- Hello, my beautiful doves. My name is Mina and
lately I've been thinking a lot about this idea of self confidence. I love how I just put self
confidence in air quotes, like it doesn't exist. No, it exists. (laughs) That's
not what this video is about. But okay. Let me try to start again. I was watching "Euphoria"
season two. I made a review. That's one video back
so you can check it out if you haven't seen it already. But I was watching "Euphoria" and there was this one scene
that really stood out to me. - Every day you get out of
bed, it's a act of courage. - That's easy for you to say you don't have like fucking mental problems. - Kat! You need to smash
all beauty standards! - But I can't even get out of bed! (crowd yelling) - I, myself struggled
with a lot of self love, and self confidence growing up, usually instigated by my friends, all having boyfriends, except for me. Or just not feeling brave
enough to raise my hand in class to say what I really wanted to say. Feeling like I wasn't
invited to enough parties, or that I didn't have enough friends, or the fact that I never
really figured out how to successfully network. And these are like all common things that I think people struggle with. And there's this common
misconception as well, that the solution to all
these problems is confidence. Like you're just not confident enough. And once you get to a level of confidence, all your problems will
just magically vanish. - I'm sure you've tried
at times to go well, I need to be confident. I know I should be confident,
but you're still not there. We take people through a first evening. We call fear into power. We use a fire walk experience
where everyone walks across the fire between 1,200 and
2,000 degrees burning hot coal. - Child. Anyway. - So I'm sure a lot of you
have heard phrases like. Fake it until you make it. Or how are you gonna love someone if you don't love yourself. And yada yada yada yada. And to a degree, there is
some truth in those phrases. I look at scammers like Anna Delvey, who was able to fake it
till she ended up in jail. But the point is she
was sure of the identity that she created for herself she was able to mislead people for months,
and months, and months into thinking that she was this multimillionaire German
heiress with a trust fund, who didn't know how to spend her money. Meanwhile, she grew up in
a middle class household, and was previously working
as a fashion intern. (laughs) - Oh, I totally know that girl. - Oh really? What a small world. - I feel like the idea of inner confidence has been pitched to us as
this full proof solution for so long now, that it's
become so inescapable. And honestly, it's kind of even cult-like. Sociologist Rosalind Gill
and Professor Shani Orgad introduced the idea of
confidence as a cult in their new book, "Confidence Culture." In an interview with
Vox, Rosalind described this idea pretty succinctly. "It's like a cult in the way that it's been placed beyond debate. Who could be against confidence? Nobody could possibly argue against it, because it's so taken for granted. I think it's good to be
suspicious of the things that get placed in that space where they can't be interrogated at all. It was also just a culture in the way that it saturated right across society. It was disseminated so, so widely." Shani adds in the same interview. "The women I spoke to describe it as something that isn't tangible. When you add them, where did
you get these expectations that you should be the confident mother, and the full-time worker who's assertive? They say, it's everywhere. It becomes so unquestioned
that it's being internalized into the most intimate sphere. Whereby women, often very painfully, judge themselves, according to this unattainable expectation. So let's take a look at
some of the stats here. In 2015, according to
the Pew Research Center, more millennials reported making personal improvement commitments than
any generation before them. Millennials spent twice as much as Boomers on self-care essentials,
such as workout regimens, diet plans, life coaching, therapy, and apps to improve
their personal wellbeing. Over the years, we've also had a rise in terms like, being girl boss. - These stairs represent my
success, constantly going up. - Breaking through the glass ceiling. (hand thuds)
Ow. (chuckles) The idea that women need to lean in when sitting at the table. Statistics get passed around saying that men are more
confident in the workspace. They ask and negotiate
for higher salaries. They are overall more
