Everything Wrong With Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones Part 1

are you still excited by this because that means you didn't see the last movie opening tech scroll continues to bore and delight everyone more talk about the Senate the next thing you know this franchise are gonna turn into The Manchurian Candidate which is a great movie when it's not called Star Wars the third paragraph of this scroll is about the exciting action of voting discount CGI Cloud City it was no danger at all bomb was timed to explode at the moment of jinxing senator well you blew up instead of hurt so I'd say that's pretty successful citizens Allah please how does one go from queen to senator do you have to renounce your bloodlines claim to the throne is senator actually a higher office and queen to the society I'm so confused we're keepers of the Peace not soldiers oh did the Jedi look out with sporadic uprisings until this moment in time how do they keep the peace with so few of them if there aren't enough to go to war that's like having a National Guard based in Nebraska with 15 people in it who can go to Florida if need be but are powerless if anything happens later in Texas the dark cloud everything let's just go ahead and say it Yoda is useless as a prophet also how does Palpatine have such amazing control of the darker side of the force that none of these Jedi can sense it 3 feet away impossible to see and yet future prophecy bull will drive everything we do from here on yes stop hologram I think the Count Dooku is behind it well then if you say so he Count Dooku was once a Jedi he couldn't assassinate anyone it's not in his character did these assholes never once run into a Jedi he went to the dark side why does everyone fret about training someone like Anakin if that's the case sure Darth Maul said something about revealing ourselves to the Jedi but I thought he was implying they'd been gone a long time not that they never existed he's just returned from a border dispute on anciano he and Anakin were able to take care of that border dispute all by themselves not only amazing but not filmed to show us how that works I haven't felt you this tense since since we fell into that nest of gundarks that sounds exciting let's watch that instead of this just like a phone that constantly rings Georgia enters the picture to jangle your nerves Annie my goodness you've grown but you haven't well you guys are the same age now and he'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine so let's have kids together I hit the ship but they used a decoy why did you wait until the ship was deboarding to hit it we'll have to try something more subtle this time Zam why she covered the cameras I don't think she liked me watching her yeah would anybody especially someone who basically led it first during the introductions a minute ago you'll using her as bait why not use another decoy why not dressing dragged in her bedroom while she sleeps on a nondescript floor of this building besides her senses aren't that attuned my young apprentice and yours are just how much bag talk is ob1 put up with from this little throughout the years because I'm betting it's way too much just being around her again is intoxicating good god man Anakin is already out of control a guy needs to bang a hooker fast you've made a commitment to the Jedi Order a commitment not easily broken and which doesn't allow for the power of boners if they know the exact floor and exact room Padme is sleeping in why didn't they just program this thing to fire missiles into the room yeah yeah the assassins felt like they needed to be more subtle but do you think people wouldn't be able to figure out this was foul play the Chancellor doesn't appear to be corrupt now here's something extremely weird obi-wan jumps and crashes through the window like a dick through blinds and what is probably some tough ass glass even if it has a small hole in it it's amazing it doesn't fall to his death right here this is something I'm becoming a pass character and something Anakin might more likely do since he's a hormone based horndog of a Jedi right now also obi-wan jumps out of window to grab onto a probe sent to kill Padme because he thinks the probe will lead him to the person controlling it he thinks he can interrogate the probe who sent you bro you'd also think a subtle device like this might have a self-destruct button in order to evade evidence and capture but luckily for obi-wan this murder probe is programmed to return to its owner after a failed murder attempt I've got a gun that can fire with utmost accuracy but I'll shoot the probe and let gravity decide this whoa wait what's that is that my falling master in the middle of all this craziness ex machina to the rescue this is the equivalent of thinking that if you jump at the last minute in a falling elevator you'll be safe obi-wan finds the assassin because I guess every question is answered with the force but even with that the assassin decided to fly in the general direction of Obi Wan's fall just a second ago even though she was way up high earlier geez how did he survive this the answer is just because whew that's over time to take off my mask for virtually no reason I hate it when he does that you did the exact same thing a minute ago do you remember crashing through the glass after a pink flying probe here's the problem if you're going to explain he survives these things and somehow knows where's am ship is just because of the force you're