Crucial Relationship and Marriage Questions Youth Ask | Kingsley & Mildred Okonkwo

you okay thank you Hallelujah all right please again remember what I said straight to the points just ask your question I would say I'm able to join the one day let's start with the sister about their place yeah all right my question is it okay for our mother-in-law to come stay with them permanent is it okay for the mother-in-law to come and stay permanently no I don't think so I don't think okay I don't think that it's okay for us to come and stay permanently because the Bible says that you should live father and mother and cleave so God expects that a new family will start from you I understand visiting coming and going but if she doesn't have a place to stay then they should work together as a family and set her up on her own but having her you can't have two two women in the house as heads of the because one is a mother one is a wife there will be challenges and there are necessary challenges do you understand so I don't think she should stay permanently should she have access to visit her children her grandchildren yes you should but this is all based on agreements that they have both of them must agree okay on what they want if she's not for it then her husband shouldn't um but permanently no I don't think so yes and situations like that it's not really about the Mother-in-law it's about the fact that both of them are not close they are not on the same page husband and wife because he can't make that decision on his own so it means they are not communicating their of friends they're not working together as a team so this is just a symptom the mother-in-law is symptom he will make other decisions like this without considering his wife so he even they even need to understand what marriage is there is a partnership and a union it's not just you making a decision you like all right thank you my question my question is as regards what Pastor Keith said and when he was talking about men that are 35 getting married as a man you know people say that if you marry Ellie you don't know what you want you are getting so what you know is changing tastes for men and when you are 20 you like a particular kind of woman or man a particular kind of woman now when you begin to go bro test and changing tastes for men how do we address that all right um good question the key is that it's more about maturity than your age my wife is the first person and the only person I ever dated yes I don't have exes so you don't have to kiss many frogs before you find your Prince Charming many people use dating to do try your luck that's not what dating is normally you shouldn't be available for a relationship if you are available for marriage is from the time you agree to marry and when you marry is what the relationship is relationship is not a destination by itself for six months one year go to another person no take time to invest in yourself find out what it takes for you to be a responsible man I mentioned to the vision the reason why it was easy for me to know who I was married I knew where I was going I knew I was going to do ministry now automatically streamlined the kind of ladies I am interested in do you understand so there are things you need to find finding your purpose finding your vision finding God finding yourself who are you what are the things you like so the reason why some people are 30 can't even still find who they want is that they've not found themselves they've not found God they've not found purpose when you find purpose extreme lines I met a lot of fine girls not many of them who qualify I knew what I was looking for I'm looking for somebody that would do ministry of being a partner so um it's not really about your age if you invest enough in yourself so how much books have you read how much knowledge do you have about marriage if you invest enough in yourself you find out that somewhere in your mid-20s at least you should be on a in an area where you can make a solid decision all right if you have invested enough but you see it's not really about time somebody at 35 has not invested enough spiritually in his life for instance so he can't even hear God he needs somebody to Prophet to hear for him if this is my wife so you see there's already a problem so it's not really about age it's about maturity if you invest in yourself enough you can make it happen faster and if I may just add to that um I always advisement my for where you're going now for where you are today okay if you have a picture of the future you want they marry up my into that future might a woman that will inspire you usually what makes men say oh their their taste changes is because you're looking at the girls around you now but they're not the ones that will cross over to the Future so you need a woman who will fit into your future wow Hallelujah thank you Matt thank you sir um Sama what am I in a situation whereby the ladies one who knows her purpose she already discovered our purpose already she knows it so what what kind of man should she go for foreign looking out for can she settle down with just any our brother in the church who is also um brother is another so what kind of you can also project please now all right so that's a very good question most times when we say things and just talk about men it's also both ways it happens it's also affecting women we just don't want to describe the whole thing so as a woman definitely you can also marry just any man you see all right so amongst the men coming you must pick one that can fit into your own purpose also all right and for you now you use ministry as a distance it can be anything I mean business can be career you can have a big vision career-wise don't look for a man that is insecure make sure it's a man that has a room his own vision is large enough to also accommodate your vision not only for a man that will let you fly look for a man that will help you fly you see there's a difference some men will not allow you fly that's not the question some men will let you fly but they won't add much to your life that's okay because you know but some other men will understand that their job is to cultivate you so they will constantly be looking for how to help you be