Everything Wrong With Krampus In 15 Minutes Or Less

[Music] Comcast isn't freezing to death in this logo this guy decides to retrieve this box using this janky-ass ladder just as the store opens on what I assume is Black Friday where was this cartoonishly butch security when the store opened and that mucho mark greeter was trampled people fighting over Christmas decorations on Black Friday instead of Bobbitt Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Furby or other toys that will prove how old I am suddenly everyone is calm and orderly in the checkout line maybe they saw those other people get tasered for no reason and realize the security guards at neutral Mart mean business by them is a kid nativity play happening in this store at the local elementary school burned down or did the director convince them to have it here because it made the transition easier this guy clearly has a mild case of super strength if he's able to carry that television under one arm and that concludes our delightfully out-of-context slow-mo nightmare holiday montage even though grandma knows the Krampus rules she is still presumably suspicious every Christmas despite no one summoning him even till the first graders at says it was just a cheap marketing ploy and then didn't sell Pepsi coke kid who cannot discern the difference between Coke and Pepsi even though Coke is delicious and Pepsi as garbage was drop kicking em into the manger really the best way there was no way that kid drop kicked that other kid into any kind of manger unless his parents allowed the fighting to go on will pass the major part and we missed that after why you pole you can do that alone how about you just started a fight in the middle of a play you can't do that at all go to your room Jesus this couple is completely forgotten not a parent offend me I started with this Star Wars does this family speak in perfect German to English translation do they have a Babel Fish in their ears last year I found in my bed mom human - the last time that was their dog mom somehow believes that her sister's English Bulldog takes human side mom is just now noticing that Santa is looking at her daughter's ass instead of when she put the picture in the frame or when she got the picture the first time or when she was shown proof she had plenty of opportunities before now to look at her own family photo is what I'm saying how our Hummer shakes the whole house because he's obnoxious just want to make sure you understand that this guy isn't Randy Quaid in the scene they're just a little cranky cuz the Steelers lost tell your Aunt Sarah about your Presidential Fitness Award he uses the previous five seconds of dialogue to beat me over the head with how butch Linda and Howard's daughters are Oh would you ask Santa for this air toys are video games so analysis either Beth thinks that Howie juniors mental challenges are the result of failing kidneys or she doesn't know what dialysis is gross fat kid drinking soda straight from a two-liter bottle and then immediately burping cliche as I was in training Leslie what were you training for uh said Eagle Scouts for some reason Howard and company are acting like being an Eagle Scout is something to laugh about but becoming an Eagle Scout is pretty hard right I wouldn't know because I'm a lazy asshole but I assume it would require a lot of discipline and hard work and a gun-toting survivalist type like Howard would find it respectable what are you now a Jew that's actually racist so to survive you had to slaughter and eat his reindeer including Rudolph eight tiny reindeer get it yeah but if you also ate Rudolph that makes nine so your pun based falls apart this kid hates Christmas spoiler talk as much as Marty McFly hates being called a chicken in the Back to the Future sequels it's a very curious button that sets him off Max's letter starts to get awkward for the grown-ups yet no one gets up to stop Stevie from continuing to read given the max has retained all of his family members during his life I have trouble seeing how this Christmas can be any different from Max's ten previous Christmases also did someone cryogenically freeze the kid from Jumanji and thaw amount last year to be in this movie this dartboard in the background is just asking for darts to be thrown into the wall around it this is also an orgy of evidence this is a boy's room stack of board games minecraft pictures toy plane numerous off-screen things I can't even see but I know were there I mean how do you even sleep in this room even the assholes you normally can't stand seeing asshole to a ten-year-old kid I guess Krampus is able to interpret a ripped up letter to Santa as Max wishing his entire family was gone Kevin McCallister actually said out loud he wished his family would disappear and the worst thing that happened him was Joe Pesci showed up Krampus rides in on the same clown that the rhinoceros from James and the Giant Peach used to eat James's parents blackout waits to shut down this one houses power lasts because that's how electricity works when you accidentally summoned a Christmas demon we find out later that the snowmen that appear represent people Krampus is too into the underworld or whatever the snowman must indicate his first victim was Abraham Lincoln the Turner's are in Hawaii the Lambert's are in Florida the Cartwright stopped talking to us after masses little incident how convenient for the impending evil Christmas demon all the neighbors are out of town except for the ones they don't talk to causing them to be completely isolated I can't talk like a normal person and say ups because this is a half assed DHL product placement and look how much better we are than them while they successfully brought packages to your door they did not personally greet you so stick it you pee your ass ups then can I walk over and check on him I could see if anyone else has power on the way she'll be fine based on Beth's conversation with a boyfriend from earlier their parents wouldn't allow her to leave the house when there was no blizzard now in an extremely large blizzard has taken out all power the phone lines and cell phone communication she'll be fine I know teenage horniness is a powerful thing but I can't imagine it being powerful enough to inspire a teenage girl to go out into a blizzard with wind chills powerful enough to give you frostbite apparently Krampus went