time that we want with the people that we love how do we do all this without spending a fortune or running ourselves ragged that's the big question and this show is dedicated to the answer so many of us have heard in our lives that our life's experience the memories that we have the impact that we make is in many cases determined by the quality of the questions that we ask ourselves and go deep and take the time to answer let me say it to you again your whole life everything you do and achieve is in direct correlation to the quality and basically the type of question that you ask yourself and the deeper the question the more interesting the question the better the question the better the answers the better the clarity you have to move forward powerfully in your life now you might be asking why am i bringing this up my team and I were just chatting the other day and we're reflecting on how I feel I got here and I don't know if you know this but you know growing up in the environment that I grew up in surrounded by sales and marketing and phone calls and you know motivation and all this stuff I got wrapped up early on in I don't want to call it being showy but just you know trying to keep up with the Joneses always trying to you know get to the next level and make more money and you know get the house and get the car and and you know it was all good you know no complaints no regrets but I remember sitting there around early January 2003 and if you could remember that time you know the market was just bananas you know internet boom and bust real estate economy was just flying everything was moving so quickly and at that time I was running a family business and you know the family business was wildly successful and everybody was doing really well but I would wake up certain days of the week just thinking to myself like is this all there is have you ever asked yourself that question before like you closed a big deal and you're like is this all there is or you know you you find yourself you know quote-unquote successful but maybe not feeling satisfied maybe not feeling like like the work you're doing is really impactful or or you know at the end of the day like that you're in alignment with what you really valued that maybe just became about making money and doing deals and you were just in that rat race and not you know in that little hamster wheel running and running and running and running and running and at that time in my life you can imagine I had you know two young kids and I had been married for you know quite some time and so the money thing not that I was so wealthy that I could never work but I'd figured out you know solving up problems and you're gonna make money but I remember waking up repeatedly just thinking to myself is this it and and unfortunately that thought that question remember the quality of the questions that you ask yourself you keep asking yourself things like is this it and after a while the answer is no and and I found myself saying well what else is there and who could I turn to that could help me now I've been very blessed as I mentioned you to have a lot of incredible mentors coaches it friends people with wisdom in all walks of life and experience and you know personally and professionally that you know have always been very kind to answer my questions and help help me move forward so I remember at that time I knew I needed to hire someone that had had really done something extraordinary I'm sure like you listening this right now like you know like if you're listening to right now you know you have something super extraordinary in you and like me you're just trying to tap into it what is it how do I get it how do I get it out how do i how do I have like insanely great life full of joy happiness impact like really creating a legacy so I reached out to a guy named Mike Vance and boy I'd say when I think of Mike the impact this man made in my life was so extraordinary if you if you don't know the name you should absolutely google it Mike Vance va-nc high level just high level when to the Korean War was a was a minister first and you know often the Korean War came back out was a minister again you know in Ohio and found himself basically doing television and you know some early radio stuff and it was pretty interesting you know people got a kick out of it and he did a thing and I want to I'm gonna probably totally screw this up it was like you know men at the top I think was the name of the show and I know that sounds horribly sexist in a 20-19 environment but you know that was like the show they were interviewing not unlike you know thinking Grow Rich you know when Napoleon Hill was interviewing the 500 most successful entrepreneur businesspeople at the time right so Mike was doing the same thing and a young guy you know pretty enthusiastic caught wind of it heard that he was going to be in town sort of talking about what he had learned from all these amazing people and he walked up to him at the end of his seminar and you know Mike was up on stage doing his thing kind of you know just synthesizing and codifying what he had learned from all these remarkable people and you know with his background and creativity and the military and everything else is quiet little gray suit a guy named Walt Disney walked up and said hey I'd like you to come work for me and Mike was busy with all all kinds of ventures but he said there was just something about he said that was just so special and he said well what would you have me do and he said I don't know and he said why don't you just join me and we'll figure it out like a typical sort of Walt Disney ask story well the long long story short he ended up joining Walt and spent a little bout eight and a half nine years there launched Orlando as we know it was the first Dean of the Disney University and for the longest time had the title of ideas and people development so I'd like you to imagine you know being in Burbank with Walt Disney and his creative team and your job is basically to just come up with ideas and help make people extraordinary you know Mike was in seventh heaven right he was being exposed to you know the Salvador Dali's of the world and you know these extraordinary you know artists and influencers and businesspeople they you know they created as I mentioned Disney you and later on you saw things like hamburger U and then Jack Welch's University and so many others had followed that same train he was such a pioneer and you know having the sort of influence of someone like Walt Disney who kept pushing the envelope to say do more be more creative think outside of the box right let's help more people this man was extraordinary and when I reflect on my time with him I think a lot about I he would tell me about his time when he was mentoring a young guy named Steve Jobs and interesting enough that story very similar to how he was recruited to go to work for Disney he was doing an event in Santa Monica after he worked for Disney and he was you know writing books and sort of talking about this Disney experience of how they did what they did how do you create the you know the creative juices flowing but also build like a world-class business and serve and surprise and delight clients and create revenue and profits and everything else and he said I was doing this talk and I'm in Santa Monica and I'm doing my thing and it ends and I get a nice little round of applause and this young guy walks up to me and he says you know hi my name is Mike Markkula and if you know that name if you're a Silicon Valley fan or a fan of Apple you know that he was the first guy to stroke a check for about two hundred and fifty thousand dollars into what we know is Apple today boy think about that investment and he said look I've got these young guys up in Silicon Valley there aren't Rod's are building these personal computers and I think if they had a little of