P: Hey guys! So I'm here with a special guest whose name... *laughs*
D: (muffled) Every... every single time... P: You've gotta have a fun way to introduce the guest!
D: (muffled) Okay, sure. P: His name rhymes with Spaniel Towel... *laughs* *dramatic drumroll* *kids saying yay effect*
P: It's Daniel Howell!
D: Oh my god! D: You, I think we're, you can just call me Dan y'know.
(P: Hi Dan) D: We've known each other long enough. P: So did you know your name rhymed with Spaniel Towel?
D: I was aware. P: Was that one of your highschool nicknames?(D: no...) P: "Oi Spaniel get over 'ere, bring me the ball back" D: No, people just said 'Nerd, come over here, I wanna punch ya' P: oh
-sad dramatic music- D: So what japes do ya have planned for today, Phil? P: Well today we're getting very intellectual and we are talking about hair (Dan: Heh) P: Becuz--*laughs* D: I mean...y'know...to get to psycology and (P: Yeh) stuff I'm sure it has very--I can't do it--what're we doing? P: So why did you decide to embrace the curls?
D: Because I tried to have cool kpop post-emo hair
(P: Yeh?) D: For--cuz ya know, it's seven years...never, ever worked. D: Like, maybe in like five photos, in a decade, my hair looked good D: The rest of the time I just looked like a--a rat (P: Right) That had sex with a mop P: Well now I'm the only YouTuber with the emo hair!
D: You are literally (P: You've left me!)--you ARE literally (P: You've left me alone! >~<) D: Me, Anthony, Joey Graceffa... P: They all left me behind!
D: So many people were doing the whole thing, and then one by one, you've just been abandoned P: Well I thought today, I could try out the curly hair lifestyle D: By...revealing his real hair [conspiracy noise]--
Both: No. P: So the first thing is, when I was in my northern childhood (D: yeah) my mum would say "eat the crusts on yur toests" D: It'll make your hair go curl-- [weird sideye]
P: "Et'll maeke yur haer goe curly" D: Except no one thought curly hair was cool in the 90s, so it was like...uhhh
P: NO, so they were like "avoid the crusts!" D: Scuze me lady, chuck those things out P: Does everyone call it a crust? The edge around some bread.
D: What else would you call it?... P: I dunno, "bread-edge" *laugh* D: The BREAD-EDGE P: THE BREDGE P: So I thought we could eat four hundred crusts (D: *snorts*) [crickets chirp] and see if my hair goes curly in a science experiment P: But I thought that might take too long, so, I bought...
D: I really, really thought that that was the video idea for a second P: I bought some hair curlers! [children scream yay] D: Rlly...
P: Yes!
D: Really...that's--that's what we're doing-- P: So, I thought you could curl my hair, because you are the King of (D: Phillllll) the hair curls D: Okay firstly, as someone who spent hours every single day trying desperately to not have curly hair, I am like offended that you're whacking out some curling irons P: I just thought it could happen
D: SECONDLY, have you not SEEN hair curling videos on YouTube P: Yes, I have seen those videos
D: The only time I've ever seen a video of hair curling is when a girl literally rips out her own fringe D: With a pair of cur--and you want ME (P: Well) to do--you just admitted that your power is IN your fringe, and you're-- P: I know...
D: What--what'd happen if I balded you right now? P: Look, Dan: these were on sale.
[Ominous sound effect]
D: Okay, well that looks like an instrument to torture P: *laughs* I don't know how to use this
D: That looks like something else... P: *laughs* Erh...ooh! [snapping the clip at Dan aw m8]
D: Chopsticks, you f*bleep* perv P: Hey, I can't use chopsticks! I could take these to the Japanese restaurant D: Please, put this down
P: So, lets learn about hair curlers before you D: Well, I turn them on and then, y'know, just fricking go to town
P: Put them in my head--NO! No! Alright P: WARNING! Do not use this on YouTube for entertainment, uh *laughs* D: Phil I think I'm gonna murder you D: So you're supposed to get a hair (P: Yeah), wrap it round that
P: Like a pigtail D: But then, don't leave it closed for thirty seconds and pull (P: No) cuz that's when I rip your hair--your skull off P: It says five to eight seconds D: The other concern is that--this whole thing is like, boiling hot, right, like--it'll--it'll--it'll like
P: No, I'm scared of it already D: Burn you (P: Dan!), your skin will fall off
P: Please be careful not to burn me D: You have very short, like--right now, if I was to get a sample
P: Okay, lets practice with it off
[Dramatic music] P: You touched my head.
