- Hey guys, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, what's up? How's it going? And if you're coming back, what's up? How's it going? It's really good to see you again, dude. I hope you're doing well. You see what happens when
you subscribe to my channel? You get an extra greeting at the beginning of every
single one of my videos. So press that subscribe
button for an extra greeting. Picked the wrong time to grow my hair out. (chuckling) I need it trimmed so bad,
but I can't leave my house. So we're stuck with this. Okay, let's get into it. Folks.
(clapping) I watched a lot of television
when I was a kid, okay? Like so much television while the other kids on
my street were outside, you know playing hide and
seek, or like skateboarding, I was usually with them 'cause
they were my good friends. But when I was by myself, I
was watching TV all the time. And I don't want to sound like a boomer literally 20 seconds into the video, but I feel like my generation
had the best TV shows, dude. You know, we had like the
Weekenders, Rocket Power, That's So Raven, Uh Oh,
Mantracker, Prank Patrol, Beyblade, Yu-Gi-Oh, Digimon, the list goes on. And I could have lived a
beautiful, normal, peaceful life, if I had just watched those
shows for my childhood. But one day when I was around 13 years old this older kid on my street,
who will remain nameless, he told me and my good friend Connor about this little channel called Spike TV. And yes, my best friend
growing up was named Connor. And my last name is Conner and
it confused a lot of people. But anyways, back to Spike TV. Right off the bat, me and
Connor were hooked, dude. A channel called Spike. What's up? You're pointy and cool? I'm listening. Okay, tell me more. So James brought me... Oh, supposed to remain nameless. (chuckling) Fuck it. James sat us down in
front of his television, and he turned on Spike TV. And life as I knew it changed forever. I was used to Tommy
Pickles and Chuckie Finster giggling about farts and dancing lobsters on the Amanda Show, but now, I'm seeing stuff like this. (clicking) (engine revving) (exhaling) (booming) (bell ringing) (exhaling) (booming) (guns banging) (explosion booming) (glass shattering)
(exhaling) That was the real commercial for Spike TV, I shit you not. Guns, cars, boobs,
punches, and boobs again. And me being a 13 year old boy, oh my God. (chuckling)
That's heaven, dude. So we watched Spike TV
for the rest of the day. And for the next few
years we watched that. We watched 1000 Ways To Die, American Gladiators, MXC, which I used to think was really funny, but rewatching it now it's pretty racist. It is exactly what a 13 year old boy going through puberty wants to see. Dudes doing dumb shit, poop jokes, guys getting hurt, and like
pretty girls in bikinis, right? That's, that's all you need when you're a 13 year old
boy going through puberty. That's all you need, dude. At least one of those things were present in a Spike TV show, but there was one show that
had all of them all the time. And it was a show that kinda encapsulated all of what Spike TV is. And that show is, of course, Manswers. If you've seen the show, Manswers, you're well aware of this insanity, or maybe you've seen it and repressed the memories
of you ever seeing it which I actually understand, but, oh boy, if you've never seen Manswers fuckin' buckle up, dude. The IMDB page for Manswers reads as such. Various stupid, and some
very interesting questions are answered by men. And that sums it up pretty well. They're answers for man. Man answers. Manswers. Sometimes we have more mquestions
and they need Manswers. So today we're gonna take
a trip down memory lane. We're gonna watch a few Manswers segments, and we'll find out if the show is actually as
insane as I remember it to be. Unfortunately, Spike TV
doesn't really exist anymore. You can't really find, it was really fuckin' hard
to find clips of this show. There's some on YouTube, but I unfortunately had to order a best of Manswers DVD from Amazon. (grunting) And if the cover is awesome as this, I can't wait to watch the actual show. I could just put this
on my TV and watch that. And I'd be happy. You know we got some cars, we got a pretty girl wearing a camisole. We've got some poker
chips, some dice or die. We got some kegs there, handcuffs, and some astronauts for some reason. (chuckling) I mean this right here is just like a typical
night with the boys, right? Am I right guys? You know, we drank a keg of beer, we gambled, we drove around a bit, we wore our camisoles, and then we trained for years to someday fulfill our
dream of going into space. I guess you could say that when we go out, it's out of this world. (upbeat music)
(chuckling) It's out of this world. (chuckling) So the first Manswer we're gonna watch is called Which Stall
Is The Cleanest Of All? Because only men poop, girls don't poop. That's fact. Girls are poopless. - [Announcer] That
triple chili cheeseburger tasted good going down, but now there's a brown bomb forcing its way out of your missile silo. Quick, you gotta choose! The first, the middle, or the back stall! Pick the wrong one, and you can come under fatal fecal attack when you drop a deuce! - Holy shit, man, I thought
my videos were overboard. You guys should just be happy I don't fuckin' edit like this, dude. That'd be a nightmare. You get fuckin' aneurysm
anytime you watch my videos. Like if my videos were just like, so I was walkin' to the the bank, and then I saw Barack
Obama playing baseball. I thought he was the 44th
president of the United States, but here he is on third base. Huh? - Fecal bacteria is the bacteria that you find in your feces, and that includes E. Coli and salmonella. They can cause severe diarrhea, and that can cost you your life. - [Announcer] Crapping can kill? (laughing) - Crapping can kill? (laughing) Dude... - [Announcer] The cleanest commode that's virtually free of fecal funk is... The first stall! (dinging) The next time your bowels
are about to burst, drop your deuce in the first pooper, or you could dump yourself to death! (explosion booming) - So, there is a Manswer for you. That's what they're like. It's just a whirlwind of
unnecessary effects and edits, bad puns and fuckin' fart jokes, and I'm describing my videos. Fuck.
