Because if we take a careful look at the
problems that we are facing now across the globe many parents are not fit to be
parents. really many people have married and they still have a lot of rectification and suddenly they
have children. they themselves who need to guide the children need guidance. that is
what we are faced with nowadays. you have parents who have suddenly become parents but they don't
know what parenthood is all about, because the responsibility that comes with a child is very
great and they think it's a joke and in order to address this we need
to go a little bit deeper to resolve the matters and to between the children
and the parents and to try and give the children the best of upbringing we
need to know that the husband and wife themselves need to have a sense
of responsibility and that sense of maturity and responsibility will only
come when you are disciplined, when you are strict on yourself, so many times
you have young boys I'm not so sure of the girls but I can talk for the boys. you
have young boys who have their friends they sit with their friends up to 12:00 at night and 2:00
in the morning. then a few years later they get married and when they get married they still find
themselves making the same time for their friends. that is prohibited completely, prohibited.
how can a person, how can a person who has now taken somebody's daughter still give
preference to his friends over his own wife and this is a
sickness that many people are guilty of the time that you spend with your spouse is
an act of worship in Islam. the time that you spend with your family members is an act of worship in
Islam. so many people give preference to their businesses over their family members. many people
just sit and give preference to a newspaper over their family members. it's a fact. the man comes
home from work he is tired. he does not speak to anyone. he sits down. he wants
to eat his food. he has a temper and next thing he is busy reading the paper or
he literally plans himself in front of the television and he is watching television
until late hours then he switches it often goes to sleep. he hasn't spoken
to his wife. he hasn't spoken to his children. if any one of us here are
guilty of that, today is the day you are being told directly that that is a
major sin, major sin. how can you give preference to a television
over real people, real people? another problem is also the internet;
many people give preference to the Internet and spend hours every day
until 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning laughing and joking with the screen. if you want
them to laugh really you've got to put a screen in front of them, they will see
what is known as emoticons. you know what is an emoticon; those small little
faces that you have on the screen, small cartoon style faces, they look at someone
who sent them an emoticon and they laugh. but if you talk to them they will look
at you and say hey I'm busy and I want to give you an example of a very good
friend of mine, one of my best friends, very very highly educated and he was
so intelligent he had 13 As at O-level and four As at A-level. he was
given a scholarship at the University of Oxford. some years later I met him. I told him
you know tell me what is Allah done with you, meaning you know what has happened in your life? he tells
me brother I gave up the internet. I said that doesn't make sense. I asked
him about himself and he's just telling me I gave up the Internet. so I
said what do you mean? he said that is the biggest single achievement of my
life and I was confused this was a few years back when the internet was still something new.
now, he told me he became a doctor. he actually became a psychiatrist later. he specialized. he
told me you know what happened to me I was married and I was addicted to
the internet and I was sitting with the internet every day, every single day for 6
to 7 hours and I became a person whose social life was the net. all my friends
who were on the internet, all the people I spoke to were on the Internet.
I ate and mostly I even asked for the plate of food to come in front of the
screen. so I would eat whilst I'm busy typing, whilst I'm busy looking and so
on and he says I lost my wife, in the sense that she left him. she deserted him after some time. why? because
if you are not going to give due attention to your wife who do you want her to get that from?
that's a question. many people are guilty of not spending lighter moments even
with their own wives, where do they want that wife to go and get that from? it is true and we need
to talk about it. because so many women are suffering in silence. it's a fact of life. they are too
embarrassed to mention what is going on and that is the beginning of the problem.