your influence and your insight boy these guys could really do something great and you know Mike being who he was said let's do it and he spent a week with them and basically taught them how Disney did it right the sort of Disney strategy to building a company and people development product development idea exchange etc and you know throughout his career I can go on for days I think you get the essence this guy was an extraordinary human being he worked closely with a young guy named Jack Welch who we know came on or later was known as arguably one of the greatest CEOs of all time right ran GE turned it into just the monster conglomerate that it was and you know some people would think of Neutron Jack which was sort of the early days you'll need to be number one number two in your world or will terminate you or you think about Jack Welch who has really spent the last ten years really giving back to as many people as he could to help them run better businesses to become you know a better executive a better manager but you know this was a typical day for Mike Vance was to talk to Steve then talk to Jack and then as he would say to me he said that I talked like Mother Teresa we'd have these just fascinating conversations he has a whole whole thing about nuns there was just something about nuns and you know the church that he just loved to engage with and be silly and fun and creative but I guess this guy just saw the world differently so if you can imagine Here I am asking myself over and over again is this it like is this all it is have I have I worked this hard have I trained this hard if I made these hundreds of thousands of calls have I you know collected these shekels and bought a couple houses like is this it like is this all there is is this what success really feels like is this all there is and I reached out to a mentor to a coach and I called him I said Mike I know I know you don't actually coach even though you know a lot of people referred to you in that vein I said you're more of a consultant and you've got your agency and you know you've got all the creative thinking Association of America and all these other businesses you're involved in I said but I really just need time I said I'm really stuck I'm at that cross in life we're either I'm gonna go left or right or I could be stuck here and that just doesn't sound like a good option and he said look I don't really coach people the way you talk about it I said but you know if there was a fee like what could it be and you know that was probably the wrong question to ask he's like how about like four thousand dollars an hour and I was like uh you know 2003 I'm like four thousand dollars an hour like you know can I get 15 minutes but I knew I needed time with this guy needed his wisdom I needed his longevity on the planet I needed his different points of view and different questions so I said okay I'll take it matter of fact can I have a couple hours with you and he said look just fly to Miami we'll spend some time together and whatever happens happens and I remember just thinking to myself okay I'm in so you know I'm just like you I'm running and I'm gonna and I'm doing seminars all over the place I'm busy you know raising my kids and you know talking to my wife and okay I'm hiring this guy I'm gonna go to Miami she's like why are you going there I'm like I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out like Farrah what's the next five 10 20 years gonna look like and you know because if it's just gonna be more of the same I'm not sure if this is really what I want to do and you know being a lovely loving wife she was like baby like go figure it out right cuz I need you to have certainty right you having too much uncertainty makes the family uncertain and that's not a good thing for any one of us a go figure it out love my wife so you know I get on the airplane and I remember just opening up my journal and I'm dating myself like leather-bound journal and the first question I wrote down was Mike you've spent all this time with Walt Disney Mother Teresa Jack Wald Steve Jobs I mean heck you invented the salad bar like you know you're so creative you've done so many things I asked this question like what do all those people have in common and if you can imagine I had you know like 20 more questions beyond that you know what he thinks the future of this and what he thinks gonna happen here and you know where would you you know maybe plant a flag in the ground all the all the searching questions that you can imagine at a time and you know someone's life when you're at a crossroads and by the way you could be at a crossroads at 20 30 50 80 90 like you know we all experienced this this time in our life where we've been going and going and going and going and you just stop and you breathe and you say is this it right is this head so I get to Miami and in typical Mike style like there's Cuban coffee which if you never had Cuban coffee you should have Cuban coffee I'd I would describe it as I don't know take a regular coffee and put it on steroids right like you know it's very its high-octane fuel basically and and wine so we've got Cuban coffee and wine and it's like you know 9:30 10:00 in the morning and I'm like okay and he said this is my creative process have a sip of wine you know do a little Cuban coffee with me and like let's hear about like what are you thinking about and I said Mike I just you know first of all thank you so much I honor you so much and the work you've done and the impact you've had with so many people and you know a lot of people have written about this guy and just who he is on the planet is just extraordinary and I said would you just take the time to answer it to the best of your ability all these questions and he's like yeah sure what's it you know what's the first question and I said again like you're reiterating like you know you have spent time with Mother Teresa Steve Jobs Jack Welch Walt Disney like all these extraordinary human beings what do they all have in common what do all these extraordinary people have in common and I thought what a great you know sort of launching pad into all the other things I want to get into well consider this mike is 6 for big puffy curly hair so kind of look like he's 6 6 stalks him very fast is you know huge vocabulary super fun to be around very energetic and he said Tom it's really simple he said they've all answered the five fundamental questions and they live by him what's your next question I said come again he said they've all answered the five fundamental questions and they live by him and he laughed and he said what's your next question well of course you can imagine immediately I was like boom flip flip flip in the journal what are the five questions and he said I'm so glad you asked he said Tommy these are the kind of questions that basically one of two things are gonna happen he said you could just as easily end up in India searching for a meditation guru smoking weed for the rest life because these questions are so deep so so profound and yet so simple they're going to put you on whatever is your natural path right the natural path your natural DNA and I said okay and you kind of have me a little nervous like I don't want to go to India nothing against India but like you know married in kids and life and I'm like what does that mean and he said I said well what's the alternative he says the alternative is you once and for all decide who you are how you want your life to be you create a framework for how you make decisions and how you govern your life and you find more joy and more happiness not in the future but right now in the process and I was like okay I'm in like give me the five questions he said listen these are simple questions but the answers he said you're probably not gonna get it immediately he said we'll talk about it today he said but I just want to I want to