(bell rings) - "How can I free myself from
my enormous desire and longing for a spiritual relationship with a man? Although I do understand my
desire for such a relationship, after 25 lonely and
painful years of marriage during which I could not give myself nor my ex-husband the love and acceptance that we were both longing for, I feel at the same time that this desire is the biggest trigger of my pain-body. Even during this beautiful retreat, my pain-body is sometimes active for this reason. I'm aware of that. Since a long, long time, I feel a strong attraction towards a man. I hardly talked to him. I feel a strong attraction towards a man. I hardly talked with him because this attraction freezes me and makes me feel uncomfortable, because it feels almost unspiritual to have this earthly longing. Anyhow, these are the
moments which keep me away from the now. Help needed." (audience laughs) In brackets, "Ha-ha. I'm very grateful to be
with you. Thank you." That longing is in everyone. And as I mentioned earlier, it's to do with being this incomplete form. And this form wants to unite with the other
half, to complete itself. So you, as this physical form, may never be quite free of that longing. But as you go beyond identification with the physical form and
the psychological form of me, that longing becomes an almost peripheral
manifestation in your life. No longer makes you unhappy if it is not fulfilled. The psychological me uses that longing as a substitute for surrender. The belief that through some relationship I can complete myself. That the psychological sense of self which also is not complete. The physical is not complete because the physical is
one half of the whole. The psychological is not complete because it can never be. In its essence, it exists
in a state of lack, of not enough, of insufficiency, of needing to add more. And the one thing that the self, the psychological self, believes often will make me complete is the relationship with the partner, the ideal, the one. And that can keep you going, that search can keep you
going for a long time, for the one human being who
is going to complete me. On the physical, that pull... remains. On the psychological, that
longing for completeness is transcended, is gone beyond, as you no longer identify with the mental image of me, as you step out of identification
with the mind-made self which is always incomplete, and will project its
incompleteness, in many cases, onto that one thing that says, "If only I had a partner, I would feel saved, totally myself, complete myself
through him or through her." And if you should find a partner, for a while that may work, and then you find you
cannot complete yourself through any form whatsoever. So what leaves you through surrender to what is, and which
in your case might mean the feeling of great lack, the feeling of aloneness, the longing for him. You may not know who. And there's this great lack
at the center of your being. And what do you do with that, that feeling of alone loneliness? If you're not vigilant, it becomes mind movements, it adds more to the story of the incomplete me who needs and you can think about it, project, imagine, and that
only strengthens that, but if you... allow what you feel to be there, say it's called loneliness, just feel it, don't resist it. You may not even label it anymore. Simply be attentive. Look at it. No analysis, just bringing presence to it. That feeling that you never wanted, that you want to get away from, that otherwise would
continuously turn into thinking, now, you're saying, "There it is." And it has a certain
feeling quality to it. And you can give it so much attention that you're not even labeling
it anymore as loneliness. The attention that you give that feeling is just complete. Your acceptance of that
feeling is complete, because it is now. It is the form that this moment takes. So you... surrender into that. You say, "All right." Embrace it and see if it kills you. It won't. It's not going to kill you. It's not going to consume you. But it might consume the ego, if you surrender into it. And then... suddenly, you will see it has turned into something else. I don't want to put any
ideas into your head and say this is what
it's going to turn into. You surrender into that, the longing becomes intense aliveness itself. The longing, if totally accepted, and that is even the
longing for God, which says, "I want God so much," on the other side of the longing, God is already hiding. (chuckles) It's a misinterpretation through the mind that says you don't
have it, it's not here. And the beloved is on the
other side of the loneliness. You then go, you suddenly
experience a sense of completeness because you've surrendered
totally into that feeling. And then you have gone beyond the need, to the psychological need, for a relationship to complete you. There may still be a physical need on the level of physical body, on the level of sexuality or emotion, that if you're a man, wanting close to you the female energy field. If you're a woman, wanting
the male energy field. This form may have that, but
that is relatively minor, it's a very small movement. But deep down there's
already such completion and completeness, that that's a very minor surface movement of the form. It doesn't make you unhappy anymore. And then it is quite possible
that you meet someone because you don't need him anymore. And then it is more likely that the relationship may work quite well because the need for this
person to make you complete, which no human being could ever fulfill. It's an impossible task
and an impossible demand. Every human being will fail,
will not make you complete. So the needs and demands
that this human being should provide that completion
for you isn't there anymore. And that is why it is
likely that the relationship may work quite well, when the need, the psychological, deep seated psychological need is gone. Then... if it happens, you'll
welcome the relationship. If it doesn't happen, that's fine too, that's beautiful too. It's not everybody's destiny. That's beautiful too, to be alone. Solitude is beautiful. Loneliness is not. Solitude is to be alone
and to be surrendered into that aloneness. Solitude, beautiful, even sacred. Loneliness is to be alone and hate it, and not wanting this. When you surrender into aloneness, it becomes solitude and solitude even becomes more than that, it becomes a deep sense of connectedness with being itself, because you'd really be looking for God through somebody else. And it's only through surrender that you can find God. So this is your spiritual practice, to work with that. Not to find him, that's not your spiritual
practice. (chuckles) "These are the moments which keep me away from the now," because that sense of incompleteness and lack still tends to
become mind movements, so it keeps you away from now. But it doesn't have to be like that. The very feeling that you experience, let it bring you into the now. Give it attention, embrace it. No need to run away from it. You welcome loneliness and then it turns into something else. Beautiful. (gentle music) This mind-made sense of self is also much more focused on the negative than the positive. To be free, you awaken to who you are beyond your history and your life situation. (uplifting music) (water rushing)