better in what you are called to do so that's the kind of man you need and let me just say that it doesn't necessarily have to be a pastor because sometimes that's what mistake people make look at other women of God like Joyce Meyer um there are some people who are doing great things for God and they also annoying Pastor it just has to be a man who is securing himself a man whose Vision like pastuke said is large enough to accommodate yours when I met Pastor k um I knew I was called to Ministry but I was very shy very reserved and content not to push myself but he kept seeing something and he kept pushing and kept pushing first time I ever preached in church where it's just after first service just say you're preaching second service I say no second service you say you're I thought he was joking he went outside I was gisting so they came to me and said they should call me up and they called me up I first for like two minutes I first worshiped well well because and that's exactly what happened so from that time on I lived I now learned to live ready because this man can do this to me again so that's how I start cultivating myself and today now I have the privilege to preach with him when he goes to places so it doesn't always have to be that he's a pastor but because being a man who can cultivate you you will notice he's always interested in making you better not be intimidated when you are rising you know there's some men that can't stand their wives any more than them that can't stand their wife be promoted watch out for those signs the man must not just allow you fly he must be ready to help you fly he's interested in you being the best version of yourself so look out for that all right thank you sir thank you man yes ma'am all right so I wanted to ask um what if you have that godly man the one who's got everything like Pastor Madrid you know explained especially one who loves the Lord but you are in a relationship with this person and for like 21 years if I may say a quote this message is not coming out it's okay today this one we are fixing the Bible you are being people know that both of you have been in a relationship and he likes you so he has already marked his territory so what do you do with such an individual especially in the church yes so Pastor I want to stand up to answer this one so ladies please I've begged you men don't have a great relationship with timing men have Financial clock women have biological clock I have a book here tied to seven questions Wise Women ask I said um I want to go out Define relationships don't let the man say Hey you see I want to see how it goes how we close we can closely be cleansed and tight and look at her possibly a future can arise maybe in the what's that and the girl say yes yes to what as a lady once you are even above 22 23 you are not available for dating what you are available for is marriage now when the person comes and makes the intention known the dating is just a period from when we agree to marry and when we eventually marry so I don't understand if somebody comes I want to date you and they did you for several years and they say thank you very much I have dated you and now you are dated have they lied it's not dead they said they came to date you haven't they dated you so he has not broken any promise he says he's dating you and he has dated you now for five years say thank you very much this dating was sweet that's a woman don't know most of you are agreeing to things that won't favor you and it's not a man's fault he has Financial clock most men will never think they are ready because they have men always have projects and dreams so they think there's a time will come that they will finish out their dreams no even as he has dreams imagine if you're starting to fulfill all his dreams before he married our dreams never finish so as a woman is you that we make him understand you have um biological time a man can have children at 70 I have an uncle that is this high it's my uncle is because my grandfather also married somebody when he was 70. his wife died he's still remarried men can have children at any age but you as a woman a guy is dating you definitely and you are following him seven questions to ask me ask one of the questions I want to marry you say when because the time might not work for you if I want to marry you 10 years from now is that okay with you it's not okay with me but you see he doesn't mind he can marry when he's 50. he can marry you at 45. he's different for him he can have his children at that age you you cannot I guess what I'm saying when I propose my wife I propose with date my proposal was how does August sound in your spirit it was not romantic but it was practical and by the other that was in February by the August of that year we had International wedding so I don't see how people are proposing today people are focused on the picture you point the ring and ten years after I was still showing that ring no marriage Ten Years After pastor of shall I had a friend and it's not that they told me the story somebody I know personally he dated somebody for 10 years wow and they don't marry the person how many years did I say 10. I did not marry the person and when when the lady got tired and left I went to marry another person he dated another woman for under 10 years yes it's not story it's not the story that I heard these people I know all the people I'm mentioning all the two ladies and everything man I know them personally not that from far I know them like this 10 10 years [Music] is somebody getting what I'm saying we may you have biological clock men have Financial Club most men will never feel they are ready it's you that would say look you what do you want I want to date you I'm not available we'll talk he said but Pastor if I may if I say what I want don't I look desperate this your own plan is also still desperate it's your plan of pretending you don't know what you want meanwhile secretly your mind your prayer every day oh God let him say something what did you agree to don't agree men are always say what they want I want to date you is that what you want as a woman if that's what I want to do make your own it's negotiation say I want to marry in next two years is that