"Firm Foundations Panel Discussion" - Pastor Dave Stovall | FULL SERVICE

praise the Lord everyone it's good to see everyone in the house of the Lord you're glad to be here tonight praise God I'm looking forward to what God is going to speak to our hearts tonight and uh I'm just looking forward to what God is going to do in this service but before we go any further let's go and lift our hands and worship and praise to our God tonight [Music] you are not a god dependence on anymore [Music] by human you are not a god foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] love everything we can give to our god that's just the way it is [Music] and you are not alone [Music] [Music] unchangeable oh that's what you are available [Music] with the good times I change [Music] [Music] lift our hands and Worship the Lord God you're you're an awesome god you're an awesome God we love you Jesus praise you we thank you for your presence that's moving among your people hallelujah hallelujah what a beautiful presence of the Lord is here on this Wednesday evening I'm glad to see everyone in the house of the Lord tonight I'd like to make known our prayer requests uh if you'll put our prayer requests on the board also I have a few new ones here uh Veronica Espinosa let's pray for her very serious need and her body also the Carline family her mom passed and we need to pray for our brothers and sister in that family and their their kids and also sister Dale shockley's in the ER at this present moment uh special need in her life also sister elder sister Stovall is recovering from a surgery uh oral surgery she had today he needs our prayers and I'm thankful for that baby stats in his home praise God I know that Ma I know the towns are glad to have that baby home praise God yes sir pastor okay all right I'd like for ushers to come and get ready to receive our Wednesday evening offering as we're getting ready to pray for these knees Lord Jesus we come before you we pray over these needs you know every single circumstance in every situation that we have mentioned Lord God also ask you to continue to touch sister Erlene and her family as well and the needs that we have mentioned tonight and those that are on the prayer list tonight I'm asking you Lord God to bring peace and comfort in every situation you only you can bring the peace and the comfort that we need in these times Lord I pray that you have blessed God everything that we do tonight everything that we put our hands to do in this service I ask you to bless it Lord bless this offer and bless this time together and I pray that you would speak through our hearts in Jesus mighty name we pray amen let's Worship the Lord together and song tonight Jesus says the center of it all Jesus at the center of it all [Music] from beginning to the end it will always be it's always been you Jesus Jesus Jesus Christ the center of it all [Music] over [Music] [Music] [Music] Jesus [Music] all these things foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] better life [Music] [Music] [Music] only Jesus [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] heart to the heaven Jesus says [Music] [Music] you're the president [Music] Falls around you Jesus [Music] [Music] why don't you lift your hands and voices just tell him I want you to be the center of everything about us God come on can we just freeze you for a moment just lift our voice give honor an adoration to the king we worship you we love you oh God for all that you have done we give you great praise and glory today oh Hallelujah you're glad to be in the house of the Lord on a Wednesday evening well I'm glad half of the crowd is so good to see each of you here to our guests that are with us tonight what a privilege and honor it is to have you come and be with us tonight I see several I almost said Olivia Paige so good to see Paige in service with us tonight his brother Lewis's daughter and their precious babies we're so glad that she's here they've looked up and saw Holly and Kirsten and Clayton come walking in a while ago glad to see them the house of the Lord this evening and we are so thrilled that each of you if I have missed someone and did a very special guest that was with us this last weekend it is good to see brother sister Carter back in the house tonight praise God tremendous job of ministry this weekend and we're glad that they're in service with us tonight I understand they're going to be staying in the Conroe area for a few days and we're glad that they're in service with us this evening I won't rather Edwin to come brother Edward cicada I want him to come very quickly because you remain standing he has a birthday that's coming up very quickly he's getting another year older he thought he was about to have to preach or testify or something we love this guy so much and just wanted to give a small token of our appreciation for what he means to this church I told my wife just a moment ago I've not been this nervous on a Wednesday evening in a long long time I am already behind the eight ball so to speak if you would allow me to use that terminology I have people already upset with me I have children that are upset with me because there's no classes tonight I have adults upset with me because there's no classes tonight foreign I'm sorry but I'm not sorry at the same time we're going to have a great time this evening and I I would like for you to give us your undivided attention I believe we're going to be looking at some things tonight it is going to be a different service than what we would normally have on a Wednesday evening but I feel like it is something that's drastically needed in our world that we're living in and in the church age and so we're going to be dealing with a few issues and topics tonight that I think are important to everybody all ages young people I promise you I love you and I want you to love me after service even though you missed Sunday school tonight is that fair will you love me afterward praise God God bless you why don't you turn around to somebody close to you greet them shake their hands smile real big let them know that you're glad to have them in service with us this evening yeah I know I'm gonna turn that a little bit for you guys if you want to turn it a little more you're not facing but no no the other way for your dress is not I do want to remind everybody if you have not heard and formed your brother Tom Murphy took a fall on Sunday evening and uh has broken several ribs and broken vertebrae and so he is in a lot of pain so please be in prayer for him I know his name was on the screen tonight but nothing was said at that point but I do want to let you know this is a serious feed and we need God to reach down and to touch our hearts and our minds in the last little while we have had a family fun night to Wednesday nights ago and not one child come to me upset that we were not having Sunday school that night we had a great time we had the blow ups we had games and outings and and then we came back this last Sunday and had a great time with our children's kids Revival wonderful weekend I hope that you could see that we're trying to