to the same fright school as that naked dude from it follows did that's what you get for being deliver a cyst also Krampus doesn't ever actually kill anyone he just takes them to help so my question is why did this guy get to stay in this van when all the other Krampus victims that we soon see get carted off to the underworld feeling like you're safe again when you actually aren't cliche [Music] was that she can't don't crawl this jack-in-the-box thing he's in a box but how what happened Daniel pg-13 or he's getting away hey she's fine she's it turns a few problems it's been over an hour and Beth's parents are collectively less concerned and they should be Donna's clearly more trusting of Derek than he should be and they let their daughter go blizzard do you think your Hummer could get through this mess this asshole Howard has been complaining the whole movie that Tom and Sarah are rich and her assholes because of it but he owns a Hummer let him out of your sight for one second Oh shotgun wedding shotgun wedding I thought she was gonna say freeze to death in a blizzard the glass is punched in then I guess Krampus broke through the windshield and disintegrated him because the glass wouldn't be that tucked in if Krampus pulled him out through the windshield Mary used to fight over who got to play sir remember when movies built expositional dialogue into dialogue that simultaneously moved the plot forward instead of just lazily throwing in some lines about the past I don't I read somewhere that over 350 million Rubik's cubes have been sold over the years and I think 175 million of them were sold to be movie props probably just squirrels in this weather well if they're hearing sounds directly above them then the squirrels probably just found their way inside to keep warm you know since there is a second floor and an attic between them and the roof right now making it impossible to actually hear anything happening on the roof at that volume see squirrels Sara says this instead of what the actual was that had to be playing with their nuts oh he decides that she's going to sacrifice her own face to see what's going on inside the chimney I guess because Derek's family didn't have a German grandma they got abducted by Krampus in record time too bad we aren't following Derek's family or we could be done by now mostly a gas line blew you know the gas lines that run up the middle of the chimney and also blow directionally that's one of them even though Howard's legs were bitten by a monster and he was pulled under the snow apparently all he got out of that were some minor injuries wait so Tom here's his daughter screaming bloody murder and instead of staying out here until he finds her he hobbles back to his house with his brother-in-law that he hates so that he can bandage his flesh wound Linda pulls out her seasonal swearing this time of year and they teach you how to make peppermint schnapps I know they're just trying to show that she's unfit to be around children but there's no way she's going to actually show them how to make peppermint schnapps without a working stove to melt some sugar and peppermint to mix with a bottle of vodka all right but don't you rat me out underage drinking she wasn't it Derek's but that doesn't mean anything yes it does it means she's probably dead damn near frostbite in under 4 minutes this is more evidence for the Thomases parent for letting Beth leave column back when Howard handed Tom this gun he didn't give him any more ammo and when Howard got attacked by the Gopher from Caddyshack Tom fired up two rounds so where the hell did these extra rounds come from you got best bet is to stay put board up all the doors and windows let my daughter freeze to death but if she somehow can make it back to the house she'll have no way of getting in it's the perfect plan okay Jesus just I almost forgot there's an unsupervised baby in the house one that stayed relatively quiet during this whole exchange that's never a good sign if you've already had a rough slightly disturbing Christmas Eve the last thing you need to watch are those creepy rankin/bass claymation Christmas movies Tom has such a large quantity of scrap wood lying around his house he could cover up all the doors and windows with it I don't think Tom has actually looked through those binoculars yet or he would clearly be able to see you that he can't see through the drapes as more of these snowmen appear I'm starting to suspect that Krampus is actually just Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes she always gets all weird on Christmas I can buy her not telling her son what actually happened to her family but I find it hard to believe she didn't make up a more feasible story that would still take place around Christmastime explaining her weird behavior grandma who told these assholes to keep the fire going trusted everyone in this horrible family to do that Krampus his plan for child abduction relies on them not being in their bedrooms but being light sleepers and downstairs within view of the fireplace Ruby steals its gingerbread man from Trek no one else in the living room wakes up during this madness the Christmas tradition of putting a dead highly flammable pine tree in your living room that tiny-ass fire extinguisher is going to put out that large fire since I'm a strict grandma waited for to death to finally say something about the wonderful world of Krampus Tom what you think are these parents not going to go outside and see what happened to their kid just comes for us all grandma plays the pronoun game in German which is somehow less fun than the English pronoun game please listen o me suddenly knows English well enough to walk us through her backstory this Christmas was darker less cheerful and snowflakes came down as if the whole world was a microscope only outsource for flashbacks to Tim Burton it was Krampus roll credits that Krampus didn't take me sit night so this is the story of grandma UMI's parents getting pulled into the underworld because she wished for it to happen my question now is why is Krampus currently killing DHL guys and other randoms on the street if the reason he's here is because of max complaining about his family evil Santa jesus H Almighty uh you did see your kid get dragged up a chimney right I'm hitting Howie back a little late for that right you waited through the whole story to think about going