First Unitarian Universalist Church of San Diego 3-22-20 Worship

[Music] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] good morning and welcome to our service that serves both of our campuses it is good to be together even virtually and we want to encourage you to check out our church's website the homepage for new content and updates especially in regards to our worship service we'll be experimenting with pre-recorded services like this one now that we're all staying at home but these services can get creative so what keep watching welcome to this service to address our needs for community and connection I invite you to take a breath with me and settle in and know that even when you're at home watching this screen see in your mind's eye all of the other people you know from First Church we're doing the same thing you are and in that way know and feel the community that you are a part of in the spirit of reverence we acknowledge that we are on the stolen land of the qu VI people a people who continue to sing pray and gather together and live their lives throughout their territories we'd like to thank our musicians and Tony and Reverend Julie and all of the people who have made this service possible through their skills gifts and talents may love be the spirit of this church may the quest for truth be it sacrament and service be its prayer to dwell together in peace to seek knowledge in freedom and to help one another in fellowship this is our aspiration k our Lord Cecila doctrina de espera Glacia la busca de they'll ever dance to Sacramento here servicio sua Rossi on the deer hunt of sin pass the Scala very doubtful Libertad e IE and animals Mona Ament am comunidad RSO esperamos [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] come into this place come into this place made holy made holy by who come into this place made holy by us by our stories our grief our struggles our joy our celebrations made holy by our songs and our highest aspirations made holy not by Pope's gurus canonized saints or Creed's but instead made holy by us everyday regular people come into this place that transcends physical boundaries come into the present moment come into the gift of the present moment breathe in the Spirit that comes into being when we gather it is good to be together let us worship [Music] [Music] if you [Music] [Music] you can change [Music] [Music] every week we say an affirmation to remind ourselves of who we are and how we want to be with one another and out in the world so join me we are Unitarian Universalists a people of open minds loving hearts and welcoming hands some also notorious universal Easter's personas that meant a serviette des corazones amaurosis Amano's que de la Ben Vanina will you please join with me in the fellowship of prayer and meditation God of science and black holes God of outer space and inner space god of exploration God known by many names and no name God that lures us toward a sense of healing and peace may we remember the sacredness embedded in the mere fact of our connection to each other and the web may we remember that joy and loss intertwine like vines around our hearts as we have occasion to soar and at other times struggle just to keep putting one foot in front of the other may our interactions be linked with our intentions may our hands give life to the shape of Justice and may we recalibrate ourselves and launch forth again and again into our beautiful and broken world blessed be amen [Music] [Music] Oh [Music] [Music] [Music] today I'm preaching about loneliness the feeling that a person gets when they feel like they have no one to connect with no one that understands them no one to help or comfort them and no one for them to help or comfort often loneliness is closely related to loss and today we are in unprecedented times as our normal ways of being together are severely compromised some people don't think much about loneliness however more folks are starting to realize the effect that it has on the human spirit and are focusing more attention unknown leanness and so are we a few years ago the British government appointed administer of loneliness because they became aware of a recent study revealing that nine million Britons suffer from loneliness 14% of the population among more vulnerable populations the rates are much higher in a survey of the well-being of disabled Britons half reported feelings of loneliness at least once a day more than a third of elderly people reported being overwhelmed by loneliness overwhelmed loneliness is no laughing matter even the Biel's also very English addressed loneliness somehow in the midst of their busy lives they had the insight to compose and record a beautiful touching moving song about loneliness all the lonely people where do they all come from all the lonely people where do they all belong not only is this song touching it has become more and more relevant both sociologically and theologically not just in the UK but in the u.s. as well our former president the Reverend Peter Morales our former uua president the Reverend Peter Morales was also deeply concerned about loneliness it was in part because of his passion that I read the book the lonely American drifting apart in the 21st century clearly people were lonely when the Beatles wrote Eleanor Rigby but according to the most recent sociological research data people are even lonelier now a study by the general social survey group from Duke University found that between 1985 and 2004 the number of people with whom the average American discussed important matters dropped from three to two even more stunning was the number of people who said there was no one with whom they discussed important matters this number tripled in 2000 for individuals without a single confidant now made up nearly a quarter of those surveyed many but not all of the respondents lived alone and speaking of living alone almost one-third of our population lives alone although it's important to note living alone and loneliness are not interchangeable number of things contribute to loneliness the cost of loneliness is profound today we'll explore both the things that contribute to loneliness and the cost of loneliness the first thing that contributes to loneliness is our unwillingness to name it many people seek out a doctor or a therapist and say that they are depressed more and more people have become comfortable saying that they're depressed rather than that they're lonely this is resulted in medicating for a depression that does not exist one cannot medicate loneliness away although there is a correlation between drug abuse and loneliness loneliness can be numbed by