Female Stalkers, Part 1: Stalking and the Differences Between Female and Male Offenders

hello I'm dr. Tara Palma TA of shrink for men calm if you have question or would like to schedule a session with me you can reach me at ring for men at gmail.com the subject of this video is female stalkers part 1 what is stalking and what's the difference between female and male offenders this is from an article series that I published back in early 2011 ok here we go do you know what stalking is would it surprise you to know that many of your girlfriends wives or exes nuisance dogs that many of your girlfriends wipes or exes nuisance clingy possessive angry threatening internet searching social media texts telephone email and other destructive behaviors technically qualify as stalking and harassment has your ex ever used family court CPS law enforcement civil court and criminal court to stalk and harass you are you aware that stalking and harassment are forms of abuse do you know that stalking and harassment including using social media are crimes for many people the word stalker conjures up the image of an obsessed delusional man lurking in the shadows and peeking through some poor woman's windows but this is only half the story women stalk and harass their male partners and former partners too if you've been involved with a high conflict and or abusive personality disordered woman it's likely that you've been the target of stalking and harassment most male victims don't refer to female stalking behavior as stalking they use words like crazy obsessed psycho ex delusional bitter ex-wife vengeful ex-girlfriend can't let go can't move on and a number of other equally appropriate descriptors nevertheless these men are being stalked and harassed so who engages in stalking behaviors more men or women research shows female offenders engage in stalking and harassment behaviors with as much frequency as male offenders do why don't we hear about it because most domestic violence groups who serve women and media outlets at best grudgingly acknowledged male victims of female perpetrated abuse even worse female perpetrated abuse and stalking behaviors are often portrayed as funny retaliatory righteous self-defense or not as seriously in film and TV shows talk shows etc for example there are several blogs one of them has titled confessions of a facebook stalker where a woman proudly talks about how she stalks her ex on Facebook you can also find countless memes shared on social media around this topic as well making light of women whose stock and harass recent studies find that men and women seem to engage in stalking behaviors equally older studies show that women comprise the majority of victims however these figures are believed to be due to the way the questionnaires and surveys were worded in the older studies it's also attributed to the fact that men are less likely to report a crime when a woman is the purpose traitor because they're afraid of being ridiculed not believed and/or because they don't believe they're in physical danger Mullen at all 2001 find and I quote men who find themselves the victim of a female stalker often confront indifference and skepticism from law enforcement and other helping agencies not infrequently male victims allege that their complaints have been trivialized or dismissed some victims being told that they should be flattered by all the attention victimization studies indicate that women are seldom prosecuted for stalking offences with criminal justice intervention most likely to proceed in those cases involving a male suspect accused of stalking a woman the available evidence suggests that stalking by women has yet to be afforded the same degree of seriousness attached to harassment perpetrated by men this is despite any empirical evidence that women are any less intrusive or persistent in their stocking or pose any less of a threat physical or otherwise to their victims end of quote lange Rickson Rowling at all used the unwanted pursuit behaviors inventory or the UPB eye to determine the prevalence of former entities me former intimate stocking type behaviors in an undergraduate population hmm this study finds no sex differences in overall u PPI scores of individuals who are the dumpees females and males indicate that they engage in stalking behavior to the same degree in their inventory of responses additionally there are no sex differences in the number of unwanted pursuit behaviors experienced by those who initiated the break-up it quotes here from the the study males and females who had instigated the break-up were equally likely to be the victims of unwanted pursuit behaviors by their former intimates which included theft physical harm and being followed interestingly men are found to be the victims of cyber stalking by a former intimate more than their female counterparts mullah Nadal also find that women are more likely to favor electronic stalking than physical stalking that women show the same propensity for threats physical violence and property damage as male offenders are more motivated to establish a love relationship with their victims and are likely to target men and women equally with their stalking behavior and that finding that last finding about targeting women targeting men and women equally is similar to research done into workplace bullying which shows that male workplace bullies tend to primarily target other men while women workplace bullies tend to target men and women indiscriminately okay moving on what is stalking stalking is a combination of harassment behaviors both online and offline that are unwanted by the target and induce fear frustration and/or cause physical and psychological distress wigman conducted a research interview on male victims of former intimate Stocking ie men who are stalked by crazy ex-wives ex-girlfriends ex friends