I would like to talk to you
about business. The thing that everyone
on<i> Shark Tank</i> <i> thinks they have
a great idea for,</i> <i> even this guy.</i> Our cakes...
are made of foam, and they're rentals. -Wait!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) So, I can neither have my cake,
nor eat it too? I am in,
here is a million dollars. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Small start-up businesses
like that hold a special place
in America's heart and politicians from across
the political spectrum love to talk
about how important they are. Small business is the backbone
of the American economy. Small businesses
are the backbone of this nation's economy. BOTH: Small businesses are
the backbone of our economy. BOTH: Small businesses are
the backbone-- ALL: Small businesses are
the backbone of our economy. ALL: Small businesses are
the backbone of our economy. ALL: Small businesses are
the backbone of our economy. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-It's true. "Small businesses are
the backbone of our economy" is that rare thing that
every politician agrees on. It's that,
support the troops, -Ted Cruz can go fuck himself...
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) ...and South Dakota senator
John Thune can get it, -he can get it!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Now, look, it can feel like
we're in a golden age of small business start-ups, but
that isn't actually the case. The rate at which new businesses
are been created has actually being
steadily falling since the 1970s.
And I would argue that one of the reasons for that,
is that big businesses, have been getting even bigger, which brings us
to our main topic tonight, "Corporate Consolidation." Recent years, have seen record highs
for mergers and acquisitions. As you would know,
if you've ever watched the thrilled reactions they get
on business news. M&A has been hot,
continues to be hot. An exciting year for M&A. A few blockbuster deals
being announced. They call it "Merger Monday,"
on Wall Street. It is shaping up to be another
"Merger Monday." They don't call it
"Merger Monday" for nothing. -Media mega "Merger Monday."
-"Merger Monday." M-- M-- M... "Merger Monday"? -At last we have one, I say...<i>
-♪ Hallelujah ♪</i> Okay, that was obviously
a little nauseating, but also, pressing a button on TV
is a little bit dangerous because someone could take
that footage and then loop any sound
that they want under there. Now, obviously I'm not immature
enough to do that but if I were
it would look like this. "Merger Monday"? At last we have one,
and I say... (FART NOISE) -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
-(BLOWS) The point is-- This point is, all this
merger activity has all made some sectors
of our economy ridiculously consolidated. NEWSCASTER:<i> The United States
has gone from having</i> <i>ten large airlines back in 2000
to just four today.</i> <i> And those four mega airlines
now dominate</i> <i> more than 80 percent
of the U.S. market.</i> Yeah, we down to just four
major airline choices, and no that does not include
jetBlue because that is not actually an airline. It's just a very expensive way
to eat those weird blue chips... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-...which are, and this is true -just sliced Grover arms.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Look, and airlines here are
just the beginning. The rental car business is now 90 percent dominated
by just three companies. The U.S. beer industry
is 70 percent controlled
by just two companies, and online search engines are
of course as we all know dominated by one major player.
That's right say it with me, -Bing.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) That's right. Bing, the best way
to Google something. In fact, look,
full disclosure here. Even our own parent company,
Time Warner is currently trying to merge
with AT&T, which makes this story
a little dangerous for us to do. Although you know,
that is presuming that AT&T executives manage
to get there shitty service working long enough to see it. -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-AT&T, it's the top
telecom company around alphabetically and nothing else. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-Look, even some brands, that you might think
of as indie now have multinational owners.
Burt's Bees? It's-- it's not run
by a backward bee fucker -called Burt.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) It's run by Clorox. Tom's of Maine,
the deodorant which did so little to deodorize
your freshmen year roommate. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) That's not owned
by Colgate-Palmolive. And then there was Goose Island. Now, their ads feature
beardy brewers rubbing <i> -hops on their faces.</i>
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) But what they don't mention is that Goose Island
is owned by Anheuser-Busch, and that farm that you just saw is located at
822 Budweiser Loop. It's presumably just passed
Bud Light lime-a-rita boulevard. Basically, if you see the mass
grave of Clydesdale horses, turn left and you're there. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-And it says something about the rapid rate of mergers
that even Jim Cramer, occasionally
finds himself in disbelief at one happening. Watch him react to a mega merger
in the aluminum can industry. Ball Corp's acquisition of Rexam is taking the number
of competitors in this space down to,
get this, -from three to two.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) How did they let that happen? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Yeah. It's not great when
a business casual Louis C.K. with a sound effects board is saying, "Holy shit
this was a really bad idea." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-But, but
"how did they let that happen?" Is actually
a really good question. And the answer is interesting,
because we've had anti-trust laws on the books
for more than a century. And I'm not saying that
every single merger is bad. Sometimes businesses
getting bigger can lead to greater efficiencies
and improvements. The tension is between
allowing that and preventing them
from doing real harm. So it's a-- it's a balance. But since the late 1970s,
that balance has tipped decidedly in favor
of being merger friendly, which has led
to real problems. And let's start
with the obvious, for workers, mergers can
often mean big layoffs, but it's not just employees
that can suffer, consumers can too,
as Jim Cramer explained, in that aluminum can segment in an inexplicably
sarcastic tone of voice. I always say competition,
while great for you, a consumer, is it enough amount of profits. Sometimes a business would be
a total monopoly with no competition whatsoever,
and while that's the ideal, it's very rare to see
a genuine monopoly, -because of course,
it's against the law.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Which brings us to the next
best thing, an oligopoly, where a handful of companies
control an entire industry, co-existing peacefully without much in the way
of price competition. -That's a weird tone to use...
