Everything Wrong With Soul in 17 Minutes or Less

this episode is sponsored by betterhelp even at the best of times many of us can forget to prioritize our mental health that's why we wholeheartedly recommend better health it's an online therapeutic resource that will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional counselor all from the comfort of your home to get started head to betterhelp.com cinemasins answer a few questions about your state of mind and before you do it you'll be matched with a counselor who will work with you oh yeah and you also get 10 off your first month when you click that link below now onto the show [Music] so are they just sitting around disney trying to figure out ways to make sitting through 45 seconds of logos even more painful we're already tormenting the eyes why not use a middle school band to destroy the ears as well also in real life no band would ever learn to play the disney theme because a team of lawyers would immediately appear out of thin air to sue every child in the room the sheet music written on this chalkboard is wildly inefficient a it only covers the first two lines of the song and b it skips the bass notes entirely so good luck if you plan to include your tuba and cello players no wonder these kids suck if the first second third fourth and fifth saxophones aren't cutting it i doubt saks the sixth is gonna save the day would it kill you to throw in some french horns forgot my socks mr g is he only noticing this now surely this would have come up oh i don't know immediately also how is rachel taking a nap during all this i wake up if i feel the vibration of the air change book fairs were the biggest lie our teachers ever pulled on us fares are for corn dogs tilt-a-whirls and washed-up rock artists not literature welcome to the ms70 family joe permanently i feel like you only deliver good news in this tone and with this emphasis if your intention is to let the audience know that the recipient isn't actually happy about said good news how you been mr g uh it's curly bald guy named curly cliche listen yeah you can call me joe now curly i'm not your teacher anymore okay mr gardner so he's been doing this for so long that he has students old enough to offer him gigs but he doesn't want to take a full-time job doing what he's already been doing for years wow i would die a happy man if i could perform with dorothea williams wow that sure would be a dark direction to take this story but this is a kid's movie so i'm sure it'll be fine also a movie uses this tortured artist gets his big break bit to build tension but the truth is joe could be excited about getting full-time benefits and the opportunity to play with dorothea williams 29 interest on a car loan i know this is new york but my god that's a sin i really wish i could play some of this music for you because it's absolutely astonishing i know i'm supposed to be adding sins but this music is too good not to remove a sin to settle to the score you got a suit get a suit teach a good suit maybe you didn't hear the part where he said he teaches middle school band joe survives this and this and this and this and oh also sure joe's oblivious to this near death montage but the majority of the sin here is on the in every case who have either insufficiently blocked off the danger zone or don't try to stop him i'm joe joe gardner look i'm not supposed to be here are you really telling me a fedora is so essential to his being that he even has one when he dies who is this guy jason mraz you see joe i'm 106 years old been waiting a long time for this for what the great beyond the great beyond requires some sort of an escalator to take you there rather than just sending you there in the first place allowing the movie to happen which is fun i love this movie but i hate escalators also why is the moving sidewalk of eternity so completely empty when joe lands but then an absolute mad house later also also it somehow allows souls to turn around and walk down which is a design flaw unbecoming of the afterlife the mythical inuit demon that tickles its victims to death also how is he the only one freaking out right now surely there are other sudden deaths that have happened in the last few minutes i'm not dying the very day i got my shot i'm due heck i'm overdue i hear that joe last time i blew my shot my girlfriend ended up being overdue as well i'm not dying today not when my life just started this is joe's reaction after receiving definitive proof of an afterlife i mean maybe this reaction makes sense if he got inside and found out it was a machine gun kelly concert full of pros drinking ipas i get it not your scene but you're telling me he is not the least bit curious [Music] wow going to the great beyond sounds a lot like watching mosquitoes and molds zap the out of themselves oh they're just trying to follow the light too why aren't you running why aren't these people running why are they all okay being launched into a giant mosquito zapper in space i know this lady said must have been sudden for you but what difference does that make aren't most deaths essentially sudden none of these souls look particularly old so why did they get a briefing and joe didn't also where are all the animals because i know for a fact that all dogs go to heaven i see the afterlife found a bargain on whatever fabric this is that allows joe to just tear through it and pixar standards have gone to they just stuck an animatic in the middle of this movie and pretended like we wouldn't notice appearing in a form your fueble human brain