Craig Ferguson Rants + More

hemlock all right this is from Ryan and Frisco in Texas you ever been in Frisco trip Frisco Texas that's it I think the people in Frisco they just call it f they don't have time to say risk oh that's exhausting this yeah who's got time for that in this modern iPhone world I'm just winded thinking about it yeah yeah oh that's the end of the show we've sign up you never did the jingle but oh I know what I'm doing could you wait after the show to correct me you corrected me during the show do you believe that's the hill man I know what the hell man it's for trying to create Socratic dialogue here and we are you interrupting with your budget about jingles and for some reason I seem to have developed to some kind of foghorn leghorn kind of a talk I'll say ah I say uh your chicken Hawks on or ticket I say look at me look at me when I'm talking to you son are you having a spasm Desa I'm sorry some kind of cartoon spasm a cartoon spasm yeah I'm having a risk oh that's what they're called ISM rinin risk Oh Frisco in Texas your butt now I love you shirt no yeah well that's from him did you just all piece of paper but to be honest I don't even think they arrives on a piece of paper then why do we have pieces of paper anyway it's made of emails and tweets and you put them on a pieces of paper like they arrived by owl and then you pick up a little video you never did the jingle well maybe I didn't wanna do the jamgön lately maybe I'm trying to mix it up a little bit Jeff did you remember the jingle no I didn't care to remember Jeff we're a team we didn't want to do the jingle you know why techno Holly does we we don't give up all but the jingle right [Applause] I mean you're trying you're trying your best every day you bring the guys in from the audience you hand review people you're like a movie all that says [ __ ] you did go dad we have to list this um I gotta I gotta tell me that I didn't do the jingle like anybody ever watch the show father Jango who cares about the damn Jew exactly oh are you gonna stay up late tonight see what the jingle is now I don't have any time left for the emails you see you see what he's doing Jimmy's thought you've ruined you've ruined the show you've read the show I say look at me while I'm talking to you son but we don't have any time we'll have to do these tomorrow night well then let's do the friggin jingle yeah alright sure the jingle this is room at Dillon in Dallas Texas oh there you can tell but Dillon's a feather in a little tent you like the you know like the small family tents there Jeff fan of the smoked feather I like a small feathery tip I like in the time of year the small fan that we touched they came out they flutter around bate make the little nests and enjoy a pecking it stuff says dear Greg and Jeff I took my nine-year-old son to an r-rated action movie over the weekend to know my wife is furious what did I do wrong you took your here's what the are is far oh it's Rin appropriate for kids that's why it's an R right absolutely absolutely you were wrong because you were wrong and now Ross X for you yeah you idiot he didn't say Oh could you be so unreasonable yes doing your baby up you remind me of that figure in the dark on honey Mandel show that Deal or No Deal you cranky dinga sanctimonious bastard no yeah no yeah what gives you the right Dylan Americans not here cuss words you Girl with the Dragon Tattoo [Applause] who do you work for shadowy figure is it the CIA's and the aliens oh I'm only saying that this load because I think he fell asleep as well this is from Ryan in Chicago Illinois I don't know if you can tell from the suspension it looks like an eagle but actually Ryan is also feathery yeah that's right that's bear I feel like I woke up there very excited for you yeah you know my outrage at that shadowy figure over there sitting in judgment of our awesome cussing abilities from energized know I've got a cause hey I know you were quite excited because they Ringo was here and you've never met a Beatle before how do you feel oh I feel great yeah yeah it's very impressive you know he you seem to like it well we hang out quite a bit actually really yeah I didn't want to upset you that's odd because you often do want to upset me so what made you stop but you loved upset me you let for upset me I mean you're a complete douchebag to me all the time why don't you tell me how you really feel I want to but I don't want to upset you oh wait yes I do want to upset you you you [ __ ] fruits tootsie fruitsie tell me you're hanging out with Ringo Starr I feel like such a douche I was like aw have you met Jeff and he's like oh no balls or deserter and you knew the whole time indeed your buzzword involved in this Sharad to make me look like a fool it's quite a few people I hang out with as a matter of fact that's right with Angela Lance how did you know yes I do is she nice oh she's nice no way yeah I solved a couple of mysteries with that one what do you mean by that she said has there been a murder in my pants I think we all learned something tonight this is from em in Brooklyn New York either if you can tell from she's some kind of self pleasuring I will do the hill which is not easy with wings right jab know who it's not how would you never mind em from Brooklyn says Craig since no one uses your second-guess chair can I sit there and stare at the angry lady who watches your show the angry lady who watches the show is is Beth from the network yeah what the hell she's from CBS good they try Jeff very good no you can't send people always say that Oh mind you have two chairs rent you have two chairs because there was a no one sitting in that chair you don't walk into someone's house and go oh no would sit in that chair why do you have it it's there it's the chairs a piece of bread it's part of my thing oh look look at your curtains there's not even a window buying them shut up shut up you I can shut up with your stupid things you see but look it's up there a desk Weiser a desk here I don't have a proper job I don't do anything it's not even a real test look at her it's a fake desk it doesn't have computer wiring underneath it look at this look at this Oh Craig why are you gonna foon this boat isn't connected to anything I know a better reason is that [Music] yeah yeah man who when you have to cheers when you have to change shut up Oh what chairs in the back of your car when you're only sitting in the front driving why do you have those chairs in the back right you like why do you have a show it's not even on the air five super robots gallons and he's not even a skeleton or robots just the guy inside a very thin costume what the hell anyway Nick in Anchorage says dear Krieger Jeff why does Jeff have a mohawk and why is it made of metal you see this is just the same crap no one's ever mark why doesn't he have some other form of hair dressing made of metal why is it made of metal he's our robot that twice made of menthol hair doesn't grow