>> JEFF WITTEK: Um.. >> LELE PONS: Thank you so much for coming here today. It means a lot. >> JEFF WITTEK: Yeah...we just met. >> LELE PONS: Yeah, I know. I feel like you're the perfect guy. >> JEFF WITTEK: I just met you yesterday. >> LELE PONS: The thing is that I get really attached to boys easily. >> JEFF WITTEK: What was your last relationship like? >> LELE PONS: My last relationship... >> JEFF WITTEK: It's cool you don't have to talk about it. >> LELE PONS: It was October 3rd when I met him. [MUSIC] >> NOEL LEON: Oh my God. I love that you're a vampire. I was totally team Edward. I love every single Twilight movie there was. I read all the books. But honestly like I love it when people bite my neck. It's kind of sexy. >> LELE PONS: Get away from me! >> NOEL LEON: Edward and the- Hey! >> JOHANN VERA: What's up Chula? >> LELE PONS: Are you looking at my boobs? >> JOHANN VERA: Hey! I wasn't looking at your tata's. I was looking at your- >> MALE CHEERLEADER: What's up? Trying to smash? >> JOHANN VERA: Listen to the sound of my voice: she's mine. >> LELE PONS: I hear everything you're saying. >> JOHANN VERA: Now get out. [BLEEP] >> MALE CHEERLEADER: What the [BLEEP] did you just say to me bro? >> LELE PONS: Oh! Does this hurt? >> JOHANN VERA: Aye [BLEEP] No. >> LELE PONS: Well I like your costume. >> JOHANN VERA: This is a costume party? Aye [BLEEP]. >> LELE PONS: You're gonna say you're a real vampire? [BOTH LAUGHING] >> JOHANN VERA: I have to tell you something. I'm a real vamp- >> BERNINA: Hey! I have to take a [BLEEP]. >> JOHANN VERA: Bernina! I'm about to tell her I'm a freaking vampire! Get out! >> BERNINA: Where's the bathroom?
>> JOHANN VERA: You come here with your diarrhea and [BLEEP]. Don't eat Doritos! BERNINA: Oh yeah. >> JOHANN VERA: So... >> LELE PONS: You're a real vampire? >> JOHANN VERA: Yes. >> LELE PONS: Do you want to be my boyfriend? >> JOHANN VERA: Can I suck you? >> LELE PONS: No. >> JOHANN VERA: Okay. >> LELE PONS: And that's how we became boyfriend and girlfriend. >> JEFF WITTEK: Yeah, he sounds like a [BLEEP] demon. >> LELE PONS: You're a [BLEEP] demon. I'm just kidding. No, no, no. He's awesome. >> JEFF WITTEK: Were his parents normal? >> LELE PONS: Oh his parents? Oh, they're super normal. Hey guys! >> VAMPIRE MOM: Oh! Good evening! >> LELE PONS: What's up? >> JOHANN VERA: You know we can't come in if you don't invite us. >> LELE PONS: Oh, this is my dad. >> VAMPIRE DAD: He looks yummy! >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Who said that? >> VAMPIRE DAD: Me. >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Oh! >> LELE PONS: Aye, aye Papa! >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Oh, I look yummy? Boy I'm a boxer! I go all the way up! >> LELE PONS: Papi! Papi! Papi. Can you let them in please? >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Oh! You should have said something. I'm sorry, my manners. Hold on. >> JOHANN VERA: Oh, immortals! [VAMPIRES LAUGHING] >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Hi baby. Who hurt you? It's my pride and joy. >> VAMPIRE DAD: Yummy. >> LELE PONS: He's had him since he was 1. >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Go play. >> LELE PONS: So, what do you guys want to drink? >> VAMPIRES: Bloody Mary. >> MOM: Oh, I will get it! >> LELE PONS: No, no! Never mind. >> MOM: I want to say thank you for coming to the dinner. And I appreciate- >> ANTONIO RAMOS: Ya, ya, ya. Where is the dog? Sangre! Sangre! [VAMPIRE DAD BURPS] [ANTONIO RAMOS SCREAMING] >> LELE PONS: Yeah, my dad didn't like him at all. >> JEFF WITTEK: So, what did you dump the guy? >> LELE PONS: No. No, not exactly. Well, we got married. >> JEFF WITTEK: Wait, how old are you? [MUSIC] [JOHANN VERA SCREAMING IN SPANISH] >> JOHANN VERA: That [BLEEP] burns! >> LELE PONS: Come on! Come in! >> JOHANN VERA: No, no, no baby. I can't go inside, that's a church. No, no.