can comprehend so does soul joe have his human brain surely he left that behind on earth man if i'm stuck in the same brain after i die the great beyond can suck it we call it the you seminar now rebranding movie believes these quantum time space cloud people would in any way be concerned with marketing strategy and here's another sin for making me say marketing strategy not yet your body's in a holding pattern it's complicated i'll get you back to your group my parents don't accept it's complicated as a reason for why i'm still living in their basement you're damn right i'm not going to accept it as a reason for this bull forcefully placing someone on your butt hand without explicit consent afterlife depends on a guy with an abacus to count souls and makes him watch from this far away to count them that is a sea of blue souls blending in down there how do you count this also why is this advanced being using such rudimentary technology terry is being a real hipster and i'm still upset about them driving up the price of pabst also also the row on this abacus is totally useless now i'm not as frequent an abacuser as i once was but surely for it to work you need to be able to move the beads at least one space first stop is the excitable pavilion skipping foreplay if this mechanism knows joel's soul isn't allowed on earth why does it wait until now to send him back what a tease and why wouldn't it just send him back to the great beyond escalator using preschool souls to game the system what and the great beyond is this name badge claiming system who is monitoring who takes which name why are there so many unclaimed what is this madness also they have a mentoring program you mean people die and their souls become mentors if that happened to my soul i'd become a d mentor jerry will take it from here thanks jerry head right on over there to jerry thank you jerry is everyone here named jerry soul joe would be great at cinemasins also the way i see it either the jerry's constitute one being or god is a two-time heavyweight boxing champion with a steady stream of grill-based income it counts off i seriously doubt that the count hasn't been off in centuries but in a place that doesn't age and has been around for thousands of years is a couple centuries even a lot a couple centuries there is probably like a couple months here and honestly if something goes wrong every couple of months it shouldn't be a big surprise 151 000 souls going to the great beyond every day it's 105.2 souls per minute jerry 1.75 cells per second map i'm always counting i'm getting right now he blanked five times since i started talking sex to me terry sounds like a virgo why are you counting how many times someone is blinking you have other things to do if terry is here investigating the loss sold and who is back at the escalator counting souls the intern also when the people of earth invented computers these guys just thought nah we'll stick to a trillion filing cabinets and a million billion abacuses and they said our human brains were feeble here at the youth seminar all new souls are given unique and individual personalities either video technology and the great before has not progressed past vhs or they chose this aesthetic on purpose vaporwave is dead long the vaporwave i'm a manipulative megalomaniac who's intensely opportunistic 20 preemptive sins for whatever this kid does when they get to earth and one sin for jerry playing that for laughs they're matching a mentor with each soul applauding as they come down from the audience showing a clip from the mentor's life and there is no way something this inefficient is getting through this many souls a day how the omnipotent jerry's don't realize that dr morganson looks nothing like joe is battling we know that souls carry over at least some of their physical characteristics from their bodies on earth you know this could have easily been avoided by having a badge monitor marie antoinette nobody can help you nobody so in this timeline marie antoinette is mentoring people even though she basically told poor french people to go cake or whatever is there any way to show a different life in this place apparently there is why would this console be here why is joe's hall of you featuring his lamest moments the instructional expositional video used the word inspiring and clipping toenails on the toilet is the best it could come up with or a monument to waiting for the washing machine sure maybe there aren't a ton of top-notch joe moments but at the very least it shouldn't droop to below average joe right this is the moment where i fell in love with jazz skip sure this afterlife can make a soul's badge return to it any time it wants but it can't figure out joe needs to be on the escalator to the great beyond lighters exist in this dimension what are the rules are the rules you don't know why do you sound like a middle-aged white lady i just use this voice because it annoys people that's cairnes if this works then the time i accidentally threw a basketball at tamara's head during gym class in sixth grade and she got so pissed that snot started pouring out of her nose and she raged at me like a bull she really should have been thanking me for giving her a spark instead of trying to fight me in the locker room right you're right i can't smell we can't we can't taste either but if you can't taste or smell how would anyone ever get a chef spark or a sommelier or that guy in our dorm who could identify us each by our flatulence also they can't taste or smell but they have no problem hearing seeing talking