FBI/CIA Agents, What’s Something That You Can Tell Us Without Killing Us? (r/AskReddit)

fbsire agents have read it what's something that you can tell us without killing us i worked with the australian federal police with the spider squad doing computer stuff for them in regards to pedersen finding trafficking victims it is the most heartbreaking work but when you get them the office looked like nasa after a mars landing i was an analyst not an agent officer 85 of all classified material is classified because of how it was collected not because it is juicy useful yes you boss and co-workers said that about you i heard just two days ago that there is a saying in the government no one ever got fired for classifying a document hence there is huge excess secrecy yours is the most believable comment in this thread my dad worked for gchq in the 80s doing voice recognition and he can't say anything more for a decade more the way they can recognize you by siri google today was being used in the 80s just a bit slower not an fbi or cia officer here but my sister is a district attorney and over the years she has prosecuted a number of animal cruelty cases this lead to her having an ongoing partnership with the fbi for the last several years it turns out the fbi started tracking animal abuse cases about 10-15 years ago due to the incredibly high correlation between abusing animals when you're young and becoming a serial violent offender as an adult we are all told never to use sites like this and social media in general is pretty much a no-go i'm telling you'll kill us all what if you've already heavily used them before applying do you get denied i think it would most people that work in the sector are definitely the private type for a reason tbh it's not what most people think it is the cia's 90 lawyers and the fbi is 90 accountants name checks out i don't know if i'm allowed to say but a mentor who definitely wasn't supposed to tell me used to be a white hat for the fbi apparently all he did was search for pedophiles by tracking child pornography he said he didn't stay for very long because it was messing with his mentality one of the top posts in this thread is about exactly that i guess a lot of rookers are put on that duty and most of them wash out because of the psychological toll my dad worked for the government and he told me that in a time he had a meaningful interaction with someone who wasn't american i.e going over to my friend's house for lunar new year or going on vacation to canada he had to report it all and if he saw anything suspicious yep went through a clearance upgrade and got asked about a couple of people that i know through friends who i didn't include on my paperwork and if i knew their background it's the nature of how they process the contacts you listed they pretty much know that you aren't going to include people who don't like you and will tell your dirt so they go to your old house and knock on doors to find people you didn't list on your eco sf-86 i said 182 that's a training form and one i just had to fill out last week so apparently that number was on my mind the form you fill out with your life history they say do you know derpafox they ask that person questions like would you trust derpifox to hold a position of trust they end with something like do you know anyone else derpy fox was friends with when he she lived here they then repeat the process with that person to find the guy who will say something like dopa fox yeah i know them they smoked so much weed in high school i used to get a contact high sitting next to them in bioclass oh wait you didn't report that drug use on your sf182 clearance denied the dealies if you stole a pack of gum when you were five this is an exaggeration it wouldn't be reportable based on the time frame just report it as soon as they uncover something you didn't report your integrity comes into question and you probably won't get that clearance source went into the marines at age 19 and have worked for the dodd in some capacity ever since 23 years and counting i'm picturing meeting your dad in a bar or something hi here i'm slash thingy from australia watch a drink in there dad pulls out walkie talkie we got a 10-15 i repeat a 10-15 if they have to document every time an aussie drinks they're going to need a lot more manpower if you go through the fbi interview process it takes a while chances are you're going to have to spend some time working on crimes against children which is really tough and most people don't want to do it yeah i heard a story here on reddit about how somebody was involved in a case against a predator and he had to go through every image on his hard drive to flag anything that was child porn that case drove him out of the industry i can't even imagine i read an article once about how the government has people whose job it is to look at disturbing videos images from the internet and seized hard drives mainly child porn but also things like executions to find clues to the location identity of the people involved etc it's an important job but the burnout rate is astronomical a lot of them end up with ptsd addiction issues and other problems i worked for the largest web hosting company on a planet at the time and we had a guy whose job it was to answer these kinds of requests go into databases for our customers and give child porn information to the fbi to kirkoff investigations he had the hardest job i have ever known i used to work for a cdn and part of my job was taking in reports of cp verifying it and forwarding it onto our fbi contacts i lasted six no and only because my wife and child would have starved otherwise that was over a decade ago still has me fed up there are some fed up people in this world and they do some pretty fed up things in my colleges i installed cable for comcast saw some shtai things in people's homes called cps more than a couple times my high school girlfriend worked for the