Finally damn it! That’s it. This is the launch. I didn’t spoil myself. Nothing at all. I’m going full yolo. New game of course.
Normal, Tactician or Explorer. Normal as I’m someone balanced. Launch the game. Ah so Baldur’s Gate asking me
to enter my computer maybe it’s a russian hacker
but that’s okay I accept. The game is really beautiful it’s-- I didn’t even see the cinematic. I’m discovering. Oh the evil Vileplume. Ah. I recognize this. I know what it is. Ah I wasn’t picturing that
in my biology book but ok. Yikes bro! Oh no! Ah no no no! I won’t have
your cum in my eyes! I’m good thank you very much! Ah no he’s weird, he wants me
to look at him while he’s doing it! Ah la la it’s gross! Stay back! No! Yeah right who am I? I’m taking the tutorials.
It’s important to read. Waah it’s beautiful! It’s true I’m tempted
by a dwarf it must be said. <i>Influences the price of traders.</i> Ouh la la you know me I love it! Oh la la this look! Small butt but big arms! Monk. Oh la la! I'm Danny Rand! Oh la! Oh la la! Oh la la POV: your uncle leaving the bar
at 8:30 a.m and he’s ravaged! Nothing to say,
definition and all! Aie aie aie! It changed Skyrim! Oh this NOSE damn! I have good soil to work there. White eyes. The justice light! Oh la la yes! Oh I love it really! Oh with this no mustache haan! There’s a potential! I love it! He’s perfect! Well there it is! I like Chunain-Li. The adventures of Chunain-Li! Well here we go!
We’re embarking on this Baldur’s Gate! With Chunain-Li let’s go! Ah! Oh you’re crazy not again!
<i>*You need a guardian angel. Choose one.</i> Come on Chunain-Li go ahead! It would be awesome! Yeah yeah! I keep it! Do we-- Yeah. Yes. Yes yes yes. Yes. It’s the guardian angel! It’s the Chunain-Li Super Saiyan 2! Oh la la! Yes maybe yes after all! It will be awesome! Wait if I-- Ah no need to find a name ok. Good. It’s my guardian angel.
Well it will be Joséphine! There! Chunain-Li! Yeah not bad Joséphine! That’s how Game of Thrones
should have ended see? This is how I was picturing
the king castle attack. The game is really beautiful. Oh they placed the sound of--
Awesome! Oh the fall! Oh the-- No ok. There! Blow him down his throat! Ok... It’s cheat a bit! I saw light I came in! Ah yeah! Bad idea! DAMN! Ah! Ok and we’re starting here right? Waah oh la la! If they don’t use the three bars we just saw
to make Baldur’s Gate III in the intro I don’t get it. I want to fight please! Oh la la la la! Oh la la he’s beautiful! Oh f*ck what a beating I took!
Oh la la. Wonderful. <i>You only know two things: your name</i>
<i>and the fact that you have a terrible migraine.</i> <i>Oh and also that you are in danger.</i> I’m Chunain-Li! I will leave this place as soon as I can. Notable traits-- I read everything
sorry but it’s necessary. So this pool that burned,
explain a bit what it is. What is this sh*t? Ah skill test. Let’s go. Click the dice to launch. Oh no! It’s intelligence. Yeah but I’m dumb
like a d*ck you know! I read scrolls and that’s it! Here we go. It’s good? Ok cool nice. Awesome. I don’t feel to get my hands dirty. You know I’m someone
who usually like it but now I must admit I’m a bit disgusted
by all this cum with teeth. We get our hands dirty let’s go! I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have! Knew it. F*ck I damaged my joints! Ah yeah there’s someone
who didn’t do as well as me. I suppose it’s flames?
We’re not going to pass too close. We can go out--
The spincter! Very well! We go out from the butt then all right then! Awesome! There’s a Mindflayer. It’s crazy how Mindflayer looks like
exactly like the one in WoW. Really. They’re exactly the same. There’s a chest eh! You’re not get away with this. Hyena ear. <i>Alchemical solution: Potion of speed.</i>
All right I took it all! I can F5 of course, absolutely! Well let’s go out from the butt! Chunain-Li gets out of the butt.
