ex mall goth CONNED by REAL lucifer NOT CLICKBAIT

you [ __ ] night angel your way into the empty mall you are back the tiles where once taco bell was consumed and happy happy shoppers moved to and fro all of their favorite stores brought into one central location you see the hot topic before you i take my soul edge from my back i put it down and i take a knee i put it back on and i enter the hot topic you still have your manager key from the from your many years of managing this hot topic you open the gate push it up move through there's still so many treasures in here worth saving hopefully tonight you can get like a couple loads done um but but what do you go to grab first um you got to go breaking benjamin pod posters um all the pro wrestling t-shirts uh adventure time uh sort of hats and whatnots studded [Laughter] this is from a very particular time i don't think hot topic has most of these things anymore the adventure time hack sold sold um uh you are scrounging around um underneath some of the wrestling tees you grab something uh it looks like a giant knob one of your giant like novelty wallets it's like this crazy infernal kind of devil looking book um do you guys sell some of these that like have secret compartments where you like hold a whiskey flask or something like that um as you flip through this it's just a straight-up book what it also doesn't smell red it doesn't smell like axe or some of these would be like kind of like cologned or whatever it smells like nasty rotten old meat it is a bad smelling book um but it the the production quality of it is incredible like it's like some of the pages are stitched into the binding with leather cords and [ __ ] there's like nasty ass old runes and stuff i think cody is just looking for rad stuff just as soon as he sees the he like skips over all the words when he sees runes he's like [ __ ] hell yeah dude uh and just like looks for looks for the weirdest most occult stuff in it you think it's evil dead merch yeah yeah you you find some occult stuff um i'm gonna tell you all the things that um cody doesn't notice cody doesn't notice um the moats of red light that bubble up from the ground where this book was laying nor does he notice this strange pentagram that kind of unseals almost as if an orifice of some other hidden world had just finished belching this book out into the bottom of this hot topic cody doesn't notice any of this you just notice the page that finally has like high gothic script latin that you actually think you'd be able to read hell yeah um i read it um as you read it out loud to sound out the latin the book erupts in flame as a pentagram surrounds you uh the book slams to the ground and a column of fire belches out from it um as it does you see the fire is flickering and you see momentary beads of neon light cutting into it and see movements of light coming along these pathways almost like cars traveling on highways when you hear motors and the motors are like [ __ ] with the infernal flame these like it's almost like this these like highways made of light constrict and bind [Applause] and you see something crawling up out of the flame going to the freshness give me up give me a [ __ ] hand give me a hand i think cody is like looking like just because they have a lot of rad [ __ ] so he just assumes this is some kind of crazy smoke machine thing so he's just like looking at how the book works he's like this [ __ ] rules what the uh my name is uh night angel uh aka you grab a hand you rip this being out of the flame and those highways of light sort of runic highways vanish the fire dissipates and a um four and a half foot tall devil appears before you standing on the book i will try to describe this as best i can four and a half feet tall is a horned the head of a marmot so a like marmot headed hamstery or guinea piggy kind of face with curling rams horns about the size of a human head on an extremely weak humanoid hairless torso with long clawed hands but then at the waist of the torso it is a full four-legged capybara body with a long rat tail so it's kind of like a centaur rat tail with marmot head and then uh and then a pair of uh vestigial wings on its torso's back and you see that this devil goes oh holy [ __ ] [ __ ] dude what the [ __ ] dude what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] where am i are you you're in your home it's where darkness is born this is hot topic are you lucifer because i've been [ __ ] waiting for you my whole life you see this devil looks to you and says okay yeah i'm i'm lucifer i'm i'm the real devil uh that i mean yeah okay so this is the real world you're a human mortal i'm the devil i'm not asking these questions i'm not asking these questions i'm saying this this is all this is true okay holy [ __ ] ah the mortal world okay what oh mortal answer this riddle what city are we in city of sin uh las