EP 92 | The Sin of Gossip | Redeeming Truth: Touchy Subjects

[Music] well welcome to another episode of the redeeming truth podcast my name is kyle i'm one of the pastors here at redeemer and i am here with john who is our lead pastor and we wanted to talk today about a a sin issue a topic that is one of these things that is often misunderstood everybody claims to hate but pretty much everybody in the church participates in and that is the uh the sin of gossip uh and on the flip side of that we have kind of the the more malicious uh intended side of it which is slander so these these two uh ideas of gossip and slander and these are are kind of issues that we're constantly dealing with in counseling and in discipleship with people in in problems and struggles with with uh with members of the church with with uh interpersonal things on even on our team at times and so it's it's something that i believe that that all of us struggle with all of us uh get involved with at times sometimes inadvertently but it does happen and so what we wanted to do is have what we hope to be a helpful uh shepherding discussion about what these sins actually are and the damages that result from them so john in a pastor meeting several weeks ago we this discussion came up just as we were talking through some theology and looking for wisdom on how to not only identify these things but how to deal with them you gave us some really helpful working definitions for both gossip and slander and i i really would love it if you would share that with us yeah thanks kyle we were um discussing how to handle gossip when when it shows up in our church when it's presented to us as pastors what are we supposed to do with that and so gossip is a negative report about someone that's either true or false so it's a report given to somebody else that is negative about a person that's not there and it's that negative report could be very true or it could be false that would be gossip and then slander like you said is that negative report with the added benefit or added maliciousness of being um the motive being to damage the person to damage their reputation to damage uh a person's view of of the person again who's not there to defend themselves who's not there to give their side of the story it's often it's almost always presented as factual as objective as neutral but because that other person is not there to defend themselves you're you're left with what you have which is gossip or slander yeah and you know i think this is one of those easy roads to go down where um we very innocently sometimes just in in the course of a conversation somebody comes up or or a situation comes up and and and we want to be informed and we want to help people be informed and so sometimes these uh these tidbits of information can come up and and you know just kind of in in surveying uh some some bible passages uh earlier today you know we're looking at what what do these things mean even from a biblical perspective and gossip and being a gossiper is this idea of providing uh morsels of information this these little nuggets of information and and doing so in whispers so it's this idea of no we're not doing it boldly in public you know it's like hey did you hear about so and so or you know we're just yeah you know this guy or that person or this situation i mean i probably know a little bit i could share with you and the proverbs talk about this uh in multiple places as these little tidbits of of morsels they're they're like tasty little tidbits that go deep into us and take root you know it's that that that film inception the idea of the the most dangerous thing in the world is an idea you know and these these little ideas take root and then they grow and they grow into uh speculation and even more what could be false information that then gets shared with other people and so um what are some of the some of your the things that you've run into and some of your kind of practical uh thoughts for either addressing your own heart or if for anyone who's watching you walk into a situation and somebody offers information or offers to share information with you like what should the alarm bells be yeah so let me back up and and say that we live at a time when this is going to be much and this is going to be more and more prevalent if you look at romans chapter 1 and the degradation of a society the the final giving over of a culture is god does in romans 1 28 is to give over to a depraved mind now and i want you to listen to the description of what will it look like in a culture when the depraved mind has taken over so romans 1 28 since they did not see fit to acknowledge god god gave them up to a debased mind to do what not not to be done well what are those things they were filled with all manner of unrighteousness evil covetousness malice they're full of envy murder strife deceit maliciousness they are gossips slanderers haters of god insolent haughty boastful inventors of evil disobedience appearance this right now two things i want to i want to focus on first is this all of those sins are relational if you go do a deep dive into this you find that most if not all of those sins that were listed there are relational sins envy murder strife covetousness gossip disobedient to parents they're all relational number one number two if we've been given over to the debased mind then our culture will reflect these things so question does our culture reflect these things 100 absolutely i think it's accurate yeah twitter is a cesspool of this stuff third because our culture is dominated by these things and all of us swim and live in this culture this is going to be the way that we interact even as christians if we are not careful so it's not just like i i'm i can passively look out for these things i have to actively not do these things because this is what's infiltrating the church yeah this is what's infiltrating this is what's influencing the entire context that we all live in the culture the society this debased mind which works itself out in these ways this is the air that we breathe yeah and so because of that it's not a surprise it shouldn't be a surprise that christians participate in this um in this behavior because this is the air that we breathe number one but that's number three number four this is something because this is the culture that