♪♪ -Hey. [ Laughter ] I was told I shouldn't say
something slays. I should say
that something slaps. But ideally, I shouldn't say either. I should say something
is nice, I liked it. A lot of complaints that I only
corrected one thing last week, about lead in the pencils. Someone accused us
of false advertising, when clearly this
is a case of no advertising. I think, you know, yeah,
it started as "Corrections," but we've evolved
and we've kept the name. You know, it's like how
"Meet the Press" was called that 'cause the press had never met
any of the politicians, and they've all met now. But they haven't
changed the name to "Oh, You Again?" [ Laughter ] We showed a shot of
Rudy Giuliani's empty brain. Called it an X-ray. That would have been a CT scan. Because an X-ray
wouldn't get through the skull. They kind of famously
see bones. [ Laughter ] Easy way to remember --
CT scans are for brains, X-rays are for bones, triple-X-rays are for boners. -♪ Shot down in a ♪ -Baze.
-♪ Of glory ♪ [ Laughter ] -And I didn't get it
at first, but... it was clever, bud. [ Laughter ] [ Clears throat ] Somebody sent an ice tray
that made little, um... Someone wrote in and said
last week, um... I spoiled the end
of "American Beauty." I didn't spoil the end
of "American Beauty." I spoiled the end of
"The Usual Suspects." If anybody spoiled the end
of "American Beauty," it was Chris Cooper
when he shot Kevin Spacey. [ Laughter ] Remember, we thought he was
the bad guy then, but now... That movie's got a real
"Usual Suspects" ending now. In "Ya Burnt," we had a picture of a bedbug wearing
a bowling shirt, and a bunch of you said the
bedbug was wearing it backwards. True, but they're so hard
to get on in the first place. There was a joke about people
who believe in astrology in "Ya Burnt." And it was a joke that, like,
"Hey, ladies, if he was born on November 20th,
they're the love of your life. He's born on November 21st,
he's going to cheat on you." And a bunch of you pointed out that those were
bad dates to pick 'cause both of those days
are Scorpios. But if we'd done November 21st
and November 22nd, that would have been
a better way to do it, because one of those
was a Scorpio and one of those
is a Sagittarius. Um, the Burn Boys... There's three of them.
They work on this. All born -- they share
the same birthday. Triplets. I know this 'cause Shoemaker
went to the orphanage and just wanted one of them,
and they were like... [ Laughter ] I don't know which one
of the three he wanted. Ben. So, we got all three of them
born on the same day. And their star sign
is Slothicus. Based on a constellation. The qualities of the
astrological sign Slothicus -- Inattention to detail. Disinterest in checking
their work. [ Laughter ] Favorite food of a Slothicus... [ Laughter ] Baby Ruth, or as they say, B-- I'm not gonna do it. [ Laughter ] Alright, where are we? Last Thursday,
we showed a parrot. It was actually a picture
of a scarlet macaw. Which means it's time for "Animal Flubs: Parrot Edition." -♪ Animal flubs, animal flubs ♪ ♪ Time to take a look
at some animal flubs ♪ ♪ Animal flubs, animal flubs ♪ ♪ Time to take a look
at some animal flubs ♪ ♪ Animal flubs, animal flubs ♪ ♪ Time to take a look
at some animal flubs ♪ [ Faster ]
♪ Animal flubs, animal flubs ♪ ♪ Time to take a look
at some animal flubs ♪ ♪ Animal flubs, animal flubs ♪ ♪ Time to take a look
at some animal flubs ♪ ♪ Animal flubs, animal flubs ♪ ♪ Time to take a look
at some animal flubs ♪ [ Song speeds up
to incoherence ] [ Explosion ] -Parrot means to repeat. Brawwwk! Get it? [ Laughter ] -[ Sighs ] Everybody is now
getting sensitive with me because I have become
sensitive with them criticizing the podcast plug. And someone said,
"The reason why people" --
he's speaking for everyone. "The reason why people
are put off by your podcast announcement
at the end of each show is because it takes
the place of the charity you used to promote
during COVID. Try bringing back the charity
and promoting your podcast." Okay. Hey, everyone, are you familiar with Big Brothers
and Big Sisters of America? I am, 'cause I'm a big brother and I do a podcast
with my little brother. [ Laughter ] Give it a listen,
and then if you want to donate to Big Brothers and Big Sisters, I'm sure you could google it. [ Laughter ] And they'll have a link
to donate. Did a whole "Closer Look" about
how Fox News is saying Joe Biden must have been
on something and how -- they kept -- Sean Hannity kept
calling him "Jacked-Up Joe." Jacked-Up Joe, Jack--
And the thing is, I don't watch the clips
before "A Closer Look" anymore. I used to... but I just stopped. [ Laughter ] And then sometimes
I'll just see a clip, but it's too late
to make a joke about it because I haven't
watched it in advance. Which brings us to a new segment
called "Missed Opportunities." ♪♪ So, we showed a clip
of Jesse Watters complaining about Joe Biden, also sort of inferring
that he thought he was on drugs. And I will say,
when I said "inferring," my butthole clenched, not knowing
if that's the right word. [ Laughter ] Anyway, it had followed this long montage
of Sean Hannity saying Jacked-Up Joe. And then in the clip,
I noticed, too late to say anything
about it, that Jesse Watters
did something. So, this was
the missed opportunity. Let's see the clip and then I'll
tell you what I would have said. -All of a sudden,
this guy is like... -More like "Jacked Off"! [ Laughter ] This has been
"Missed Opportunities." ♪♪ We did a bit about Rupert Murdoch announcing
next year's Oscars, the winner. And I had him announce "Oppenheimer,"
and a bunch of you said, "Well, he wouldn't announce
'Oppenheimer' next year because 'Oppenheimer'
won this year." But I bet Rupert Murdoch
wouldn't care about your rules. He'd be like, "Ah, that was
nothing better this year! To be the king,
you got to beat the king! It's 'Oppenheimer' for me! I don't care about
your [bleep] rules!" [ Laughter ] -That's not a slice
of Pizza Hut. I joked that I had a two-hour
"Lost" explainer online about the ending of "Lost,"
and one of you wrote in, "You should call it
'A Closer Locke.'" That was sent in
by an Alex from Arizona. Oh! -♪ Shot down in a ♪ -Baze.
