Filth feat. Dion Lack - Daddy Issues Podcast

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take his hair cut and he turned this way look this other way did you tell him to do that he's been doing the most i was over there i was over at kion's and my man had the swimsuit on this dude got in the pool and got it wet he was like i gotta go change i was like the trunks was supposed to get wet came back with a whole new one you know this kid i never see who's yours [Laughter] it was come by the crib man you never invite nobody to your crib listen ever in life i'm not i'm never invited in fact you guys are a fan i don't invite family over you guys i don't know what you're talking about what are you talking about just show up if y'all were ever like hey yo we want to come through i don't know what your brother says you want to come through 86 thousand three no no everybody says that no one no one's like what's your address we coming through what time is that no one's ever ever once i definitely did it but i don't know no one's ever people you know you could say hey come by you guys but then everybody's doing stuff i'm doing stuff watching it but if somebody was ever like yo we want to come by and say yeah we want to come by and see you when you want to come tony you stupid when you want to come when you're free when you want to come this weekend come come this weekend all right we will see i got zero confidence that tony and sabrina will pull up oh zero coco i see that that's a full-on no tuesday yeah it's a full full-on chat he's coming at you today toni chad's never advice man and i don't show up to people's houses i'm definitely not sure nobody i'm definitely not pop-up mcgee i still think you live off of crenshaw you never tell anybody about that well when i lived off the couch no you you didn't tell me you moved i showed up with chris shaw i was like yo jazz [Music] hey i was like dion was like hey i can't try it i was like oh yeah a little hispanic one with him and the moomoo came and said hello hello looking for jasmine you must be uh yo's mom you use his real government have you been to this new place no i just found out yeah he found out some months ago that's hilarious oh yeah man i don't live in the mall i came there with bearing gifts i had frankenstein like hey i'm glad you didn't walk in yeah rachel dion's just walking the baby jesus super comfortable too naming people oh you yours mama okay [Laughter] to recast somebody on the podcast bro yeah who was the best recast in tv shows how they played it off oh man when they had to be on i'm viv we did it on white no we noticed that my wife and kids did it too nobody even who didn't we notice who was the best as in like um they acknowledged it of like this is a new person here i don't know it might be denise i think obviously my wife and kia's like yeah who are you i'm your dad oh yeah we made it we made mention to it uh wait who got replacing my wife the girl jazz i think she ended up doing uh either parenthood or porn uh bernie mac show is one of those she she went on to continue working no i wasn't not from bernie mac's show i don't remember which show but she went on the show she yeah craig don't even know his own credits he can't keep up with chris he does not know his own christmas that's true yeah yeah now it had to be it had to be first friends because when she came down the steps he's like yeah you look different after having that baby and they looked in the camera and the whole show kept going i felt like that was a jab at viv uh uh janet probably i didn't think it was a job i felt like they had to address it though you got like a dress you have to because it was settling three this is what happens when you talk back to me because the audience will talk they didn't patch it up dion you're trying to start [ __ ] again right they already cried in front of everybody yeah that's how i looked at you the audience will talk in the middle of your filming if you you'll be like hey mom like that ain't yeah you know you can't just be like this we gonna mention this it happened on the cosby show right there was only a certain amount of kids then all of a sudden there was an older daughter that came out of nowhere oh yeah son but they just added a kid they didn't replace sony was just the oldest shoes like she was away at college yeah in the middle she came in she got a husband i didn't i thought she was always there no she wasn't here initially and she came in later yeah cause then she she had a lot to do later on but it wasn't like up front because she had her she was made she's a military dude restricted oh that's right okay then then melvin was uh vanessa lisa bones right no that was the military dude with lisa yeah yeah yeah the oldest one was the other day yeah yeah oh okay okay yeah elvin he was funny he was great yeah it was funny i want my black card taking because i've never seen any episode of the cops okay well you never know that's the great political uh statement to make be like never seen the cosby show yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't think i knew his way how you missed the college michelle um i was outside i was a martin person fresh prince that was way because it wasn't for our time but i still saw it though yeah i just never invested into it i don't think it was way before because i think they ended up 92 families yeah i didn't believe in families well it wasn't i was seven i don't think it was realistic 92 yeah they believe in black doctrine mother is that a lawyer i think it was like from eight years it ended yeah so we caught yeah hey guys we don't believe in the cosby show yeah figuring out the time he don't believe in him it was sci-fi it was what lloyd where how old are you 39. now you was right in that position he said he didn't believe in it because there was a it was non-fiction i mean it was fictional it was it was for the environment because the black family was successful yeah we couldn't relate them being that long that that like what is what's real about that like she went to college yeah they're like y'all never at work you wouldn't even know because you've never seen it well they showed cliff at work all the time my older brother my older brother made a note of that like man what this ain't real man what what what but it wasn't that's that's what i planted your brother it wasn't about them working though it was about them being at home and dealing with the family we don't want to see claire huxtable the litigation case we see uncle phil once in a while and that was much later you saw him when he became a judge find out i never seen a fresh prince black people in beverly hills when he became a judge when they started showing him at work when he was a lawyer they didn't really show him ever they just talked about early and then when he became a partner then a judge they was like oh all right i thought he was a judge like south central no he was a lawyer he might have the tv show the tv show not the movie the tv show remember the tv show he's a lawyer did you call your parents no because we're their parents that's because he was a lawyer because usually you're a lawyer then you end up a judge that's what i think hey he was right that's how they describe lawyers on film you just have a briefcase now oh yeah okay yeah you always get the briefcase you got the card objection you're on there you got to scream that out did you watch fresh prince i did okay all of them yeah do you know that uh uh james avery was the voice of shredder yeah yeah yeah yeah definitely i love that bro i love to hear that that's so dope yeah it's always a shock like wait you know what's crazy like cause you know we have kids we all have kids now when i go we watch a lot of those shows now and i recognize all the voices i'm like oh that's so awesome oh that's julia white but when i was watching i was just like cartoons i kind of disagree with james avery having an asian accent as shredders [Laughter] i guess so keep david as goliath oh that's super dope it's great sorry keep dating every voice of jesus come on kids pianos over here editing videos you could have been doing this while you was on time i did i was doing doing the homework in the hallway before class start yep kids i was the king of doing like give me i used to get there early and go in the lunchroom and whatever girl had it done why why were women's the girls so much more efficient than us because they got it from a less attractive male before you got there you just did it they did all they were it was always the dudes like let me let me see your paper you didn't do [ __ ] nothing we were trash even when like when it came to work i was i was talking to katie about this other day i feel like all my my female friends had jobs they always like when we was teens and early 20s we was like man it's hard it was like i've been working at this place for three years now we was always behind also dudes will hold on to a athletic dream a little bit longer that's why we have jobs i always had a job i was like nah i was trying to play football in my third year you handled that sweetheart your boy going pro i'm gonna get you on the back keep you know what the dreams keep you from the job because i just realized that my my job situation got more shaky when i started focusing on stand-up and acting but before that i always had a job yeah yeah because there was no there was nothing when you started chasing [ __ ] this yeah that's when i started disrespecting work you look at your boss like they quit your job oh yeah one more get back to your seat but i've always been i've always been [ __ ] this job yeah even even mid work i'd be like i would quit in a minute i used to have friends that would like [ __ ] this job but then i go watch them bomb and be like hold i on it that's the perfect attitude to have but you gotta get back in there and talk to your boss make sure you you should be on time today i've been fired from each and last one of my jobs finally uh working at mcl cafeteria and it was just busting tables how did you get fired um i told a guy could you work for me he never came in and i was and i got caught for the blame of like yeah yeah he came in like chameleon you're supposed to come in he was like man i quit two weeks ago that wasn't even [Laughter] how it all started see it was a [ __ ] in my way i pretended to take that [ __ ] i got some [ __ ] he got fired she took it i moved up this is the song i was playing it was like yeah can you work for me i got you brother [Laughter] [Music] 70s is the best music era i have it i have the 70s 90s and then everything else they tried yeah yeah but 70s i was playing 70s the other day and shaft came on and that intro came in i look over keelan was like what's happening he was feeling this tough he was like oh yeah okay he got a leather jacket and a long pinky nail there's nothing about me that says you can make it yeah yeah in the 70s i was a short portly guy you know what you could do in the 70s you could have made it you could have everybody was short and your hairline and facial hair your color set george jefferson had a colder saying for the long hair was disgusting look at james evans yeah his head was trash look at me and joe green it just gets worse man yeah i was like yeah that did not matter at all you could just at all here whatever whatever grew was there give me a pound on the side that's brown this is a beautiful time what was your second try second fire second fire um uh t-mobile i was just i mean yeah we met dan when he was working at t-mobile yeah oh this is the t-mobile yeah