and thinking because popping and locking windmills settling my disputes with dance step up four old soul edition check this out i have been messing with this team for decades [Music] and the knicks lose another one yeah but 22 is messing with souls that are in the zone this assumes that the knicks ever get in the zone the peace sign is a terrible shape for an anchor and would be completely useless in the sand it's almost like the movie's putting aesthetic themes over practicality i'm moonwin star dancer at your service that's winstar dreamer moon dancer star wind moon and that stream of wind dreamer dreamer one sin for triggering a flashback to a music festival i attended in 2007 where my friend jim picked me up from work assuring me that he had packed the car with all our supplies eight hours later i learned that all our supplies consisted of an acoustic guitar a box of cap'n crunch and a tent without tetpoles we've never connected an untethered soul back to its body before but perhaps if we travel to a thin spot don't forget to reverse the polarity and buffer the abacuses and goes away aren't there a ton of souls they could reconnect down here but they're just leaving behind i'm in new york city on the corner of 14th and seven oh yeah that's right from tony tony tonio i'm sure this very specific yet unnecessary reveal of the location of moonwin's body on earth won't ever come up again or be important in any way close your eyes breathe into your crown chakra but earlier you said you'd never done anything like this with an untethered body before so how do you know the exact steps in detail i hear a heart monitor if joe was in a coma then why aren't there hundreds maybe thousands of souls looking to get back to earth you think the afterlife would wait to put a soul on an escalator if there was hope doc you got to help me that's my body but i'm trapped okay if joe meows like a cat when he talks why can 22 understand him 22 is operating with a human brain now and thus should hear cat sound instead of english in fact there are a lot of things that they shouldn't be able to do as a cat or human if the soul is separate from the brain and the body yeah the movie allows it anyway because of creative license and nobody gives a jeremy why am i in a cat i don't know apparently the screenwriters don't know either how does a human soul knock a cat's soul out of its body how does it send the cat soul to the human soul escalator yeah that's chelsea near jackson square park exactly wait how do you know it's all in this stupid brain of yours and literally the next scene 22 is bewildered by pedestrian traffic in new york city so you have access to memories containing locations and landmarks but not the ones about a pretty standard day in new york i hope that viral subway rat sues disney for everything they're worth everything it's so surreal that later this guy becomes the joker we gotta hail a cab hold your hand out hold it up and out this would be hard even if i wasn't wearing a hospital gown i've heard the black guy can't get a cabin new york joke so many times that i'm convinced this is a serious problem that's not a sin for the movie but it is like a million cents for new york seriously new york get your sh together okay so if this was anywhere near the club the unfortunate run-in with dorothea explorer would make sense but some random club in a completely different place man this movie really wants to pile more conflict on poor joe and the man's dead already darthy freaked out when she saw you and she called this other guy robert without even seeking an explanation look i've known enough artists to know they put up with a lot of nonsense to work with great talent this is basically just a typical afternoon for most jazz musicians i came to tell you that i quit quit oh we don't have time for this really we don't have time for this that's all joe has to say about one of his students quitting jazz should we be rooting for joe at all because he's coming off like a selfish jazz hole at every opportunity shower nozzles with only six holes u5 will be insecure and u12 will be self-absorbed we really should stop sending so many through that pavilion you should but you didn't and now we have social media uh joe garner is his name looks like he's back down on earth that's not good that's a mentor we set up with 22. wait so if the jerry's are aware that joe is 22's mentor and not bjorn borgensen then why the whole ruse at this point the only one out of loop is terry so one sin for lying to terry and another one for not telling us what happened to bjorn borgensen this won't be a disaster that's for sure character says things we'll be fine because we all know things will not be fine cliche oh my lord you gotta wait son this is an emergency i mean is it you're kicking out a guy with an actual appointment man i've called the better business bureau for less you are not all that anyone could play in a band if they wanted to did this man come back inside just to hate some more my kind of guy hey i made a song i'm jazzing careful you keep jazzing everywhere like that and it'll fall off your mama's in the back what'd you say about my mama you can't eat dreams for breakfast joey bacon deniers mr mittens you movie the odds of joe cat bumping into this woman in the middle of new york scatting city at this exact moment are astra jazz economical hey movie did i not properly articulate my outrage in the lesson what the hell is terry's plan here just wait and hope that out of the 472 subway entrances in new york city joe and 22 would walk