out to get your son Christmas jealous towles oh he goes back to exclusively German and no one is pissed off about that even though she proved that she can speak English moments earlier how does I'm old enough to know when a life is coming at you with his pants down I feel like having its pants down would give you the upper hand or at least the upper pants even after all this insane has gone down only now is Linda becoming suspicious of the unmarked presence that showed up less than 24 hours ago you just want to get these rewrapped for the kids these presents survived the fire enough to just require some rewrapping damnit I must have slept through the rest of the movie and gremlins started playing wait it didn't that's just what is happening in the movie someone owes Spielberg an explanation Beth you up there where have you been I know these girls don't see their cousin often and they aren't super bright but any kid knows not to follow a creepy voice that's clearly not your cousin into the Attic I think all this might be my fault no subtitles so I can only assume she said yes it's definitely your fault thanks for killing all of us Howard decides to leave max Oh me Dorothy and a baby in the living room defenseless while he goes and investigates other noises because the movie decided we need to congruent action sequences pointing a loaded gun with your finger on the trigger around a room that might contain you're frightened hiding nieces this thing is definitely terrifying but what are all these teeth for if it swallows kids hole I'm sure this is just a funny joke and I laughed at it like a moron but this asshole bothers to wipe his chin after a meal movie ignores two fundamental facts about nail guns they require compressed air and the nose must be pushed in for it to fire convenient giant wood cutting board is convenient excessive licking also demon baby Frenchie even though this robot is stabbing Tom multiple times in the back Tom will continue on like he didn't get stabbed multiple times in the back [Music] penis ex machina also Howard's dog is able to approach and eat the last gingerbread man hardly making a sound this doll size creature is able to hang a full sized human woman with the power of flight and Christmas lights that bear is an extremely ineffective minion that jack-in-the-box can eat a whole person the owl doll can get created with Christmas lights and all the damn bear can do is barely fight Linda's arm instead of sneaking up on der clown with the axe Linda decides to let it know she's coming up behind it giving it time to get away kit assumes after hours of ass-kicking from Krampus that this dog who is now dead by the way will make a difference evil third clown jack-in-the-box makes in a school sound cat and Rosie will be waste time on an invisible fight between der clown and der dog der clown inexplicably waits to do anything to these people while they all try to remove the Allen doll movie suddenly got a troll to vibe that I'm sure is an accident when everyone is sorry that we need to make a break for it well don't run too fast you might get a crevasse not only does Krampus have evil powers that cause power to sort of come back but he also has ironic powers because up on the housetop starts playing can't you just go through the big gaping hole that the elves made when they crashed through the front window the window oh sure now you think about it but now your kid is gonna stop you from going in there because you're too slow to think of it Krampus continues coming down the chimney even though he certainly knows all the people he wants to kill just left well I guess grandma did her duty as a distraction but I still can't figure out why this asshole even bothered with her movie realizes it didn't kill off characters fast enough during the duration of the movie so it spends the last 10 minutes killing everyone else without them putting up a fight winter tremors Tom shoots that gopher demon with his new shotgun that suddenly has infinite shotgun shells the snowplow isn't covered in feet of snow and I knew you could just make characters you wanted to kill off just vanish into the ground I could have made a successful career writing horror movies you don't have to be creative yeah yeah it's a car won't start cliche but I'm wondering how this kid manages to reach the gas pedals this kid is also fluent in German and he's an asshole I don't know where he finds all the time to know this you don't even know how to drive a car you're 10 wait does the ripoff of trimmers kill Krampus his henchmen do littering why are any of them still there they did what they came to do maybe the screenwriter convince him to stay because max wanted to renege on his deal that's racist at first I thought Krampus was a principal demon punishing kids who were bad and forgot what it meant to have Christmas spirit yeah his methods are a little extreme but he had a purpose now that max has clearly learned his lesson and Krampus just throws him into hell anyway I'm starting to think he's no better than an internet troll you know who you are it was all a dream or was it cliche they all seemed pretty pumped but if my version of Helen was getting to spend a nice Christmas morning with my family inside of a snow globe I'd probably take it got a hand it to this movie for an ending that makes you think it was all a dream then pulls back and makes you realize it's not only real but it's got a pretty poetic kind of ending they're all just in that snow globe forever and ever I like that ending it's not happy it's got to say though this is a lot of missing people happening around Christmas that no one ever asked questions about feels like Krampus would be more of a known evil entity if he's got so many families trapped in snow globes all the creatures show up for one last lunch at the camera for some reason I guess they see the unseen audience but two Krampus this has to be pretty unusual behavior to see his minions just lunge towards something for no reason buzz what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you as for Nicodemus they must move your house to the Lee of the stone that's why you always leave a note but now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson and that he saved me I don't even have a picture of him he exists now only in my memory [Music] Oh baby [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,883,509