-♪ Of glory ♪ [ Laughter ] -Bunch of you said, "Hey,
if Zoe and Michael got married, why weren't you at the wedding?
Were you not invited?" I unfortunately had
another wedding to attend to. Every week, my wife
and I renew our own vows. [ Laughter ] They're pretty short now. One could even say terse. It ends with one of us going, "I do,"
and the other one's like, "Well, congratulations,
I do too." I said we're going to play
the sea captain lines last week all at once. And then what we did,
I was told, was not all at once. It was sequentially. So, here you go. Here's the sea captain
lines all at once. [ Gravelly voice
speaking indistinctly ] Your way was better. Someone last week said, "Your
wig looks bad in the back." [ Laughter ] This is not a wig. I'll prove it. [ Laughter ] Come on. Would I have been able
to pull it that hard? [ Vocalizing ]
Um... I said "a PPE loan." I should have said PPP. PPP is Payment
Protection Program. PPE is personal
protective equipment. And OPP is other people's -- [ Cat meows ] [ Laughter ] Looks like everyone here
was just... -♪ Shot down in a ♪ -Baze.
-♪ Of glory ♪ -He's never sent in this many. [ Laughter ] Hey, you know, we're coming up
next week to 100, obviously. We're trying very hard to get all the other ones,
the old ones, up. Some have been down, and
we're only now 40, 43 and 54. We're working on
getting those back up. That's sort of exciting news. Hey, somebody wrote in,
"My daughter Kayleigh loves your 'Best Case, Worst Case,
and One With Bees' and always asks
for the bees. She can quote much of it
from memory. The only thing she loves more is jewels. Don't know how to tell you -- your daughter Kayleigh
is a Jermaine head. [ Laughter ] She's a Jermaine head.
She loves -- She loves the Jermaine stuff. Had a sketch called "Celebrity
Baby Teeth" by Jermaine we decided not to do, but... think Kayleigh
would have loved it. [ Laughter ] Somebody sent in this. It's a Lego Wally. And, uh... Wally, if you want it, it's, uh, not gonna be cheap. Kenny's already made me
a pretty solid offer. [ Laughter ] Said he wants to
"do stuff with it." [ Laughter ] Someone --
Speaking of Lego... Someone made a -- sent in a photo of
"Jokes Seth Can't Tell," I guess that they made. Someone -- The person
who made it, Jen, wrote, "Now that I printed out
the photo, I realize the pencil in the mug
looks like something else." [ Laughter ] Well, I would only say,
if it looks like what you think it looks like... shouldn't have put it
that close to Jenny. [ Laughter ] Just mentioned a couple of
Lego stories. Crossword. [ Clears throat ] 52 down. "Tiny building blocks." The answer -- five letters. You know what that means? The answer is Legos. You [bleep] up. Whoever made this [bleep] up, and now they're in for it. I mean, we've heard firsthand -- We've seen firsthand how awful the Lego community can be. Whoever did this [bleep] up. Now, I'm not saying whoever
edited this should be scared, but when the Lego people
show up at your house, you will crap your shorts. -Baze. [ Laughter ] [ Sighs ] That's, uh...99! You know what that
reminds me of? Our friend Andy Samberg.
"Brooklyn Nine-Nine." Let's see if he's around. [ Line ringing ] [ Ringing continues ] Feels like it should have
stopped by now. [ Ringing continues ] Like, what kind of psychopath
lets it ring this long? We got a hiatus,
and then we come back, and then we have our hundredth
one of these, which is, uh... What a trip.
What a journey it's been. So, that's going to be
a little bit of a break. Thanks for watching,
and see me in two weeks.
