David Letterman - June 27 1985 feat Eddie Van Halen

[Music] brown new york where it's so quiet you can hear a crane drop it's late night with david letterman tonight actress valerie bertinelli musician eddie van halen and comedienne mesandra bernhardt also a look at what's to come for next season and viewer mail and now the only man with enough guts to tell the truth about the cbs late movie [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you thank you very much [Applause] thank you very much ladies and gentlemen welcome to the show my name is david letterman and we have a uh a good audience a good show what is it thursday night isn't it paul thursday night damn you know now this is different from paul you being a musician you'll enjoy this okay uh fact i was reading in the new york times you know minuto is is uh at madison square garden again how many nights are they gonna be there paul do we know is anyone eddie how many nights five nights i think they're gonna be there five nights interesting fact about menudo you know once the members reach a certain age they go on to other things seventeen percent of all menudo alumni have now at one time or another worked as a chauffeur for liberace wow it was in the times oh my god uh steve jordan looks like a waiter at an indian restaurant doesn't he could i have the mulligantani please and the uh the tandoori chicken yes thank you very much do we have some more chutney over here please [Music] uh you know it's getting very close to the fourth of july so uh nbc has asked me to pass along this morning please moms dads and kids do not set off fireworks legal or illegal within three miles of don king's hair oh stop it who is who is hissing please i've said this before no hissing until after the first half hour okay thank you it's so demoralizing a guy hissing and look at the guy we had too hi can we see there he could just barely make him out there he is and that's him in the hat that's it okay uh and speaking of time ladies and gentlemen you may not think this show is much at all but boy let me show you something for three and a half years look at this ancient chronometer that we barely were able to tell time with right here this one look at that i don't know you figure it out what time is it who can tell well no longer ladies and gentlemen look what was just installed this baby right there we got some time now for you 12 34 28. what's the weather paul sunny but cloudy the good friend mr paul shaffer ladies and gentlemen thanks a lot well there was a big big thrill for me tonight oh you know i forgot i completely forgot see that i'm hoping in my life i forgot and you forget that's right go ahead introduce yourself yeah i forgot this is a cat who came down came in from la to sit in with us tonight and uh let me just say that everybody tries to sign like this guy on guitar nobody even comes close eddie van halen so we're uh so we're having a good time having a good time over here tonight um eddie nice to have you back you were with us in california thanks for being here uh you know what paul we got to do oh by the way paul will be hosting he's the permanent host now this show on uh nbc radio the source yeah once a month live from the hard rock beginning sunday night congratulations sunday night nine o'clock and you can hear that where on the radio if you if you have a radio station in your home that the carrier towers network yeah you'll be on there what time is it going nine uh till ten thirty i think middle tennessee very hip rock and roll ninety minutes all right uh ladies and gentlemen wait wait bill wendell is on it too oh bill really it's 8 30 8 30 to 10 to 10. is that a two and a half hour show that's an hour and a half and a half see it it always feels so long it it is no no it is radio though yeah radio 83 is 3810 yeah and not a newspaper column no sir yeah no sorry well there's something you'll appreciate we're in show business and we're right in the thick of show business feuds here uh so i'm gonna i'm gonna update him for you and let you know where we stand and this is uh this would be the last time i'm going to mention it but let's just clear the air here first we have two kinds of feuds we have the inactive feuds let's cover those first the uh the first inactive feud we can talk about tonight this one was with i believe dustin hoffman i called him a weasel uh we never heard back from dustin hoffman so this one's in the inactive file the second inactive feud uh mary hart from entertainment tonight i said she was too damn perky we never heard from her okay those are the inactive feuds now let's go to the active feuds ladies and gentlemen the most recent uh or the next to the most recent feud this is the terry forster debacle uh pitcher for the atlanta braves i called terry enormous i called him a silo and i called him a fat tub of goo all right now then terry called me terry called me here's what terry called me he called me here we go a jackass and johnny carson's janitor that's right now now terry still owes us one and then we'll update that one now uh the most recent uh active feud going on is the david hartmann uh good morning america softball feud uh first of all i called good morning america i called those people weenies then david hartman called me a wimp and then i called david hartman a gutless weenie [Music] and and then what happened what it was next uh after that uh oh yeah for some reason uh peter jennings decided to get