Everything Wrong With Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

44 seconds of logos birds fly away to signify danger cliche also chimps are terrible about knowing when humans are in their jungle I'm gonna get one shot one shot is all I need you only get one shot one shot is all I need cliche monkey decides to freak out and break loose at the exact same moment James Franco is pitching the sensitive money people on funding his monkey drug we're ready to move on to the next phase human trials yep medicine companies definitely go from one successful Monkey Trial directly to human trials this is totally legit these guys should have way more training expertise and common sense than to do this these are discount actual monkey scientists guards full-on murder the ape with people in the room they don't have tranquilizers also security guard shoots potentially dangerous monkey instead of sleeping or sleeping know everything about the human brain except the way it works Oh stuff it he knows tons about how the human brain works you're just looking for a lazy zinger oh come on they get a bunch of wild apes conduct millions of tests are there with them every day for hours and hours and they didn't know bright eyes was pregnant also this might be something that would be difficult to spin with investors but seems like if you've got a drug that can make billions of dollars admitting that you didn't know the egg was pregnant and that that was the reason she went crazy would turn it around in time certificate of appreciation monkey conveniently bonds to human just as human is about to kill monkey right away Caesar displayed hello there he's just gonna start narrating like we haven't sat through 14 minutes of movie already also three years later he kept a monkey hidden in a residential neighborhood for three fucking years and no one ever looks at their neighbors windows ever and please just pretty long will carries around a chess piece so that he could reflect dramatically on this point while recording his notes scientists running out of time and patience with his father's disease tests his theories on his own flesh and blood stealing is only wrong when you're not motivated by Alzheimer's so wait the lab isn't getting funding to produce this drug anymore because of the brighteyes incident but still produce large quantities of it anyway he steals these vials but the lab never does inventory or anything because no one ever notices they're missing hey didn't the nurse quit after the last outburst who was watching daddy Rodman all day while his son was at work stealing medicine the chimp open window causes no concern for will even though there's a wandering chimp in the house also no surprise open window allows Caesar to escape during crucial part of the plot also monkey only notices open escape window after ignoring it all night long guess it wasn't time to escape yeah these are can't gone far how the fuck do you know you can't have gone far piano man won't happen again there might a Walt Carbon Copy asshole neighbor who's carbon copy also sweatbands he likes Frieda Pinto is not my girlfriend wife and mistress in this don't just match my online dating profile - were already andy serkis isn't winning an Oscar in this scene brilliant scientist drives a woody that's not a sin I just wanted to say the word woody so for five years Will's been taking Cesar to the redwoods and this is the first time there's been an incident or anyone who has ever noticed a freaking chimp being taken into the redwoods see this is where I work no one here will see you a monkey in this car in the parking lot because scientists are unobservant haha original Planet of the Apes reference mustang owners are always leaving their car doors open with the keys in the ignition it's a very common problem this honking driver is oblivious to the absolutely amazing terrifying scene directly in front of him it's animal control not an ambulance right Animal Control transports dangerous monkey in van with no restraints whatsoever is it bad that I knew the evil animal shelter guy was going to be Brian Cox before I even knew he was in this movie thank goodness San Francisco has a closeby monkey sanctuary handy otherwise this movie would have been a lot of driving monkey Truman show you know I don't see a ring on that finger five years dating Frieda Pinto and you haven't married her hell it'd be a sin if it was five months hey Tom you know that character Malfoy when you play in the Harry Potter series just do that that's racist now you hardly have a show so is there a reason why the business minded Jacobs has kept him on the payroll especially after the disaster in the beginning of the film hell they nearly fired him on the spot then the 112 is dangerous well and it doesn't work also did he not ever tell his boss about how the evil drug jump was actually just protecting its baby did he not ever start work on 113 or any other new drug I'm trying to figure out how he's not fired after the 112 was scrapped and he was told to start over but never did and that was years ago I choose my father with it does one brilliant scientist isn't fired immediately his boss finds out he stole a 3-year old drug and gave it to his father I'll give you whatever you need Medical boss just believes his scientists when he says his dad was cured with stolen drugs and orders new testing without actually verifying that the drug actually works by looking at any data because big money decisions are always made that way aerosol deliver and place they used to give the monkeys the 112 by injecting them but with the 113 they have this fancy Green Goblin aerosol delivery chamber system which is only so they can infect the snarky lab assistant guy and have a cool everything goes wrong moment that is a pink sweatshirt he just ripped off Caesars body cleaned like he was doing the tablecloth trick not possible what that EEP said is racist Draco ex machina guy who sneezes blood tells no one and doesn't go to the doctor so that he can die later in the story we they went and grabbed his ripped sweatshirt from the main ap yard and returned it to his cell why hey girls let's go pound some beers at the animal shelter then that sound like a place where everyone has fun and gets laid he's Cornelia haha original Planet of the Apes reference I'm rooting for Caesar but there's pretty much no way he could have taken this knife also how did he figure out