I had fun with a lot of stuff back when I was in college. Yeah it's easier to have fun when you're going to school
you have less responsibilities. I had fun with an ant infestation. Might sound unusual but it's true. I had a terrible terrible ant
infestation my senior year. Like thousands and thousands of ants. Never considered calling an exterminator. Overjoyed that they were
pouring into the house. Why call an exterminator? You don't call for backup you know when you've declared war. Those ants march into a house of death. I used to like to lure them
under the kitchen counter with some maple syrup. Maybe they would think
it was a sign of peace. Maybe I wanted to sign a
tiny little treaty with them. They were horribly mistaken. I'd let them gather then I'd
get a can of WD-40 and a match, a little napalm. This is war, ants! I'd burn 'em but I'd leave a few alive and I'd watch them walk
back into the wall. And pretend they were sending
a message to the queen. "He's gone mad, your majesty! "He burned Richard!" That's exactly how they
talk inside my head. If you wanna have fun with ants but you don't wanna
actually hurt 'em like that you can also just kinda
psychologically torture 'em. I discovered how to do that as well. Take one ant, put him in a Tupperware
container full of sugar, seal him in and just start laughing. It's his worst nightmare. All the sugar he could ever
want, nowhere to take it. Walk and walk around then around you know just losing his tiny mind. After like an hour you take him out throw him back on the ant
hill, laugh some more. They're gonna have
questions he can't answer. We smell the sugar Nigel, where is it? I do not know sire, I do not know! Yeah, those ants were British. All ants are British 'cause they colonize. Saw the new "It" movie earlier this year. Yeah thought it was pretty good. Pretty good, I wouldn't
have been able to see that many years ago 'cause I
was too scared of clowns. I used to be really scared of clowns 'cause of a childhood incident. When I was a little kid
about seven years old, wasn't supposed to be watching like HBO those kind of channels, but I
would always try and sneak it. And one time I started watching it and it was this movie "Poltergeist" the original "Poltergeist".
- Yeah! - Right, if you've seen that movie, you know that there was a scene. And there was little boy, maybe like eight or nine years
old somewhere around there, and he has this clown doll sitting in the corner of his room. And then when the house goes crazy with all this like demonic activity. You know one night he wakes up and the clown doll's
gone, it's under his bed, tries to strangle him. Well unfortunately for me
that clown doll wasn't a prop made for the movie. It was just a regular clown doll, you could buy it at any toy store. That I happened to have
an exact replica of. It was my favorite toy
for whatever reason, sitting in the corner of my room. It was so close to the movie. At that point it's like I'm
not even watching a movie, it's like I'm looking through a wormhole into my own horrific future. So I completely panic, but
I don't wanna tell my mom 'cause I'm gonna get in trouble. You know if she finds out
I'm watching something I'm not supposed to. So I think, I gotta
deal with this in house. And in my little kid brain what made sense was to take the clown doll downstairs, hang him from a door knob and just kinda work him
for about 30 minutes. Just punch him and kick
him and talk tough. You know "you're not
gonna strangle me!" "Stupid clown!" And then that backfired. 'Cause about 20 minutes into the beating I thought, well if he wasn't upset before, now he's legitimately angry. He has a reason to try and strangle me. So I threw him in the trash. And that's where the
story should've ended. And would've ended if my mom hadn't taken out the
trash that night and thought, oh hey Danny threw away his
favorite toy by mistake, I'll just put him back
in the corner of his room while he's asleep. Worst case scenario. I woke up early the next
morning to use the bathroom, about lost my mind. Clown-y magically back in the corner. Staring at me, and he seemed
angry, he seemed angry at me. Had recurring nightmares
for weeks after that. Became phobic-ally afraid
of clowns for a long time. But then I got over it. You know you gotta face your
fears, that's what they say. You gotta face 'em head on. So I was proud of myself. Couple years ago I didn't
like it, it was hard, but I went to the circus alone. Couple clowns came out
and I wanted to leave they're pretty creepy, but I thought no, you're
not gonna win again. I stayed for the entire
circus performance. And then I had the courage
when the circus was over to find one of those
clowns and follow 'em home. See how you like it. And then I waited for him to fall asleep and I snuck in his house and I sat in the corner of his room. And when he woke up you should've
seen the look on his face. The smile was painted on
but the tears were real.
