Dynasty: The Making of a Guilty Pleasure (2005)

the following dramatization includes time compression and composite and fictionalized characters and incidents [Music] [Applause] let's go [Applause] they're here [Applause] [Music] line from america's favorite television drama he shows that none of us but tonight is more than a chance to see merchandise that will make you look dress smell or dine like the wealthy carringtons it's a chance to meet one she's beautiful [Music] [Applause] [Music] don't you mean when am i going to marry [Music] [Applause] [Music] do i have to go home [Applause] [Music] how are you i'm a writer oh no one important [Music] [Applause] mrs shapiro i can't tell you what an honor it is for us to be hosting the premiere of your merchandising line i have not seen this sort of turnout since well since the beatles do you think alexis should be wearing some chiffon richard where's my husband [Applause] richard let mr shapiro in [ __ ] richie what happened someone please [Applause] [Music] floor [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you [Applause] [Music] look at these kids rich beautiful not a worry in the world that's what we should be writing about uh-huh the trappings of wealth and its effect on the american family what are they going to do when they grow up sue each other over the family fortune it's classic drama it's modern day i claudius this is the new american dream of the 1980s this is what people really want i don't well not you honey you're an artist you don't count you're talking about normal people [Music] are you better off than you were four years ago is it easier for you to go and buy things in the stores than it was four years ago is there more i have seen the numbers but i think when we launch our new fall season abc is going to be right back on top no no you're absolutely right most of our new shows are what you said and that's why we're looking into new concepts new themes for the 80s like what well like uh greed and manipulation and sex and power and vanity but i don't want to ruin the surprise for you but it's going to make dallas look like sesame street but we're just waiting on the script of course of course i'll send it to you the second i get it well thank you sir we needed dallas get spelling why aren't we having a meeting at abc we are the man has five dramas on this season i think it's safe to say that abc stands for erin's broadcasting company thank you right this way please [Music] welcome welcome gentlemen please sit down you know my colleague liz markowitz liz sit down now you're not here to cancel charlie's angels are you no of course not actually we're here to pitch you a television show the network is pitching the producer eric you have arrived you know i don't know if you've seen the program but you must be aware of the phenomenal success of dallas now we've done some research and we think we've come up with something that's more exciting joe what where actually a bigger city than dallas more oil coined by will rogers where the west begins thanks aaron okay fort worth we'll let you know did you know that fort worth has more horse manure per square inch than dallas that's not a recipe for success horrible pitch in however tell me you're not seriously considering this dallas is missing it with their cowboy hats and their bolo ties as an audience you want their money you don't want their lives i'm talking about total wish fulfillment a show with people who own their own football teams and have their own planes their own yachts i always wanted a yacht i know we're in a serious economic crisis you really think that middle america wants to see another show about beautiful rich people yes [Music] [Music] hey how was the meeting incredible how's the script coming percolating well hurry up abc said this is exactly what they're looking for really really greed and wealth they want to know if we can set it in texas apparently they got something for fort worth i'll get it i'll get it you're right you're right you're right hello yes this is esther shapiro uh-huh uh-huh and what would our roles be oh i see no but thank you anyway okay bye who was that that was abc they wanted to know if we were interested in partnering up with aaron's spelling what did you say don't worry i said no oh why because then it would be an errand spelling show darling and um what's wrong with that because this is my show our show and i'm just afraid that somebody's gonna come along and take all the credit and make all the money on our sweat and tears now get back to work when they call back and they're interested in making us equal producers that would be a different conversation how do you know they'll call back because they really need this show and i have all the negotiating power how do you figure because sweetheart how about you [Music] erin can you hear us perfectly vince good we just want to reiterate how happy we are to be working with such a wonderful team of producers and while we're thrilled with the script we do have a few thoughts that we'd like to discuss fire away well first there's the title oil what's wrong with oil joe we tested it with other selections and it came in 50th 50th how many names did you test 50. our idea is joe fort worth it's not being called fort worth thank you this show has nothing to do with texas we're not making a dallas rifle if you call it oil middle america will think you're making a show about people in turban how about dynasty what i didn't hear that couldn't hear either dynasty like the chinese shogun had remarkable numbers shogun was japanese dynasty as in a ruling family a dynasty like the carringtons aaron will middle america get it yes dynasty it is [Music] so um the stephen carrington guy he's gay huh is that a problem for you uh al corley no no i think it's brave to be honest with you i wasn't