D: Your hair's too short! (P: You touched my head with it) P: My scalp's gonna be bleeding everywhere by the end of this video
D: Your hair is too short to curl! (P: It's not!) P: It's possible, yours is curly. P: Do you think it's gonna suit me? Like... (D: No) No? (D: No) D: They're on
P: Ohmigod, how do you tell? [Dan snaps the clip] if they're ready or not P: Dan, don't mess about with it!
D: I'm not, this is incredibly--and I appreciate that I can disfigure you right now P: Trans--f--form me--NO
D: Oh what was the last time I was on this bed? Ba--Abuse.
[Creepy sound effect] D: *Screech*
P: AH! Banana abuse--BA-ABUSE! D: We're about to have some...curl-use right now
P: You can't get me back P: Oh it smells like burning plastic, that's not good
D: I think she's ready [growly voice] P: Alright, curl me up. [growly] Bess (?) P: So what celebrity do you think you're gonna make me look like?
D: I'm--I'm gonna go for teen Nick Jonas D: But without the face, obviously
P: WHAT DO YOU MEAN without the face!? D: Cause, I'm gonna burn your face off *evil laugh* P: Right, just do it! Just...rip the plaster off!
D: I'm just gonna...I'm gonna start P: That's like the best bit of my hair, don't start there! D: Of cour--I'm--I'm gonna
P: Start like...on the side D: Do you not want me to start with the safest, least likely to permanently disfigure you? (P: Okay...) D: Lets go for this (P: I can't see)
D: Erkay (P: I can't breathe!) D: Ya don't need to see or breathe we're you're going.
P: aAh. Please don't touch my head with it. oOH D: Okay, that was--
P: Okay, count--which-- D: One (B: Two), three, four, five P: Release D: Ohkay (P: *Gasps*) (D: Ooh)
P: We have a curl! D: We have a wave!
P: Yeaah! I think it could be more tightly curled though D: Oh for god's sake I'm trying not to maim you
P: I want like--I want like...Dan curls :3 D: I am so freaking terrified Phil, you don't understand [Phil muttering something inaudible] D: I've got a whole clump. (P: Okay) It's undignified
P: I'm scared--Oh it's getting hot! D: One...two--
P: Well you've had--OW--stoppit STOP *nervously laughs* D: YA CAN'T do that
P: I felt it burning!--OOH! Lookatthat! D: Why do you still cling on to this emo thing (P: I--) when it died SO long ago? P: I think the fringe is part of my personality now. (D: Yes) I've had it for so long it's just who I am, so to get rid of it would just be too much of a-- D: To erase your personality (P: Yea) P: Imagine you're gripping the tail of a tiny piglet
D: Okay...SQUEE SQUEE.
D: I'm gonna pork you up Phil! [growly voice] P: No *laugh* P: My life is flashing before my eyes!
D: Wow, is it really boring? (P: HEY!) P: No!
D: Ooh, zingyling [wut?]
P: NO! I'm having a gr8 time. P: What would you call your salon?
D: Uhh...welcome to D's P: Wel*laughs*come to D's?
D: "D's H"...Which isn't Dan Howell, it's "Dan's Hair" P: I'd call mine "Lesty's Clippers"
[cheery music] D: Yea, I'd avoid the s*bleep* out of that if I was walking down the street
P: I think I'd be good! D: Alright Phil give me the top of your head (P: Okay.)
I'm going close to your brain (P: Please don't) D: If I slip I'll gouge these straight into your cerebral cortex [dramatic music playing]
P: I'm finding you so disturbing right now! D: I'm--I mean--(P: what is this?)
we're currlinggg yourrr hairr izz reallyy fun
[cheery music playing] D: I'm just thinking about how this would be such an easy torture device, like you could really (P: Could go to town) make someone like, do whate-- P: OW--OW--ow--Just like that! *nervous laughs* That got me right on the scalp D: Stop being such a chicken--nooffensechickens.
Are chickens afraid? (P: I think) D: Like why--why--why--is it like problematic to chickens?
P: I don't know...I think there's some confident chickens out there. D: Exact--I've been (P: Like, dude) chased by some chickens before (P: Yea)
I mean...that's maybe more about how unintimidating D: I am, rather than the confidence of the chickens, I dunno, but--
P: It should be... don't be such a guinea pig P: Cuz they're pretty scared of everything, they're just like
D: Guinea...guinea pigs are pretty scared, yeah but I...