commanding in their lack of vocal fry and inability to apologize. Interestingly, there's also this slant in the confidence discourse where powerful and successful women are now opening up about their previous insecurities, and their imposter syndromes. In a way that's supposed to
come off as inspirational. But the two writers also
challenged this idea saying, "Many incitements to
confess one's insecurities, ignore the structural
sources of vulnerability, such as poverty, ill
health, racism, and sexism. And many of the celebrities
divulging their feelings of inadequacy, or business
leaders sharing their failures are doing so from a place of security, because their struggles are
located safely in the past." I have the best advice
for women in business, get your fucking ass up and work. - That is so true. - So now that we've established what the cult of confidence is, let's get into the cultural ramifications. (digital beep) (static buzzes) This video is sponsored by Hello Fresh. Hello Fresh delivers meal kits consisting of fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes, right to your door. I got into this rut of eating
questionably, healthy dinners at ungodly hours because
I'm so busy throughout the day with work and class. But Hello Fresh saves me
trips to the grocery store, and the time spent searching
for recipes online. I'm also a big fan of how Hello
Fresh delivers fresh produce sourced directly from farmers and how their pre-portioned ingredients
encourage less food waste, which are really important concerns I have for the food industry. Hello Fresh also has
different customizable options like Pescatarian, veggies,
meat and veggies, et cetera. Here I'm making warm butter shrimp rolls. I ordered the Pescatarian option. I'm honestly not a huge fan of cooking, but Hello Fresh makes
it so quick and easy. And the end result tastes great. Go to HelloFresh.com and use code MINA16 for up to 16 free meals
and three surprise gifts. (Mina laughs) (food crunches) Mm, it's pretty good. (digital beep) (static buzzes) - I'm woke. - Woke.
- Woke. - So why aren't my jeans? - Woke washing, similar to green washing and pink washing, is a type
of performative capitalism. Companies these days
often brand themselves as being work, either by posting
a Black Lives Matter post on Instagram, or by
showing a diverse range of models in their ad campaigns. Because they know being more progressive is monetizable these days. That's what people expect from
the companies they buy from, a certain level of political awareness. But the reason this is all performative is because 99% of the time
what the values these companies are championing on the surface level are not being reflected in the company's internal structures. For example, in 2015, an
anonymous writer published a piece on Jezebel that went viral, and the title of the article was "Lululemon Diaries: My life in an Exploitative,
Libertarian Happiness Cult." In this article, the writer
talks about her experience as an educator, which is
the term that Lululemon uses to basically just describe
the position of a salesperson. And for any of you who
don't know, Lululemon is an active wear company most popular for having a strong grip on the yoga pants/flared leggings
market in the early 2010s. This person also talks in their article about how at Lululemon, there's this idea of everything being your choice. So if a customer is being rude to you, it is your choice to be offended. They even talk about
this one customer who got so angry at them and who was screaming, and spitting in their face. And when they reported
it to their manager, their manager said that it was
their choice to be offended by getting screamed at and spit at. - Girl, you have done it again. Constantly lowering the bar for us all. They write pretty strongly
that even when it's a matter of safety, like
someone following out an educator to their car,
Lululemon did not care. They write, "When you start, if you're not a college graduate, or someone who just needs
a part-time retail job, or a person who's like a dancer, or Yogi supplementing their income, you're made to feel wrong
for your scheduling, for needing time off for children, or for noticing the many OSHA violations. Lululemon tells you every
single day educators are the most important
people in the company. People believe it too, especially if they've never
worked for anyone else. But while snacks for yoga classes, and a clothing discount is great, those aren't the benefits that matter. That doesn't help people buy groceries, or plan for retirement. And perhaps this is most telling of former founder Chip
Wilson's own ideology on how he allegedly didn't believe in public assistance or welfare. And that only people