(laughing) I literally just described
every single one of my videos. Shit.
(echoing) I bought this DVD, but I, to be honest, I couldn't really use a lot
of the things from the DVD because they put their
raunchiest ones on there. But what I will show
you is a quick montage of how many times they start a Manswer with "boobs are awesome!" Or "we love boobs!" So here's that. - [Announcer] Number 16. We love boobs! Number eight. Boobs and beer! Number six. Boobs are awesome. And now, the number one
Manswer of all time! Boobs rule! Bonus Manswer! Boobs come in two varieties! - Let's watch one more from the DVD so I can actually justify this purchase. This one is called How Can You Make Your
Girlfriend Less Bitchy? This was a thing they were
allowed to put on television and everyone was just fine with it. - [Announcer] Babes are so damn hot. Their sexy bodies could drive you wild! (upbeat music) But then they open their
mouths and drive you insane. Every dude knows what it's like. (laughing) - Hey, excuse me, sir? Excuse me, Manswer? Whoa, dude. Chicks are hot. But then they fuckin' talk, and I'm like shut the fuck up. And then me, 13 years old,
I was like, ah, okay, cool! Holy shit, man. - [Announcer] Every dude
knows what it's like to be on the receiving
end of a total bitch out. It sucks. - I don't think I've ever even heard you say that you love me. (laughing) - I feel like that's a total, that's a totally okay thing
to be upset about, right? - I don't think I've ever even heard you say that you love me. - I got to talk to you about something. We've been together for like five years, and I've never heard you
say that you love me. Okay? I say all the time,
you never say it to me. What's up? Oh my God. You are such a bitch. I swear to God. I'm trying to watch baseball
with my friend here. Okay? Obama's on third. Leave me alone. What are you even talking about? There's no friend with you right now. You're just by yourself. What? Your friend died two years ago, okay? You need to accept it. I won't accept it, it's not true! He's right, he's right here! He's always right-- I'm sorry.
(crying) It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault. I know. I'm sorry. I love you. (exhaling) Such a bitch, right buddy? Yeah dude, she really is. I'm actually been here the whole time. Ah, what? - [Announcer] So, how do you
solve this age old problem? The answer's in your pocket! (dinging) - Well it seems that you can
make your girlfriend happy by having sex with her. - [Announcer] Sex? Really? - [Dr. Ava Cadell] Well,
scientific evidence shows that semen has hormones
that work as antidepressants. - Who would have thought? Semen is the cure for depression. - Wow.
- Wow. Are you in a rut? Just have some nut.