how did you get fired i was just pulling to the last well you know you know you do like when you find out that oh there's a loophole in here there's a loophole in the system you had you had a you were like a big up there weren't you no i wasn't i was a normal rep but as far as like trunk specials [Laughter] when you find out when you find out that when it because this is early cell phones when you find out that you can zero out your phones just to sell the customer you say you want this phone it's like no okay i'll give it to you for free and then you get this free phone but a lot of times people come up with a sim card and i'd be like uh if they come into the sim card they already have my phone i'd be like okay cool and i now take the phone zeroed out myself and not put it in the trunk make sense so then i'll just sell that phone for full price oh this guy everybody needed a t-mobile yeah so i had to finish yours so uh i was doing that for years i'm talking i was close i'm like 96 000 a year from from just trunk specials like the the the the money i was making the money i was making from t-mobile was like that's this i'll fly a girl out for that i just need to keep this down to keep hustling yeah this is just my office space money the way i got killed wasn't even none of that it was a dude from the cafeteria uh activate one of his phones though uh but yeah did you i did i got it hey my phone so sim cards cost 20 right i tell people uh if you want to pay with cash it would be 20 if you pay with credit card it'd be 21.96 they'd be like okay i pay with cash and i'll just take that pocket myself because sim cards were just laying everywhere all around the store so like they were never keeping track of sim cards yeah so this one guy came and was like i wasn't here that day one guy said uh is dion here and i was like he's like he's off today can i help you yeah he told me i can buy uh sim cards for 20 cash and then it was like uh uh no that's not right that's um he's actually stealing from us and then my co-workers was like dion you know amber's about to call you right now she's about to fire you dude because they they they they won't they're going back to the cameras i racked up that stupid customer yep who was it i mean i don't know i could have went to jail right he was the rick ross yeah yeah he just had bricks potatoes if i never got fired i've been still working there of course yeah that kind of money years old when you feeling like oh like we got that 19 cell phone money man yeah i'm being like oh man by the way this uh what was the sidekick 3 premiere [ __ ] i had all the psychics two hands oh yeah man how long have you worked there uh like four and a half years wait and then so there's no need uh yeah we've known almost since i worked there since uh oh wait a second uh little t-mobile connect but all he would do is he'd like give me a hundred dollars and then i'm gonna give you these ten numbers you go to this number then dial them in your phone and each one's a twenty-five dollar credit so that's gonna last you a couple of months okay that was my connection i'd have phone on for months to just give him a hundred dollars and he'd send me like he'd like check and see if the numbers work right there damn yeah i love that foreign language this is la every job is a connect you'd be like oh i got the cell phone connected what you need you got the movie theater connect all right cool so let's give me 20 tickets i'm going to get you a cell phone shoe connect which i got one but he ain't getting back there shoe connects are tough yeah i got to shoot connect hit dante up down yeah we got the jordan one connection he got everything i care about why why should people give you cheaper shoes i know it's a great connect to say that but like if i'm selling it for 200 but yo look at me for 150 like some people can't get tickets to like a concert and you might be like oh tony in town get tickets to tony yeah so i'll give you more just because i know you give me these four ones with the shoe the shoe connect for me i think they get the benefit because i put them on they pay yeah yeah like the guy um it's the same thing the guy i'm talking to i'm just thinking like if the shoe is like 600 dollars yeah and it's like yo hook me up it's like why is it beneficial for me to hook you up well when it comes to drama it matters oh yeah yeah because like it's like i will give let's say we have merch sure somebody got a million followers the sales i'm gonna get from that million yeah all his is based off of so it's like a mutual like hand shake i got kids man i know they don't give me my kids i'm like they like it your kids got jobs though no they still need the money though they should be like yeah they're two [ __ ] i'm like yeah [Laughter] if any any shoe connectors listen listen man because the jordan one the ones that just came out those little baby joints they were already like 400 and something right are they all ready and they just cuz what they're doing the people are just going to buy them all right and then they're not like we don't even have a shot in hell if you're not like on it you can't get them i woke up that morning i said the alarm clock 7 00 am yeah i was on goat like yeah they also put up the other one sneakers put a post out for anybody that does the custom shoes that you you'll wear them you'll put it on your page it's like it's custom yeah yeah yeah it's a plug too but the ones though actually are easier to get than like the elevens and them them eleven's twelve the third they'd be like i need a thousand i'm like oh well i'm just wearing jordan's man what what what number did jordan start like yeah i'm not [ __ ] with them oh man oh i stopped early like is it like the like the 15. when they got into teens i was like okay what the jordan's feet was bleeding in that day that was 30 years ago the ones are definitely a fashion shooter he had no business but are you flat-footed i am so so so you gotta get some doctor shows just to be there like if you're not dunking they had a perfect shoe yeah yeah work on that turn are super comfortable because those are like hoop shoes yeah yeah they're super comfortable the ones they're they're fashionable how many jordans can y'all identify by number do you think all i got is the ones which ones were the space jams one which one was that was 11. i was going to say 11. i really was that's it i know they got the gum shoes at the bottom the gum at the bottom i don't know patent leather i had iversons the only person i ever collected shoes from i had like the answer the questions i've had both in my time i've had uh sure i'm not really the question because the answers the questions were the first ones right questions was the one with the tip that everybody said right right okay the answers were the zip ups yeah i had the zip ups and i had these other ones the one with the bubbles on the bottom suck cause they used to always pop yeah i had those and i had one more uh pair of irises and then jazz was out here stunt i didn't even know iverson had i mean i had like 15 shoes no i thought he had three yeah after the first two they were trash yeah yeah that's when you didn't get picked on the court when he was like oh you got the iverson fours nobody want to talk about how trash kobe shoes was though everybody knows them adidas the first one see this is like the bart train that's the thing i remember you posting about the bartram's terrible balenciagas bro those are there's some stupid dummy shoes so it's into the it's into the animation phase where if you have a big ass foot it look cool with you [Music] the girls are wearing now they're big sneakers but it sucks but shoe designers need to take chances to see what sticks though sure that's something i'll feel but it's not it's not even new design what shooting is like here rapper have these for free and wear them and everybody's like i'm gonna copy you because i'm an idiot and it's like no like hello people yes i said what i said are we hideous for that we do it in basketball all the time i'm with you mirror we wear ugly shoes i can't tell you about father's day i wore an arm sleeve for a lot of years and i had zero tattoos on my arm i just thought it helped with the shock when it first came out for iverson when it first came out he had it was it was medical and then it went right out for his tattoos as well yeah he had it he had remember he had that tenderness in his elbow right and that's why they put it on and then um ray allen started wearing them because when they were playing the spurs uh bowen grew his nails out long and kept scratching him rip hammer says the same thing so he started wearing the sleeves so it was for reasons and then it became like a fashion right there yeah and then it became like a fashionable thing and then i just started wearing a thing on his finger because he broke his hand everything they had was medical right the kid was like this looks cool man bro you'll see the dude on the court regular ass bomb it'd be me on the court headband two casper's wearing two headbands two headbands yeah exactly the lopsided the shoes let's go play [ __ ] with all the accessories i'm like he's picking pickles he's just there to hold him next he the new fire lebrons on so i know i was like well that's 200 lebron jerseys [Laughter] and they always sucked like the people who just have a t-shirt on it's got a pit stand i'm like this thing is going to drop 30. inside out i'm here to work out you guys got a family union see if we can recognize each other all my food was just old clothes that i had right from previous you know yeah the best hooper is usually in some sweatpants and a thermal shirt and some headphones because he ain't going to hear you say pass me the balls with headphones uh hampton wait which one was him uh joe big joe oh okay okay okay yeah now i love it for me it took me back because it's about you know it's junior college and uh all the stuff that just went on i was like i remember i remember and all the teams they mentioned we played them like we played a lot of them teams and i was like east l.a i mean we never played ucla but we played like saddleman that's where yeah last chance you was there yeah he's still late they would have won they was twenty seven and one too there was a documentary cover yeah yeah and uh it was and they was like you know some of these kids are out here you know sleeping three or four or one bedroom i was like we had five yeah and it was spacious we had five and like all they were talking about you know people are watching from the outside like these kids are flipping out they have attitudes i i was like i used to complain every day until i became the starter i was like hey better than me because you're there and you're like i'm trying to get out of here yeah i need a scholarship i need to be playing you're not playing me and so i understood like when kids flipping out you're panicking yeah like this is all this is it if i don't do it now right i'm never going to school and your dream is just to go to school yeah panicking phone constantly yeah with your other friends that are playing college getting accolades that you're like i'm way better than that right now you're seeing people that you played like most people end up in jc that's what i love about the documentary most most not i shouldn't say most there are some that end up there you're there by accident you're there because grades fell through or you know something happened you're good enough to play at the next level just something happened right so i'm watching people i'm watching on