"Couch Guy" TikTok Video Analysis | Gaslighting or Projection?

hello this is dr grande today's question is can i analyze the case of the couch guy just a reminder i'm not diagnosed anybody in this video only speculating about what could be happening in a situation like this if you enjoyed this video please like it subscribe to my channel and consider supporting me on patreon i will put the link to patreon in the description for this video so first i'll look at the background in this case then offer my analysis on september 25 2021 a tick tock user named lauren zaras posted a short video of her surprising her long distance boyfriend in the video twenty-year-old lauren can be seen walking into an apartment or dorm room and surprising her boyfriend robbie who is sitting on the couch with three women robbie appears to be surprised he stands up and the pair hug that's pretty much the entire video she walks in he's surprised they hug at the time making this video the couch guy video has been viewed over 56 million times and has become a popular meme on social media the high interest in this video seems to stem from the idea that a lot can be read into the behavior of robbie the boyfriend or the couch guy as he's now known i guess here's some of the many theories and suggestions from people who have watched the video so here's what people are saying about what they see in the video robbie's mannerisms indicate that he wasn't really too happy to see lauren he just didn't seem excited or enthusiastic there are red flags in his behavior perhaps he may have been cheating or just not into the relationship that much lauren is naive to believe that robbie really likes her she's being tricked robbie's playing her she may be happy now but someday she'll find out the truth some have suggested that he was doing something unusual with his phone like the phone was being passed from the woman next to him there's also this whole discussion about surprises in general like are they a good idea that pretty much sums up the reaction of many people i think the idea is that the short interaction feature in the video connects with a lot of experiences that people have had they've been in relationships where one person wasn't that invested so they are able to see that more clearly in other relationships like they are aware of what the warning signs would be because of their own experiences so they're trying to help other people like lauren and robbie by pointing out what they have observed people wish they could have seen the warning signs instead of being surprised and they're trying to prevent the same thing from happening to lauren lauren has responded that this was her special moment and people are trying to bring negativity to it she asks tick-tock users to think before making assumptions about her relationship the couch guy himself has also responded suggesting that people commenting on the video are parasocial creeps and recommends they get some fresh air lauren did a brief interview with a woman who operates a youtube channel and tried to offer some context about the relationship and the situation she indicated that she has been in a relationship with robbie for over a year all the friends featured in the video knew she would be coming including the three women on the couch five minutes before she arrived robbie was in his room a friend of his had to convince him to come out and sit on the couch like the friends were trying to position robbie so that this surprise moment could occur lauren also said that there was no phone pass which seems fairly clear from the video now moving to my analysis there are few items i want to talk about here first item i'm disappointed by the naming convention that we see with these viral tick tock videos couch guy is the best people could come up with what about surprise guy or less than excited guy was the couch really that important in this scenario using that same naming convention i guess it's a good thing he wasn't sitting on a stool second item my analysis of this video would be that there is a woman surprising her boyfriend on a couch that's it that's the entire analysis that i have for that short video it really seemed like that's what happened i don't think there's a lot of subtext to work with here like i don't think there are secret signals that can be detected and can paint a whole other picture i didn't see anything particularly unusual in robbie's reaction if he was more enthusiastic people would say that his over-the-top reaction is hiding some type of ill intent if he was less enthusiastic they would say he has not invested in the relationship there's no way to win as far as a reaction to a surprise people see what they want to see or what they're afraid to say in my opinion his reaction was within normal limits even if someone could effectively argue that it was not within normal limits that doesn't mean that there's this whole nefarious plot going on in the background it could just be that he was distracted or having a bad day third item the amount of energy that people put into analyzing this video is unbelievable but what surprises me even more is how confident everyone is in their conclusions in looking at the various comments and other response videos many people are absolutely positive that the relationship between these two is doomed lauren is being fooled robbie really doesn't love her he's manipulating her he's trying to gaslight tick-tock users people are weaving an incredibly detailed narrative based on a