really interested in playing any of the other characters i just want to make sure that you don't want me to play him you know queenie just read him like a regular guy cool okay uh let's have a look dad you're not listening to me we're not just friends bart is my lover next joe that was the issue you wanted to discuss about the um homosexual character all right i mean how far over is he richard meanie meaning i want to make sure he's not liberace don't worry vince we cast a very masculine guy he played college football and no kissing or hand-holding oh come on this is 1980. you mean we can't show two guys holding hands look before we start shooting you need to know that this isn't some inane soap with beautiful people and beautiful clothes we intend to explore real social issues family issues we see this show as a modern-day eye claudius the hell is i claudius hester we at abc couldn't agree more it's just that some of our sponsors feel uncomfortable with over gestures of homosexuality of course vince good good now who are we getting to play blake hmm once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy but i took them away from all that and now they work for me my name is charlie cut good one john throwing a beard huh no i haven't shaved what's the difference no one's ever gonna see my face on tv again hello oh hold on mr spelling john aaron's spelling for you hello shame he's only doing voiceover that's the best head of hair in the business i'll be right over what was that about i'd better shave thank you thank you thanks for coming in well it won't get sexier than that she's got too much edge crystal is the moral compass of the show she she's got to be pure innocent what did you think honey she strikes me as a type of actress who's going to ask me a lot of questions about her character i don't like talking to actors how'd you like talking to actors richard they're just people i'm not so crazy about people either okay who's next linda evans why do i know that name big valley i never saw it used to be married to that lothario john derek oh well there goes wholesome [Music] wow oh my god amazing energy yeah but oh i'd stay away from leo's if i were you oh that's if you want to have kids linda evans that's me sorry i was uh i was doing her numerology chart brownie you bake brownies it relaxes me i was nervous [Music] [Applause] [Music] and cut can we do that again there's the carringtons two perfect people rich beautiful so wholesome you could vomit i hate them let's hope middle america doesn't agree what do you think kind of cabbie who knows maybe he'll be a hit it better be how does it feel to be the first openly gay character on a prime time drama series it's more than just an acting role this is a chance to have a real impact on the way that america views gay people my dream is that somewhere in middle america a working class guy named lou comes home after a hard day at work he watches our program and maybe just maybe he'll think differently about two men being together how was work uh you know dad you're not listening to me we're not just friends bart is my lover what's this crap some new show on abc what are you talking about stephen [Music] look at me dad i'm gay country's falling apart hi ronald reagan do solemnly swear that i will faithfully execute the office of president of the united states that i will faithfully execute the office of president of the united states and will to the best of my ability and will i don't know mr goldenson i mean sometimes these shows just take time now i realize it's been three weeks but aaron spelling won't let us down but i've just seen the overnight numbers and dynasty certainly is no dallas but sir i am addressing the problem as we speak i don't get it i just don't get it we have a better looking cast we have sex and greed and manipulation what is it about dallas that makes them number one and us 40th sorry well perfect really yeah this is the perfect script to hand in if you want to go back to driving a truck oh god esther you want me to lie to you do you have any idea how hard i worked on that screen they're gonna cancel the show richard now we need something monumental we need to make sure that they keep us alive we need something with bite that has bite did you read the scene where blake walks in on stephen and his boyfriend in the shower do you think abc wants a gay porn now we need to go in a totally different direction maybe a new character we need something that'll grab the audience by the throat and take us from four oh it's my fault we're 40th in the ratings i'm in here slaving away 14 hours a day it's nobody's fault it's just the reality now baby i don't want to hurt you you're a brilliant sensitive talented man but if you don't come up with something to save this show we're gonna have to add unemployed to the list we love alexis i mean she's the best character in the show a female jr now who's going to play it they have a casting call scheduled for later today call thought you want a second shot you got to bring me someone i can promote someone huge a star how about elizabeth taylor you think you can get me elizabeth taylor absolutely if not sophia loretta okay yeah you deliver a big star to play alexis and we can talk about another season great we'll get right on it oh and uh one more thing this gay character stephen abc's under a lot of pressure are we done making statements meaning cure him how am i gonna get elizabeth taylor to do this forget that how do you cure someone of homosexuality [Music] [Music] hi i'm heather locklear can you please tell me where i can find makeup in that trailer right over there great thanks read this man they want me to fall for a woman can you believe that i mean who the hell is sammy joe [Music] please i'll i'll do anything i'll drive to malibu i could be there in 30 minutes just