>> LELE PONS: Why do you have to be the devil, huh? >> LELE PONS: Why? Hey! What else do I need to know? >> JOHANN VERA: Well, I always have vampire hunters trying to kill me. >> LELE PONS: What? >> JOHANN VERA: You feisty. >> LELE PONS: Ven acá! Come in here! Are these the guys that were bullying you? >> JOHANN VERA: Yes. >> LELE PONS: For how long? >> JOHANN VERA: For like 5,000 years. >> LELE PONS: So you guys suck at your [BLEEP] job. [VAMPIRE HUNTERS LAUGH] >> VAMPIRE HUNTER: Well we're gonna kill you now. >> JOHANN VERA: But you know normal bullets don't kill me, right? >> LELE PONS: Ha! They can't kill him! >> JOHANN VERA: I told you! I told you! >> LELE PONS: Woo! >> VAMPIRE HUNTER: But, we can kill her! >> JOHANN VERA: Oh [BLEEP], I don't know about that. >> LELE PONS: [BLEEP] >> JOHANN VERA: Go! [ALL SCREAMING] >> LELE PONS: Yeah, never mind. We never got married. No, no, no. >> JEFF WITTEK: So you move very quickly, huh? >> LELE PONS: Yes, but that's the beauty of it. >> JEFF WITTEK: You guys never fought? >> LELE PONS: Oh. Oh yeah. We fought, a lot. Yeah. I am sick of this! Do you know how hard it is to date you? Hello? >> JOHANN VERA: What? >> LELE PONS: Okay, first of all, you never sleep. And if you do sleep, you sleep upside down. Wake up! >> JOHANN VERA: I have ???, I can't breathe. >> LELE PONS: Okay! What about your fridge? >> JOHANN VERA: What? >> LELE PONS: What the [BLEEP]? It has no food, only an arm. >> JOHANN VERA: That [BLEEP]. >> LELE PONS: Oh my God. Oh. Another thing, your friends are always watching us? Why? >> WITCH: Who the [BLEEP] you talking to? Oh [BLEEP] no. >> JOHANN VERA: What's up guys? [HEADLESS GUY TALKING] [JOHANN VERA LAUGHING] >> LELE PONS: Are you talking to him? [HEADLESS GUY TALKING] >> WITCH: Yep. >> JOHANN VERA: He says he wants to kill you. >> WITCH: I'm gonna put you in the pot with your blonde [BLEEP]. >> LELE PONS: Oh you wanna put me in the pot? You wanna put me in the pot?
>> JOHANN VERA: Put her in the pot. >> JOHANN VERA: Put her in the pot. >> WITCH: I'm a witch [BLEEP]. [JOHANN VERA LAUGHING] >> LELE PONS: Girl, I'm gonna throw water at you! >> WITCH: You wanna go? >> JOHANN VERA: You tell them girl. >> WITCH: Now. >> LELE PONS: Well he still chooses me, right babe? [JOHANN VERA GRUNTS] >> LELE PONS: Knock it off! [WITCH LAUGHING] >> JEFF WITTEK: So, I'm guessing that's when you guys broke up. >> LELE PONS: What? No. We never broke up. >> JEFF WITTEK: What? So you're cheating on him? >> LELE PONS: No, no, no, no, no. I brought you here because you're his lunch. >> JEFF WITTEK: What do you mean "lunch"? >> LELE PONS: Oh, I forgot to tell you... My boyfriend's a vampire.