put a focus on our families our families are extremely important well so tonight we're going to be looking at stronger foundations I believe we need to get our foundation as strong as we possibly can and in order to do that I have asked for some help this evening I'm going to you know a little bit of why I have chosen these that are on the platform this evening first of all involved in Ministry for over 42 years he has pastored for over 28 years he has 19 years of working in with children in schooling situations including 19 years of that in public schools he has taught in colleges adjunct professors and also ran youth camps for over six years I believe he has seen just about everything that you can see and I'm honored that brother Nance is on this platform tonight with us setting to his right sister Hannah McInnis is a licensed marriage and family therapist associate she has her master's degree in science and marriage and family therapy she is a former licensed Behavior technician she's the parents of parent of four including one special needs child and I'm glad that we have sister Hannah on this panel tonight I asked the last two to give me a brief bio of their background so that I could share I told sister Burton I'm just going to make yours up I've known her long enough this is the wife of one the mother of two the grandmother of four and the great grandmother of six she has worked for probably 40 years with young marrieds and stepped in the role of a parent on so many occasions and I think her voice is valuable to what we're going to be talking about tonight would you put your hands together for sister Burton I think I'll take my seat stronger foundations something that we need in every life that is in this building tonight and I believe that's what we're attempting to do I I want us to first start with the scripture I believe that the Jesus made the statement he said Upon This Rock I'm going to be on my church and he said the gates of hell is not going to Prevail against it do you really believe that well I said do you really believe that the church is predestined I believe hell knows that the church is predestined I believe that hell knows that the church is Victorious and so the best way that he can distract is to come against the family unit because the family unit is what's going to strengthen the local assembly and so hell knows that that is there and so it's the Blessed place for him to work I strongly believe that that's the reason the society it even hell if I could say it that way has trying just to change the core values the biblical values of traditional families well nobody said amen there hardly but I believe that hell is trying to destroy biblical families relationships because he knows the importance of what the family represents tonight we're going to have a panel discussion and I'm going to ask some questions I'm going to do some speaking and I know that some of you are going to feel like I I really should not be here I've already raised my children listen to me I'm talking to every person in this room tonight whether you are a mother a father a grandfather a aunt an uncle a cousin you are important in somebody's life and you need to hear what is being taught about this evening I wish I could get an amen even though I'm sitting down praise God I want to ask and direct the first question to Sister Burton and that question is this could you express why you feel that the family unit is so important in the day and hour that we're living in today well first of all thank Devil's business to destroy our families because he knows if he can destroy the family he can destroy our church because our church is only as strong as each one of our families and uh in our world today they're starting with our very young children and doctoring them and teaching them uh you don't have to respect mom and dad you know they're tearing down the family unit and and and starting with them at a very uh young age because let's face it in our world today there's so many families that aren't like the y'all don't even know who the Cleavers are probably but uh way back when it was a you know a uni a family unit and a mom and dad and children I didn't have that either but it was real and that we may not have that structure now as far as the statistics are but we can still have those values and we can still teach those values and the meaning of family so it is so important and family provides stability security competence self-confidence and just feeling safe in a family unit so it uh it behooves us to strengthen our families in any way that we can and that be our first priority I believe I believe it's the first calling yeah well yes I believe we need to get our priorities back in line God first family second not job first not vacations first God first family second that's right you guys would y'all like to add anything to this of why the family unit is so important today I will add I would also like to thank Pastor for asking me I feel woefully unprepared next to the three people I get to sit next to and I appreciate the value that you've placed in me on letting me say something there's a lot of talk on the individual and making sure that all individuals get to feel heard and respected and making sure that the individual the individual it's all around us but there's something to be said about the family and what they can go through together like for instance an addiction an addiction doesn't just hurt one person more than likely in every family situation it will affect multiple people in this situation and addressing a problem from a family unit lets everybody know their opinion is valued and respected just as much as the parent while it doesn't make it more important than the other one it does tell them I'm here I see you I'm listening to what you have to say and it's available available to be a addressed and processed because a lot of things that happen in families aren't processed you cannot move forward unless you look at what you have gone through and then you're able to learn from it if you don't learn from it you're never you're going to repeat it over and over again it's important to do it as a family I would only add that the family is the building block of the church which is what sister Burton said and actually Jesus taught us to be a family from the very beginning when he taught us to pray Our Father our father so it's not none of us are an island unto ourselves I think the American mindset has raised individuality to the point of idolatry and I think and we've got away from the biblical standard of a family being the operating unit and we have our responsibility it's a training ground for church it's a microcosm of the church there's a whole lot more I can say but you'll have an opportunity I promise with the family unit not functioning the way that it ought to function in so many homes am I the only one that has seen the digression of respect respect in our world respect even in the church oh I I see some people in in the building tonight that are nodding their head when I start talking about the lack of respect in the world and some that have worked in