Dr. Amen on How to Improve Brain Health, ADHD, Fighting Negative Thinking, BPD & More

we're poisoning children's brains we're poisoning  them with ultr processed foods we're poisoning   them by giving them gadgets that steal their  dopamine levels and the longer you can keep   them away the better their brain develops this  is the pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your   host Mari [Music] lell what is up guys welcome  back to the pursuit of Wellness podcast I am   so freaking excited for today's episode this is  one of my favorite guests of all time back for   a part two Dr Daniel aan he is a brain doctor  and a very well-known brain doctor he works on   many celebrities you guys may know Justin Bieber  Bella Hadid Miley Cyrus and also people like me   Dr aan is a physical adult and child psychiatrist  and founder of aan clinics which has the world's   largest database of brain scans for Psychiatry  totaling more than 200,000 brain scans on patients   from 155 different countries if you haven't  listened to part one with Dr aan yet I highly   recommend you do that episode really really blew  up we talked a lot about alcohol and the impact   it can have on the brain drugs marijuana  it was a really in-depth conversation this   is a continuation of that original conversation  and a deeper dive we we talked about completely   different topics today I really think you guys  are going to enjoy it after our last episode I   actually went to Aman clinics they invited me  in in Newport Beach and I got my brain scanned   and I have to say the full breakdown is going to  be on YouTube but we also discussed it in today's   episode that brain scan truthfully changed my life  you know I feel like we all have understandings   about our struggles maybe negative thought  patterns but this was really solid evidence for   me of what is going on in my brain and the impact  things have had on my brain over time it was a   really surprising discovery so highly recommend  you guys keep listening to hear that piece because   I think it'll be helpful to so many people we  also talk a lot about parenting in this episode   so if you are a parent or you would like to be a  parent in the future and want to make sure you are   you know raising really strong emotionally sound  kids this is a really good one for you some things   we discuss today we talk about hypervigilance  we also talk about ADHD and tools you can use   to manage ADHD or things you can do if you have  a partner with ADHD autism and vaccines we also   talk about creating strong children and what to do  if you have a child who's on social media we also   talk about things like Diet Coke and the effects  that that can have on the brain we also of course   everyone's going to make fun of me talk about  fertility and pregnancy I feel like I'm bringing   it up in every episode lately and just bear with  me guys it's what I'm going through so I can't   help but ask about it so I hope you guys don't  mind we also just talk about really tangible tools   for negative thought patterns and how you can  break that in your life I know for me personally   I'm someone who leans on the side of being a bit  more depressed and anxious so to have a tool that   helps me manage that is so helpful Dr aan is  releasing a new book raising mentally strong   kids how to combine the power of Neuroscience  with love and logic to grow confident kind and   responsible and resilient children it releases on  March 26th so we talk about that as well without   further Ado let's talk to Dr aan Dr aan welcome  back to the pursuit of Wellness podcast thank   you so much for helping me spread this message of  brain health mental strength mental strength we're   going to talk all about that today you're back for  part two because your first episode with me really   blew up online I'm not sure if you were even aware  of that but our video together I think it's over 2   million views people were freaking out I mean  I think specifically the alcohol topic really   blew up so I'm really excited to have you back  also after we spoke I came down to your clinic   in Orange County and you scanned my brain it was  a long process I think I was there the whole day   and we actually filmed it for YouTube but I  don't know that everyone's watched the YouTube   so I really want to go through the results and  also kind of like what I've done since then to   improve because I was just watching the video and  I was kind of like struggling then more than I am   now so I'd love to discuss I know you brought in  the scan so excited to cuz you know that's what   really started my journey was I started looking at  the brain and then I'm like oh I don't like mine   can I make it better and what are those things  I've been obsessed with for the last 33 years   or so and the exciting news is you can make your  brain better but how do you know unless you look   yeah right with your scan was it low in activity  or was it high activity and once you know you   can Target treatment specifically for you yeah and  you had a really interesting brain healthy in many   ways except way too busy which makes you worried  and rigid and if things don't go a certain way   you get upset it's like you have a little mouse  on an exercise wheel in your head and the mouse   can't get off the wheel over and over and over and  calming that that down can just help you be happy   and the person you really want to be I remember  sitting down with you and seeing the scan and   having you point out the active areas and what was  going on was such a sort of like aha moment for me   because I was aware of my negative thought habits  and I was aware of sort of the struggles that   I've had but to see it and have that validation  almost I was able to take a deep breath and take   it from there like it really was so eye opening  for me to have this physical analysis of what's   actually happening and I know we talked about my  borderline personality diagnosis and I had a lot   of questions about this because now I don't meet  the characteristics necessary for BPD and I know   that you spoke about BPD sort of being just  like a name for PTSD or trauma can you talk   us through that a little bit yeah I've never been  a fan of borderline personality disorder it means   you're really messed up and I'm not likely to  help you and I'm like now actually debated Oto   kernberg who is one of the psychiatrists involved  in really making it a diagnosis and I'm like how   do you know unless you look what's underneath that  diagnosis and often