Conquer Earth? Yeah, Not So Fast Buddy... - HFY Humans are Space Orcs Reddit Story

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Captain Zorfax clicked his tentacles  impatiently as the starship Intrepidus   dropped out of hyperspace. Through the viewscreen,  the mottled blue and green sphere of Earth hung   innocently against the black void of space. "Report!" Zorfax barked, swiveling his eyestalks   toward his science officer, Sklorn. "We have entered standard orbit around   the human homeworld, sir," Sklorn replied,  manipulating the ship's scanners with his   lower appendages. "Class M environment  detected, oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere,   abundant liquid water and organic lifeforms." Zorfax let out a warbling chuckle. "Excellent!   The fools at High Command said the  humans would detect our approach,   but it seems we've arrived unnoticed." He turned to his tactical officer,   Ruglox. "Charge the quantum torpedo bays and  deploy attack drones. We will eradicate their   orbital defenses in one swift blow before  landing extraction teams on the surface."   "At once, sir!" Ruglox moved  to carry out the order.   Zorfax fantasized about the commendation he would  receive when he presented the High Council with   this lush, fertile planet. The biological  resources alone would fuel the Empire's   expansion for megacycles, and the primitive human  race would serve well as laborers and slaves.   "Captain!" Sklorn yelled. "We are being scanned  by a vessel on an intercept course. Configuration   matches human starship classifications." "What?" Zorfax pulled up the scan data, bristling   with anger. "Impossible! Their technology should  be cycles behind us. Evasive maneuvers!"   The Intrepidus banked hard as a sleek, silvery  vessel dropped out of warp, directly between   the Karloxian ship and Earth. Zorfax could make  out the markings on its hull: UES Liberty.   An incoming transmission clicked through the  ship's communicator. "This is Admiral Jefferson   of the United Earth Federation starship  Liberty. You have entered sovereign human   space uninvited. Power down your weapons  and state your intentions immediately."   Zorfax fumed, his tentacles writhing furiously.  "Insolent lifeform! I am Captain Zorfax of the   Imperial Karloxian warship Intrepidus. Your  planet now belongs to the mighty Karloxian   Empire! Surrender or be destroyed." Jefferson sighed. "Look, let's not get   off on the wrong foot here. I'm sure this is just  a misunderstanding. Why don't you come aboard for   a chat? We were just about to have dinner." The arrogance of the human made Zorfax boil   with rage. "You dare mock me? I will wipe  your pathetic vessel from the stars!"   He entered a series of commands into the weapons  console, priming the quantum torpedoes for launch.   But instead of unleashing devastation, the  control panel merely blinked at him.   "Sir, our weapons are offline!" Ruglox cried.  "Some kind of directed energy pulse from the   human ship has disabled them." "What? Impossible!" Zorfax   slammed his tentacles down. Jefferson's voice returned through the   communicator, still maddeningly casual. "Oh, sorry  about that. Just a little emergency precaution on   our part. Can't have you losing your temper and  doing something you'll regret now, can we?"   Zorfax stared dumbfounded at the viewscreen image  of the human starship. The design was unfamiliar,   but the technology was clearly far more advanced  than anticipated. How was this possible?   "I must consult with High Command," Zorfax  said weakly. "Open a hyperspace channel."   But the communications array merely sputtered  uselessly, as dead as the weapon systems. They   were trapped here, at the mercy of the humans. Jefferson spoke again. "We disrupted your FTL   communications as well, just to make sure  we have your undivided attention. Now,   we're perfectly willing to have a civilized  discussion, Captain. In fact, I insist on it."   Zorfax sank into his command  chair, deflated. "Very well,   human. It seems we have...underestimated  you. I agree to your negotiations."   "Splendid!" replied Jefferson. "We'll have my  transporter chief beam you and your staff right   over. Don't worry, you're going to love pizza!" As the channel closed, Zorfax dropped his face   into his tentacles. How would he explain this  humiliation to High Command now? The human's   words haunted him...underestimated, indeed. Zorfax materialized aboard the human starship,   still reeling from the utter failure of what was  supposed to be an easy conquest. The transporter   room in which he found himself was spotlessly  clean and filled with technology the likes   of which he had never seen. Several humans stood waiting,   wearing crisp uniforms bearing insignia  marking them as higher ranks. The one who   stepped forward wore additional decorations -  this must be their leader, Admiral Jefferson.   "Greetings, Captain!" Jefferson said  warmly. "Welcome aboard the Liberty."   Zorfax shook off his disbelief at the situation.  He must not let these humans see weakness.   "Your technology is...impressive,"  he conceded. "But if you believe you   can intimidate the Karloxian  Empire, you are mistaken."   Jefferson smiled. "No intimidation  intended! We just wanted to clear up   this little cultural misunderstanding.  Come, let me show you around."   The tour of the ship was almost surreal to Zorfax.  The humans nonchalantly displayed scientific feats   the Empire had struggled centuries to achieve.  Hybrid fusion-fission reactors supplying endless   clean energy. Gravity manipulation allowing  inertial dampening and simulated artificial   gravity. And the sheer scale - the Liberty  was twice the size of the Intrepidus.   Finally they came to the officer's mess  hall. A bizarre assortment of food and   drink covered the tables. Jefferson  encouraged them to sample something   called "pizza" but Zorfax was wary of poison. A younger human female approached them. "Admiral,   the translators are fully trained and  we've prepared quarters for our guests."   "Excellent work, Ensign Wu," Jefferson  replied. "Let us continue our conversation."   The ensuing negotiations were equally baffling  to Zorfax. The humans spoke of individual rights,   cultural diversity, and freedom. When Zorfax  asserted the planet belonged to the Karloxian   Empire, Admiral Jefferson merely laughed. "My dear Captain, I don't think you understand   the situation here. We will not be surrendering  our world or people to anyone. However,   we are more than willing to establish free  and open trade with your civilization."   Zorfax froze. "Trade? But your  resources will fuel our expansion!"   "Will they now?" mused Jefferson. "And  what do you imagine that expansion   entails for worlds such as ours?" When Zorfax detailed their plans for   invasion and enslavement, the humans seemed more  saddened than angered. "I believe there is a   better way forward. For both our peoples." Reluctantly, Zorfax agreed to review the   proposed trade agreements and cultural  exchanges. What choice did he have?   "Splendid!" Jefferson said. "I know this all must  be quite shocking for you, but in time I hope you   will come to see humanity's way as preferable  to the path of violence and subjugation."   As Zorfax returned to his ship, he pondered the  paradox of a species so advanced yet so naive.   Surely they could not maintain this egalitarian  innocence as they expanded into the galaxy.   And he knew the High Council would never  accept peaceful trade over an iron-fisted   conquest. But Zorfax now doubted whether  such a conquest was even possible.   One thing was certain - the humans were  a far greater variable than any Karloxian   projections had allowed for. And variables had  a way of altering all equations in the end.   Zorfax stood rigidly before the flickering  holograms of the High Council, dreading the   report he must now deliver. "Proceed with your briefing,   Captain," intoned High Chancellor  Vexza, her aged tentacles crossed.   Zorfax hesitated. "Upon  arrival at the human homeworld,   we encountered unexpected...complications." He described their advanced technology and   refusal to surrender, bracing for  the Council's reaction. Instead,   they merely clicked in thoughtful unison. "This confirms the projections of our   strategists," Vexza said. "The humans are  more resourceful than typical civilizations   at this development stage. Adjust  your invasion plans accordingly."   Shock rippled Zorfax's body. "With  respect, Chancellor, they have   demonstrated technological parity with our own.  A successful invasion seems...unlikely."   The chamber rumbled with laughter. Council  Member Jurox responded dismissively. "Clearly   you have allowed these humans to intimidate  you, Captain. Their society is disorganized,   nonlinear. Ours operates with unified  purpose. We will adapt and prevail."   