who were entrepreneurial would be successful in life. So I've never worked at Lululemon, and I haven't been to one ever, like, I don't think I've ever
stepped foot in a Lululemon. So I don't know if the working environment has changed ever since
this article was released, because it was a pretty scathing article. But it goes to show that unless a brand is called out for doing something wrong, they will do whatever they
want behind closed doors. All while pushing for these wonderful, and amazing progressive
values on the surface. Similarly, ultra fast
fashion brand Boohoo claims to be all about body positivity
and female self-confidence. But according to British
newspaper, "The Sunday Times," which published an
undercover investigation, workers in a factory in Leicester, that supplied Boohoo
were being paid as little as three pounds and 50 cents an hour. Please note that the national
living wage in Britain for ages 25 and above is
eight pounds and 72 cents. (digital voice yells indistinctly) The article also said
that workers were working without proper equipment
to protect against COVID. Nasty Gal, a clothing company that had previously branded itself as this girl power/strong woman brand also had a publicized scandal in 2015. According to Buzzfeed news, Nasty Gal had terminated multiple
pregnant women when these women announced
that they were pregnant. And this has pretty bad repercussions, because terminating these women also meant that these women were losing
their health insurance. Another ex-employee Farrah Sabari, claims that she was let go after being diagnosed with a kidney disease
that forced her to go take off five weeks for her surgery. She claims that the loss
of her job also compromised a lot of her medical bills, because once again, her
insurance was taken away. So I could keep going on forever, because there have been so many companies that have had these little scandals, like Abercrombie & Fitch,
and Brandy Melville, and American Apparel. They're so many of these companies that claim to be about something, and then you find out that
they're breaking all kinds of rules when it comes to how
they treat their sales people. What's more is that a
lot of beauty, skincare, and diet companies create this link between confidence and outer appearance. As if true confidence can only come from looking a certain way. In the Vox interview,
Rosalind criticizes Dove, the beauty brand for woke
washing their campaigns. She says the whole company is premised on exploiting women's insecurities, selling products targeted at that. It also has a post racial tenor in the way it flattens our differences
to make them seem as if they're all on one plane, and as relevant as each other, while appropriating
social justice language. It takes all the differences, and empties them out of their meaning, and appears that, say, being pregnant is as significant as being disabled. Yeah, a lot of beauty companies
will run these campaigns where they'll have a bunch
of multiethnic models, and each model will say
like the same thing. They'll say like my beauty matters, or something very generic and basic. And Rosalyn argues that by
having every single model say the same thing, regardless
of what they look like gives the implication that we live
in a post-racial society. Because in reality, beauty is going to have a different
meaning for a trans woman, for an Asian woman, for a disabled woman, for a pregnant woman. In our society we have all
dealt with different degrees and types of marginalization, and we are all treated
differently depending on how we look on the outside. And these companies tend to
gloss over these differences, and in the end, not add anything actually relevant to the conversation. And on top of that, these
companies do not address the systemic issues that cause us to feel less confident to begin with. I remember coming across this post that just made me very angry. I'm gonna read it to you all, so you all can be very angry with me. Mercedes S Johnson said on,
I think this is Facebook. I don't know. I haven't used
Facebook in a really long time. ♪ Hello darkness my old friend ♪ - They write, I just
offered a candidate $85,000 for a job that had a budget of $130,000. I offered her that because
that's what she asked for. And I personally don't have the bandwidth to give lessons on salary negotiation. Here's the lesson, always
ask for the salary you want in parentheses, deserve, no matter how large you think it might be. You never know how much
money a company has to work with, #beconfident. (digital boing)
What's wrong with you? - Okay, if you work in HR
and you know your company has a budget that is double