work for you okay go when you are ready come don't date indefinitely so one of the Korean must ask is when let it be said to if you're married in a year or in two years your body language from now will make us know you're ready for one year marriage you start putting things in place you come to church of marriage counseling you let's go and talk to my pastor let's go you put don't just don't let somebody get you your secrets or in isolation he can keep you there permanently several years man and let me tell you most times most times when they're dating you definitely like this they're enjoying all the wife benefits that's why can you imagine what's your best foot sir bad idea my what a foreign that's what young people are doing meet a very fine girl fine boy you want to marry and he's a definite relationship before you know it you will taste the soup someone feed your soup they've almost finished the soup they've not paid they have licked the soup around they've not paid it's difficult to keep looking at something you like and not eat it when it's there in your front it's difficult so this is what we're doing around let don't let anybody date you and definitely fix the time if it's six months nine months let's start canceling let's start something and you move from there don't just sit down so go and renegotiate and say what are your plans give me don't wait you are in a relationship agree to something don't wait for him to be you had many girls are the mercy of a man but you're in a relationship he's tying you down you are driving other suitors then you're waiting for him to be ready no no fixed date what's your plan when are you when and get counselors involved don't date in secret you have leaders in church you have Pastors in church wherever Church you belong to if a man wants to that you bring him to a pastor hey in a big church let me tell you something in a big church like this some guys can have three ladies the problem is marriage don't tell anybody oh so having structures in church where you don't start a relationship except somebody leadership knows it helps because the same guy can't believe three girls last week there are three services in this church he will have baby need to service so you set it in clay and uh let me just add to that yes those kind of guys are people that we call human delay you know them they're no good they're not go past they're not coming for class they will just block your road other five fine fine boys that could have married you since they've seen that they've marked territory and you are not territory You Are a Human Being you are not an inanimate object it's only dogs that Mark territory so that's in itself he's already telling me the kind of guy he is so for your own good go and have that conversation and negotiate you say you want to marry me when he must give you a win that's what makes it caught you right now you're not in courtship you're just dating you're not in courtship the minute he tells you this is when I want to mine from that point he has told you to the point you get married that's courtship so go and have that conversation don't let anybody block your destiny if he's not going to go there are other people wow I'm gonna after that I'm going to ask just one question later Sam about divorce and remarriage uh that one I will sit down they'll probably record that one special now I want to please next person you are not projecting any of the written questions media what's going to I said just put it up I will take the ones we should take very briefly man thank you very much sir thank you very much so my question is this that everybody knows everyone knows what they want so what about having a scenario where you already have a list of what you want in a person like your ideal man or woman not like a spec it's different from respect but like you you know where you're going like you know what you want in a person so even if maybe you're just missing a person for the first time you already know okay yes this is not the person I want other about or that kind of thing but like you've asked people around and they are telling you okay fine this thing is Not Practical maybe for you as a Christian and other people are saying that it is possible that if you ask God what you want perfect to get everything so is it normal for you to chase other status away because of that reason and still like hold on Keep On Believing that yes that person is coming all right when the Bible says things like delight yourself in the Lord and they will give you desires of your heart it doesn't just mean that you can dream anything that I want a man that has two head that's not what they are talking about when you're really Delight in the Lord it means you have you are yielded and submitted to God so your desires are purified they are in line with God's will for you they're in line with God's word so you need to prayerfully look at that list I don't know what is there but for instance if you're saying you want a man that is tall that has no bearing in the marriage the height of a man have you seen any marriage that is working for 20 years what Secrets say hmm is the height of this man hey that's why we are here it's not so you see so sometimes we have I don't know what's wrong who should I marry the real things that should be there are 10 C's I mentioned there there are some real stuff that can be negotiated for instance Christ the person must be a Christian that's a solid thing that should be on your list interestingly Pastor or many people's list is not important they can marry unbeliever if it's nice if you stop so Christ is one number two character what's the behavior like that one can be negotiated if it's somebody that's a fraudster if he's a far one night guy if he's a guy I don't know his work he's lazy or he's rude he's harsh he's abusive what's his character it might be a Christian but his character is not yet christ-like or Godly he doesn't qualify do you understand so that's solid number three things like companionship can we talk if it's even my friend if we're not having sex if we're not touching ourselves can I enjoy just talking to this person do We Vibe together so there are some major things that should be on the list but I can