let me sit out and talk to her i'm sure i can convince sophia to do this believe me this is the role of a lifetime hello hello any luck with sophia oh please elizabeth i just had lunch with her agent at spago if you listen carefully you can still hear him laughing we shoot the courtroom scene tomorrow what are we gonna do i'll cancel the shoot wait a minute the people call alexis morrell carrington alexis [Music] sugar how did you end up getting to play alexis friend of we covered her face in a veil buys us some time until we can figure it out you know honey i saw an actress last week on fantasy island who would be perfect now what's her name she's been around for years joan something john collins probably yeah she'd be good for the part except abc wants someone with cachet what do you mean you're the cachet babe none of your shows have big stars in them and they're all hits they've just got you was farrah fawcett a star before charlie's angels no robert urich before vegas no stephanie powers before heart to heart no ricardo before fantasy joan collins who is joan collins what's she been in the [ __ ] no i'm sorry i missed that one what else the stud esther this is abc not hollywood boulevard either you bring me someone i can promote or you can kiss a second season goodbye well he's gonna have to think about it vince erin spelling's on one one aaron how are you well what a coincidence you know someone else just mentioned joan collins to me mm-hmm i think she's a wonderful actress absolutely not why because it's awful because i read the script tell them i pass and if you still want to be my agent i suggest you be a little more discerning about the offers you accept was that enough for for the stead too watch it annie i will have you know that i have worked with paul newman i know and gregory douglas richard hello why because crystal is a total wimp and i may play a [ __ ] or a slot but i don't want to play a whim have to teach my daughter proper ethics who's alexis she isn't even in it she doesn't have any lines a female j.r really of course i can be as nasty as j.i if not worse tell them i'll consider it are we moving again darling mommy's going to play a real [ __ ] [Music] [Music] welcome ms collins [Music] hi i'm linda evans i just wanted to say hi and welcome you to our set i hope you like oatmeal actual darling i know how awkward it can be joining a cast in the second season so if there's anything i can do anything at all please don't hesitate to ask very sweet thank you okay i'll see you out there you're gonna be great she for real oh is that perky dear god well hope i'm not interrupting i just want to say hello john forsyth well hello we're all finished here cat for a drink drink it's not even 10. i meant tonight oh well see you out there uh miss collins they're ready for you thank you skippy what's his story me mr forsythe mm-hmm oh he's a really nice man he's married to now well darling this is your ninth life don't screw it up [Music] speed [Applause] action [Music] not bad not bad at all esther you have a pulse thank you vince that's very sweet of you to say we have a pulse not get crazy you're still no hit not even in the same league as dallas alexis is the key exactly the next few scripts are totally focused on her taking control of colbyco now i don't want to ruin any surprises but we have some truly machiavellian tricks italians esther i don't want any machiavellian all right claudius crap now make it shocking something they never ever dream of doing on dallas okay what did he say he wants shocking shocking what does that mean [Music] hello [Music] oh i love this one but are the shoulder pads gonna be that big she's gonna look like a linebacker this is the 80s trust me esther shoulder pads are going to be huge oh okay you're the genius what the hell is this a cat fight oh come on joan it'll be fun fun you've got to be joking first we had a pillow fight now this female mud wrestling believe it or not there are some lines even i won't cry i know joan you are absolutely right but the network has asked us to come up with something that's just gonna grab the audience's attention what and you think two women rolling around in the mud is going to do that [Music] take your hands off come on get here that's what i'm talking about right there daddy [Music] come in [Music] who's it from our good friends at abc aha just put them with the rest hang on a second hits don't happen every day i want to stop and smell the flower meow come in oh al hi come on in i wanted to talk to you about sammy joe we got a major problem here and if we can't sort something out al i just spoke with abc and rest assured they're thrilled with your relationship right but when i took this job on i was under the impression that we're gonna do something significant with stephen something that's gonna have an impact on the way that america views gay people yes hey i'm not gay but correct me if i'm wrong is homosexuality a disease that can be cured by a blonde bimbo and daisy duke shorts not as far as i know ow honey sit down no i don't want to sit down please out sit down now you're absolutely right but the network wants to go in a different direction and judging from the audience response i can't say i disagree people love your relationship with sammy joe is that so terrible is that all this is we find out what they're hungry for and we feed it to them what about what's good for them what about social change through art this is a non-negotiable issue for me [Music] oh al you're in an oil rig explosion i caution you stephen you will look different burns to your face were so severe we had to do plastic surgery [Music] what the hell is that what happened to the gay guy team 54 take 14. action cut let's try that again back to one try to get into a joan i'm only so good darling all right let's take five