there's increased activity in   the scenario called called the anterior singular  gyrus I think of it as the brain's gear shifter   and when it works too hard as it does in your  case you just have trouble shifting and you end   up stuck in these Loops sometimes problems in  the left temporal lobe which can give you mood   instability irritability sometimes temper problems  and problems with low activity in the prefrontal   cortex now you actually don't have that uh uh but  that's where some very serious impulse control   issues can happen and if you know what's going  on so one you get rid of the stigma attached to   it and start balancing what's underneath it and  there's trauma with you and we actually saw this   trauma pattern in your brain it's called The  Diamond Plus pattern and you do therapy like   EMDR which I'm a huge fan of uh it calms down  the diamond and so if you're holding trauma if   your brain is holding trauma you you can't be  happy when I met my wife really liked her still   really like her uh beautiful smart uh she had a  lot of trauma in her childhood she actually wrote   a book about it called the Relentless courage of a  scared child W and she had that trauma pattern and   I realized okay I'd like you you're going to be my  person if you choose me back and my first gift to   her which she thought was weird was 10 sessions  of EMDR because of course if I'm going to date   you I'm going to scan you like within three weeks  of meeting her I'm like hey you haven't seen the   clinic don't you want to come see the clinic the  first naked part of her I wanted to see was her   bra uh because ultimately you know it's going  to make me happy or crazy how her brain works   right and uh she ended up going for two years um  but it's why we don't fight uh because we don't   trigger each other because we sort of work through  the triggers so okay I was trying to remember that   you explained that to me in our session the lit  up part of the it's that diamond shape that's   so interesting to me and you saw that on mine  quite prevalently what causes that to light up   it's the unpredictability that's hard it causes  your brain to like always have to watch because   you never know what's going to happen and so your  emotional brain starts to work too hard and it   can give you all sorts of trouble is that also  known as hypervigilance yes okay and we talked   about solutions for that type of thinking because  it it really was running my life back then and I   still have moments you know it's still sort of my  autopilot response we talked about a tool called   killing the ants a ants which also stands for  automatic negative thoughts right you bet can   you talk us through that cuz that was very very  helpful for that really reframed the way I think   so I coined that term I don't know more than 30  years ago I had a really hard day at work I had   four suicidal patients which is a psychiatrist a  lot in one day um two teenagers who ran away from   home and two couples who hated each other and so  I came home and I was tired but I came home to an   ant infestation in my kitchen and nobody was there  and I'm cleaning up these ants and I'm thinking   ants and you know as a medical student you're  always using acronyms and pneumonics to just try   to remember stuff and so I think in that way and  I'm killing the ants and I'm like and automatic   negative thoughts my patients are infested and  so the next day at work I bought a brought a can   of ants spray and I put it on my coffee table and  I'm like I'm going to teach you to kill the ants   uh and I had an 8-year-old patient because I'm  also a child psychiatrist an 8-year-old patient   who had a panic disorder and I taught him how to  not believe every stupid thing he thinks and 3   weeks later he came in I'm like how you doing he  said it's an ant ghost town in my head oh so happy   and so ants spray is obviously um poisonous so I  ended up going to Pier 39 in San Francisco there's   a puppet store there a very famous puppet store  and I got an ant puppet and then an ante eater   puppet and I used to play with the kids about  not believing every stupid thing you think and   so the exercise is so simple whenever you feel  sad mad nervous or out of control write down   what you're thinking yeah and there actually  nine different types of ants so identify what   type of ant fortune telling mind reading guilt  beating All or Nothing thinking focusing on the   negative blame whatever so write it down identify  the different types of stinking thinking patterns   or ant species and then talk back to it like  you don't have to believe everything you think   I remember the first time I was on television  I was so nervous I uh had written an article in   Parade magazine called how to get out of your  own way we had 10,000 letters to our office so   this is like before email and CNN heard about  it they invited me on their show so I flew to   Los Angeles and I'm in the green room waiting to  go on and my hands are sweaty um I start having   trouble breathing and I'm like I have to leave and  then the voice in my head started laughing at me   and said you treat people who have this problem  what do you tell them to do don't leave and so   this is really helpful for anybody who has a panic  disorder number one don't leave because if I would   have laughed I would have never done television  again and I've been on TV thousands of times um   don't leave second thing is breathe and I there's  a very specific breathing pattern that'll almost   immediately calm down a panic talk and the third  thing write down what you're thinking yeah I'm   going to forget my name I wrote down I'm going to  forget my name I'm going to stutter two million   people are going to think you're an idiot so I  wrote that down and you're going to forget your   name fortune telling so write down the type of ant  it is and then talk back to it and play with it I   don't know if you've ever seen a cat play with a  mouse but they don't let just eat the mouse what   they do is they scare it to death and then they  anyways um play with the thought so you're going   to forget your name fortune telling and I wrote  probably not I've never forgotten my name but if   I do I have my driver's license in my wallet y  you're going to stutter fortune telling probably   not I usually don't stutter but if I do all the  stutter that are watching can identify with me   and then three two million people are going to  think you're an idiot I wrote probably so and   then I wrote these three numbers 