saturdays it's a do that cow that i played against that i mean when i say he sucked he sucked and i'm like he's that cow and i'm sitting here at this jc because of my high school coach who was going around telling people not to recruit me because he didn't like me yeah so like [ __ ] like that happens and i'm watching this bum that cow and i'm like this is a mouthpiece or something you know i mean so it's got some money it's yeah it's just it's like so the documentary for me i was just like i remember yeah it takes me back one shadow is it episodic no it's a season full season episodes but uh yeah i was watching it and a lot of players end up there because their parents don't know the politics of it you don't know you gotta call coaches and right send uh tapes out you just think they gonna find your son at this little school because he's scoring mm-hmm and then sometimes like nah they didn't find you even though you're scoring 80 at this school or there was a camp you were supposed to go to and your parents like i ain't paying for that but at that camp is where everybody got they ride from or whatever you're just like i could have been cheap play ball right he played well played i came here you played in high school yeah what what moment did you realize like i'm not going to the league oh i knew that from i might know that in high school my i was just trying to play in college yeah for me i was getting checks already i was right i was at the comedy spot uh doing pokemon jokes i was on set that has to hurt though you'd be like i'm not gonna make no cause you're when you're a kid you're like obviously like i want to do that and then you start getting older and each level you go to you realize man these [ __ ] are good yeah yeah like that's why when people be like so-and-so is a bum yeah compared to kobe he is about compared to the lebron he is above but he can walk into any gym in the country and dog everybody out there he's a 12th man on the nba match you know i mean if he's a starter at a really good price did you see that video he beat the [ __ ] out of the people scrambling everybody was talking all that [ __ ] about him he challenged everybody to come hoop and he thought then i think one person scored four points maybe maybe i think there's genius to do who who's right in the nba yeah he was like but he had one maybe two or three games in a playoff series where he was balling and then he just kind of made his name off because he had a small stretch right that kind of carried that but he also fit with the he was a redhead white boy he played for boston like he fit he played for you know they they loved they loved him in boston he looked like what's his name what's the uh the actor uh michael rappel yeah yeah just imagine him and rappaport was a hooper but just imagine him he could who at six ten you know what i mean so people were like he sucked so he's like i'll come to the gym and i'll play ever and he dogged every last one he wasn't even close and i mean that wow and not only was he dogging him he was you know nba physical so he's just blow bucket little ass out there and that's what people don't understand like that like i remember when before dane lillard was damned lillard he would hoop in oakland he's in there killing people and he's just some guy at weber state you know what i'm saying but he was that much better than everybody else yeah it's like you people just be like oh so-and-so sucks no [ __ ] you suck yeah he sucks compared to that great player yeah this is it's not the same this is what my tell my son about high school basketball there's going to be different levels where different players fall off there's going to be the guy that was six feet and junior high that just stops growing right and everybody thought he was going to be a female he disappears then there's the guy that's dope and he gets a girlfriend and starts hanging out with the girlfriend and he disappears pregnant then there's the guy that just was good and he didn't go and work out and practice and sooner or later he's not stronger than everybody and he's gone right then this guy with bad grades that he's nice and probably better than everybody but he's like he don't get [ __ ] and then he's not gonna so he's gonna lead himself out so that's why i think the percentage of people who even go to college it's like three percent of all the hoopers it's three percent and then for the league it's point something so it just it just gets smaller and smaller and then when you get there like when i got to even my community college i was like oh this is a whole nother level yeah then when i got to the university i was like this is another level and then when i started playing like one of my coaches was in the nba we started playing against him and he was already 37 years old he was already past his prime but he was so damn good i was like damn and he was a bum right in the league and so there's a mentality thing though as in like i can't [ __ ] with these [ __ ] no no because one or two things happen you either have that or you play and you be like no i can play with them so my thing was at school i was like i'm gonna go overseas like i'm not going to the league but i can go overseas and play for sure and then injury and i was like well that's i'm done with that [ __ ] and and i didn't have the this is all i can do i'm gonna chase that like everything is you know 29 still i'm working i'm gonna go overseas i was like i gotta earn this tattoo yeah and i'm like i'm okay with this i'm i'm good also i'm not six six like i just i understand it for those people who are right six they're like i have to do like how am i not doing this you know what i mean for me i was like well i mean think about that can work the same way when it comes to comedy you know you you're doing comedy and then all of a sudden you'd be like oh [ __ ] i am opening up for bill bearer and bear brother you're not gonna open up [Laughter] [Laughter] he'd what's up brother but it's just like in basketball and in comedy most people they don't get cut they defeat themselves and just right they bail out weed themselves out bill burger in high water for the grammys yeah he's always in high water he's funny uh he was doing announcements at the grammys and he he fumbled some woman's name horribly they won the grammy for for the uh latino yeah in the water whatever you know the feminist is going to be coming for me for this one yeah because he was like they were why is all this why is this white sis male 1 saying all this latin he's like billboard don't care yeah yeah and also if you hire bill bird right i'm just like you know it should be do what you're getting man stop hiring people you know what you're going and cbs hired them so cbs hey man you know what and seabest was wild this week because even with like having uh meg the stallion and uh you saw the little watt performance oh boy [Music] this isn't like cbs's territory cbs is usually super stiff yeah but uh i feel like they're definitely pandering man whether they are not it was well it was good to see i enjoyed it i mean when you got a song called wipe you gotta take it there but it's also uh it was for the the web as well so they felt they i was just surprised that they put it on i was kind of like i didn't think cbs would be like we back this yeah first thing jackson in the super bowl yeah oh it was way worse they always let some of that out and then be like oh man we didn't know it was going to be like this yeah you've seen them really mad about that and they blamed her versus just blame her yeah she did this never had her back it's janet jackson's fault he didn't need to you know how long that was my screensaver i remember when it happened i don't remember nothing about that game yeah i rarely watched the thing and he did we was like hey wait a minute cause the camera cut so fast but we was like hey no no reminding that that was a titty i'm not a boomerang the fact that it was a war malfunction you're like that had to be playing yeah because it fit the song it was on beat it was zombie it was so he was supposed to remove something just not the complete nipple was supposed to be out no she had a design a ring on are you supposed to take something out yeah and i i don't want to do this but i honestly and he apologized since then but i i would i would love to ask was that on purpose because you had a piercing that is not a normal appearance right that was to be seen and then for that to just pop off and to do it on beat at the end of the song and like it just was too perfect first of all i didn't see no stretch marks on the titty no ash and she didn't scratch makeup on it too it was planned it was definitely for me it was the it was the ring for me it was the ring i was like that is a look at this ring sun with diamond with the it was just too perfect for me to be like but i think they both been in the business they were kids right mm-hmm so then i go like you're smart enough to know what you can and can't do i'm sure i'm sure they the superbowl was like hey you know no no no yeah i don't think anything they didn't know janet had an album coming out i didn't know if uh timberlake did or not but i just wonder i'm just like they seem way too smart and polished to think that hey you know what they're not gonna be ready for it they had rehearsal in the fcc or whoever watching it i'm sure they watched them like this is going to kill them right i like it i like it and then when backlash it was like we didn't approve this yeah and the camera was ready it wasn't out of focus nothing [Laughter] so much that just went right right that was the first internet breaking i don't even know if there's an internet right they were talking about yeah it broke the internet i would love to just ask them like just keep it like privately like keep hey yes y'all do that on purpose if they say no they're fine yeah but that's really good come on hey jan it's just us it's just us so that teddy was supposed to make his day dude she's gonna be like hell no give the titty to mike tell him tell us your story i was just happy to be at the supermarket the whole time and it jiggled a little bit too that's it he snatched up and said yeah it made me sound like a 90s tv show before it was vilified though i hated it that was trash it was unnecessary not in my household well she was vilified by the whites they said it they had it on their phones too she was vilified by cbs yeah it was like yeah and then she was banned from performing do you remember that she was banned from performing like most places she was on a european tour at the time she didn't care about that i think she carried a lot it was a bunch of billionaires [Laughter] i got teddy bears hold up i don't i don't like when rich women marry rich her men i hate it rich because rich women should be finding little guys out there yeah i'm like why are you like someone hayek murdered by and i'm like why yes she did why are you marrying a billionaire was dating a billionaire i'm like why are you all doing it jimmy roberts pulled up oh i married a bum that didn't work out for her though i honestly guess she's still there no she didn't she wasn't some biker dude or something like that no that's sandra bullock no uh julia roberts went with a complete no name there you go well he was he worked on set right yeah like there you go yeah that's how you do it together here's the grip here at the weed that's why when you're a provider all your life or your whole your whole career when you always like buying something for the man the man that's like i want to be taken care of i