everyone that's five minutes les there you are a quick question for you my good man i'm putting a deposit down on a new house and uh what with everything that's happening around here i just wanted to check that uh everyone is happy with my character and his relationship with the lexus lloyd you just let me know when the house warning is come in well another one down network wants a new love interest for joan i believe the term they used was hunkier [Music] i think we have our jacks dexter [Music] why are you lying watch it alexis [Music] oh it's about time [Music] this collins is here nice of you to join us joan sorry darling i thought you wanted your alone time with linda what does that mean isn't this incredible here we are voted the three sexiest people on television and our combined age is over 150. now john's making up most of that and smile don't kid yourself joan there are places even makeup can't hide oh really well pick yourself up a copy of playboy this month let me know where they are playboy that is so brave disgraceful [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the last time i won anything was far the most promising actress of 1957 but time makes it all the sweeter thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay [Music] i was just invited to the white house [Applause] [Music] i didn't say [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] hello green it's [Music] because the guy cut them before he came over i thought this is sorry this is insanity i have got letters from women all over the country wanting to know where crystal buys her shoes where they can get a blank tuxedo there's a woman in argentina who wants to know about the carrington shampoo hold on i know what we can do why didn't i think of it before it's so obvious merchandising clothing cosmetics perfume red or white either isn't clothing a little tacky i thought we were making art well i'm sorry i have some sad news for you honey this isn't your eye claudius but there's no reason why we can't use dynasty to make art the rest of our lives when did you get your hair all puffed up oh linda and joan made me do it it's too much i know i know i knew i couldn't pull it off it looks great really uh-huh oh is everything okay shut up richard what are you doing what's the matter honey back back oh god down baby down oh are you all right yeah whatever possessed you to do that i don't know it works all the time on the page this is real life i forgot [Laughter] [Music] this smells great it's pure innocent we'll call it forever crystal will charge 150 an ounce even if people don't buy it it's free publicity and worth every penny esther i need to talk to you oh john sure of course what's on your mind alone please okay look i'll find you later we got to talk about the bedding john before you say a word i've got a surprise for you what's richer than royal and darker than midnight is this a riddle dynasty blue we've got our own color incredible right oh i'm thrilled esther thrilled now if it's not too much trouble i'd like to talk to you about the script oh les you're just in time john wants to talk about the script did you tell him about the color he's very excited [Music] so far in our first four seasons i have endured several cat fights been slapped countless times and had lines of dialogue come out of my mouth i never dreamed possible but through it all i've done my best to be professional not once have i complained about the scripts or the storylines until now lady ashley lady ashley john please have a seat please i thought you'd want an affair and enjoy the complexities of blake torn between two beautiful women there is only one beautiful woman for blake crystal their relationship is the backbone of this show it is the only remaining aspect that is decent and unadulterated and when that's gone so am i oh john there's no need to get hysterical if you don't want blake to have an affair it's out gone right right absolutely but before you decide let me tell you who he cast to play lady ashley it's irrelevant now you know where i stand and also know that i'm open to the possibility of a mine explosion now i have a wife and a tennis court waiting for me in santa barbara [Music] do you know the kind of numbers we could get from an affair what do you want to do well we can't have a mine explosion john forsyth is dynasty well if blake won't cheat maybe crystal will who could possibly steal crystal away from john forsythe [Music] is that how i think it is mr hudson i just wanted to introduce myself i'm esther shapiro executive producer i can't tell you what an honor this is for me giant has always been one of my all-time favorite films farewell to arms strange bedfellows the last sunset i've i've been in love with you for a very long time i think this is richard he's a writer i'm also her husband nice to meet you yeah so well well we'll give you some time okay oh oh if you need anything anything at all all right let's give mr hudson some space shall we back to work let's go back to work cut gets off the light unwrapped bring in another that man was my childhood idol sexist man alive what about me oh please more makeup for rock no go ahead and really take it on me you know they actually sell rock hudson masks and costume stores maybe i should wear that you look great chief okay this is picture all right answer me honestly how do i look oh you look you look heroic really all i know is i'm about to kiss rock heisen everyone ready and action second what do you mean second what the hell do we have to do to beat dallas and would you please tell me what is so appealing about larry hagman [Music] hello hello sir which line here here ah mr goldenson what a pleasure to see you hence well what brings you out to the west coast business or pleasure well for some of us it's a pleasure to do business have you