tell you from experience many women particularly have things that should be flexible they have it as rigid so they miss a lot of people for instance I give you a simple one suppose I can't buy someone that's not a graduate that's not really true what you what you mean is that you can't marry somebody that is not the same intellectual level with you so what you want is intellectual compatibility it's not paper if it's paper you want they can print paper for you but there are people that are graduates you can't stand you can have a conversation with them the guy who speak a word of English so what you want is intellectual compatibility when I married my wife she had master's degree I had ond you know ond o means ordinary n is national International is Nigeria I started what I'm saying but at I have to tell you that I'm smart we've never had to see the Gap but anyways I can't marry now that means you can't marry begins all these great people that have changed the world because they are not graduates unless at the time they started so you to be clear what exactly you want which we shall we call it Clarity sessions many women they feel I want all what does thought of stuff if you have a short guy that is faithful it's more important than a tour guide that is unfaithful do you get what I'm saying so the character is more important so I don't know what's on your list some things on the list should be rigid some should be flexible now I would like to allow but if it's not tall and it still has all these other things his Godly is a good Christian he loves me if he has all those things I'll manage his height where he is you see you're already in your face you won't talk see the average woman once told you don't even know why you want all you were programmed to one talk yes I don't have time to go into that today that's why you can't trust your emotions but if you are following your emotions your emotions are based on what you have programmed for instance if all of you are Nigerians if I do like this to a black the white man he would do like this back to me he'll say hi you think I'm greeting him the reason why this is not bringing any negative emotion to him is that he has no negative programming about this but you as a black wife like this for you you know this means God punish you you know this means Waka your father you know what it means so if I do it to you it will trigger negative emotions the problem is not this thing the problem is they are programming the same action with different people will get different results so that person said you don't like is based on what you have been programmed what you have been watching what you have been hearing that's all you must be tall it must be rich many of you are mixing 10 different men together sorry you want a man of God With the touch of brother boy [Applause] okay let me just let me just quickly add to that two things that you need to consider um number one is are you also the kind of person that the person you are planning on that list will also like that's something you need to think about as well then the second thing is you need to be careful about all these things that you put in your head because they can be blockers the things I told God I didn't want I didn't want my pastor I didn't want to marry an IBO man I didn't want a man that was fair in complexion I didn't want a hairy man and I'm very happy because the most important thing because those things are they are they are not the you know there must be non-negotiables and then the ones that you're flexible with in fact at the time I wasn't really flexible with them but when you start to in the place of prayer God starts to save your desires and your desires start to align with God's will so the most important thing for me was that the person should be my friend I wanted a kingdom partner I wanted someone I could talk to so when I hear women say things like how do I tell my husband I'm not among I tell him anything I want to tell him how I want to tell him if he first I will tell her I'm sorry even I don't then they worship you now human being I go beg you you know there's my point is that the things I wanted are here is he Igbo yes is he Harry yes is he fair not anymore yeah is he is he a pastor yes the thing the thing I must wear Pastor now so that's does it also just be careful of those things there should be non-negotiables like character is in Christ some certain things is working he can pay the bills is responsible all those things thank you if I take uh the next person you know Master midrand asked the way off saying some very powerful things in a something you just mentioned now you just said it in passing that what you want to see what you want what you are putting on your list how you want somebody to be like are you like that also you know I have seen people one lady and her husband they were talking to me many years ago now from having serious issues and the guy was like I want her to look like this and I look at the guy talking see how you look so one day the lady got hanging and said me too I want this pack and then the guy almost beat her and then they came to see me one day I said you see now you are beginning to understand what it means when you are putting someone else Under Pressure she must lose weight and I looked at this lady not waiting anyway and I said no now that she's also saying that you too you must have six pounds so it's 50 50. we should be careful what we write what we say you know in some cases those who are asking for a tough person you are short yes anyway let's take yes thanks for the word so sir I want to study the course of today's I'm teaching you got to know that um marriage is all about forgiveness but then uh if we have a a spouse that is I don't want to use the word talkative now that is gifted in speaking or loose with speaking and you know you have a project or maybe you want to travel abroad and you didn't discuss it with anyone but people are already approaching you and you know complimenting you I said why did where did this come from I got to know that it was your wife now in this kind of a case you know I understand that there's nothing prayer cannot do but then you've tried all possible best how do you undo such