Dealing with Worries | Dr. Rick Hanson

as I've been reflecting a lot lately in the old days like February Oh a year ago February we were propped up by all kinds of things that we just took for granted we didn't it didn't even think about it forms of stress relief forms of you know just entertaining ourselves conveniences of various kinds being able to casually walk into the supermarket at the last minute and grab something and not wonder you know who you were standing next to so much of that has fallen away so much of that has fallen away large and small and what's been added of course our stress is about monies Trust is about health interpersonal issues and so forth so we're really faced with what is inside us already what have we grown inside ourselves psychological resources and clinicians wholesome qualities inside ourselves this is a reckoning we are being all tested large and small at all levels and it's an opportunity to recognize the good in ourselves and to realize that yes we need to up our game a little bit we can't afford to get into these little bickering things with other people like we used to we can't afford to be a little sloppy with our personal health practices we we can't afford to indulge the kind of ruminations and resentments and worries we used to we just can't afford it anymore we need to raise our game and in the process of that to quote the teachings of the Buddha from the Pali Canon coming to us from 2500 years ago we can find gladness in our goodness we can appreciate and take refuge if not in some vain narcissistic self congratulatory way but in a way that respects ourselves much as we would find gladness in the goodness that we see in another person genuinely we can appreciate our own goodness our own efforts our own large heartedness the vastness inherently of our own consciousness like the sky we could appreciate our sincere efforts you know our generosity to others and this is a time that we kind of we can do that and we are earning that recognition of our own goodness and as we recognize it it's calming it's soothing and it's reassuring so I'd like to talk tonight about worrying does anybody worry anybody worry about anything ever I don't know you know me you we all worried a little bit at least right we worry maybe you worried that you're not worried enough like what am I missing because I'm too unworried I'm too peaceful but meditating too much I'm losing sight of the Tigers and the bushes that might be about to pounce right so I'm thinking of something close to what the Dalai Lama said once he said about worry essentially said well if I worry about something and it doesn't happen there was no need to worry about it so I don't worry about it and if it does happen I'll deal with it as best I can I'll do the best I can with it and I don't worry about it because I know I'm just doing the best I can and what will be will be and I'm doing the best I can right I you know to add something he didn't say but it's true he has a compassionate heart we have compassion on hearts we can have compassion for the things that we're not able to stop or create even Wow we do the best we can but still if you know you're doing the best you can you kind of let go of worrying because you're just doing the best you can so either way why worry now I'm kind of seeing Alfred E Newman there on the cover of Mad Magazine what be worried this is not about being dumb or being thoughtless it's not about you know being imprudent but it's about these two sides so on the one side not worrying about things that don't happen right or that are very unlikely to happen I want to suggest a couple of things from the neurobiology of the human animal that we are to be aware of and you can help yourself with this and I definitely have found this to be helpful for me be mindful of the sense of accelerating speeding though sometimes we have to speed up okay and sometimes we speed up not just because it's urgent and there's a problem but because we're looking for fun you know we suddenly jump into something enthusiastically there's a place for speeding up but it's kind of a yellow flag and especially these days because so much of that quality of accelerating or speeding up has a sense of pressure or insistence in it and you you can feel these things you can feel your body speeding up you can feel a sense of pressure you can feel a kind of insisting that things be a certain way or that other people act a certain way or that certain results are produced in the world and that is a yellow flag at least if not an orange or a red one as a slippery slope to stress and worry speeding up pressure and insistence and in terms of the body when we do that it immediately moves into activity of the fight flight freeze threat response system that draws upon both the sympathetic nervous system aspects of you know fighting or fleeing and it draws upon the parasympathetic aspects to the extreme of freezing of feeling immobilized helpless the human equivalent of playing dead so be careful about that quality and Ivan I've kind of internalized myself when I'm kind of on my game real-time mindfulness of that sense of getting a little speedy I'm getting a little pressured in my interactions with other people and as soon as that mindfulness a bell starts ringing right the mindfulness alarm it says okay dial it back it's like a yellow light starts blinking on the inner dashboard dial it back do I really need to speed up right now do I really need to rush in this way right and especially is that sense of speeding up accompanied with any sense of quote unquote negative emotion sense of anxiety or irritation frustration exasperation that is trouble right so that's the first suggestion to be mindful of that quality of accelerating pressuring insisting applied to yourself or applied to others and as we you know disengage from what's not necessary of that what's needless add-on we can back away from that as we do that we find that we're able to function we're able to cope we're actually able to function and cope at a very high level for a long time