what looked like a regular bottle opener also served as a pocket knife oh now you're gonna seek help about your medical problem Jesus this asshole always around also convenient asshole comeuppance cliche will gives up way too quickly after being rejected by Caesar I mean we know Caesar has moved on but will doesn't Caesar wins over all the Apes with a bag of chips ahoy we interrupt this Planet of the Apes reboot to bring you the beginning of 2001 how did this asshole get in the house without breaking something or are they still leaving windows and doors open in this house thank God will kept all that 113 aerosol in his fridge after his dad died jumping on a Mustang makes the grill fall off because Ford how did Caesar get back into the animal shelter without being seen remember he had to go out through the glass dome thing and he slid down to the ground that's way too high and slick to climb back up even for him sure I guess he could have walked through the front door it's not like the landings are incredible at their job or anything how the did Caesar know that this would work a human being in his position looking at strange cans in the fridge wouldn't know for sure that jamming a knife in the cans would create a slow enough release that rolling the canisters down the hall would infect all the Apes dude sees Apes totally conspiring but so the movie can continue shrugs it off I guess after Franklin couldn't get in contact with will that one time he totally gave up forever and never used a phone or email or anything explaining his condition haha Charlton Heston for filthy mudblood am i right okay then this be awesome I'm taking a sin off for that right there also Caesars gonna count to five and then he's gonna start beating the shit out of you over a billfold Caesar does what Harry Potter took eight movies to not do apes escaped Detention Facility and procreate to triple their numbers in roughly two hours Apes moving through the trees remove roughly 90% of all leaves no worries I know where he's headed cliche this place has infrared security cameras are you kidding me also scotch tape dispenser fits in perfectly with high-tech security workstation sunglasses indoors are you seriously trying to tell me that Caesar stomped on his way to jens's to draw graffiti wait he was just walking from the underground employee parking lot and now he's in the lobby like he just walked in the front door cool shot but what was the plan hey guys after we destroyed the building let's form a multi-tiered stare down offensive what if Jacobs had gone on vacation what if Jacobs had gotten a phone call not to come in how long were they willing to wait also what was the point of that hey Jacobs you're an asshole okay everybody now let's get the fuck out of here and not one of these Apes chased after Jacobs or ran out the same exit he did so we see the animal control vehicle in the background here but in the next shot the officer is already shooting a net at this lone ape in the middle of the street and all the freed apes in San Francisco decided to hang back and save this one ape look I know they're smart and all but they're just wildly running through the streets how did they even begin to know there's one lost chimp about to get captured by Animal Control also it doesn't seem like killing is exactly their style they didn't kill Jacobs even though they had a huge chance to do so but here they keep throwing spears at this dude hoping he dies a grisly death I suppose manhole cover only goes halfway through wimpy car windshield when really both these cops ought to be dead traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge is conveniently stopped already so that there could be hundreds of people in harm's way when the Apes come through how the hell can you know that from here if you knew they were going to the bridge why didn't you chase them down while they were kicking it on a trolley why didn't you have a roadblock set up on the south side before they even got there how the hell did these assholes get on the bridge this attempted murders somehow different from all the other potential murders they could have committed during the escape why didn't all the simians take this route it's the safest spot on the whole bridge Caesar is pretty damn smart but I think he missed a golden opportunity to use this bridge the right way fog rolls in at just the right time to make it hard for the cops to see the Apes okay great so they formed the comps and totally got the drop on this roadblock but there's absolutely no reason why they need to engage them in any way they could have sneaked past them in the fog and not even risk getting shot in fact since they have a rule about not killing any more of this attack seems pointless oh okay I guess this murder is fine then this is for King Kong or something bad guy somehow survives fiery helicopter crash because it's not cathartic enough for him to die unless the angry drug 1/13 test ape is the one doing it my mother always said if you can't say something nice while dying you shouldn't say anything while dying at all a bunch of smart apes that just destroyed San Francisco are now taking residence in the redwoods I'm pretty sure that's the cue for the US government to start bombing Redwood National Park take that nature maybe this year to call this rise of the 12 monkeys ever since cinemasins began the most requested thing has been TV since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check it out and now the audio outtakes [Music] you yeah [Music] ladies and gentlemen I'm here to tell you a very strange story the story of our adventure in pursuit of a savage beasts and now ladies and gentlemen I give you what would the side effects violence aggression and insanity we need to take the whole line back to formula and what we shall be your friend is and [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 709,438

Rating: 4.9022007 out of 5

Keywords: eww, cinema sins, cinemasins, everything wrong with, planet of the apes, rise of the planet of the apes, rise of planet of the apes, planet of the apes review, rise of the planet of the apes review

Id: b8FxTvee7fA

Length: 10min 50sec (650 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 22 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

This is actually my favourite of the new Apes trilogy. I love the other two so much but the buildup of this one was so expertly done, you know?