don't want him to use my money to take care of me no i don't think that i think i think honestly we're talking about realistic in the fragile melee most dudes couldn't handle it i could handle it well awesome where are they going to bump into you at right if i'm a billionaire ain't going to bump into you in the train station unless they walk into the moon but but also too also too it's hard to trust somebody that's underneath you like yeah you're just with me for the money yeah no i'd be feeling a certain type of way when i have to go pick a girl up because she don't have a car so if a billionaire's like yeah meet me in france and it's like oh you need me to come get you nah serena williams uh husband flew her to france for some time another billionaire i was like [ __ ] that's gangster baby but they think about the flight is long as hell they should be hungry right you're gonna make that date worth man you just flew you out of 14 probably privately so serena from comps just want to go find some compton dude with the dude who's like fixing the nest i get his net bro maybe they're basically fixing the net maybe i can't wait she probably gave him a [ __ ] the high school coach gave him a shot i wish all these choices that you're telling sarita she should be jennifer lopez dancer for a little bit she did chris something it was a couple christmas or whatever it was crazy he was 20 30 years later it was chris chris was about her age casper was about thirty casper yeah i don't remember casper wouldn't be out here maybe slowing it up man could you could you follow up after that like if you if y'all were single and you just like i know your track record just like god lee like is it fun to just date halle berry or jennifer lopez just because it's like hey it is but it's like i know this is gonna go bad or i think it'd be fun for a while i'm saying if i'm single i'm just [ __ ] if it's going bad yeah if i'm single and some of these women especially if you didn't have crushes on them since you i got i got hit you see like old condoms around her bedroom i'm like hey you don't clear with those well you talking about from a body count perspective or just yeah i don't i don't have any room to talk about anybody's body the body count means everybody everybody it's more about like is this gonna you know because we always hear rumors about all these people difficult other it once it gets stressful i'm out yeah but i've already had sex with holly berry yeah let me actually let me just so is does a freak turn you on or is it like what is it listen listen if you hear somebody say is like yo sandra she a freak or is it something like like how bad she let everybody busting her was it like i don't know that sounds bad that sounds bad but but i know i know because i had i had to give you the the the opposition of like thinking of like she a freak a word like is it easy win or is it something like ah man she she letting everybody hit i don't want to be a part of that well first of all if anybody's doing that at my age i'm not even worried about her i'm judging i'm talking about that how are you talking like that high school years when we all young and in high school of course you wanted the fastest i'm picky now man big but never high school in high school yeah you wanted to i always had to break down even in high school i was picky yeah yeah cause i was scared you know because i lost my virginity after high school so but i was pervy mcgee when it came down to like real women interesting yeah yeah see it depends on which person told me because some people be like she's a freak and i'm like oh he don't do nothing what she's saying is the freak is what i want but then some people like oh nah he's devilish with stuff yeah yeah but college tony that's when i was out here yeah and so i might have been like oh word now yeah to craig's point it depends on who said that if it wasn't dude i know and he'd be like if this dude i've always said i i judge i never judge numbers i judge the quality right so let's say a girl had 70 bodies but they were 70 interest elbows i think sometimes you gotta [ __ ] yeah yeah but if she had 70 if she had 10 you know flavor flavs little wings i'd be like oh hell no you just don't give a [ __ ] like i definitely judged that more than i did the box you know what i don't get this is this i i hate to compare disclaimers to a vehicle okay but here's here's my good luck all right here's the thing because this is actually in my favor for the women i think all right [ __ ] here we go so i never understand this the body count means something whether a woman has 70 100 or one person all right if you have one person you've been married to since you were 19 whatever for 30 years how many times has that guy hit right no but if it was r kelly no no but but i'm that's one guy because people always talk about oh i bet it's all beat up and it's like this is one person that [ __ ] is stupid it's thank you that was that's what i'm saying yeah thank you the mileage i think people trip on body count because it the easy factor right not not so much the mileage but if a person has a high body count there's a good chance they're having less sex than the person that was in a you know relationship for mad long because you know if you're out here just smashing whoever you you're probably not smashing as frequently as consistently right yes then again you might have less mileage on the actual vagina itself being single but your body count is high right a lot of those are one and dones maybe a couple times maybe you know but so i go i go well damn are you talking about oh it's it's beating which one is less used the person who's been married less or the person depends on the relationship it is people look at us crazy like y'all be sexing that much i'm like yeah yeah because every i looked up the numbers bro they should but when you look at the numbers and you hear people especially when you're talking when you're around dudes and they buy themselves away from the women they start venting let me get a shot and we i can't get her to do nothing yeah yeah do it once a month and kudos to how to do it with the kids that often that's the kudos part man the kids ruined them the timing be off i'll be like doing in there keelan yesterday said i kissed i was kissing her in the kitchen and he was like hey hey hey stop kissing her yeah and i said i can't kiss my wife he said you can't this is exactly where he said you can but take that another room i don't know what he's saying wow i don't want to see it say less i respect that's what y'all getting up in the middle of the night p and feeling yourself stop getting up yeah it ain't nothing like getting caught with your kids like i've never been caught i've never been caught yet you like almost i had some close calls what do you want i had a bad dream you don't want you to tuck me in okay um okay give me a second just give me a second dad hurry there's a monster so whenever we hear the kids i just put the cover over me and she her robe is always there yeah so she just puts the robe on and goes but i can't go in there full salute and i got bunk beds so poor kendrick at the bottom will be like no dude [Music] it doesn't stop when they're teenagers either like my son might have heard me one night and he's like what's he doing playing call of duty last night for you i feel like it's different because it's tougher when you got it because it's not his mom right no it wouldn't be his mom so like for me if i got busted by the kids when i was older with a mom like that's kind of hey sorry i believe hey look man it's time you know that we've you're not the only time you smash is making you like that that's fine but just take it in the other room and i don't want to say imagine being a son knowing that your mom is single and she has like a bunch of guys with about high city mouths and she's just like he's just like you just looking like mom you be in hollywood long enough you see women bringing their kids like it's a a a school trip they take them to see the celebrities like yeah this is you know mr rick yeah yeah y'all shared the same wall he's like you'd be hating that cat the next time you see him hey little man i think i heard my dad getting it in one time with my stepmom but we were we were at the bathroom door laughing we we was like they do it in there it was just a whole bunch to take it to the bathroom yeah there was a lot of this [Laughter] he was having yeah i heard mine yeah i had friends over oh like we we were downstairs we i live in the basement and then my mom was upstairs like right above me so they was like yo he's like she's like you know hell i knew what was happening he said nah [Laughter] this is my house oh [ __ ] i heard you came in arguments so he was upstairs like damn it [ __ ] on my [ __ ] when we were little it was just like like tony like when we got older it was like all right like one time i'll never forget this but this is when i was older i was like maybe probably 16. and they thought we had all left the house yeah they was like all right keith and kyron left i took a nap on the couch because i was sleepy and i'm walking upstairs i didn't hear anything but i'm walking upstairs our kitchen was upstairs i'm going to get something i just see a naked body it was my dad fly by the door and i was like oh and i walked back downstairs so he came down after he's like come on man you know i'm jumping out here i said i didn't know i would sleep on the couch he said we thought you're on that man come on i was like i go i don't know just get out my face stop sweating go ahead close my eyes i just see your naked body running back i didn't see anything thank god but i just saw like it was like a blur and i was like oh sorry sorry sorry about that like i didn't make it weird or nothing but he came downstairs with the full explanation come on man we thought y'all left i wasn't trying to you know we thought we had a window you know you know how it is yeah no i don't know i'm sorry i'm good then i didn't know what to do after that i was like should i go outside i could pretend i'm not too fair you all need a sandwich i've been too deep now i've already seen it can i join can i watch it i didn't mean to join join i might take chad's it was your dad and like like a random girl or something he's my mother yeah this bubble that's weird that's weird i wouldn't want to do that no i wasn't one smash with none of my friends yeah that's weird also like i don't really be like i don't want to make like damn yo man come on dude that's weird you know i i don't wanna have a on a smash session with a family uncle and i was like no i'm pretending to be sick on this one my stomach ain't feeling bright yeah come on get on you get on over here come on get these familiar pumps it's all right i'm a pass yeah i'm passing on that that's weird [ __ ] man i i'm not a fan uh no i'm a solo i'm a solo artist yeah i'm saying i'm not i'm not a group artist i never i never wanted to to to be in competition with another [ __ ] i never you know what i've never even uh i don't think i've ever had the opportunity but i've never even like been like yeah i could do it or no let me bring in i don't even know where i stand on that hey tony what's up man oh i'm in vagina man you want to come over here but i'm also you know paranoid about that if i'm not first yeah i've been in your life you meant the same women or different women i was like this is what yeah no i just meant like you know because because i i've known cass that you know you know him and his dad like yeah we tagged even this girl