- So "Pride and Prejudice" is
one of the most romantic books ever written in history, or is it? Are Elizabeth and Darcy actually in love by the end of the book? And how do you even define that love? Were they living up to the
romantic ideals of the time? And really, in the 1800's, did they even have romantic ideals? Back then wasn't it all
like marry for money, and it doesn't matter
if you like the person? Well, in today's video, we're going to be going into that topic, romantic love in Jane Austen's books, and also romantic love in the 1800's with something called
companionate marriage. So let's dive into that. So first up, let's talk
about the 1800's and romance. I feel like there's
often this misconception that in the 17 and the 1800's that people just didn't
care about romance. When it came to marriage, it was all about money and alliances. And while money and alliances
were definitely important, like I've talked about in past videos, love and marrying for
love was so important. In fact, over the course
of the 17 and 1800's, we see marrying for
love becoming important, and then more important,
and then super important. And then this is life guys, I need to find the perfect one. And if I get married
and it doesn't live up to my really high expectations,
I'm gonna be miserable. And that's why by the
end of the Victorian era, some people were even having this sort of like backlash against romance because it was not
living up to how elevated and idolized it had really become. So basically, did they care about marrying for love in the 1800's? Yes. So much yes, guys. And part of that marrying
for love preoccupation tied in with the concept that marriage should be companionate. So companionate marriage
is basically the concept that when a couple gets married, they should be companions
to each other, right? I know that is like totally
crazy, out there, unforeseeable. But basically it was the concept that a man and a wife should
have a true partnership, that they should love each other, they should be attracted to each other, they should be true best friends who just love gathering
around the fireplace, talking about life and different topics. Now, this concept of companionate marriage historically is in contrast to a more hierarchical or
patriarchal type of marriage, where basically the husband and the wife are not on best friend terms because in order to be best friends, you have to have some level of equality. Meanwhile, under a more
traditional patriarchal marriage, the husband and the wife
are sort of separated by the hierarchy and they
have the less closeness. They're not having those late night talks about the meaning of life. So a lot of historians
have actually searched for that important turning point where marriages went from
being more hierarchical to being more companionate. It's like, this is the magical year where suddenly everybody
wanted to be best friends with their spouse. But they've never been able to find one. And part of the reason is
because marriages are so mixed. There were still some
patriarchal marriages happening in the Regency era, and there were more companionate marriages happening historically. But definitely the overall trend and how marriage was viewed and the ideal of marriage
by Jane Austen's time had become this one of
companionate marriage. And, of course, this was
held on by such things as the English enlightenment, where they started getting new ideas about politics and the
nature of human rights. And also the English
religious Reformation, where we see them going
from being Catholic to being a Protestant religion, and then them going from being a more cohesive Protestant religion to having a lot of dissenters, or people who had a smaller
breakaway Protestantism from the main church. And all of these things
contributed to shifting ideas about marriage and what
it should be in life, and also shifting ideas about women and their role in the family, which then all resulted
in the idea that husbands should be BFFs with their wife. Editing Ellie here. Also just wanting to pop in with a note about novels and their role
in this rise of romantic love and really the idolization of love. So a lot of people have
blamed this movement on the fact that romance
novels started coming out in the mid to late 17OO's, and that filled people's
heads with these ideas that love should be all
romantic and amazing. It's definitely one of those things where we see art influencing life, but also life influencing art. These romantic books
didn't come out of nowhere. This preoccupation with love was something already within society. That's what resulted in these authors writing these books, but then, of course, these books were now read
by especially young women and that continued to mold their ideas even more so this way, and it became a cycle, right? It's like, they already love love, here's some love books. This makes them love love more. But these romantic novels certainly didn't create this within society. They simply enforced it and made it grow, but it was already there to begin with. But that, of course, did
not stop people at the time from blaming young people's sometimes unrealistic view
