Are we finally trading mean
girls for sisterhood? Female friendships have
traditionally been depicted onscreen with a rigid hierarchy,
whether it’s the queen bee ruling over her drones
She's the queen bee. The star. Those other two are just
her little workers. , or the heroine protagonist
with her less important sidekick “it feels like I got a love and I know that
it's all mine” “Okay, okay. Wait, wait. So are you going to
see him again?”]. But plenty of stories today
about female friends today are moving beyond “rivalry”
arcs, and toward centering equal, sisterly bonds. “To the first Friday night
in our first London house.” “And to many more Friday nights!”
,Recent representations of friendships between young
women have started to look more
like what we’re used to seeing
in stories about older women – friendships that aren’t disrupted
by women having to strive in a cut-throat social pecking
order or to snap the right job or man, but are instead about
how females can support each other and connect through
shared experiences. “Yeah she might be a dick,
but she’s my dick!”. These portrayals also have more in
common with the male friendships we saw featured in the peak
bromance era of the 2000s, which got to feel more balanced,
flexible and fun “I love you did. I love you Bro Montana” Here’s
our take on how the new generation of female BFFs onscreen are finally dispensing with so
many bad cliches and showcasing how having a true friend makes
everything in life better. Stories of female friendship in
the 2000s and early 2010s were often bound up in stories of rivalry. 2004’s Mean Girls shined a light
on the tactics of female relational aggression
“don’t you think his hair looks sexy pushed back? I knew how this would be
settled in the animal world. But this was girl world”. Even in Bridesmaids, a film that
broke the mold of studio comedies with its predominantly female
cast and central focus on female friendship instead of romance,
the main conflict is the fierce rivalry between
Helen and Annie. Because the female interactions
in so many films are defined by competition, the scripts
sometimes inadvertently wind up representing the romantic arc as the most stable and
grounding force in the women's lives.
“How’d it all work out?”
“Strangely well.” In Bring It On, while the
film is ostensibly about the rivalry and friendships among
the cheerleaders, it’s Cliff and Torrance’s romance that seems to act as the emotional
heart of the movie. Similarly in Pitch Perfect,
it’s Beca and Jesse’s romance that subtly carries us through
– in fact, when she finally gets the girls in the acapella
group to come together and embrace each other to win nationals, they perform a medley built
around Jesse’s favorite song. “When you walk on by”. Films like Carrie, Heathers,
and Mean Girls offered interesting insights through investigating
the ways Queen-bee-led girl groups could be underhanded,
cliquey, and exclusive, reflecting wider societal problems. “Those rules aren’t real” “They
were real that day I wore a vest.” “Because that vest
was disgusting”. But as this framework morphed
into a ubiquitous cliché, it could start to feel that the
primary representation of female relationships onscreen
was this one idea of catty aggression.
In recent years, though,
we’ve seen a shift away
from this rivalry-centered
framework – in a wide array of
examples ranging from Parks
and Recreation to Derry Girls. Refreshingly, stories of group
friendships in high school, college and early adulthood
are moving beyond simply replicating the standard
“mean girl” clique. While high school show
Euphoria may center a group of “It Girls” complete with
the “mean girl” [Maddie] the pretty one [Cassie], the
focus is on how these friends actually love each other –
and when they do have conflicts, it feels tragic for them. The Sex Lives of College Girls,
set in college, also adds more nuance, highlights a kinder,
warmer idea of young female friendship, and subverts our
expectations of cattiness. The character of Leighton is
introduced as the typical posh,
snobby mean girl.“We’re
so happy to meet you!” “I’m sorry who the f*ck are you?”,
but instead of this making her the class Queen Bee, she struggles to connect with
the other girls at first. In fact, her perfectly polished
demeanor gets in the way of social capital – at the Kappa Brunch,
Leighton fails to make friends with her researched approach “You were the senior social chair at
Choate right” “How did you know that?” “There’s only
three Choate Kappas, it’s all on the website.” “Stalker much?”, while
Whitney is embraced because she lets the girls know
the real her. Over the course of the series,
Leighton starts to become more
comfortable with herself,
and ends the season by forming real friendships
through being vulnerable
with the roommates she initially pegged as dorky “Don’t cry, he’s not worth it.”