in on this none of his business he called john chancellor a four-eyed pinhead so to add my two cents here i would just like to not mention that i think that ted koppel looks like howdy duty so there that's getting uglier by the minute all right let's get right to it ladies and gentlemen it's thursday night this is the night we choose to answer our voluminous viewer mail let's get right to it letter number one begins dear dave last night i dreamt i went to a clambake with nothing on but my underwear what does this mean thanks don dobell iowa state university uh don it means you'd like to be madonna [Music] uh letter number two howdy dave the other night my roommate and i were having dinner at quincy's a local steakhouse a couple of guys at the table next to us asked if we were having the clam chowder is this a new pickup line or what dave if anyone can help us out here i know you can uh your number one fan in florida christine clancy orlando florida uh that's interesting christine we did do some investigating into this and we discovered that yes the clam chowder line is a very popular new pickup line in fact here are the five most popular pickup lines for the week of june 23rd through the 29th let's take a look at them here of course uh the first one is i sure like hospital food my what fleshy earlobes there it is three having the clam chowder four hey about that rambo and five i've got a bag full of weenies and a david hartmann uh letter number three dear dave the rolling stone article made no mention of paul except he was in the group photo paul makes a valuable contribution to each show uh why was he left out of the article jealous dave sincerely elizabeth converse buffalo new york uh paul this is a very good question i wasn't aware that you'd been left out of the article i know they they wanted to talk to you the reporter who did the piece now why why wouldn't you talk to her well uh it's just that i have been burned by those cutthroat journalists too many times in the past i don't want to sound like i'm bitter about this but i just happen to have some of the magazines that have done a job on me in the past look at this scientific american paul schaefer the world's stupidest man what kind of a thing cosmopolitan stay away from that horrible possible and look at this people people magazine my bible paul shaffer boy what an awful guy so can you can you blame me for not i can't blame you i really can't believe yes i'm not doing anything i oh stop it stop it by the way ladies and gentlemen it's 12 40 41. uh which letter is it hal number four four letter number four thank you very much our next letter comes to us from joshua calder of austin texas it begins dear dave almost every time i watch your show there's a small blonde woman standing by the door to the hallway joshua this is just one more good reason why you should keep your doors locked uh all right do me a favor check is she still there now yeah she's still there dave okay here's what you do don't panic but don't make any fast moves get up very slowly now and leave your apartment by another exit this woman is armed and dangerous okay candy clean him out don't don't forget that valuable painting at a girl a lamp okay 12 41 38. [Applause] stop it stop it and bring me some more bread [Laughter] uh letter number five dear dave i've noticed that whenever paul mr melman or someone on the show makes a better joke than yourself a look of bitter hatred and envy crosses your face momentarily please dave if you're having problems get professional help your concerned fan bob shell uh now paul this is not true is it is this true well some sometimes it's true really well just uh yeah sometimes it's true just take a look at this clip from from yesterday's show okay mommy may see what did you say paul well i just said if if you can't stand the heat get out of the subway turn style [Applause] steve could i have some more vegetable gel frizzy please [Laughter] uh letter number six ladies and gentlemen because we're going away for a while we've decided to add a bonus letter to tonight's viewer mail at absolutely no cost to you the home viewer here it is letter number six dear dave is it true that you were once a professional boxer jay renfrow lake charles louisiana uh no jay i wasn't we have a wonderful show for you tonight valerie burke nelly will be here eddie vanderbilt wait a minute that's that's it yeah the guy had a question and i gave him the answer and that's it that's the response no i wasn't what kind of viewer male response is that it's like it's not even funny they they well i think we've proven that they don't necessarily have to be funny um uh well he just asked me the question and that's it that's all i mean on viewer mail you know we have we have come to expect a certain kind of response look let me tell you something i don't care about people's expectations why doesn't somebody care about what i want to see on this show huh fair enough what what would you like to see on the show right now um you know our little friend larry bud millman puppy we call him puffy puffy sure larry bud coffee puppy it's a a term of affection larry puffy yeah clary bud puffy yeah uh i'd like to see him play i know he's quite a trumpeter i'd love to see him play the trumpet larry batman all you had to do was ask how [Music] man we have a wonderful program valerie bernelli is here sandra bernhardt and eddie van halen [Music] welcome back to the program we have