national reconnaissance office after college at the time they were responsible for analyzing the nation's spy satellite photos she told me two things there's a special garbage chute for classified materials it's in the hallway when you are new as a hazing ritual they tell you you have to shout your badge number down the chute before throwing in any materials this is hilarious she wouldn't tell me anything about the resolution quality of the spy photos of course but she did let it slip that because russian sailors will sunbathe nude on the decks of their submarines in the black sea several women in the office would pin those photos up in their cubicles as cheesecake beefcake photos so a few decades ago us spy photos could resolve russian penis did they crunch the numbers to better understand size of the russian [ __ ] the min max and potential for growth no but during the 80s we shipped condoms to russia that were large sized but labeled medium to f with them mr president we must not allow a cockshaft gap if a 6d zero sr-71 could read a golf ball while hauling a at 80 000 feet i believe a satellite can take sexes of a russian seaman yeah you'd like to know what accounts belong to fbsir agents wouldn't you yes you are under our watch list buckaroo s of course pls don't assassinate me an ex-company man once told me gets mart was more accurate than james bond pretty sure being a famous spy is a sign things aren't going well i watched th daniel craig bond films recently and that's what stood out to me just how many people especially terrorists newborn by name and appearance doesn't speak well for the zero zero program i saw a post the other day can't remember if it was here or on twitter about how waffles by bond actually is when you think about it falls for damn near every honeypot tells people his code name constantly james bond is a distraction while others do the real sabotage spin work in the background brian bendis creator of miles more alice author of house of m etc has a story about doing a talker gbci at langley and being told to wait in a break room not allowed to have his laptop phone his own notebook or pen but was supplied with a notebook when he walked and that would be reviewed when he left a young analyst walks in for coffee sees him sitting there recognized him as famous comic book author brian michael bendis and starts to react like a fan he then pauses starts sweating and quietly asks benders if this is a test of some kind worked with a woman who was former nsa we would always beg her to tell us but she never did the one thing she did say though was that during training they show them a video of a bunch of things they found out about and stopped she said she hardly slept for two weeks after watching that i have a relative that retired from the nsa a few years ago she has talked about a few things in generalities nothing specific among them you will see things that entirely change your view of the world people go in there all the time with lofty goals of changing things and within months those goals are mostly gone still if you want to change things you work for the agency if you just want to make money you work for a contractor no one cares what contractors have to say most people that stare long enough will do it to encounter terrorism many people transfer out after a few months and the average stay is two years because of the visuals those who stick around for a long time often change for the worse and many struggle with mental illnesses become alcoholics get divorced and generally lead miserable lives with their work their only reason for continuing alcoholism in general is rife in the agency when you cannot speak to anyone outside the agency about your work it becomes nearly impossible to confide in anyone close to you even if you have close work friends or family you have to be careful what you say because not everyone is reading to every program two people can sit next to each other in the same office working on the same subject for months and never talk about it with each other even though they're close friends outside the agency so people turned to the bottle her husband worked for a different government agency and also had a top secret sea clearance but she couldn't talk about her work with him nor could he with her but his didn't involve the intelligence community the agency employs psychiatrists who are cleared to be read into almost any program going to them though is often seen as a mark of shame among other agency employees so they are not used nearly as often as they should be she told me most of these things while trying to recruit me she believed that i should go in knowing what to expect i eventually declined to apply that is really a shame that the stigma is still there for psychological help are we still too proud to acknowledge that seeing the kind of shadow has a serious toll on their mental health show them a video of a bunch of things they found out about found out about them the recruits or like general things the nsa found out as part of their work probably examples of what they prevented etc showing that while much of the work is thankless and boring it's worth it when you finally catch some [ __ ] with plutonium or something metanold retired cia spook out a wedding reception spitting image of cole sanders he was amazing so i asked him i don't want you to tell me anything you can't but i'd love to know when kennedy got killed what was the talk around the water cooler in the office he didn't halt or pause to think al we all thought johnson did it johnson really did want to be president there is a book called moscow rules it was written by two cia people all about well disguise the cia had all these agents in russia but the russians were insane about following literally every single american in russia 24 stroke 7 looking for spies so a huge part of their job was trying to shake off the kgb they had crazy quick change disguises all sorts of