>> Stephen: SO GOOD OF YOU TO
BE HERE. >> NICE TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU,
TOO. WE ALWAYS HAVE NICE
CONVERSATIONS. >> WE DO. >> Stephen: THEY'RE BLEEPED
FAIRLY FREQUENTLY. >> THEY ARE. >> Stephen: THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE ON HERE, YOU'VE GOT A BOOK TO TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT. YOUR LAST BOOK, I CAN'T SAY THE
TITLE OF YOUR LAST BOOK. >> WE SET A RECORD FOR BEEPING
THE LAST TIME WE TALKED ABOUT IT. IN HONOR OF THAT MY NEW BOOK IS
CALLED "MISS SUBWAYS." I'VE ALREADY MADE THE DECISION
TO CALL IT MISS (BLEEP) SUBWAYS JUST SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT THE
WAY WE WANT TO AND EXERCISE OUR FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. >> OR AS MY MOTHER COMES FROM
EUROPE AND KNOWS THIS WOULD CALL THEM MY FIRST (BLEEP) AMENDMENT
RIGHTS. >> Stephen: EUROPEANS ARE
FAMOUSLY POTTY MOUTHS. >> THEY ARE. >> Stephen: THE BOOK, WE HAD
TO BLEEP 32 TIMES, I UNDERSTAND THAT'S GOING TO BE MADE INTO A
MOVIE. IS THAT TRUE? >> YEAH, BUT I'M CHANGING THE
TITLE. >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT CALLED? BUCKEY (BLEEP). >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY
CALL SOMEBODY THAT. >> IT'S CALLED AN ASTERISK
INSTEAD OF THE "U." >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T PRINT UP
A POSTER. >> STORMY DANIELS AND
FAMPERSAND. >> Stephen: I'M TRYING TO
THINK OF WHAT THE FUN COULD POSSIBLY BE. >> SURE. >> Stephen: YOU'VE DONE A LOT
OF DIRECTING AT THIS POINT. >> YES. >> Stephen: DIRECTING "THE
X-FILES." >> AND I DIRECTED BUCKEY. I'LL CALL IT BUCKEY FROM NOW ON. >> Stephen: DO YOU LISTEN TO
THE DIRECTOR WHEN YOU'RE AN ACTOR? >> ABSOLUTELY NOT. AS LITTLE AS I CAN. I HAD THIS EXPERIENCE WHEN I WAS
DIRECTING AN ACTOR -- >> Stephen: WHO WAS THE ACTOR. I WON'T, CAN'T SAY HIS OR HER
NAME. >> Stephen: A FAMOUS ACTOR? MAYBE, YES. >> Stephen: MALE OR FEMALE? TARGET, YES. ( LAUGHTER )
SO MY ENTIRE CAREER, PEOPLE WILL SAY TO ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS
AUDITIONING, THEY WANT MORE ENERGY. >> Stephen: YOU'RE A LITTLE
LAID BACK. ( LAUGHTER )
I SUPPOSE THAT'S TRUE, YES. >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT
PEJORATIVE, YOU'RE JUST LAID BACK. THAT'S YOUR STYLE. >> OKAY, SO I'M LAID BACK. BUT, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE THINK OF
ACTORS NORMALLY WHEN THEY'RE STARTING OUT AS HAVING THIS KIND
OF I'M GOING TO JUST (BLEEP) BITE THE WORLD AND -- EXCUSE ME. ( LAUGHTER )
I'M JUDT GOING TO TAKE THE WORLD BY THE BALLS AND JUST --
>> Stephen: SURE. BITE 'EM AND HAVE THAT KIND
OF ENERGY. ( LAUGHTER )
I SUPPOSE. >> Stephen: YEAH. IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF A
MOVIE. >> Stephen: YEAH. THE FELLATE SHOW. ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> SO I ALWAYS HATED IT WHEN A
DIRECTOR OR SOMEBODY WOULD SAY TO ME "MORE ENERGY. SO I WAS SHOOTING THE SCENE AND
ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS TO TELL THIS ACTOR MORE EMERGENCY. >> Stephen: YOU'VE ALREADY
DONE A TAKE. >> IT'S EARLY IN THE MORNING, IT
MAKES SENSE, THEY'RE JUST GETTING STARTED BUT ALL I CAN
THINK OF IS MORE ENERGY. I'M WALKING TO THE ACTOR OR
ACTRESS AND THEY STOP ME AND THEY SAY, DAVID, YOU KNOW WHEY
YOU'RE SUCH A WONDERFUL DIRECTOR BECAUSE A HACK AT THIS POINT
WOULD COME UP TO ME AND SAY, PLEASE, MORE ENERGY. BUT YOU WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. YOU, YOU WONDERFUL DIRECTOR, YOU
WOULD NEVER SAY THAT, WOULD YOU? AND I SAID... NO... NO, I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. I WOULD SAY THAT WAS TERRIFIC,
LET'S JUST GO AGAIN. >> Stephen: WAS IT DeNIRO?