we live in the air that we breathe we have to really be on guard against these things yeah and so because this is the culture that we live in how should we respond well i guess when when this so you ask me when this comes up to you like when gossip is presented to you what is it that you're supposed to think well proverbs tells you proverbs gives you wisdom for understanding the context that you find yourself in so when somebody says drops gossip to you and remember gossip is it could be a true report it could be a false report it's just information that is presented or even exists in a negative light that is about somebody who's not there to defend themselves right right and so what what proverbs does is it gives you discernment it gives you wisdom and gives you insight into the situation that you find yourself and so when proverbs 10 18 says whoever utters slander is a fool what we do is we read that and go well i don't want to be a fool so i don't want to slander people proverbs that's not what proverbs is doing only proverbs is also saying when you hear someone dropping gossip to you you know that person's a fool so it's giving you discernment to go okay that person's a fool they just did that so now i know what kind of person this is they're a fool there's someone i shouldn't trust here's another one proverbs 11 13. whoever goes about slanders slandering reveals secrets but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered so not only does it say to you okay there's a difference between um those who slander and those who and you know i can slander people or i'm trustworthy but what it does is it says okay by you slandering what that action tells me is i should not trust you yeah i should automatically not trust you because you just did not only are you foolish according to the first one but now you're untrustworthy because you've just done an action that proves from the pro gives me a piece of wisdom to understand you or to understand this situation and that is you're not trustworthy i can't trust you so the flesh is telling us this person is handing me tasty morsels of information that in the moment are gonna feel good and are gonna feel like oh man this is it's good for me to know this that way i can lend my wisdom to it when in reality proverbs is telling you that's an identifier of somebody who's acting like a worldly fool and not like a wise christian exactly and so now i should be on guard with you now i should i should i should not jump into this with you i should actually pull myself away from you yeah because of the behavior that that's what proverbs is doing it's it's giving us discernment and saying if you if you want to understand people and you want to understand situations have this wisdom and then walk into those situations with this in mind and you'll be able to understand who are the people that i should be close to who are the people i should watch out for all of those or situations yeah so there's one more proverb 16 28 a dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends so you've got okay watch out for for gossip because it separates people but but what it's doing is it's saying to you do you know people that have a lot of conflict in their lives do you know people that that that were had close friends but those those relationships have been destroyed chances are there's going to be gossip and slander within those relationships that cause that so again it's giving the kind of framework to understand people and situations in order to live a life that god goes hey good job yeah that's that's the goal of wisdom that god looks at your life and says hey you're doing you're doing things the right way yeah now there's kind of a hinge pin verse in the proverbs it's on your sheet i see it um that connects gossip and slander and it's proverbs 20 verse 19. it says he who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets therefore do not associate with a gossip and i think it's there's this interesting interplay here where we're talking about the intent of slander and what it produces in in revealing secrets rather than the christians mentality of protecting and preserving others love covering a multitude of sins and doing good to all men therefore don't even get into gossip like slander is here therefore to protect yourself from this like don't even go into this and i think that's a wonderful connection point here yeah and you don't want to miss the miss the the advice that proverbs gives in that passage so if i've if i've determined that the person i'm talking to is a fool and not trustworthy what does proverbs tell me to do in response to that well proverbs 20 19 says do not associate with that person yeah do not get into a close association with that person don't interact with them that it is it is going to be dangerous for you because you're going to be the one who's going to be on the opposite side of the slander you're going to be the one on the opposite side of the conflict in the relationship so be very careful um that proverbs 26 20. for lack of wood a fire goes out and where there is no whisper quarreling ceases and so again not only disassociate yourself from it but if you're able remove the gossip from your midst the gossiper the slander from your midst this is what happens when i it i mean many of us grew up yeah high school you would i don't know about you but i would often say to myself okay if that person is saying those things to me about that person about person c what are they saying about me when i'm not there right yeah like how are they talking about me and that's that's part of the idea it's giving you that kind of wisdom to go okay these are the people that i should be close to these are the people that i should protect myself from and and like proverbs 26 20 if i'm able to like i need to i need to remove them from my life i need to remove them from from my job i need to remove them from my friend group like that would be the wise thing to do and then and then the last thing is is psalm 141 3 where it says set a guard o lord over my mouth keep watch over the door of my lips so if i'm looking at myself and going i have a problem with this then then that should be a prayer that i'm praying on a regular basis father help me to guard my mouth from gossip and slander help me to guard my mouth protect me from becoming