the streets wearing the blue stripe walking the Flying Flying Blue Line and I appreciate all of the officers that have done that but we have watched we have watched our nation disintegrate when it comes to respect respect is admiring or looking up to someone or something it's also an act of giving attention to or show and care for something or someone what has happened to respect in our world and what has happened to respect even within the church we can blame it on taking prayer out of schools and we can blame it on Hollywood and we can Blame It on Disney we can blame it on everything else but I think we ought to take the time to stop and look within ourselves and make sure that we are doing what needs to be done we as parents we as Grandparents we as aunts and uncles and Friends need to make sure that we're living lives that are appropriate and we're demonstrating respect have you ever heard of the monkey see monkey do syndrome well kids yeah if you have had more than three children raise your hand more than three children raise your hand have you noticed that the third or fourth child mature is usually a little faster than what the first one did a lot of that has to do with them learning from the older siblings they are learning things listen we learn from those that are around us I'm afraid we might be teaching another generation a few bad habits along the way even as adults think about some of the things that we do think about some of the things that the way that we handle some things how do we treat one another oh God help us how do we treat our children how do you respond vocally to them we'll get on communication later how do we treat the Lady or the man at the restaurant who has messed up our order we're teaching them how to what respect is or what respect is not by the way that we are responding in our own lives I want to do some pastoring tonight at the same time I thought about going offline to be honest and and I have redone my notes several times because I don't want to come across negative but there are things that I am concerned about and so I want to take this opportunity are you with me tonight respect for the house of God I don't have time to get off on a rabbit show the last Whip and I got was for the lack of respect in the house of God I don't have time to go into that tell you how I got beat in the girls restroom it didn't hurt but oh it hurt my pride how about respecting the teachers teacher our classroom student Ministry team how about our youth workers how about our Brothers and Sisters in Christ when our children hear us running our brothers and sisters down why would their you expect them to respect them uh oh the Bible talks about being unthankful and dead Unholy we want to preach on Holiness a lot but what about thankfulness I'm faithful for this building that God has given us I am very well aware that this is not the church we are the church but this building is the place where we come together corporately to worship the god of Glory and we need to learn to respect what God has blessed us with if I'm offending you then you probably need to take your walls down and listen a little bit okay last Wednesday night our serving team first of all I want to thank every children's ministry team I want to thank every volunteer in this church for what you do at Abundant Life Church you're vital you are important and you're needed I'm thankful for those that serve us on Wednesday evenings we have wonderful food that is delivered to us and then the same ones stay back there and they clean up thank you thank you thank you for what you do and I want to clarify something not one of them that have been on the team last week has talked to me not one but I was told that they did not come into the service last week because they were cleaning until 8 30 because there were so many chips crumbled all over the floor that it took them that long to get the fellowship hall cleaned up and taken care of that is uncalled for I've gone to restaurants with a large group and you get up at Whataburger or you get up at another restaurant and you walk away and leave your trash on the table when there's trash cans and you're supposed to be throwing it away but you expect some we're teaching our children something when we're doing that guys am I am I meddling a little too much tonight I'm trying to help us we have a generation that is coming up and they're going to follow our example listen we need to take it up a little bit higher how about that we need a little bit better we're finding trash I'm thankful for our life groups I remember when the false made the statement this is not in my notes but I remember brother false making the statement that he regretted putting a gymnasium connected to the church because he felt like it caused people to disrespect the house of God more our life groups are wonderful but when you're coming in on a Monday evening to go to a life group or a Tuesday evening or a Friday evening and you're having to grab something quick to eat I don't think it's done intentionally but I'm needing you to help me can you help me please can you help me we're finding food left over laying on counters not being thrown away guys even if you throw it away we are inviting roaches we're inviting ants we're inviting problems please dispose of your trash properly well well there's some said I wish I'd have stayed home tonight why didn't you tell us that this is what you that's why I didn't tell you our children's ministry children listen to me this is why you're in here it's not all but it is a much larger quality of quality of children involved in this than what should be our staff volunteer their time to go back in services and they're not there to babysit parents I'm going to say it again until I get some people to help me I said they're not there to babysit our quiz coaches are not here to babysit on Thursday night so you can have a night off most of the parents stay for that thank God they're back there to instill something to strengthen your children for their future and the least that we can do is support our Sunday School staff we'll get to some more questions in a little while I'm sorry [Applause] what time do we do check in on Wednesday evening what 7 15 right God help me we have had adults to come into the fellowship hall frustrated and upset at 7 to 705 because they're not back there ready to check their kids in and take them to classes but you don't volunteer is this too plain my wife is going to strike me out when I get home I'm not being negative guys I'm trying to tell you this is a Ministry they're doing it because they love your children respect them so that your children will respect them I I don't have this somebody else I need to stay with my notes I've deleted and added and deleted and added and it's not in my notes but I'm going to say it anyway I had one staff member tell me that and sometime in the past 20 years let me just set that way they told a student not to act like they were acting and that it continued on and so they went to him and said if you do it again I'm going to take you into the service to your parents to which the child