we're all in the marathon right now this is no longer a sprint it's gradually sinking in we are in this I think of it as like a storm it was very clear to those with eyes to see that it was heading our way as a late to say as of December let alone early January and now it's landing in America and elsewhere throughout the world and it's going to be here for a while and the consequences will also be here for a while that's just the fact of that so we need to find a pace a pace we can sustain whether it's the pace of the morning or the afternoon or the evening of your day or the pace of the day all together or the pace of a week or a month we're gonna be in this for months and months and months could be a year or two or three before really kind of on the other side of this and the many consequences of it for those who remain so you know this is a marathon we need to find that pace we can sustain we can still be very effective right but we don't need to take on the add-on cost of accelerating pressuring and insisting that's on the one side and with that there's a place for just disengaging from thoughts we don't have to find out but do we need to follow them do we need to feed and fuel them if you find yourself worrying about something that you know you can realize in your mind you know it'll either happen or alone if it doesn't why worry if it does I'll do the best I can so enough you know there's that place there's no replacement for exercising will inside one's own mind much as if we were in a temple just imagine stepping into a beautiful sacred temple of any kind around the world or some kind of sacred ground and we would exercise mindfulness and willfulness about how we conducted ourselves in that temple we would be careful about our shoes leaving marks on the floor we might leave them at the door we we wouldn't just casually leave our litter behind we wouldn't start shouting or yelling we would we would feel no I I need to be kind of willful well what kind of mindfulness and willfulness do we exercise inside our inner temples what respect do we have for the inner temple of our own being that precious sanctuary there's only one inner temple there are a lot of temples out in the world there's only one inner temple inside you it's that precious it's that singular it's that important to take care of not to make it more special than the temples inside other people at some fundamental level I believe that we all have at some fundamental level the same temple or we access the same Universal temple still it's a precious temple as we each experience it and in this way as well we can be mindful and willful about our impact on the temple of other people do we need to interrupt them right now do we need to brush aside their concerns right now do we need to just drop our stresses our worries our irritability our righteousness our need to be the knower do we need to really drop that in their temple right now you know like we wouldn't do that even for a temple we might visit as a tourist just but you know just some kind of temple or Church somewhere around the world we walk in you know we just you'd be more respectful well why not be at least that respectful about the temples the inner sanctuaries of the people that we care the most about as well as that respectful of the inner temple ourselves there's no replacement for mindfulness and willfulness we could get away with a fair amount of mindlessness and will lessen us right back in February but not anymore so that's on the one side on the other side and then I'll kind of move to a close here and then hear what you have to say about this so letting go of wearing in letting go of unnecessary anxiety doing the best you can developing the habit of calm strength while on the other side in terms of doing what we can I want to draw your attention to one particular aspect of that that's been really striking to me late play which is generosity I've seen people be a lot kinder and more considerate to each other these days moving down the street you can see people making more space between them people we've we've had some work in our home electrical contractor just finishing some things up he and his workers are just really very respectful and understanding of our concern about you know what's happening in our home and what are people touching and things like that you know there's a generosity in that and I find people as we are engaging physical distancing you know disperse the herd to save it as we disperse the herd to save it including to save more vulnerable members of our herd even if the risks to oneself perhaps are relatively low as we do that physical distance saying people are often reaching out more to each other there's a lot of interest in these online kind of programs I really encourage you to come back next week to this Wednesday meditation things like it people are sending more communications to each other in all kinds of ways I'm calling relatives of mine in North Dakota or Colorado that I've kind of been putting off week after week and now so time to check in all right there is a generosity in that I'm watching people be really generous in terms of medical supplies of different kinds or you know not getting some kind of surgical grade face mask and instead just getting something that's how to quit let's say for oneself there are many many forms of generosity and most of those are not financial right yeah there's a place for donating money if you if you can help someone at all scales but most of the generosity that we offer to each other is intangible or certainly it's not financial and it really really really counts I think sometimes about you know the name of our species Homo sapiens sometimes called the clever Abe I think you know in many ways it would be appropriate to call us homo the Nephi cos the altruistic ape the generous a because the kind of generosity of and altruism that takes many forms including simply cooperating with others is very very rare in the animal kingdom clearly we are the most altruistic species of all and it's very characteristic for us