PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC TINKLY MUSIC My diagnosis is depression
with psychosis. That means I have delusional
thoughts sometimes and hear
voices in my head. And that's sort of meant that
I've not lived in the world. TINKLY MUSIC CONTINUES I was frightened of people and
their reactions to me, and... I was very much at home... in my own room, in my
own space, in my own mind. And that's... that's
really debilitating. Mm. TINKLY MUSIC CONTINUES It means that a lot of the time,
I'm... I'm quite paranoid of,... um, things that may or may not
be going on in the community. It's very distracting. It's very
distracting. I'm getting it now. TINKLY MUSIC CONTINUES The voices are telling me things
that may or may not be happening
about, you know, this interview. And it's not very helpful. Not very pleasant stuff triggers
into, sort of, the paranoia and... and what have you. Director: Do you wanna have a break
and put things into perspective?
James: I might have a smoke, yeah. Mm. TINKLY MUSIC FADES VOICES WHISPER INDISTINCTLY WHISPERS ECHO James: Sometimes you can't
separate reality from... the delusion,... and that's when it is at it's peak. For example, with the, um,... camera crew, was thinking
that they're getting footage on me
for some purpose to use against me. Um, and the questions are
going around in my head, and voices are saying they're trying
to hurt you and trying to confuse
you. DISORIENTATING MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUES The voices, I think, see themselves
as being protectors of me, but actually,
they stop me from doing things. MUSIC CONTINUES MELANCHOLY MUSIC This exhibition's, sort of, a
culmination of the last five
or six years of my work. It's a bit of a retrospective.
It really follows the journey that
I've taken emotionally, mentally, intellectually as an artist
and as a human being. I guess you could
split the works in two. There's a lot of emotion in the
earlier works, a lot of anger and
a lot of, um, emotional turmoil. The works I've done more
recently are more contemplative,... aimed at thought-provoking
rather than yelling at people. I've got works in here
that actually yell at you. Yeah, this is a painting that was
done in 2010. It's done with house
paint and, um... as a base, and then spray paint
is for the dialogue. Um, it came to me when I saw
something on the news about
people, Greenpeace people, throwing themselves at Japanese
whaling ships and risking life
and limb. And I thought, 'Why doesn't
anybody risk life and limb for me?' MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES I started painting while I was in
the Auckland Mental Health Unit, as a way of trying to
get myself out of my head. I found it helped to try and
mitigate against the depression
I was in, the voices that I was hearing. All around me were black dogs,
sitting on the bed, sitting on
the floor, lying on the cupboard. And the dogs were talking to me, so
it was an audiovisual hallucination. And that was even more frightening.
And I was tired and hungry
and emotionally fraught and going through this depression
and this psychosis, and I didn't
know what was happening. So I painted that. I had to get that out of me. Once I got out of hospital, it's
like being plonked back in the ocean
or being thrown off a ship. You know, when you're in hospital,
everything's done for you — your
food, your meds and all of that — but once you get out of there,
you're left to your own devices
again. And so I came to Toi Ora, and my art came alive. It's probably the most effective
therapeutic tool I have in my
arsenal now. BIRDS CHIRP Born in '75, I was taken off my...
birth parents and made a ward of
the state,... was fostered until I was 8,... and then adopted into an English
family who'd emigrated from the UK. My birth parents were both drug
addicts, and they both spent
times in and out of jail,... so probably couldn't look after
me as well as they should've. CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC I was 7 when I first heard voices
and again when I was about 11,... after an abuse, situation of abuse. And that holds really bad memories
for me and gives me nightmares,... and often I relive it... as part of a PTSD. CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC CONTINUES BIRDS CHIRP Today I'm getting my injection.
After that I have my psychology
appointment. Then after that I start my new job. Morning, James. How'd you get here today?
Uh, I got a lift. Most people just get up, have
breakfast, have a shower, and
then go to work, and I've gotta do all this other
stuff to start me off on the day. BIRDS CHIRP The injection is, um, of olanzapine. That'll be or that helps reduce the
level of intensity of the voices I
hear. Well, olanzapine is the
antipsychotic — um,
intramuscular, um,... form of the oral drug olanzapine. And it's, um...
it is primarily for,... um, uh, thought stabilisation,
if you like. It's an antipsychotic. Without it, as James states, the
voices can overwhelm him. So can
paranoia. So those two things together can
actually lead James to become quite
psychotic, um, or very disturbed, and he then stops sleeping. Um,
and then with lack of sleep and
overwhelming thought processes, it's not very long before someone
actually starts, uh, collapsing. All right, James.