forewarn you like you might end up spending eighteen months to two years answering these questions now of course I don't know if that time he was like baiting me on or trying to you know hook me into the significance of it but I remember just thinking to myself okay I'm willing like I'm a willing student I will take the next 18 months I will take the next two years I will do whatever it takes because I don't want this feeling I don't want this feeling of I've worked and worked and worked and worked and I've succeeded and succeeded and succeeded but I wasn't feeling it I wasn't happy I wasn't grateful write it like a new suit or a new car a new house or another trip wasn't giving me the joy the juice the the emotional charge right it was just another thing so I said okay tell me what are the questions he said Tom question number one and they've all answered is they deeply understand their purpose and why they're here so the question is what's your purpose why are you here what's your purpose why are you here now I'm gonna reflect and go a little side note about a year before this I was running a mastermind group and I brought in a guy named Deepak Chopra and if you know that name whether you've seen him on TV or the radio if you read one of his countless books you know he was really at the heyday of his career he Wayne Dyer Stuart Wilde kind of what I refer to as sort of my holy spiritual trifecta of thinking all three of those men had tremendous impacts on my life I had hired Deepak to do an event with about 90 you know insanely successful real estate rockstars and one of the exercises that he had us do now if you know Deepak is very very spiritual you know but he but also a scientist so you know kind of you know kind of right-brain left-brain if you will both sides of the heart and head he said partner up with somebody and what I want you to do is just whisper in their ear why are you on this planet what's your purpose why are you here and just have them answer and when your partner answers ask the question again and then ask it again and again and again and again so if you can imagine just in this this fascinating you know 20 minute exercise myself and all these others you know very progressive thinking out-of-the-box crazy entrepreneurial rock star real estate sales professionals all maybe searching for the similar things that I was searching for took the time to answer these questions what's your purpose why are you here if I was sitting with you right now I would literally ask you the question I whisper in your ear and I would just keep saying you what's your purpose why are you here and the first time you might say I'm a mother I'm a spouse I'm a sales person I'm a child of God I'm here to have an impact I'm here to make a difference right you would just you just be answering all these sort of I don't know I would say dare I say natural answers to that question but it's it's in going deep and taking the time to keep saying but why are you really here like what do you really want from this life like why are you on this planet and I'm telling you my friends this is so important because we live in a distraction environment we live in an environment where you're you're literally turning on and maybe tuning out you know for to see thousand sales messages a day people trying to grab your attention in the car on your iPhone right I mean just it's a noisy noisy world today and you've got a lot of outside factors and people trying to influence you from politics and religion and family and friends and co-workers and maybe your boss and your loved one that are all trying to get you to you know operationalize around something the reason why he kept sending me this was so important is he said Tom there's basically two kinds of people on this planet there's people that have a vision for their life there's people that have a vision for their life and that could be vision for your life in your business and then there's people that don't and he said I know that sounds simple he said but understand the people that don't end up basically working their entire life to help somebody else achieve their vision and I remember saying to him but wait a minute like well what if you know what if I'm inside of business and I'm you know I'm a you know a director in some department or I'm a sales associate or you know a VP or whatever right and he said Tom listen to me the director the sales associate the client services rep the receptionist when he or she has a vision for their life then they are in tune with the work that they have to do their purpose why they show up for work every day and the difference they make and they're doing it on their terms to achieve their goals their vision to experience what they want to experience inside of another entrepreneurs environment so it was really profound we spent a lot of time just talking about this and I guess at the end of the day what I would challenge you on is maybe writing up on your bathroom mirror what's my purpose like why am I really here like you know what what is it that you want to create as the mark on this planet right what do you want to do and and I hope as you hear that you think of so many positive impacts you can make whether it is you know mentoring a bunch of you know underprivileged kids or helping to you know raise the collective consciousness of your own neighborhood maybe just getting your five closest friends to start reading books right there's there's so many positive things that you can do when you tap into why you're really on this planet right we you and I both know this so the overarching thing is answer that question get it up on your bathroom mirror start journaling on it because what he was really saying was have a vision for your life right he said you know Steve Jobs had a vision for his life Jack Welch had a vision first like mother Teresa my goodness have you read all of the you know all the work and literature that was done in her life you know I'll totally screw up this story and someone will Google and get the exact version but you know in her biography she talked about that the Catholic Church was you know writing her letters and requesting please you know come back to Italy and and will shower you with gold and you know robes of silk and her response was I can't because I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing I'm on my vision I'm on my plan right it was beautiful so that was question number one what's your purpose why are you here then he said to me question number two they all took the time to answer and really understand what are my god-given talents now if it if it matters to you you could take the word God out and just say what am i you know what are my talents like what's my superpower so I remember him saying that and I said well can you give me an example an he said well you know Jobs wasn't the best engineer but what he understood was design feel and he understood what the customer wanted before the customer even wanted it and he was a master at leading teams and charging teams and yes we've all heard this the horror stories of how intense he was but we've also heard the people that just swear by him that worked with him for you know years and decades and multiple different companies and say you know they would just they would run through walls to help realize his vision Jack Welch same thing Walt Disney's same thing right so I'd ask you like what would you do that moves the needle and you know moves the needle in your life in your business your health your relationships your income like that impacts others right that impacts others what do you do that really moves the needle and impacts others and helps you fulfill your purpose right so you know what are your god-given talents what do you do that's effortless what do you do that you could do all day long that was an easy one for me to answer I wrote down coach create