looks up at the adult and goes God help us we need help guys we need children to help us we need adults to help us with all of that being said I'm going to go to this panel that's going to be a little calmer than I am right now because I believe respect needs to go both directions what can we do to make sure that respect is given to all is there anybody wants to take a stab at this from the clinical standpoint I guess I'll go first um that I have one word and that's listen a lot of times if people keep asking for something it's because they're not being heard so if someone is continually to say something over and over chances are it's because they weren't heard the first time respect is both ways like he said we want to tend to just fix everything for everybody I just want to rescue I just want to fix it I just want to make it go away but nothing is learned by that respect and make sure that if a parent constantly rescues them there's a there's no chance for them to learn from their mistakes they can't figure it out they can't build resilience if you are building respect in something then you are modeling it first it is tapped down it has to be shown if they don't know how to do it chances are it's because they have never learned how to do it all behavior is a form of communication even no behavior is telling you something so if you are not getting respect it's most likely because you are not giving respect so that's it it's that simple that comes from the one with more degrees than that I think it's uh important not to show partiality in our with our between our children not to compare them with one another every child is different we're all different uh so when we show partiality or you know we favor one over the other it's really a form of Cruelty I think and it permanently affects that child so not showing partiality but I thought it's something I wanted to add what you were saying I'm sorry um what you were talking about a while ago I read this today and it really was profound to me when we get to do with Proverbs 22 and 6 but it said that we are so concerned about our children learning math and literature and history and all these things but if we don't train them to be people of character which is what you're talking about we've really missed the mark all the brain knowledge in the world is only get them so far but it's character and integrity that we build into that child that's going to carry them on they say Amen now I want to know how many of you want to come sit on the panel for a little while brother dance reluctant to dive into this one it's a respect is such an important thing I mean and it's easy to give it's easy to give respect um having dealt with a lot of teenagers over the last couple decades it's a big deal I mean it's like you come into the room you're teaching a class you and they're like I had one girl walk in class I'm not going to respect anybody they got to earn my respect I said whoa whoa wait a minute I said respect is something you give somebody right up front it's not it's something to be lost it's not something to be learned or earned and I told her I said I'm giving you respect and I don't even know you you're going to give me respect and you don't even know me and we're going to build on that foundation and the reason that's important because flip that around if if I have to earn her respect and she has to earn mine does any parent want their kid to have to do that you follow me and so wisdom is give everybody respect give them respect and then if they give you cause not to respect that's a different story that's a that's a different topic but you always start with when you go on a job the first thing you do is you respect the boss you better or you won't last long and and on the theological side it's kind of interesting to me that can I get okay so the Ten Commandments if you look at those real quick they're real quick the the top five are vertical in other words that's our responsibility to God the the bottom five are horizontal that's our responsibility each other but the fifth commandment is honor your mother and your father well I think it I think it's vertical so I think us respect and Mom and Dad are honoring Mom and Dad Is Us Is our commitment to God so Authority Spiritual Authority is US answering to God and that that's a trickle-down thing so if we don't respect the pastor we don't respect the policeman the teacher all the way down it's because ultimately we don't respect the Lord thank you if you have your cell phone with you grab it real quick hold it up look at it I'm seeing people not even teenagers holding cell phones up we are living in in the age of Technology every one of us is affected by what you just held up the question that I've heard come from parents time and time again and those of you that your children are younger you're going to face this question at what age do I give a cell phone to my child I don't think that there is a a definite answer because I think every child is different I think every situation is different and you as a parent have to make that decision but do it with much prayer I wanted one other person on this panel tonight I want to judge Mack dealing with respect dealing with the family unit he was not able to be here but talking to him on the phone he made the statement that they hear that the smartphone came out the suicide rate drastically went up because of the smartphone I want to ask these that are here today this question how has the smartphone affected the generation that we're living in that what you see is real that what you see is the full story of the way you see is happening most people don't post then bad things on Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat it is an intentions dealer it is the thief of Joy it is a Time taker this Smartphone is always in reach usually people reach for it with inreach on their bedside table one of the things I teach is put your smartphone out where you cannot touch it so you are not getting up in the middle of the night this is sleep by the way the blue light does not affect your sleep you are not being constantly interrupted the amount of dependency that's being used with a smartphone for this generation is staggering I call it I'm a technology immigrant when I grew up I did not have any technology which is why I like to read but this generation reading isn't the first thing they reach for it is technology their technology natives is what they've they've taught to be called it's with them wherever they go during classes when they wake up at the dinner table if I had a smartphone at my dinner table growing up I was in deep deep trouble I avoided most of it in my younger years but my teenage years is when it started coming teens turned to social media when they're stressed lonely or bored why cannot they turn to their parents instead what is it about this Smartphone that they have to turn to that first instead of a book their parent up here or a trusted adult what is it about the smartphone it is an addiction that's what it is for this please hear this what is it about the smartphone that they turn to it's an addiction every