It's time for the actual injection. Really, the kudos goes to James on
the fact that he's opting to take
this injection. A lot of clients would never,
ever opt to have an injection.
Most people want off it. It's cleared away some space in my
head to focus on other things, more
positive things. It means I can look to start the
day and... and go forward, yeah. Director: Awesome. And what is
today bringing for you? Well, I start my new job today,
and, uh, so that's pretty exciting.
That's the main focus. James, how are you feeling?
Yeah, good. Good. All right. Let's
go grab a coffee. Done.
- Yep. Thanks. I haven't been good at meeting the
world on the world's terms. I've
sort of hidden away from it. So to... So to do this and get my
medication done and, you know, have
breakfast and those sorts of things, just doing what normal people do,
and I guess I'm getting a bit more
normal. SLOW MUSIC This'll be my first... proper job in... 10 years. BIRDS CHIRP When I think, 'Where's that 10
years gone?' It's gone into me
being really sick, but I'm really excited about
taking... taking the plunge. DOORBELL RINGS SLOW MUSIC James. How's it going?
Hi. Good, thanks.
Come in. So, I'll just read through
a little bit of the job description. So I guess it's kind of like to fill
in the gaps of the organisation and,
kind of, the strength that you bring to
the organisation and how we,
like, complement each other. - Yeah.
- Um, so it's the community
and media engagement manager. Um, so focusing on our relationships
with our stakeholders, particularly,
like, the community that we serve, um, and 'cause of your experience with
media and producing, and production
and media stuff and radio shows, I thought it'd be cool
to, like, grow that.
- Yeah. Um, so but also, kind of, there's a
bit of comms aspect to that as well, um, so you'll probably work closely
with me in terms of, like,
communication. That's it so far. What's that one? This is the relapse-prevention
plan that I came up with
with my psychologist. Really?
For you guys to have a copy of it. Oh wow. Is this what
you guys work on?
Mm. Yeah. Part of our core business is to run
forums for the community and for
people, um, using health services. And we just, kind of, come up
with different topics that, um, are big issues in the community that
affect people, especially vulnerable
people. Um, and we, kind of, yeah, raise
these issues and discuss them and
talk about solutions that we can... we can come up with as a
community to support each other. We're all about people
who have lived experience, so having someone like James, who's,
like, kind of, has a really intense
past and brings all that knowledge. It's basically about strategies to
keep me well, like taking medication
consistently, attend my appointments and therapy
regularly, taking insulin and
things like that. The stigma that mental-health labels have on people,... um, and the way the general
community look at... looks at
a person with mental illness — sometimes is frightening, sometimes
is dangerous, sometimes is
unintelligible — uh, those are, sort of, some of the,
um, ideas that come through the
media. And we really want to counter that,
to prove that people with lived
experience are full people, uh, and are dynamic in their
own right, rather than being doped up,
drugged-up mad people. We need that, like, really really
badly. So I think, yeah, James is,
like, well suited to the role. PHONE RINGS OK. Thanks. Bye. So, that was, um, Breakfast
show, um, tomorrow morning, asking if we wanted to go on to talk
about the balance between, like, people's individual freedoms and
rights. 'Cause we can't lock people
up forever or keep them, yeah, segregated forever, but then
also, like, how do we keep people
safe? That would be at, like,
at 7am in the morning.
- I know. Are you going in? I was gonna— I'll come with you,
and then do you wanna, like,
be the spokesperson for it? - Yeah.
- I'll just be the support person. Do you wanna maybe meet here really
early and I take us in, or...?
- Yeah. - Will that work?
- Yeah, that works.
- OK. James is well-suited to the role. Always nervous, anxious. CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC I'm a seething pile of... massive worms inside. MUSIC CONTINUES With mental health particularly,
it's always of balancing patient liberties with safety of the
person and family and the public. So it's a constant challenge. We've got a saying in mental health
at the moment — instead of asking
people who use services, 'What's wrong with you,' we have
to start asking, 'What happened
to you,' to understand, like, what brought you to this point in
your life where you're in crisis? Instead of being, like, oh, this is
just, you know, something... you're
just like this, sorry about it, let's try to fix you; it's, like,
well, actually, you're a...
yeah, a person. CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC CONTINUES Although the public demands
the standardised uniform care
of excellence across the country, you've gotta be aware that not one
size doesn't always fit all when it
comes to mental-health care. When it does go wrong,
it goes spectacularly wrong. That's what the media likes to pick
up on, and that's what they're
commenting on a lot. Intercom: Hi, security
- Hey. I'm here for
the Breakfast show. - OK. Uh, what's your name?