Zorfax struggled to compose his reply.  "They exhibit social cohesion exceeding   our models. And their non-hierarchical  structure appears...efficient."   "ENOUGH!" roared Vexza, tentacles flaring angrily.  "You overstep your place, Captain. The Council has   deemed this planet vital to Imperial expansion.  You will reconquer it by any means necessary!"   Chastened, Zorfax acquiesced with a bowed  head. After terminating the transmission,   he slumped dejectedly in his command  chair. The Council was stubborn, but the   facts remained - Earth's conquest would require  resources beyond his current capabilities.   He summoned his senior staff. "OPTIONS!"  he rasped. "We must devise a new strategy   to breach the humans' defenses and  bombard their population centers."   Chief Engineer Klax discharged his oral  siphons thoughtfully. "Admiral Jefferson   indicated the humans possess intra-system transit  networks. Possible hijacking vectors include   quantum teleportation or micro-wormholes.  This could bypass orbital defenses."   "Excellent!" Zorfax exclaimed. "Divert all efforts  to penetrating these networks. What else?"   Sklorn manipulated his console. "Initial  cultural data implies variable societal   priorities. Leveraging social divisions could  foster insurrectionist factions to--"   Zorfax waved his words away  impatiently. "No, no, the humans   have proven annoyingly cohesive so far." He pondered further. The High Council   had demanded results. The sanctions for  failure here did not bear consideration.   "Pull all available stealth drones from  storage," he ordered. "We will overwhelm   their detection grids through saturation.  And begin landing extermination teams on   outlying population centers immediately." His officers saluted and withdrew to carry out   their instructions. Zorfax slouched wearily in the  stillness of the command deck. He felt stained,   as if this rising tide of violence  might never be washed clean. But the   Council's will could not be denied. He wondered what Jefferson would say to   these desperate new tactics. Would he respond with  outrage? Or merely muted disappointment? Zorfax   realized with a start that the human's reaction  mattered to him now on some deeper level.   But it was too late for qualms. The invasion would  proceed, and untold lives would be lost. For the   first time in his career, pursuing final victory  felt less like a triumph than a burdensome task   he must complete out of grim obligation. Zorfax wished fleetingly that the galaxy   held other paths forward. But wishes were  for hatchlings. He had given his orders,   and the assault on Earth now accelerated  towards its destructive conclusion.   Alarms blared across the Liberty's bridge as  Admiral Jefferson studied the sensor readings   grimly. The Karloxian stealth drones had evaded  their detection grid and landed ground forces   outside population centers across the globe. "Casualty reports coming in already,   sir," said Lt. Curtis. "They're using some  kind of disintegration beam on whole city   blocks before we can intercept." Jefferson shook his head. "So the good   Captain has stopped playing nice. Deploy  all available fighters to intercept,   full authorization to engage." The Liberty banked hard and accelerated   towards Earth. But Zorfax had cunningly timed  his attack for the few minutes their transit   engines were down for maintenance. Closing  the distance would take precious minutes.   On the surface, chaos reigned. Citizens  ran screaming as Karloxian centauroid   walkers vaporized buildings at will. Strange  bipedal aliens marched through the streets,   harvesting any human they found. Jefferson opened a channel to Zorfax's   ship. "Captain, cease this madness immediately!  We can still find a peaceful solution."   Zorfax's tentacles twitched with what  seemed like shame. "I must follow my   orders, Admiral. For both our sakes." The channel closed, and Zorfax watched   the slaughter uncomfortably from orbit. Why did  it feel so wrong to be winning this battle?   But the tide was already turning. All  across Earth, hidden human bases roared   to life. Sleek fighters and bulbous drones  erupted into the skies by the thousand.   