Danny Trejo - Crossroads 60th Anniversary - Full Speech

wow my name is danny trejo and i'm an addict alcoholic i uh i was here a long time ago but i don't remember but uh everybody just kept telling me i think i think i've even stayed at that hotel that i was because it was hi mr uh i asked him was i hear yeah you were here quite a while ago and i was sober i uh you know i had no idea and this is just people that are just starting out on this journey of sobriety and being clean you got no idea where you're gonna end up let me honest to god he's like it's funny you know i uh i came out of prison in 1969 i had a year clean coming out i got cleaned in solidarity state prison i was in the hole me ray pacheco henry quijada we were involved in a very serious prison riot and some people got hurt really bad and uh inciting a riot is a gas chamber offense and ray pacheco socked a free person that's a gas chamber offense kihala ruptured the coach that's definitely a gas chamber offense and it was alleged that i threw a rock and hit lieutenant gibbons in the head that's definitely a gas chamber offense so 1969 it's 1968 cinco de mayo cinco de mayo everybody thinks cinco de mayo means 5th of may but if you're like a real mexican i mean from the heart you know cinco de mayo means get bail money 99 of the mexicans do not even know what cinco de mayo is celebrating you know what i mean just like let's get it wrong it's just a get drunk that's tequila was invented for cinco de mayo okay because you can go to jail and not even know why and uh and you can uh you can get out of jail and you're still out you could ask the judge well you're what am i here for you know it's a blank and so cinco de mayo 1968 that was when that riot started and if you can picture there's about 3 000 men in this prison in soledad and there's uh probably 2 000 of them are mexicans and probably 1999 are drunk or loaded there's one guy that's just not going to know i'm i'm naa or something i don't know but everybody's wasted and uh this riot started ray socked this free person and it just exploded it was just an explosion it's really it's not funny but it's yeah it is it's like somebody sucks somebody and then it's just everything people start throwing rocks and burning things and and uh i was a good burner i used to like light fires and uh nine times out of ten i would light a fire than realize i was locked in my cell it's not a good idea you know no and but this one day we're on a baseball field and this riot takes off and i'm go to the hole and race screaming ray had come down from tascadero with a state mental hospital that's run by the department of health that's that's the nut house but for the state and vacaville that's run by the department of corrections that's where i was and uh and uh still in nuthouse but we uh i'm hearing ray yell hey they might gas us and and uh i'm thinking they might you know and uh i've kind of just sitting here in this hole you have to remember there's no worse feeling in the world than a body full of drugs and alcohol and a mind full of alcoholics or narcotics anonymous it is the absolute worst feeling in the it'll make you cry okay it'll you just busted what i i know better you know i mean it's easy does it it's you all these all these things come on let go let god you know but you're locked up in prison and uh and the first time i ever heard about alcoholics anonymous was in 1959 right you know and me and about 20 friends a whole carload were cruising down van nuys boulevard in in my neighborhood and right on the corner of lev street and van nuys boulevard there was this huge craftsman's house and there's about 30 cars parked in front of this house now the neighborhood that i grew up in pacoima two cars in front of a house means they got guests you know it wasn't like a two-car neighborhood and uh well there was always like one car a chevy on blocks in the front you know but so here we hey there's there's something going on this this the murder capital of los angeles was bokoyama and they're not inviting the murders what the hell is wrong with them and it's like it was like this this this revelation wait a minute they can't do this and we stopped the car went to the trunk of the car to get the tools necessary to crash events we got tire irons uh hammers pieces of pipe uh i had a case of beer three bottles of wine half pint of whiskey i was already loaded on second red devils uh pills i had 38 snub nose and we um proceeded to crash this event you know kicked in the you have to you can't like walk up to event like knock on the door you didn't lock the door and call the cops so we kicked in the door and everybody rushed in and the first thing we saw was a big sign that said we care hold the key and we're trying to there's only two greetings you can get when you crash an event either everybody rushes to the opposite side of the room that means they're willing to throw this event in your honor or they rush to the side of the room you're on usually athlete parties they usually rush to the side of the room you're on that means they're not you know them tire irons and pieces of pipe and all that stuff we got the stupidest greeting in the world we had all these old p i hate saying old people because they were like 40 you know they come rushing at us high i'm bob hey and it's hard shaking hands holding a case of beer three bottles of wine half pint of whiskey loaded on pills