situation how do you deal with it if you're already married I don't think there's so much you can do about it except try to help her manage information and if you are married then you have to stay there is it is not a ground for divorce contrary to what people think you can just stand up and be going no it's for better for worse we don't choose our worst this is your worst so you have to ask God for wisdom the same way we tell women to pray when their husband is difficult I'm also saying you may need to pray for God to give you wisdom secondly manage information that you give her is as simple as that you know it's not everything that you say if you don't want that if you don't want people to hear it then manage the things you tell her thirdly have this conversation with her maybe she's not aware if you have this conversation with her then she may be a bit more conscious before she lets things leave her mouth I don't know if her skin wants yeah and there's nobody that doesn't have a good side so what's her good side cultivate her good side if she has a pressure for talking that means she's also a good preacher you need to channel it properly positively right now it's being used negatively but with mentoring with maturity with prayer with love she can start to use it positively yeah [Applause] uh good evening and uh thank you for taking the time to talk to us today my question is uh you you mentioned earlier about how that woman loves to see men lead and uh you also spoke a little about guys that are laid back someone like myself I'm laid back and I don't want to come up so strong or so opinionated so I will tell you something but in a subtle way I'm not really going to come out so strong what will you what what advice will you give for guys that are laid back and demonstrating leadership in the home thank you okay that's a fantastic question um I generally don't have a problem with laid-back leaders in fact I think they make the best leaders the problem I have is with lazy leaders there's a difference between being laid back and being lazy if you are laid back it means that you are easy going you take things easy it also means that you'll be very good at delegating so you may not take the lead but you may have the vision and let your wife run with it you can tell her but there's no question as to who is in charge now with laziness is why I have a problem where you don't want to get involved you don't want quarrel you don't want to talk let her figure that's where the problem is so what you need to do is cast The Vision you may not be Forefront you may not be pushy but there's a way you can lead someone without being domineering okay so you can say what you want without it being like I am at this my head you can also um one of the things about leaders is that what you do is you cultivate everybody's strengths and use it you know so you can ask our opinion on things first okay interestingly is laid back people don't know he's very laid back so what happens usually in our home is that if he wants to make a decision first thing you do is ask me honey what do you think it was a lot of times if you notice this evening if somebody has a question you don't answer I'll say no you answer so he always asks my opinion about things and then he casts the vision and I run with it I'm more of a Hands-On kind of person he's more of a this is what we want to do want to buy this TV I'm the one that was asking usually you would have probably attracted a woman who is into the details she's more driven so all she needs to do is understand how to respect you and allow you lead she will know the right time to step back but you must be very strong on casting vision and taking responsibility are you married not yet I'm single okay so there's a high chance you might track a stronger personality so that's okay she must just be able to respect yes the lady I'm actually dating right now is also laid back she's also very chill but it's I don't know for us it works so well so yes so I just don't I'm trying not to overstep my boundaries and come off too strong but I know what I want you on time most times she gets on board with me however uh I I was just I needed your opinion so just yeah but I don't think sorry sorry okay so I don't think that leadership means you should be bossy right if both of you are laid back um what that means is that both of you are the kind of people that probably have conversations about things that's literally how our homes that's good yeah that's fantastic so just just be very firm and take responsibility responsibility response is what I'm really talking about when I say leadership so if there's something in the family you know you guys have conversations be on top of things that's all because where people are a bit like you they are not careful they'll be so laid back that they won't be responsible so when things are happening in the country they'll just be tired they'll fly to UK for checkup they'll be too late back so when why you laughing when things have any company they don't respond they don't speak so if you're not careful you can be too laid back so make sure you always rise to the occasion right next question I don't know people are laughing yeah okay thank you very much my question goes like this okay what advice do you give a woman who already knows what she wants out of life she knows her temperament and she knows our love language and knowing fully well that there are a lot of people who pretend in this modern world how does she go about it she already knows that temperaments are love language and what she wants in life so choosing a spouse or a life partner how does she go about it and how does she detect the pretense out of the people like the men she meets okay I'll just answer this in the same as simply as I can um if you're in a room and there are five black people one says Charlie the pressure is getting worser the other person say how far now are you there and you want to marry a Nigerian would you you are you a Nigeria I want to know where Nigerian is if you're a good Christian it doesn't take you long to know another good Christian deep calls to Deep you will recognize immediately so don't worry too much about people that are pretending if you're not