18460 which  is a rule I teach all of my patients the 1840   60 rule it says when you're 18 you worry about  what everybody's thinking of you when you're 40   you don't give a damn what anybody thinks about  you and when you're 60 you realize nobody has   been thinking about you at all people spend their  days worrying and thinking about themselves not   you so even as public figures yes of course we  get hate but they're not really thinking about   us they're thinking about themselves G I love  that and then I went on TV and I wasn't great   but I wasn't terrible and and you still did it and  I still did it I feel like the most powerful part   about the ant killing exercise is simply getting  the the thought out there because when you say it   out loud or write it down you kind of realize how  ridiculous it is like I remember sitting in your   office and you were like you know what's your  main ant and I immediately was like oh then no   one likes me and you were like I invited you here  I like you fee was in the room she goes I like you   you know and I sort of start realizing how silly  it sounds and then you really have the ability to   argue with yourself whereas if you keep it in your  head it just remains there isolated and you almost   come up with reasons why it could be true I did  the same thing I had a speaking engagement 3 days   ago and I suddenly started getting obsessed about  the fact that I was going to fall on the stage and   I've never fallen before and I was like I can't  even go down this rabbit hole right now because   it will become my obsession and I quickly just got  it out you know so I really think this is such a   powerful tool and I love the work of Byron Katie  she has a book I love called loving what is and   I've completely adopted the five question she  teaches people so I'm going to fall or um I'll   forget my name write it down identify it and then  here are the five questions is it true I'm going   to forget my name no um and even if I said yes so  I'm going to fall yes um the second question is it   absolutely true with 100% certainty of course  not you've never fallen the third question is   how does it make you feel anxious freak doubt so  you're realizing it's my thoughts that freak me   out the fourth question is how would I feel if I  didn't have the thought excited to do the speech   uh and the last one my favorite one is take the  original thought that tortures you and flip it   to the opposite I'm not going to fall and then  go do I have any evidence I'm not GNA fall yeah   like hundreds of pieces of evidence that I usually  don't fall yeah and then meditate on the opposite   of the thought that bothers you and it just frees  you but too often we have this very mean bully in   our heads and we would never treat our friends the  way we treat ourselves because quite frankly if we   did we would have no friends yeah and so learning  how to be kind and firm right we're talk about my   new book raising men Mally strong kids and those  are the two words of great parents they're firm   and they're kind yeah and if you want to be a  mentally strong want to raise mentally strong   kids you have to be mentally strong yourself right  every day we are modeling health or we're modeling   illness to those we care about yeah I feel like  we almost need to parent ourselves every time I   catch myself having a negative thought it really  feels like I'm having to reparent myself and I'm   sure it has so much to do with the way we grow  up the way our parents talk to us I mean you   and your wife are obviously very in the know  when it comes to the brain and how we should   talk to ourselves but many of our generation  our parents weren't taught those skills so I   feel like it's going to be interesting to see the  way that my generation raises our children with   the awareness that we have now but also with the  environment that we have with social media it's   scary I want to actually skip down to that I  want to ask you your new book comes out soon   I want to read the subject line you had under the  title raising mentally strong kids how to combine   the power of Neuroscience with love logic to grow  confident kind responsible and resilient children   and young adults what do you feel like is the  biggest issue with children's brain development   in the environment that we're in right now we're  poisoning children's brains we're poisoning them   with ultr processed foods uh parents for example  think orange juice is a health food when it's   really liquid sugar it's not good for kids um  we're poisoning them by giving them gadgets   that steal their dopamine levels uh the American  Academy of Pediatrics recommends they don't even   see screens until they're three and the longer  you can keep them away the better their brain   develops so you have these two areas in your brain  they're so interesting they're called the nucleus   accumbens but basically they're little pleasure  buttons in the brain and whenever something good   happens we produce a little bit of dopamine and  it helps us feel happy and motivated but these   gadgets and the ultr processed foods cause us  to produce dopamine much more quickly much more   intensely and ultimately it wears out the pleasure  centers in your brain needing us to have more and   more excitement in order to feel anything at all  so we're seeing the incidence of depression in   especially in teenage girls Skyrocket there's  a brand new study that's just terrifying uh 54   54% of teenage girls report being persistently  sad 32% have uh thought of killing themselves   24% have planned to kill themselves and 133%  have actually tried these are statistics unlike   anything in human history and so you have have to  sort of unpack it it's like why what's different   is the lowquality food uh and food producers  know this right the most expensive aisles in   the grocery store are the bottom two shelves  which are the shelves kids can see and grab and   then parents go oh sure you can have this without  ever reading the label which is just insane right   you your brain so it's 2% of your body's weight  it uses 20 to 30% of the calories you consume you   feed children a fast food ultr processed food  diet and it's going to damage their brain and   then if you combine that with the toxic products  we put on our body it's another whole issue you   know why do you know teenage boys have low levels  of testosterone testosterone has been over the   decades been decreasing low testosterone less  motivation less strength less happy mood um