Divorce: When the Dream is Shattered - Part B | Skip Heitzig

[Music] [Applause] [Music] this is connect with skip today we continue our smart home series with the further exploration of a conversation we find in matthew 19 between jesus and a religious leader here is lenia heitzig to introduce our program not every smart home stays intact infidelity as well as other factors can shatter the dream of happily ever after to be honest this message today will not be an easy one to hear jesus must have surprised his audience by his answers to their questions let's join skip as he continues in matthew chapter 19. [Music] all that was necessary is come up with a legal paper that says you're done what does all that translate into into simply this by the time of jesus there was rampant no fault divorce taking place men even religious men even leaders like the pharisees were dumping their wives for any reason that's why they asked the question is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason he they knew the controversy they were trying to trap him now i agree with whoever wrote this there are two processes that ought never to be entered into prematurely embalming and divorce but they were entering into divorce at the drop of a hat so it was a practical issue they brought up now jesus gives his answer and this gives us the second characteristic of divorce divorce is a biblical issue and jesus takes it back to the bible takes it out of the culture and back to the bible back to the beginning in fact verse 4 and he answered and said to them have you not read i love jesus i love this you know there's sarcasm in those words he's he knows he's addressing bible scholars guys who read their bibles and teach and memorize scripture so it goes well in all your reading have you never read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh so then they are no longer two but one flesh how do you divide one therefore what god has joined together let not man chorizo divorce separate now first of all notice jesus does not give them a direct answer they ask him a question he answers it with a question they asked a question about deuteronomy 24 he in his question brings them back to genesis chapter 1 verse 27 and genesis 2 verse 24. takes him all the way back to the very beginning before moses was ever born and god spoke on the issue now here's what i love one of the things i love so many things about this jesus gives to us a good model of bible study have you never read jesus expects you to read your bible and to know what he says on a number of issues this question could be asked of many christians have you never read i had a man i was speaking to a young man this week about some issues and prayed with him and had just a little good good time of just kind of sharing and counseling out in public and after i did he said you know skip i was told to go to another church because calvary is too advanced because you're always giving bible studies all the time you mean you have bible studies and so you know i heard that i did not quite how to take that but i said let me ask you a simple question how can you ever obey god if you don't know what god said how are you ever going to know what god wants if you never read what god wants you have no knowledge of it how are you ever going to do it so the reason we teach and emphasize bible exposition is this is our response to the biblical illiteracy of our culture and i would even say christian culture too many christians are biblically illiterate have you not read it's there for the reading well the pharisees want to talk about divorce but jesus takes them back before divorce to marriage to the beginning when god first established marriage before you can understand divorce you have to understand marriage before you can understand anything you have to understand why that anything was designed to exist so if you're going to understand divorce you have to understand marriage if you're going to understand marriage you have to understand what it was originally designed to do and be makes sense so jesus gives to us in a nutshell what it's designed to do and be number one marriage was god's idea it didn't come from some brilliant sociologist or some cultural innovation over time it came from heaven god made them god did this number two marriage is between a man and a woman notice how jesus parses his words have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and in the original language male and female are in the emphatic form one of the most damaging things done today is to blur the lines between male and female i understand we live in a free society a democratic society and that all people should be given basic human rights heterosexual homosexual transgender i believe that and i affirm that however we must take a stand for god ordained the historical definition of marriage between one man and one woman that's how god made them one man one woman so you pharisees can talk to me about divorce but let me take you back to the beginning and this is what god said he made them one man he made adam and eve he didn't there were no spares he didn't make adam and three women and eve didn't work out he had a couple more to go he had no options he made them one and one so marriage is god's idea marriage is between a man and a woman the third thing jesus affirms about marriage is that it was god's plan to create oneness with marriage he quotes genesis for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife the king james word cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh that's the process we spoke about weeks ago leaving cleaving weaving leave mom and dad establish a new relationship cleave means to be glued i've had people say i feel stuck good you are i'm hoping it's the good kind of stuck not the bad kind of stuff but that's the concept of the word you are glued you are stuck together and the two shall become one flesh so if you take two and make one how do you divide one you can't cut them in cut one in half and have two you have a half so that's god's arithmetic one plus one equals one so marriage is a romance novel in which both the hero and the heroine die in the first chapter and a new person is created that person is one flesh the two shall become one jesus then goes on to say that there's a fourth component of god's original design marriage was designed to be permanent he says therefore i love jesus it just sort of comes to a conclusion really quickly therefore what god has joined together let not man separate so he's telling them look whatever your view of marriage is and divorce god's view of marriage is a high view of marriage that it to be a permanent lifelong commitment divorce was not in god's original blueprint in genesis even though he permits it in limited circumstances we'll talk about that in a moment so get the idea the pharisees see jesus they come to him with one verse in mind one little concept in mind negating all the other verses of scripture one verse of mine by