FINAL FANTASY XV - The Rageaholic

here we go here we go one more time everybody's killing here we go you wanna party with a man I'm never gonna go off Final Fantasy 15 last gasp for the jilted Japanese industry shimmering exemplar of its towering erstwhile exploits and a cautionary tale of cataclysmic proportions receptacle more unrealistic expectations than any given Asian school child as I open in my final fantasy 15 Savior or reefer rant I haven't seen stakes piled this high since the last time sterling hit a black angus but the CliffsNotes are as follows if final fantasy 15 each shift so does Japan which of their animated porn is any indication might not be an unfamiliar posture for them cuckoo you know look so Chris you can walk today President Trump signed an executive order banning all scatter related hentai anime he added that the band would only last 120 days and inconvenience no.1 circuit in fact thank you very much he further added that no one bitched about this will Obama did it what if it succeeds it may well be the shot of each well to the butt cheek the anemic nihongo files to pray to the Paragons of poppy for its more than mere laziness or procrastination to delayed this review the fact is I wanted to wait to have an unassailable Verity of the game's fortunes before venturing an opinion so what the [ __ ] happened did it succeed did it devour distilled essence of dick well dispassionately pursed as we are now two months distant from launch I feel comfortable at last pointing by flag and boldly proclaiming China if we're wide sales are a viable metric having surpassed its predecessor ff13 by a half million units won't appear its messianic merits a resounding Lee [ __ ] affirmed but there's a Rhodesian colossus of a catch and its name is japan oh it ain't the US industry insensate in the ICU face [ __ ] a feeding tube for the last five years that's Japan so how fares 15 on the island that animu incest porn built you ask oh how does less than half that number sound job the Japanese support from its real-time hack and slash Shuri to its transatlantic typography FF 15 represents the most transparent attempt yet to wound the Walmart land whales in the good old US of ar-15 which beggars the question as a lowering of Cindy's undulating utters are to the average males ocular cortex when precisely was the last time squeenix sauntered in with 7-eleven asshat take it from a native no more I could buy some twisted conjunction of divine sadism you stumble on one of the five remaining gas stations that still employ an actual attendant and you have the dire misfortune of being in the blast radius when that Beluga battle ax bends the [ __ ] over believe me the last thing you're going to want to do is strap on Sony VR and dive dick first into varicose Valley you'll see fewer veins on a komodo dragons dick sack but it's more than the travails of a tanking Japanese industry ff15 flounders in the shadow of tried to prolong pissed eggs that were its predecessors 12 with its half-assed open-world wank fest 13 with its maudlin 20 square on a treadmill linearity trait but ultimately terminal beanie a letís it's final fantasy 15 thankless tasks to ameliorate by opening the game with a soul-crushing Lee linear car pushing sequence flanked by invisible walls while I can't believe it's not Zelan the Papa douche recites a complete annotated history of asymmetrical tit wanks topi ah from the Big Bang to that ass [ __ ] afternoon I thought you were going to talk to Sheldon well I did what do you think he pointed out that he kind of sort of had a put up with you and it sort of had a I didn't agree with him well you defended me right I tried hey hey noctis if you're not too busy being named after a shitty Canadian metal festival let me tell you about the time the gwampa dupes and the derp enstein vanquished the dick knobs the battle of our writers a lazy [ __ ] ah Poulos it was I the only one wondering as i ambled from one state suburban location to the next when we get to the Final Fantasy ah nothing sells the freewheeling flights of Phantasia that series is known for quite like curling up in my coleman foldable recliner to dine on piping hot texture popping while chatting away with daisy douche in my samsung galaxy s4 sliding into my luxurious LDR a to go vanquish up [ __ ] a friend hey so long as your life ending every whisper singing folk rock [ __ ] bagger the Yellow Sun forgets Amtrak here's a song you can feature that actually [ __ ] fits one the best things is not like the others one piece doesn't belong i'm as capitalist the [ __ ] as they come but flying around in a final fantasy fiat why stop their ass munch conan for k-swiss rudolph or Froot Loops to home to pencil I mean what's the [ __ ] fantasy that's a party posse can minuto the [ __ ] up in the Mojave Desert and their designer douche frosty bag in a try clause with nary a feathered air at a place I think I'd have an easier time believe it in a goddamn Griffin I don't know what but sexily a barbershop spawn this comb-over quintet when I'm sure they do frosted highlights one step forward nine steps back is the modus operandi for the twice street boys for every objective gameplay improvement whether it be freeform combat or spell crafting out comes the heavy lumber it's horseshit time driving around in portable product places of adults and droning of dubstep is rock-bottom for final fantasy which for a franchise that gave us 10 to Benilde hope and dirge of [ __ ] Cerebus is goddamn saying something that's said for a franchise is effectively languished in linearity for two full decades the adoption of branching dialogue is a welcome addition indeed even though the fact of the vast majority of your choices ultimately effect [ __ ] all with a sigh Danada effectively precludes them from having the positive impact on replayability intended no one wants the wades are the same twenty