- Uh, Kieran.
- I'll let you in. No worries, mate. Thank you. I'd organised with James to meet him
at, um, 6am at the office so we can
get ready, um, together and go together,
but... (CHUCKLES) he didn't turn up. Could be medication side effects.
That's really common. CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC CONTINUES (CHUCKLES) I just got a message from
James — 'Sorry. Alarm didn't go
off.' (CHUCKLES) So that wasn't as
dramatic as I thought it would
be; he just slept in. (CHUCKLES) Oh well. From Changing Minds, a non-profit
organisation focusing on mental
health, we're joined this morning by
Kieran Moorhead. Good morning
to you, Kieran. Good morning.
The statistics I've been looking at, there is a spike in the number of
people seeking or requiring mental
health services. Yeah, so, um, demand for mental
health services has gone up 21%
over five years. Um, and the funding of mental-health
services hasn't kept up with that
demand at all. Just, yeah, there's always
gonna be not enough, really, but it's a matter of how we can,
kind of, use the funding that we
have better. Uh, I think that's kind of the focus
of the government at the moment. CONTEMPLATIVE PIANO MUSIC I missed the Breakfast show today.
I had my injection yesterday —
that always wrings me out. Um, and I didn't sleep very well,
which means I slept through my
alarm, basically, is what happened. Still no excuse. (CHUCKLES) And I'm really sorry. If I had have made it, we would have
been talking about patient rights
and how being in hospital impinges on those rights, the rights to move
around and stuff and the freedom of
association and things like that. People think that, um, when you're
in a psychiatric ward, you're
locked up for being mad, whereas there are a whole bunch of
reasons why someone is in a mental
health unit. And, um, there are a whole bunch
of reasons why people's freedoms
to come and go as they please, you know, should be protected. CONTEMPLATIVE PIANO
MUSIC CONTINUES And this is my partner, Louise,
bringing us nice cups of tea.
Hello. (CHUCKLES) Here. This is our best bone china. Thank you. (SLURPS) We met at Toi Ora,... and Louise immediately
fell in love with me. I took my time. I didn't wanna be an easy catch. We've got our art in common. I think we have the same
sense of social justice. He has a sense of flair... in the way he presents
himself to the world. He's not bad on the eye. (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES) I feel like he is very capable
of doing this job that he's
been offered, and very proud of him, that
he's been offered this position. It shows, you know, obviously, how much other people
think of James and the confidence
they have in him and that I have in him. And I think
he's really really capable. And I
think he will succeed. Thank you.
Mm. Mm.
That's really nice. Yeah, I get a lot of support from
Louise, which is one of the reasons,
I think, I've stayed out of hospital
for the last two years is because
of the support she's provided me. You know, she's a little tower of
strength. I really appreciate that
about you. BIRDS CHIRP This is Kingseat, the old hospital
for, uh, people who suffered
mental illness. I just live a couple
of steps, uh,... over to the back of the, uh... the property, where I've been
for about 18 months now. It is an
unnerving sort of spot. When you drive in at night and
you drive up the long driveway, and you see the big main building
at the end of it, it's quite
intimidating. And I can imagine people who were coming here back in
the day would have been terrified of
what the place holds. To be locked away is the key thing,
to lose your freedom so you can't
go anywhere. And I guess this is why the place
was so isolated, to keep you here. And when they talk about people
leaving, they talked about them
escaping. Whereas this was a place supposedly
for healing, and you've gotta wonder
how much healing went on with the, sort of, Draconian mechanisms that
were used to keep people here.