a pretender you'll recognize a true Christian and if you're a good person trust me or God is Not mocked whatever you so you will reap he will send you a good man [Applause] the modern syllabus what's the question sorry would they say it again modern syllabus oh God bless you um good evening sir um sorry this by come as a little controversial but I was assistant to ask it's two questions basically based on sexual Purity first in marriage you know about IVF and artificial insemination and all that and the process it takes you speak about masturbation in a word in it sense and I know in that practice for the man to you know donate his sperm he has to go through that procedure most times I'm I'm questioning the practice is it ethical do you think it's okay for a Christian to go through that procedure just in the case where they can't have children normally then the second question is in the bedroom [Music] sex is for two things procreation and Recreation is there a limit to how far one can go in the bedroom all right you have to give me for the second question you have to tell what you mean by limits okay uh no this one I can have a basis for it I just asked a simple question it said how far one can go in the better okay um for the ivf1 first of all um interestingly your spouse can be there when you are um bringing out the seat so it doesn't have to be purely masturbation but even though if you are doing IVF and you have to do that I think it's like it's not for pleasure I don't know if you understand what I'm saying it's like when um how will I explain it some drugs that people take there's cocaine in it for instance if you have a serious injury serious bone they will give you a tablet that has cocaine in it it's very different from when you go up to the streets and bike cocaine just to be high he said when the Bible said thou shall not kill it's on the premise that you're not trying to they're not trying to kill you if you're somewhere somebody's entering your house to shoot all your family and you kill that's why I share testimony [Music] not too cute and you saved your family or the guys that go to war if they are not kill the terrorists should have killed this whole country if there are no soldiers that can kill so let me forget what I'm saying so if you need to obviously understand the basis and the foundation of everything okay so that's on the first one all right the second one you said um there are limits in the bedroom the challenge we have with Christians today is that they are bringing perversion from the world things they built and let us sinners and they want to use it to build a Christian home so you are used to being hung on the fan when you were not born again so now you enter marriage and you want your husband or wife to hang on the fan so you are trying to quench an ungodly first in a Godly marriage so sex is a beautiful thing um as long as it's not bringing shame what the ACT you want to do is not bringing shame it's not bringing hot and it's not this disobeying God in any way you can go you can do anything you want to do in your sex bed I know that people that don't believe that you can do another style it's only missionary style there's no such scripture you are free to do anything you like on your sex bed as long as it's not a Health Challenge it's not bringing shame or it's not disobeying God in any way and both of you agree it's not the humanizing the other person and both of you agree you should do it you see Love Comes above sex but what the young people want to do is that sex for them comes above love so I want to somersault and your partner doesn't want but if you don't have I don't be happy love love makes me sacrifice so when you are whole sexually there's no pressure that I must do one particular thing but when you are full of this thing and you won't find happiness in this life until you do this thing then you are becoming a Slave to to those things all right Tom is your wife here God bless you I hope she cooks for me tonight she he said that you know she cooks for him tonight she must fry you tonight but as as many couples you guys should discuss what you want some people ask things like is oral sex okay um in a marriage bed for married couples um you already know around sex if you're kissing yourself sex or have sex any sexual thing you do with your mouth so if you're kissing it's part of our sex if you are kissing your wife's neck it's oral sex if you are as long as your mouth is part of the sexual activity it's part of oral sex so I don't think there's anything scripturally wrong with it the Bible talks about your wife's breath satisfying you at all times be ravish in fact there's a popular story but the point is that if it's horror says kind of question generally if the couple agree it's fine you know and if it's now BDSM you want to Vlog and chain and choke somebody I think that's the harmonizing you are beating somebody Pastor I can't send somebody that she has in mind for about six years or so she has a child but she has never had sex I call her the second Virgin Mary she's a virgin but she she has a child I should never accept the husband physical intercourse how because when she's from a difference do you want to marry the man the man has not been able to have sex with her because the man practices btsm and all that and she cannot do that so they can't have intercourse but they use the IVF and go to have a child so she's still a virgin because her mind as a virgin she's still a virgin even though she has a child so wow sexual perversion is real people don't know it's crazy that's why all these experiences you are gathering it might it might be disadvantage to you in your because you'll never be satisfied you'll never be satisfied all right thank you sir wow let me welcome Pastor have you come with your seat yeah as we take and then can you um can you help us move this because of the camera because I want to we have just about 10 minutes and we'll go please just uh wait till we are I just want to ask this very important question thank you usually this is the aspect that we don't talk about very often and I think we should look at it some awards I want to know your opinion when it comes to divorce I will start this way that and