of romance on the novels because there was definitely
a demonization of novels and them ruining young
ladies' minds at the time. Now, does Elizabeth and
Darcy's relationship actually live up to the romantic ideal of companionate marriage? Well, we're about to
dive into that question, but first let's have a quick word about this video's sponsor, Skillshare. A few years ago, I had a
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free trial of Skillshare. So definitely check that out today. Now, back to Darcy and
Elizabeth's relationship. And so to get us started
with understanding exactly what it took to have
a companionate marriage, let's look at this quote
from "Pride and Prejudice" when Elizabeth is having
that transformation from feeling not so great about Darcy to really liking Darcy. It says, "If gratitude and esteem "are a good foundations of affection, "Elizabeth's change of sentiment "will be neither improbable nor faulty." So here we have this equation of gratitude plus esteem is the
foundation for affection. So I've already gone so deep
into this concept of gratitude in Jane Austen's works in my video on "How to Attract Henry Tilney, that I'm not gonna rehash that here. But basically the Regency
concept of gratitude was that reciprocal liking, that psychologists say is now the basis of relationships today, where first one person's
like, hey, I like you, and the other person's like,
oh, wow, I like you too 'cause you like me and
that's kind of awesome. You have great taste. Anyway, that's gratitude. If you want to learn
more, go watch that video. But then we have this
other concept of esteem. What does it mean when you esteem someone? Well, according to Dr Johnson's Dictionary that was like the definitive dictionary of English back in the day, it means that you highly value someone, that you rate their qualities highly. Basically, it's another term for respect for who they are as a person. And really this was the Regency idea that your love should be based
on a person's good qualities. A self-help guide for
young women at the time says this about looking
for a marriage mate. It says, "Whatever romantic
notions you may hear or read, "depend upon it, "those matches are the happiest "which are made on rational grounds, "on suitableness of
character, and fortune, "on mutual esteem and the prospect "of a real and permanent friendship." So here we see even though
romance is the ideal, they're saying that
romance should be based on suitable character and also fortune 'cause like I've talked
about in my other video, money was important back then too, but really the suitableness
of character and real esteem. And we really do see Elizabeth build a lot of esteem for Darcy throughout the story. From the second that she gets that letter from him at Rosings and she starts
re-evaluating his character, she realizes that he's always
seemed like a dutiful brother, that he tries to be a good friend to a decent guy like Bingley, that he's respected by others, that she's never seen anything
negative about his character, but actually a lot of good qualities. Then, of course, this continues
when she goes to Pemberley. She sees the way he
treats her aunt and uncle who are from a different social class, and she heard a great character
reference from a servant. Servants at the time could often be called as witnesses in court for
everything from domestic abuse to someone having an affair. Being like, yeah, I served that fair
couple breakfast in bed. I can attest to the fact
they were having an affair. So servants saw a lot, they knew a lot, and their testimony was valuable. So really Elizabeth over time discovers that she has a lot to esteem. And feel like this is a main theme almost of "Pride and Prejudice." Elizabeth learning that her prejudices were blinding her from
the esteem Darcy deserved and the lack of esteem
that Wickham deserved. In fact, let's go back to that passage we were reading earlier. It says this: "If gratitude and esteem "are good foundations of affection, "Elizabeth's change of sentiment "will be neither improbable nor faulty. "But if otherwise, if regard
springing from such sources "is unreasonable or unnatural, "in comparison of what
is so often described "as arising on a first
interview with its object, "and even before two
words have been exchanged, "nothing can be said in her defense, "except that she had
given somewhat of a trial "to that latter method in
her partiality for Wickham, "and that its ill success might, perhaps, "authorize her to seek
the other less interesting "mode of attachment." So here we see Jane Austen
describing love at first sight. And she acts like this
is a common concept, and that's exactly what
that self-help conduct book we just read also pointed out. "Whatever romantic notions
you may hear or read, "depend upon it, "those matches are the happiest, "which are made on rational grounds, "on suitableness of character. "But, on the other hand, "a union formed upon mere personal liking "without the requisite
foundation of esteem "can be productive of nothing
but misery and shame." Right? If you do not marry
someone who's esteemable, who has those good
qualities you can respect, then your marriage is