I   think it's because of the toxic products we put  on kids bodies I often say the dermatologists   won they made us afraid of the Sun and all the  sunscreens they've actually in the last year or   two pulled a couple of them off the market because  they had cancer causing chemicals in them and it's   like oh my goodness from toxic social media which  creates a toxic level of self-absorption uh which   is so hard for people and it really disconnects  you from real people in your life uh to the toxic   food toxic products um and then you have to add  the news because the news is no longer the news   and lots of amilies have the news on for hours  every day even though it's the same negative   stuff on repeat the news is it's just not the  news anymore it's anest yeah it's to sell copper   underwear and pharmaceutical drugs um and I'm just  horrified because the negativity if you watch the   news in the morning you're 27% less happy in the  afternoon I mean that's a big deal so all these   toxic inputs that were given to kids and if you  want to raise mentally strong kids you have to be   mentally strong yourself so watch the products  you put on your body there's an app I like   called Think Dirty uh let you scan your personal  products to tell you on a scale of 1 to 10 how   quickly they're killing you and so I shaved with  barbasol for many years it's nine and I'm like   no and so now I shave with something called kiss  my face and it's a two because I love myself like   why would I ever put something toxic on my body  and people go oh but it's a habit it's like well   break it if it's not good for you once you're  aware of the toxins in products it's actually   terrifying because you can't escape them I feel  like the Ubers have air fresheners the second I   get in an Uber and I smell that artificial smell I  like want to get out I open all the windows cuz I   Fe I get a headache immediately product s perfume  candles even the bathrooms here for me when the   fragrances are on I it overwhelms me I have so  many questions for you in terms of kids brain   development do you think there's anything that's  happening during the mother's pregnancy that's   having an impact on the baby's brain development  like if a pregnant Mother's using toxic products   or eating processed food of course is that baby  like set up in fact the really horrifying thing   is it's way before pregnancy I mean we know for  example if teenage boys smoke cigarettes or vape   they've just increased the risk of their children  having ADHD um so and it's even worse for females   because when a little girl is born she's born  with all of the eggs she'll ever have so when   her mother was carrying her um she's actually  carrying her baby and her grandbabies because   the little girl is born with all of the eggs  she'll ever have and there's a term I coined   many years ago called brain Reserve so brain  Reserve is the extra function tissue you have   to deal with whatever stress comes your way so  for example take two people put them in a car   accident same forces same angles everything's the  same one of them walks away unharmed the other   one's permanently disabled why it depends on the  brain they brought into the accident and so our   brain reserve it happens how was the health of our  parents before they even got together how was the   health of mom during pregnancy what toxic products  was she putting in her body with toxic food with   toxic thoughts right because carrying that stress  from um an unpredictable childhood really does   matter and and then what happened to that baby  throughout his or her life you know whether it's   Falls bad food infections Now with covid uh we  know covid changes the brain if you get Co in   the next 6 months you have a 25% increased risk  of having a new onset psychiatric illness because   it creates inflammation in the brain so there all  these things and I know it might sound terrifying   to people but the good news is you're not stuck  with the brain you have right we already talked   about yours you think it's already better from  when I scanned you uh because you love your brain   and you've been to your brain and that's the good  news is you can make it better and I can prove it   during pregnancy I've heard that there's some  foods you can eat to enhance your fetus's brain   is that true like I've heard salmon row can be  beneficial so clearly there are foods you can eat   that will decrease healthy development M right um  whether it's sugar foods to quickly turn to sugar   foods with pesticides um okay so if that's true  their Foods clearly you can eat that will enhance   the baby's brain uh organic blueberries I'm a huge  fan of the polyphenols in organic blueberries I   make my family every night brain healthy hot  chocolate and The Rock cow cuz it's made with   Organic unsweetened almond milk Rock caca and um  Stevia um it tastes amazing it's good for me and   good for my family so rock AOW can be helpful and  anything with high levels of healthy fat because   60% of the solid weight of our brain is fat and so  I'm completely not a fan of lowfat diets now bad   fat stay away from that but healthy fat whether  it's from healthy fish and you have to be careful   with fish because of the Mercury content in fish  uh so low mercury healthy fish salmon would be one   of them but make it wild salmon um avocados nuts  seeds um and then you should be taking an omega-3   fatty acid supplement how do do heavy metals  impact the brain I've seen a lot of studies about   this very bad lead uh and it's common and if you  don't have good detoxification Pathways you can   really have a buildup of Arsenic and mercury and  Lead uh Mercury is a known neurotoxin which is why   it's really a good idea to not give kids vaccines  with Mercury in them uh so Mercury free vaccines   like go oh but it's so little but oh you're giving  kids like 60 vaccines it's like you want them to   be Mercury fee free is it linked to autism or is  that not true um there's some evidence it is most   of the evidence says it's not but there is um a  gene environmental interaction that I'm absolutely   convinced is causing autism and I have vaccine  damaged brains and so I vaccinated all of my kids   but I did it in a slow really thoughtful way and  when they tried to give hepatitis B vaccine to one   of my newor and grandchildren at a fit it's like  okay how do you get Hepatitis B from IV needles   or irresponsible sexual activity I'm like let's  worry about that later we're not going to worry   about we're not going