you know and i always told my troops stay in the group look we stay in a group we got him they can't hurt us we got the weapons we had but what you guys did you did that divide and conquer when i look around you had them all in like little groups of four that counseling or talking about you yeah we don't drink it i'm trying to get out of here right and this guy stops me introduces himself and says uh danny i've been on the program eight years now i don't know the program in juvenile hall is like four months you know i mean what you're talking about a program you can't get out of this house you know and he says i've been sober eight years stupid thing to say to a guy holding a case of beer three bottles of wine get away from me you know i don't want to share nothing with you you drink all night he's i haven't wanted to drink and when he said that i can never remember even at 15 years of age not wanting to drink my uncle turned me on the grass i was eight years old gave me a fix that's twelve i started drinking right after that and uh that's one of the reasons i had a tough time like identifying in a.a because everybody always talked about everything they lost i drank for 50 years god you're 15 years old got a long way to go and they tell me i had a car a boat a cabin in mammoth and i was drinking scotch scotch i went to bourbon i think there's a step down i don't know i have no idea i lost some material wealth started drinking wine somebody else can you top this i drank for 55 years now wait a minute you guys are killing me here i'm 16 years old i got what 30 years left and inevitably say here he comes i had a car a boat a cabin in mammoth drinking scotch scotch i went to bourbon from bourbon i went to beer i ended up losing all my material wealth drinking wine in the morning in an alley and every oh my god here i started drinking wine in the morning in an alley so i started drinking i shot heroin with my uncle and i said wait a minute you tough shooting heroin when you're 13 years old and we started stealing wine out of dale's market and wine does the trick if you can keep it down you know if you i got thrown out of mccoy with junior high about eight times and not for be always but they had corn flakes on my shoes all the time from juicy and wine does the trick let me tell you something when you're 13 14 15 years old wine does the trick especially there's a trick to wine you know because wine you're getting a fight with wine and somebody kicks you in the eye you boom ooh that hurt put pills with that and it's like somebody kicks me like bang you see stars oh but you get enough pills it's like changes the whole attitude wow did you see me block that kick with my eye you know so this guy said danny look why don't you put that stuff outside and join us and i shut up old man and i got penitentiary to go to foo and uh because everybody in my neighborhood understand knew that we were going to the p you go to juvenile hall you go to youth authority you go to camp and you go to the pen everybody i knew that's what they did that was the road to recovery i guess i don't know and uh the success and and this uh this guy whispers the curse of alcoholics anonymous he says danny if you leave this program you're going to die go insane or go to jail notice how quiet the room got right there see that was the voodoo of alcoholics anonymous you're screwed i just cursed all you it's that simple do you understand it's like from now on you might forget everybody in this room everybody in your recovery you will not forget this mexican you won't when you see those lights in a cop car behind you and you know you're drunk or you know you're loaded or you know you're like something's spilt in the car watch the lights the lights go die going saying go to jail die going saying go to jail die go and say they do they do i swear to god is i watch them diego tingles god yeah so i'm going back and forth to prison you know i just did everything my uncle showed me how to do robberies that's what we did and it was like this crazy drug but you have to understand like weed you start smoking weed you're eight nine ten years it's not really bad and then your heroin that's just that was the neighborhood period and knowing about alcoholics anonymous i learned about alcoholics anonymous in prison i met my sponsor in 1962 in prison i was inside he was outside and uh he was a speaker and a guy named johnny harris and uh and i'll never forget he said he looked at me and he goes god damn you know what the only thing that's gonna beat you to san quentin is the headlights on the bus i thought that was a compliment i just yeah you got that right homie and and i see this guy like four times in different penitentiaries he's outside i'm inside you know so i learned about alcoholism i started a narcotics anonymous meeting in soledad state prison and uh since soledad like i said in 1968 i'm sitting in that hole and i'm thinking i'm through i'm done and again with with the knowledge of of the program the 12 steps or all of it right here and knowing i'm through i'm in the hole i'm butt naked i'm standing there it's cold and i'm thinking i'm remembering every teacher that i ever had wrote amazing potential i had amazing potential remember that all through school i failed but i had amazing potential failing but has amazing potential every probation officer i ever had unbelievable potential but i'm violating this inmate