Here we go first! Well eager to know what’s
going on in this sh*t because we’re left here in the middle
of a September 11th with a mix of the War of the Worlds,
Mindflayers from WoW etc. A dwarf with a questionable haircut but in the same time
we respect it because it suits him very nicely! Brain in a jar. Well I could use this as I’m not very smart. Not a good idea. I could smash on it
but I don’t think it’s a good idea. Uh? Who “help us” me? This is gross here! You stole things
from Samus’ ship I recognize! I’m really lost I don’t know what’s going on. “Releas us”. Well would but it’s “really sus” if I may say because
I admit I don’t trust a voice in my head. There it is! Smelled like sh*t. Oh la la. <i>Undergoing surgery.</i> If we bother you just say it no problem. I’ll come back later it’s not a problem,
I must insist really. Ouh la la. This look! What are you doing? Chunain-Li! Why are you sniffling this gentleman? It’s gross! Who am I speaking to? Ah yeah I didn’t get what it was. Why don’t I smash the brain once for all
to fix immediately the problem? No wait. Why are you afraid brain? Well tell me what to do. Ah well... I think-- I think I know what to do. I know medicine so I’m going to-- <i>Gently extract the brain.</i> I have a bonus. Please don’t miss, no bullsh*t! Chunain-Li let’s go use your magic fingers! Ouh la! Oh la la! All good? Ok. Decidedly it’s a bit gross! I would make a clearing with this! What did my teachings as a monk tell me? I don’t remember if I have to talk to a brain-- I don’t think to have a scroll about this. I will spare him. Oh it’s gross! It’s gross. This face! I’m having a stroke! No wait I’m sorry this is gross! It’s not allowed in my house! I’m sorry but at some point-- No no no. I’ll go but not with you bro. What? No no but I’m not like you I-- No no no I’m Chunain-Li and
I know exactly what I look like! I don’t look like sh*t with legs!
No no no I’m sure! But maybe it will be the thing
who will give me the supreme ki etc. we have no idea but
if it’s what’s following me I’m sorry-- It costs you nothing to create a Doby!
I would have accepted a house elf really! No listen you’re gross. You’re gross. Ah. No but I didn’t ask you to die either.
Ah it’s the-- Ok. He has nothing. This look! How so “us”? Is that you Joséphine? Are you my god? Ah no but that’s not what I’ve been told!
You didn’t look like this in the books! Can you tell me where are we? What is the cum they
injected in my eyes please? Really? Oh no... I’m already beautiful! Look at me! I’m sorry but you’re objectively not beautiful! And why-- Why have I been kidnapped? What? No! Stop with that! No! Don’t follow me! I refuse! Yeah all good. Ok. Ah no no it’s gross
I’m sorry no no I can’t! I can’t wait to fight!
Chunain-Li wants to give some kicks! Ouh la! Ouh la! Ouh la! Jesus! Ok ok ok! Not against dragons please! I mean if we can start with something easier! Oh this face! Ouh la! Oh Chunain-Li’s reflexes! I already saw you! I knew you were here! Is it because I have a different haircut? All right but who are you? Excuse me but you get excited
and I don’t even know who you are. Well yes? Is that your name? A bit long don’t you think? What makes you think I’m a man? No what makes you think I was a slave? Ah. Oh no! We can’t become gay! Oh no! Wait it’s serious! In just a few days we ‘ll become gays! Mindflayers! I wasn’t told that about gays really! I’m falling from very high and yet I’m a dwarf
so usually I fall from less high than others! All right. Ah! Aaaah! This is my job! Everything is golden!