to challenge a brand new  baby's immune system and so I think of myself as   a thoughtful Voxer not like oh let's have a party  and let's give all the children covid-19 vaccines   when children don't die from covid vaccin so  um we probably don't want to go there but no   I appreciate you I want us to be thoughtful  uh about what you put in your body from the   products you put in your bodies to the medicines  because vaccines are medicines you put in your   body is there enough research has it been around  for decades let's let's be cautious let's talk   about ADHD had a lot of questions from adults with  ADHD and parents with kids who have ADHD how do we   go about handling ADHD with or without adero or  rlin are there things we can do in our lifestyle   or food or habits that can help with ADHD so ADHD  is real and when it is left untreated it has bad   consequences and when we talk about medicine you  always want to know what are the side effects of   medications like Rin um but you also want to ask  the question well what are the side effects of not   treating ADHD so the Hallmark symptoms are short  attention span but not for everything it's short   attention span for regular routine everyday things  schoolwork homework paperwork chores the things   that sort of make life work um but for things that  are new novel highly stimulating interesting or   frightening people D can pay attention just fine  and uh that often fools people the second one is   they're easily distracted it's like the world  comes at them too fast they see too much they   hear too much they sense too much like they hate  seams and tags uh my first wife had add or ADHD   and just so people know that's the same thing in  1980 when the American Psychiatric association   has her diagnostic Bible was called attention  deficit disorder with or without hyperactivity   1987 they revised it to ADHD and I hated that  change because they basically sort of threw   out all the nonhyperactive people who had add um  anyways distractability C too much feel too much   sense too much hate tags so as little kids are  always taking off their clothes and it was going   to say my first wife we got married when I was a  seconde medical student I walked into my closet   one day and someone had cut out all the tags in  my shirts and I felt violated cuz i' never felt   a tag in my life and I took the shirt out into the  living room and I'm like do you know who cut out   the tags in my she go go you had tags in your  shirt don't they don't you hate that I thought   you'd be so happy with me I'm like never felt to  tag please don't cut up my clothes I'm like I sort   of knew this was not going to work really well um  the third one is they tend to be disorganized for   time and space so their space tends to be a bit of  a mess they organize by the pile system pile here   pile there pile pile everywhere um they tend to  procrastinate they don't do things until someone's   mad at them to get it done and they tend to have  impulse control issues say things probably they   shouldn't say do things they shouldn't do so if  you have those symptoms and they persist right all   of us have ADD days right if you didn't sleep well  you had too much alcohol whatever um but if it's   sort of the story of your life um there are things  you can do to make it worse processed foods not   sleeping video games excessive screen time so not  exercising so the first thing if you have someone   who has ADD it's focus on getting their diet  healthy how about caffeine um caffeine will help   them in the short run but then they'll end up be  addicted to it and we'll actually have withdrawal   not a huge fan of caffeine okay um there's some  nutrients uh like magnesium can help zinc can   help omega-3 fatty acids can help so I often  recommend in my writings I have a book called   healing add see and heal the seven types because  what I realize is not one thing give everybody   riddlin two of the seven types get better and five  of them get worse which is why rin's controversial   because when it works it can literally take kids  from C's and D's hating themselves days and B's   getting into the university they want to get  into so uh I'm a fan typically I first will go   a natural route changing their diet giving them  nutrients but if it doesn't work I will use the   medicine a recommend the medicine because left  untreated there's serious problems with addiction   School failure relationship failure bankruptcy  and so on and it's personal to me it said my first   wife had it uh my uh daughter Caitlyn is public I  talk about her embarrass her all the time love her   dearly but she was hyperactive from before birth  uh she was so active inside her mother's womb we   thought she was going to be a boy but she wasn't  and I I could hold her sister watch a movie with   her sister older sister and it's just we just had  this close Pond and Caitlyn holding her a year-old   was like trying to hold a live salmon that so  Wiggly and I wrote a column in the local newspaper   I live so whenever I went out I get recognized and  if that wasn't the case she would have been on one   of those little yellow leashes in the mall but  because I was recognized and I was embarrassed   by it I used to put her in her stroller and tie  her shoes together so she couldn't get out oh   my gosh and going to church with her it was so  awful um and if you're the child psychiatrist   in a community and you're child is the worst  behaved it's just a bad thing not a good look   and so I would take her out of church and threaten  her life and then realized um this girl's never   going to go back to church because she's going to  attach it to you know stress yeah and and so when   she was four she ended up on medicine because I'd  done all the other things and it just helped her   tremendously but the big add story in my life is  her older sister always sweet um just a a lovely   human being but I'm going to cry when I say this I  never thought she was very smart and it breaks my   heart but she had the inattentive type of ADD and  in high school so I had her tested in third grade   cuz I'm like something's not right um and the  psychologist basically told me not in these words   but I I know how to read test is she's not very  smart but she'll be okay because she works so hard   uh that she'll overcome her learning challenges  and an eighth grade she won a presidential scholar   award not for academics but for effort wow and  uh 10th grade she fell apart she was staying up   every night till 1 or 2:00 in the