you know i mean i'm going back to jail yeah parole off same thing amazing i had a lot of potential now when you have a lot of potential and you're in the hole in soledad and you might go to the gas chamber your potential don't mean that much and it's like you wonder what happened you know you wonder what if you didn't know about the program of aa and if you did know about the program of n a you'd be okay because well this is what happens when when you do what i do but if you know about these programs you got this thing it doesn't have didn't have to happen you didn't listen remember yeah and just like you've got this this program back here telling you about hey it doesn't have to be this way and so i'm thinking i'm going to the gas jam all right i kind of i kind of had a reputation in the penitentiary a lightweight and welterweight champion i knew people and people knew me and we had a lot of drugs and and uh i had seen this movie when i was a kid and it was about some of you never east side kids and one of the guys the main guy in the neighborhood the guy with the good reputation the tough guy they were sending him to the chair and i'll never forget mugs and glimpy and all these guys that were in the gang were saying ah he'll spit in their eyes yeah he'll scream come and get me copper and then pat o'brien had to come and tell him [ __ ] no he's he went out like a little [ __ ] yeah he was screaming and yelling pissed his pants and i remember i remember asking god just let me die with dignity that's all just let me die with dignity and and i'll say your name every day and i will do whatever i can for my fellow man now that's what people have been telling me to do in alcoholics anonymous narcotics anonymous since 1959. do you understand just do whatever you can for your fellow man be of service they call that be of service you know and uh and by the grace of god we had a dj reject which means that they sent the they sent they sent the charges to the district attorney and he rejected it because the the the witnesses he had said your mother did it uh i saw your dad you know jesus told me to do it uh so the dj reject top of my top mount means just do your top i had a 10 top ray had a seven top because he had come down from cascadero which is mental health it was only seven years and uh so henry got out both those guys died in robberies i got out 1969 and august 23rd 1969 that's why i got out of the joint you know i've been clean sober ever since i've been on let me let me tell you you're not clapping for me you're clapping for what god's done with me because i i didn't have a thing to do with it there's there's [Applause] anybody anybody with 60 days clean probably works a better program than i do okay i suck you know i uh i've got 51 years clean and sober okay 51 years and i'm still doing the same thing i did in 1968 the same i haven't changed same thing it's like you would think that come on 51 years i can honey [Music] you would think i know where i got that that was funny but no 50 you would think come on you know some [ __ ] now nothing not honest to god i still do what my sponsor tells me and uh uh johnny harris god he's a beautiful dude man it's he's he's it's funny hey johnny sorry i didn't call you you know i mean i was in the ukraine the last time i called him you know and he says hey it's two o'clock another damn morning well it's nine o'clock here and i was in ukraine when trump and they did that phone call and stuff and so my every everybody panicked i'm wondering i like ukraine everybody they had one to get me out of there and i knew why and i don't even know what's going on and all of a sudden you want me to go you go yo did the check clear yeah the joke okay let's go and and and so you know like like everything good that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else everything i come out of the pen in 19 1969 i had i had no social skills whatsoever if you were on fire i wouldn't piss i don't care unless you owe me money i i no really i didn't i wasn't like a sharing caring person it's like you go for what you know and uh and uh uh i come out of the pen and i make this promise right you know because i thought it was just gonna be a couple of years then they were gonna kill me and it wasn't god fooled me and gave me the rest of my life he's okay now hold up do this so now i gotta say his name every day i say it eight nine ten twelve thirty times a day see i i don't want to i don't want to get pissed off you know and no and and and every morning do you know what dear heavenly father let me help every anybody i come into contact with that's my prayer and it's all about being of service this whole thing i have seen people god i have seen people pray god they got they got shrines in their houses and they died yeah they do it just that doesn't matter if you're not if you're not being of service i've seen people work the steps crazy i mean crazy and you can't work the steps and not be of service and you can't work the steps and and not and not and not be a spirit you can't it's impossible but people say what are you doing i'm working the steps leave me alone no you're not nerd you know if you're mad you're not because we a lot of us we've lost that mad thing we've lost the right to some of us i grew up i had no mad in me i had hear and rage that's it no way what happened to get mad oh do i want to kill everybody you know because most people i i