vegas city the other city of sin it's [ __ ] up here oh we're new lucifer please we need to kill gladiator and save them all and i will sell my soul just in a second oh you just broached that top i didn't have to like anything else okay whatever i do i need to like give blood or yeah yeah blood's great yeah [ __ ] okay hold on um do you want do you have something we can do something like that it's like andrew wkn but i just started like just like crap like a break or something [ __ ] [ __ ] no dude no shut up why no listen do you have something to write on something with the blanks blank that we can write on oh yeah i found this weird [ __ ] book that you came out of that not that the not the book how about this you see he goes and grabs a wwe poster and on dude oh wait okay it's roman reigns it's fine [Applause] so just on the back of a roman reigns poster you uh he goes okay um uh in exchange for working for the privilege of working for me you will sell me your soul full deal well you need to give me like powers and [ __ ] like you have to like [ __ ] kill we have to get powers power you have to get the ball back i will give him all powers great great great and just you see he says hold out your hand okay just i have to be able to like freak out and be strong you got it pinprick pimp prick of blood you're good i just give my hand you see pricks your finger and says all right now put it on the dotted line this is like some sharpie dots that he just put on the back of his poster he's like keep using his hooves to keep it from rolling up all right lucifer i sell my soul to you right at first i write night angel and then i realized that might be binding and then i changed it to cody um you you do it you see he goes great i'm gonna sign my name as bazathrax don't worry about that and then he signs bazzathorax on the line he goes it turns into fire he goes holy [ __ ] i can feel it just there's no the the infernal realms can't reach here there's some kind of hex preventing them from cody sorry night angel we we could do a lot of good work here man it's wide open field baby there's no one else doing what we're doing in town right now let's bring the flames of hell to raise gladiator and from the ashes the mall will grow hell yes great good job um i will i'll always know where you are just say my name so lucifer um are we so now that we're working together are we just gonna get like a bunch of your fallen angels and we're just gonna go like kick those construction guy's asses or what cool so i'm gonna so what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna run a little bit of recon and i'm gonna get back to you about all these plans okay well you should do it for right you are lucifer right 100 dude 100 would never lie to you about that i am the person you mentioned but we got like like you know how you go by night angel right yeah so so that's like a called name right so lucifer is a very powerful name and so we're gonna go by my code name which is bazathrax okay it's a secret name only you only you and me know about that that's about it okay great you go home i'm gonna do almost some snooping but you got all kinds of powers now don't even worry about it okay um all right uh basmathrax you feel filled with infernal might and um uh pete uh you sign on that apartment you're free to move in whenever you want you can venmo immediately cool you venmo immediately um you roll in with like an air mattress that night and um you see cody come home and your vox phantasma [ __ ] goes wild that guy wasn't part of the unsleeping city when he left and has come back part of it now uh can i summon my lime green butterfly yes butterfly appears hey what's up man oh hey um what's up so you moved in uh you were uh in both directions do you work for lucifer too do you do you work for lunch you're doing cool [ __ ] do you work for hell can i do some sort of check to see what the [ __ ] is going on uh give me an insight check all right 19. um this dude has sold his soul in the last 45 minutes hey man what just happened to you what you are you okay i'm better than i've ever been listen um we should go up to the attic because technically i wasn't supposed to ever say lucifer to anybody and i said it to the first person i saw and the walls are in here and yeah come on up come on up yeah you guys had upstairs um uh pete this dude who got infernal awakened into the unsleeping city last night is now your roommate um uh uh what do you guys uh uh as you guys dive into it the next morning on your way to get breakfast you're walking down like steinway street in astoria uh what are you guys uh uh talking about okay i think i mean i want to know like everything about what you promised what the like do you have the contract on you or like what the [ __ ] what are you talking about let me see um uh [ __ ] i was so excited did i bring the book with me or