Ellie's Skater Story

welcome to skater stories where we are asking members of our skate Community to share their story of why they started roller skating to inspire others I'm Mel owner of roller girl gang I'm passionate roller skater today's skater story is shared by Ellie I'll hand you over to Ellie to introduce herself and tell you more recording um so I am being joined by lovely Ellie hi Ellie nice no nice to see you and I think you said that actually it's been a really long time since we've had a chat on Zoom yes we can definitely lock down times but we have actually seen each other in real life and what Snapchats and things yeah all the time so yeah it feels a bit weird introducing you because you're my friend but I'm just gonna actually just hand over to you and and say like just tell us a bit about yourself and your journey like what brought you into roller skating in the first place yeah so I'm Ellie I'm 35 um I have been roller skating properly since about 2018 so coming into my fifth year um I um what brought me into roller skating is quite it's quite an unusual entry until roller skating I think um I was an impatient in a psychiatric hospital in a in York um I'd been sent there for a year um I'm not from York so I was away from home I was having to challenge a lot of difficult things thoughts feelings behaviors um I have I'm someone with a very long history of complex mental health problems a lot of self-harming behavior and didn't really look after my body or my well-being at all um and I was actually kind of nearing the end of being there actually I think I think I was probably about eight months in and I was there for a year um when um a friend that I'd made in York through um hula hooping which was something that I did beforehand was like would you like to come to the roller disco that I sometimes go to on a Friday and I was like yeah that sounds pretty cool and so I went along to this roller disco and brought a couple of other girls from the unit that I was on and we just loved it but like bear in mind we had been either we were allowed out we were largely stuck in a psychiatric hospital like most of our time and had been in hospital much longer before we'd got into this hospital um so the feeling of like whizzing rounds it albeit quite wobbly whizzing around um a school hall on rolls Gates was just like wow this is like this is this is freedom this is something else um and so um we managed to get how like I think that was the Friday and I think by Sunday we'd managed to get hold of some roller skates or rollerblades like something on Wheels um and um we had access to like a kind of school hall type thing in the hospital and we would go up there like every single evening after we had a lot of groups it was nine till six groups so like long time long intense groups really intense groups and we might have all been at each other's throats or arguing or like all sorts but we came at the end of the day and put our skates on in this Hall and just like I don't know just skated all the stuff away like um skated the day away and like it just became something that was like and we'd put the music on and we just should we just lose ourselves in it um it just became something really important for us getting through the day and I started um realizing that actually I was learning quite quickly and I was like wow my body can actually do some stuff if I if I leave it alone and I don't hurt it yeah you can actually do some stuff and I think that was the first time ever that I'd appreciated my body for what it what it was because I've spent years starving it hurting it like just hating having a body full stop and suddenly like I needed I needed a body to do this like it's very very important to have a body to escape with um so it really started bringing a new relationship with myself um and then yeah I had quite a chaotic time after I left the hospital I was homeless for quite a while um so I didn't have my skates around but um about just less than a year later in 2018 I kind of like I retook up skating and I would go to the park at like 5 30 in the morning where no one saw me um and and like diligently practiced my skating and I had these like I just wanted to be able to flow in the same way that I did with the hoop on skates I couldn't at the time but that was where I wanted to go and then I I kind of was quite sad because I didn't have anyone to skate with him in Sheffield where I'm from um because I'd skated with people in York and I was trying to find people to skate with and I came across at the time chicks in bowls um Yorkshire and um some of them invited me along to the skate park which I'd never considered as a place I would ever go in my lifetime um from day one I was absolutely hooked this is what I this is what I needed this is this thing that had been missing in my life I need a I need a level of risk in my life I've found out um and I was getting that through you know like inappropriate self defeated behavior self-harm um all that sort of stuff and here was like a socially acceptable way of having a bit of a risk in my life um and then my body was able to do these things that I didn't even know existed like I could do a handsome and roller skates on I could took myself off 10 foot high the ramp and still remain upright I could like jump over boxes like it was just it was just so different and then also it opened up for Social Circles like that I didn't have before before all my friends were from mental health facilities like and we kind of that's really useful we were very stuck in our own little world and it gave me a whole new set of social people it gave me like that thrill of learning I'm a teacher by by Nature I'm qualified as a teacher so I fairly quickly