was a court liaison for a narcotics prevention project and the worst thing in the world is go to court and don't have no mad because you watch attorneys well i uh holy i object no i wait hold up and you oh do you suck him now you're gonna suck at me you gotta decide cause you're waiting for him to get socked but people actually argue and and for me the bottom line to an argument was a murder so i don't i don't argue i still don't argue you know people want to argue with me i turn around you're not worth killing me you know so but so so it's like i i get to this place in my life now that that's all i want to do everybody i know everybody i know everybody that i call friend everybody that breaks bread with me has socks and thermal underwear in their trunk of their car because if you pass a homeless person and you just hand them socks and uh and some thermals here and then wait what who you with who you don't have don't hear you take the socks shut up and and because that's what we do and some people have the nervous thing why do you do that because they need socks that's all no for no other reason and the other reason is makes me feel good you know i'm like a feel good guy i was a feel-good guy i can't say i was a feel-good guy when i shot heroin because i really still don't know how i felt you know people say how do you feel when you shoot heroin i don't don't ask me but but here's this thing thank god i'm going to be funny today but but you don't feel you come out of it you i mean and it's the same thing growing up i want to party i wanted to party and i ended up all the time in a big overstuffed chair and if you ask me what are you doing i'm drunk so we get here however we get here and we bring our bag with us this bag of junk this bag of secrets and we're only as sick as our secrets and i did not know how to do an inventory when i got here and i went to him i remember asking frank russo frank russo frank russo i say that because he told me never to mention his name and uh and my spy my first sponsor coming out of the pen right and and uh and i said uh uh frank how do you work in inventory i'll never forget he says it's in the book so he asked me about a week later how you coming with that inventory i don't know mrs jones they know let's go to a meeting i went to a meeting in 1969 this is this is before they had the road map to the steps and all that you know you just go for what you know and and i'm in the meeting and this guy just says you're only as sick as your secrets whoa wow you know i mean boy am i screwed you know and uh and i started like i wrote down these secrets there's only about 10 of them you know i still got about 15 20 more but i and i remember i had them in my pocket for like three weeks and frankie what's wrong i want to show you my inventory secrets and okay so three o'clock in the morning after the late late meeting because that's all we did go to meetings go to the eight o'clock meeting and then the cause meetings used to be at 8 30. went to 8 30 meeting and then the the late meeting then the late late meeting then the early meeting you know and the morning meetings just go to meetings and so out in front of a place called uh behind the allen s in the alley we lit a fire in the trash can and we're standing there and i give him this this inventory of 10 secrets written on a gas bill won't even my gas bill now people come with like pages mimeographed and typed and computer and wow you did all that yeah and mine was i had it on a gas bill wasn't even my gas bill enough and i gave it to frank and he was reading he goes wow you did that then yeah did you like it yeah i guess so you did it again and and so then he had never again he tore it up and threw it in this fire in the smoke and then he's going like this and i'm thinking wow that must be some like some really spiritual ninja [ __ ] right there what are you doing she said i'm i'm giving all this to your higher power in the smoke i thought that is ninja right there and he says now every time you think about one of these things you got to remember you've given it to god in the smoke it's god's and i thought that's so heavy you know ten years later frank tells me do you know what danny i got amazed to make was i didn't know what i was doing i just made that up i said well don't tell none of my sponsees because they all think that god's got that [ __ ] in the smoke it worked you know so it doesn't matter how you do that i've been i've seen people try to work perfect there's no such thing with the perfection we don't deal with perfection we just we all we want to do is just get next to god and this friend of mine having trouble with a higher higher power what's a higher power it's not like a japanese motorcycle 7750 higher power and i said you know what look just stop a wave that's what sam a guy named sam hardy told me stop a wave just go to the beach and stop a wave just go there and stop a wave that'll be a higher power stop away like i stopped but we can't stop a wave i tried can't do it you know so people think this higher power has something to do with with god has something to do it's just admitting that i'm powerless do you understand that's all it is admitting i'm powerless wait a minute i am powerless take this who are you giving to i don't care doesn't matter i can't deal with it i remember when my son was like five and six he had better understanding of life dad you need a meeting