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) ...to describe something
that's clearly awful. It's rare to see genuine
bestiality because of course
it's against the law. Which brings us to the next
best thing, having sex
with the stuffed animal while looking at pictures
of a real horse. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) And-- And for sense of what
it can look like when a handful of companies
co-exist peacefully without much in the way
of price competition, just look at airlines. In 2012, one airline executive
told an industry conference, Consolidation has allowed us
to do things like ancillary revenues,
which is jargon for all those fees
that drive you fucking crazy! Now, American was the first
major airline to charge you for your
first checked bag back in 2008, and back then people
could not believe it. NEWSCASTER:<i> American Airlines
will soon charge $15</i> <i> for the first checked bag.</i> <i> That on top of a fee
of $25</i> <i> -for your second one.</i>
-Fifteen dollars? Holy cow. I'll have to put
my underwear in my pocket. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Yes! First, that is clearly
a delightful man. Although, it does makes you
wonder whether he fills his bags full of underwear
and nothing else. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-But-- But within months, most major airlines had followed
American's lead and it was essentially
industry standard. And it is easy
for that to happen when there's only a handful
of big players. In fact since then they have
added and increased bag fees multiple times,
often moving in tandem, which is how those fees have
gone generating around 540 million dollars a year
a decade ago, to 4.2 billion dollars now. And that is infuriating.
After all, if I wanted exorbitant fees that keep getting raised all
the time despite shitty service, I'd become a customer of AT&T. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Yeah. -Fuck you AT&T!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Even if you take over
you'll never be my real dad! (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) And, look, you-- you may
well be angry with the service you get
from airlines but thanks to consolidation, they don't really need
to give a shit about what you think. And if you don't believe me? Remember that awful video that
went around earlier this year. NEWSCASTER:<i> The shocking images
of a passenger</i> <i> caught in a travel nightmare.</i> <i> A man visibly shaken
as he's yanked</i> <i>and then dragged of a United jet
by law enforcement.</i> <i> All after refusing
to give up his seat.</i> Yeah,
that's the most horrifying thing you can possibly see
on an airplane, unless your in-flight movie
is<i> The Boss Baby.</i> A movie that combines
the unbearable smugness of Alec Baldwin
with an unbearable smugness -of a baby.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Now, in the wake
of that incident, people said
it was a PR nightmare and there was talk on Twitter
of boycotting United. The problem is on certain routes
they're the only option. So, a boycott is gonna be
pretty hard to pull-off, and that is arguably why
their CEO was later able to open his
earnings call for that quarter, by describing a period in which,
I will remind you, a passenger had his teeth
knocked out on one of United's planes,
like this. OSCAR MUNOZ:<i> Welcome to
a terrific second quarter,
strong financial</i> <i> results and even uh,
more incredible</i> <i>operational results. And as you
think of our customers,</i> <i>I want to thanks them for their
continued loyalty and support.</i> <i> We continue to find new
and better ways to service them</i> <i> and make the more comfortable
on our airline.</i> -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-And you know what? Is it really any wonder that
their earnings stayed solid. United, is sometimes
the only way to get to where you are going. Which actually explains
their new slogan, "You wanna fuckin' roller blade
to Houston? Shut up and get in!" (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) And when and industry gets
too consolidated, any company trying to compete
with them or survive in their
supply chain, can get crushed. Now we all know about Amazon,
Walmart or Google, but there are less
obvious examples of this too. Take eye-wear. Now if you go
into a Lens Crafters, you'll see frames
by brands like um, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana, Burberry
and Ralph Lauren. All of which it turns out, are made by an Italian company
called Luxotica, which incidentally also owns
Lens Crafters and Sunglass Hut and Pearle Vision and runs
Target Optical, and Sears Optical. So, what can
happen when a smaller company goes up against them?
Well, just ask Oakley. BRETT ARENDS:<i>
Oakley was a big competitor</i> and they had a fight
with Luxotica and Luxotica basically said, we're dropping you
from our stores. -And--
-They refused -to sell their glasses...