seen the overnight numbers dynasty's number two in the ratings yes i saw that and i assure you by next season we're gonna be number one vince we have some of the best numbers in abc history well that's that's terrific to hear sir it's not terrific vince i'm sorry i don't follow yes you know how much our affiliate kabc in los angeles is worth well i don't actually have those figures about a billion dollars give or take you know how much our stock is selling it about 2 billion 2.3 but just one of our stations is worth a billion what does that tell you we're considerably undervalued we are prime for a hostile takeover you know i've run this company for 34 years the thought of it being bought by some raider and sold into pieces makes me sick to my stomach i'm happy dynasty is number two in the ratings vince that's very good but very good isn't going to cut it either we own the top five or we can all start looking for a new job we need to talk about dominique deveraux we're getting fan mail people are confused what's confusing she's blake's half-sister because richard she's black that's right she's the illegitimate daughter of tom carrington and his housekeeper millie it is important to my husband and it is important to me that we continue to take on socially relevant issues fine we need to talk about the budget you realize you're spending over forty thousand dollars a week for wardrobe the audience has become extremely sophisticated and the wardrobe has become another character fine well what about this 500 for beluga caviar we are seeing my dear in over 40 countries we have a responsibility to be authentic to an international audience you have grown women mud wrestling and that is real for the world of our show sorry i'm late uh we were just going over the budget the show's average cost is over a million dollars makes the most expensive show in history congratulations another milestone joe these are creative people our job is not to interfere but to to create an environment in which they can feel safe and comfortable to make their art having said that we'd like another dynasty what yeah a spin-off something even juicier i don't care what it costs just go make another hit oh is that all no for god's sake do something to beat dallas [Music] [Music] clinton hold up how are things over at abc good capital cities couldn't be better hey you uh wanna join up on the course play together sure why not [Music] 115 a share i simply can't go any higher again i can't even have a conversation below 120 a share i'm sorry 120 it's only trading at 70. 116. hey i'm putting 119. 117 that's it you know my wife's favorite number is 18. [Music] done [Music] i'm exhausted esther how are we going to write a new show you realize that means a whole new cast it's not just names it's back stories it's conflict it's plotting this i'll call aaron and i'll tell him we can't do it no big deal erin spelling's office please that new management at abc they'll just hire somebody else to ride a rip-off of dynasty probably air their idiotic fort worth yeah i'm still here would you tell him it's esther shapiro thank you it's a shame though because i can guarantee you we will never ever have this opportunity again not in this lifetime i was just hoping we could provide ourselves a little nest egg a little health insurance in our old days all right enough stop pretending you're on the phone i resent that i am on the phone you expect me to believe you're going to tell aaron's spelling you can't do something those words aren't in your vocabulary so i'll do it i'll try esther but i can't promise anything i'm just warning you that i'm feeling very very very overwhelmed duly noted okay what have you got for an end-of-season cliffhanger okay assistant wait mara vamos profevor gracias she doesn't speak english so we think it's not her fault if a tabloid offers her more money than she's made in a year money tempts everybody okay what do you got lake hurts his back he takes medication muscle relaxers in his codeine induced fog alexis comes in and rapes him john i'm on a lab like to cheat it's not cheating it's rape oh it's not suspenseful enough it needs to feel like you can't wait this summer to find out what happened besides theirs is the love that lasts forever at least that's the way we're promoting the perfume okay you'll come up with something keep working [Music] what about a motor seen it excuse me may i borrow her for a second i'll be right back okay how about this a massacre what do you mean a total annihilation the entire cast killed that's just the thing you have to tune in next year to see who lives and who dies we can have a sprawling shot of the carnage epic like a painting that's not bad really no we can set it in some distant location that's easy the family is overseas examining oil mines suddenly there's an explosion no they're overseas for a wedding a royal wedding that way we can dress them up so it's a wedding in some politically unstable foreign country suddenly there's a coup and everyone is killed we could get rid of a few extraneous cast members cut down on costs i'm loving this okay where what country ready okay i'm coming friends no it's too on the nose needs to feel more obscure austria you say austria i think schnitzel i want to think glamorous start too sticky nigeria too african where the hell is moldavia i have no idea do you think we get to go finally i get to kick some ass okay now the commandos have come crashing in through that window dex dexter you're gonna race in and dive on the guy with a gun uh shouldn't i be in fatigues here no what about a beret there's a problem with catherine oxenburg she doesn't want blood what's the problem catherine i don't want any blood it's my wedding sorry babe everyone gets blood uh yes well i don't want it does this mean my character is dead i don't know doll