time that you do something it's addiction it releases dopamine right the less the more that you do it the less dopamine you get it so you have to do it more and more and more and more to get the same high just like a drug like a methamphetamine eventually it stops giving you the same high that it did so you have to engage in more risky Behavior you have to do it more you have to be attached to it more you have to be more concerned with what the person is going to do or oh did they leave me on red oh my word I just got left on red all day now I'm offended all day that is the biggest problem that you have is that you got left on red that's an addiction it's leaving it of oh this is the most important thing affecting my mood all day affecting my sleep affecting all that I do is this you turn to that smartphone and that somebody else that you may not have a relationship rather than people that you know that you love what is it about that that makes that happen it's an addiction to that phone or that device I did not have this in my notes last Wednesday night and the ones that were in there in leadership was not the ones that I've talked to um the service ran over with our missionary we had children in our kids Ministry Center with cell phones while they're trying to get them to play games they have their cell phones and they're watching cartoons ignoring and not wanting to play and participate in what's going on in the class I'd heard a rumor so I just asked brother dance brother dance would you respond to the cell phone issue yeah in the uh in the school district where I teach they they've adopted a policy that when you come in the room the cell phone is parked parked and we have these little trays and I had I get to stand at the door how are you doing thank you park into your phone and we pick up all the phones as they come in and the reason for that and it's awesome it's awesome because with the cell phones parked I can actually teach if I don't have those things parked I can't teach it's a constant competition of classroom control and trying to keep everybody's attention and focus now they get sneaky they keep their they have these earbuds and cover it with their hair and and they leave the phone on and I have to I have to police that a little bit but the whole idea of being able to focus on an actual lesson to be able to actually listen to the teacher school's been so much better this year just because of that one little policy and and some of them in some I can see why they don't want to give it up because in some ways they are addicted and it's like you might as well ask them to cut their hand off at the door when they come in because it becomes an appendage they really think of it as a right it's not a right another thing too in some ways culturally it's the most valuable thing they own so it's like why should I have to be separated from this thing there are some positive things about the cell phone I mean I can go to the Library of Congress and do research I can go to Smithsonian I can talk to my doctor I can work from home with my phone but the unintended consequences of the cell phone is what's killing us and that's the lack of focus that's the lack of attention and everything that sister Hannah was talking about and I'm Parkin I say park that phone Mr Burton ditto on everything they've said but more than anything I think it's dumbed down our society and that that means we lack of creativity and Imagination when I was a kid the phones were about to stick they hung on the wall we even had party lines does anybody know what a party line oh yeah but uh so all we we knew to play we played outside we created we got dirty we got hurt you know we did all kinds of things but sadly maybe your kids do but sadly kids are missing out on that I feel like today because they are so entertained by texting and and what they're watching on their phones and you know let's admit it we're we have a problem with it too as adults we have to make our spell not reach over and get it as Mr McInnes was saying but uh I think my main thing is that it just has dumbed down and you know what I'm talking about it's just it has made such a decrease in learning and and those kind of things but um it's something we have to deal with that we need to learn to deal with it I want to share something with you that I read the other day that it it moved me are we boring you guys tonight I want to I want to share this with you it touched my heart it brought tears to my eyes it convicted me said after dinner a teacher started checking homework that was done by her students her husband is strolling around with a smartphone playing his favorite game Candy Crush Saga when reading is the last homework notes the wife started crying with silent tears her husband saw this and asked why are you crying what happened which I'm shocked that he even noticed that she was crying yesterday I gave homework to my first standard students to write something on the topic My Wish okay so why are you crying he said today while checking the last one it made me cry curiously the husband asked well what was written in the last note that made you cry his wife responded and said listen my parents loved their smartphone very much they care about their smartphones so much that sometimes they forget to care about me when my parents are doing some important work a smartphone is ringing with a single ring they attend to the phone but not to me even if I'm crying they play games on their smartphone but not with me when they're talking to someone on their smartphone they never listen to me even if I'm telling them something that is important so my wish is to become a smartphone after listening to the note my husband got emotional and asked the wife who wrote this to which the wife responded our son how many times are we neglecting our own families simply to be able to have a smartphone in our hand and to entertain us when they need to be entertained it's been as estimated that approximately 93 percent of what we communicate is non-verbal 93 percent so if the child sees you holding the smartphone all of the time and never spending time with them you're communicating something to them we communicate our belief systems our values our attitudes our prejudices our worldviews in unconscious ways we communicate by who we allow us our role models what we talk about what we spend time looking into our body language speaks a magnitude to those around us even our silence communicates to those that are around us so my question to this panel is how does communication affect the relationship within our homes ask this question because I was setting this week thinking every pre-marital counseling session that I do those of you that have gone through it with me knows that I deal with communication constantly in premarital counseling it's vitally important however we don't discuss it about the family unit as a whole with our children how important is communication there's a reason there's a saying called communication is key it is the first thing like he said non-verbal communication is just as important what your body does what your face does