right here oh boy same time yeah growing up i had people that were like having virginity parties where their uncles would just invite like uh strippers prostitutes over and be like yeah today's day y'all come upstairs i never want the girl to be like i'm done with you let's go back to you again it's like you like whatever really how about your dick so good i wonder where you got it from come here daddy i never really worry on that standpoint in terms of like him you know the insecurity of the other dude it was just i don't know it just never really appealed to me in terms of like yeah we gonna tag team this girl together high five i just don't want to see another [ __ ] but she's watched porn though i've watched porn but i envisioned my penis i'm doing that yeah so every time you watch porn you envision yourself as a guy that's me it's a white penis it's like playing a video that's his wife so you like you like pov porn i've definitely done a lot of pov porn [Laughter] would y'all be embarrassed by your porn search if it was made public hell no can i can i can i be vulnerable but now it depends on what you're looking for well this is how they questionable right if it's too many teens this is something that's going to blow keenan's head can't you blow kids god damn i am jackie blowing yeah let's go [Applause] so we all can agree we all like women and women right right sometimes yeah yeah i used to like it a lot more than when i was younger yeah we all agree we like depending on what traditional sex right i've i've found a new uh niche niche if you will okay oh yeah i am literally to hear tom i've i've found myself searching [ __ ] having sex with women okay think about it on top is woman or woman okay on the bottom is man woman bro okay so back to your original question if a girl said if you came to me and said this girl's a freak [ __ ] no yeah i'm not following [ __ ] listen listen think about it think about it think about it it's a man having sex with a woman right what's wrong with that well it's a cisgendered there you go i can't do it right now let's write it out man come on so if you see up top there's a woman a woman mm-hmm bottom man or female okay but what about when they pull out the camera not the so it's a dude wait so it's a guy with titties with teddies that's weird though i know what i'm saying so say i just combined both of my my preferences to one video you know they have gorgeous we've all gone through phases when connie got pregnant i watched nothing but pregnant porn that's all i watched and i was like i'm into these better yeah this like there was there was a split second when i was like why are you doing this you got a baby inside of you we're watching that pregnancy they were human it was because for me i was like when i was watching it it wasn't the act of her having sex with pregnant i was like but you're having sex with a random dude yeah if you was with the the father of your child hey that's what made me not watch pregnant but i was just like it's just a random just it made me look at my pregnant girlfriend like you're just out on these streets but i was still watching and then like you know i mean if milk came out i'd be like that's just what happened right that's just that you kind of judged me i needed these like still sign me up for this porn she's like hey you're pregnant he said i'm not saying then at first i was judging the dude but then i had had sex with a pregnant woman before i was like [ __ ] i don't blame you this [ __ ] is fantastic it's it feels so good it's different when you have an oculus you kind of have to expect that you're watching this oculus on the point oh yeah you can bring it around but you can watch porno yeah yeah you're betting about it you can watch it johnny [Laughter] i need to know where my surroundings is the reason why i'm wearing it because you you you be locked into the vr like oh i love this you take it off your own family like what he's like um he might want to delete some of this stuff on that's like what you talking about have y'all seen the videos of people that's like uh like if you when you leave your porn on in class yeah and they sit down the class like [ __ ] me and they just close it and walk off the clock you never work you can't cancel it when your laptop's open ah yeah you can't even like close it crazy i don't even watch that much porn anymore like i it was it was more of a like college thing and then now the older i get the less i was into it like the less and less i was just like all right this is i think what happened for me personally is like when you start doing a lot of the stuff now it's not like at first you was watching it because it's like man that looks yeah amazing and then you do it and you're like well [ __ ] i don't i just don't care it's not bad i always feel bad afterwards you're like what am i doing my life after you bust you're like what i'm [ __ ] i never feel bad you know that no no i'll just be like you in the bathroom i heard you say something like that right oh yeah yeah always you secure well it's not always the bathroom but like uh it's usually in the back ninety percent of mine have been in the program i'll just be i'll be straight to the bathroom because where you know where's the mess gonna go yeah you know i just like to be standing up right you know right but i'm just lazy i like to clean loop in the sink we're done yeah i'm over three tell you that's what you gotta do you light it but not too much because you don't want to catch one let's see i've done a couple porn moves and i i didn't know it was something going on until afterwards they're like so what made you want to do that and i was like huh cause you saw it yeah so why do you want to step on the first time i had do it that's like that was in the video yeah the first time i did the wheelbarrow because i saw it in the form and i was like i'm gonna try that yeah i don't know the wheelbarrow that's when you they're like in 69 and right now you're standing up and there on the like a wheelbarrow like a holding a boy like i did get a lot of moves and i was like oh you can do that then when i started lifting weights and got stronger it was a lot more stand up stuff i was like so all i gotta do is turn you up i can hold you up is the head blood going to rust to your head no i'm fine let's do that you do that the stand up 69 all that stuff i was like yeah we could do those yeah i i um i never bust on a girl's face before i always felt about i feel like that was oh i said it like it was a yeah so what because i was thinking about there was a reduction of it i always think about like you know i they always end with busting on the girl's face and i'm always thinking like yeah okay i'm always thinking like like she has to clean it off like it's not like we just gonna cut here and we go back to life it's like you can go get her uh so you're gonna what does she ask for are you gonna deny that if she actually hey a lot of pink guys left my room you gotta do it you gotta do what you gotta do like that issues became the most misogynistic right now my search is usually orgy porn would you yeah he could have been everything oh i don't need a windows open everybody's in there somewhere yeah man i'm more boring i laugh because i know people i i know when we're doing this people can catch our faces in real time like when they watch it back so he said something i could never do [Laughter] uh those sex parties when a guy be dancing around and the girl started giving him a head for no reason like i don't need to be in the streets anymore right that's dude i've seen some drunk dudes at the party just trying to dance up oh girl like you know no somebody come get your friend how do you get these girls to come like hey this is guys that's all dancing it is definitely paid that's nice i could just go and take it out somebody gonna suck it like that was for me i was like yeah yeah that was the initial like same with bang bust i thought it was real oh man started looking in people's cars like all right hey wait hold this yeah in the back seat now you're getting around catching case driving around what's up girl yeah i got a thousand dollars to come in my bank man literally you sound like a thousand chaz did you used to live he said man it's crazy having a daughter man you're gonna watch this so wait your original question though was would you be embarrassed by the i'm not embarrassed by nothing i'm searching for and they i avoid teen stuff yeah like when they be shelving at that team i started watching mature porn to not feel guilty about watching yeah man look out it's crazy look how like you're you're you're a [ __ ] weird-ass [ __ ] loser if you watch some barely legal [ __ ] and and anybody who like what was this i i no you're ain't no way there's no reason to watch that other than because i want somebody who looks like she's [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah that's the [ __ ] i'm watching a mother like an adult you know what i mean all those ones i'm into like oh the mills joining me great or or just like this is like you know forging stepmom or somebody anything that's sneaky or like we shouldn't be doing this warrior i'm like yeah [Laughter] i believe [Laughter] but sometimes you just watch a porn it's just oh we in the middle already what happened i like the leader i'd be like to know what happened yeah and where y'all getting to all right let's go back oh i went there all right between those two moments all right they have no script they just be freestyling um i like hats you like hats too i have one in my pocket it's called a jimmy hat yeah and then they get it in i just i remember i went through a phase where i was watching like the mom and daughter thing she was like let me show you how to do i was like oh yeah yeah yeah show her there needs to be more mothers like you all right this is fantastic i would love for that to happen to me mia khalifa had a video like that it's supposed to be her and her mom she said wiz khalifa mia khalifa oh no yeah i thought you said no that's gonna blow up right probably so and it was yeah i've seen that video a few times mm-hmm you know like i know you know a couple porn stars right like in real life mm-hmm well know them well because if you see them like would you bring it up like oh i seen your video or would you be like i love your work yeah because i know what they do they know and they ain't no shame and they get right but do you do you you know how people talk to us about like yo i've seen your show man yeah the part you said blah blah blah stars but yo the way he flipped you over he was like yo i feel like it's a given that you know if i know who you are yeah you know it's like you know but no because i've been in that position and i didn't do that i just i tried to act like i'd be trying to be low-key on for their sake yeah i'm the rude dude i'll put my hand up and why are you up there when the way you suck dick from the back you can't take the high five i always do that and it's a compliment like i watched i watched the girl's porn with her before oh boy and i was just trying i was being normal all right so she was like this is i was like oh a whole cucumber okay okay like i've talked about this on stage like it i just tried to stay as normal as possible and she showed her video and i was just like and i was trying not to look at her like honestly i just tried to focus in but then yeah i mean it was just i was trying to make it as least weird as possible that's the key with paul and for me it actually was please for me it wasn't weird i honestly was just like