morning to get  her homework done and I was really worried about   her and one night she came to me and she said um  this is 2:00 in the morning she's crying studying   genetics of all things she said I don't understand  it I will never be as smart as my friends and it   just broke my heart so the next day I scanned her  cuz I'm helping all of these people and someone I   love virtually more than anybody in the world is  struggling and she had an add brain she had that   classic add brain and I like tomorrow I'm going  to give you some medicine and I'm going to scan   you again and she goes medicine I'm not going to  take medicine I'm not like Caitlyn her sister and   I'm a child psychiatrist I know how to get my way  with children I'm like what'll it take a phone in   my room is what I'm like maybe you're smarter  than and uh when I scanned her on 10 milligrams   of Rin her brain normalized wow and I'm like  oh my goodness and I'm like so you want the   medicine or not cuz I showed her she's goes dad I  felt it almost immediately and a week later uh I   took her out to dinner and I'm like so what do you  think she's like oh my god dad you can't believe   the difference she said in class an hour class  seemed like it would go by eight it seemed like   it was eight hours long and I was always lost and  I was very religious I'm like what she said I was   praying to God that the teacher would not call on  me in class and now that same class seems like it   goes by in 20 minutes and I raise my hand because  I can participate yeah and I think I'm going to be   a geneticist I'm like what and three months later  got her report card she had Straight A's that was   the first time she'd ever gotten Straight A's and  the next 10 years she got straight A's she got   into the University of edinburgh's veterinarian  school one of the best veterinarian schools in   the world and if I wouldn't have looked if I would  have missed that diagnosis I would have condemned   her to a life of mediocrity yeah and I I hate that  and many of the women when I diagnose them usually   they bring in their boys because their boys are  acting up in school and I'm like yeah yeah Z where   does it come from because virtually it's almost  always genetic unless they've had a concussion or   some toxin I'm like they bring me the bo like oh  where is it coming from you know mom's side dad's   side and when I diagnose women in their 30s or 40s  and they get treated for it they get better but   then some of them actually get depressed because  they start mourning the loss of what could have   been if somebody would have recognized it when  they were eight or 10 or 12 I'm I appreciate you   giving that angle I think my husband and I could  relate in a lot of ways he is I mean I don't know   if you've met him but he is classic ADHD pretty  bad ADHD and I was diagnosed with ADD as well in   high school but mine went unnoticed because I was  so shy and quiet no one would have ever have known   that I wasn't paying attention and I don't know  that both of us ever really found a good fix we   didn't have a doctorat in our lives back then  so both of us struggled academically the whole   way through college and luckily we found health  and fitness and we were able to build our company   together and find something we're so passionate  about but what advice would you give someone like   me who's married to someone with ADHD or a parent  with a child with ADHD how do you stay patient how   do you support them what tips would you give go  to the doctor with them because people who have   ad add or ADHD they're often disorganized in their  head and so it's hard for them to go to fill out   the paperwork to be consistent and it's a family  problem um yeah in my book healing add there's a   whole chapter on the games add people play and  the first game they play lets have a problem   uh so that sort of conflict seeking Behavior can  be so stressful on their Partners uh I have this   funny story because I haven't thought about it  for years I had this couple I was seing um and   he had terrible ad ADHD and the wife he's like 64  red hair big beard and his wife's like 5T maybe   and she sits down and she goes he's going to kill  me and I'm like so now I'm really paying attention   I'm like what it's like he scares me I think what  do you mean he hides behind the walls at home   and as she walks down the hallway he'll jump in  front of her just to see her but that's the sort   of excitement seeking conflict seeking I put him  on medicine and then I walked out I was going to   lunch and I saw he had two dogs in the back of  his truck and he was torturing the dogs he was   teasing the dogs I'm like why are you teasing the  dogs and he goes oh they love it and clearly they   didn't love it and so I'm thinking I'm going to  raise his medicine just you know in one day I'm   going to save This Woman's life and these dogs  lives but it's that conflict seeking Behavior   often moms will say if we have a bad morning at  home my child has a good day at school and if   we have a good morning at home we have a bad day  at school so I talk about it in raising mentally   strong kids is don't be your kids Ridin because  kids who have ADD Caitlyn was totally like that   they're masterful at like pushing your buttons and  getting you to scream Caitlyn used to run up to   her brother and kick him as hard as she could and  then run away laughing and if he didn't chase her   she'd go kick him again wow wow I'm just thinking  of Greg right now and the chaos that he loves to   create in our lives but it also has benefited us  in a lot of ways because he's so passionate about   what we do so and they make often great CEOs he's  a Fantastico as there's somebody to organize them   because if they don't the IRS gets involved in  their life because they don't follow through and   do the things that they need to do that's why  we have such a big team pay your taxes so if   you can find someone you love to help you with  organization and you're not opposing them yeah   uh that will be helpful so much and your brain's  not so much of an add I don't think so either if   I would I I would have diagnosed you more with an  obsessive brain and your problem with focus is not   that you can't pay attention it's that you cannot  shift your attention which sort of means you have   trouble paying attention because your brain is  always locked into these loopes absolutely yeah   and after you told me that I definitely noticed  it more and was able to address it from that lens   little bit of