(splattering) (laughing)
Ugh, sorry. - [Announcer] The research psychologists who study this stuff
rated 293 female students using a classic text. - Is that the girl who studied it? That one on the bed? All right, Manswers. - [Announcer] How Can You Make
Your Girlfriend Less Bitchy? Have sex with her! (techno music) - That's what I'm talkin' about. - There you go, guys. There's the Manswer for ya. If your girlfriend is bitchin' at you just offer some intercourse. She's obviously gonna be in the mood 'cause she's pissed at you. And when she's like, oh,
but we're out of condoms. - [Disembodied Voice] Bruh. - Semen cures depression, okay? So we're going sleeveless. We're going sleeveless tonight, dude. And you'll be back watching baseball and drinking beers with
your boys in no time. Take that advice. (fanfare) Hi, I'm Kurtis Conner. You may know me from the video
you're watching right now. That whole thing back there,
that was obviously a joke. If you and your significant other are in a fight or anything,
talk to each other, you know? You know, listen to them and communicate, because communication is the
key to a healthy relationship. Is what I would say if
I was a fuckin' chick! (laughing)
(audience cheering) All right, wow, I'm learning a lot. Let's watch another one. This one is called How Can A Guy Get A Free Brewski? - [Announcer] Beer makes everything better until the cash runs dry. So how does a guy say, hit me again to the bartender and not the bouncer? (screaming) - Okay, so they want to find
out how you can get free beer, which I guess is a common issue to have even though beer is like cheaper
than water in some places. But they also, at the beginning, they also made it seem like if you run out of cash at a bar, the bouncer just kicks your ass. That doesn't happen. That doesn't happen anywhere. There's no bouncer just
like lurking around the bar to see who has an empty wallet, right? But maybe there should be. (humming) I wonder what that would look like. What that would look like. What that would look like. And then I said, that's Obama. What's he doing on third base? (laughing)
No way, that is too funny. Hey man, do you want another round? It's on me. Oh, yeah, yeah, that'd be great. Awesome. Hey man, can we get, can we get two more beers, please? Sure thing, buddy. (rattling) Awesome, thank you so much. Okay, how we doing? Everybody still got cash? Okay, good. Here ya go. That'll be $12. Uh... (low humming) (tense music) (thudding) Oh, got him! (laughing)
(screaming) Broke ass. He's fuckin' dead, why did you do that? What do you mean why did I do that? I'm the bouncer. He was out of cash, that's my job. What the fuck, that's
not what bouncers do! Also, he could have just
paid with his credit card. Oh yeah, I guess you're right. (chuckling)
Duh. Everyone stop, police. Bouncer!
Ah shit. You're under arrest for the
murder of Man Number One. Yeah, that's fair. I'll go down on the floor. Slap these cuffs on you. This is my 10th bouncer
tonight, you guys make me sick! Yes, good, thank you, arrest this guy. Hey, come on, he's just doing his job! Thank you. You're right, I am. Not you, idiot, the bouncer! Hey, so I guess this is a bad
time to ask for a raise huh? (romantic music)
I mean, no, not at all. You know, I was actually
thinking maybe tomorrow you and me could-- No, he's going to jail for
like a really long time. Oh. Dang, okay. All right, get up, you're going downtown. Hey well, it looks like I gotta bounce. (dinging) (romantic music) The fuck's going on? Another bouncer off the streets. Hey, wait for me! I'll wait for you on the outside. Wait for me on the outside! There he goes. The love of my life. (romantic music) What the fuck? Hey man, you still need
to pay for these beers. Aw, weak! (humming) Yeah, I guess it would probably
go something like that. - [Announcer] Maybe the
best way to get free beer is to go to the source. The heaven of hops, a brewery! (church choir singing) According to the Brewers Association, most companies give free samples
at the end of their tours, but they're teeny! - But they're teeny! (laughing) Oh my God. Chill, buddy. - [Announcer] Hey, lots
of bars have ladies nights where chicks chug for free. Should dudes dress up in
drag and drink on the house? According to the University of Arkansas, the larynx, commonly
known as the Adam's Apple, protrudes from the neck 30 degrees more in men than in women. So that would blow at
dude's cover in no time! (whistling) (alarm buzzing) - Okay, I guess? Dude, I also love how the way
they show the larynx, right? The way they display what the larynx is, is to show like a hot
girl rubbing her neck. (laughing) They couldn't have just shown
a medical diagram, right? (alarm buzzing) That's the answer, dude. That's how you teach guys stuff. Like when I was in school, I
was terrible at math, right? But dude, if they wrote the
equations on some boobies? Aw man.