all right well this is yeah you know whatever it is it is i don't get aroused at all watching it with other people i watch porn like it's a comedy like that's crazy yo liz great boy i'm by myself i'm like oh serious business this is his business i will testify man in three minutes what you did in three minutes yeah man remember what you did at three minute mark but the the one the one point starter that i kind of became friends with i feel like she wasn't able to handle me just being regular with her and so she would just say stuff and i'd just be like what are you talking about like you know talk about it because i never i never flirted or anything you know what i'm saying it was just you know and she would she would say things it was just like what you know cause i'm a problem you know you want this saying stuff like that and i'm just like you know my girl like what are you what are you doing yeah and so it was just like that's that's a joker whatever this whole time i've been regular you know we know what you used to do or whatever just be regular yeah we ain't offering you to come over and you know and i feel like she couldn't handle that you know just me being regular and then it just got weird i was just like you know what would you ever had a male porn star if like your girl had a male porn star friend would that be cool like uh mr marcus and uh sabrina is cool on the side they're not gonna decide [ __ ] can't hang out they can't come by play chess and [ __ ] no [ __ ] i don't think i would trip on on that let me cancel your queen yeah i don't know i don't think i would you can't come to the crib and hang out how would you feel if you catch your girl uh masturbating to somebody i mean that's porn that's his name feel like we both go but like you see what you want me to say would you walk in like oh hey what time you were like yeah don't mind what i'm doing over here one time me and sabrina had a race watching porn yeah hilarious i'm sure did you have your own you had to win we were both on either side you had your own preferences yeah we were watching the different videos y'all was mobile dude anybody watching one more was weird okay i can't honestly i don't remember you better hold us down man i can't remember we in there hyping them up just go tony come on i would have watched her no oh there we go [ __ ] boy you be looking over but hurry up see her toes panicking wait how did how did the competition come you was like and nobody bought faster than me oh yeah yeah i said it i meant that [ __ ] go bring it how in the hell did y'all start off and be like how do we get here this chicken's good i bust fast faster than you bring it on cue it up queue up your favorite video i'll get mine we're gonna see [Music] [Applause] i've been waiting for this came down to the slow motion finished [Music] [Laughter] what's [Music] this is what we're into people by the way like people who asked would you hide your stuff i i i said would you be ashamed what if you could stream it like if you streamed for him would you like that and i would be like if you did your own like if you streamed porn like you did our tv show did you hide that like if you watch like if somebody logged into our account they could see it we watched you streamed it yeah if you streamed like netflix would you would you i would probably take it off if i shared it with the family i would probably take it off wait i'm so confused it's like i tell my kids don't do nothing that you go don't do nothing in private that you're going to be ashamed if it comes to the light that's good advice that's good advice because it's going to come to light yeah it always that's you man that's what i'm proud of right now [ __ ] about what's that dude twist the twist dude chubby checkers his sex tapes coming out like really what a twist tell me from like this girl's face and peeing on them twist and shout is a different song that's yeah who was the first was it like the film that's it i want a white woman was the first [Laughter] that's why you need those uh the vpn protection right you got to lock into their searches you do you got to shut for those who don't know what it is you've never watched a show this show this show has been insane all right but for those who never thought uh expressvpn it helps you uh block your location uh so not not content but your location here so what it does is it changes your online location so you can control where sites think you're located so no matter what you're watching you could be they think you're in france doing this so they think you're watching you're born in france we've got when you go stream certain services to uh that's why i was asking if you could stream would you hide it because you start stream services certain things show different stuff like if you're on a certain site what they show in canada and what they show here and what they show in so you can hide it and you can watch different stuff from different places you know what i'm saying so that hides all that so that's what expressvpn does choose from 100 different countries that's dope that you can watch whatever because i remember when uh i was overseas and i was watching like it stephen king's it was on netflix over there and then when i came back home to let me finish watching it it's like nah it ain't available here right but if you had expressvpn you could have changed your location to wherever you was and then finish the movie especially if you got like that nba package and they won't let you watch all your homes yeah right bro you plug into that that's the most annoying what's the point of getting the package if i can't watch it every day that's the most annoying thing and it's compatible with all devices phones laptops all that stuff so if you guys want to check it out go to expressvpn.com issues and you get an extra three months of expressvpn for free that is expressvpn s e-x-p-r-e-s-s v p n dot com slash issues three months free three months protect your privacy protect your privacy especially if you're living like the online okay because things get out of control we got any questions with dicks don't say it like that after a sip of water chicks with dicks but they still got tits with the phrase let's say the phrase so that we make sure we say the phrase correctly wasn't that a phrase for a while though gendered males no wait no i don't know no they hold on what is it it would just be well it depends on what they classify they face cisgender males for now yo so i got a question from uh gary cherry but we're sisters gary chair not real i don't know but that's uh pretty catchy gary cherry asks us fellas he's from new york hey cat daddy fellas uh what was one of the craziest distractions that happened during a set or show oh that's easy i got a easy one too yeah we we've had a couple streakers oh yeah yeah what tape in the living color there was a streak so they start out the live audience take everything off jump over the rail and it's like what the hell happened this fast mate all mail yeah wow has never been a favorite yeah you never land off that rail perfect when you naked it's always like that uh terminator fall with your legs slap together oh my god spraying just pain mine was the same like during i wasn't even on stage though the i just got off the headliner was on and i think i might tell the story on here before but the lady started heckling he was like yo you got you gotta be quiet like you know i mean she kept going so he started kind of going in on her and then she started roasting herself so he was like you look like type lady that got uh that's why that's why your kids don't want to be around because you had mentioned kids earlier like that's all you know your kids and they probably got uh they probably don't like you whatever she was like yep and they got all different daddies he was like i don't think you know how this works and she was like nah cause i came to see you anyway i looked your pitch and i thought you was cute but you know what [ __ ] you then then just strips yes it's completely naked yes walks outside and we're just like and i don't want to spend another dollar in here but i was like what were you what was the nudity about i i didn't know what she was proven see but see security acts different when it's a woman because they were on this dude they were like get him yeah a woman they let her take her clothes off she walked outside stripped some more and then i was just like she said she you know she was a whole she said all these about herself she was just like oh god wow that's drugs my um [Laughter] my craziest distraction ever happened was i did comic view in 2000 2003 and one of the cameras stopped working and they told me how to redo the set in front of the crowd but it wasn't the whole i i was performing for like like five minutes like cut cut cut i was like it's like camera c isn't working so uh we're gonna have to start from start from the beginning again did they tell them to fake laugh i mean your confidence is kind of you have your set that you're like this is going to be the one you got to reach that whole thriller did you have to redo the dance oh you talking about that yes i had to redo it then i did a now you know what you know back in the day when you had to have like a big intro to kind of say i do stuff hey women over there because you posted that recently right and i was like this [ __ ] is wild and i had to do it you know your confidence like you got a retailer you got to do the whole like yo yeah have you ever seen it this is the same audience we just saw it it's not even a different show time it's like oh we're gonna double up the magic is gone gone and you can see people like doing this i had a comic telling me and this is the funniest probably the funniest heck i've ever heard he said he came out and was bombing and got booed it was like boo and the host came up he's like nah nah nah we're not gonna do that we're gonna give him another chance blah blah blah so he said he he came out he's like man i apologize came out again and they gave him another shot he said the crowd was given and he was bombing again and somebody said and boo again [ __ ] and then the whole crowd started again just walked off the double he said it was so funny you know after but he was like during i was just like oh yeah shout out to this he didn't boo actually he said boo again he's still talking about that night i told his comedian the crowd lit up chad you got one i think i've seen a fight happen in the middle when i was on stage before um [ __ ] i've seen fights happen when i've been off stage fights on the count of [ __ ] it was at the live factory wasn't there a fight uh oh i don't want to say that were you there that night uh they fought yeah and i was going up this is at the improv were you there with keenan keenan was there wait wait when uh who was it though the dj and the dj and somebody in the audience i remember uh red grant was about to [ __ ] some dude that's when i was like oh red's a serious cat yeah i was like business business oh yeah yeah you were there for that that's what i didn't want to say oh wow yeah i wasn't going to say the full names but i don't know because we know his name you were there i heard about that legend i was there when dove shot who just passed away right he was i was at the uh i think what was that bowling alley and they used to do an open mic in that bowling alley in like rosita whatever it is that right and um yo i think i'm on stage uh open mic telling jokes blah blah blah all right [ __ ] i was like oh [ __ ] and then mike was like no keep going