face okay now we need the moldavian royal family framed up here can we get some more blood over here on alexis blood more blood over my dead body i think that's the idea babe i am going on record as saying the moldavian massacre is ridiculous if they'd wanted a road trip we should have gone to beverly hills i couldn't agree more oh i think it's fun put some more of that gooey stuff over here on me seven years ago i was working with pacino not the hair yeah good just a touch more more blood i hope that i'll put more of that stuff on me i don't want to come back next season can we get some more blood over here on heather more blood on heather oh god what do you think esther let's do it roll camera b here we go this is picture down rolling quiet on set we'll debut massacre scene four take one and action i amanda bedford carrington take prince michael of moldavia to be my lawful wedded husband and now michael prince of montevideo do you take amanda belfort carrington to be your lawful wedded wife i do and now with the power destiny in me by the providence of god and the laws of the kingdom of moldavia i pronounce you to be husband and wife you may now kiss the bride [Music] oh oh [Music] oh my god is alexis dead [Music] [Applause] [Music] we wouldn't be here today without the contributions of each and every one of you oh i'm just so happy and finalized for the number one [Applause] won re-election by the largest margin in the united states history has an improvement rating of over 60 percent [Applause] joe come on in grab a t-shirt we have a situation bad barry hello this is the executive producer of the number one show on television speaking oh my god thank you yes thank you oh what's wrong brock hudson has aids [Music] there you are linda how are you what are you doing here you know there's something i really need to talk to you about let's let's go over some of the words thank you aaron are you firing me of course not good and uh there's no easy way to say this rock hudson has aids what oh no it's impossible he was the biggest sex symbol in the world i just saw him we kissed [Music] darling you're being taken advantage of if it doesn't bother you it certainly doesn't bother me no it bothers me peter i am dynasty i'm on every magazine cover in the world don't you read the times i put the nasty into dynasty for a rock and there's not a man out there who doesn't want to have me or a woman who doesn't want to be me well clearly you have a sense of your own worth believe me if i haven't signed that damn contract i just can't bear to think about it i just have to convince myself that i'm a professional and i'm very well paid not as fair as john really when are we going to find out if flint is okay she's at the doctor now we have another problem joan she's having back problems back problems are bank problems i imagine if we came up with a lot more money she'd be magically cured not a chance but we've created a whole season of story lines for her to become queen of moldavia you realize we'd have to rewrite everything no we start shooting today nice of her to have left it to the last possible segment well she and her little prince charming thought they'd have us by the kahanas don't they not mine [Music] i don't understand what i'm doing in this scene shouldn't these be jones lines don't know sweetie orders came from upstairs everyone pleases this is picture okay everybody settle right on the side my god linda i just heard are you okay it's all right john it's all right i just spoke with my doctor and he doesn't think it could be transferred through kissing oh thank god is john in this scene i think this is real life john can you give us a second this is picture oh of course i'm sorry wait a second why is linda in this scene this should be joan we know please step aside john roll camera here we go this is picture okay and hop in there linda sound good rolling here we go tails blade and action thank you for coming mrs carrington i wanted to discuss the business deal between colbyco and moldavia but i don't know why is he talking to crystal about this company yes but we were unable to discuss certain details with alexis she's uh beyond talking beyond talking i don't get it beyond talking damn god those numbers gonna make me happy no don't tell me miami vice worse we're practically getting beat by four old women that live together give me that is this accurate call esther i want alexis back no no no this was not about greed this was a victory for women's rights why should a man be paid more simply because of his gender being commons is a very expensive undertaking i can't exactly walk into a department store and buy something off the rack people have an expectation that i am alexis i can assure you it's a burden pants will you calm down i have no idea why dynasty's numbers are sinking now that alexis is back i guess the audience is fickle well vince relax we're leaving moldavia we've got all new story lines yeah well like what um just a second okay honey give me storyline crystal's evil twin crystal has an evil twin yes and she's involved in a plot with sammy jo to kidnap the good crystal and keep her in a secret dungeon while she the evil crystal sleeps with blake doesn't blake notice that it's not his wife nope why not i guess he's a bit of a [ __ ] vince i'm gonna send the script over to you it's kind of complicated okay bye richie let's go for a walk okay connie what's the matter i can't run what do you mean there's too much going on i can't focus i need space i'm not thinking clearly the other day i forgot my address i have to look on my driver's license honey honey i i know you're feeling a little pressured but praised we all are but i need you now now this is the time to dig in if la's too busy for you get out of town go someplace peaceful i'll buy you a cabin someplace where you