medication to treat depression but not cured and a foot is not willing to admit that one is lonely and one might not make the best decisions on how to live one's life one might not realize that we are like a only frog slowly burning in ever higher temperatures of loneliness often we tend to treat socializing as if it were a frivolous diversion rather than an activity that is essential to our well-being as individuals and as a community there's a notion that time spent socializing for pleasure is not constructive it might be time wasted do you ever find yourself feeling that our busyness then becomes an acceptable excuse oh it's too bad we've lost touch that's just the way it is our well-being is challenged not just by our category categorizing it as frivolous it is also compromised by the fact that more and more people don't have a consistent work schedule people in the service industry places like the Amazon warehouse call centers and McDonald's demand that out that employees accept a flexible work schedule 40% of hourly employees get more than no more than seven days notice about their upcoming schedules 28% get three days notice or less this loss of a predictable schedule also makes it hard to keep up our sustaining connections an additional thing that contributes to our loneliness is the ever-present cultural American cultural myth of self-reliance expressed in the Euro as the lone Explorer the outsider the lone cowboy batman was lonely superman was lonely loneliness may very well be a founding crystallized element of our nation as our founders and many of the immigrants who created this country are and have been the people who left the people who left parents children relatives behind to come to this country this loss is an immense cause of loneliness systemic loneliness this coupled with our hesitation to show weakness or ask for help really Foster's loneliness add to this if you will are sure genius at devising houses live routines and technologies to increase our isolation when we spend so much money to create a home and lives that are so private so individuals so isolated we go against our biological nature this has consequences to our health and well-being this has consequences for our civil society and our planet from the perspective of evolutionary psychology the neurobiology of attachment and just plain common sense human beings both as a species and as individuals survive only through attachment to one another when things break our attachment we're given the way of our attachment to each other we feel stress our being is stressed we as physiological organisms experience stress on an organic level our loneliness has physiological consequences and costs both spiritually and socially the first cost of loneliness is an increased rigidity people who spend a lot of time alone becomes set in their ways they lose their ability to adapt and make adjustments and to respond to conflicts and to seek compromises that are required when living with or relating to others we spend a lot of time attention effort and money trying to have it our way this time this energy this money might be much better spent working for things that sustain and grow the common good and our collective sense of well-being this work this redirection of our tension will offer a much healthier more satisfying more connected life another cost of loneliness is feeling left out we have all felt left out as children we may not have had people to sit with at lunch during recess on the playground we see others in small groups laughing we are alone later in life we hear or know that a party is happening but we aren't invited we may go to a lunch of co-workers or colleagues and somehow it seems everyone's in a conversation but somehow we are not this feeling of being left out has consequences on our bodies and how we make decisions perhaps you have experience being in love or observing somebody else being in love and seeing the other person with what we call rose-colored glasses no matter how hard you look at them no matter how critically or closely you examine them you can find no fault with them they're the greatest they Rock we also tend to do something similar when we join a group we tend to observe judge analyze and interpret the actions of others that are in our group much more favorably than we do those who are in a different group at the same time but this favorable feeling is going on we are doing something else we also in part because of our evolutionary structure engage in constant monitoring that includes being perpetually vigilant for the dangers that can arise within a group including the possibilities of being outmaneuvered and left out this happens in all groups and apparently according to scientific data we all do it this illustrates just how consumed we are at a basic level about belonging because it is so important to us as you know we Unitarian Universalists are particularly fond of our six sources as we make religious meaning in our life and now turn onto our cherished fifth source the use of reason and the teachings of science it turns out there is a neurobiology of attachment which involves two neuropeptides oxytocin and vasopressin which function as neurotransmitters these two chemicals are only found in mammals they help manage stress and are crucially involved in social bonding oxytocin in particular is released during positive social interactions and has a calming effect on both behavior and physiology when we feel left out regardless of whether it's by people or groups that we care a great deal about or people or groups that we care less about we experience surprising disruptions and our physiological makeup social exclusion is being studied now in laboratories and yielding some surprising results here's what social scientists are now finding social exclusion whether real or imagined whether you are snubbed or feel like you have been snubbed makes people more aggressive social exclusion causes self-defeating behavior social exclusion leads to a state of mind that avoids meaningful thought emotion self-awareness it's characterized by lethargy and altered time flow feeling that time has slowed down and drags on social exclusion leads people to quit sooner on frustrating tasks all of these when magnified on a grand scale helped to explain so much of why we as a culture are the way we are and how unhelpful these traits are if we want to make substantial progress towards developing spiritual leadership we need to heal our planet and grow the common good we wanted our way we are rigid and know exactly what our way is we are less and less inclined to compromise as witnessed in our magnificent