this is a very crucial this is a very important issue are there cases are there situations which you will recommend a divorce among Christians I have seen where some get to a point where it is obvious in most cases there is somebody that is just not willing for the marriage work usually this is someone that will even defy pastors or the world and unfortunately most times we've seen men doing this are not limited to men even women at times somebody being totally unreasonable and making Everything At what point and in this case what should a Christian do are there situations where Christians can actually that you will recommend that look from what I'm looking at I will support should you choose to move ahead okay very good question um again I did a video on this some months ago and it really trended we were confused um many Christians have never really studied the Bible um Jesus never said anywhere that people can never divorce interestingly most of the time I won't be quoting what he said now as a standard marriage wasn't designed to be broken so that's what Jesus said he may declare that look from the beginning it was not so if you do it right you're supposed to work right but we are human beings so we take something that is perfect when human beings begin to handle it it's like the gift of Prophecy is a perfect gift but when when prophets start to handle if they are not really Sanctified or they are not in tune with God they can enter the seat everything God makes from his own end is perfect usually when it comes down to the hands of men that begins to be issues so God didn't design marriage for divorce God hates divorce I hate divorce even the divorced hate divorce people that have divorced they don't like it they know the problem in it so we hate the verse however there are cases where evil scripture supports that you can divorce so one of the cases in the case of abuse all right um I don't have all the scriptures here but somewhere in Deuteronomy they mentioned how that in fact the whole thing that started the the creation of divorce was abuse where a man will marry somebody will get tired of her keep her aside marry another person and he's not taking care of any of our needs he's not meeting our financial needs no meeting our sexual needs no meeting and those things as a woman women didn't work so if I was not missing out of your need you are really in trouble so God is that divorce Not For The Wicked Man it's ready for the woman being abused saying look if you know you're going to take you're not going to take out this man release her to go and do something with her life that's how divorce came about it wasn't for the man to marry 13 people is that okay you have your advantage in this woman let's free her to go and do something with our life so that's how they started divorce destruction 22. so um in the case of abuse divorce allowed in the case of Abandonment divorce is allowed so you hear things like if your believing wants to depart let in depart that's you have somebody behind their back disappear you've not seen it for three years they're already gone whether you say you are divorced or not they are so waiting therefore in the past you can hear free the third area is adultery because sex is a covenant sex is the joining of a man and woman when a man is a woman is cheating on his partner the partner has a right now all these things are that you have a right to divorce it doesn't mean you have to divorce I don't forget what I'm saying so if your husband and wife is abusing you it doesn't mean you have to divorce you might need to separate to make sure the situation is controlled if they have abandoned if you can wait you can wait if you want to if they are if they cheated on you it doesn't mean you have to divorce but it means you can actually divorce if that's what you want or you don't have to Jesus expects that you work in love you forgive you work for healing you find restoration that's what he expects however these three A's I mentioned abuse abandonment and adultery are scriptural grounds that God gave for divorce all right there are scriptural grounds it doesn't mean you have to take it but the the doors are scripturally open at those stages for people to divorce and the biggest question people ask is that if somebody's divorced can they remarry again the answer is yes in Matthew 19 Jesus answered the question they asked him can somebody divorce for any reason he said no not for any reason now would everyone want you to divorce at all but what he said was I was now quoting destromy 22. where they talked about divorce and remarriage okay the scripture just was quoting the verse was mentioned and remarried in fact the reason why they even started the divorce is so that that woman you are maltreating can go and remarry I don't even understand this is short it's a long story but I'm trying to keep it as short as I can thank you so much I don't know if Pastor maybe I will say something to that okay sir well I will just add this to that sir if you're talking to young guys now um wanted to marry a woman who I just had a divorce because now I said one thing one time in church it is very easy for which is the right thing to do anyway for preachers to say to women going through a domestic violence as please don't stay there and die there but then with someone with three kids who is going to marry them and we know the kind of society we are most fathers will not likely give their consent to the son coming home and saying that the wife I want to marry she has had three children for one person but there are women in the church who actually to the best of the ability they married well but it didn't turn out well now they have kids now they are on their own and then it looks like no man wants to marry them what can you say to that son all right um don't let the children you have and things like that affect you in our own church many single moms have married we've seen many single moms marry take care of yourself as a woman build your own finances because spending when a man comes you need to pay your bills in fact it's like Pastor said the reason why many women in abusive marriages can't live because they can't take care of themselves so I say like my book Seven