ended up sort of teaching others and it changed my life I'm not being melodramatic when I say it changed and it saved my life it did save my life I wouldn't be hitting out roller skating that's like but the as you've been talking about your story I like I can feel the energy just almost like coming out of you in absolutely waves of positivity and you're just like proper beaming at the memories I can I can relive the moment where you chucked yourself off a ten foot ramp and remain not right to tell the tale and I can totally feel you're flying through the air as you like leaping the box I mean I have also seen those videos but I can I can really like feel that energy with you even though I don't actually want to do any of those things but you hearing it from you is just like it's magical it's absolutely magical and and so powerful and like if I wasn't here if I was watching this I'd probably be weeping now just being like Oh my God Ellie that's like it's so amazing so um like you've been through you know have you have you in all your skating especially like that's like you said that you have a level of risk but that's quite high risk and obviously maybe the skatepark is not where you start but it's someone you can continue your journey yes have you had any accidents or or times where you've had to take a break from skating yeah like um I've had a couple of near misses like fortunately fingers crossed which would I haven't had any major major accidents but I've sprained stuff I've had bruises that cover my whole thigh I've I have concussed myself ones with a helmet on so please do wear your helmet in the skate park um because that was with a helmet on so I have had some things and they they've all meant that I maybe needed to take a step back for however long um but also I I do still have ongoing mental health problems and they can have that can have effects an effect on my ability to like function day to day to get out places is um and because because I particularly at the moment is relevant for me I have an eating disorder as well and I've been quite physically unwell for the past year or so and particularly um the towards the tail end of 2022 I I've been really unwell and before I've really sort of put a lot of pressure on myself I think as well because skating does offer me so much and I kind of see it as a way that I do keep myself safe and on track in in my life um it makes me really anxious to not be doing it um but actually like and so I will push to keep skating when I maybe shouldn't be skating or um getting feeling pressure maybe to be involved in like running events or keeping the skates scene going when actually I'm not able to keep myself going um and I think um it's it's a really hard decision that I'm quite reluctant to make but I did I made the decision in like October I think of 2022 that actually I was going to hang up my skates for the rest of the year and that's the first time I've actually done that and that was really what I needed to do because um I I needed time to heal myself physically and mentally from the things that that had gone on I was very unwell um and I don't think I would have been able to do that if I was skating it had gone the stuff had gone beyond skating being a helpful factor in that and actually it was just the way I was kind of punishing myself a little bit maybe like exercising when I hadn't eaten and you know things like that um and and I think I've I've had some periods as well of maybe a bit of disillusionment with Escape Community finding that very stressful and I just needed to take time away from it and that was really hard to do um and I didn't think I'd be able to do it because I haven't been able to do it previously but I am actually really glad that I have and it's interesting actually having this conversation now because we've talked about before we started recording that I haven't actually skated for quite a while now how's this going to be and actually what I'm finding is I'm still really enthusiastic about skating um like it's still there it's still it's still a thing I think I was really worried that if I gave it up for a period of time it'd be gone the skate Community would move on without me um everybody would get better with than me when I wasn't there and actually it doesn't matter it's my journey and my journey might involve I need to take a period of time off skates and that's okay yes and like you having that level of self-awareness is incredible but I like I I do see you as a very self-aware person even if you like like struggle with things that from a day to day I think everybody does but actually I think you've got a higher level of self-awareness than a lot of people have but thank you so much for sharing that I think that's I think this is something that I feel I wouldn't wish my mental health problems or what's happened to me on my worst enemy but on the on the one hand i'm I'm grateful in one sense because it has allowed me to have to spend time getting to know myself and understand myself and I think and and therefore I do have more self-awareness maybe than than your average person who hasn't had to struggle with that um um it still doesn't mean that having that self-awareness means that everything goes away and everything's perfect that's not the case but I think I I do really value being able to have that and I think that's helpful on the skating Journey as well to be able to take a step back sometimes and look at where you are and why you're doing this and um are you being pressured from the wrong thing that sort of that sort of thing yeah definitely because actually it's especially because you're somebody who was skating and you started like as you say before the pandemic in 2018 so that would mean