a fool protect me from advancing foolishness protect me from being untrustworthy with my lips so help me to keep a watch over my mouth yeah and then one one last thing so that that's that's how you should respond you should know okay this person i shouldn't associate with i should remove them if i can um i should pray for to keep a watch over my own mouth but but listen to psalm 101 5. this is what god does to the slander he says whoever slanders his neighbor secretly i will destroy whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart i will not endure so god is very clear he does not this is not something that he thinks is just not a big deal he notice those words i will not endure them i will not put up with them and i will destroy them so i i don't know about you i i don't want to be on the other side other side of god when he's saying if you do that behavior this is what i'm going to do to you yeah i don't want to be against him in those ways so i think a helpful place to to to look at um not only the the the damage from the tiny little muscle that is our tongue uh can cause is james three right james talks about uh see what a great fire is set ablaze just from from a few words that come from your tongue you can cause so much damage we want to ask the question when has gossip or slander ever produced righteousness like just ask yourself that practical question where i've been involved in hearing information or sharing information or or even uh you know um being the the propagator of that information thinking well i want to protect people or this and that and it ends up becoming the fruits of unrighteousness we see this in james 3 13 and following it says who among you is wise and understanding let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom now wisdom is living out the proverbs it's living out biblical truth in the way that we should but if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth so there's the diagnosis do you have bitter jealousy against the people that you're talking about or selfish ambition to put yourself in the position of moral authority or superiority over that person this is wisdom that is not from above but which comes down or which does not come down from above but that is earthly natural and demonic and i did a little breakdown study of this in my own study and what i ended up walking away with is this is the behavior of demons this is the behavior of satan and when christians act that way instead of representing our king we're representing theirs we're doing the work of demons when we have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in our hearts and we use our words to uh to to basically step on other people to advance our our our own image in the view of other people so the flip side then is verse 16 for where jealousy and selfish ambition exists there's disorder that's not the flip side yet but this is the result there is disorder in every evil thing so just like we saw characterized in romans 1 that's what we're going to see in society disorder in every evil thing but verse 17 but the wisdom from above is first pure then peaceable then gentle reasonable full of mercy and good fruits unwavering without hypocrisy and the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace and so what we see in here again is wisdom from above is pure the so the intentions are to serve and honor god it's peaceable it's not meant to go to war it's gentle and reasonable so you're not looking to damage other people it's full of mercy even if there is information you need to share you cover it like the proverb said uh it's unwavering so you're not going to fold under people questioning you uh and you're not going to live a hip a life of a hypocrite because you you are claiming these things but you're actually doing what the previous verses say um and so just really such helpful practical information and and teaching right here wisdom from james 3 about when somebody presents gossip or even somebody comes at you with no this guy is this you need to blah blah blah this is how our hearts are to respond the diagnosis of do i have bitter jealousy selfish ambition am i going to use this for my own good or am i going to use it for theirs yeah and that's we don't want to people to hear that there's never an appropriate time to give a negative report about a person that was going to be my next question for you yeah yeah because at the end of the day there are dangerous people that people need to be protected from and so what you said was was or what really james said it was critical it's the jealousy and the selfish ambition is that where this these negative reports are coming from what is the motive behind why i'm doing this and would i be willing to say this to their face or have i said these things to their face or have i only said it behind their backs it's those kinds of things where have has this been confronted in the past and it has been ignored you know over and over those kinds of things play into this there's an example of this actually in nehemiah chapter 6 that i want to read because there's a great response so when somebody gives when somebody uh spreads gossip or seeks to spread gossip to you how should you respond i think this is a great one this is nehemiah 6 5-8 it says in the same way sand ballot for the fifth time sent his servant to me with an open letter in his hand and it is written it is reported among the nations and geshem also says it that you and the jews intend to rebel that is why you're that's why you're building the wall and according to those reports you wish to become their king and you've also set up prophets to proclaim concerning you in jerusalem there's a king in judah and now the king will hear of these reports so now come and let us take counsel together now this is the key part that's all gossip those are all lies all made up then i said to him saying no such thing as you say have been done for you are inventing them out of your own mind so it is it is important to have a response like that um in your head ready to go when you hear these kinds of things i don't believe that i'm going to choose to trust this person i'm going to choose to believe the best i'm going to if it's serious i'm going to ask them about it but i'm not going to just believe a report because this because negative report gossip