gonna turn out badly, because, I mean, they're unesteemable. But does that mean you can
just marry anyone you respect? You're like, hey, you
have some great qualities. I guess we should just get married. That's all we need. No, no, it was not. Because you also needed to be compatible. During the time, they
were very preoccupied with the concept of disposition or temper. This is what in modern terms we would call someone's personality. Basically, are your
personalities compatible or not? Are they going to be a good match? And that compatibility or lack of it was seen as an important factor that may make a marriage
awesome or not awesome. Let's look at what Elizabeth has to say about her and Mr. Darcy's compatibility. After she runs into him at
Pemberley and he's awesome, here's what she has to say: "She began now to comprehend "that he was exactly the man who, "in disposition and talents,
would most suit her." Not only does Darcy have
this rock solid character that she can esteem, his character is also one that's perfectly suited to her own. She thinks about their possible marriage, "It was a union that must have been "to the advantage of both; "by her ease and liveliness, "his mind might have been softened, "his manners improved, "and from his judgment, information, "and knowledge of the world, "she must have received a
benefit of a greater importance." So here we see Elizabeth analyzing exactly which qualities of her own would best compliment his and how his qualities could help her. And we see Mr. Bennett even weighing in on this issue of compatibility when he starts warning
Lizzy about accepting Darcy, He says, "I know your disposition, Lizzy. "I know that you could be
neither happy nor respectable, "unless you truly esteemed your husband; "unless you looked up
to him as a superior. "Your lively talents would place you "in the greatest danger
in an unequal marriage." So here we see Mr. Bennett saying I understand how your
personality works, Lizzy. You need to be able to
respect your husband, and you would be miserable
in an unequal marriage. So what was an unequal marriage? Well, it was a marriage where
the couple's personalities did not mesh very well. And in fact, the most
famous "Pride and Prejudice" unequal marriage would be that of Mr. Bennett and Mrs. Bennett. Their personalities are so polar opposite that they are completely incompatible, and yet they're married and now they're stuck
married to each other. And in fact, we see Elizabeth
learning from the fact that her parents have an
unhappy, unequal marriage. "Pride and Prejudice" says, "Had Elizabeth's opinion been
all drawn from her own family, "she could not have formed
a very pleasing opinion "of conjugal felicity
or domestic comfort." Later, it says, "But she had
never felt so strongly as now "the disadvantages which
must attend at the children "of so unsuitable a marriage." So Elizabeth knows her
parents are not well-matched. Their marriage is unsuitable. That it's ruined their happiness and now it's ruining their
children's chances in life. So really we see that
compatibility of personalities was so important in choosing a mate. And one of the reasons for that
is because it would aid you in the other important aspect of being best friends with your mate. So let's talk about Jane
Austen and friendship. I feel like Elizabeth and Darcy have one of the shortest and
least developed friendships of Jane Austen's main couples. We see in "Emma," Emma has known Mr. Knightley forever. They have this very solid friendship that their relationship is based on. Even in "Northanger Abbey," Catherine goes to stay
with Henry and his sister and they hang out quite a bit. And in "Mansfield Park," Fanny has definitely had
years of close friendship with her cousin, Edmund,
before they get married. In fact, they've been good
friends since she was a child. And here's a quote from "Mansfield Park" where we hear this friendship
between them described. It says, "Edmund's
friendship never failed her: "He was always true to her interest "and considerate of her feelings, "trying to make her good
qualities understood, "and to conquer the diffidence "which prevented there
being more apparent; "giving her advice,
consolation, and encouragement." So here we see Edmund and Fanny having this really close relationship. He gives her comfort. He gives her encouragement. He is there as her best friend. What's fascinating about this passage is that Edmund was pretty much already fulfilling the best friend role husbands were supposed
to fill for their wives and wives were supposed to
fill for their husbands. Another moral advice book
that was very popular and put out in the 1740's has this to say about that
friendship in marriage. First off, it starts out with
this great claim for marriage: "This institution was calculated "for a constant Scene of Delight "as much as our Being is capable of." Marriage is a constant
scene of delight, guys. It's also, "the completest
Image of Heaven we can receive "in this Life." Scenes of delight, heavenly, ah, marriage. "The greatest Pleasures
we can enjoy on Earth "are the Freedoms of