we survived in small hunter-gatherer bands for millions of years actually certainly two and a half million years or so in terms of our tool manufacturing hominid ancestors we survived in small bands in extremely dangerous conditions times when due to natural climate change for example a hundred thousand or so years ago when the only areas in which humans could survive for these small little in effect ecological islands down near South Africa where there were just a thousand or 2,000 or 3,000 adult humans left we nearly went extinct more than once as a species and the ancestors who lived through those evolutionary choke points and the ancestors who lived in general and then have now spread throughout the world and even up into space and have walked upon the moon have done so through being generous to each other in lots and lots of ways not pathological altruism not over giving but you know sensible generosity cooperative altruism with each other that's really I think the hallmark of our species and that's what we are called more than ever to do and to be these days in these times with the storm upon us and in the process of this generosity we can take gladness in that goodness we can appreciate our own generosity the generosity of effort of time of attention of sincerity of acts of thought word indeed of all kinds rippling out to affect so many beings and so anyway I just want to invite you to reflect on generosity the generosity received the generosity given and take you know take clad Ness in your own goodness for that kind of generosity alright so worry less give more in the sense of generosity you know the open hand a hand that releases needless worry and the hand that offers benefit of all kinds to others okay so would anyone care to share about this or share how you're doing if you do speak the way I'll do this as I'll see your hand I'll move through the the many many little thumbnails of people and I'll just call on someone I do request that when you share you speak succinctly and kind of to the to the point on the table that in mind who would like to uh hey anybody want to comment anybody want to say anything oh good I say Linda Linda I'm oops unmuting you Linda great hello Linda hi I really appreciated your analogy of the marathon that's helpful to me but where I went into the worry and the fear was when you talked about and this is not just you and it please please know that I'm not blaming you but whenever I read that we're in this for the long haul and they put a timeline on it or you put a timeline on it somehow that doesn't equate with the marathon part and it ends me right into fear and worried like I can't do this for this long I can't afraid it's nice not going to be tolerable and it sends me into that spin so how do we equate the marathon and yet the timeline that's great I really appreciate that Linda so it's not personal I'm gonna new you now just for the sake of this well first off I'm really glad that you brought that up because as you know as a teacher myself and I think this is true for all of us it's really helpful to track the difference between intent and impact so my intent there I think sincerely was to be helpful and yet understandably for you it landed in a certain jarring way right to talk about you know that this will be in this for a while and for me personally the impact of that statement is actually calming it kind of gives me a sense of a longer view and it relaxes me that I don't have to stress about it's got to be a certain way in a week you know I kind of start lightening up about how it's got to be this weekend when I realize you know it's gonna be a longer haul right and on the other hand for a different person that sense of whoa we're gonna be in it for a while and the graphs and the charts and so forth should come with a trigger warning because they just land on a different person differently I think that's really important to take into account that there's just diversity of all kinds and we can not feel that we have to you know feel ashamed of ourselves that somehow our well intended impact on someone else was problematic well on the other hand we can take it into account and I can tell you Linda I'm gonna take this into account the next time I talked this way you know which is a good thing I think so now then you know just finishing what to do about it and I think this is really you know it's a general issue right for me I find that it's helpful to really live in kind of two truths the truth of the present right that we know very well and the truth of the future that extends out about which we do not have absolute certainty we have certainty about this moment of experience not ABS you know conceptual journey but it is what it is we feel it right it is what it is well we're not certain about what's gonna happen tomorrow or or later and to kind of lighten up about that right and it kind of live with that I think about a saying from Tibet if you take care of the minutes the years will take care of themselves can't you just sort of feel it take care of the minutes you know who take care of the little things most of the big ones will take care of themselves and so that that for me is a real comfort to just I can handle I can handle a minute an hour is hard and a year I don't know but the next minute and this one and the next one okay I can handle that one so thank you very much Linda all right anybody else I'm gonna keep scrolling if I miss your hand it's not personal I'm just gonna see anybody else on a comment oops no well oh good Betsey Betsey Levine okay and then Karen so first Betsey then Karen so I'm unmuting you Betsy hello Betsy can you move closer to your microphone yeah yeah but the closer you are the better thank you pushing myself yeah it's really good into think how so Betsy are you are you aware of any ways you push yourself oh yeah I don't know what's going on but it's okay I I'm can you all hear me yes okay but not you Betsy maybe you muted maybe you need to turn up the volume I don't know maybe there's that but it's okay I'll just say this and I'm