shut up the hell's wrong you gotta tell me i need a meeting i love this program do you understand this program my son gilbert he had about with with heroin with drugs i'll never forget what he told me he says dad i smoked weed when i was like nine and you had taken me to so many meetings that the minute i smoked weed i felt like i slipped but when he was done he knew where to go my daughter i almost lost her to this disease did i almost lost her man it's like she was uh her cousin were asleep and she got up in the middle of the night and went fixed went back to bed boom went out and my little dog sergeant pepper started screaming and barking and biting uh uh corinna to wake up and karina woke up and looked at my daughter my daughter was blue drug her into the bathroom put her in a shower gave her a cpr and brought her back and i was in germany so they called my secretary and told her mary my tickle [ __ ] another one another lady on the program right that's all i got i got so i got people on the program around me yeah and uh my daughter called up and told mary i need some money no you don't you're going to rehab and i come home from germany my daughter's in rehab and uh parents sometimes are pretty stupid i got to say that now that i'm a parent because my daughter is so funny she went out on a pass and i just got off a plane uh she'd been in this rehab i just got off a plane and she called me daddy are you here yeah come pick us up we're we split up on pass and blah blah blah blah blah blah so i had to like take her back to this rehab and uh yeah they were with me ha ha yeah i'm sure they were they were with me you know no hell no they didn't split up and so then you know so then her counselor the next day calls me and says god mr trail we've had such a breakthrough oh my god it's beautiful that's what happened danielle confessed that she wasn't with you she actually confessed that she went out on on a date and and she backed they didn't get loaded we tested him damn and i told her never to plead guilty mr trail you're restricted from this rehab from now on [Laughter] my daughter's going on seven years clean [Applause] my son's going on six and uh my big boy he never had a problem you know he's a gamer all he just run around win money you know and uh i uh i said everything good that's ever happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else i got into the movie business on a 12-step call i want to just work with this kid and it happened to be on the movie set of a movie called runaway train john voight and eric roberts i walked out of this movie set i thought it was the cutest thing i've ever seen in my life all these guys were walking around acting like convicts it was like hey get out of the way mother just really you're growling and you know prison is probably the most polite place you'll ever be because if i'm a murderer and you're a murderer i don't want to offend you you know it's like that's simple and you don't want to offend me so but but they have this this thing of everybody running around pushing people it doesn't work that way you know and and so this guy says hey do you want to be in this movie and i said what i got to do he said you want to be an extra i said extra what he's just can you act like a convict so i'll give it a shot give me a blue shirt i take off my shirt i got that big tattoo the tattoo i got on my chest it it doesn't say i love america it doesn't say mom it says oh this guy was in prison yes prison tattoo needle and thread so you leave your shirt off so i'm standing there with no shirt like just taking this all in i kept smearing everybody these guys had tattoos i'd go oh hey you're smeared you don't have these fake tattoos everybody had a teardrop it was like funny and uh and this guy i'm looking at this guy he looks familiar he comes over and says hey you're danny trey oh yes i saw you win the lightweight the welterweight title up in san quentin i oh you're eddie bunker i knew this guy this guy was in prison with me and he was a writer and he became real famous in prison because he knew how to write ritz and a writ has to be grammatically correct and in the language of the court or they could just kick it out they don't have to misspell where they kick it out you know and uh and he uh he's what are you doing here danny i said hanging out with this kid they're gonna give me 50 bucks for acting like a convey and that was funny because we've been doing this for free forever right and he said are you still boxing i go down 40 years old homie i train but i don't get in the face anymore he says we need somebody to train one of the actors how to box what's it pay he said 320 a day are they going to give me 50 bucks for acting like i said how bad you want this guy beat up homie you know i i thought he wanted me to beat somebody up i'd say okay i'll write about it i'll tell john hey i did it for 320 bucks he'd understand you know and uh and then they were going to give me 320 a day i said i get to beat this guy up every day and uh he's no you got to be careful because actors really high strung he might sock you i said for 320 bucks give him a stick homie are you crazy i've been beat up for free i started training an actor named eric roberts how to box for a movie called runaway train and eric respected me and he would do whatever i told him to do and the the director who who who didn't understand movie stars movie stars are