and slander i'm going to follow up on this and determine whether or not no such things have been said or being done you've invented them in your own minds so the bottom line i think is that as christians um wanting to be wise wanting to be obedient and honor the lord we do not want to entertain gossip that's just the bottom line and here's one of the most common ways that christians spread gossip it's with the three-word phrase people are saying right people say i've heard saying i've heard people say so what we do is that when people say that to us we either stop them and we say unless you're not willing unless you're willing to say the name i don't care what people are saying unless people are willing to put their name to it it doesn't matter it's cowardly number one or people are saying or did you hear such and such or did you or does this person really believe such and such we just say well come with me and we just go find that person and say hey go say that to this person right now yeah like this is this is something that um that is incredibly damaging to a local church body it's damaging to small groups it's damaging to ministries it's damaging to the whole church and so this is a way for us to love each other and it's a way for us to not in the words of galatians 5 not bite and devour each other so as to tear each other apart so this is love like you said covering a multitude of sins believing the best choosing to trust and recognizing that those who spread gossip are fools and untrustworthy so why am i going to why am i going to give my time to that and then finally oftentimes people are saying that phrase is a way for me to convey information i believe but i don't want to say that i believe yeah right i don't want to put my name on it so the way that i so the way that i convey this idea that i agree with but don't want to say i agree with is to say people are saying you know and so it becomes a very it's it's a very nefarious underhanded way to to try to manipulate people when let's just be people of the truth let's just bridle our tongues right let's speak encouraging words let's speak words that are tempered by the scriptures tempered by sound doctrine and wisdom and let's let's speak the truth yeah let's not be liars let's be um let's not be gossips or slanders let's be people that use the very best kind of words yeah and you you said it i mean the reason we wanted to to record this episode is because uh the the sort of underhanded and uh in a sense backdoor nature of gossip will destroy churches and sometimes it does it it it destroys trust in people it creates division and i want to make something clear that titus 3 uh tell paul is telling titus how to be a pastor in this book and he's saying in titus 3 10 as for the divisive person you're going around spreading slander and gossip if you are dividing people away especially from the shepherds don't trust them this is what they're saying this is what the bible says or man that guy's really not trustworthy his character is in question those are the men who get the fast forward to step four of church discipline they're warned once maybe twice and then you're to have nothing more to do with them and that's exactly what we saw in the proverbs but when it comes to those appropriate times to share a report what could be a negative report really just for some practical wisdom the help in your own heart and mind is to ask those diagnostic questions from james am i doing this for bitter jealousy and selfish ambition to gain uh status for myself is that why i'm sharing this or am i doing this in a biblical manner which is what matthew 18 tells us to do which is to restore people in a spirit of gentleness galatians 6 1 also says the same thing it says if your brother sins you go and you show him his fault in private and if he listens to you you've won your brother that's what should be happening that's right 99 100 of the time that's right but we fear man so much that we go and gain counsel from other people and inadvertently we might have just told 15 other people exactly what this person did when we could have solved it in private and nobody ever needed to know that's right the love covers multitudes that's the love that's the love there but but but john all i was doing was going and asking wisdom to see if i should confront no the bible have the bible the bible have god's spirit living in you yeah you have everything and now you've just revealed what this person did to that person which is gossip and so it can start as an innocent like well i was just trying to be wise no be bold be bold in christ but do so in a loving manner because matthew 18 is all about restoration it says if he does not listen to you take one or two more with you so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed now this doesn't mean you go and share gossip with those people and then get them to come with you it's two or three witnesses to the sin or the event or the circumstance so you go find others who are aware and you say we need to go and out and escalate this you know confrontation to call them to repentance now then if if the person still refuses you tell it to the church so step number one is not to come to a pastor on a sunday morning and say hey people are saying about this guy don't don't care go do step one and two of church discipline first because that will solve 95 of sin issues people will who have the holy spirit in them will feel conviction and they'll repent and great i don't ever need to know john doesn't ever need to know but at this point when they're living in stubborn rebellious sin and they've been confronted by witnesses who are are familiar with the information they haven't been given it in bias now you tell it to the church and that means you bring it to the elders so that we can then know about it understand what's going on pray about it look at scripture and then come to them as shepherds of god's church to bring some level of gravity to the situation which then elevates to removing them from fellowship if they continue in disobedience so as you said and that was a great clarification there are times where it is necessary to hear negative reports but it should all be towards the restoration of the individual in the proper process of church discipline given to leadership and then allowing leadership to handle