gonna mute you Betsy and then I'll just comment briefly I think often the people we put the most pressure on are ourselves and so that's the person to really you know be thoughtful about okay and I thought Karen right you had your hand up here we go so Karen hi you know I'm just thinking that maybe that there is a small potential for this whole crisis to be a almost an evolutionary moment it's just it just feels that it could have that and that makes me feel very excited about this time I mean to see that something something positive could possibly come of it in a big way yeah well thank you I'm I think that's very true and I think there are real opportunities to get lessons here did I see another hand from Becky I did okay Becky then on Jude and by the way if I heard mispronounced your name or if you use a pseudonym by the way in zoom you can use a different name if you want to protect your personal identity so if I mangle the pronunciation just sorry about that okay Becky yeah so well two things you've kind of touched on both of them but I think that this is a real opportunity to be in the moment because we don't know you never know but we think we know yeah what's gonna come down the road you know we have expectations about that and I think that our our expectations are shifting and and that's probably a good awakening experience so just just that like this these kinds of experiences and really focusing on being present in the now is is a great benefit and there are all kinds of amazing things that are happen from you know reconnecting with relatives that we haven't or friends to people stepping up in new ways like this group and you know becoming a remote opportunity so this my experience so far has been that even as we are sheltering separately we are gaining greater access to each other and to services in a different way in a bit and it just in a different way and so and looking for those blessings each moment I think is a is a lovely way to get there minute by minute to get to the other side of what whenever and whatever that looks like thank you yeah may it be so thank you so indeed I'm gonna unmute you great you are I think you're good you are unmuted okay great yeah it's an Gd so I maybe I'll clean that I in there ng ng D oh my ng i i i guess for me first of all i I just I'm a super geek when it comes to neuroscience and so I just feel like I just drank everything in from what you were saying and in the ways that you were bringing us through this process right down I just eyes are really appreciating the beauty of it and and just to really because I work with clients who are incredibly stressed out right now and overwhelmed and so not only is it helpful for me to stay grounded when working with people but also to find ways to help them self soothe so right down to the pull and the grounding and and it's so easy to get caught in our heads and worry about you know past future so to drop in the body and I'm really appreciating the different sides like the right the left up just to become that breathing body and that whole thing about embodying and drinking that in I found was so rich so I just have a great appreciation for all of what you share then not only from my own practice but for ways that I might be able to help others so really feeling grateful for that right now and excited yeah that's really great and I thank you Angie for me that's a form of generosity gratitude as a form of generosity and I appreciate when a you know a fellow geek dork you know they're you know it's really good and yeah that sense of things as a whole is they're so helpful and I I kind of want to underline where we got to it and that sense of consciousness used to not an airy-fairy sense just this moment of experience this moment of experience being you know conscious your the the consciousness as a whole that you are beautiful pen undisturbed and vast like the sky yeah that's pretty good thank you thank you okay okay time Meucci Thank You Angie maybe another person I'm gonna bounce around a little bit we'll end on okay great I see Shilpa and then I'm gonna keep going so you're unmuted Shilpa okay and I'll just repeat for everyone you know or try to speak to the point and keep it kind of short and keep on going okay can you hear me yes okay so you know recently my son has been having nightmares and he has been imagining that there is a monster that is going to come and get him and to me this is you know I found that that really that monster is in some ways kind of like our fear of the virus it's not that it's impossible that something could threaten his safety in some way that an intruder could come in that a bad guide could come and overpower and it's something where he has no control you know that's something very real but you know you know grounding in what is real I mean not in the sense of in the real right now in the present moments of putting it together you know and even with him I've been starting to do the meditation where you do a little bit of a body scan so you can start to ground in that sensation and recognizing that reality comes from a lot from our sensations the touch the sight the sound and you know a lot of the fear about the virus is is an abstract thing it's not that it's not real but it is abstract and that you know if we can focus on those body sensations and that moment just like with my son you know that you can actually find that this moment you know it is that focus again on that present moment and then still keeping in mind just I think that I always loved and use that analogy I think there was some some v that talked about the peach tree that you've talked about before that there's you know you can have though you can give a good water give a good light give a good soil but you can't make it give you peaches so you you know you use your masks when you want to you do social distancing you keep yourself as safe as you possibly can you can't control the peaches but you cannot tell me that the social distancing and the mask wearing and the cleanliness that it doesn't make a difference on whether