very high strung they suck and uh and and and he had had a lot of trouble with this one actor so he he saw that eric would do whatever i told him so he whenever he comes over to me and he goes real soft spoken a guy named andre kajalowski russian aristocrat his grandfather wrote a national anthem for russia i don't know he goes danny you be in a movie and you fight arrogant movie and you be my friend if you come from a prison background you get worried when people say you be my friend when people say that you're trying to understand okay are we talking miss or mr here there's very few buddies in the pen and and then he leans over and he kisses me on one cheek kisses me on the other cheek and walks away i look at eddie eddie i'm going to train the kid for 320 a day but if i'm gonna be kissing that old man i want more money no dan he's european i don't the hell that man i mean but they kiss you that was the start of my career from that day to right now i've done over 380 movies everything good that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else and if you want a better life get into service if you want a better life help everyone you can if you want to be i'm successful only by helping that's i got into the re the the i got into the to the restaurant business i i took a low budget movie that i really didn't want to do but they needed a uh they needed a lead they needed somebody that could get them the money so i did this movie called badass and i was okay i'll do it you know i mean and then they got their money and and the the producer saw that i like good food and he asked me danny why don't you open a restaurant jokingly i said trejos tacos two movies later this guy brings me a business plan a book here dan would you want to be me being the brilliant businessman that i am i gave it to my secretary check that out tell me how much they want and my agent my secretary came back and said hey this is not a bad plan they're not asking for anything up front are you kidding let's try it so i made the decision my agent already told him yeah it's a go so we've got trails tacos we've got six trejo's cantina we've got a trails coffee and donuts and again i did somebody a favor as everything good that has happened has happened as a direct result of helping someone else i got a restaurant in lax like by the puck guy that puck whatever his name is man he's got like he's really famous right and she hey puck what's up homie [Laughter] it really and it's like this stuff i started a record company trying to help somebody bang we dropped a wreck on album and then i got this little fighter her name is uh they needed some help training her name is sunisha estrada she just won the wba championship of the world it's 108 pounds and you don't weigh as much as the boxing glove man but but she you know her story is like so beautiful i love stories she says her dad comes out of the pen right he's a boxer he's training the boys she's eight years old and they're uh daddy i want a box no no no no no you can't buy for boys no no no it's for boys so she whines so much her dad gets this kid around 12 years old and says look i don't want you to hurt her but i want you to convince her she doesn't want a box right so they put her in with this 12 year old she beats the [ __ ] out of you i mean she she didn't know how to box but she had him on the ground trying to kick wait wait so she just she was on that canelo undercard she just won the wb c champ of the world she's like everything everything good that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of helping someone else and it seems to help everyone around me and i'm not the catalyst the catalyst is doing good the catalyst is helping your neighbor i got i got to tell you one i got i had two they both passed away now but i had two convicts right and they were living with me you know and uh there's always like four or five convicts around my house right and uh this one my neighbor comes over and knocks on the door and angel's there angel's doing it right he just did 32 years and he yeah i was indeed and uh and uh she says you know i'm here she hands him her keys and says i'm leaving uh for for a week would you would you please till then watch my cat and and and and you know feed the cat and watch the house and leaves angel walks into the living room hey does that lady know that everybody in this house has been busted for burger for burglary and angel and joey honest to god the cat got fat every night they would actually parole the perimeter they would go check everywhere it was like funny i got a video of him checking the window i said hey it's a good neighborhood homes yeah so everything good that has happened has happened as a direct result of helping someone else i don't know how many times i can say that i don't know how many times i can say i am so blessed i am so blessed just to be alive we all wait for that miracle miracle what mirror the miracle is if you're clean and sober and you you wake up clean and sober you're already in the miracle i'm in the miracle all i have to do is live the miracle i live the miracle every day god bless you thank you very very much you

Channel: The Crossroads, Inc. of Arizona

Views: 10,934

Rating: 4.9207921 out of 5

Keywords: danny trejo, crossroads, sobriety, sober, addiction treatment, substance abuse treatment

Id: gwjZoY6IEt8

Length: 45min 20sec (2720 seconds)

Published: Fri May 08 2020