Zorfax peered closer at the sensor feeds. These  were unknown configurations, more advanced than   any vehicles they had yet seen. Jefferson had  been holding forces in reserve after all.   The human ships tore into the Karloxian walkers  with precise volleys. Alien ground troops found   themselves beset on all sides by powered exosuits  and elite commandos. In minutes, their invasion   collapsed into confusion and full retreat. Realizing any further attack was useless,   Zorfax ordered his remaining ships to fall  back and consolidate losses. If the High   Council questioned his decision, they could  fight these humans themselves next time!   Aboard the Liberty, Jefferson surveyed the  damage reports with steel in his eyes. Thousands   of lives lost, millions displaced from their  homes. But it could have been far worse.   He opened a channel to the Intrepidus. "Your  invasion failed, Captain. And we have mobilized   barely a fraction of our full defenses. I pray you  have learned the futility of aggression today."   Zorfax wilted under the human's stern  gaze. The Council would have his head   for this, regardless of excuses. "I...I must consult with my leaders,   and reconsider our approach," he said softly. Jefferson's expression held more pity now than   anger. "You understand so little of who we are.  But we will teach, if you wish to learn."   Zorfax terminated the link in contemplative  silence. The humans possessed the power to   annihilate him utterly, he realized...yet  they chose mercy. Perhaps their way truly   was superior - the galaxy held paths  forward he had never imagined.   Zorfax stood rigidly as the High  Council bellowed its outrage.   "Billions of Imperial credits wasted on  this fruitless invasion!" raged Vexza.   "You have failed utterly. Explain yourself!" Zorfax steeled his nerves. "The humans cannot be   subjugated by force. Their technology matches  our own, and their society is...resilient.   They wish only to exist in peace." "Peace?!" Vexza spit the word scornfully.   "You disgust me, Zorfax. I should feed you to  the tentacle snakes for your incompetence."   The other Council members clicked their agreement.  Zorfax trembled, but stood his ground.   "The Empire can gain much through  cooperation with the humans. We should   open diplomatic channels immediately." The chamber rumbled with shock. Jurox fixed   Zorfax with a venomous glare. "You overreach your authority,   Captain! The Council will vote on this matter  shortly. For now, you are relieved of command."   The screen went dark, and Zorfax slumped into  his chair, exhausted mentally and physically. He   had gambled everything on reason, but the Council  remained too blinded by conventional thinking.   A alert chimed - an unauthorized wormhole  was opening near the ship! Zorfax rushed   to the bridge, expecting a suicide bomber or  similar fanatic attack. Yet it was Jefferson   who materialized, unarmed and alone. "Admiral! This is unwise," Zorfax cautioned.   "If the High Council discovers you here..." "Yes, well, desperate times call for desperate   measures," Jefferson replied briskly. "I couldn't  help overhearing your little chat with the   Council. Not the reasonable types, are they?" Zorfax shook his head bitterly. "They refuse to   accept your friendship. I fear they will  launch a full-scale invasion soon."   Jefferson smiled. "Not to worry. I have an  idea that just might change their minds."   Minutes later, Zorfax stood before the High  Council again, with Jefferson conspicuously beside   him. The chamber filled with outraged shrieks. "Guards! Seize this intruder!" Vexza thundered.   But Jefferson spoke first.
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Channel: Interstellar Roadtripper
Views: 166,894
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Keywords: hfy, out of cruel space hfy, best hfy reddit stories the new species, best hfy, reddit, r/hfy, sci-fi, space orcs, humans are space orcs binge, humans are space orcs, humans are space orcs adrenaline, humans are space orcs story, sci-fi short story, science fiction short story, best of reddit, best of hfy, reddit stories, reddit story, ask reddit, reddit cringe, short story, agro squerril, human crew, narrator, reddit aliens, amadeus stargazer, netnarrator, audiobook
Id: nyDah3VMSC0
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Length: 21min 33sec (1293 seconds)
Published: Fri Dec 08 2023
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