WHO WAS IT? ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: DID YOU JUST WRAP ANOTHER SEASON OF TH "THE X-FILE
>> YES. >> Stephen: DID THEY START 25
YEARS AGO? >> YES. >> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE WOULD
SAY, "THE X-FILES," CRAZY, ALIENS. THIS PAST YEAR, SEASON 11
COINCIDED WITH THE RELEASE OF REPORTS ON AN ACTUAL PENTAGON
U.F.O. PROGRAM WHERE THEY RELEASED VIDEO THEY COULDN'T
EXPLAIN OF SHIPS DOING MACH 25 AND TAKING HARD TURNS AND THINGS
LIKE THAT. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS? >> NO, BUT I BELIEVE IN THE FOX
PUBLICITY DEPARTMENT. >> Stephen: DO YOU THINK THEY
GOT TO THE PENTAGON AND DID THAT? >> I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT. >> Stephen: ANYTHING LIKE
GHOSTS OR -- >> I DON'T REALLY BUT MY SON IS
CLAIMING TO HAVE A GHOST IN HIS BEDROOM. >> Stephen: HOW OLD IS HE? 15. ( LAUGHTER )
WHY IS THAT FUNNY? >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHY
THAT'S FUNNY. I DON'T KNOW. ( LAUGHTER )
UH-HUH. >> OKAY. >> Stephen: YEAH. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY TO
GUESS WHY. >> MAYBE WHEN WE WATCH IT LATER,
MAYBE WE'LL GET IT. >> Stephen: SURE. HE SAID, I'M HEARING AND
THERE'S A GHOST IN MY BEDROOM. I SAID, CUT IT OUT, THAT'S BULL. HE SAID, WELL, I RECORDED IT. AND HE PLAYED ME THIS THING AND
YOU CAN CLEARLY HEAR THIS VOICE GOING "HELP." AND I'M, LIKE, OH, (BLEEP). >> Stephen: HELP? HELP. NOT YELP. >> Stephen: I COULDN'T HEAR
THE H. COULD I GET THAT WITH MORE
EMERGENCY? ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
YOU HAVE A BOOK CALLED "MISS SUBWAYS," A NOVEL BASED ON AN
ANCIENT IRISH LEGEND OF WHOM? >> KUKULIN. >> Stephen: WHO IS THAT? AN ANCIENT IRISH KING AND HIS
WIFE EMER, THE PROTAGONIST IN THIS BOOK. >> Stephen: SHE'S LIVING IN
MORNING. NEW YORK. >> THE BOOK IS ABOUT WE'RE AN
IMMIGRANT COUNTRY ANDS THE A CITY MADE OF IMMIGRANTS AND MY
SUPPOSITION IN THIS BOOK IS AS THESE IMMIGRANT POPULATIONS CAME
TO THE STATES THEY BROUGHT THEIR CUSTOMS AND GODS. AS THEY ASSIMILATED INTO WASPY
CHRISTIAN AMERICA -- I DON'T MEAN TO SAY YOU WHEN -- I DON'T
MEAN TO LOOK AT YOU WHEN I SAY THAT. >> Stephen: I'M WHITE BUT NOT
ANGLO-SAXON. ( LAUGHTER )
>> THE GODS THEY BROUGHT ARE BORED BUT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO SO THEY'RE STEAD F-ING WITH
US. AND THE MELTING POT OF AMERICA
IS NOT QUITE A COUNTRY BUT THEY HAVE THE BEST IDEAS AND THE BEST
PEOPLE WILL GET TO THE BEST PLACE NOT BY CENSORSHIP AND NOT
BY THE ENFORCEMENT OF LAWS THAT ARE ALREADY HERE BUT BY
COMPETITION AND INTELLECTUAL DISCOURSE AND IMAGINATION. (<i> CHEERS AND APPLAUSE </i>)
>> Stephen: AND FREEDOM. DAVID--
>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM. >> Stephen: "MISS SUBWAYS" IS
OUT TOMORROW. DAVID DUCHOVNY, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
His book premise sounds exactly like the premise of American Gods, right?
Anyone read any of his work? Sounds interesting
How disappointing he doesn’t believe in aliens.
His voice changed so much
I hate stephen colbert. Every interview he does sounds like someone is sitting down with a priest for confession.
You know he hated the pride of the 1st amendment