with benefits one-night stands and in some cases women with whom they'd never been intimate she finds and I quote although no definition of stalking is universally accepted most have in common the stipulations that the behaviors or acts must be repeated and unwanted for example the US Department of Justice 2002 stated that is the willful or intentional commission of a series of acts that would cause a reasonable person to fear death or serious bodily injury this definition includes a fear component although other definitions do not and under these circumstances cases are often considered as harassment rather than stalking for example language sin rolling coal area Cohen and rollin identified unwanted pursuit behaviors comprising harassment acts and more severe stalking acts which they defined as activities that constitute ongoing and unwanted pursuit of a romantic relationship between individuals who are not currently involved in a consensual romantic relationship with each other stalking or harassment acts can range from relatively minor behaviors such as leaving unwanted messages or gifts for the victim to more serious actions such as following threatening or assaulting the victim the 2001 british crime survey defines stalking as involving feelings of fear alarm or distress because of two or more events of harassment and incorporates all types of stalking behaviors per cell path and Mullen find that stalking by a former intimate appears to be the most severe with target suffering more varied stalking acts in general for longer durations as well as more threats physical harm and damage to their property and acquaintances stalkers stalking by family friends or colleagues or stalking by strangers now in my experience with my clients their exes primarily stop them through social media a harassment by text message and email or whatsapp by creating fake social media accounts to try to make contact with them sometimes they will a client has successfully blocked by phone email etc their ex sometimes these women will then try to get to them through third parties such as their parents their siblings their friends sometimes even their their place of work there they really have no boundaries and the only way typically to get them to stop is you just have to completely ignore them and give them absolutely no attention or sometimes you have to seek a restraining order of course that's not always effective because if somebody's ignoring your request to leave them the hell alone they're also not likely to abide by a restraining order unless of course there are consequences they fear as a result of violating the restraining order which depending on how functional or how much the ex has to lose may or may not be the case okay who is likely to stock the usual suspects of course personality disordered individuals who are more likely to engage in stalking behaviors include narcissistic borderline histrionic antisocial schizoid and dependent personalities there is also a high correlation with individuals who have substance abuse histories mood disorders sexual dysfunction and schizophrenia having a significant loss within a seven-year period for example a divorce breakup estrangement loss of job death of a child or parent is also common among stalkers according to Mullen both the females and males engaged in stalking because they felt rebuffed wanted to take revenge or thought that stalking would help them get a date seriously some of them some of them don't understand why you don't want to go out with them after they slash your tires blow up your phone hack into your Facebook account and tell all of your friends that you gave them herpes really they just don't understand why you you don't want to go out on a date with them after they do something like that sorry I digress back to my quote but significantly more female stalkers to establish an intimate loving relationship with the person they pursued both male and female subjects had delusional disorders personality disorders disorders excuse me morbid infatuations and so forth male and female stalkers also tended to use similar methods of harassment again except that female stalkers favored electronic methods and male stalkers prefer physical pursuit why is it important to accurately identify these types of behaviors stalking and other forms of harassment are criminal behaviors I repeat they are criminal behaviors even when women do them stalking typically occurs after a breakup although it can also occur at the onset and throughout the course of the relationship for example does your wife hack into your email harass you via text messaging throughout the workday or when you spend time with friends or family yes that's harassment it is a form of harassment if you if it's unwanted and you've asked her to stop it's harassment even if you're still married to her many men view stalking behavior in women as normal female insecurities jealousy and or possessiveness of course most of these men typically have only had relationships with borderlines narcissists and other emotionally unstable women these are not normal behaviors they're abnormal and abusive behaviors and they're indicative of a person who has a lack of boundaries a shaky grasp on reality and sociopathic tendencies yes sociopathic tendencies and by that I mean no empathy for how their victims are feeling and the belief that only their needs feelings and desires matter if you're beginning to date someone and they display stalking and harassment behaviors it is a huge red flag I mean I guess we could say stalking you means she's really into you but that's not the healthy kind of into you that you that you want to see in a potential mate if your wife or girlfriend engages in these behaviors please understand it's a form of abuse and it's wrong if you would consider it wrong for a man to do those