can have has to match what you're saying so if you're saying coming from from a place of [Music] um what someone is thinking or what they want to hear by saying I want this I need this your face has to match like we've said you need to inform your face that you're happy same thing with communication I'm feeling happy there should be a smile matching your face um by starting with avoid assuming avoid assuming a lot of the problems that I see on a daily basis is because people think they know what's happening they think they know what somebody else is thinking oh this person's talking about me that person's talking about me oh this person's saying that do you really know did you actually ask because if you do not ask you do not actually know and one of the things that I teach is okay so let's how to ask how do you ask somebody what they need or what they're feeling we can own we can use artfully use the word why in certain situations I avoid you asking why like why are you so angry I dislike that question because the first question answer I get is I don't know and I can for most teenagers more than anything I don't know why I'm feeling that okay what's making you angry who's making you angry where are you feeling in Grant what is the situation those are all better questions that is all communication it is not necessarily what you say but it is how you are communicating it to somebody if your words do not match your action it is disingenuous it is not real it has to match this is stuff you can use on the job also guys hello something I learned the hard way something I learned the hard way as a teacher and you have a kid that's acting up in class and it's like and your first reaction is like you know you know because you want to have order in your classroom but really the first question you should be asking is what's going on and I had one kid that acted up it was really horrible the way he acted up and I said let's step out in the hallway so we stepped out in the hallway where it was Private we were one on one and I said what's going on man he said my dad kicked me out last night my parents are getting a divorce and he went through this big long litany there was no reason that's the reason why he didn't know how to deal with it he didn't know how to process it and he really just needed an adult to listen to him like what you were talking about and you know we jumped to conclusions and we we I guess one term is we we project ourselves onto other people so what you're thinking you think that's what they're thinking and that's you don't know why people are thinking uh and so that's why what sister said was so important is because we have to communicate in the sense of what's really going on and uh it'll it'll change your whole frame of mind and how you deal with people I don't know if this is relevant or not but one thing that's really helped me not only as a teacher but in Ministry quit looking at people's outside and look at their spirit communicate with their spirit because people can look horrible on the outside and be so hungry on the inside but we prejudge them because of how they're packaged and I I want the Lord to look at me for what I am and not probably in the years of our teaching young marriage communication was always a very important we touched on it so many times in different ways and how important it was and if we don't communicate we're just inviting chaos because they all added the left hand doesn't need to know what the right hand is doing that's not true because that you're you know if it's going to be a collision but not communicating is more than just talking as you said it's listening and and being being willing to listen because let's face it you know your children are going to talk to somebody if they can't talk to you and communicate their feelings to you as mom and dad who are they're going to find somebody and you might not want them giving your child advice so make sure I always try to stress to my children it doesn't matter what it is come and talk to us you can't do bad enough for us not to love you just be honest just come and tell us so that opening that line of communication but uh so much is said uh you know nowadays and I know with our busy schedules and all I know at our house we're lucky a couple of times a week to be able to sit down and have dinner together and I hope that you do in your home but that is a wonderful place to communicate you'd be surprised what you learned Park the cell phones right park the cell phone yes that's something we try not to do I mean that's it's terrible to be sitting at the table and you fixed all this dinner and everybody's on their phone and feeding their mouth at the same time that's no fun right but sitting around a table or just sitting around and talking put the phones away and talk you'd be surprised what you learned that a child feels comfortable or a husband or wife feels comfortable to to talk about something so if I could stress anything it was to leave those lines of communication open and and be sure that um the right people are talking into their lives we have people in this house that your grandparents great grandparents we have older teenagers that those that have opportunity we have some that have very small children so there's a wide of a range a range of people here um we bought a little puppy here a few couple of years ago and we took this puppy to Paulina many of you know Paulina took it to Paulina and Paulina made a statement to me that rocked my world and it was this don't let this puppy do anything as a puppy that you don't want him doing as a grown adult dog and I didn't listen foreign and so now that's why when you come see us my dog is so excited to see people he runs and jumps on you I wish I would have listened to her but it has caused me to think of it that is so true with a little puppy how much more is it true with our children let me just say this and we'll move forward be careful laughing at bad actions when they're three and four this is not in my nose but this is good preaching bragging or laughing about it on Facebook because the same type of action when they're 15 or 16 what you're laughing at now is going to cause you to cry about me along these lines I read this while studying for this today and it it really I had heard this before but it kind of brought it home but J Edgar Hoover and we all know who he is he was the director of the FBI for 48 years but he made the statement crime let me get it right what he said the cure for crime is not the electric chair which that's the mode of capital punishment in Florida where I'm from and probably others they but the cure for crime is not the electric chair but it's the high chair think about that it's the high chair so it starts if we start then we're going to keep them out I I read something that I wanted to share tonight to kind of kick off into this next level and we're going to try to hurry a great preacher once said when times are troubled we cry God give us men to match our mountains and in reply God gives us children and said here's the building blocks what we do with our children at Young ages is preparing