a unique question when it comes to  raising kids how do you create mental toughness in   a child who's born into a successful family do  you get what I'm saying yeah um yeah I adopted   my two nieces so I have six kids and three  of them are adopted um and they grow up in   chaos um don't do too much for them this is very  important if you do too much for them you will   steal their self-esteem so when they give you  a problem Daddy I'm bored don't go fix it for   them give it back to them always give it back  to them it's like oh I wonder how you're going   to solve that and then shut up like successful  parents talk way too much it's like let me teach   you all the things that I've learned no bonding so  important requires two things time actual physical   time and so often successful people are busy um  there's an exercise in the book I love so much   called special time 20 minutes a day do something  with your child your child wants to do and during   that time no commands no questions no directions  so powerful um if you're parents are reasonable   that's the one thing children want from you  it's time and listening and I teach people   about active listening and the book so powerful  but then and this is the love and logic part of   it I wrote the book with Dr Charles Fay who's the  president of the love and logic Institute is you   want to teach kids to be competent and kids become  competent when they solve their own problems but   if you have low self-esteem you get self-esteem  by solving their problems don't do that so for   example how I fell in love with love and logic  is when Chloe our 20-year-old was six or seven   she was a Helen and her mother was often mad at  her but her mother was doing way too much for   her like she had homework in second grade and her  mother would sit with her and I'm like you've done   your you've done second grade she needs to do this  um she read parenting with love and logic she took   all of their online courses she became certified  to teach love and logic and she announces to Chloe   one night at dinner sweetheart I'm never going  to ask you to do your homework again I've done   second grade if you don't do it you'll pay the  consequences your teacher will be mad at you you   won't go out to recess and if you really don't  do it you'll make new friends when you repeat   second grade whoa Chloe like exploded I never said  I wasn't going to do it I was just not going to do   it now ran off 20 minutes later came back no one  ever asked her to do her homework again and she's   finishing at chob at University and gets great  grades and she's just completely responsible right   but if she forgot her lunch nobody brought it to  her it's on her to bring your lunch to school if   she didn't bring her homework nobody's bringing  it to her it's on her so help them be responsible   by not rescuing them too often successful people  rescue M and they don't realize they're stealing   the child self-esteem and there's this great study  out of Harvard where they looked at 454 inner city   Boston school kids and they followed them for 70  years looking at what goes with health success   self-esteem addiction the only thing that went  with self-esteem was whether or not you worked   as a child whether or not you had chores at  at home you had a paper route when I was 10   I went to work uh my dad's grocery store it um  gives you a sense of competence yeah I agree I   think having a sense of purpose and knowing that  you are responsible for something makes you feel   like you matter I grew up in a town with a lot  of wealthy kids and I watched I mean I've watched   them the trajectory from fifth grade to now and so  many of the super successful kids that came from   wealthy families end up depressed and not doing  well because they just lack that purpose and it   makes me think you know I grew up having to pick  myself up off the ground which I'm so grateful for   now it's really built my character but I think  when I have children Greg and I talk about like   how are we going to create that environment for  them you know without giving them too much because   I'm sure it's tempting to want to swoop in and  save your children you love them so much but you   realize it's not love Yeah to do too much because  you want to create competent people and the first   step to raising mentally strong kids is know  what you want right I think it's the first step   for everything in life what's the goal like with  my wife I want a kind caring loving supportive   passionate relationship I always want that I  don't always feel like it rude thoughts show   up or impulsive actions like show up in my head  and I'm like does it fit does it fit the goals   I have and if I'm clear my behavior follows with  children I want to be present I want to be firm I   want to be kind because that's what the research  says is best and I want to raise responsible   resilient mentally strong kids so if that's the  goal all of my behaviors stem from the goal yeah   and then the second thing is bonding the third  thing it's guidelines boundaries rules like I I   think all families should have rules like we treat  each other with respect um we put things away we   take out it's like no I'm not doing your dishes  you did them you you made them you do them and   it's I'm creating that sense of responsibility  in them um notice what you like about them way   more than what you don't like about them supervise  them you know your brain's not done until you're   25 your prefrontal cortex that front third of your  brain the most human thoughtful part of your brain   Focus forethought judgment impulse control it's  actually not finished developing until you're 25   and all of the this nonsense about marijuana is  innocuous alcohol is a health food those lies are   damaging the developing brain because if you  send away you know a kid away to college and   then in a fraternity or sorority it's non-stop  drugs and alcohol and so I'm actually not a fan   of sending kids away because you take their  underdeveloped frontal loes and you put them   in a fraternity with where everybody else has got  underdeveloped frontal loes it's the prescription   for trouble yeah I can speak firsthand in saying  it is a prescription for trouble for sure that's   why my brain is a little bit bumpy um really quick  give us your feelings on Diet Coke because I feel   like there's an obsession with Diet Coke being  this like healthy for you option when it comes to   calorie counting and what's your take on Diet Coke  yeah used to I used