can be alone with your thoughts that's just a thing i'd rather be away from my thoughts richie you've been sharing what's in that head with 120 million people all over the world i mean finding a place on this planet away from dynasty is gonna be quite impossible it's gonna be okay uh we need to talk it's important richard what are you doing here shouldn't you be writing oh i'll be down here honey we're done okay i'm calling our realtor today great okay what is that it's catherine oxenburg she's not feeling well let me guess back trouble [Music] i i don't understand what happens to me simple you get your butt in a mangled car we shoot it we get some blood in here please what what sorry babe that's how it goes okay speed sound rolling cue the smoke [Music] [Applause] oh i liked her come on honey keep writing [Music] i thought crystal was locked in the dungeon she was i think that's her evil twin sister man this show sucks see what else is on let's get to the facts the charge has been made that the united states has shipped weapons to iran it's because of the kobe's you're spreading way too thin [Music] it's moldavia it's all because of moldavia need i remind you that moldavia is the reason we went to number one maybe if you spent more time focused on your scripts instead of selling bed sheets and eternal crystal forever crystal the point is esther people have stopped watching esther i'm gonna be frank with you abc in its new structuring needs the show now more than ever as do some of us personally i mean look around you people are scared to death of getting canned i mean it could be a bloodbath out there drastic times call for drastic measures well davey was a mistake i think we can all agree to that so we have an idea we'd like for you to go on national television and issue a formal apology an apology for what moldavia oh while you're at it you might as well apologize to america for crystal's evil twin sister let me get this straight you want me to go on national television and say hi my name is esther shapiro and i apologize for moldavia yes are you serious we've got to do something esther we need our audience back fence you'll get your audience what is that what that spelling plans to go public i have no idea esther we have the standing joe so we're clearing away in the basement for the bowling alley wait the bowling alley can't be in the basement the skating rink has to be in the basement then where's the bowling alley go well where is it in the white house excuse me candy erin take a look at this what is it reid esther thinks she's entitled to some of the profits from you going public 180 million dollar lawsuit esther [Music] peter i am sick of discussing this darling i was only looking out for you it was all about the ratings barbara walters was going to have from interviewing i thought you should pay for it that's ridiculous barbara waters doesn't pay anyone well that's the difference in our mindsets to me you're not just anyone i told you to leave me alone it's over am i going to have to call security okay joey you just sat with yourself in there beside john thank you nice of you to join us sit on a sharp spike danny [Music] 180 million dollars esther can't you just settle this everyone ready it's the 150th episode everyone say money [Music] as i told this committee several days ago i never personally discussed the use of what they canned you oh man that is totally unfair you know in these situations they always need a scapegoat i didn't get canned i got promoted it's a crazy business oh please good luck with dynasty mr fletcher could you sign this please winston you know what i'm not going to deal with this right now you told him i call him back congratulations i just heard the good news it's mr fletcher have you caught an episode of the colbys recently uh no sir yeah you and the rest of america the story lines are unbelievable what's next aliens and if dynasty's numbers get any lower we're not performing that badly i mean you know the show's still in the top 25. not when you're considered in terms of cost abc stands to lose millions this year what we need are fresh ideas fresh shows we're heading into a new era now you mark my words abc will no longer stand for aaron's broadcasting company fix that gee i don't know honey maybe i should apologize to abc for six years of charlie's angels nine years of love boat you made that network you'll make another one seven years of fantasy island six years of heart to heart five years of starsky and hutch six years of hotel five years of tj hooker don't let winston cancel us we're not doing that badly when you consider how many shows there are on television no that's not a bad number now come on trust me the audience is coming back what do you hear what we have for a cliffhanger [Music] esther we need to talk i'll call you right back joe what can i do for you john well perhaps i've read one too many of these and i'm going a little loopy but does it say that i'm remarried to alexis yes and let me explain oh i think you'd better just listen john blake suffers from amnesia now in his delusional state he actually believes that it's 1965. this way he can live happily with alexis while at the same time not be unfaithful to crystal amnesia i see look maybe this hasn't dawned on you yet but this ship is sinking somewhere along the way maybe it was with the clothing line or moldavia in a maniacal pursuit of toppling dallas or the disaster that was the kobe's but somewhere esther somewhere we have lost total respect for our audience an audience that's been very good to us look i know it doesn't have to be shakespeare but this this is complete insanity now i will do my part as a professional actor and play the character whichever way you decide but my request is this let us go down with a little dignity john we're not going down john collins