connect and contribute c4 right and you know c4 is like that you know military putty that explodes and I thought that was kind of a funny little sort of metaphor for my own brain but like when I'm doing those four things it's effortless right having this conversation with you right now it's effortless right I love it right whether there's one person listen this or a million people that listeners it doesn't make a difference to me right it's my contribution it's it's my creativity it's my coaching right it's my connection what are your god-given talents but now ready do they move the needle right do they impact others and will those god-given talents fulfill your purpose he said that was the alignment the first two that that every one of these people in Tommy said all the most successful people I've ever worked with they all had this like this is why I'm here this is the vision this is the mission this is my purpose these are my skills this is what I'm masterful at this is what I can do all day long 24/7 and do it and feel fulfilled key distinction do it and feel fulfilled if I asked you on a side note what are some of the things you do every single day because you have to do it or because you've always done it or you know the business requires it but it leaves you completely energy drained like you hate doing it one of the key distinctions that I work on with people is like look do your superpower and delegate everything else do the stuff that's fulfilling for you if I like do the stuff that moves the needle do the stuff that's impactful do the stuff that when you're done you look down at your watch and you're literally like whoa wait a minute that was three hours oh my god like time flies right what are those skills if you've been listening mere while you know like I talked about like running plays that work versus doing dumb right like if you can operationalize your life in your business around running plays that work that helped fulfill your purpose that ultimately impact others and move the needle emotionally physically mentally financially spiritually in your relationships my friend you're not working anymore that that's not work right that is like joy and happiness and impact on steroids so the first two questions what's your purpose why are you here the second question what are your god-given talents what do you do that moves the needle what do you do that's impacting for other people and that ultimately fulfills on your purpose and you and I both know what do you do you stop doing the stuff that isn't on that list and you spend more time doing what was on that list and that's exactly what Mike was saying to me then he asked me I think one of the most important questions for me at that time he said Tom they all got very clear on their values and specifically what they value and I remember looking at him saying you know I came from a divorced family I feel like I had like two sets of values her at my mom's side and then you know my dad's side and you know no right or wrong in that statement but you know they were yin and yang very different you know so I said I kind of feel pulled in that area and he said he starts laughing and he said no Tom those are your parents values what do you value and I was like oh and he's like I'm asking you to consciously list out the things that matter most to you you know truth integrity you know wisdom friendship love connection and I started listing all these things out I'm like yeah writing you success ambition like you know you could imagine right if you if you actually consciously said I am a sum total of the of the sort of experiences that I had right the time I had with my parents or maybe in the military or maybe a super impactful mentor or an uncle and aunt a teacher who really moved the needle and helped shape who you are he said Tom all of that is great but I'm asking you to decide what do you value knowing what you know now what truly matters and you know I started writing and writing and writing and then I said wait a minute tell me why and he said it goes back to the first question you're going to get inundated you my friend listen to this right now you know this you get inundated with inputs right call it stimulus response right stimulus response and one of my mentors which we should do a whole show on Bill Mitchell would say to me all the time right the the most successful people on the planet are the ones that take the split-second moment to think in between stimulus and response stimulus and response right something happens we react or something happens a request comes in a request for time a request for a meeting an idea something you might want to you know add into your business and and what Mike said was you need to stop and reflect and say how does this fit into my values like is it in alignment with my desires and what I hold to be true and real for me it was so powerful he said Tom the vast majority of people struggle to make good decisions and he said the reason why most people can't make decisions first of all they're not clear on where they're going so they're very easily swayed to go in whatever direction sounds good at the time or the person or situation or circumstances might be pushing them in that direction he said but when you know where you're going and you're clear on what you value things could get thrown at you every single day and you could say no and yes with ease because you know your vision and you know what you stand for you know what you value so I hope you're listening this you're thinking that's not at just a podcast that may be in the car and you know man I hope you're not like oh you're not on the treadmill running right now because this is specifically designed to be a little more heavier conversation like this is where power comes from this is where freedom comes from this is where peace of mind comes from this is where in the face of adversity and upset and challenge I can stay calm and peaceful and have a knowing in my life like not take stuff so damn personally or ever personally because I know why I'm here I know what I'm really good at and I know what I value can you get that like can you can you can you get the the sort of emotional connection of taking the time to answer those three and really taking the time to then ingrain it in which means you operationalize around it right it's in your journal it's on your bathroom mirror you create a vision board about your vision and your purpose you start to operationalize around your god-given talents and you stop doing the stuff that sucks your energy away but instead is the stuff that moves the needle that impacts others that's in alignment with your purpose and all of a sudden you get into that flow state that you hear athletes and rock star salespeople and entrepreneurs and creatives talk about like this oh my god like ten hours just went by it was magical right didn't even feel like work that flow stayed right and then you take the time to list out the things that value you that that you value the most and if you know the exercise Tony Robbins did an excellent job I forget which book this was in or which audio program I listen to where he said the next step is you know he was in this value conversation value elicitation specifically what's important to you about life success business and you list it all out then he said you should do a value ranking right do I value this one or that one and you move it up the needle right you move it up the list and what you want to do is ultimately value rank all of your values so you understand what is your number one value the number one guiding principle that governs your life and number two and number three and number four number five all the way down to maybe seven eight nine ten right this exercise is so powerful and yet remember I said you right that your whole life your whole experience your memories your impact on this planet