things to a woman the same is true if you reverse the genders have you considered taking legal measures to protect yourself and your loved ones from an ex who stalks and harasses you if not why not I've had several clients over the years who were able to get protective orders or non harassment orders they're called different things in different states and provinces not just for themselves and their children but for their families and for their places of employment it is possible and if you are being harassed by those avenues that is something you can do you need to go through the proper channels and usually you have to notify the person who's stalking and harassing you and writing Chik early if it's an ex and you've had a relationship with them that you no longer want to receive you know have any contact with them and that any future engagement will be seen as a form of harassment and then if they continue to do so you document it and you go to court like I said it may or may not be effective but if she ignores it and you have a court that's willing to enforce its own orders she just might end up in jail okay I sorry I was ad-libbing um okay perhaps society will begin to take female criminality more seriously if we begin to prosecute women who engage in these behaviors with as much regularity as we do male offenders perhaps some men aren't physically afraid of their fee mail stalkers but that doesn't make their behavior any less criminal being stalked and/or the target of a harassment campaign can be incredibly stressful irritating not to mention emotionally and psychologically damaging law-abiding citizens and this includes men have a right to the peaceful enjoyment of their lives free from harassment by their former intimates or other love / revenge obsessed former / current intimates so I don't have this in the written part of the article because this happened after I published it a few years back I had a heretofore never experienced a form of stalking for a client I was working with this gentleman was married to a woman who is actually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder so formal diagnosis when he left her she literally tried to kill him I won't say how because that might be identifiable but the police were called they didn't press charges of course because she was just this distraught woman but it it was serious there was no plausible deniability of what her intent was okay so he was able to get an emergency restraining order against her in the the country where he lives it's the first one is good for a year and then you have the opportunity to go back and seek a permanent one which is for a extended period of time longer than a year ex wife I guess went into treatment went on a vacation for several months returned and then appealed the restraining order to the court I wrote letters on his behalf talking about the emotional damage he had experienced and the trauma he's had subsequent to that and the work I was doing with him and she went away again for a while and then about a little over a year later she once again tried to get get the restraining rate because me restraining order thrown out complaining that it was impeding her social life because she couldn't go out and you know be where she might possibly run into him and so this woman has a very unique name and she began posting on the shrink for men Facebook page asking questions such as you know what if the BPD person is truly sorry isn't isn't their former partner obligated to forgive them uh no no your victim is not obligated to forgive you and in fact if you're truly sorry and your former spouse whom you abused says that he or she wants nothing more to do with you if you've truly benefited from your treatment then leave them the F alone okay so looking at this name and I'm like I'm like oh my god is that someone so's exonym screenshotting and sure enough it was his ex using her maiden name also very unique you know not Smith or Johnson a very very unique sounding name and I discussed with him um like well I could just block her but I'm gonna have to write another letter for you and I think submitting photos that she's arguing with your therapist on Facebook about your obligation to forgive her might just reinforce the point that the restraining order needs to be kept in place and long story short the restraining order remains in the fact and the judge told her that if she tried to appeal this again he was going to have her identified as in the states there's a term called the vexatious litigant which means she would need to get the court's permission before she could even file for a hearing to appeal or modify and that she would be responsible for my clients legal fees going forward so yes new stocking experienced a client's BPD ex arguing with me on Facebook thinking I didn't know who she was it was just when you think you've seen about everything you see something new anyway I I think I have four articles and all in the series and I will be posting them over the next couple of weeks so please check back you can find a link to the original written material below the video screen square rectangle whatever it's called again I am dr. Tara PO ma ta of shrink for men comm if you have a question or would like to schedule a session with me you can reach me at drink foreman at gmail.com thank you for watching and have a good day

Channel: Shrink4Men - Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Views: 8,323

Rating: 4.8941178 out of 5

Keywords: Dr Tara Palmatier, Shrink4Men, borderline personality disorder, BPD, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic abuse, abused men, crazy women, adult toddlers, emotional toddlers, adult tantrums, stalking, harassment, domestic violence

Id: 7Q6JZZ48ifk

Length: 23min 24sec (1404 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 24 2019