who is worth millions of millions of dollars is divorcing me and now i'm homeless please john collins be decent to another human being there she is don't let alexis be in your heart this is better than crap on her own show just call it jump good night oh hi miss evans i was um can i see that it's a stupid magazine please see you tomorrow [Music] good night everyone [Music] you were right oh uh-huh i'm great what rubbish one of these magazines said you and i hated each other that cat fights all the time on the set another said i was having an affair with john well that i didn't mind because i knew it would really piss him off you know i could do with a drink [Music] you yeah [Music] i was 17. he was a huge star he drugged me and had his way with me on our very first date oh my god what did you do darling i married him wonderful way to find out about love try living with john derek sheepskin rugs roaring fires i used to think all men had nothing better to do than spend six hours preparing for lovemaking sessions then he found a younger version and i had to start over with the men of six minute lovemaking six minutes that's a marathon at least you have your children yes they're the ones you keep they make it all worthwhile i never thought i'd be 45 years old and not have a family no children i may not be the loneliest woman in hollywood but sometimes i don't feel very far off as i was sitting there right before i had my meltdown i decided wait a second who cares what people think of me if they want to see linda evans as a lonely pathetic woman fine i don't give a you know what i'm done with all of it it's time i stopped caring about other people and started caring about me good for you that's why i've decided to leave the show what you're leaving you can have blake all to yourself well it won't work it'll fall apart without you maybe and i'm sorry for that but this is what i want and right now that's the only person i'm interested in pleasing can understand that good luck darling thank you i propose a toast to the two sexiest women on tv [Music] [Music] [Music] listen to me please find a job yet honey [Applause] i hate those rich bastards oh yeah thanks guys we'll be in touch 30 something i love it their characters are real people not super rich greedy carringtons the 80s are over we need a changing of the guard a new tone for television what do you got uh three shows in the top ten dynasty give me that what is that is that a five fifty-sevenths oh and that's pathetic cancer i will faithfully execute the office of the president of the united states okay [Music] bye-bye you want any of this mr shapiro no no thanks when president reagan left office the country which when he inherited it was the largest creditor nation in the world became the world's largest debtor nation will that be the former president's legacy only time and the economy [Music] nine years 218 episodes and it's over [Music] thank god amazing what that the two of us made the most glamorous show on television i'm going out of my mind it's too sunny out here every day blends into the next i'm moving back to london or at least when you're feeling miserable it has the decency to raise [Music] 30 something 30 something i don't get it what's so engaging about watching a bunch of yuppies whine for an hour come to bed honey and they're ugly yes i'm sorry i lived next door and the music was very i'm yani linda for the first time in 25 years i don't have a show on the air hmm you know what i regret the most suing me not settling with you i used to get bags of mail from women all over the country people who stood by us for almost a decade and to end it with a cliffhanger blake bleeding to death on the floor dex and alexis crashing off the balcony it's insanity and disrespectful i feel like i let them down so why don't we set it right what do you mean end it properly a final reunion show we'll bring the whole cast back and tie up all the loose ends you think the network will go for it let's go in together and find out oh what do you mean you're actually going to walk into abc with me well i figured i should see the officer's eye built so i have to tell you that we're really not interested if i could just interrupt for a second i just want you to know that we are not going over the top in any way creatively or financially all we're talking about is tying together the loose ends and giving something back to our audience who stuck by us through all the craziness the whole cast is willing to come back at reduced salaries and i have a lot of provocative ideas controversial ideas commercial ideas that too i promise you this will be the most cost-effective programming you put on all you look the problem is i never really liked you i'm sorry did you say something aaron me no no i was just listening to one of the best pitches i've heard in a long long time sorry you were saying it's just that uh we here at abc always felt guilty about leaving our audience hanging it's just that i'm not sure if a two-hour dynasty reunion show is what middle america will want right now will they market and action are you happy stephen do you love each other yes then i'm happy for you but the way i feel about crystal is the way you feel about bart [Music] you ready ladies coming like a stunt double joan what the hell for a few shots i'd like to get in this time union movie scene 40 take one action [Music] stop it cut [Applause] well it was fun while it lasted you realize that dynasty will be the first thing mentioned in all our obituaries oh honey what a nice thing to say we were the biggest show on earth we could find a decade now thank god it's someone else's turn [Applause] [Music] my [Music] uh [Music] look

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Length: 82min 0sec (4920 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 09 2022