Rating: 4.8470602 out of 5

Keywords: krampus, everything wrong with, eww, cinemasins, cinema sins, review, krampus review, mistakes

Id: 9Y3W_VMn_Ns

Length: 16min 5sec (965 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 01 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/Jellysound]

Becoming an Eagle Scout is pretty hard and not something they should laugh about.

He should have much better surviving a blizzard instincts though....

[u/K-Far]

I like Pepsi better. Fight me.

[u/a_random_username]

Just going to point out that that type of nail gun doesn't require compressed air.

It DOES require the front plunger to be depressed before it shoots a nail, however.

Also, nails shot from a nail gun (either the type shown or the old-fashioned compressed-air type) don't really make good weapons. They're nearly impossible to aim, they don't fly well (they tend to tumble)... and after a few feet they won't even penetrate skin.

Here's a video showing this in action

[u/sfitz0076]

I was about to throw something at my TV when that kid woke up at the end. Glad to see the people who made this movie didn't puss out and make a happy ending.

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Abe Lincoln VS The Krampus...that's actually not a bad idea.

[u/Castriff]

"Noodle Incident?" How dare they take Calvin & Hobbes in vain?

[u/sfitz0076]

A Krampus/Gremlins double feature on Christmas would be a fun idea.

[u/Trebacca]

I'm really excited to watch this later. It's probably my favorite holiday movie atm.

[u/nick2go]

Sure, it was a stupid movie, but I sure enjoyed it.