gonna have to do a better job of relaying that message this is some serious right here anakin doesn't pull out his lightsaber and infiltrate or crash this speeder instantly what once Anakin does use his lightsaber he's terrific Lee bad at killing speeder pilots with it this is more unbelievable than Harry finding Peter in the world unity festival crowd and spider-man the stupid kid finding spider-man's mask in spider-man 2 and Peter Parker finding his engagement ring while falling off a building in spider-man 3 also obi-wan conveniently catches Anakin's lightsaber but then sets it on the passenger seat without care almost ensuring that will go airborne or otherwise missing during the ensuing aerial chase also I thought anakin wanted to see where the ship went where the assassin went and who she's working for instead he just went right back to let's kill this asshole and doesn't seem at least bit concerned about the other knowledge this weapon is your life it really isn't you can make more and there are alternatives to fighting as we learn from somebody else in the earlier trilogy I forget who why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me not hilarious overly manipulated foreshadowing you wanna buy some death sticks what a creative name for a thing you want to go home and rethink your life my life this is the only time Jedi Mind Tricks ever work once with a stormtrooper in the first movie and with this drug dealer in the fifth movie also during this entire chase no one is standing at the door to make sure the assassin doesn't walk out obi-wan is drinking definitely something a Jedi does when hunting somebody down oh now I know why obi-wan is drinking so that there's a callback to the original Star Wars in the Mos Eisley cantina and so George Lucas can find an excuse to cut off another limb also why didn't she just shift into her other self or a disguise and simply walk out tell us now they don't even try to Jedi Mind Tricks Am they just go the old fashioned Batman and/or Jack Bauer route that was a bounty hunter a cog there's no chance in hell Jango knew where anyone was and what time they'd be here just go right to hell with that by the way he had no problem jumping after probes and to find death and traffic a minute ago to find Sam but this Django dude I will just wait here and hope the dying dream Lincoln tell us some stuff toxic dot it'll probably be the only good shot this guy ever gets off during these movies what about Senator Amidala she will still need protecting handle that will I sensed he cared deeply about his mother who didn't want to train him because of that earlier but now I can't sense this horny teenagers desire and will make him the primary guard for army dollar everything here would look beautiful it didn't look like issue the boy has exceptional skills but he still has much to learn master somehow between the last movie in this one obi-wan and the Jedi Council have completely reversed their roles on the idea of Anakin as a Jedi too sure of themselves they are maybe it's that constant fear leads to the dark side tripe you've been preaching this whole time that makes them more confident than they should be the prophecy is true your apprentice is the only one who can bring the force back into balance yeah about this prophecy is there some sort of turmoil going on with a Jedi need the force to come back into balance if so what does Anakin need to do to bring about that balance exists there's absolutely no explanation for this and it feels like it was put in the script just to sound good it will be your responsibility to take my place in the Senate representative Binks well he certainly is qualified I haven't worked for a year to defeat the military Creation Act to not be here when its fate is decided I mean all is exposition news says clunky is the opening crawl which already talked about this vote for which she wants to be present honey laughter Amidala had the run-in with the autonomous probe the previous night she's allowed to walk around unobstructed windows to her heart's delight he's overly critical he never listens where did this come from you were just talking about making sure she's safe and it turned into a diatribe about how life's unfair to you it's not fair Padme will not only ignore this childishness but go on to enter a sexual relationship with this whiny baby please don't look at me like that why not cuz it feels like you want to play with your lightsaber your creepy bastard Saima lay well that is evil and creepy and now I need a shower Rose Byrne and Natalie Portman are not my sister-wives in the sink don't do anything without first consulting either myself or the council especially this Queen here you saw these kinds of poison darts when you were prospecting funny little cuts on the side to give it away those analysis droids only four was on symbol Oh I mean what this is a library right and it looks like everything is digital so why the need for large stacks of blue everywhere um the official subtitles here say that r2d2 gave that cook robot raspberries well I'll deal with the people that I love you do not love her yet you haven't even seen her in 10 years you have a boner that's it how does Jedi training not include sex ed attachments for men so do all the Jedi I just hope that all potential Jedi in the universe are created by that Shmi Skywalker method of midi-chlorian pregnancy I'll tell you how this romance has made even more painful it has to start with Amidala resisting Anakin for nearly