in a shorter long period of time ultimately comes down to the quality of the questions that you ask and your answers what's your purpose why are you here what are your god-given talents what do you value then he hit me with the question that really helped for me codify number one he said Tom the fourth thing that they all got clear on is he said it's 20 years from now how is the world experiencing you and I remember when he asked that question because you know we've all heard like you know hey it's five years from now if it's as good as it could be you know what would you do what would you have what would it look like but there was just something about the order of the questions that he was giving me right like he was taking me on this journey right he couldn't have just started with that one right I needed to think about my purpose I needed to think about my talents and you know how do you optimize that and and really unleash your your abilities and then what do you value so you make good decisions so you say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things and you know stay the course then he said so then what is the course it's 20 years from now how is the world going to experience you and the question just it it was almost as if I was given permission to write out exactly how I wanted it to be now I had been goal-setting my entire adult life from 18 on I was setting goals and you know you know trained classically Brian Tracy might one of my first coaches Robert Stover and you know all these amazing you know men and women Teresa de Boer at cetera that that helped you know really you know give me the tools and the resource I need to be a goal-setting machine but it was something about the way he said it it's 20 years from now how is the world experiencing you he didn't say to me what do you have he didn't say tell me about the stuff he said how was the world experiencing you and and like what's the impact you're making and he just kept looking at me like like what's gonna be your dent on the planet and I remember when he said dent on the planet I was like wow Mike that like I don't know man like I don't know if I like I don't know if what I do is that big and he said Tom you can dent the planet by cleaning your room today you could dent the planet by smiling at a stranger today you can dent the planet by like cleaning up your own backyard and front yard and showing everybody else in the neighborhood what it could look like he said I'm not saying you're gonna change the world you're gonna change your world and I was like oh got it like that really connected because I was I was nervous right like really like how is the world experiencing me I'm like I don't wanna do anything stupid and crazy and horrible cuz certainly those people get remembered and it's kind of hard to do something really big and meaningful in my mind that would impact and shape the world and I I took that on like it was too much and he calmed me down and said no man it could be something as simple as how do your children experiencing you 20 years from now and I was like oh my goodness right my kids would be my in their 20s like that's insane right so that question you deciding 20 years out your legacy your impact the relationships right the people you're close to right your health your wealth right and your lifestyle and yeah how you got there it was the first time in my life where I got really clear on the kind of man I wanted to be right the kind of legacy I wanted the impact I wanted to make how I wanted to treat people how I wanted to leave every person I had met with right and it really shaped me and yeah of course I wrote you know that hey I wanna have a business that looks like this and I want to travel like this and I want to experience joy and happiness and love with my wife and my children like I was writing all that stuff and more but it was the first time that I actually said you know hey it's December 31st you know 20 years in the future you know 2023 right would have been the time think about that because here we are in 2019 man that was a long time ago but it feels like yesterday there's just simply power my friend in deciding how you want it to be tight taking the time to create almost like a road map for your life right and instead of starting it at Here I am now will I end up there you actually start at the part of gold and work your way backwards right so hey I've been married now for you know 23 years or whatever the number is and my children under this age or hey I finally got married I finally left him or her and found the true love of my life whatever it is right you get it decide how you want it to be the power though isn't taking the time to write it out he said to me Tom every one of these people you're asking about you know Walt Disney was a visual learner everything was up in visual inside Walt's office every goal every dream Walt Disney had and I actually had it in my last office and I've not reinvented I'm looking at my producer right now rich I have not reinvented it in this office but I had it in the last office it was the secret wall where in the old office where I had the black pipe and drape right so so he said to me you know Walt Disney in his office he said you'd come in and you know he had this big office and you know Walt would be sitting there and behind him was like this you know black pipe and drape and he'd hit a button and if you can imagine it's Disney right the whole thing opens up like the old cinemas right and up there he had every dream every creative idea everything he wanted to accomplish right he called it Walt's secret wall I say to people you need to be doing the same thing with all of the sort of signposts along the way of your 20-year vision a few days ago I reread the new 20-year vision that my wife and I put together which we started in 2015 and I remember just you know her and I were together and we were you know dreaming about the future we were thinking about like where we wanted our lives to be and if you know anything about that time in my life I had a scare with cancer melanoma and then my wife had breast cancer a year later so maybe it was just it was just more real for us to really take advantage of every moment of life and to not allow these stupid insignificant moments of a negative post or a negative comment or a deal that falls apart or someone quits someone leaves right all these things that you know used to just bother us and I said maybe we need to cement like how we want our lives to be and I went back to these five questions with Mike and we crafted this 20-year vision well just a couple days ago was the weekly recording or reading of the 20-year vision and now here we are four years into it and the way we wrote it was hey it's December 31st right and I forget the exact year which is hysterical so it goes to be 2035 right 20 years out from you know from 2015 and I said I started out with cap and I've been married for 43 years right more in love today that we've ever been more understanding of each other's strengths and weaknesses honoring our strengths and supporting our weaknesses and helping each other through a better communication like it just it's all this relationship stuff which of course is I'm reading that to my wife you can imagine how she feels right she feels more love more certain knowing that I got her back right and then it goes on to say Michaels 37 37 right my son's 20 right now like 37 you know and the other one steven is is 35 and I'm like and they become so much more than we ever dreamed possible I mean I talk about you know their families and their their relationships and how they offer each other and their friends I'm talking about the vision for our life and yes then it says and we live here and we do this and we have these functions and we you know we have these businesses and I go into all that stuff as well but when I read it