a uh we have a wonderful show and uh eddie van halen will be playing an entire song with the rest of the band later right paul yeah what are you gonna be playing we're gonna do we're gonna do panama a little tune of uh yeah and you're i mean and i paul i'm to sing here i need to kick boxing now and i'm uh my first guest tonight was one of the stars of a very successful television series called one day at a time she is also married to one of the gentlemen in our band tonight she will soon be seen in a movie on this network it's called silent witness it's now 12 48 40 please welcome valerie bertinelli thank you very much for being here thanks do you want to talk about this i was just uh leafing through this magazine uh-huh this is kind of embarrassing isn't it but on the other hand it should be flattering i think don't you think well i'm seeing who really runs the magazine all right well let's tell the folks what it is i guess this is the newest issue of uh penthouse magazine july that would be the new one you're you're listed as one of the 10 sexiest stars i guess in america there's some pretty good uh folks here yeah right between piazza dora and sophia loren you don't you don't think that's a good place to be hey who am i to say victoria come on how can you really take this though i mean bob guccione i mean who wants to be one of his 10 sexiest women oh so you don't yeah well i see that's yet so it's a kind of a double-edged sword what would you i mean come on yeah yeah you seem a little tense tonight well my husband's over there and you're oh you're nervous of talking about this in front of you no no [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] now you know you mentioned uh you mentioned eddie is here of course and you're here and then now there's another little bit of intrigue with you and a member of the man well paul shall we talk about it this isn't really the way i dated when i was 16. folks you're not getting paid for any of this okay uh you know you and paul went out you had dates when you were 16. yeah we had two of them and then he dropped me like that broke my heart how old was there's no way to keep a band together valerie it's hard enough now how old were you paul what was what was the circle well i was a little older than uh miss burton alley at the time uh but let me say that uh we were just good friends at the time yeah you were doing a television show at the time that's right we were working on the same lot and you know how people started to come around when they he broke my heart what are you talking about here your girlfriend called me that he never called me back you took me to a movie i went out on new year's eve your girlfriend called i never heard from you i can't believe you're saying this yeah you were you were living a long time ago and how things were two years ago no yeah now you're married to a fabulous guy you were you were living at home at the time i was living with my parents now now paul shows up on the front door i don't you know i really don't remember how did we first go out did you meet valerie's parents i yes i did i drive out to reseda i forgot about that and i would meet mr mrs burton alley and then what did they think of all of this uh they were very very nice to me and what did they think of you and uh they thought i was a lovely young boy 27 years old 27 year old boy yeah but miss bertinelli and i were just good friends yeah we had a good time didn't we paul uh just good friends and now you know back then you were what number two number three [Applause] all right well let's move on to other things can we uh well we already talked about that oh you pick i'll tell you what you study this over in fact you want you want to go back to the dressing room and look this over and come back later no that's okay okay uh we'll be right back folks once we've selected a topic here from the sheep [Music] welcome back to the program ladies and gentlemen we have valerie bertinelli here also sandra bernhardt and of course eddie van halen with our band uh when how old were you started acting very young i guess very young what was the first job you had eleven yeah i did a jcpenney's commercial because i fit into the dress actually the reason i got the job did you have lines no i had to eat a chocolate bunny and i remember the director being very angry with me because i couldn't eat the bunny correctly it's very upsetting when you're 11 years old i would think so uh and from that what was your first uh theatrical part well first theatrical well i did chomps but let's not talk about that chomps yeah if you have you have cable or something out here i mean it's the thing about the dog this electronical dog that goes around fighting people chomps an electronic dog and a canine home protection service actually is that oh i see acronym yeah and and what did you uh what did what part did you play in chomps i was the girlfriend of the inventor well i've not seen the show has anyone seen this program well i was 17. is this still on that i really have poor taste well is it still on the air the show no no that well that is on cable every so often but one day at a time was really the first big break yeah and how old were you going to get that i was 15. and how long was the show on the air nine years that's amazing isn't it yeah yeah and you're probably glad that pat harrington is now out of your life aren't you it's a joke it's only a joke we're just joking here no i