the way they this is classic proof texting you know they just want to just force their interpretation jesus goes back to the beginning to show god's intention of one flesh and if they're one flesh how do you break that up that's his point how do you separate what is one so therefore for a guy to say i'm gonna dump my wife because we're going through some problems that's like a guy saying i'm gonna cut off my leg because i found a splinter in it there are other ways to deal with it than an amputation it takes us to a third characteristic of divorce it's not just a practical issue and a biblical issue it is also a controversial issue look at verse seven they're not done he's they said to him why then you can see their feathers are ruffled why then did moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away can you spot the misconception in their question can you hear it well let me ask you did god ever through moses or anyone else ever command anyone to divorce ever was there ever a command in the bible or god said i command you divorce your what never ain't one but they ask him the question why did moses command for that to happen now that's their proof texting that's their scripture twisting they have made a divine concession into a divine command which it was never intended to be by the way that's the definition of divorce a biblical definition divorce is a divine concession to human weakness a divine concession to human never a command god invented marriage man invented divorce and in certain cases god will concede or permit a divorce to take place now the question is still sort of hanging in the air they're they're thinking deuteronomy 24 in mind so what does deuteronomy 24 mean you know you got these two definitions the narrow view and the wide view shamay and hello so what does it mean first of all understand how god feels about divorce we know how he feels about marriage but god feels something about divorce and you know probably the passage in malachi chapter 2 where it says the lord god of israel hates divorce does not hate divorced people he loves divorced people but he hates divorce so because of that you're never going to find any scripture anywhere that says if you don't like your wife or husband dump them unload the turkey you'll never find that second point on that a careful reading of deuteronomy 24 reveals that it's not teaching about divorce it's not even teaching about the certificate of divorce those are incidental it's teaching about remarriage it is forbidding marrying a former spouse that you have let go of you push out who has remarried and now divorced again it's forbidding the remarriage of that why to protect the woman so there's a little phrase in there that shamai and hillel were arguing about when a man takes a wife deuteronomy 24 1 it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her and so the question is what does that refer to something improper or something impure but what let me suggest it cannot refer to adultery you know why you know what the punishment for adultery was not divorce death in the old testament stoning to death so whatever the uncleanness was it must have been some infraction that falls short of actual adultery some impurity some promiscuity perhaps we're not told what it is whatever the uncleanness was it did not warrant a divorce how do i know that in verse 4 of that text deuteronomy 24 4 says then her former husband husband number one who's divorced her now she's on two and divorced from him and he thinks i want to take her back must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled for that as an abomination before the lord now how'd she get defiled by her her first husband divorcing her pushing her out for any reason for some reason short of unchastity and then she subsequently got married again that brought the adultery to the relationship it was the first husband's fault so the text is not advocating divorce it's protecting the woman from the first husband listen in that day and age it was a man's world as i said women had no rights and this was a law given by god to protect a woman so in the controversy they bring to jesus about divorce as jewish scholars they're neglecting the one thing god wants to protect and that is that woman one rabbi a recent rabbi a contemporary rabbi believes that divorce can actually be worse than death he said in death the big difference is death has closure divorce is never over so it's a practical issue a biblical issue a controversial issue don't have to tell you that the fourth and final divorce is a moral issue it's a moral issue verse 8 jesus now is rebutting their rebuttal he answers them he says this moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted notice the difference moses commanded no because of the hardness of your heart moses permitted you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so and i say to you that whoever divorces his wife notice these are red letters these are jesus words i say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery now as silent as it is right now in this room and i think people are going whoa that's heavy i'm guessing that the response in the crowd that day when jesus spoke those words was whoa this is heavy you know why i know that verse 10. his disciples said to him if such is the case of the man with his wife it's better not to marry they got it they understood wow that is the biblical standard from the beginning and that hasn't changed now jesus here gives the right interpretation he he gives them to them he unfolds genesis and deuteronomy and says this is this is the the meaning of it and he says it's because of the hardness of your hearts divorce always includes a hardening of the heart always whether you're the victim and you've been abused and somebody's cheated on you and you feel the horrible of that horror of that and you harden your heart against repairing anything understandable or not that's what happens or somebody says i'm just going to divorce my wife i don't love her anymore i found somebody prettier you know more exciting he hardens his heart whichever it always involves a hardening of the heart a friend of mine that i knew who's now in heaven terence kelshaw said divorce tells us the truth about man it tells us nothing about marriage now here's the core of jesus teaching in these two verses it's called the exception clause have you heard that before the exception clause is no divorce except and here's the clause except the only permissible reason except for sexual immorality that's the exception clause the word sexual immorality is porneia one word in greek porneia it's a word that describes a wide variety a wide range every kind of illicit sexual intercourse and the way the verb is written it indicates a repeated unrepentant ongoing pattern of behavior no change that's the only allowable reason for a christian to initiate a divorce no wonder the disciples said it's better not to get married to which jesus will respond and we've