on metal does it sometimes it does sometimes it does why do you have a metal mohawk then Jeff I'm not answering that question man why you get so upset because it's the say you're asking the same question as the guy that wrote in it it's ridiculous fine this is from Raymond I don't know if you can tell from the picture but Raymond's art it Oh see there you take what's that thing on the front of his face there yeah it looks like a picker a little pecker there yeah and what's that oh that's wood we're worried okay you're welcome ten-year-olds anyway now that this is over everyone's back to playing politics you see what Obama's press secretary said this morning and take a look at this yeah I think he I think he probably just thought it with that feed this is why we can't have anything nice you trying to show a club we tried to show a club like people like The Daily Show what a me every once in a while Regina oh you play in the club but not it's how you play the clip over betoken oh what a great idea that would be juiciness you see what I'm dealing with maybe maybe you should reread it in an Indian accent that's a great and I will read it in an Indian accent the present that's very pleased that the two sides have come together it is a great day for America [Applause] shows worse than usual tonight island we've hardly started noting cussing and things aren't working I'm heavily dosed on a cold medication right now service service [Applause] [Laughter] but the audience start going oh no maybe they'll try to tell you something good and here's what I have to say I don't care I'll carry you me mummy you're not the buzz of me this phone rang yeah hello I'm Jerry Jerry from rusev oh happy day the lighting has been returned to its normal crappy last night if you were watching the show first of all I'm sorry but last night the the light and went oh and and we had to do the show but we had special emergency lights and we use Jeff's eyes and that's all we had and and so I'm on the Tweety today I'm on the you know the Tweety and I'm checking my stream on my Tweety and I'm does like there's a bunch of people most people were very kind I have to say but there's a bunch of people like yeah well if the lights work um the cameras are working and the robot works and I'm like I don't work I would have fixed there because people are like oh you're just doing that for comedy like are you mad are you mad why on earth would I do that because it wasn't the first thing moves up I suppose I punched the hole in the ceiling whatever I refrained as well he wasn't these are the same people are there on my Tweety seemed to say Oh Craig you're dyeing your hair I don't die here's what happened sometimes sometimes Einstein when you put gel in your hair and look shinier and darker gurgler what's not coming I go [Applause] one must always remain charming [Laughter] I don't dye my hair I haven't had a facelift I didn't put a hole in the ceiling and I didn't pretend that the electricity wasn't working all of these things are the way they are because they are that way sometimes I dye my pubes this is from Janis in Montgomery Alabama please do you Pig and Jeff thank you my sister and I are fighting I see you never see the tweets until you're reading them for us on the show is that true yeah of course it's true what you think I'd come into this IV the same dope before I that is a slang word there's no slightly better got slang right while we're on the subject here we go I wanted let's get this straight once and for all Internet douchebags we don't read the tweets before the show mean hem don't rehearse I don't care what he thinks and I don't color my black there [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah yeah my Greg how come your hair looks different color it some nights from one night to the next day I'll tell you why Internet person because the lighting in here is so crap it is in fact in consistence and God since then right jab that's right in addition yeah it's a great day for America everybody not such a great day for us here in the glamorous land of show business [Laughter] now you probably can't tell by looking at the window but it's raining here in Los Angeles and guess what even although I have the best studio in television it's leaking have you no shame CBS have you no shame this is a Regis look here's a clue I'm originally from Scotland and I came to live in California can you guys why don't you guys why maybe for magic week I can have a rabbit come out of the plastic bucket gentleman so great they don't even get a show business bucket Witek look it's just a plastic bucket from the paint store it's not even like they could put some paper on it wrap it up some tinsel or something glitter do we have a really crappy bucket I bet you wouldn't and the prices rates to do when they have a leak they have our fantastic bucket they'll have a great bang they'll have a bucket brought in from Egypt or something now there's me you may think well this is the biggest news story today clearly this roof falling and it's not it's not the biggest news story today is not Obama fixing the economy nor as the roof coming in here not the bank's all gonna the biggest story today is there's a giant snake in Columbia it is true the sampling do we have the headliner your old fossil of a giant snake yeah it's a it's not real snake this is that fossil of a snake not a real studio it's just a fossil of a studio there's one thing snakes like it's dry weather no bank said to me any point do you want to not do the show nobody said Oh Craig we've got a dangerous leak in the studio do you know how much electrical equipment is in here fire marshal that guy in the uniform I could tell he was not a real fire marshal he's got iceless chaps on [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I'm not saying he's not adorable I'm just saying he's got a proper fire marshal this is look I can I could be I could be killed and there's a studio audience here no no no that's all right you're expendable but I really was gonna talk about thanks I don't have time now I've complained too much about the hole and the roof of the television studio you know as the big leak night shake ups you know when Conan goes to 11:30 for Jay and Jay is going at Anna clogged and everybody gets moved around and all that could we have a roof fix it's like Jay Leno is a fly

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Views: 281,661

Rating: 4.9233451 out of 5

Keywords: クレイグと女の子の女性, クレイグ・ファーガソン, ロボットをゲオフ, craig ferguson, craig ferguson and the ladies, flirting masterclass, funny late night, best talkshow, funny talkshow, talkshow compilation, talkshow moments, flirt talkshow, geoff the robot, the jayleno fly, funny moments, super happy fun time hour with robot and old man, craig ferguson rant, craig ferguson angry, craig ferguson funny outrage, craig ferguson geoff fight

Id: btw8AyShQCo

Length: 21min 25sec (1285 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 17 2018