Hi, welcome back to the channel and if you
guys are new here, my name is Elaine and in today's video I wanted to talk to you a little
bit about depression after losing a pet and also 11 ways to help you get over this grieving
process. And if you guys are seeing this video now, I'm assuming that you just lost an animal
that you loved. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels and that's the reason
why I decided to make this video. So I feel that losing a pet is a pretty big
deal but there are a lot of people out there who just minimize the topic or they just brush
it off. And believe it or not, losing a pet can actually
feel worse than losing a human in your life. And recently I had to put down my cat hero
because he had cancer. He had intestinal lymphoma which is a type
of cancer in his intestines area and he also had a tumor in his sinus and this tumor started
to push against the right side of his brain so he wasn't really functioning too well. His behavior changed dramatically. He was walking around the apartment like always
in circles because I guess he felt pressure on the right side of his brain. He wasn't using the litter box and his quality
of life just terribly diminished so quickly. I didn't have a choice so I called in a vet
and had to euthanize him at home. And just a backstory about Hero. Hero, I adopted him when he was six months
old at a shelter and during this time you know I guess I wasn't ready for a pet yet
or at least that's what my friends and family told me. So I was always out you know I was always
traveling I was always working, always going out late and then I had Hero for two weeks
and then they convinced me to return him back to the shelter and I have to mention that
I was also allergic to cats but now I built a tolerance to it so I'm okay but I remember
like I was driving to the shelter and I didn't want to return Hero. And you know my brain
was telling me: "Oh no you should return him you know you're not gonna have time for him
and you have all these allergies. You're sneezing and you're coughing all the time
because of him and it's just not gonna work out" but my heart and my gut was just telling
me like no like I love this guy like I want I want a cat so long story short I returned
him and then I went to work and I was I guess acting pretty sad and my manager went up to
me and she was like "Elaine, what's going on? Are you okay?" and I told her the story that
I got a cat from the shelter and then two weeks later I decided to return him and she's
like "what the heck is going on, like why would you do that" and I told her I was like you
know what "I wish that I can have him back" like I made a terrible mistake so I found
out that she had a friend that worked as a manager in the shelter so she made a call
and she was able to help me get Hero back and I remember I was driving to the shelter
I was like "Yes, I got my cat back!" you know and I mean just think about it right, from
this little guy he already taught me so much in life already right which is, to trust your
intuition ,don't listen to other people, trust your gut and as you can see Hero really meant
a lot to me, he was basically my soul cat. I had him for 15 years so he was with me through
the ups and downs through life. He went through so many New York City apartments with me. We
moved so many times and losing Hero really put my mental health at an all-time low. So
during that time after I had to euthanize him, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I didn't
want to do anything. I didn't want to leave the apartment unless I had to walk Gatsby,
my My Husky which you'll see a lot of in this channel and I knew that it wasn't healthy
and as a holistic health coach I felt that I wasn't leading by example you know. I was
going down this path where I was drinking every single night and I knew I had
to make a change not only for myself but for the living animals like you know Gatsby. I
still have to care for him I still had three other senior cats that I had to care for so
I knew I had to make a change. So, I'm going to share with you the 11 ways that helped
me get through this grieving process. Number one to get you through this grieving process
is to don't hold your feelings inside and you have to talk to somebody about it so whether
it's your friends in your inner circle ,if you have family and if you don't have someone
that you can trust that you can talk to just don't be ashamed that you know you can call
a therapist. I mean these guys are professionals and you know they are here to help you get
through this grieving process. One thing to be very mindful of is that you have to be
careful of who you speak, to the reason why I'm saying that is because uh back in my teens
when I had a rabbit who passed away right I was devastated. I was with my ex and his
friend and his friend asked me you know "Elaine, why are you crying?" and I said that you know
"my rabbit just died you know I am so devastated" and he's like "it's a freaking rabbit, like
just go to the pet store and get another rabbit" and at first I was so angry with this guy
I was like "what is wrong with this person" and at the end I forgave him because it's
obvious that he never deeply loved an animal he has no compassion and I do know that Karma
will come knocking on his door one day and he will also feel this type of sorrow. Number
two is to acknowledge any guilty feelings that you might have deep inside and for me
before even Hero passed away, I was so angry at myself and I felt guilty for feeding him
kibble. I fed on this dry processed food and I thought that maybe if I would have fed him
fresh food this whole entire time, none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have
gotten cancer, we wouldn't be in this situation right now but most importantly now that I'm
thinking about it the questions that I should be asking myself is "why am I feeling guilty?",
"what did I learn from this?", "how can I you know how can I do better if I have another pet
and in this lifetime?." I truly believe that pets come into our life for a reason. They
teach us lessons and it's important for us to learn from these lessons and move on. Number
three to help you get through this grieving process is definitely meditation. Gatsby and
I meditate every single day for 10 minutes in the morning and that is our non-negotiable
and I feel like that foundation has really helped me through this grieving process and
a lot of people get reactive when I talk about meditation with them. They'll tell me oh you
know "I don't want to sit there and you know do all this woo-woo stuff and go om" but you
know what, it's not like that! Meditation is going to calm, you it's going to help you center
yourself when you're having all these scattered thoughts and it's going to help you breathe
and remove all this stagnant energy that's stuck in your heart space and in your lungs.
So, I'm gonna leave a link to a pet loss meditation, it's a guided meditation that I put together
and I hope that's going to help you. Number four is to incorporate breath work in your
daily routine. Now, a lot of people confuse meditation with breath work. Breath work is
basically conscious breathing and also breathing techniques that you are using to remove stagnant
energy from your body. So the method that I use is called the 278 method. So I basically
inhale for two, hold for seven and then exhale out for eight and this helps me remove any of
the stagnant energy inside of me and then I always feel better after this. Number five
to help you through this grieving process is to please eat foods that nourish your body!