“It wasn’t a guy, it was a girl. I’m gay.” Meanwhile, fellow roommate Bela’s
arc even more explicitly deconstructs the trope of female
rivalry – at the start of the season, Bela competes with other women for limited spots on the Catullan,
a prestigious comedy publication. But by the end of the season,
she and the other women realize they shouldn’t have to compete
against each other –
if the Catullan forces them to fight, they
don’t want to be at the Catullan. “you were right, that place is awful.” … “we wanted to
start a new comedy thing, with you.” “ladies only” We see this
model likewise in stories about women post-college
in early adulthood. Whereas, starting in 2012,
Girls was still largely about how a group of female friends could be toxic with each other
I have come to realize how exhausting and narcissistic and ultimately boring
this whole dynamic is. from 2016 to 2021, Insecure
centered the friendship ups-and-downs
of four women as they found their
way to a more mature adulthood in their professional and personal
lives – always emphasizing how important and fulfilling nurturing true
friendships is. I am so in love with you. - Bitch I know! Other stories – like Broad City starting
in 2014 and 2019’s Booksmart – have debunked the leader-and-sidekick
cliché through stories about equal two-person friendships
where both take great joy in each other’s presence. And whereas film and TV are
classically full of female relatives fighting, 2022’s Bad Sisters
looks at what real female friendship looks like in a family
context, too. The show’s close-knit central
group of sisters may bicker, but more often they have great times,
and they’ll go to any lengths for each other – even if it means
getting embroiled in a murder plot. “You’re talking about
taking a man’s life. Not a man, that monster.”
We’ve also seen an important move away from the female-rivalry-at-work trope. “When there are two women in the same
workplace,they have to be,
like, mortal enemies. “Look at us. Like,
I love you, I think you're the best.” The idea that two women
can't root for each other at work is just disgusting.” Compare the 2006 movie The
Devil Wears Prada to The Bold Type. In The Devil Wears Prada,
two young women in the fashion-magazine industry are viciously
pitted against each other. “Face it, Andy, you sold your soul the day you put on that
pair of Jimmy Choos. I saw it.” The Bold Type is the exact opposite. It’s set in the same high-pressure
industry, but instead, there’s a focus on teamwork and mutual
support as the women help each other move up through their careers
“Move your ass!” “Excuse me, my friend is having a moment!” “So rude!”
More supportive on-screen
female friendships aren’t totally new, but previously they tended to be confined to stories of
older women.
“My mother used to say:
the older you get, the better you get, unless
you’re a banana.” Whereas younger female characters
are often depicted as being fiercely independent as they focus
on their personal goals, older women get to be more community-oriented. We could already see some of
this sisterly love and maturity in the foursome of Sex and the City
– who were still pretty young, mostly 30-sometings in the original
show but feeling a little more established in life than the
20-something singletons they encounter The only thing worse than being single in
your 30s is being single in your 20s. Yet in this era, the main characters
are still self-motivated, each focused on their own path and
obsessed with their romantic lives. “How is it that four such smart women have nothing to talk
about but boyfriends?” When we revisit them in
And Just Like That in their 50s, even as their lives have
developed in different directions, they’ve learned to rely on their
friends in an even deeper way. Though Samantha has moved on in life,
the remaining ladies’ worries feel bigger and more
existential, but they deal with these bigger questions
that come with age together “Thank you.” “For what?” “For not arguing
with me, trying to make you feel better?” “Me? Argue? I don’t know
what you’re talking about.” Typically, in stories of older
women's friendship, the women
have already had their main romantic
storyline, and so their friendships don’t need to compete with
their romantic arcs. In fact, the friend groups often come
together around a shared experience, typically related to some
fallout from their past romantic relationships: in Waiting To Exhale,
two of the women are divorcees, the other two are long-time
mistresses, and all four are searching for new
partners that value them. “Here’s to peace of mind,
and all the happiness that your heart and hand can hold, cos
Lord knows you deserve it.” In First Wives Club, the women come
together because they have all been
mistreated by their husbands –
and much like in Waiting to Exhale,
they help each other
restore their sense of self-worth so that they can get the comeuppance
they deserve. “You are never going to change.” “I hope not, I hope none of
us ever change, I hope we all stay the same, tired and happy.” Both these movies end with some
of the women pursuing new or rekindled
romantic relationships, but
other times the women in stories like these more explicitly
reject the roles of wife and mother that
society forces them into. In Thelma and Louise, their
time on the run feels like a necessary emancipation from the
trapped lives they were living. “I don’t remember feeling
this awake, know what I mean? Everything looks different.” So rather than return to
their oppressive roles, they decide to drive off
the side of a cliff together. Other female friendships among
older women reject conventional gender roles more subtly, without
anyone driving off a literal cliff. Golden Girls focuses on a group