it gets a little NAT mark now for my wife when I get into the business stuff and the other areas where I want to have impact in my life what makes her just gets so electrified and create such less drama and stress takes such less garbage personally is when I talk about the family and where we're going and what we're committed to and then as moments happen right just recently with my son in town from from SMU where he goes to college we were talking about a future endeavor something we want to build together a new business and my wife overheard the conversation she said honey that's exactly like the 20-year vision like that's exactly what you were talking about a Mike right so what comes first what comes first right the idea or the fact that I've been planting this seed inside of my family right deciding how we want it to be now I know I'm I don't want to come across preachy in any way shape or form I hope you from my heart of heart to you that it's just it's just easier to make good decisions it's just easier to take less things personally it's just easier to see beyond you know the day-to-day grind over to the horizon where you're going right when you have a clear plan when you've answered that question it's 20 years from now how is the world experiencing you so I challenge you to really decide 20 years out your legacy your impact your lifestyle your relationships your health your wealth and ultimately how you got there right the signposts along the way and even if it isn't totally crystal clear the first time you draft it don't worry about it I modify and tweak mine all the time I keep making it better and more clear so I see these signposts of hey Michael said he wants to do something with us hey we invested in that company and it worked hey we operationalized around this and it's happening hey we started our charitable trust and now we're giving back and we're doing all these things that we said we were gonna do in 2035 and you know what happens just like all those people that Mike Vance was working with they start living into their future not into somebody else's noise or the rat race so then he wraps it up with the last question he said Tom after you've taken the time to answer all these he said he said have you ever heard sort of the how most people think about success this model and I said I'm not sure what you mean tell me and he said do have B and I was like no explain he said C see most people are told go to school get good grades you'll get into a good college you'll get into a good job and then one day you'll start doing the things that really move the needle in your life right a relationship and work and making money and he said if you do all these things enough you do you do you do you do you do then one day you can have stuff you can have a new car you can have a family you could have a nice house and you could have all these things that everybody wants he said and then Tom when you have all that stuff then you could be happy you could be content you could be fulfilled you could be grateful and I looked and I said Mike that's all a bunch of he said I know but that's what the world has been espousing to people that you got to do a lot to have a lot to one day be happy he said the people that I'm talking about the people that you want to know in depth about they flipped it see they all decided who they wanted to be first who they wanted to be first so then the do becomes automatic you see if I know my purpose and I understand my god-given talents and I know what I value and I know where I'm going in the next 20 years who would I be if I was already there that was the question he asked who would you be if you were already there and I was like wow I said who would I be if I was already there and I wrote down happy satisfied abundant joyful contributing giving back sharing pushing people for days member just listing out all these things like he's like Tom those are you're being choices and he said so here's the deal you can either wait and try and correct it when you get there or you can align naturally and start being that person today and I said Mike I've heard this before like another one of my mentors Stuart Wilde used to say you know this you know sort of hysterical Sicilian London accent you know and I'm not even gonna attempt to do it but he would say you know if you're if you're at low levels of energy financially or in your life or your perspective he said you know go into the hotel la-dee-da in your town and don't spend any money just get like a cup of coffee but just hang out with people that are in that vibe hang out with the people that can afford to stay in the hotel la-dee-da and have you know beautiful lunches and champagne he said just be in that experience and you will begin to pick up on the energy and who these people are and that they're no different from you they just made some different choices and the way that they hold themselves and carry themselves and so so as Mike was saying and I'm like I had a point of reference like yeah like I remember like you know going and looking at houses when I was young houses I couldn't afford but like I'd put on a Sood and I'd show huffed in the agent of course knew I was like 12 and probably couldn't afford to buy the house where they'd show it to me anyway and I would visualize myself in those homes so it was the same thing but in this case it wasn't about the home the car the staying in the la-di-da hotel it was about who will you be when you're there and let's try and be that person now now if you know me long enough to know I'm a huge proponent of self-talk that you know what you say to yourself matters and how you talk to yourself matters and if you can create an emotional connection around not what I would call affirmations but affirm actions where you're affirming the actions and the choices that you make in your life and you really get them energized you can actually begin doing grain these being choices so I remember listing out all these choices of who I wanted to be like no different from the values where I was able to shape this is what truly matters to me now I'm saying this is who I need to be to be in alignment with this this is who I need to be to be in alignment with this and of course Mike being Mike immediately flipped it on me and said before you do let me give you a little assignment he said I'd like you to think about the the three women that impacted your life the most and the three men that impacted your life the most he said they could be alive or dead he said could have been a book that you read it could have been a teacher a parent and uncle an aunt a friend a neighbor whoever it was and I remember writing down him my biological mom my stepmom puah and a woman named Mary Hardesty was a real estate agent who took me in when I was like 17 he got kicked out of my parents house and she was just super loving and warm and generous and I found about my grandmother lives Wesley it was an amazing real estate agent way back in the day Huntington Beach California how'd I met my dad I thought about Bill Mitchell just all these people and he said just I want you just to just connect emotionally to those people and then I want you to list out the ten qualities that sort of personify them and he said you know two or three will be strong with one and two or three would be strong with another and that kind of thing but just list them all out so I listed out all those qualities and it was very easy when I was reflecting on you know men and women that had made you know profound impact on my life like who are they what are they all about right what did they value how do they operate how do they carry themselves and I listed it all out and he turned him and he said Tom what you see in them you are what you see in them it's a reflection of you he said you're noticing your greatness inside all of them it's what naturally attracts you