into this exact one how long has he been waiting here i don't know what pisses me off more the fact that this is his plan or that it works but why did terry bring him back to the u seminar instead of sending him directly to the auto walk to the great beyond 22 got her pass but what what filled in the last box it's kind of up how the earth pass doesn't tell you all the traits that make it up especially since they show every little detail before they get filled in you can't press a button and find out can you swipe right if you can't throw the incomplete earth pass away as demonstrated earlier why in the can you throw the completed one away if the above is true why couldn't job just hung around and stole anybody's earth pass he obviously doesn't give a about anyone other than himself ah the cat came back to life i know cats have nine lives but does this mean they have nine souls if so where the hell do those come from and cat lady just happens to be there this is some convenient magic nonsense and i don't like it also didn't we see this cat's soul go to the great beyond who's at the whale now this concert montage jazzes all over us for quite some time an incredible amount of detail has gone into every set piece for this film every sign flyer and piece of trash has been accounted for accomplishing this especially in a place like new york is very impressive makes my job difficult but respect what happens to this piano should it disappear or something wait does the piano have a soul that being said where did this boat come from where does anything come from this bizarre neither here nor their construct is this the matrix man what are you doing in the zone and how is he staying in it now that he's distracted i just came back to give you this how is joe able to carry his earth pass with him back to the other side since it seems like matter here neither has rules nor needs to follow them i see no reason why this should have stopped terry these beings can manifest into whatever they want in this place that means this jerry is choosing to be the pavilion and that's just weird in the name of all that is jazzy how does any of this work the inside of joe's pocket and the samara make it through to the great before but the jacket the pocket belongs to doesn't you're pretty great at jazz this works so we all decided to give you another chance this is nice and all but it robs the movie of joe's sacrifice if he gets what he wants regardless giving up the earth pass at 22 is so much less meaningful bring back the disney that killed bambi's mom and mufasa zero forgiven also movie wants to have it both ways a great ending where joe accepts his fate and where it gets to have its happy ending too wait love of jazz city of stars this movie is pretty much la la land [Music] thanks again to better help for sponsoring this episode it's way too easy to forget to take care of your mental health if you're feeling like you need to speak to someone just need a mental health check-in betterhelp is an amazing online resource that allows you to do just that connect with a counselor in a safe and secure online environment and no this isn't self-help this is a real connection with an actual human being and you don't even have to put on outside pants to do it pajama bottoms or sweats are just fine with better help i know it can be easier to receive counseling without the need to go into an unfamiliar environment and it's not just structured appointments you can send messages to your counselor anytime check out information that's relevant to your needs and book your next appointment all on the same page betterhelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed head to betterhelp.com cinemasins to answer a few questions and get paired up with a counselor within 24 hours get a whole 10 off your first month by clicking that link join over 1 million people taking charge of their mental health again that's betterhelp help.com cinemasins not quite my tempo it's all good no worries here we go i remember one time my dad took me to this jazz club jazz was born in a little flop house in new orleans and it just because people were crammed in there they spoke five different languages they couldn't talk to each other the only way they could communicate was with jazz okay bama why don't you get on up there and show me what you got well i i'm not prepared to do my thing right now i can't guess you guys aren't ready for that yet but your kids are going to love it we isn't this exciting they say time is the fire in which we burn yeah you know time's not really a thing here people assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear non-subjective viewpoint it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly tiny whimey stuff oh okay i said do you think you'd die if you drank wee you know he missed a close but no cigar i'm in the chair i want to go to there so uh what happens next same thing we do every night pinky try to take over the world i'm happy to accept this very special award i requested but that i absolutely deserve surprise

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,685,621

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, cinemasins soul, soul, soul movie, soul movie review, soul movie reaction, everything wrong with soul, everything wrong with soul cinemasins, cinemasins pixar, cinemasins pixar movies, soul review, soul reaction, pixar soul, pixar soul review, cinemasins disney, cinemasins disney pixar

Id: zk4lvi_AEYM

Length: 19min 28sec (1168 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 22 2021