Everything Wrong With German Tanks

this video is proudly sponsored by the good people over at discord yes that free chat service for gamers create your own free discord server today where you can talk to your friends or failing that your mother or something or you could just join mine a link to it you'll find below right here's everything wrong with German tanks a vast subject I agree but one that I've expressed to compress into a small enough video so here we go well firstly and put simply their guns well they're too big aren't they like this one here you see guns are like haircuts they need to be short and well maintained otherwise they just get in the way why you only have to look at one of the many documentary films out there such as Kelly's heroes to see something like this yes now here's a tiger and he's about to fall victim to his own oversized gun why yes our plucky heroes of court gerry with his pants down once again but oh dear they've loaded paint and done up the back of that tiger like the fourth bridge it's at this point that the tiger attempts to traverse his tote in order to return fire but alas his vast codpiece of apparel is just too big and so faced with this predicament this commander attempts to pop off out to the shops to pick himself up a two pounder gun made by a british armory but not on clint eastwood's watch as he brutally guns him down rather deservedly i think now on to Exhibit B with some more historical footage and look it's another Tiger notice how they can't face their turret forwards for fear of damaging the gun on something no no no this simply wouldn't do in a combat situation whereas in this historical archive footage this British tank has no such trouble in fact the trees positively fly off the tank yes in a realistic normal everyday physics way nothing wrong here anyway this all allows for faster traversing of rough terrain and is yet another reason to keep your gun short now the second thing that's really wrong with German tanks is that they're all too bloody fast this Panther tank here for example will do 55 kilometres an hour now I don't know how fast that is but it'll do 35 miles an hour now that's too fast especially for the infantry I mean it's almost as if Jerry designed his tanks expecting his infantry to be motorised or something no no that wouldn't do ah yes now this is more like it this is a Churchill The Walking man's tank the top speed 15 good old-fashioned British miles in an hour this beauty Oh wouldn't hang on any second now this nope too early aha this beauty wouldn't do 35 miles an hour if you pushed it off a cliff which means the average highly-trained British soldier can joke comfortably alongside you all the way to Berlin and before any Germans in the audience right in to complain that I'm not being fair and that the Cromwell is just as fast as the Panther I'll have you know that the Cromwell had its speed limited to 32 miles an hour just in case it was too fast and that wasn't just because at 40 miles an hour it was so uncomfortable the men inside couldn't take it it was for a variety of other reasons like sportsmanship and fair play yes good you can't have a tank that fast it wouldn't be fair which is precisely my point now moving on to the third thing that's wrong with those jumped-up tractors the Germans like to call their Panzers is that they're too big look at the size of that one you wouldn't get that through a Belgian forest why all you have to do is simply compare this giant German Panzer to an equally capable British design to see there's a problem yes these tanks all have enormous silhouettes making them easily targetable by our more sleek and lower profile types and that's if the RAF doesn't see them off first yes badly designed tanks that are this big are even easier to spot in our aircraft speaking of big design heavy tanks how's your treasure doing ah well you see that's completely different we have air superiority we can build them as big as we like say you're not German are you nope I'm Austrian some pro-russian tendencies most people know me as military solution alized I cover military history with an analytically and right moving on I mean you can check his channel out if you like put our fancy he won't be uploading very much anymore not in the state he's in not after that right moving on now another thing that's wrong with German tanks is that they stay in service for too long now you see a good old-fashioned British tank has what's known as a service life it gets built it sees combat it dies or breaks down or gets left in France or all three which ensures that our boys left with the latest up-to-the-minute state of the art kit at all times whereas the Germans by contrast well they just don't get it they keep their tanks in service for years I mean by the time it comes to fighting our lads in our cutting-edge designs almost half of adults lot are still trotting around in old scoters they captured years ago and since we the British are champion of fair play and decency we think it makes for a rather poor sport to shoot at the enemy when they're playing at such a decisive disadvantage enemy tank spotted gonna open fire please sure sir doesn't seem fair to me I mean it's so old and finally on to our last point German tanks have very silly names like the noids link all that design classic the sitka foots 2/3 4/4 I mean half of them are named after bloody animals for heaven's sake Tigers Panthers elephants it's just silly really such names don't really strike fear into the hearts of their enemies do they not like the Valentine or the tor toys which granted is technically an animal but what an animal they live for a hundred and fifty years you know and what's this excuse me the dickermax oh well now they're just taking the piss what does dickermax even mean I'll tell you what it means it means nothing nothing at all to me because I don't speak German because we won the bloody war because we know how to name a tank well we invented them didn't we and so there's everything wrong with German tanks I would go on but alas I fear I don't even rage myself further and shout more and there's only so much my voice can probably take and so on that note I sincerely hope you enjoyed this video if you did please do specially like via carrier pigeon the last video got 14,000 of them so it's a miracle you've got any left really and if you haven't well just go to London or something you'll be swarmed by the bastards anyway I'd also like to think not just one but all of the people out there who are supporting the channel over on patreon today who is the way that YouTube's been going lately with its distaste for anything war ii have been magnificent I tell you try having 168 videos all with the word war in the title it's hilarious and you a cheerio [Music] by [Music]

Channel: Squire

Views: 1,772,316

Rating: 4.5169077 out of 5

Keywords: War Thunder, War Thunder Tanks, War Thunder Gameplay, War Thunder Ground forces, War Thunder British, War Thunder funny, Comedy, British, Everything wrong with German tanks, German tanks

Id: 3nEUyfRSL8k

Length: 10min 6sec (606 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 17 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/LiamTheCarGuy]

Yessssssssss I love watching Squire’s videos!

[u/oofmydud]

I love the king tiger though