video that was just a few seconds long if the video was like a minute long people would be writing full-length novels about it i think this really speaks to not only the decline of critical thinking skills but to how much emotions influence how people conduct an analysis and what conclusions they come to i think the strong reaction to this video speaks to how many people have been involved in destructive relationships and how painful that has been for them even though there is no evidence that the relationship between lauren and robby is destructive that's what people see they see their own fears and experiences in this relatively neutral video in a sense the video is like a projective test for example the notorious rorschach test this test features ink plots that people look at and then describe what they see the ink plots were deliberately designed to be neutral they are not supposed to elicit a response if somebody sees a dragon for example that's not because it looks like a dragon that's because a dragon has some type of deeper symbolism to them some type of meaning in their life the idea is that all these different feelings and beliefs from the unconscious mind will come out in the person's description of the ink blot the person will project them onto the image give the inkblot meaning that it does not possess they see an object that's tied to a strong emotion something that's important in their life specifically in their belief system and their attitudes that's what's happening with this couch guy video this guy is acting surprised he seems normal but people are projecting their own insecurities fears and bad relational experiences onto him this isn't gaslighting as robbie has suggested in one of his comments that's the wrong term entirely this is projection i think what this video reveals is that for millions of people around the world there is hurt that resides just below the surface there is a pain just waiting to be activated and just about any stimulus that's even marginally related to that pain will cause it to erupt the pain is so bad that people work to help others avoid it which is noble but the effort is misplaced if they have inaccurately appraised a situation i think that's what's happened here people saw something that wasn't there now in the end long-distance relationships are challenging and most will result in dissolution so if lauren and robbie break up someday people will say look i was right i accurately interpret all these subtle indicators in his behavior this couple breaking up someday is the probabilistic outcome given their ages and the long distance relationship component it has nothing to do with a reaction from the guy on the couch moving to the fourth item i mentioned before how this is a case of projection and not gas lighting the term gaslighting has been used in an astounding proportion of the comments related to the catch guy video many people have said that robbie is gaslighting lauren and the tick-tock users robbie suggested that the tick tock users are gaslighting him everybody is gaslighting everyone else in reality people are using the term incorrectly gaslighting presupposes a relationship so the only possible application of the term would be between lauren and robbie not between robbie and the users on tick tock here's a quick description of gaslighting using the example of a man and a woman in a romantic relationship the man is mistreating the woman like he's being insensitive manipulative domineering something like that when she tries to protect herself or hold him accountable he tells her that she is the problem she is the one who is hurting him he is actually the victim robbie is not saying anything about lauren he's not saying that she's the real problem there is no admission of a problem to start with this is not gaslighting by definition gaslighting like other terms related to mental health and relationships is often misused and misunderstood just like the term narcissism mania depression psychotic and obsessive-compulsive people use the words because they are catchy and dramatic but they are not using them correctly i think it can be useful for people to talk about their pain and suffering which is actually what's happening here again this is projection but that conversation will be more effective if proper terminology is employed it always worries me when people forget that words mean things and that accuracy and communication has a purpose and a benefit my final thoughts in this case even though i think the critical tick-tock users in the story are projecting that doesn't mean they are malicious rather their behavior is driven by powerful emotional forces those who invest in the psychodynamic theory would argue that they are driven by unconscious forces on the surface this case is about a young man on a couch who allegedly has an unenthusiastic reaction to a surprise which reveals his true intent in reality this case is about a group of vigorous tick-tock users who through their enthusiastic reaction has revealed the depth of their pain and fear those my thoughts in the case of the couch guy please put any opinions and thoughts in the comment section they always generate an interesting dialogue as always i hope you found my analysis as interesting as a guy sitting on a couch thanks for watching

Channel: Dr. Todd Grande

Views: 85,900

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Id: f1rcGejCB9s

Length: 11min 38sec (698 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 06 2021