like your jokes yeah yeah uh and now what's it now you're a little nervous here because you mentioned your husband is here do you travel with him a lot when he works well yeah when he used to go on the road honey he's spellbound by the conversation they're doing one of these [Music] no i used to go out with them now what is that like being i mean here's a man who's probably sought after by uh virtually every female who who shows up at the program is that is that difficult to deal with well yeah it was in the beginning you know it's just you know i slap him out of the way no in the beginning it was very strange because like we'd be walking out of the the forum or wherever after he had played and and he would have his arm around me and girls would come up and start pinching his butt and you know saying eddie kissed me kiss me these guys [Applause] and but it's it's uh no how do doesn't it drive you nuts these days well he doesn't go out on the road anymore uh and uh do you worry now there are things written about you two in in certain publications does that bother you would make me crazy a lot all these things that you're bringing up you really used to bother me immensely and now it's like well we've been together now five years and it's i've gotten used to him and his world and he's getting used to me in my world so it's really not that bad anymore but all those things really used to bother me but if you see something in a newspaper even though you probably don't believe it but when you see it in print it must be a real jolt huh well yeah a couple years ago i saw an article about um he was having an affair with an elevator operator named i'm wondering about that one those little things like that you know and how i'm keeping in the marriage because i'm buying him expensive gifts yeah that's really difficult it's really yeah it takes a lot out of your wallet you know no but sorry no but you know what i mean it's it's a it's a real it's difficult to have be married let alone have things like that well it's yeah it's difficult being married let alone having people judge you all the time yeah you know i mean you should you should find out it's real it's nice being married though you want to get married don't you well sure of course i want to get married i think every i think you'd make a very nice husband sure i would i'm sure i would well it's 12 59 23 and we have to move along all right the the the film on this network is called silent witness we'll be seeing it soon probably the first couple weeks in october okay great nice to meet you valerie thank you very much for being here [Music] okay thank you very much folks uh we have uh still half of a wonderful show or the second half of a wonderful show uh and that'll be sandra bernhardt uh who has a new album out by the way and also more music from eddie van halen in our band now monday ladies and gentlemen let me tell you this will be uh tom jones and bobby kasser this is a repeat so you're not required to watch this one we can't we can't force you to watch this show this will be a repeat we're going on a vacation for a while the week after that will be brand new shows uh i don't care what you watch monday night but don't watch that damn cbs late movie please it stinks it's no movie um if cbs cared about you there'd be live programming on every night but they they don't care about you um where are we uh speaking of television programming ladies and gentlemen summer will be over before you know it and that of course means tv's new fall season is right around the corner well we're going to be ready for it with this brand new logo right here here's our new late night logo and of course our new slogan which is watch it pal and you're also going to be seeing plenty of slick promotional commercials like this one we hope you'll enjoy it hey ladies it's a great night prop open your eyes and [Music] we've got all your favorite stars and some that you can't stand so the least that you can do is help us give ourselves a hand yeah watch it pal [Music] a month no no only a week's worth where do you see this this is my fuel oil build all right hey it's all right how bad can it be when you see it for free wake up and we'll make if you're feeling you can always watch our show you know it's easier than making friends watch it watch it pal watch it pal watch it pal [Applause] [Music] what's up watch it pal a little programming retreat couple of weeks up in the hills we'll be fine ah let's see what are we doing all right we're gonna do a commercial and then when we come back sandra bernhardt will be here and then more music with eddie van halen come on [Music] yes sir my next guest is a wonderful community my next guest has been called one of the most innovative musicians working today he is the leader of a band bearing his name and it's a pleasure to welcome him back once again with our band tonight here he is paul schaefer sid mcinnes steve jordan neil jason and eddie van halen [Music] [Music] here [Music] [Music] [Music] hmm [Music] eddie thank you very much nice to see you again come back anytime we'll be right back nice job stephen [Music] hotel accommodations for most guests of late night with david letterman were finished by big ship place and omni classic hotel

Channel: Eddie J

Views: 1,036,949

Keywords: Eddie Van Halen, Van Halen, 1985, David Letterman

Id: 6DmY0Pb9O-c

Length: 32min 0sec (1920 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 06 2020