the contract uh so yeah i guess i show the back of ripped wwe poster that is signed in my blood um that doesn't i think doesn't clarify anything it just says that i gave my soul away essentially this is the [ __ ] dumbest infernal contract you've ever seen you've ever seen it's on the back of a wwe poster crisp out of the plastic scrawled in blood it's very clear that cody got woozy from blood loss because he wrote the full word night angel out in his own blood which is which is too long to write in your own blood without getting woozy uh the the deal the the contract the bargain is in exchange for selling his soul he gets to work for this devil what this was a bad deal dude what the [ __ ] were you thinking lucifer himself comes out no and tells you that you can save them all oh my god bazathrax is a lesser lesser lesser devil lord like sub sub sub devil lord he is literally a lord of the second out of nine pits of hell he's in the number two he's in one of the number two like kind of right through the front door um and uh he is the sub lord of reckless decisions um uh that's his that's his fiendish domain is reckless decisions uh let me call lucifer and see if he wants that maybe that'll yeah maybe i'll sort it out great yeah bring him in lucifer in the name of jeff hardy and the hardy boyz in the name of breaking benjamin and all the other sick ass new metal bands i summon you um and then i i just like pull out a knife and stab myself in the leg no dude you don't have to you just gotta you just gotta say his name i think man don't worry about it you don't have to hurt yourself on that 27 first of all cody you up fall to the ground you have a bad leg stab you can tell that nothing happened here because the because the devil's name is not lucifer so this is not it's not gonna work so hey man look you just gotta say that's the thrust you gotta summon bass with rocks all right i say that okay i see the exact same thing again except bass with rex i'm yourself man um uh in a burst of nasty slick sewer smoke oh manhole cover pops up and you pete c bazzathorax again marmot head rams horns slimy humanoid very like emaciated looking torso with long claws and like a centaur capybara lower lower body uh with a long rat tail goes holy [ __ ] and crawls out of this smoking manhole okay i'd like to grab him by the collar and shove him against a wall and be like what the [ __ ] are you doing here tell me everything holy [ __ ] okay go ahead and roll initiative oh not intimidation uh i mean give me actually yeah you know before your world donation give me give me intimidate first okay oh that's a 28 um uh cody you've seen pete do some like butterfly stuff as pete slams this demon um um you see that uh the wall behind bazathrax turns into pure liquid chrome and circling daisy chains of happy will look like children's dolls with buttons sewed into their eyes dancing in this technicolor swirl going into infinity reach out and with their little puffy hands grab bazzathrax and restrain him in this circling phantasmagoria uh bastards goes whoa whoa i give up i full give up i surrender my butterflies [ __ ] him are you [ __ ] kidding me dude you see he said can i tell my soul to pete can you trade my soul he goes well i'm gonna try i'm gonna try to get your soul back that's rex what the [ __ ] are you doing here how did you get here what's going on tell me i don't [ __ ] know dude i don't [ __ ] know the kids summoning me i already said my name in the [ __ ] book and he signed us so you can't tell you sold this [ __ ] dude you work for me uh cody you see that he snaps one of his fingers even while restrained and you slam down to one knee with the sword in your hand um it's so [ __ ] sick that i work for a devil but kind of sucks yeah i want to know everything or what what's going on what his plans are cody let cody stand back up jesus christ you see he goes all right all right all right all all right hey stand back okay stay back i'll do it do what the [ __ ] fantasma says okay yes i i serve by dark master yeah oh dude i put my arm around cody look man you don't this is a [ __ ] like weird old m teacher i understand i understand but i'm just trying to make the best of it because you know how long i've been waiting for this do you know how many [ __ ] goth kids just wait for the devil to [ __ ] show up and just turn you into [ __ ] he's not i [ __ ] wish that's a primo gig that is a all right baz of thrax you can work you can stock the vending machines i [ __ ] believe in you okay you [ __ ] you see you says cody cody i'm lying i really am lucifer don't worry don't worry i really am just shy

Channel: gigashrug

Views: 34,324

Keywords: dimension 20, the unsleeping city, tuc, tuc s2, pete conlan, cody walsh, cody night angel, walsh, bazathrax

Id: EfpMqS1o5YQ

Length: 21min 9sec (1269 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 12 2021