I love this face really-- Everything like her! Ok so <i>prepare to fight.</i> I’m ready! I was born ready! Let’s go. And now we-- Oh la la! Now WATATAAAA! There! Ah so we can beat ok. So we can beat once into
big stick hit in his face! <i>Allows you to launch a character or object</i>
<i>from the game world or your inventory.</i> Wait. So I can take the imp OOOOH! And I throw him at him! OH YES! Oh wonderful! It’s awesome! Oh I love it! Ouh la wait I also control her?
Ouh la wait wait wait. I move into uh-- Pommel fox example. Pommel-- <i>Non-lethal attack with a chance to stun the target.</i>
<i>2 rounds. Short rest </i>ok. Well let’s try it. Hop la! Stun! Perfect. So stun? There was one here! I didn’t see him! Oh Chunain-Li’s dodge! Chunain-Li! Chunain-Li uses Ultra Instinct! Into counter attack! PA-PAAAAA! I take a son of a b*tch and I hit him
with another son of a b*tch! There! Yeah you too but I have more charisma. Let’s see. A crossbow, very well. Another crossbow all right. A scimitar ok. Hatchet very well. Ooh! <i>Spiked bulb, 1 point of damage.</i> It’s something to throw!
It’s something to throw at someone’s face! And a healing potion. Very well. Let’s go let’s keep exploring. Oh la la this hype! I’m so f*cking happy! I’m the star Lae’zel I’m sorry
but I’m going first-- Yeah well I didn’t ask you to jump either! Let’s go. Well at least we make good moves
we make 5-5. Ta-ta! Let’s pass through the sphincter. Lae’zel, prepare to penetrate the sphincter. Don’t take it out of context of course! <i>Touch.</i> Yeah we’re very much in the rectal
lexical field between the sphincter, the touch-- No no not a big fan of the idea. I think we did well
to escape Lae’zel because-- With a little hindsight, I’m glad
they put something in our eyes... What? Yeah yeah yeah we agree! Don’t worry I-- Well we can maybe touch the Cultist. Ah yeah he’s-- Yeah. Yeah completely retarded. Uh nautiloid tank. Please could you-- Yeah. There’s cum on the ground. What is this? Mysterious liquid. We’re not going on it right away. Maybe I made a mistake. Yeah maybe I made a mistake. I’m coming! Yeah wait
there’s cum on the ground and I-- I don’t dare too much to go on it. Lae’zel go talk to her. Uh we’re going to find a mechanism wait. We’ll find a way don’t worry. I’ve tried everything I didn’t move. It looks like I didn’t do anything
and I don’t care but know that now, at a glance, uh-- You’re stuck. Yeah I get it. I get your dismay lady but-- Well. We’ll find a way got it. What happens if I press
this pretty little red button? Ah. Hit it! Maybe the answer is my fist! Ah well. It was my foot.
I went with the foot. Well then if hitting it doesn’t work
I need to find a button. Very well. So we miss something to put inside. Something tells me it’s the buttons but-- Let’s try to be logical. She’s on the left, there’s nothing in the middle, and on the right it’s for healing. There’s-- Yeah. Pic and pic and ouie you’re the one. Here we go. There it is. It was my fear I think-- No? We don’t care? Ok we don’t care. Middle button! AH! Ok well middle button,
not a good idea then. You’re gonna taste my stick
and more precisely my fists. Ah no bonus action? Ah no more ki? Well then stick in your face it is! Aah! Yeah so that’s it. I need to keep bare hand action
if I want to keep hitting him. Well I’m good I pass my turn. Now we rush. Let’s rush. So I didn’t take a short rest. Very weel. I think. I can’t hit either. I messed up. Ok. Now can I beat him? There. Into WA-TAAA kick in your face! Will you stop yelling in the back?