that come 2020 especially like in the summer when we had really lovely weather and skating was starting to see its first kind of boom that people look to people within their City who are already doing what they want to do and kind of start coming to you for advice or support or like how come and then it's like right well let's try and structure this somehow how can we create support networks with it for newer people and help them through and because you have got that like the teaching background you're wanting to make sure that we do this properly let's make sure we actually build from the bottom and support them all the way up so I can totally relate to when you're forced to make a decision like I have to step away from this now almost having that moment of oh my God but if I leave like where is my place is when you're you may be had your identity defined by what I help people through this yeah I don't have that anymore where am I yeah I think that's been a really difficult thing like I was one of only a hand account on one hand the amount of skaters there were in Sheffield pre-pandemic and Skate Park Skate is even less um uh and then suddenly to be in the summer of 2020 and there's like 100 odd people on the Facebook group we created and then 2021 there have been 400 people on that group and and and yeah people looked at me as someone who had been there and knew what was doing and knew about skates if I could give advice and stuff like that and otherwise enjoy doing that it did bring along a pressure that was starting to take away a little bit maybe from my own skating journey and I think that um I'm so grateful that we've got this slice gay community now and it's much bigger and the people have met and Fab and there's more stuff going on and I love it I think it has been really important for me to take this step away that I have done just now to AC that it can carry on without me and be separate my own Journey from the Journey of the city as a whole yeah that's that's the point that's a really huge thing to notice because rather than continuing and maybe eventually ending up resentful that you're like well I'm helping people but actually what are you what am I getting in return and sort of almost seeing it as transactional yeah you're like this isn't for me right now I need to prioritize my health so I'm just stepping back and then you can enjoy other people's progress still from afar but step back into it in a way that you feel comfortable yeah like right for you right I've been off social media for a while as well because I needed to do that in terms of not getting fomo and stuff like that um so I don't I honestly don't know what people have been doing um for the past couple of months but I am quite excited about getting back out there and seeing where people have come in that couple of months is like the new people and people like broke through that stall they were trying to learn I don't know like I am genuinely excited to see where that is um but I think yeah it's nice to be able to do that now without feeling any responsibility or resentment or anything I think it's helped me separate myself a little bit yeah definitely yeah without wrapping up your identity with well I'm this helpful person that does this for this gay community and I think like your story is probably slightly different to other people who I'm I know that I'm trying to because I know I'm talking to a lot of people who are quite early in the roller skate Journey so it's people who've started like this side of the pandemic um or they've had a long Gap and they've got they've returned to it and they're yeah so they're kind of coming back into it very enthusiastic very invigorated um but they're not in a position where they can necessarily offer a whole Community like the level of support that you have been doing so yeah I'm I'm glad you're here I'm very glad you're here I'm very glad that you've you've shared like your story as candidly as you have and like you thank you Ellie I'm just very grateful very great thank you be great to talk about it I know and what like so would you have advice for someone who's like starting now is there any advice that you would give them or a pitfall that you think they should avoid or something they should definitely try I think remembering this is your journey this is not anyone else's Journey this is this is not about getting the best pair of skates you can and all the accessories it's not about hitting that particular trick that you see on Instagram like it's about where it takes you like if if you're happy just skating up and down paths that's fine that's that's that's where you need to be like I'm never gonna be for example a good Jam skater that's just not my jam it's not my jam like I can do a bit but I don't I don't get gripped by it it doesn't uh you won't see me talking so enthusiastically about it I think I put a lot of pressure on myself especially after the pandemic Jam skating was more of a thing it was on Tick Tock and and stuff and I felt myself feeling like I had to do a lot of that and actually that's that's not me um and and that's okay so like is your journey it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing it's your journey perfect thank you so much that was like beautifully said um I can't wait to share your story with everybody thank you man I'm gonna say goodbye and take care and I hope we catch up in real life soon yes thank you for listening to today's skate story I hope you find it as inspiring and uplifting as I did can't wait for the next one foreign [Music]

Channel: Roller Skate with RGG

Views: 123

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Id: g3a_JBQ_ArI

Length: 19min 52sec (1192 seconds)

Published: Wed May 10 2023