(cheering) I'd get straight A's. Or B's or C's or double D's, right fellas? (cheering)
Booby jokes! - [Announcer] How Can
A Guy Get Free Brewski? - Tell me! - [Announcer] All he's
gotta do is go and get it at the local public landfill! - What? Okay. - [Announcer] According to
the Brewers Association, less than 1% of their waste was disposed in landfills in 2009. But that's still an astounding 45 million beer bottles a year! - So their genius Manswer to get free beer is to just search through fucking garbage, like shitty diapers and
fuckin' rotten celery and old carrots and dog shit to maybe find a few cases of expired beer. If you're willing to go to
a landfill for free beer, stop watching Manswers, and start watching intervention
'cause you need help. - [Announcer] Two sanitation workers from a public Missouri landfill
scored 50 cases of beer that were past their expiration dates. But those dates are just suggestions. - Wow, okay. So semen cures depression,
dumpster beer is free. I'm learnin' a lot. - [Announcer] How Can
A Guy Get Free Brewski? At a public landfill! - Dude, how the fuck did
they find this voiceover guy. Right? I want to see who this guy is. Matt Short, huh? He's usually producer. He's produced a bunch of shows, but he's only narrated Manswers. That's weird. Why is that weird? I don't know why that's weird,
but that's really weird. That's the only narration job he's ever done is for Manswers. Maybe that's just like his
regular voice, you know? And then when the producer, when they were making Manswers, they're like, okay, who the fuck are we gonna
find for this voice? We need someone who's like high energy and almost clinically insane. But one of the producers like, oh, I could just fucking
call my buddy Matt Short. I think he's perfect for this. Let me call him up. Hey, hey Matt? Hey buddy, how's it goin'? Yeah, I'm all right, thank you. I'm just gonna cut right to the chase. We got this voiceover gig. Sure, I'll do it! I didn't even say what it was yet. I'm doing it for free and that's final. Sorry, one second. I'm in the middle of my wife's eulogy. You say eulogy? My wife's boobs where awesome! Guys, he's perfect. Okay, so this next one, we won't watch the whole thing, but there's just one clip that I saw that perfectly summarizes the whole show. (chuckling) So I just learned how
to turn my pickup truck into a hot tub. Yee yee. - [Man] Them stuck up jerk offs with them expensive hot
tubs got nothing on you. - And then the mquestion after that was How Many People Have Been
Killed By Vending Machines? Which is a question all
men have in their lives. There's one part in particular, they're explaining why vending
machines tip over so often, and I'm just gonna play it for you. So here it is. - [Man] The point is for a vending machine a lot of a weight are all up near the top. So it makes it top heavy. - [Announcer] Yeah, dude, it's top heavy. Just like a chick with giant jugs. (laughing) - Yeah, dude, it's top heavy. Just like a chick with giant jugs. (laughing) Dude, oh my God, I could
watch that on repeat for the rest of my life and I'd be fine. Hey guys, I'm editing right now. Just wanted to show you a
quick clip that I found. I wish I saw it when I was filming. But I just need to show
you it really quick, 'cause I laughed really
hard when I saw it. (explosion booming) - [Announcer] Can You Fart
So Hard Your Balls Explode? (lips smacking) - Amazing. Okay, back to the video. Manswers should be incorporated into the, you know, the common vocabulary
that we all use, right? Like you can answer something, you can give a normal
response to a question, that's an answer. But if you Manswer something, you just scream crazy fuckin' shit. Like from now on, I'm not
answering my phone, okay? I'm not answering my phone
for the rest of my life. I will be Manswering
my phone and that's it. (phone ringing) Oh, wow. Getting a call right now. Look at the timing on that! Crazy. - [Man] Hey Kurtis, how's it going? - Ever notice how women get
hot around Thanksgiving? So I think we understand Manswers so far. And I think like, the
information that they give is sometimes like really interesting. Like if you take out all the
poop jokes, the cleavage shots, and all that, like it's a
really informative show. But when I watch it, I'm not
like, oh, this is a cool fact. I'm just laughing so hard. 'Cause it's just so
over the top and insane. And I used to watch a show all the time and see no issue with it at all. I thought this was like
yeah, this is normal stuff. I was 13 years old watching the show, and I was like, oh cool! So you can tell what a
girl's personality is like based on the shape of their boobs. That's awesome. That was a real Manswer by the way. Okay, let's watch the next one. - [Announcer] How Can
You Get Drunk Faster? Stick it up your ass! - Okay, nevermind, let's
not watch that one. (chuckling) Let's skip that for sure. - [Announcer] What Is The Surefire Way To Put Your Junk In That Trunk? Dude, maybe you should
pick up a college chick! - So they're trying to find out the best way to put
your junk in the trunk, which is butt stuff. - [Disembodied Voice] Oh my God. - [Announcer] Brazilian babes are known to like the kinky stuff. But according to the
University of California, San Francisco, only 60% of them let guys bring up the
rear in their conga line. The only way to have 100% chance of parking your car in the garage is to park your car in the garage! And then screw it! (romantic music) Seriously! Park your car in the garage! And then screw it! - Dude. (chuckling) Hold on. - [Announcer] Dudes who play