those things because that's the way that god has designed it and if we follow all of those things and we don't allow our our hearts and our our our flesh to pull us towards those tasty morsels of information we say no no we discipline ourselves to say i don't need to know it's sinful for me to know please take it here or i'm not involved i'm not a witness so please don't tell me um i'll be praying for you i'll be praying for the situation and then i think i'll finish with just two verses that i think are really helpful to kind of anchor our how should we just in general think and it's galatian 6 10 says do good to all men especially to those of the household of faith so how on earth could sharing damaging information with other people who are uninvolved be doing good to the household of faith or those members of the household of faith and then finally is romans 12 10 which has kind of become you know a theme verse for us you know as as leaders and on this podcast is be devoted to one another in brotherly love and you do not tarry your brother that you love down you you do everything to cover their mistakes and their sins not to hide but to protect them from the slander and scorn of the world around them and to restore them in gentleness and then it says give preference to one another in honor or there's another translation that says outdo one another in showing honor to each other and so when we're presented with this ask the questions am i doing good to the household of faith by hearing and receiving this am i out doing my brother in showing honor by believing it and so i think those things when we take those things to heart when we're talking about gossip and slander and being presented with that information or even finding ourselves participating and immediately stopping to repent and backtrack those are some good guide verses yeah kyle i think this is a really critical episode um because this because like i started out with it is common to see this kind of behavior in the world yeah and if we're not careful we will parrot the world we will become like the context that we find ourselves in if we're not actively anti-cultural counter-cultural if we're not doing that if if we're not being consistently constantly bathed in scripture then we're going to just become like the world we're going to swim we're going to float downstream instead of swim upstream on the culture and so because of this it is it is imperative that we are solid here that we are we are preferring to love our brothers and sisters in the church um over our own overseeing what we see in the culture and saying no this is i'm not going to respond that way i'm going to respond in the way that the scriptures tell me to i'm not going to give into these kinds of things but i'm going to trust that if i do things biblically it's going to work out in the end yeah and so that's that's really the bottom line is that we simply just do what we're told in the bible when it comes to these things yeah there's a great analogy in first corinthians 9 of paul you know talking about buffeting his body and and punishing his flesh into submission really be it's this boxing analogy of like punching himself into submission because if we're not careful uh our flesh will just take over and we'll like you said float downstream with the world this is an active rebellion against the flesh and so as paul's like i'm i'm gonna buff at my body and make it my slave i'm gonna beat myself into submission so when these things happen we can't just passively allow them to happen you gotta be able to recognize them in the moment and actively put on the spirit and live according to his word and you do so by recalling scripture speaking it in the moment and then putting it into practice and it feels completely unnatural in the moment because your flesh nature is dragging you one direction and so you're fighting the other direction but the more you do it the more discipline you give yourself just like you know running a marathon you can't go out and run 26.2 miles but you can go out maybe run half a mile and then a mile and then five miles and then ten so it gets easier and it becomes more and more part of your nature the more you practice this so that's what we want to see at redeemer we want everyone to be growing in godliness and brotherly affection and love for each other we want you to understand the the role and the freedom to exercise matthew 18 in love in each other's life when you see sin that is unrepentant then confronted in each other in love and as you know gather the group of witnesses as you need bring it to the church elders as you need in the process and trust then that god will accomplish the the work of salvation or transformation of sanctification through that process as necessary but we don't want that to be the default attitude behind the building behind the scenes in all of our little backroom talk we want that to be covering sin building each other up in love and growing in christ-likeness yeah one last thing just remember nehemiah 6 8 and memorize it um no such things as you say have been done for you are inventing them out of your own mind and nine out of 10 gossip slander situations are exactly that yeah uh so keep that in mind we're not dealing with a nine out of ten are true we're dealing with a nine out of ten are invented for selfish motive so be wise keep that biblical lens on memorize nehemiah 6 8 and some of these others we've talked about i hope this episode has been helpful for you this is one that's been heavy on the hearts of the leadership we love you all and we hope that god will continue to grow you in godliness thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: Redeemer Bible Church AZ

Views: 13,895

Keywords: the sin of gossip, the redeeming truth podcast, redeeming truth, Jesus, Bible, Redeemer Bible Church, Arizona, Gilbert, Mesa, Bible Church, Truth, Understanding, God, Sound Doctrine, Gilbert Arizona, Church, local church, biblical preaching, Gospel centered, kyle swanson, jon benzinger, touchy subjects, slander, gossip, rbc, redeemer bible church, sound doctrine, teh sin of gossip, how to deal with gossip, biblical view of gossip, christian view of gossip, gilbert, mesa, chandler, arizona

Id: 91urUwYZWec

Length: 34min 13sec (2053 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 13 2022