what this person you want to hire is asking for,
just give them the budget that was allocated for
the position. (laughs) If you've been applying for
dozens and dozens of jobs and you haven't heard
back from any of them, and you have a rent payment due. And you finally get
called in and this person is sitting there offering you a job, you're not gonna play
some kind of mind game with your perspective employer. Because there are some
employers out there who will just not offer you the job if you ask for a salary that's too high. Some employers are like that. They just don't wanna spend
any time negotiating with you, if you really overshoot
what their budget is, and that would suck. And you would just like not get the job. So sometimes people just
want the job so badly that they are willing to take
whatever is offered to them. It's not that hard of a
concept to understand. So, no, I don't think being confident is the be all end all solution for this. As Beth Daley writes
for "The Conversation," "Take the pandemic's devastating and disproportionate
economic impact on women, including increased unemployment, the scaling back of paid work, and the widening gender pay gap. In response, workplace schemes have offered confidence training courses, and advice for women while
organizations, life coaches, and lifestyle media implore
women to believe in themselves. Fill your own cup first, and remember that confidence
is a work in progress. Thus, instead of holding
government workplaces, corporations and the
education system to account confidence culture calls a
woman to work on themselves in order to tackle
their imposter syndrome, change the way they
think feel, communicate, hold their bodies and occupy space. The reality is people who live in poverty are more likely to suffer from depression. And according to a study by
the Mental Health Foundation, the poorest fifth of the UK population are twice as likely to
develop mental health problems than those on average incomes. A study from researchers at UCLA found that young adults who endure frequent interpersonal discrimination
based on race, sex, or physical appearance are at greater risk of mental health issues
than those who don't. These authors also analyze
data from a 10 year survey and found that people ages 18 to 28, who experience consistent, short, or long term discrimination
are 25% more likely to experience psychological distress, to be diagnosed with a mental illness, or to report excessive drug use. I'm by the way, reporting
these statistics, because I really want to show how this confidence deficit
is a systemic issue. There are systemic reasons for why people are low confident, and the only way to raise
people's overall self-esteem is our to fix, is to... Literally have a grammatical
brain fart right now. Is to focus on fixing
these structural issues. Not only are marginalized
people more likely to suffer from mental health issue, they are less likely to be
able to afford to get better. Black mental health advocates
have also been talking for a long time now, about how the US' national
public healthcare system leaves very, very few options
for culturally competent care. Only 3% of the country's
psychology workforce is Black. And the community-based
clinics that do exist are severely underfunded. And this is a problem, because
according to Maysa Akbar, the author of "Urban
Trauma, a Legacy of Racism," Black communities sometimes shy away from seeking treatment for
mental and physical illnesses in fear of experiencing
racism by workers and doctors in these healthcare systems. There's also empirical evidence that a lot of healthcare
professionals are fat phobic, and they will let their negative biases affect how they diagnose their patients. Which also leads a lot of fat people to not getting the
healthcare that they need. Activist, Sonya Renee Taylor recounted, "I threw my back out three
and a half years ago, and I was in excruciating pain, and the physician just
looked at my chart and said, "Just take a couple of Tylenol." Doctors deny fat patients'
pain, or minimize their pain, or deny them pain management treatment, because some doctors
believe that some bodies, mainly fat bodies, deserve
the pain they're in. And you know, this goes across so many different communities. There's a lot of transphobia
in healthcare systems. There's a lot of misogyny
in healthcare systems. A lot of people are just
not taken seriously, which is why a lot of people
will not get treatment. - What do you do on those
days that you don't feel that confident, or fearless, or powerful like you do out there? - Pretend. - Fake it? - Yeah.