to them cuz you know you've got it in you and he said now our jobs to tap into it and he said the easiest thing you can do is just write I am in front of every one of those words and again I know some people are like Oh affirmations when I'm around and I say well by the way that's an affirmation just like my back hurts as an affirmation just like I attract you know a billion dollars a month is an affirmation right like at the end of day what you say to yourself matters so I listed them all out and that became part of my daily ritual of just affirming over and over again those being choices reading and looking at my 20 year vision cementing the values of how I was going to decide no different from every business that is thriving has a set of values in a company that they say this is how we govern this is how we decide is this right for us this is right for our team is this right for our employees is this right for our shareholders right and then staying in my lane on where I might a lence can have the most impact and helping ultimately achieve my purpose so I shared all this with you with the hopes that maybe maybe just maybe you're like I was at in 2003 maybe you're not I hope not but if you are if you've been in that place where you just felt like you've been grinding and grinding and grinding and finding yourself saying okay I guess I'm successful but I'm just not feeling it I'm not feeling the joy the love the passion right when mike said to me who would you be like the top four or five answers for me were happy grateful in a state of joy right feeling good like it was so obvious to me that I needed to make that a priority and that I was following the old model of do have be like if I worked hard enough and I collected enough shed then one day I'm supposed to feel satisfied and happy and it wasn't happening for me and my friend it absolutely was not having it for me I needed a conscious shift I needed to shift around who would I be if I was already there and then as I mentioned that doing became automatic and guess what they have who the have just keeps having along right because we all know the more problems you solve for others the more income you create right and and the having shows up in different ways it's not just monetary it's not just stuff it's memories right being the right person doing the right thing adding more memories every day every week wins etc little ones big ones all the stuff under the Sun which at the end of the day it's just making up the - of my life do you know the poem the - if you haven't read it you should google it the - is basically a poem about the - between the day you were born and the day you die and it's just a beautiful piece of work unfortunately read usually during a very sad moment but when you begin to realize that your life is that - hey born 1970 you know passed away on X Day you know decades later right when you see that - it makes you think yeah that's my life how many really great memories do I want how many great experience do I want how many people do I want to have served in my life how many people do I want to have touched in my life where they may reflect back in there - and say thank God I met her thank God I met him boy yes he was a salesperson who sold me something but it transformed my life or it was a person that introduced me to a business or an idea or a friend or a new set of distinctions ideas and it completely transformed my life how much of that do you want and yes the vacations and the fun and the family it's the whole enchilada my friends so I hope you got some value out of this conversation I wanted to share all this stuff I only have a couple pieces of paper in front of me but my producer has in front of him a whole bunch of questions so rich what's on your mind alright so my producer rich has said Tom you know I've been around you for a while I understand the way you think I've you know sat behind the camera for countless hours filming stuff and so so the question is is there a warning that you would offer to the listener and I guess I would say yes and it would really come down to what is your ARCA perspective you see if your perspective is coming from a fixed mindset coming from a place of lack and doubt and limitation and stuck in the past and worried about what everybody else thinks these questions are very confronting right these these questions are basically I'm sort of punching you in the heart in a loving way and saying this is your life you have to be responsible if you don't want to answer the questions and you want to blame everybody else you're done before you start but if your heart is open and your mind is open and you realize you realize like really in your heart and in your head that there's just so much more in you than these questions will tap into that and again I want to stress you I didn't just sit there with Mike answer all the questions nor did I get on the airplane and fly back from Miami to LA in cement at all it took me 18 months it took me 18 months of you know journaling on it a little bit here and a little bit there and reflecting on it and answering the questions and going back and re looking at the values so so like everything else in life that's worthwhile it's gonna require some time and some work on your part so you know if you're in a weird state right now if you're dealing with a tragedy or something that was really bad for you post-traumatic stress disorder anything a divorce an end something that really rocked your world these could be the most important questions you could ever ask the question is is there is it the right timing right do you need to heal first get through the anger get through the emotion and then start making those big decisions which is sort of following that natural path so I hope I'm finding you at the other end of that where you're deciding how you want it to be or I hope I'm finding you just in a wide-open place like man I just clicked on this podcast randomly I heard about this referred by a friend or you're a longtime listener and someone I get to see all the time and you were just ready to have a coaching moment to really tap into your greatness because that's really what these five questions are about remember how it all started what is Mike Vance Steve Jobs Mother Teresa Walt Disney right Jack well what if they go off in common they'd all answered these questions in the lib byte every single day now notice if I would have asked hey Mike there's 7.2 billion people on the planet how do they operate how do you think he would have answered that question I don't think he would have said they took the time to answer all these questions and design how they wanted their life to be from mother Teresa you know helping people in the passing of their life in Calcutta to Steve Jobs completely changing the landscape of our planet with all things iPhone laptops and everything else right both were on their path Bose that answer all it answered the questions so I hope you're in a good state as you're listening to this because it'll absolutely impact your decisions your choices and even your ability just to answer it like if you find yourselves going I don't know I don't know I don't know shut up right if you did know maybe stand up get your arms in the air maybe jump on a trampoline maybe go for a run maybe like take off all your clothes look in the mirror and say that's what it is that's my life that's the direction I've taken myself now how do I want it to be how do I want it to be if I could get in control what would I do if I could answer the question how would I answer it's all a conversation my friend and the choice is yours so rich just asked me a really great question kind of piggybacking this whole conversation he said you know we're all we're all getting all these external factors so if I'm thinking about answering these five questions if if the five people I spend the most time