questions everything I want to tell women I mentioned that every woman should make her own money in this world we live in you are very unprotected if you can make money so make your own money all right if you're a single mom whether it's three children or one child you have keep looking beautiful keep um having fun build your life be attractive be attractive but physically emotionally and mentally physically in terms of taking care of your body emotionally make sure you're forgiving whoever offended you don't walk about with the hatred of the past and you are insulting everybody because you say man has come don't join those group all right and also be attractive mentally develop yourself what's your purpose what's your passion see women of passion and purpose always look more attractive than women are just waiting to look for your husband all right so pursue your dreams pursue your goals there's something that we glow about you when you have found where you are going in in in life and also be attractive spiritually to build yourself I've seen people marry at even 60 at 70. so keep building yourself take care of yourself you know and learn from your mistakes of the past you'll be fine anything on this one any question anything okay so thank you so much for asking for some reason um people who know me in church now I'm very old school I'm very old school when it comes to marriage and anything surrounding marriage I'm very old school I believe in submission I believe in respect for the manners ahead of the home I believe in honor and I tell I tell I tell ladies you can't marry somebody that you cannot submit to so I'm very very old school and it's something that we still talk about even a married counseling and that is just what it is and I was coincidental I was telling that actually yesterday when we had a ride and they were just talking generally and I was telling her that by the time I was going to say yes I was going to marry Pastor but I was not in love with him we were just talking yesterday evening and she loved you I saw that look on but one thing I was sure of I was sure of what God wanted me to do I was sure that God wanted I was being sent to help I was very clear on that and I was telling her that love grew As We join it into the wedding day and that I was upset about but one thing was short by the time I was going to stand in church to say yes I do yes I could absolutely say that I was in love I'm married God for the first time but then she said yes immediately yes yes interesting I was telling her I said yes I said yes because I each respect I was selling that yesterday that if I had gone home to think about it the answer would have been a no because all the fears all the thoughts all the why it wouldn't work we just come flooding him and then all the things that people were not plenty necess how you're going to marry somebody you didn't even have a passport and you're going to marry somebody who's this church is not even up to 20. uh you know all of those things were going to just start flooding it and so yes I did say yes in the media because I knew what God wanted me to do so it's not the same thing that I would say to you ladies even to men understand and know what God wants you to do and be sure of that so if you've not been hearing God before and then you think that God is speaking to you about a particular we only have three conversations to remember three conversations before you asked me to marry him free conversation so he wasn't like we've known for years and we're married nine months after so Tuesday is our wedding anniversary so it's just so don't remove the ancient landmark like Pastor Kinsley and Pastor media that said that Pastor has been teaching over and over and over again the old school wheel to me is still the best to me why not for by closing what one of the things I'm eternally grateful for for when I was University of ibadan until I got married I never had any taste or anything written down I never said to myself fair lady or dark lady tall or shortly I just didn't have any of those things I just said to myself that when I see a woman that loves God I will know and when I say a partner and the person that we know so maybe one of the things maybe God helps me in such a way that I just not have any preconceived no picture no fantasy no nothing no nothing now coming to Children also the same thing somebody asked Mom do you want to have a boy force a girl boy but I said anyone girl girl I have a girl and a boy God just made it so but I never really said Lord a boy a girl a girl a boy and somebody told me recently of the family disturbing her that now you are pregnant again it's going to be a girl now he said what bothers me I've heard that many times and the one that grips me Moses when if the man is one telling the wife that I want a boy this time around are you not the one putting the stuff inside you know it's amazing yes that the woman is just to help you yes get back to what you they see this from you so if you want a boy and all you're having is a girl you are the problem the problem whether you are blaming the woman and you are joining the family to say that we want a girl we want a boy it's it's funny but thank God yes and I also I want to add that did you did you guys notice what we're saying today how it played out in their meeting because there were not too many things if she had a speck and the spec was too serious I hate to her respect you see this will probably not be married that's what that's what delaying young people somebody's coming to say but he's not my spec is is affecting you emotionally you don't know it you say I'm not feeling this guy because your mind is full of one social media boy you're in love with you need to divorce that one and marry everyone you are seeing your front oh thank you so much sir thank you what a beautiful night let's let pastor and Pastor Mrs go thank you thank you sir thank you Avi had a wonderful time tonight let's say big

Channel: LDM WITH PK

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Keywords: Pastomildred, kingsley okonkwo, pastor k, ldmwithpk, love, dating, marriage

Id: LuGJmAzleI8

Length: 51min 6sec (3066 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 04 2022