Dating in The Netherlands: Dating Dutch Men – Expat's Opinion

African let's go dutch oh okay this is what foreigners expect when they move to the Netherlands but is it true I've lived in the Netherlands for six and a half years and had a fair share of dating Dutch man I even had one as a boyfriend in this video we'll share with you my experience of dating Dutchman which might be different from yours as usually please feel free to disagree with me just do it respectfully alright let's find out what it's like today Dutchman one split the bill well actually not really I always offered to pay but in six and a half years I've been here I have never paid on the first date because a man would usually get the bill I have heard crazy stories about how cheap Dutch man can be but this has never happened to me so I cannot really speak to that number two casual dating for the first date you will most likely hear let's go grab a beer in comparison to other countries where you might get invited to dinner or wine or cocktail bar following the Dutch do normally it's absolutely normal here to just go grab a beer for the first date it's considered cash casual and low investment way to get to know someone regarding this I'd say that there are three types of Dutch men the first group that thinks that why put so much effort in the first date if this might not work out they might be willing to invite you for a cocktail or dinner at a later stage if there is a proof of concept so to say this second group doesn't really bother and goes along with donor Mao so beer it is not only for the first date but for the following dates as well the third group are a little bit of outliers they are willing to splurge on the first date and enjoy nice experiences because that's who they are they prefer nice decent places to let's say stratum design and einhoven threaten Zion is a Place full of bars and some of them look rather like student places number three location bound I didn't exactly know how to name this point so hear me out I was dating someone who comes from a village near ihoven and currently he lives in Eindhoven one time he told me I live so far away from my family it's 15 minutes by car when I shared with him that I'm considering going to Bali for two months just to explore and then I will come back to the Netherlands for him it was a huge red flag he thought that I was too adventurous if you think that it's Nord problem specific I'm going to politely disagree with you I met lots of Duchess from different provinces all around the Netherlands with the same type of mindset my guess is because everything in the Netherlands is so close that moving from einhoven to Amsterdam or vice versa it feels like a huge step for the Dutch people let alone move into another country of course this is just a generalization there are Dodges who are as adventurous as I am but generally speaking the Dutch are very hesitant when it comes to moving away from their families some of them might be okay to go and travel temporarily but most of them want to come back and live in the Netherlands this point is quite personal and very subjective just because I'm thoroughly adventurous I immediately noticed the contrast between me and most of the Dutch people but what about you did you notice anything similar and if you're watching this as a dachi does it resonate let me know in the comment below number four not romantic Dutchman lacks sense of romance and I guess it's because Dutch women are emancipated what I noticed so far is that for a good relationship it's sufficient to be faithful and treat each other with respect it's considered shallow impractical and unnecessary to buy each other gifts or bring flowers to a woman to me treating each other with respect and being faithful goes without saying but flirting giving and receiving gifts bringing flowers and doing small gestures it all adds more flavor to a relationship which is especially important when you look outside and it's just gray dark and gloomy so why not add some colors to your personal relationship but this is merely my point of view there are of course Dutch men who do get it but if I had to generalize I'd say that this is not the strongest point of Dutch man but again if Dutch ladies don't need it then it works well for both parties number five not gentlemen I've heard crazy stories that Dutch man would slam the dough in your face and how inconsiderate they are I don't have personal experience there they would not go an extra mile to hold the door open especially for you so you can enter in it's kind of a romantic gesture no we just come and decency I hold it open for you you hold the door open for me so it's just about being nice to each other if I have heavy bags I need to ask for help then they would happily help once I was in a grocery store with a friend of mine who is Dutch we bought lots of things in the store and since I was packing it I just grabbed bags and started carrying them he did not offer to carry he was kind of oblivious to the whole situation but then when I said hey it's a bit heavy would you mind helping me he was like oh okay sure the same Dutch friend when we were walking and there is a narrow space I'm used to man stopping for a second and letting me pass and it flows naturally it's not like he stops Waits and then he runs after you no it's just a habits for men from certain countries but this guy never does it it's a little bit funny to me