Finding Faith When You Don't Feel God's Love

yeah I think I I don't know it really has I think some wires in my brain are switched a little bit after these 30 days I spent so much time thinking about myself and I have learned over these 30 days that I don't think that's how Jesus did it [Music] okay I brought the lizard back for a close-up here's gluten-free he is a bearded dragon and I love him so much and he hates me so I'm Anna I work part-time as a children's librarian at a public library I love it a lot I struggle a lot with social anxiety which I think a lot of people wouldn't guess initially talking to me but I mostly it means I get really drained by talking to other people it's a lot of work for me wears me out a lot but I've learned that as I reach out to God for help in that area he always is willing to give it to me [Music] this 30 days has been really challenging definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone a lot but I I've learned a lot from it [Music] foreign the part that makes me honestly the most nervous is not that I I trust God will guide me but I don't trust myself that much to be able to recognize the guidance and understand what he wants me to do I get really nervous that I will be able to figure out what God is trying to tell me but if I believe God can do all things then I believe God can do all things right so working on just trusting God means trusting me sometimes so I was at work I was sitting and talking with one of my co-workers used to just was kind of telling me what's going on in her life and I was asking her questions and was interested in what she was saying and as I thought that I I felt suddenly that God was telling me this was it this is where he had sent me today this is what he wanted me to do it was an expression of Christ's love for her that I was there and willing to listen and trying to follow his counsel and advice and it was an expression of my love for her to take an interest in her and what she was saying and like the scriptures and the gospels you mostly hear the big crazy Miracles that he did right when he raised someone from the dead money healed the sick when he gave a blind man aside back in those big ones but every once in a while you get one of those really small moments like Zacchaeus and the tree and I just always think there must have been so many of those moments Lots we don't hear about because they were small and maybe didn't mean much to people much to anyone besides the one person he reached out to but there must have been a lot and lots of those really small moments between Christ and people when all he did was just acknowledge them and let them know he knew that they were there he cared that they were there I just think um the scriptures say by small and simple means our great things brought to pass I think this counts I think small and simple means like a smile and a quick compliment and things like that can bring about great things it's kind of this funny thing I um all right well let's just get into it I I really really really don't like myself a lot that's part of my that's part of why I picked this project I I just think like increasing love in my life in general might help me Feel Love from God and love for myself in my life and it's kind of this funny thing some days are worse than others and on days when I really don't like myself it's it's really hard for me to talk to other people and reach out to other people um I was walking back to my car from uh my one of my classes and ahead of me I saw this guy that I know um and I did not want to talk to him so I started walking slower to make sure I wouldn't catch up with him but I thought all right if I'm gonna if I'm going to let the savior working my heart and change my life then I then I need to do my part so I started walking faster I caught up with them asked him how he's doing I think it meant a lot to him just to know he has a friend and I it's I'm embarrassed to say it really did just um my whole day completely turned around I had a great day after that it's really kind of almost annoying because now that I know that I'm responsible for that information now I know that it I really can't improve my day just by reaching out to someone else it's like what a weird thing that I am like yeah I'll do a 30-day challenge I am so willing to become more like God and then like all all the things God prompts me to do during this challenge are like against my will but every time I do even especially actually like the the times God promised me to reach out to someone and I want to those bless me and those feel good and those improve my day that's true but the ones that I don't want to do or the people I don't want to reach out to I I feel a bigger difference in my day from those actually so if you just start paying attention you might need some love it's like it's really pretty easy to figure it out um and also as a separate point there aren't that many people around you who don't need some love is what I'm learning also that pretty much anyone I decide to reach out to could really use it um to be honest I I spend a lot of time alone I am pretty I'm pretty lonely and I kind of expected as a side effect of this challenge to be a little less lonely um but I I some things take time that doesn't mean that will never come I guess I my my trust in God that His blessings and promises are coming is kind of maybe like a muscle right I I need to just keep exercising it and keep using it keep strengthening it so yeah I will say I am I've always kind of had like a hard time with revelation and you know like the age-old question of am I just thinking this or is God trying to tell me something and I am I think getting a little better at that I think like someone will pop up into my brain or I just I was looking at some old stuff that reminded me of her and I was like oh maybe I should reach out to her and then I thought is this just my brain or is this God taught me to do this and I was like I don't know why it can't be both to be honest I think okay um I okay I've tried this record this video a few times because I keep wanting to leave out a relevant part of it which is that today I sought guidance from God and tried to think of who he wanted me to demonstrate love for today and felt like he wanted me to demonstrate love for myself part of me was like is that just like a cop-out showing love for myself is a lot harder for me than it is other people which is probably not a surprise but I um it is probably the closest I've come though to a moment of feeling God's love for me like if he wants me to show myself love he he probably loves me right oh it could be something I hold on to for a while um I spent the night trying to find people who needed a friend and try to help them feel like they had a friend and they do have a friend if nothing else they have one person and also just to speak plainly what it means is I spent the night talking to people you know with less spatial awareness standing close for me than I wanted them to people who have a harder time carrying out a conversation people who uh it's a little bit awkward or tricky to talk to them sometimes and I think other people who just kind of hung out with their Circle all night and talked to people they already really know well it could be argued that those people had more fun than I did tonight but I wouldn't say they had a better time than I did I think I walked away feeling pretty fulfilled I feel good about what I did um but I I do I feel like I spent the evening the way God wanted me to spend my evening I talked myself out of conversations and social situations all the time because it just sounds like a lot of pressure I do think as I make an effort to work past that God helps me and that doesn't mean I'm suddenly cured of all social anxiety and now I never have to take any social breaks or anything like that but I do think if I am willing to try and put an effort God's willing to work with that and work with me I have learned so it's been a few days since the 30 day challenge um the biggest lesson I've learned is that it really it goes better than I think it will I when I Let Go of myself and what I want when I let go of panicking about whether or not I'm going to get the Revelation I'm seeking from God when I let go of how I want to be treated and the love I want to receive I don't think it's wrong for me to want those things but if I am filling up all the space in my brain all the time with all this panic and worry then I how is God supposed to put anything else in there that's what I know I know God loves people around me which I I knew before but I know better now um and to be a part of that to work in tandem with him on that it's a pretty good use of my time it might take up a lot of my energy and it might be kind of hard for me to do but I there's not a lot of better things I could be spending my energy on so okay I hope any of that made sense thank you for watching my 30 day challenge it really opened my eyes to a lot of things and hopefully kind of helped some of y'all who might also be struggling with social anxiety let me know in the comments it'd be really cool to hear about some of that others from the series will also be posting their 30 day challenges so make sure to subscribe so you don't miss them thank you

Channel: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Views: 14,543

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Id: P5alZPWN7jA

Length: 12min 34sec (754 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 06 2023