-BRETT: Yeah. -...in their store?
-It was a dispute about pricing, and they dropped Oakley
from the stores. And Oakley's
stock price collapsed. There were some issues between
the two companies in the beginning
of the 2000s, but... both of them understood
that it was better to go along. We merged with Oakley in 2007. -You bought Oakley.
-So we're talking-- They tried to compete
and they lost and then you bought them. I understand your theory, but... they understood that life
was better together. -Whoa!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) That is the menacing tone
of a Bond villain, They understood that life was better together, Mr. Bond, no? That is the first time that I've ever felt sorry
for Oakley. The official sunglasses
of guys who un-ironically use
the term "finger blasting." And-- I think
it's a sponsorship deal. And-- And there is one
more victim of consolidation that you may not think about, and that
is the products themselves. Because
heavily consolidated industries can lose the incentive
to innovate and the best example of this
may be the cable box beneath your TV.
If you have one of those, you probably hate it. Because it's huge, it's glitchy, and it's may be one
of the largest energy consuming items in your house even when it's turned off.
But if you think about it, cable companies have no real
incentive to improve them. They're essentially regional--
regional monopolies. And again, they know that you basically
have no where else to go. And you can't even smash your
cable box out of frustration, because you're renting it
and they'll then charge you hundreds of dollars
if you don't give it back. Which is why
we went through the trouble of blowing this one up for you.
Please take a look. There you go. Pretty cathartic to watch,
right? -I hope that helps.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Feel free to watch it again
in slow motion. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING) I want you to know
that box suffered. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-The point here is, we seem to have forgotten,
how important Anti-Trust is. And now are being forced
to live with the consequences. Because this issue affects
almost everything you do. Angry at banks? Well, the industry's dominated
by just these four. Frustrated with your
health insurance provider? Odds are, it's one of these. And if this whole story
is infuriating you so much that you're yearning
for the sweet escape of death? Well bad luck,
because the casket industry is controlled
by these three companies. Oh, and it gets even worse. The after life is actually
controlled by one religion. I'm not saying which one, but when you find out
you're gonna be so mad. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -The point-- The point is--
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) The point is, we have laws to prevent the worse effects
of consolidation. And it may well be time
to more aggressively use them to impose strict standards
and to empower the FTC and the DOJ's
anti-trust divisions. And that is something that
most people would really get behind, and nearly
every politician should. After all, there is one thing
they can not stop saying. ALL: Small businesses are
the backbone of our economy. Well, if they
really believe that, it may be time for them
to stop talking about backbones and actually fucking grow one. -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-And now this. NARRATOR:<i> And now.</i> <i> All of Jim Cramer's
sound buttons</i> <i> replaced with fart noises.</i> Hedge-Funds that are in trouble
start selling, not because they want to, -but because they have
to raise money...
-(FART NOISE) to pay back their
unhappy clients. (FART NOISE) -Things keep working out.
-(FART NOISE) Is it any wonder
that Norfolk Southern -and Union Pacific keep running?
-(FART NOISE) -Buy high and then sell low!
-(FART NOISE) A time-honored way
to lose money. -Sell it tomorrow...
-(FART NOISE) ...because the whole idea
of saving for retirement -puts you to sleep.
-(FART NOISE) -I want you to feel embolden...
-(FART NOISE) -...not.
-(FART NOISE) As we tell you what we would do
before we pull any trigger. (FART NOISE) -I was wrong on both counts.
-(FART NOISE) (FART NOISE)
There is something deeply unsettling about a group of elected officials sounding like the fucking borg collective.
I was wondering while watching this. Have we reached the peak of merging or will it continue to get worse from here on out? Because if we have really reduced airlines to 4 companies, how much more merging can happen?
Good that Megyn Kelly got crushed in that montage.
This feels like a slogan in a cult.
Also, I am glad that he brought Luxotica, one of the worst offenders in corporate consolidation.
I used to work for time warner cable, it got acquired and I got laid off along with several of my colleagues. Then I worked for Virgin American, it got acquired and several of my workers got laid off, now I work for startup that is in talks to be acquired by a tech giant.
I can't be the only one, right?
Bing, the best way to get to Google to install Google chrome
Fuck you AT&T!
To ask politicians to stop big corporations is career suicide for them because reelection campaign are not cheap....
Politicians should wear jackets like NASCAR to show their sponsors aka campaign donors
Also, the grocery inudstry is merging like crazy, Albertsons and Safeway merged, now there are rumors about Food Lion and Giant. Kroger is snapping up southern brands as well. It’s getting out of hand because without competition, they begin to simply not care.
The Emmy + fart joke thing was great :)