or not you actually are safer or not well thank you and that's really true in it goes to kind of a quote that I turn into the peach tree you know from ajahn Chah great teacher who says ten to the causes and be at peace with don't be attached to the results right I think we have enough time I'd like to make a brief comment and then I think we might have time for one more person so the brief comment is that I want to thank bill Schwartz who made a note in the chat and you can see the chats who pointed out that you know you have an opportunity with me and with this group to be generous here to write you can be generous to others and your comments in the chat you can be generous to me which keeps us going there's a donation basket I welcome advice no we all keep improving the sound quality that's a form of generosity - and my point about this as a teacher is is that it's really to say certainly very consistent with the Buddhist tradition that it's it's good for your practice to be generous in lots of ways and if that generosity naturally moves from you to me I'm very grateful for it I really appreciate it but there's no need for it do you know so you don't need to make a donation but if you're moved to make a donation if it makes you feel good you know if it feels like as part of the circle of generosity they were all part of to receive there's a giving to make room for the giving of others there's a receiving oneself you know that is is very appreciated by me and so I just want to mention it from time to time that you know if you if you care to support those Wednesday meditation you know that's one way to do it and there's no need for it and whatever you do is really gratefully appreciate it okay I think we've got I'm gonna bounce out to some of the farther out tiles great very right anybody else a last comment or question anybody want to raise their hand yeah great wait one more let's see I see Fran so Fran sorry Rick I'm just gonna go here with Fran we'll finish up so Fran I'm I'm muting you this button come button unmute there we are no you are unmuted friend fine okay I wanted to follow up on Angie's comment about self soothing and share well I've been working with thanks to you a few months ago in San Rafael and it really resonates about let be let go let in the good so every day almost before I get out of bed I try to let be and I don't need to control or fix or even change this is the way is right now and then the let go is not only the worrying and fear and anxiety but the story in my head yeah and then letting in the good I've been spending a lot of time gardening and I thought if there has to be a pandemic let it be in the spring because there were 10,000 sorrows right now but there's the miracle of nature it's one of your jot cards the Peace of just looking out the window seeing that there are also joys and so I just I'm really loving the let go let me let in the good and I try to do it you can't to count to ten I'm getting there so I wanted to thank you for that and share it with the others and you might want to say even more about it thank you oh thank you that's really kind of you you know what what Fran has done is summarize what I think of as the three great ways to practice essentially let be let go let in you know we be with what's there you release what's burdensome or painful or harmful and we receive what is beneficial enjoyable and useful like being let go let it right its if life is like a garden speaking of Gardens we can witness the garden and be with it while also pulling weeds letting go and letting in growing flowers so that's a general way to do it and what I would say is that it also is a way to deal with being upset there's a natural three-step trajectory we be with what we're feeling we experience it and then we kind of move increasingly into release saying letting it go kind of experiencing it out in effect we're welcoming it in on the way out the door let me they go let me either go one word libido go you know out the door releasing and then we want to replace what we've released was something beneficial you know let in what would be the natural replacement for what we've released her just in general a sense of calm well-being the peacefulness deep down inside us all the goodness deep down inside us all we let and sometimes that flow let be let go let in occurs over a dozen seconds something bothers you you understand it you disengage from it you release it and you Riyaz and you then establish yourself where you really want to be you know you find your footing in a better way of being as an attitude or a way of conducting themself or clarifying you know Ria's reestablishing your true intentions in a situation including intentions of not harming yourself or harming others so that sequence sometimes is a dozen seconds sometimes it's a dozen months to really really move through the whole flow of it sometimes and sometimes we move through it at a certain level and then we come back to it a little deep more deeply and then we come back to it even more deeply after that so let be let go let yeah that seems pretty pretty appropriate for these days so I invite us all to just sort of sit with each other for another half minute or so just kind of being together you might like to do what I'm doing which is scrolling through your just many beautiful faces we aren't just sitting together letting it sink in yeah that's great truly I so appreciate all of you

Channel: Rick Hanson

Views: 2,242

Rating: 4.7931032 out of 5

Keywords: Rick Hanson, Dr Rick Hanson, Mental Health Resources, anxiety management, mental health, self help, self help videos, Personal development, anxiety relief, stress management, Inner peace, Meditation for anxiety, Self help videos, Healing, Wellness journey, wellness, anxiety relief exercises, Mindfulness practice for beginners, mindfulness practice for anxiety, happiness mindfulness, stress and mindfulness, mindfulness for anxiety and stress, stress relief video

Id: ykjYRUOLrg4

Length: 38min 12sec (2292 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 04 2020