imagine, the children that come out of such a relationship what warped upbringing will
they have? what type of a relation will there be between parent and child,
when the parent, parent relation is nonexistent. so many people are guilty
of not understanding that they have taken someone's daughter with the name
of Allah, when we are officiating a Nikah you and I know that there are certain
verses that are read. I'm sure you all know those verses. all of those
verses have the consciousness of Allah mentioned in them and I feel and let's
listen to this very carefully that the most important verse is
the third verse that is read Oh you who believe be conscious of your lord, be conscious
of your Creator, be conscious of Allah subhanahu wata'ala and only utter that
which is upright, that which is straight, that which is full of happiness ,that
which is full of contentment, that which is full of truthfulness, that which is away from falsehood,
that which is away from deception, that which is not vulgar at all, that is the meaning of the term
.....means that which is straight. it will result in all forms of
goodness and it will keep you away from all forms of bad and evil. why is this
verse repeated when we are getting married? can I inform you of one of the
reasons? one of the reasons is that do you know that ninety percent of your
problems are caused by the tongue? ninety percent of any human beings
problems are caused by the tongue. so Allah is saying watch out, be careful how
you use that tongue of yours especially in marriage? the question I have, how many
of us utter words to make our spouses feel good? how many of us utter words to put
a smile on the faces of our spouses on a daily basis? I think a lot of us are
guilty of never doing that or doing it very little. every single day it would
be an act of worship for myself and yourselves to say a few words to make
your spouse smile, both male and female, an act of worship. if we don't do that
we will have a hollow Society. outwardly everything seems to be okay, inside
nothing is okay and people are suffering in silence. why do we need people to
suffer in silence? we don't. no one needs to suffer. Daughters are so special that when a
male marries a female, he is reminded constantly that who you have married
is the special child of someone, dear to someone. so we tell the husbands
that when you look at your wife don't just look at her as your wife. that's not
the only title she has. she had a title before that which was more
dear and more valuable. what was it? she's the daughter of so-and-so. she
also has her own family that loves her and respects her. so do not disrespect her,
do not abuse her like they say don't make her cry and when my wife cries I
always tell her I'm supposed to... I'm not supposed to allow you to cry. she
says I cry out of joy, mashallah, okay. that's good. that's a good sign. so if you're
crying out of joy and happiness and Ahamduillah, but if you're
crying out of you know sadness ,you stuck, there's no way forward...
wallahi, Allah has heard the cry of a wife and a daughter. if you
take a look at Surah Al-Mujadilah named after a woman who came through
in order to present her case to Muhammad sallallaahu Salaam where the husband
became disinterested in her. listen to this and in sha Allah I will end on this
note, I tell you very interestingly there was a woman known as Khawla Bint Thalabah RA, so what
happened to her is she was married and mashallah you know a pretty beautiful woman, next
thing expecting she has a child and when you have a child what happens?
subhanAllah, people forget that you've now borne children, you've graduated into a new
level of you know motherhood now and so on. you will not be the same girl you used to be 20 years
back. things have to change, perhaps you may change in so many ways you become
wiser and perhaps you may even become a little bit heavier. may allah subhanahu wa ta
ala grant us ease. she complained because her husband started losing interest
or showed disinterested he was not interested and he started saying whenever she was trying
to get his attention he would say you just like my mother. it's okay
you know you just like a mother ..., just
like my sister and so on. she went to Mohammed (saw) crying,
weeping, complaining... what do i do? this man is saying this to me. he refuses to touch me and
at the same time he is the one who impregnated me, he gave me the children. he is the one who
did this this. when i married him i was in tip-top shape and so on. my mothers
and sisters I just want to pause for a moment to tell you that that does not
mean that when you have given birth you should just lose yourself. no, go back you
will be able to retain a lot if you work on it. may Allah Subhanahu WA Ta'ala
help us, whether there are sit-ups, leg ups whatever you want to call them, they work. trust me they actually
work, dedicatedly. so don't use a hadith in order for you to throw yourself. you know to the side,
no, work on it. you will feel good by the will of Allah. like I said do it for
the right reasons. going back to this narration. so as she's complaining do you know what
happened? the prophet (saw) obviously, it's a difficult situation, what do you say? you need
to convince the man. verses were revealed.... indeed Allah has heard the argument
of the woman who has come to you complaining to Allah subhanahu wata'ala, Allah has heard
it and then He gives the response and it's a long set of verses where Allah speaks of the
punishment of those who say those type of statements and how special and important the woman
is. you don't say these words. so may Allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala help us to make
the correct decisions in life.