yeah man yeah anyways it's crazy pollination pollination looks like everything you go back to yourself yeah it was crazy like you you could i haven't had anything happen crazy on set yet we've had some we've had some breakdowns like yeah this i mean there's one dude man he was uh when the lights get on you you know what i mean like people tense up and he was like what's going if i forgot something i'm like no no no no this dude just started hyperventilating like he he had maybe two lines and then i felt bad for him but he was just like yeah and then she and i was like oh whatever he's about to do was hilarious oh yeah i thought he was like in the thing he started turning around and i was like oh he's about to deliver the [ __ ] out of this because he's the second or third take so i'm thinking like oh he's about to give us something dude he's just like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and ben was like it's okay that's why i just take it again and i was like oh what's happening he just started shaking i was like oh [ __ ] oh he's having a nervous breakdown oh boy oh he's having a he's a panic attack panic attack for real then he stood up and he was like sorry about that can we go again and say he went again yeah he nailed it i was rooting for him he nailed it right now he pieced it together then after she was like i'm so sorry i'm professional i'm so sorry they ended up using the panic attack no he did have one i don't know if i can say this on here you know what there's nothing like no you know i can't say because it aired so there was one that lunell came on to do a guest set right guess what and uh her and miss laura are in the scene right he's in the cut so they're drunk blah blah blah they're supposed to pretend that this laura lunell gets on the table no she was like that is something boom hits her head on the table breaks she hit her head on the table and then she's like ow man we laughed so far oh man we laughed so hard and because yeah there was this white girl who was acting and she was like oh my god so you heard the boom boom oh my god bro i played for you guys it was y'all laughing right there at the moment brian loomis did that's what eps we were all trying to hold it fat snacks when eps and directors aren't [ __ ] because somebody was like you think we could use that oh bro that's crazy and she was mad that it aired which i feel like because it wasn't supposed to air like that wait they they fall we don't do the cuts we don't do the fall air the fall air that's why they aired that's why i was like oh yeah i can say it oh wow but we didn't we don't we don't edit the cuts so like so that was no stunt double yo somebody in the back was like that was great because that was like you're not gonna get a funnier take right of that it wasn't did they keep the owl in there too oh yeah it was all involved it was all in there and i remember like uh our first id was like solid oh yeah he was like oh like he was trying to catch him you never know what to do in those days yeah and it was like oh help her up and [ __ ] and then she was like i heard you laughing [ __ ] all right that's great comedians man it was great as she's what were you comedians did you think i thought you were going to talk about something else but what was it he can't say it yeah but when you said breakdown i thought you were it involved weapons and oh boy you know yeah uh for me it was uh i was in san diego at this place called moon doggies headlining and um the stage is like low to the ground so you know we level with the with the audience and i'm up there doing myself probably like 40 minutes in and then you're almost done yeah i was almost finished and then uh you know predominantly white audience and then it was this dude who kept talking like you know throughout my set every now and then but i would chime in when he's in the front and dude was just like man just shut the [ __ ] up bro dude oh you said it and then so the dude that i kept going back and forth like man come on come he tried to come on stage and take my mic he was just talking and i was talking to him he was getting closer and closer and then i was like nah man you can't hold the mic i'll let you say what you got to say but you can't hold the mic you know what i'm saying i was holding it to him and then the dude and the sandals was just like shut the [ __ ] up bro yeah i was looking at his toes wiggling moving on and yeah he was like hey man [ __ ] you bro i was like oh man it's getting uh it's getting edgy in here in san diego and so you know i kept talking and then well then well then what you want to do then they just started going at it right there dude with the sandals was about that action yeah long hair and i was like oh they're getting it oh they fell at my feet just talking and then did you commentate the fight oh yeah i was just like you know and i kept it going and then moses was like all right that's the show guys and he came to my ton he's like you know this is right here man they were getting it in and i was just like you know and i didn't even run i was just like oh they right here i just move my little feet back bring out a gun like oh time to go yeah move doggies why why movies when they ever bring out the guns they always got to walk forward like they'd be like like if i'm going to keenan like key on him like i'm going to shoot you but like where's the look like do you have a gun you can stay there you don't have to walk closer yeah where's the girl because it's intimidating but i never understand why they they always [ __ ] it later you know dramatic effect and they always shoot people to kneecaps always like and he's like you know like it's a villain he's like where's my daughter at wow shoot him you don't you don't kill like don't shoot them in the chest like this go for the kneecaps was like i need to keep you here to get this information oh yeah you mean why do they kill them before they get there yeah no no no it's always like why is it always the kneecaps no no i would love to shoot people to kneecaps but they never shoot people at all they always be like where's my daughter at where's my daughter anybody huh and you know it's something like i'm like i opened up like wow where's my daughter oh what if you say where's my daughter and they give you the information yeah you just you might not have you're just taking the knees you gotta give him a chance i was gonna tell you but like what if he just knew because he can pass out from the shock of the gun blast right and now he's just standing there like oh this is you don't know what people go through when they get shot people going in shock they only cover blood when they're shot in the ordinary foaming oh that blue what did you shoot him he was like you know what i was gonna but now because of that together some people petty like that i'm not saying you're going to kill me to kill me now and you'll never know somewhere deep you'll never find them [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] shoot him in the kneecap kill him then they killed him you pop and then you hear him the fact that correct saying i'm walking the rug where's my daughter happy birthday she's in the he walked in the wrong house he's shooting he was like what am i doing i got that right here it said 242 minutes just 243. oh [ __ ] about that [Laughter] that's why my wife [Laughter] [Applause] tomorrow i got a friend he said he could run for you i don't know going to show up here in the distance he shot my daughter because right before you was like look if you hear a gunshot just kill it [Laughter] who came to get your daughter out first and he was like i'm gonna work on this case yo this is a kids movie bro man look out this is how this is and this is weird science right here we are going into these territories look out man what are you talking about the time movie time longest movie is now before hours well that's now we're trying to be there but you're trying to like keep up to with the people now look out man this is a good time then you sit through uh zach's name i watched four hours of justice league how was it four hours i don't know why people are very excited it aired no it's in there yeah but it i got like a hbo max sent like an early joint okay here's my thing i'm sorry sorry sorry they make sure you ain't sharing it yeah they had my email popping up through the film i'm like oh damn busted but it was it was it enhanced it but it still wasn't enough okay yeah yeah four hours that means they know you're gonna take a nap somewhere in there yeah they're gonna retell you the story towards the end so my thing with four hour movies and even three hours you like we can sit and binge watch a full season of the show right if something's good enough you will watch it all day long so if a movie was fire for three hours i would stay in there for three years i almost peed on myself at the first batman avengers yeah yeah i almost beat him i was like i'm not getting up i don't want to miss nothing in game i wanted every millisecond so i i'm almost beating myself several times during the comic book movies yeah so something's good enough but if it's you know i asked he was like this didn't he be there we feel hell what we do we've seen stand-up specials that should have been 45 minutes and they did an hour and 15. it was like you didn't need that extra 30. that was trash and the justice league felt like it felt long somebody no i was my question was that because i never liked the first justice of the justice league i thought it was boring and dumb nobody really did so then when they added four hours and zach was like they didn't do my cut blah blah blah blah and i was like i don't think zack snyder's a great director period so i think i think everything looks great that he does i don't think it's a great storyteller so so then when i watch it i go i'm not watching four hours of you to tell a more boring the same story yeah i'm not watching so then i was like what happened in these four hours and these extra two hours that well they they show dark side a lot more and they focus a lot too on flash and cyborg so it's more story not stuff i wanted more story and uh they took out some scenes like remember that scene in the beginning with batman fought that paired demon on the rooftop they took that out i'm glad they did yeah the whole superman mustache that's going that's all josh yeah so they made some changes to it that were about that whole stupid martha what are you saying martha that was batman versus yeah oh yeah yeah the wrong movie i'm still mad about that look out so carried out but so they just added extra storyline to cyborg and his dad alert guys fyi cyborg oh no he didn't say what the story is yeah i'm just saying cyborg is the one i wanted to see him still he's still stiff and his comics he looks too fake cyborg is great in the comic books he's great he's in detroit the newer ones what dc kills it in the comics i hated cyborg until technology caught up to him because back in the day funny comic books it was like man do you remember what computers looked like back in the day and what they did so he could do run and have it run up a screen and that's what i was like computers aren't that interesting but now the technology is so far back like oh so here i realize how powerful cyborg really is now back today initially initially he was like the strong man of the teen titans and so just like but then he's like let's let's scale the strength back and focus on you know but zack's not a slow-mo and this love of slow mo it's just it makes no sense he loves slow mo