already covered that well since you brought that up that can be a gift from god as well to remain single right now i'm going to read to you another passage that's a parallel to this same book sermon on the mount everybody loves the sermon on the mount i meet unbelievers who say i love the sermon on the mount and i always get mystified by this you do yeah i live by the sermon on the mount or really wow i need your autograph because you're the first one i've ever met in the sermon on the mount jesus said and there were pharisees and common people he said you have heard that it has been said by those of old you shall not commit adultery but i say to you if you lust after another woman in your heart you've committed adultery in your hearts and then he said this matthew 5 furthermore it has been said whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce deuteronomy 24 but i say to you whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery so here's how he approaches it this is what you've heard you've heard that it was said you heard by shamai and halal and all the different interpretations by your system that all you need is the certificate that's the paperwork but i say to you now when he said that he's saying you this is what you've heard but i'm saying the opposite i don't allow divorce for any reason and he gives the exception now what jesus said was more than they required but not more than moses required and certainly not more than god the father required now the pharisees were in the crowd they were priding themselves on the fact well i've never committed adultery now they've divorced several wives for any reason assaulted their food too much or whatever and jesus sort of nails him on two things you guys pride yourself that you never committed adultery but you know what you lust after women and you divorce your wives for any reason therefore you are spreading adultery all over the place you're spreading it around every time a man divorces his wife without proper cause and remarries commits adultery and causes her to commit it as well his words j alan peterson wrote a book called the myth of the greener grass it's a great title the myth the grass is always greener on the other side the myth of the greener grass and he writes this a call for fidelity is like a solitary voice crying in today's sexual wilderness what once was labeled adultery and carried a stigma of guilt and embarrassment is now an affair a nice sounding almost inviting word wrapped in mystery fascination and excitement a relationship not sin what was once behind the scenes secret closely guarded is now in the headlines a tv theme a bestseller as common as a cold marriages are now open and divorces are now creative i want to give a final word to those here who feel the weight they're they're being crushed under the weight of a divorce for whatever reason maybe you were unfaithful in their relationship and this has happened and you're looking back with regret and remorse and shame and embarrassment others of you are going through one right now you didn't cause it it was caused by your spouse i want you to know something god understands and i want to encourage you to let forgiveness rule the day you've come to the right person he specializes in forgiving say well divorce is sin you're right that's why it's forgivable it's precisely why it's forgivable the reason that god speaks so strongly about divorce is that he was divorced that's right god was divorced in the old testament he speaks about his people israel who has committed unfaithfulness broke the covenant they committed spiritual adultery over and over again jeremiah the prophet has given the message that god has given her the nation a certificate of divorce so he understands the pain and if you have failed if you have sinned understand the meaning of the name of jesus that we celebrate this time of the year the angel said you will call his name jesus for he will save his people from their sin that's what he's about he forgives him and and just in case there's some hardliners around and think no you need to get harder on this it's sin i'm going to read to you i marked it somewhere yeah here it is and i hate to be quoting from my own book but i i wrote a book on this subject there's several chapters about this in the book i'm only giving you a smattering of it but it's it's not real i'm quoting somebody i got this illustration from somebody that i knew alan emery from the billy graham association he said one night his father got a call informing him that a well-known christian was passed out on the sidewalk drunk immediately his father sent his chauffeured limousine to pick up the man meanwhile his mother prepared the guest room my friend watched as she turned down the beautiful coverlets revealing the monogram sheets on the exquisite old four poster bed but mother he protested he's drunk he might even get sick i know his mother replied but this man has slipped and fallen when he comes to he will be so ashamed he will need all the loving encouragement that we can give him and let me suggest any divorced person you know needs all the love and encouragement you can give them if they have fallen down if they have caused it or if they are the victim of it they need love and encouragement and they need a hand up help up join us next week on connect with skip for more in our smart home series now we want to invite you to join us on our trip to israel hey pastor skip here well guess what i'm taking another tour to israel next spring in 2022 and i can tell you that visiting all of those places where the events of the bible took place where jesus lived taught healed it just makes the bible come alive we're going to start on the mediterranean sea we're going to head north to caesarea nazareth the sea of galilee and the jordan river we'll spend several days in jerusalem and see the western wall the temple mount the upper room the mount of olives the garden of gethsemane and much much more you can even take a swim in the dead sea climb up the hills of engetti and tour the fortress of masada and of course we'll all come together for a beautiful special communion service at the garden tomb the place where many believe jesus rose from the dead lenny and i hope that you'll join us on what is always an unforgettable trip i really hope you'll join us a trip to israel is like nothing else on earth that brings our program to a close more on the smart home next week on connect with skip thanks for joining us on connect with skip heitek we're connecting you to god's never-changing truth in ever-changing times this program is presented by connection communications

Channel: Skip Heitzig

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Keywords: Bible Study, Connect with Skip, Connect with Skip Heitzig, Skip Heitzig, Sermons, Calvary Church, How to Study the Bible

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Length: 27min 30sec (1650 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 30 2021