plus hours a teenybopper [ __ ] just to see of noctis and called princess lunesta tit before he's bottle necked into mandatorily marrying the [ __ ] for all the acrimony directed at 13 in its spec list follow-ups I've recommended past entry to the Final Fantasy faithful exclusively to reinvestigate I could easily see myself recommending thirteen to at least two fans of JRPGs presumably in the same breath that I recommend a potent antipsychotic strangely enough I would make the opposite recommendation for Final Fantasy 15 because when you get down to brass tacks missing Final Fantasy it's a traditional open-world Western RPG with an episode a glove flock of seagulls looking [ __ ] alone standing in for the customizable C RPG protagonist this wasn't meant as a Final Fantasy game it was meant as an experimental Final Fantasy spin-off a ps3 spin-off to be precise and if you don't believe my snarky ass and in wonderment at the water effects for a spell the only thing flatter than that ocean is Keira Knightley sailing on it and leave it to square enix a company that's been gushing gold bullion from the butthole for a decade thanks to Tim probably expensive games like this one to a referent leap Irma [ __ ] the in-game economy what's that you want to sell a Buster Sword the size of a Buick with an acid etched in Todd Lee love the Hanging Gardens of Babylon on the hilt I'll give you two beads of wampum and a handshake [ __ ] stiff but holy [ __ ] but those iron shavings pocket-lint and a half warp washer from a backed-up urinal on the i-95 would you like your payment delivered on 17 semi trucks or shall I just power and check Moulton silver into your bloodstream right the [ __ ] here and now while the executions more botched in a Pelosi [ __ ] rejuvenation the concept itself is perilously proximate as to the RPG title of my dreams ever since the 16-bit baptism by Breath of Fire I've pined for my own personal role-playing a game that suffuses the sandbox stylings of the most celebrated C RPGs with a party mechanics of geriatric JRPGs add just a dash of divergent dialogue choices and a fork friendly narrative souffle it'll be a one-way ticket to boner town well let's never been accomplished to my idiosyncratic specifications games like betrayal at cron door and Dragon's Dogma have made an admirable attempts before ultimately imploding in the absence of one crucial element or another cron door had the adventure and epilogue but lapses into linearity Dragon's Dogma has the open world and allies but said party members had the personality of a pube [Music] [ __ ] you wouldn't even have to do much give these preening Prochnow Mansour's an extra chromosome and put them in an actual [ __ ] fantasy world instead of Southern California with carbuncles you'd be halfway goddamn there but alas said flaws do not subsist in a vacuum one really has to ponder square-enix is increasingly opaque design ethos you unfurl a majestic tapestry of fabulous possibility zone 19 light-years out of your way to tailor the experience to each player ever adds most impressively evolved you pair the player with an unrivaled retinue of supporting players each with a fighting style as inimitable as a [ __ ] fingerprint and then when the wheel of [ __ ] lands on noctus the hell with it you can flip the [ __ ] between their fighting styles like a crackhead on payday again design of hard I've added up to my pitch with one size fits all Final Fantasy Flight devoured dingus intend to pause and mid-fight to play [ __ ] dress-up and lightning returns chomped on Chun during chode unless this is an animal edition of queer eye for the man draw back the [ __ ] off and let me fight and if you insist on allowing me access to multiple fighting styles instead of giving me access to all four and watering each and every goddamn one of them down in the process my suggest this ambition would be better served by allowing me to oh I don't know play is the other [ __ ] characters excellent examples of this rarefied phenomenon include the 2014 Game of the Year Dragon Age Inquisition cult Capcom RPG experiment Dragon's Dogma or any Final Fantasy title from before this series when Stern first into a [ __ ] shapes burg and slam into it it's certainly [ __ ] did but Final Fantasy 15 for all its unfinished fallibilities is a marked improvement over more recent offerings of the franchise reviewing 13 was a chore 13 2 was a snore and 13 3 was [ __ ] this rhyming [ __ ] a [ __ ] blue if in the recent past you fled the fields of Final Fantasy rack with a symmetrical design dysphoria not a glass back and give 15 a world this is the game for the uninitiated it won't work for everyone [ __ ] barely work for me but it is a solid little time sync lousy with side quests refreshing in its freeform fluidity i'm razörfist and i don't know about you but that audi corporation makes a fine ass automobile god [ __ ] speed [Music] [Music] merchandising merchandising where their real money from the movie is made if you take something already delicious like cup noodles and add in the finest precious ingredients where you get the ultimate flavor experience

Channel: undefined

Views: 119,856

Rating: 4.8875666 out of 5

Keywords: The Rageaholic, Final Fantasy XV, final Fantasy, Boy Bands, Backstreet's Back Alright, RPG, Video Game Review, Square Enix, RazörFist

Id: 1Zfhx2bC1fo

Length: 10min 58sec (658 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 15 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/wiglewigle]

I think i might have seen to many hentai, i recognized both clips he showed at the start instantly. Also isn't this the guy that called Omikron a masterpiece?

[u/Dragonage2ftw]

Don't link this guys videos, man.

He's as bad a person as he is a reviewer.

His taste is equivalent to his fashion sense.

His brain is as big as his dick.

Also, I don't like him.

[u/cutiepyro]

that was fucking great