them for the future to build men and women of that are going to be able to face the mountains that we're facing in our lives it's going to take discipline that didn't go over good I'm going to say it again it's going to take discipline discipline is not a bad word brother Nance made the statement in the office today tonight before we came in it's the same word that we get disciple from there has to be correction but it must be done in love the next thing that I'm going to say is we need discipline but we also need consistency well I want to help somebody the belt is not always the answer you cannot correct someone one time for one thing and ignore it the next three times are you all ready to go home Pastor the reason why you can't do that is because if you just if you do that one time and then skip it three times you're teaching them that what they did wasn't wrong what's wrong is making daddy mad too fast so I was leading into this question and I want to direct it first to Sister Hannah how am I fulfilling the plan of God by modeling respect modeling respect did you catch that fulfilling the plan of God by modeling respect and boundaries to my family after he's keep out discomfort or harm certain I teach subsystems which are parents children there is a line in between sometimes children do not need to know what parents are talking about sometimes children should not be a part of those conversations in any way a boundary is keeping out harm from certain things they do not need to know if you do not enforce a boundary it is not important you have just shown them if they're crossing a boundary and you are not enforcing it over and over you're showing them what you've just I've just told you I don't really care about because I'm letting you get away with it over and over it puts them in a bad mood it makes it where like boundaries are biblical it's the Lord and then the husband and then wife and then the child there's physical boundaries as well it's he put in a divine order for how families should be structured respect is is earned but it's not automatically given like you said yes it goes both ways I'm going to give you respect and then you lose it but there has to be an order they have to learn it from somewhere they have to learn it from somewhere if they're not going to learn respect they're going to learn disrespect they they're constantly in a circle I call it the shame blame spiral if they don't continually get respect from somewhere they're going to feel shame they're going to feel blaming and the parent's going to go round and round about oh you're not learning this you're not doing this and it doesn't mean they're less than it just means they're not being taught the importance of it of it is the parents role to raise the children not the chair children to raise their parents a lot of times what I see yeah that was a mouthful a lot of times what I see in my work and I don't know if many of you know I work in a crisis center so I work with a lot of children who are raising their parents they have had to figure it out they've had to crawl over things they should not have had to deal with because they've had to learn from somewhere else that you know what I don't have boundaries so I'm going to let you just get away with things I'm just going to let you do with things the lines get blurred when a parent tries to be their child's friend oh I don't want to parent you because I want to be your friend you can if I feel the Holy Ghost I'm ready to shout it blurs the line so there's things called enmeshment where it's too close it's too close it's like a sponge you're letting too much through you're letting it go over and over and over in their head when it's too close there's not clear rolls there's not clear responsibilities and there's not clear consequences if you don't teach consequences they're not going to know what to do with them later there is a consequence and a reaction to every single thing that happens what happens is when they get older they end up in my office because no one bothered to show them Love by teaching them a consequence there it is that happens when it's too far away it's disengaged that's when the parents don't care what they do they don't have to be any part of it they're not in touch with what is happening in the subsystems there's no clear boundaries set so they don't say no there's dependency on others Detachment and few close relationships how can they form a relationship with God if they cannot form it with their parent it is hard they need to be shown it is they're unlikely to ask for help they avoid intimacy and relationships if you can't learn it from your family you're going to learn it from somewhere the biggest thing that we can do is to show the love you have to show it they have to learn it I would just add a little that's awesome I would add just a little bit you know the idea of trying to treat your child as a friend confuses them it confuses them I was talking to a girl one time and she told me she said I was talking about what my parents told me know about something she said you know my parents never told me no I wish they would have just told me no one time she didn't feel safe because they never told her no because there was no offense in her life now about the Friendship thing that comes later when they grow up and they become adults they become friends it's not just the father-son relation they become friends but let it happen naturally it's got to come with maturity it's got to come later when they've grown and they've developed and they look you in the eye and they're a man like you're a man I'll just say that when we fail to set boundaries for ourselves or for our children then counselors like Hannah get more clients because people are confused and they're they don't understand like whether you know their boundaries they help us they make us feel secure and safe I had a friend of mine tell a parent one time I said if you don't stop Belling them out of trouble at this age you're gonna be bellied them out of jail we've got to teach them in situations not bail them out of situations does that make sense young people are you with me I want to help you out can I help you guys out some we as adults always see it from our perspective I'm the parent I'm right you don't have a voice and a lot of times if we're not careful we're wanting them to grow up to be able to think and handle things and issues on their own but if we don't let them learn to talk about things sometimes talking about things is a way of learning communication many times students feel that the parents don't care because they don't take the time to listen and I'm guilty take time to listen to them they say the adults don't know what the team is going through and the truth of the matter is we probably don't know exactly what they're going through sister Natalie made a statement yesterday we were in staff meeting and was discussing tonight and she made a statement and I went home and started looking into it how many of you ever heard of the five love languages we have one more question for the panel and we're going to be dismissing so I'm bringing you