When hero passed away I was drinking alcohol daily I was eating crap food and I knew this
was not good for me. I had to make a change and go back to my daily routine. And when you're
grieving, it is so hard on your immune system. So you're more at risk for inflammation, you're
more at risk for infections and in Traditional Chinese Medicine grief is actually related
to two organs, which is your lungs and also your large intestines. So during this time
it's really important to eat foods that are white in color so basically um you know foods
like onions and garlic pears bananas. That is going to really help nourish your body.
Number six is going to be Move Your Body. And I know that this is going to be hard right,
when you're grieving you're not going to want to do anything. I totally get it. I was doing
the same thing. I was basically laying in bed or laying on my couch I didn't want to do
anything but I had all this stagnant energy in me so whether it's doing yoga, going out
for a quick run, you know walking around the neighborhood with your pup, try to get
yourself to do something even if it's turning on the music and dancing or even light stretching.
That is going to help move this stagnant energy inside of you and you're gonna feel better.
And don't forget when you exercise, you're also going to release this type of feel-good
hormones in your mind and in your body and it's going to definitely make you feel better.
Number seven is going to be honoring your pet. Now, there are so many ways to honor your
pet and for me what I did was, I went out to feed the neighborhood street cats and I knew
that they didn't have a home, didn't have any clean or fresh water. They didn't have any
good meals so I did this every Sunday. I went out there to feed them and then people were you
know, staring at me while I was feeding these cats and they were probably thinking "look
at this freaking crazy cat lady" and you know what ,I don't really care. I didn't care, I mean
to me I felt that I was helping out another animal and that's all that really mattered
to me. And then other ways to honor your pet is to maybe you can devote your time
at a shelter you can help out over there or you can also foster an animal and you know
help them until they're able to find a forever home and if you are going to the extremes
like me, you can also get a tattoo or a pet portrait of your cat I'm not sure if you guys
can see it here but got a tattoo of Hero and I never thought I was going to get a tattoo
but I guess Hero changed my mind. Number eight is to don't get another pet right away and
I know that a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this one because they're going
to say "well you know, if I get another pet I'm going to feel better because I'm going
to devote all my time to this new pet" but it's like do you really want to do this all over
again? Like do you even have the energy and the bandwidth to go through this process all
over again? And I'm not saying that you know don't open up your heart again to another
animal it's just that I don't think that this is the right time because you're so emotional
and plus I think that your pet that just passed away, they deserve a time where you're grieving
you know for them and you're and you're honoring them and remembering them so I really think
that the best thing to do is to hold off on getting another pet until you are emotionally
stable. Number nine is to be present for the animals that are still living in your household.
So for me, I still have to care for Gatsby my Siberian Husky, as well as three other senior
cats and I mean I was grieving, I knew that they were grieving too because for Gatsby
he was just laying by Hero's bed. He didn't want to go out for walks, he didn't really
want to eat and Hero's other best friend Peter, Peter used to sleep with Hero every
single night so I think to him it was more of a shock maybe like oh my God like what
happened to Hero and when Hero was being euthanized here, I mean Peter was kind of like a scaredy
cat so he didn't really want to come out to see you know the vet was here and he was a
little scared so he was hiding underneath the sofa so he didn't see that the vet took
Hero away and sometimes I wonder you know if he wonders like where Hero is, but at night
you know, Peter would just walk around the apartment aimlessly and he would start like
meowing very loudly. He also didn't have much of an appetite and it's been like two months
since Hero passed now and he's pretty much still the same thing. Gatsby has gotten
a little bit better, we've been taking him out a lot more on walks during the day.
I'm trying to cheer him up with treats, same thing with Peter and Maddie and Daphne that
I have over here too. Try to engage them in play, you know talk to them in a
very soft voice and tell them that you know "it's okay, we can get through this as a family"
and just show them some extra love during this time. Just know that you know during this
time while you need some extra care and love for yourself, your living pets, they also need
that same care. Number 10 is going to be creating a memorial space for your pet. So for me, I
have an altar setup in my office where I have Hero's photo, his ashes, a Buddha statue and
also I leave fresh flowers for him every single Sunday. So it's also a place for me to come
to meditate as well. I have some incense here so whenever I'm feeling sad I'll let
up an incense you know and I'll meditate. I'll think about him. So that is definitely one
way to help you get through this grieving process. Number 11 is going to be writing a
letter to your beloved pet or keeping a journal. So for me that night when Hero passed, I wrote
him a letter. I was crying like crazy when I was writing him this letter but it helped
me so much. So maybe there's something that you want to say to your pet that you didn't
want to say in front of everyone and you know it's just a space for you to release
a lot of your emotions. I also keep a journal now where instead of writing like Dear Diary
or whatever Dear Universe, I put Dear Hero and that's basically become my daily ritual.
I do that every night before I go to bed and I feel that writing letters to him definitely
made me feel better and it's helped me through this grieving process. All right, so those are
my 11 ways to help you cope with grief and I hope that it really helped and again I am
so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels and that's the reason why I made this video.
Just know that with time, things will get better. You'll start thinking more positively, you'll
think more about the happy memories that you had with your pet. But please, just be present
for now and be present for the other animals but you still have with you today. I don't
think that anyone can ever get over the loss of their beloved pet but like I said ,with
time, it's gonna get better. Okay, so please take care of yourself and I'm sending you
so much love and light okay. Take care. Bye