but he gets to tell more detail in the slow motion but that's nice down his face as it rains he nailed it with 300 in the watchman yeah but also 300 was done those are awesome movies that 300 didn't need a lot of story you know what it was look watchman did watchmen did so i'll give him that because i was going to say watch him but watchman didn't need a lot of story yeah and he did a great job and donald trump too also you needed his darkness he always brings a certain darkness to uh the things he's visually i don't think well maybe i mean i feel like all his movies are dark i feel like once batman hit and it was a darker side of batman and then i mean when christopher nolan did it yeah i feel like everybody did that because everybody wanted an edgy or something you know what i mean we wanted they wanted this serious business and that's the problem with justice league they don't know what tone to use right they'd be like oh you can see them forcing the funny now all right flash say something funny because marvel be funny you want to be a marvel movie yeah so that that is still there flash is corny [Music] and that movie you know is in the same universe but they don't just feel like a whole different yeah because they were really focused on the funny one right that was a kid's movie that's where it got weird is i didn't haven't seen it but lately they're getting uh weird to me because they're trying to make these grown-up movies childlike i'm like no you either go raided or with it and go dark or you stayed light and friendly right i'm kidding i had to do that pulling to the marvel universe i'm curious to know how they gonna merge those together they can merge them into the but his movie's got to stay ready because they already but when he shows up and other stuff it's easy give me pg yeah he could just be pg-13 with the jokes but also in in deadpool's comics he never ever swears yeah it wasn't about the swearing like he never does they always insinuated i only remember the cussing in the deadpool movie i thought it was more so about the violence oh yeah yeah and the the graphics is why i won't let my kids watch it well they definitely cut into movies and i'm sure they did but i don't yeah it doesn't register as and then the nudity yeah it was unnecessary yeah it was very necessary a lot a lot of ryan reynolds ass oh oh the mail nudity okay yeah oh yeah i wish it was the female nudity i know ryan reynolds but what if the dudes had breasts oh okay you can't tell what happens like oh four hours hello ain't how can they find you man uh all platforms uh d-i-o-n-l-a-c-k dion lag that's it that's it all right [Laughter] uh yeah please uh you know support the black uh production company entertainment and he shoots regular movies guys regular sketches regulars we have two locations in los angeles that you can shoot from creative locations uh we have a new york loft style and we have a uh colorful uh for photo shoots and pictures and yeah pay for it with t-mobile money the team of money was definitely the seed money for this organization kids you don't have to sell drugs you got sim cards yeah shout out to twitter yeah uh craig wayne's on all platforms uh bigger out on bt just got renewed for season two right or well we already did yeah so but i just saw something about what they did was season one did so well on bt plus that they put it on bt and then we shot beat as the second season but since they moved it they kind of now that one ran over and now they're going to put two out okay okay hey chris yeah uh yeah and uh we apologize for anybody that we may have offended uh we know we got the terminology wrong we were gonna look it up but uh yeah hey i i always say this guys it's 100 not trying to offend anybody it's all jokes sorry excuse the ignorance you know what i mean speaking they find yeah speaking of the ignorance uh laugh at jazz uh but forget all that watch millennials i watched it did you i watched it did you like it watch it i i will watch the second episode hey man uh my own wife was like oh i didn't like it it's too young for me and then she was like yeah the show's hilarious and she came she came around on the third year cody got a credit on there hey yeah uh i got to hire keon's wife i love to hire uh the homies so um so watch millennials it's on all black network uh i think episode four is airing uh thursday thursday please please watch me pull up more episodes pull up is it keyboards and uh like a black is your streaming network it's from uh amc owns all black okay yeah yeah uh you can find me on at keonpoli on all platforms i just uh keon's all-star teams would have just dropped two days ago uh and also i am now on stupid tick tock hey because you're doing them dancing [ __ ] cause that's what the money resides well they that's what happened they said you know you get paid on there i was like well let me get a tick tock and see how that works and also i just launched my patreon hey this would be two days ago on the patreon you will see uh not this episode obviously but uh behind the scenes of daddy issues of keon's all-stars um me and katie will have uh content on there that we're doing that only gonna be on there exclusive sketches stuff like that uh all that'll be on there so check that out and i made it super cheap because i'm cheap and i didn't feel right charging a lot when i don't like paying attention how much is it three dollars a month go up the front you know okay so the three dollars three five and seven depending on what you want access to get that seven yeah and then yeah that's it that's it man that's two waters seven dollars is easy work you know three dollars easy work that's true oh and my special's on there for free so you can just have the 30 minute special i did well that's just on there that's just on the patreon yep this is always giving out people the freedom okay come on man that freedom what you got uh the bakery eight shirts uh will be on sale until friday tomorrow so uh don't snooze you doing the hoodies though the bakery eight hoodies will be out uh very soon actually this might be the next video not this hoodie but the the bakery i meant to wear the bakery eight shirt but i forgot that's the black and red one right yeah i only know what i had on last week i had the hoodie on for the bakery eights but it's the same design coloring so i'm gonna have to come get that hoodie but the shirts are gonna be on sale until friday for the bakery eights and then the bakery eight hoodie is coming right on top of that so uh pull up skippity pap hoodies also available thank you to everybody that pulled up the tony baker friends it was a success shout out to the jacket you see it the whole jacket you had the coat you got a bakery jacket i had a long coat on oh i had a grown bad coat on man i appreciate that i do remember that peace you roasted my pea coat i wanted to say you said it would look like cat hair that's why that's what i recall it probably didn't didn't have the brown blue it was no i didn't you got to give it to me gloria well i got to see the code again this is the motorcycle with the zippers oh oh you saw my dad code no with the hood he had the hoodie y'all seen denzel and glory when he took that shoe off that's when i had that job when i had to wear stuff but now now i get to wear whatever i want and they did not make you wear those boots but i had to have i had to have a a work boot that was the definitely wasn't worth it though that was a simple stand up that was not working that was my twenty dollars his kids boots that was that cartoon boot they weren't so sick of these cats acting like like when you're when you're poor you just get that you get what you can afford you make it work you can make your work on yeah i went to payless i said yo these works they were less than 20 bucks that's what i got it was for work purposes only it's not like i was out in the club like hey no you was out in the club i wasn't tony always saw the boost next to the door so he was like i seen them on you that wasn't that your hair you might not but everybody came straight he was doing work in the boots man he was showing up the shoots i wouldn't let you do any construction in them can tell you how many pairs of shoes you've ever seen me have ever probably like five times i'm saying because i was so those were like his work boots his basketball game yeah but also it's better to say i'm not a guy because if i had because i was i told you guys about the iris and the stuff i had cuz i'm super cheap and i i it wasn't much cars and he was buying hillary what are you talking about because you were spending on hats you would buy but my hats are 30 teas you can buy my bro my [ __ ] get some decent shoes for 30 bucks let's jump the excuses i'm not i'm not buying them because if you go buy some forces they're what a hundred dollars probably a little bit more you can get ones for cheaper than a hundred dollars yeah it was like seven eight eight hundred where's all your time huh what's all your ties at they're they're at the crowd oh yeah man matching with his inside the size right there and t-shirts he ain't have no button-ups i've never seen you in a button-up but also because i was like like i said i was i was huge on tips i had so many colored different colored timbs but then when i moved to la right i had i literally lived in a van right so it was just like yo you got it did you sell the towns i think i gave them with you they didn't sell they didn't sell off you ain't gonna get no tams under 100 no but but i gave away to some homeless i had a blanket i had this dope ass coat i had a bunch of fly stuff when i moved out here but i was also homeless like please don't throw a blanket on the floor with the [ __ ] well i did i had this blanket all types of flies super dope ninja turtle uh uh fleece blanket it was fire police blanket it was though but anyways my point is is that a five year old was like you just fly you just let go of the stuff you go like do i is this important is this important i go like it became less important fastest but then when he started making money again the shoes didn't come with she was gonna come back he was buying everything but he's already hurt a hummer cash money scooters electric people yeah five vehicles you got a hummer when it was like no longer a thing yeah but it was what is it like four dollars a gallon to fill it one phillip was of shoes for sure don't try to understand that chance but also it's like where you going you're going every somewhere every day in your shoes i'm gonna find them shoes i'm gonna look through all those people in the valley i'm gonna be like the brotherhood of the traveling shoes all right we gotta get out of here you know all right cam is sick of this this we approaching two hours yeah this is too long thank you for sending in the questions i have more questions queued up look out man uh keep asking those questions in the youtube comments section uh with the with the all caps question right at the front so i can find it easy uh thank you guys for tuning in and as usual we out here it is
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Channel: Tony Baker
Views: 42,614
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: daddy issues, daddy, issues, Tony Baker, Craig Wayans, Chaz Rodgers, dc ervin, keon polee, fatherhood, black fathers, black dads, kids, black children, children, raising kids, teenagers, raising teens
Id: 4tfMZGMeEB0
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 113min 2sec (6782 seconds)
Published: Thu Mar 18 2021
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