because it's not even practical we cannot physically fit in this narrow space so I always stop for him and let him pass number six blunt I was on the first date where a man paid I said thank you very much for the drink I really enjoyed it to which he replied next time you are paying this happened to me multiple times if you're watching this as a Dutch you're probably thinking what's the problem with this right this year I have with this phrase is not about the content I don't mind getting him a drink next time but saying this is completely unnecessary because it feels like a transaction while it should be in my opinion a little bit less forced and rather light and playful it takes away from this romantic Vibe where he took me out he treated me a little bit now we moved into this business Vibe where I do it now you'll do it later pleasure doing business with you sir number seven live together before marriage the idea of getting married before living together seems uncomprehensible for most of the Dutch people it's curious because research shows that couples who cohabited before marriage had a 33 High chance of divorcing than couples who moved in together after the wedding ceremony 33 I know I was surprised too because to me it also sounds logical that you want to see how you're going to function together before committing to something more serious on top of this at some point you end up spending so much time together that it becomes unreasonable to pay for another apartment but yeah the facts tell us the opposite of course we should acknowledge here that not everyone wants to get married in fact a lot of dutches believe that moving in together is a far more important Milestone than signing marriage papers number eight no is no I've been here for six and a half years and I've only met five Dutch Men Who challenged me turning them down most of the Dutch man would say okay fine if you tell them that you don't see the points in going out with them again I understand where it comes from Dutchman wants to be respectful towards women and want to make them feel safe and all this but I sometimes feel that they give up too easily I remember once I told the Dutch guy that I don't think it makes sense to continue dating and I explain my reasoning to him he respectfully challenged it he acknowledged my point of view but he showed me another perspective and gave me some time to digest these insights so it's all about balance of course you don't want to be that creepy guy who cannot take no as an answer and accept rejection you also want to have self-respect and not Bend yourself too much for another person but engaging in the respectful safe and gentle conversation it's sometimes what's needed number nine family oriented while Dutch man might not make the most romantic Partners they're very family focused in some countries when the baby is born a man still maintains the same lifestyle while a woman has to make all the sacrifices in benevolence you will see men rushing home after work because they have to pick up their child from daycare they have a papa dog where they don't work and spend the whole day with their child in Russian women Pride themselves that they married someone who helps them with the baby I never honestly understood this phrase what do you mean he helps is it with my work task that he has nothing to do with and he's so nice and amazing to help out no it's our joint project we talk a line divide responsibilities and do it together so he helps me as much as I help him number 10 loyal one move to the Netherlands the idea of man going out was a little bit suspicious to me in Russia men go out to pick up girls at least that was the case 10 years ago in my Social Circle I don't want to offend anyone it's probably not like this for the whole country and for all men in Russia but that was the tendency I saw back then the Dutch men who have a partner go out to watch football hang out with their mates catch up talk nonsense whatever but not necessarily to pick up girls to be clear I'm not saying that this doesn't happen in the Netherlands but what I'm saying is that it happens to a far less extant than in other countries I've lived or visited I was studying with the Dutch man back in Germany we were both in our early twenties he had a girlfriend so he was in Germany she was in the Netherlands and he would never flirt with me or with any other girls they got married recently by the way I remember being impressed you are so young and so faithful then I moved to the Netherlands and saw that it's more like a rule than exception while talking about Dutch man it was not my purpose to criticize them I just wanted to share my point of view and my experience which has both its negatives and its positives just like anything else in life foreign [Music]

Channel: The Selfish Codependent's Life in The Netherlands

Views: 8,485

Keywords: moving abroad, moving to the netherlands, moving to eindhoven, moving to amsterdam, moving as an expat, moving as a student, dating dutch, dating dutch men, dating beyond borders, how to date, dating tips, dating advice, dating, dating realtionship, romantic relationship, the netherlands, holland, dutch, living abroad, amsterdam, expats in the netherlands, expat living in the netherlands, easy dutch, immigration, living in the netherlands, expat life, dutch men

Id: iBXQZ_wwfmc

Length: 10min 29sec (629 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 30 2022