You've gotta wonder. My first hospital experience was in
Wellington, at the Wellington unit. Um, I was studying journalism at the
time, and I had a massive breakdown, where I tried to commit suicide by
taking an overdose. My relationship
had broken up, and things weren't going well at
work. I was put in hospital as a
result of that. And it was the first time I'd come
into contact with people who were
very unwell, so that was quite scary. POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC I think being homeless was the worst
for mental health and... and health. I guess I chose to
be homeless for... for reasons that aren't
that clear, really. It was just that I slept out on the
street a couple of times, and then
it became a habit. And it was something
that I did full-time. A lot of people who are homeless do
have mental-health needs and are
... in and out of the system. I don't know if my trousers
can do it now, but... POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES So, this is where
I lived for a while,... back in 1999, 2000. MUSIC CONTINUES I lived here for about three or four
months. It's right next door to Mt
Eden Prison, um, and the train. So, I went to sleep up there, just on the edge. So, yeah, I tucked
myself up right at the back of
the... the, um, bridge there. I kept my head down. I didn't wanna
know anybody, so I didn't converse
with anybody, didn't talk to anybody. You never
sleep well, actually, when you're
homeless, 'cause it's too cold or
too hot or too exposed. And you're frightened people are
gonna come up and beat you up. I thought about how shit life was.
That's what I thought about when
I was up here. Oh, the voices would
talk about passers-by, and that everybody else's life is
going really great and my life isn't
what it should be. POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC CONTINUES The first time things started to
change for me was I went to the,
um, Pakuranga Library. And I'd seen these
pamphlets for AA,... and I,... um, picked one of them up and... looked through the list of 13
things that make you an alcoholic, and I think I was 12 of them
and a bit iffy on the 13th. So I decided — there was nothing
else to do that evening — I decided
to go to an AA meeting. And that's where the start of
coming back, I guess, happened. MAJESTIC MUSIC So, we'll have the catering from
there. We'll set up a couple of
tables. - OK. And just afternoon tea?
- Just afternoon tea, yeah.
- OK. Yep. One of the first jobs that I have,
uh, in starting Changing Minds is the role of organising the
forums and panel discussions
for the organisation. That's where we get members of
the community to come to a talk, where we discuss issues facing
mental health and people with
lived experience of mental health. MAJESTIC MUSIC CONTINUES I'm in a much better position than I
was. I do have a place to call home. I do have supports around me —
clinical supports and the supports
of friends, and my work is a support to me now. MAJESTIC MUSIC CONTINUES MUSIC CONTINUES Director: How many people are we expecting?
James: Well, 30... 30 people have RSVP'd. Um,... and there may be
more — I don't know. I'm sorry it hasn't printed out very
well. Our printer's on the blink. - Hi.
- Hello. - How are you?
- Good, thank you. And you?
- Good. Yeah, pretty good, thanks. - Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi, ya big spunk. - I'll pass you over to James.
- Thank you. And welcome to
our first forum for the year. Um, Changing Minds is very proud to
have presented to you our experts in
housing and housing-related issues. I'd like to start with
Edit Horthvat... Hor... Horvath.
Horvath, um, from CHAMP. Tell us a little bit about CHAMP. It's gratifying being
here and doing it, and I've got opportunities and
chances to do things I would
have missed on otherwise. So, you know, I'm grateful for that. It feels somewhat bittersweet,
standing here today and welcoming
James into his new role as community and media manager at Changing Minds. I would like to acknowledge and
thank James' partner, Louise,
for her support of James. After reviewing our strategic
direction, it became increasingly
clear that we had an amazing, but underutilised resource, James.
LAUGHTER It goes without saying that, um, there's no one better to be part
of the operational team here at
Changing Minds, to help lead those brave
conversations about mental health
and addictions in Aotearoa. Take him across, and the whanau
will pick you up on the other side. It's monumental, really. It's been
10 years since I had full-time work. With my partner supporting me, I
haven't been in hospital for two
years now, so it's a big deal to...
to move into this. To all the people who've come to
support Taimi and myself, I thank
you very much, and hopefully, I'll be able to do justice to the
job. Thank you very much for being
a part of the Changing Minds vibe. It's, um... It's really important
and special. Thank you. CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC Louise: I know that he's more than
capable of doing this job; it's everything else that he faces
that stands in the way, potentially. But I think if he can gain... regain
some self-confidence and self-esteem
in the position, then it'll, sort of, hopefully,
spill over into other parts
of his life. If I could take away everything
difficult for him, I would. Sometimes you go forward two steps,
and then you go backwards two steps,
but that's OK as well. You know, it doesn't have to be
perfect; it can just be whatever
it is. When you've been unwell for
so long, that becomes the norm. And so to break out of that,
you do need a bit of bravery and
a bit of... well, a zest for life, a desire for life,
and that's what I've got now. LAID-BACK HORN MUSIC