stuff the movie argo was based on one of the writers somewhat i negotiated huge deals with the russian government i was tailed 24 stroke 7 one time i didn't like the room the hotel gave me i knew it faced the noisy side bc i stayed there all the time and instead of just giving me a new room it was a 90 minute wait while they bugged a new room for me twice i had bizarro run-ins with very pushy very hot women who allegedly wanted to f me so bad even i was straight hot and rusher is a mix between a bratz doll and a hooker so no thanks same in china you only go with blank phones and every now and then your phone will do this little glitch as if it's being accessed two family stories even though this will probably get buried one my father's uncle told everyone for his entire life that he worked at a button factory it was only revealed after his death that he in fact worked at a missile factory and assembled the gyroscopes for the guidance and missiles two we always knew my grandfather worked for the government at the pentagon we never knew exactly what he did but every six months or so he would call up to talk to my mom the conversation was pretty much always the same my mom and grandfather would catch up for a few then the it would turn into so i have another clearance upgrade coming up you will probably get a call like always just wanted to give you a heads up sure then she a week later some government agency would call up it was always a different one and ask for my mom they would ask a bunch of questions and that would be that when he died from alzheimer's at his funeral four men in black suits attended and no one knew who they were after the burial they approached his widow and handed her a plaque with 17 government agency symbols on it turns out he was responsible for inter-agency cooperation and training he basically got everyone to talk to and teach each other now his son works for them doing what we don't know and don't ask button factory that's a hilariously awesome cover operation iv bells was a plan to tap soviet communication lines the cover story they used was that they had divers diving down to recover fragments of a new soviet supersonic and he ship missile the communication line tap was a failure due to a spy however the dive teams successfully recovered all fragments of the missiles from the soviet weapons tests the us was able to reverse engineer one and subsequently learned they were radar guided only and the assumed ir guidance did not exist minor clarification the tap was successful and recordings were recovered by dive teams over many months the tap was ultimately discovered by the soviets because of information provided to them by ronald pelton the spy you mentioned i once rented out my old farmhouse stir family they paid their rent every month and other than no t mowing the lawn to save their life i didn't think anything bad about them that all changed when the d called me to inform me that my renter had been murdered in mexico and was asking my permission to search the property well it turns out i had unknowingly rented my house to the mexican mob and they were using it a safe house it all fell apart for them when two of them got caught with a duffel bag full of meth my renter had to go back to mexico to visit his mother and was promptly murdered let's just say i no longer am a landlord and never will be again you didn't bother to ask if he worked for a mexican cartel geez dude he had a strict don't ask cartel policy i'm not one but my friend is she went off the grid after she graduated college got recruited by the sire she told us she was interested and majored in political science i hope she's doing well i'm still here old friend i just watch you guys from a satellite telescope like what you did with the hair so how do the lasers get up there my great uncle told us late in his life that he didn't work for ge as an engineer his whole career he actually worked for the cia and that's all he would say also sounds like a top-tier uncle-style trolling maneuver lol if i make it to an old age and have young nieces nephews i'm totally telling only one of them that i work for the cia 95 of individuals can be uniquely identified using as few as four spatiotemporal points want to work for them prepare to do a fair amount of paperwork the form will ask for each of your employer contact information contact information of friends your history of addresses etc they will then send an agent to interview a number of these people next you have to take a psychological exam and interviewed by a psychologist finally you'll have one last interview with a polygraph and a professional lie detector i talked with some cia recruiters towards the end of college and almost applied earnestly after a large group queue and then a much smaller one the thing that stuck out to me was that the guys said most cia agents are out of shape and have limited combat training with guns or hand to hand they made it clear that it's the military that uses force if confronted they were trained to immediately surrender or to drop their bags and run if possible fun fact that the i stands for intelligence not incredibly dead lipperson what about incredibly deadly experiments on the use population my sister is an intelligence officer who was assigned to special forces free on board in afghanistan for a period she had to go through a gun qualification course and failed this meant that she was not allowed to carry a firearm while deployed the instructor told her she was one of a very select group so bad at shooting that they could not pass and then jokingly gave her a knife to carry she spent the deployment doing whatever she does some sort of analysis and then hanging out around the gym so she could watch both special forces guys lift i'm not sure why this would be surprising from my contact with the sciafbi recruiters the job is mostly ho-hum you still get to do cool stuff but it's also still a 9-5 job