hide the banana in the tailpipe have fetish called mechaphilia. - So Manswers, you're saying the best way to do butt stuff with a girl is to fuck your car. (exhaling) Guys, that wasn't the question! Okay, I need Manswers! Maybe if the question was like, hey, what's the best way to fuck a car? Then that's a great
answer for that one, dude. That's like, if someone
asks you a question, they're like hey, what
do you do for a living? And you were just like, yeah, well the sequel was pretty good, but I still think the first Frozen was better than Frozen 2. Like, hey man, not the answer
to the question I asked. - [Announcer] Cool her
down by turning her off before you get turned on. - What are you, why? Why, why? Dude... - [Announcer] Put your
hot rod in a hot rod. - Now I've spent a lot of
time watching this show, and I feel like I have the formula down, and I'm feeling inspired, okay? So I have made the perfect Manswer, okay, the Manswer to end all Manswers. - Final answer? - Yes, Regis Philbin,
this is my final Manswer. Enjoy! Guys love boobs, but
what's better than boobs? Boobs covered in beer! Awooga! I'd literally kill a man
for some beer covered boobs. I've done it before, I'll do it again! Guys love boobs and beer, but what if we could only have one? (vomiting) Ew, that guy just fucking puked! Which Is Best... Boobs or Beer? Researchers at Yee Yee University conducted a seven year study
on guys about boobs and beer, but the results were
too awesome to publish! If you're stranded on a
desert island with only beer, well that would be pretty fuckin' sweet! But if you were stuck on a
desert island with only boobs, that'd be pretty fucking sweet too! - [Disembodied Voice] Yeah! - [Kurtis] The real Manswer to the question boobs or beer is.... Fuck your car! (car honking)
Do it! Fuck your car! Car happy now, me like happy car! Boobies! So there you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry I had to show that to you. I have too much free time. Well, there's no real way
to segue into the ad read, so thank you to Express VPN
for sponsoring this video, let's talk about them for a quick sec. If you've been watching
my channel for a while, you already know all about Express VPN and why they're the best. But if you haven't given them a try yet, now is the perfect time! I've been using Express VPN
to protect my online data for over a year now. And I use it literally every single day on all of my devices. Did you know that without a VPN, a virtual private network, your credit card information is wide open to hackers when you're online shopping on an un-encrypted network? Well, it's true! And if a hacker discovers
your information, they can spend your money,
access your accounts, all because you didn't have
Express VPN protection. And that's scary, okay, it's spooky. I don't want them to take my money. I need my money so I can buy season two. And there's a ton of VPNs out there, but I'm gonna tell you why
Express VPN is the best. They have the fastest speeds. They have apps for every device. It's easy to use. You can connect with just one click. And Express VPN is rated
the number one VPN service by Tech Radar. Another incredible thing about Express VPN is they have servers in 94 countries. So if you want to access content that's blocked in your country, just a few clicks and
the problem's solved. And I just want to say that feature has been especially amazing this past week because I have not left my house at all. So it's nice to have options when I'm going to watch
something, you know? Now this sounds too
good to be true, right? This must cost a billion
bajillion dollars. (alarm buzzing) It doesn't, okay? Express VPN is less than $7 a month with a 30 day money back guarantee. So take back your internet privacy today and find out how you can
get three months free by clicking the link in the description, or just go to ExpressVPN.com/KurtisTown. And if you give it a try you'll be directly
supporting me and my channel. And I really appreciate it. So thank you to you, and thank you to Express VPN for sponsoring yet
another one of my videos. All right. That was fun. Thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed the video,
please press a like button, because one line equals
one boob full of beer. Leave a comment, let me know what you thought of the video. Let me know if you remember this show. Let me know if you want me
to do a part two of this, 'cause there is a lot more episodes that I didn't go through. Yeah, or any other shows you
want me to make videos about, 'cause I have a lot of
fun doing this stuff. Press subscribe button
if you're not subscribed. I make a video every single week, and you'll be the first to
see it if you're subscribed. And as soon as you press
the subscribe button, you become a valued
citizen of Kurtis Town. If you don't know, Kurtis Town is the best
place to live in the world. And I'm the mayor. So you have to be nice to me. It's the law. If you want to see the other things I do, you can check out the description. My Instagram, my Twitter, my weekly podcast called Very Really Good. It's a lot of fun. If you like my videos, you'll
enjoy the podcast as well. I got merch down there. I just released some of
the west coast tour merch that we had leftover. So, you know, if you want to scoop it up, you went to one of the shows and you missed your
shot to get some merch, or if you didn't even go to the shows. Fuck it. Grab some merch if you want. But yeah, that's it, thanks for tuning in. I have to go though, sorry. I have to go to the landfill 'cause I'm a thirsty little garbage boy. See ya! (soft music) (cheering)