Both: BRRBRRPRRPRR D: We need a safety word Phil, like what--what
P: The safety word is OW D: The safety word is AAAH (P: *laughs*) YOU'RE BURNING MY SCALP (P: Yea) PLEASE HELP [cheery hawaiian-ish music] P: AAAH that was a bad one
D: Get over it [more hawaiian music yay] P: Are you almost done?
D: I mean--I'm doing the last bit now P: The last curl!
D: Are you--are you ready for this? (P: I haven't seen it) Phil's gonna tilt up his head and it's gonna be a drastic transformation [Mario success noise] D: Three...two...one
P: Dadadadadaaa (D: Look at yourself) (P: *Laughs) D: What do you think?
P: WOW! I--that actually suits me more than I thought it would D: We have basically like the same head now--this is--we have the same haircut as--
P: Ohmigosh it's so volumous D: This was the only thing that was separating us. (P: Yea :D) It is volumous (P: It is!) D: You look like a cool Australian surf--
P: A cool Australian surfer? D: Yea, like a weird goth one that...has never been to the beach P: G'day my name's Jimbo and I--I like--staying inside
D: And I like to post on MySpace about Ma--MarilynManson (P: Uhh) D: Yep, that's what you'd say
P: So, what name would you give me if you didn't know me and you met me in the street? D: Patrick P: Patrick! I quite like that
D: Ya look like SUCH a Patrick right now
P: "Heeeyyy, mai name's Paetrick P: And I spend about seven houers curlink mai haeir everi morning." P: I feel like I should go take some cool Instagram photos now, and be like...
D: Yea, be like... P: SssOft curls
D: Whatssup, it's Patrick right now, I'm vee soft (P: Oooh) D: But you feel like y-you need the edge of your straight black emo hair to convey your personali--
P: Yea, I do, I do! D: How do you feel right now? Do you feel like you're...Do you feel like a-a--normie?
P: I--I feel like I'm not me! P: I feel like I wanna pull my hair out! It--it doesn't look like me anymore! D: In-depth CAAAAM (P: Ewow) Both: There we go D: Ooh, look at those curls!
P: Look at these curls! D: Ooh yees, woww, that's--
P: Could you ride any of them like a wave? D: You could surf the frick out of that
P: Can we edit on a surfer going through my hair? *soft music* D: There you go--That happened
P: Dadadanananaree D: I know that I could have done a better job, what DO YoU WAnT from mE
P: I--I think you did well! D: D--did you want banter and comparison or did you want good styling--cuz you can only have one P: Hey! You didn't burn my face off D: I didn't burn your face--
P: So, thank you!
[children screaming yay] P: Good friend award
D: That--that--that is a success P: BINK! (:3) D: Thought that was gonna be a high five P: THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED, the bit hanging down!
D: The one single--the Zayn curl (P: Yeaa) P: Now I've got the Zayn curl--you need a Zayn curl! Wait... D: That's--okay-that's-that's not quite the same thing (P: *laughs*) I think it looks good
D: That's--that's a metaphor for my life: comparing that to the Zayn curl P: So, in conclusion I think I'm not gonna keep this hair D: You're not gonna spend half an hour (P: yea?) deliberately curling your hair every day?
P: But hey, if I ever go to a-- D: Are you saying that my head is ugly?
P: No, but if I ever go to some kind of fancy party... D: Cuz..yeah...
P: I could curl the hair [*laughs*]
D: You go to so many parties, nevermind "fancy parties" D: That--that's a promise that you will NEVER do this ever again
P: I'm just gonna sit in a suit and eat popcorn by myself [fail sound] D: After curling your hair for half an hour...(P: Yeah) That sounds more relatable (P: That's what I'll do) [cheery music] P: So give me a curly thumbs up if you enjoyed this video
Both: *laugh* P: Thank you very much to the original curlyman Dan
(D: Thank you very much!)
For being in this video D: Yes
P: For my transformation
D: Click on my out of (P: Yeah) sympathy for my hair P: You can also check out my last video, where I collaborated with Tinder
D: Oh, god the cringe P: So, if you're looking to find someone you can download Tinder, the link is in the description
D: I nearly died from cringing so much P: Subscribe to Dan, click on his bubble, click on my bubble, have a nice day Both: Don't D: Use curling irons if you don't know what you're doing P: You'll burn your face off! D: But I didn't burn off Phil's: win
P: I'm gonna end this with a curl: GOOODBYEEE