basically it's more office space and less james bond what they don't show in the bond move is is all the paperwork he has to do when he gets back to his office nice try vladimir am i on the list a harmless question you can foia your fbi dossier to find out though that definitely puts you on another list considering that foia request would be the most interesting thing i've done such an agency would care about i'll be okay it would be comforting knowing that the world is so safe that they have to harass someone who has never done anything more illegal than smoke pot or driving 75 in a 70. this could have benefited from a serious attack you thought the true guys would have replied if it had the serious attack they had to it's the law not either of these but i've had a clearance so i can weigh in a little two things firstly most secrets happens right in front of people's faces under the guise of being normal everyday stuff secondly properly secret programs and operations are never named in any way that indicates what they actually are about they are generally just two words chosen at random and that would rarely come up in normal conversation stuff like cracked gorilla which i just made up off the top of my head so when people talk about classified stuff and its name is super topical it's either very very old or a nickname at best only public programs and operations have topical names as a pr motive like desert storm don't tell anyone but we spy on people sometimes i have a few friends that are cia officers first thing is that the people that work for the cia are not cia agents they are officers the people they recruit to spy for them are agents also going on a tangent i am 90 sure i have been one of those agents when i was dealing with a mexican logistics company while working at general motors the logistics company we were dealing with was owned by a multi-billion dollar mexican clan and all the ultra wealthy clans in mexico all have ties to various cartels so some federal agencies got involved mainly fbi and i believe a few d but one guy was specifically not wearing any badges was not willing to identify what agency he was working for and questioned me on a lot of specific details of what the company's capabilities were though getting back on track anyone who is a us citizen can apply to join the cia it isn't that hard if you have any kind of degree in computer science statistics engineering or accounting and don't have anything that would f up you getting a clearance getting a job would be relatively easy there and as implied with that previous comment working at the cia is far more boring than you would think lots of tracing manufacturing capabilities from what i described with that mexican logistics company to finding out how china sources the components they used to manufacture their satellites related i was in the sauna at my gym when this naked old man with extremely long testicles started talking to me somehow the conversation ended up on the topic of my new roommate who happened to be saudi arabian he then proceeded to tell me he worked for the fbi and knew exactly who i was and asked if i would like to make some money every now and then for giving him information i said sure not because my roommate was sketchy but because he got drunk one day and pissed on my couch this was 10 or so years ago and i never really heard from him but i think my phone was tapped for a short span of time upvote for long testicles i honestly stopped reading after that because i couldn't stop picturing them my dad always told me about how he went to school with one of the members of the saudi royal family apparently a couple of dudes played a prank on him which ended up with him being publicly humiliated saudi especially saudi men are extremely proud i guess he took it really bad he ended up having to leave the country in a ways long story short a few years down the road the two pranksters both died in freak accidents one was allegedly killed during an attempted mugging the other was found dead in the bottom of his pool both happened within the span of a couple weeks part of the pride has to do with the culture many eastern cultures have an on a shame system many western cultures have a guilt innocence system so for an american the bad part about something like getting a speeding ticket is that you broke the law and got punished for it you'd feel guilty for an easterner the bad part about a ticket is that you brought dishonor on your family by being a subpar citizen you'd feel ashamed i don't think it's an inferior culture or that their version of pride is the same as western pride i'm oversimplifying it here i grew up in one western culture and one eastern one for parts of my life so if anyone is more familiar with these concepts feel free to correct me or give better examples anyway that public humiliation was a huge offense to the saudi man's honor not in the way that american men have their pride hurt in a deeper more complete way this guy might also have been stuck up in general but his culture of honor likely made a big difference in the way the humiliation was perceived all that said death was nowhere close to an equal act of retaliation it was not justifiable by any measure we have full access to google's ad network if we really want to track someone we use that not a federal agent but like c monday there's literally an appy in the source code for it and you think it's not being used the plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets their true purpose is sinister i only know this word and what it means because of a phineas ferb episode you can buy marshmallows at your local supermarket secret you should know removing tag on pillow will get you tortured this is the most disappointing comment section on reddit [Music] you

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Id: ZlWkJoQMHx4

Length: 24min 50sec (1490 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 13 2021