Conversation with a Bosom-friend; "who in Occasion of Joy will congratulate, "and in Occurrences of Distress or Danger "will mingle his Concern, "one who will divide our
Cares and double our Joys." Then it goes on to say that,
"two have chosen each other "out of all the Species, "with a design to be each
other's mutual Comfort." So here, again, we see
comforting, double joys, having sorrows, being that bosom-friend that can have great conversations, and that's already what
Edmund is for Fanny. So now we know to have a
ideal companion at marriage, you need to be able to respect
the person you're marrying for their good qualities, and they need to actually
have good qualities. And in addition to that,
you need to be compatible. Their qualities need to compliment yours. And once that happens,
you can be best friends. But what about love? I think when it comes
to Jane Austen and love, there has always kind of been a debate about how much love is
actually the romantic, passionate variety in her books. Part of the confusion
comes up from the fact that she uses the word
affection quite a lot as we saw in that quote
earlier with Elizabeth, where gratitude and esteem are
the foundations of affection. But is affection actually love
as we understand it today? Well, how do we understand it today? Peddia.com gives us this comparison of affection versus a love. It says, "Affection can be defined "as a gentle feeling of
fondness, caring, or liking. "It is a moderate feeling
or emotion compared to love. "Unlike love, affection does not consist "of passionate or romantic feelings." So is that what Jane Austen
meant throughout her books? Was she like, you know what? Then they had a moderate
liking for each other, very tame and non-passionate feelings. Nothing really romantic,
but some gentle liking. The answer is, well, just like other words that have changed throughout time, our understanding of
affection has changed. Affection's had a long and varied history in the English language. From the 13th century onwards, it has had a variety of meanings that includes everything
from desire to passion, to lust without reason, and, of course, love. In fact, Dr. Johnson's Dictionary, again, gives us this Regency
era definition of love: It can include passion of any kind, and, of course, love, kindness,
goodwill to some person. And really we see Jane
Austen in her letters use affection as a synonym for love. For example, when gossiping about a woman getting married for the second time, she says that the, "match
surprises, but does not offend me; "had her first marriage been of affection "or had there been a
grown-up single daughter, "I should not have forgiven her; "but I consider everybody as
having a right to marry once "in their lives for love." So here we see the first marriage was not a marriage of affection, or as we learned later in that same quote, a marriage of love, but her second one is going to
be one of affection and love. We also see Jane Austen's
character of Jane Bennett using it the same way when
she is talking to Elizabeth about her engagement to Darcy. She reacts, "And do you really
love him quite well enough? "Oh, Lizzy! "Do anything rather than
marry without affection." So here, again, within a few sentences, Jane's using love as a
synonym for affection. And she's also very clearly stating Jane Austen's own opinion when it comes to love and marriage. When writing a letter of romantic advice to one of her nieces,
Jane Austen told her, "Anything is to be preferred or endured "rather than marrying without affection." So really we see Jane Austen upholding that romantic
ideal that love and affection is required for marriage. And I feel like that's one of the reasons Jane Austen's works
have endured over time. That she was able to
capture a essence of romance that so many people even now relate to, no matter how much our cultures
or language has changed. So was Elizabeth actually
in love with Mr. Darcy? Well, in Jane Austen
terms, yes, definitely. She had a good character to esteem him on. They were compatible
in their personalities. They have the potential to
develop some friendship, even though they spent most
of the book being frenemies. And also they had love and true affection that was going to help
them in their marriage. Editing Ellie here, because
I messed up my outro when I recorded it the first time. So, hi. So let me know in the comments below if you lived in the Regency era, what would you be looking for in a mate? Would you want some esteemable qualities? Or is a love at first
sight more your thing? Let me know in the comments down below. Also, thank you, again, so much to this video sponsor, Skillshare. And remember, the first 1000
people to click the link in the description below will get a one month free trial. So definitely check that out if you want to learn some awesome skills. My name is Ellie Dashwood,
and this is my channel where we talk about
history and literature. If you like either of those things, please subscribe and keep
having an awesome day because you are awesome. Bye! ♪ I can't let you go ♪ ♪ I can't let you go baby ♪ ♪ I can't you go ♪ ♪ I just want to tell you that ♪ ♪ I can't let you go ♪ ♪ No, no, no, no ♪ ♪ I can't let you go ♪ ♪ All of my friends say
girl you better take care ♪