political conflicts in the halls of Congress in Washington DC not to mention road rage incidents of road rage and mass shootings we are increasingly aggressive victims of aggressive behavior as evidenced by our response to the continued and relentless damage to our planet we as a society are engaged in a great deal of self-defeating behavior and it's important for us to remember that when we feel lonely or isolated our capacity for intelligent and creative thought is diminished we tend to give up more easily more readily on complex frustrating tasks it turns out that attending to our loneliness and being compassionate towards others who are lonely in need of connection has become crucial in this day and age of ours we no longer face simple problems all our issues as a society are complex and multifaceted so if we get give up too easily on the complex tasks that require our attention where will we be as I understand this on a deeper level I am no longer placing busyness next to godliness I now you are attachment to busyness that prevents human companionship is dangerous to our souls on our planet this is one of the reasons why we gather for worship at our Hillcrest and South Bay campuses and although we are not able to gather in person anymore Reverend Kathleen and Reverend Tanya are acutely aware of how important it is for us to find ways to connect with each other and they will be sharing ways for us to connect with each other every single day of the week I invite you to join me in becoming more in tune with how important it is to be a caring community to live with and for each other it benefits our health benefits our civil society it benefits the planet showing up being counted participating loving and being loved caring and being cared for helping and being helped are a crucial part of who we are when we are at our best it turns out that once again the scientific and spiritual perspectives complement each other and point to the same message caring and being cared for is crucial not just to our well-being not just to the healing of our somewhat uncivil society but also to our planning we need each other gloriously radically undeniably so this is who we are and what we do may we continue to offer this sense of connection and affirmation to each other into our ever widening community blessed be and amen Thank You Julie you know it's really hard to feel connected when we are following the order to stay at home and over days we can begin to feel isolated and lonely I am so grateful to Reverend Julie in her about loneliness and we don't have to feel that way there are a number of ways that you can connect with the first church community we will be inviting you to share your ideas share your ideas for different things that you might do through any social media platform for instance Ballard AJ CLIs is making masks that are so needed and she is happy to share tips and advice on how you can do that to in your home knowing that Valerie is doing this you can join her and other people who are familiar with sewing and can do that to provide some an activity that's shared but also safe all in your own homes but also meeting an important community need please contact Valerie for more information and ways to get help so that you can participate also we will be sharing many different new forms of content on our website your staff and ministers have created many ideas for ways to invite you to participate for instance on Mondays we might be adding a Monday meditation led by one of us or a lay leader from one of our Sangha groups Tuesdays we're thinking that we can put up 5 to 15 minutes of a chat with the ministers with Robby with a board president or board member as a way of updating you about what is happening as we continue on Wednesdays you might want to join a nature walk on Thursdays I may be or Tania may be giving the talk on aspect of uu theologies in all of the different ways we and the spiritual paths that we find nurse nourishment from let's see that takes us to Fridays we're thinking about fun Fridays and a way to celebrate in a variety of ways Saturdays could focus on justice or seminarians sharing their experience and always we will be leading together on Sundays for worship we just want to make sure that you can connect with your church your ministers and staff a little bit maybe every day as long as it works for you we want to ensure that this community stays strong and we know that in this time we want to over communicate over reach out to one another to ensure that we can be together through the long haul it's also very important in this day to make time for your own spiritual growth make time that you connect with yourself maybe through meditation maybe through chanting a favorite song connect with that still small voice within and know that you are held in love take time intentional time to focus with the spirit of life and love that holds us and supports us know that we can stay connected reach out to us through phone calls or emails zoom groups there are a number of you who are starting new groups we also have wisdom circles big questions and open conversations keep watching our website for new content and new opportunities to stay connected we can do this we can do this [Music] your face shine brightly in the [Music] [Music] though we can't be [Music] [Music] [Music] before our closing words - in our service a gentle reminder when you visit our website to look at new content or find a zoom link for a new group for you please don't don't forget to hit the donate button we are still supporting our local nonprofits whose work reflect our values and in this time of need your generosity through our offering is really important both to the church and to this month's organization in March we are supporting the organization el otro lado an important group that works here locally and in Tijuana and part of your offering also goes to support this church community so please before you sign off today click on that donate button Julie here are the words for our final blessing and extinguishing the chalice even as the earth is shifting and the nights grow shorter may your heart be open to every form of mutuality may it be a pasture for gazelles and oasis in the desert a cloister for Christian monks temple for idols the Caban of the pilgrim the tablet of the Torah the book of the Quran may you go forward practicing the religion of love for those who came before us for who we are now and for those who come after us go in peace blessed be and amen [Music]

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Length: 38min 58sec (2338 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 22 2020