the whole movie before they can start lying around in flowers and floaty ball practice because I want to raised it from the archive memory oh come on so they get to straight just on the off chance someone was looking for this planet for whatever reason someone decided to release it from the archives and why would anyone be looking for this planet except when someone finds a rare poisoned dart that only the chef at a diner could recognize also they removed the planet but they didn't remove anything else that might help someone locate it that gives you like the opposite effect of what you're trying to accomplish right might as well put a neon sign there that said planet removed for incriminating purposes but Master Yoda who could empty information from the archives that's impossible isn't it yeah who could it be who has the power around here I'm gonna blame george w bush until we get to the bottom of this barely are to navigate stairs one by one very slowly but can catch up to them no problem even though they never stopped I heard they even tried to amend the Constitution so you could stay in office she was a queen no right not an elected official or does this planet just elect people and call them queens the day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it let's pray that day never comes you will have a queen in this world right isn't that a monarchy or are you like the British monarchy where you have a queen but she has no power there it is r4 yep the planet we've probably seen for many many parsecs because it is a huge celestial body in space I am just now acknowledging that I see it you will be delighted to hear that we are on schedule all these people need to know is that obi-wan is a Jedi and they just blabbed the whole evil plan to him before making sure it's okay to tell him I don't like sand it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere never a more eloquent word was spoken in order to woo a fine woman here everything is soft and smooth this line works also didn't even fools just get here rapid romances cooking rabbit we take great pride in our combat education and training programs we don't spend much time on aiming practice an unaltered clone for himself curious isn't it not if you're trying to come up with the origin story a Bubba Fett it isn't everything in the background of this shot is some bullsh people should be ashamed of movie unintentionally inspires Twilight do you get the sense they walked into this meadow and like back to the future to ordered this background to show the scenery channel we need a system where the politicians sit down this romance and politics in the same scene skip anakin pretends to be hurt more seriously that he is she falls forward and movie thinks that's love movie misses its chance to insert the lightsaber switching noise in this scene no one apparently told Jane go that a Jedi was coming because he left his incriminated in the closet completely on the open for anyone to see though do their job well a whole army of Ginga Fitz and somehow the bad guys are gonna lose this thing they're about to eat fruit with looking silverware and I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me ladies and gentlemen the poetry of George Herbert Walker Lucas you're starting to become a Jedi I'm I'm a senator sex is impossible because senators have senator parts and Jedi have Jedi parts we could have accepted this love story and attack of the clones if we could have seen Anakin doing awesome Jedi throughout the movie and Padme despite everything in the world telling or not to decide it you know what okay I need to go to this Jedi and break off a piece and the story of Luke and Leia's birth gets told without all this arguing pleading and terrible dialogue trying to make it so and I would have cut about 20 minutes from the movie obi-wan has to give his report while standing out in the middle of a torrential downpour mmm Palpatine came into power about ten years ago that Jedi who supposedly ordered a clone army died about 10 years ago and there's only one guy was the kind of power to do all this so could it be mind if creation of this clone army we could not see but instead of explaining how that's possible we dedicated many minutes to Amidala and Anakin not having sex in other words these movies tell you a lot about what is happening but don't tell you the ins and outs of why those things are and it definitely isn't any ins and outs going on in the bedroom either you

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,437,045

Rating: 4.8446031 out of 5

Keywords: Star Wars (Film Series), Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones (Award-Winning Work), everything wrong with, eww, cinemasins, cinema sins, review, attack of the clones, prequels

Id: ln7HQCbonho

Length: 12min 44sec (764 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 15 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/borticus]

I bought the soundtrack for Attack of the Clones before I saw the movie. For some reason I had high hopes for what the story would be. Sadly, I was let down. Not completely though. John Williams' Across the Stars is a fantastic piece of cinematic scoring.

[u/IanMazgelis]

I think Plinkett spoiled me. Jeremy surprisingly misses a lot of flaws

[u/[deleted]]

The mind trick also works in Episode I, on the Gungan Boss.

[u/SmashMetal]

All things considered, this is a fairly good movie. The Jedi arena scene near the end is probably one of my favourites across all 6 films.