I’m discovering the game! Be nice and don’t push me! So logically it’s this nice red button? Not-- Not at all. Well lady I’m sorry but-- I didn’t find a way
to get you out of this sh*t yet. So I’ll let you here and I will
come back as soon as I can. Or not. We’ll see. But they said I needed
to put a gem inside. Maybe it was the candle
they had? We don’t know. Oh no! What is this?! What is this sh*t? What are you doing here? Why are you here? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of here! I don’t know-- What-- Where are you going? Come back here! Come back here you little sh*t! Come here! COME HERE! What is he-- What’s the deal? Ah golden key! So maybe. The golden key. Isn’t this little chest here? Oh yes it was wonderful! Money and a scimitar. Oh la la... How many guys did they infected right? Ok. And the other one living his best life. Occult rune. Ok. The famous rune all right. Yeah coming, coming, stop yelling now. All right, all right I put
my d*ck in the hole here we go. <i>Insert the rune. </i>Here we go. AH-AH! I will examine it. Well I’m dumb as f*ck so I hope
to understand what I see. AH. Well I didn’t see anything. Sorry. I didn’t get it. I pretend actually, I can’t read anyway. Well I put my hand no big deal. Feel my ki. I, Chunain-Li, Joséphine’s student,
you will open. Ah. Ah wisdom +2. I’m wise. Well careful. Difficulty level 2.
It’s unmissable. Unmissable. Of course! Oh she already pisses me off! I don’t know she made a face-- Oh no in the cum! Oh no! Oh no. Lady. No you’re saved by Chunain-Li! Hello. Don’t pay attention to my haircut. Ah. Ouh la. So she’s racist? It’s awesome! Nice! I see I released the best one! Very calm, yeah yeah, not racist at all! Awesome. Are you voting far right lady? I’m interested. I take you just to create drama
with the person you don’t like. Very well let’s go. My name is Chunain-Li. My charisma maybe. We’re going to help each other but
you could say it’s probably my charisma who do most than the parasite. But my name is Chunai-Li anyway. Uh what is your thing there? It starting! Tell me you’re a mage.
You’re a cleric! Amazing. Awesome. So we have a monk,
a cleric and a warrior. Perfect. So she’s got widom constit’. All right. So actually tank? No no no I’m the boss. Chill. Yeah exactly. Ouh la. I don’t know what she said but it was probably as racist as the other one. Let’s go in the sphincter. Let’s fight. Ah he’s done. Yes. Take this! Ok. 15 rouds. Ah we have 15 rounds max? And we need to go there. Ok. Very well. Do you want to taste my stick?
Oh missed of course. A-TATATATATAAAA! I rush. I pass the turn. So. Ok let’s go with the piercing shot. There! And move forward. Take position. So the Mindflayer is with us.
Not a fan of the idea but fine. Let’s go. What can we do? This. 4 to 24? Suffer the light! Oh. Where is he going? Ok. Aie! We’re gonna try something. I’m coming! I take-- Too heavy ok. Too bad.
I ate too much at lunch. Let’s rush! Ah 150 points of life? All right! Yeah no we’re gonna hit and rush. There 2 points of damage. Yeah no level 8 I’ll let
the Mindflayer deal with it. Ok. Ok very good. Message received. F*ck I misclicked! I’m retarded. Rush rush rush! Ah! Yeah well I do what I can! They interrupted me. Ok I’m gonna be alone not great. Going here quickly. Ok it’s only healing me ok. Missed ok. Let’s hurry. We’re gonna hurry because we’re late
because I’m dumb as I passed my turn. Let’s put a shield. There. No not dead don’t worry. Let’s go in the middle of the fight! Passing here. 2 to 9. Sh*t! Stun him. Ok too bad didn’t stun. Critical fail all right! Tell me I have range. Yes I have. Die! There, burn! By the light. Thank you Shadowheart. Your name is Shadowheart? Aie I’m hurt.
Your name is Shadowheart and you make light magic? That’s not what I would think of. My name is Chunain-Li so no judgement. Ah yeah all right! Oh, no! Come on hold! Yeah we know everything is allowed. Yeah oh la la! Oh those muscular arms must hold! I’m Chunain-Li! Come on! Touch the tentacle! Yes!