hope you've heard of the five love languages raise your hand we always talk about it in the marriage relationship I had again thought yesterday wait a minute why are we not talking about knowing what our children's love language is well some of you are looking at me like why should we know what the children's love language is would you if you could learn what makes them click you might be able to get through to them a little bit better but she made the statement that there is a great debate going on that there is actually another love language that they have discovered is being debated right now very drastically some feel like there is and some feel like there's not but what the ones that believe it is guess what it is feeling known feeling no all I care is that somebody would notice that I'm in the room I just want somebody to know that I'm here would you just pay attention to me enough that it would let me know that I have matter to you I'm resonating with somebody in this room right now and the truth of the matters would have started reading into it last night the more I thought about it I believe God has put that in every single one of us we all want to matter we all want to be want to be noticed we all want to be cared about so whether it's a sixth leveling which or not I believe it's vitally important I asked this question and we're closing how can we as parents young people trying to help you how is we as parents how can we create an atmosphere where our entire family feels loved respected and important sister Burton why don't you start well just by including everyone and um as you said making each one feel important and letting them contribute in some way maybe it's a major decision that we have to make sometimes we leave our kids out of it we make it ourselves and then they're the last ones to find out but I think involving everybody um creating a space for them a place for them a place for them making priorities what you give your attention to is what you show as important so if we don't have the time for everything you have picked so it takes a long time to go check my email and then I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this you have chosen what you feel is important sometimes stopping and doing nothing is the most important a lot of times the teenagers that I see and I say ages 16 to 24 is my favorite because it is a vital age 17. I don't know why it's a transition year I call it when you're 17 you are not an adult but you are not a child and sometimes the teenagers that I see they don't feel like valuable they don't feel their place they don't know if anybody cares about them they don't nobody sees them they're not important because they're not two and they need to be taken care of and they can't do everything an adult can do they feel forgotten and a lot of the things that I see is parents will get in a hurry and then all that one's fine that one's fine that one's fine and a lot of what the first things I do in my session is I tell people I genuinely care about what you think and how you feel and what you have to say and that alone like you said is a love language by itself it's not the physical touch it's not the access service it's not the giving affirmations it's telling something you are valuable enough for me to stop what I am doing that I think is important to give you enough time I am telling you that you're important that one by itself is is what I feel is the most impactful to a kid and an adult well I don't know that I could add much of that I just you know we're one of the most valuable things we can give anybody is our time and uh we always say we don't have time we don't have time the reality is that's all we have this time are you going to spend it somewhere make sure you spend it on your family and those that you love it's so important why don't you stand I hope that somebody has gotten something out of tonight if your family is right there close by or your child is close there just look over at them oh I see some smiles if your spouse is there if a friend is there close by you look at them maybe it's not a blood family member but we need each other and I think the most important thing that we can do for anybody is just to show them that we care come on we need each other we're not an island to ourself I said we're not an island to ourselves I see people putting their arms around their family right now it's your first calling I don't care if you're a doctor or a preacher I saw one of our mothers is she's here tonight Sister Sarah put a a thing on Facebook recently and it touched my heart about defending a being a stay-at-home mom if you're a stay-at-home mom you're doing the most important thing that you could ever do listen to me and I'm not saying that every lady needs to stay home if you're working and you're still being a mom you're still doing the most important thing your calling is your children Daddy let me just go ahead and say it I don't care if you're a carpenter or a plumber I don't care what your occupation is if you're a dad your first calling is a parent I might be a carpenter but I'm a dad first I'm a preacher but I'm a dad first hello listen it's our calling we've got to make sure we have one shot I want to do the very best that I possibly can if you're close by somebody would you just reach over connect with them right now I know this is different we have I don't think we've ever done this before we called everybody in on a Wednesday night like this but I felt like there were some things that we needed to take care of but I do feel the spirit of the Lord in this building right now I want you to just pray that that every person in this building would just feel the loving arms of a Heavenly Father wrap around them right now Lord Jesus would you pray for us brother Nance come on lift your voice and pray right now over this congregation Lord we thank you tonight God for your presence that we feel thank you Lord for the love that we feel and the presence of of order and and thank you for for the discipline God that we feel we know you love us because of the discipline you show us we're so thankful God for the wisdom that's in this house God the hunger to do the right thing to lead our families God to have strong homes God and a strong church so that we can sustain Revival of God the Revival would keep going because we have strength at home and strengthened the house God we thank you so much for loving us enough to show us the right way to walk thank you Lord in Jesus name amen praise God God bless you as our prayer remember all of the announcements this Sunday is going to be a great time come be with us let's have Revival in Jesus name you're dismissed In The Name Of The Lord

Channel: Abundant Life Willis

Views: 732

Keywords: abundant life church willis, abundant life church willis tx, pentecostal church willis tx, apostolic church willis tx live, apostolic church willis tx live stream, willis tx pentecostal church, pastor dave stovall, firm foundations, you are god alone, jesus at the center

Id: c_sfmGTrfpY

Length: 85min 8sec (5108 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 22 2022