with aren't answering the questions or aren't willing to answer the questions is that going to impact me and the answer is 1,000% yes now I'm not as naive as I was when I was young I remember being 19 years old and literally being told by a mentor of mine that you have three kinds of people on the planet people that support you people that neutral and people that are negative and he said I want you to make up a list of every person you spend time with and categorize them that was a rough deal cuz I had some family members that were on the neutral list and a few on the negative list and I only had a very small few number of people that were on the positive list and I said okay now that I've done it what do I do and he said you want a nurture and love on and do everything you can to support the people that are on your positive list give them your energy give them your attention the people that are in your neutral list I forget what he said but I swear I called somebody and said you know your neutral my life what could we do about that and it was a family member and it was awkward but the point was look we are a sum total that people who spent our time with right we've all heard it's it's cliche your incomes in direct correlation your health and vitality zin the if you if you're a married couple and you spend a ton of time with other really successful married couples it does give you a framework for how to be in a great relationship so I really asked you to consider you got all these outside factors if you're in the situation where maybe your peer group right isn't the best peer group and no judgment of them this isn't you being righteous and saying I'm better than them or you know look they're on their path honor that they're on their path just like I look at my children everyone everyone that works with us all my clients you're all on your path I'm just trying to give you a leg up push you give you the encouragement to achieve your goals and dreams right so if you're hanging out with a bunch of people that are not willing to answer these questions it's not the other day don't let that be adherent or a deterrent and stop you from moving forward instead go to your quiet place go to the beach go to the mountains go down the street go for a ride on a motorcycle wherever you go to find sanctuary and take the time to answer the questions and you know what you go back and you're sharing with the people that you're closest to and you say hey this is kind of what I'm working on some will be totally inspired by it some will think you're absolutely bananas and the answer is cool either way remember the most successful people on the planet they they have a tremendous capacity to care for others but they don't give a about the good opinions of other people it's a really strange thing like I have an enormous capacity to care right I will care my face off but if you make a negative comment about me it's not via the world like it I don't care if you you know if you decide not to do business with me or you say something drawing I don't care right cuz member I know where I'm going I know what my vision is I know what I value right it's very simple so take the time answer the questions regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in I don't care if you are like the second you don't have actually say the second thing I tell you is I spend a tremendous amount of my time basically connecting with through a book or audio or events people that have done what it is that I want to do right and I don't mean just you know professionally you know relationships spiritual health setting the brain studying you know wealth and wealth creation like if you if you become that kind of learner that no matter your circumstance no matter where you find yourself in the world right now in this moment you know there's this great site called YouTube you can tap into everything you could possibly want to know every mentor type in thinking Grow Rich I think the entire audio book and video is there you can watch an appoint Hill in black and white say how do you do it so nice to meet you and taking you through you know the original 12 chapters my point is you're so blessed that you can tap into all this stuff you just got to decide and do it right we interviewed Jim quick recently the brain coach and he said you got to go from your heart or your head to your heart to your hands right you got to think it you got to feel in your heart and you got to get to work with your hands so don't allow your family your friends the circumstances of today to be like anything other than the catalyst for the change that you want anything other than the growth opportunity because you know what they love you they're just doing their thing they may not want to answer these questions they may not want to create this level of certainty as a few of my mentors would say hey the world needs people like that too right you're just deciding not to be one of them you're deciding to become a very very very small percentage of this planet that perhaps against all odds decides how they want it to be and then operationalizes their life around it that doesn't mean it's all gonna be rosy my friend right everything worthwhile takes time and you're gonna get punched in the face and things are gonna go wrong but the difference is when you've got that 20-year perspective when you know why you're on this planet what you value you understand that those are just roadblocks like little hiccups speed bumps right they're not a catastrophe it's not the end of the world you didn't get stabbed in the back by someone no you don't undertake spectating and you keep moving forward because you're on your journey you're on your vision does that make sense and it doesn't matter if the people around you support you or not you're still gonna keep going for it because that's what extraordinary people do and my friend if you've listened this long that is the esteem I hold you in so I wish you well keep moving forward answer the five questions and be the kind of human being that separates himself from the pack and I don't mean that in a competitive way I mean you just become that person that 5 10 15 20 30 40 years from now everyone's saying do you remember her there was just something about her she was so calm she was so comfortable in her own skin like she always knew where she was going and when she didn't have the answer she leaned in and asked a lot of questions and she you know like was always seeking out mentors and coaches and you know managers and leaders and other smart people like man like that's how I want to be when I grow up like that's the goal of this so I hope you really got the message you take the time to answer the questions and then the next time I see you or we connect online maybe share some insight with me because that would mean a lot to me because that's remember my for Coach create connect and contribute I'd love to have that connection with you alright my friend thank you so much for listening and remember always your strategy matters and now more than ever your passion and the answer to those questions are what absolutely rule if you want more information about this episode including my show notes mentions links and everything else make sure you visit Tom Perry calm slash podcast that's Tom very calm slash podcast thanks again and talk to you soon [Applause]

Channel: Tom Ferry

Views: 8,464

Rating: 4.8195491 out of 5

Keywords: tom ferry, finding reason to live, finding purpose in life, advice for life after college, law of attraction, personal development, what is the purpose of life, mike vance, unlock your true potential, live a fulfilling life, questions to ask yourself, what is my purpose, deepak chopra life purpose, self help podcast, tom ferry podcast, how to find your direction in life

Id: NuOzQYECTWs

Length: 64min 21sec (3861 seconds)

Published: Wed May 01 2019