of women trying to navigate being single at an age where they
thought they were past these anxieties. When Rose begins dating for
the first time since her husband died, she’s understandably nervous
about the prospect of having
sex with someone new. Rather than sitting with these
fears herself, she benefits from sharing them with friends who
are supportive and encouraging, and she gets to move on and have this
new romantic experience… but at the end of the episode, the best part
seems to be going back home to
be with her friends. “It was wonderful. I’m so happy and I have
you two to thank for it.” . More recently, Grace and Frankie –
about a friendship that develops between two former female
rivals after their husbands leave them (for each other) -- highlights the same joys of finding a
true friend later in life. While we may expect that
the guarantee of happiness in old-age is a long-term partnership or
perfect family, stories like Grace and Frankie remind us that a
friend who gets you, offers you fun, and supports you having new experiences can be the most
amazing way to feel truly alive at any age. These stories undo some of
the ways our society fails to prize friendship as an important
value in life. And today, on-screen female friendships of all ages
are drawing from these same lessons to emphasize supportiveness, community, and vulnerability
among friends. Recent representations of
friendships between young women take on an almost romantic tone – they’re
intimate and vulnerable the only way you can be
happy is if you’re yourself”, they’re centered
in the characters’ lives [Insecure, molly & issa],
they’re supportive and loving “You're smart as a whip and
you're cool under pressure.” and maybe most importantly,
they embrace play. “Missed ya” “Missed you too,
I missed you so much.” Play can be crucial in forming who we are as people,
especially when we’re young. We often get to see young
couples finding themselves
through play in romantic montages
or Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in Crazy, Stupid, Love? Or that same
actor pair in La La Land. So many Ryan Gosling options!,
but the female friendship equivalent is typically a
makeover or shopping trip montage that’s more
about the fashion than the friendship
Stranger Things subverts this
trope when Eleven and Max go on a shopping trip – their montage
isn’t about showing off clothing to the camera, but instead about
Eleven finding herself, having fun, and coming out of her shell.. “You’ve never been shopping
before have you?” “No.” “Well I guess we’re gonna
have to try everything.” Through play, Max creates
space for Eleven to figure out and understand the world she’s
living in. Before her friendship with Max,
Eleven’s life is defined by rules and boundaries. But Max does away with all
these rules in one fell swoop,
and we see a new side of
Eleven begin to emerge. “Come on.” “Where are we going?”
“To have some fun. There’s more to life
that stupid boys yknow.” And play isn’t just being treated like romance in stories
about young girls. In We Are Lady Parts, Saira
encourages Amina to embrace her inner rockstar with an almost
romantic-feeling emphasis on play. “Am I really that bad?”
“That bad, you’re that good.” “You gotta own your freakiness
before your freakiness owns you.” Amina starts the series with a single-minded focus on completing
her Ph.D. and finding a husband. But as the series goes on, Saira
pushes Amina out of her comfort
zone and repeatedly reminds her of how
amazing and talented she is, until
Amina admits that she loves being
a part of the band and just wants to play “you know what, I really like it! …
I just want to play.”. Everything I Know About Love
also explores the importance of play in friendship even as you
become an adult. Maggie, Birdy, Nell and
Amara are all entering adulthood together –
but when they lean too
far into the idea of
themselves as adults, it disrupts their
friendship. “We have to grow up and
have our own lives.” “But you don’t want that,
you just want Nathan’s life. It’s when they’re in their more playful moods that their
friendships feel strongest. When Maggie and Birdy are
in playful moments, they have a chance to reflect, and remember why
they became friends in the first place. The show emphasizes this
by cutting between sequences of Birdy and Maggie dancing as adults
and doing the same dances as teenagers “Sometimes I think you remember
more about me than me.” “Course I do, that’s the whole point of being best friends
with someone your whole life.” Instead of being a major
source of negativity or tension in
the story, these female friendships nourish,
motivate, and ground the characters like a romantic story arc
traditionally would. While the rest of the world may
be trying to encourage these women to grow up or change who they are
to better suit a job or a boyfriend, these female friendships get to be about connection, self-love, and play.
The roadmap culture has given for young women coming of
age has historically been pretty narrow. Even as we’ve moved through
waves of feminism, there
has still been a sense
of individualism that’s pervaded – in fact,
sometimes that individualism has been
conflated with feminism. Female success has been
equated with career advancement, romantic success,
and making it on your own “Wish me luck!” “Why?”
“I’m gonna get one of those job things!”
But female friendships screen are shifting away
from that framework. We’re starting to celebrate
the value of the collective over the individual, and to
celebrate community as essential, nourishing, and crucial
to discovering who you are. Jobs and relationships may come and go, but these closer,
sisterly bonds are forever. Now, we’re representing
them with the importance they deserve.