- Until we make it? - I mean, why not? It's either that, or cry myself to sleep. Who wants to do that? You wake up with puffy eyes the next day. That's a waste. - So in saying all that,
taking care of yourself can be a very radical act, especially if you live
in a country, like the US that doesn't have accessible, or culturally competent
healthcare available for a lot of people. So yeah, sometimes like, you
just got to do things yourself. But the problem is that the
online self care community is very elitist and classist. Hashtag self care, first
went mainstream in 2016 with the term spiking in Google searches the week following the election. There was such a insurgence of virtual self care content that year, that "The Atlantic" even ran a guide to online self care guides. Now, in 2022 I feel
like the term self care is not as buzzy, and not as new as it once was back in the mid-2010s. For example, there's less self care guides on the internet being published. But in lieu of them, there's now like, 50 self affirmations to say
to yourself in the morning. Or how to be that girl, or
30 best skincare products. I would argue that all these
things who we put under the umbrella of the self care movement, which is connected to our universal desire to improve ourselves to
be our most confident, most intelligent, most beautiful selves. Self care is also heavily
tied in with spending money, like buying detox teas,
and manifestation journals, and $30 fitness classes, and
bath bombs, green smoothies, green juices, matcha lattes, you name it. Ironically, the term
self care actually rose in the Black community
as Black activists pushed for a way to deal with
systemic oppression. Self care, in this original
sense, was a form of protest, and was also supposed to be
aligned with community care, which is exactly what it sounds like, caring for your community. You may or may not have heard
the famous Audre Lorde quote that's been unfortunately co-opted, and taken out of context numerous times. "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." Kathleen Newman-Breming
wrote for "Refinery29," "Self care cannot be an
act of political warfare, if the only battle you're waging is against your frown lines
with $110 moisturizer." (air horn blares) My personal problem with a lot of this self care marketing these days, is that a lot of people,
namely women and fems, are told that they have to follow a certain routine in order
to get to their highest self. And all of these steps in the routine have to do with spending money. And if you don't have the
money, you're shit out of luck, you're never gonna manifest your goals, you're not gonna get your
romantic partner of your dreams. You're not gonna have the
career of your dreams. It's like tying this idea
that your quality of life in the future is heavily dependent all these very arbitrary,
costly steps you take today. A lot of the criticism
towards the that girl trend, which was big on TikTok in the past year, is basically an aesthetic
lifestyle revolving around waking up at
5:00 a.m. to do Pilates, drinking green juices, going
to the farmer's market, and wearing beige Athleisure. Things we associate with
having your life together, and looking good while doing it. But a lot of the criticism
was about how that girl was unattainable for anyone
living paycheck to paycheck. And while I think you
can aesthetize yourself in any way that you like as
long as it's not offensive to any particular groups. I think it is kind of sad that there's this one very privileged lifestyle that has been overblown into being the pinnacle of confidence,
sexiness and beauty. And the irony is that a lot
of these self care things that people are advertising,
are also just scams. None of these guides really help you if you're struggling with
an actual mental illness. Sure, it's great to be
reminded to drink water. Water is never a bad idea, but these clickable,
Instagram-able suggestions are not going to help you
unpack your childhood trauma, or deal with stressful situations. And do not get me started on
Instagram therapists, either. Oh my god, I have such a bone to pick with a lot of Instagram therapists, because I think it's a total scam. For anyone who doesn't know
the Instagram therapist is someone who posts an
infographic that says a quote that's very basic. Like, "Analyzing your life problems is a, coping mechanism for dealing with pain." I don't know, something very, very general that could be applied to
a lot of different people. They're like the horoscopes of
the mental health community. As someone who's been in therapy, for therapy to actually work, you have to talk about your
personal life experiences. And whatever advice your
therapist is going to give you is going to be tailored to the story that you share with them. Because everyone's life
experience is different. You can't just have this
bullshit generic advice work for everyone, because everyone
has a different experience. None of these Instagram
therapists know anything about any specific person
that they're preaching to, and therefore, their
advice is just very like, you could find that stuff
on a fortune cookie. Anyways, as Lori Penny
writes for "The Baffler," "The harder, duller work of self care is about the everyday, impossible effort of getting up and
getting through your life in a world that would prefer
you cowed and compliant. A world whose abusive logic wants you to see no structural problems, but only problems with yourself, or with those more marginalized and vulnerable than you are." Okay, thank you everyone
for sticking around, that's all I have for today. Let me know in the comments. Oh my god, the sun is shifting around, hopefully, that wasn't happening throughout my whole video. (wind chimes tinkling)
That would be a disaster. Yeah, okay, thank you all
so much for joining me. Let me know in the comments what you think about the cult of confidence, what you think about anything
I just said in the video. These are all things that
I've been thinking about for a long time, but I
finally felt catalyzed to do a video on it after
watching "Euphoria," ironically. So yeah, I hope you have
a lovely rest of your day, and I'll see you next time, bye-bye. (wind chimes tinkling) (flowing, elegant classical piano music)