to think it was free but it's   poison um sucrose or aspartame they disrupt the  microbiome uh the 100 trillion bugs you have in   your gut that make neurotransmitters and digest  your food detoxify your body and support your   immune system it's poison to you plus the research  shows that if you're drinking diet coke you're   more likely to be overweight you're more likely to  have diabetes IES it's not your best friend would   what I do cuz I grew up loving soda it just  didn't love me back is I get sparkling water   and there's a company I like called Sweet Leaf  they make 10 different flavors of liquid Stevia   I like their chocolate um and I never suffer so  you just have to find foods and drinks you love   that love you back m right I don't know if you've  ever been in a bad relationship well I've been in   bad relationships and I'm not doing that anymore  you know I have the love of my life I love her   she loves me back well I'm damn sure not doing  it with food right I mean I might love Rocky   Road ice cream but it makes me fat depressed and  feeble-minded so no I love that so much we before   we wrap up we talk a lot about Women's Health on  the show and we're talking a lot about fertility   at the moment and I'm curious if brain health has  an impact on fertility of course it does because   you get your brain healthy every other part of  you becomes healthy right you got to get your   heart healthy because your heart supports blood  flow that supports your brain you have to get your   liver healthy because that supports detoxification  and that supports your brain the healthier you   are the more likely you are to get pregnant and  this is hard for me because I'm the CEO of Amen   Clinics and when new people come work for us they  get brain healthy and we have so many babies at   the company so much maternity leave but uh one  of my favorite stories is when I was a young   psychiatrist I did a lot of hypnos is um I took a  whole month elective in it and I just loved it so   all my patients I'd hypnotized them and I actually  ran groups on the ward for the nurses because I   realized as an intern and a resident if the nurses  liked me they would protect me and help me so I've   always been a fan of nurses ended up marrying a  nurse anyways after I did a hypnosis session for   the nurses was either weight or smoking one of the  nurses came up to me and said I'm having a really   hard time getting pregnant can you help me and  she was really cute so I was paying attention and   uh I realized every time after she had sex with  her husband she was stressed and would start to   cry because she was mourning uh the fact that she  couldn't have a baby so she her aunts were fortune   telling this is isn't going to work in making  her sad and so I made her a hypnotic tape to play   after they had sex to just relax her Fallopian  tubes because you know you have a uterus Fallopian   tubes go to the ovaries help you get pregnant and  they're made of smooth muscle and anytime you're   stressed this isn't going to work it clamps the  muscle down making it less likely you're going   to get pregnant and so I made her that tape to  relax her pelvic region get rid of the ants the   bad thoughts two months later she's pregnant my  gosh now it was a mistake on my part to go home   and go you know I help this really pretty nurse  get pregnant but that's such good advice because   you know I'm trying to get pregnant right now  which is why I'm asking all these questions and   it's something I've realized on the journey is  the importance of creating a safe environment   in my body and I am someone who tends to be  a bit obsessive and I did get obsessive about   conceiving and the goal of becoming pregnant kind  of consumed my mind and my body and I feel like   that was actually counterproductive to my goal  so now I'm trying to let go a little bit um and   I love that that method so it's really helpful  well and I have an app called brainfit life   that you might want to download there are hypnosis  audios on it and I would listen to either the Peak   Performance one because it's the ultimate in Peak  Performance or the anxiety one and just listen to   it after you have sex so that you can put your  body in a more relaxed receptive environment I   love it Dr Amon where can everyone find the new  book when does it come out so it comes out March   26 I'm so excited uh people can go to raising  Mally strong kids.com there's actually free   gifts if you pre-order the book or order it in  the first week and uh they can find more about me   Doc aan on Instagram and Tik Tok or Amen Clinics  amen like last word in a prayer amen clinics.com   everyone should follow doc Aman on Instagram it's  really really useful you post great reels really   digestible information I'm a huge fan and really  enjoyed having you on the show you've had such a   big impact on my life so I'm so excited to share  it with everyone else thank you so much so great   to see you again thank thank you thanks for  joining us on the pursuit of Wellness podcast   to support this show please rate and review  and share with your loved ones if you want to   be reminded of new episodes click the Subscribe  button on your preferred podcast or video player   you can sign up for my newsletter to receive my  favorites at marian.com it will be linked in the   show notes this is a wellness outloud production  produced by Drake Peterson Fiona atex and Kelly   Kyle this show is edited by Mike fry and our video  is recorded by Luis Vargas you can also watch the   full video of each episode on our YouTube channel  at Mari Fitness love you po girls and Po Boys see   you next time the content of this show is for  educational and informational purposes only it   is not a substitute for individual medical and  mental health advice and does not constitute   a provider patient relationship as always  talk to your doctor or health [Music] Team

Channel: Mari Llewellyn

Views: 79,489

Keywords: dr. daniel amen, daniel amen, dr amen, effects of ADHD, effects of adhd medication, side effects of adhd medication, how to improve adhd, how to improve adhd naturally, adhd foods to eat, adhd foods, Fighting Negative Thinking, ADHD, BPD, How to Improve Brain Health, Borderline Personality Disorder, brain health podcast, brain health dr amen, how to overcome adhd, bpd disorder, bpd, how to fight negative thoughts, eliminate negative thinking, negative thoughts, brain health

Id: 2N7WCs5wNoM

Length: 65min 3sec (3903 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 25 2024