Confessions of a Bible Power Couple- Part 2- Ahab and Jezebel

and welcome to the well here at sts a where as you saw from the video right there we are going behind the scenes we are going backstage looks here what's really going on behind some of the most famous couples that we see in the scriptures and last week we kicked off the series in a fun way we looked at Jacob and Leah and Rachel we saw how that little love triangle worked out and we saw that someone who was a great man a great Saint - father of Nations man chosen by God had some concerns right there and some issues in the beginning of his marriage all right and really the problems in his marriage started from before marriage because if you remember last week we talked about Jacob's problem was that Jacob fell in love with being in love and when you fall in love with being in love it's inevitable the problems are going to happen when anything becomes higher than God there's a word for that and the Old Testament is called idolatry that's what we saw with Jacob he made marriage his idol number one I fell in love with this girl don't even know her name but she's the answer to all my problems and the inevitable result when that happens to you is problems that's why we saw the solution wise last week is that Jesus must be one everything else mean it must be number two including your spouse now last week we looked at a good man who made some mistakes Jacob today we're gonna look at a bad man who makes horrible mistakes and is even more bad or worse wife and see the problems that they caused you see last week we looked at somebody good how they made mistakes we can kind of learn from them today we're gonna hold up probably the most wicked and evil couple in the Bible okay a man who is wicked he's a coward he's a bad bad man like he's a guy that gives Judas a run for his money on the top 10 list of people you don't want to be playing the part of in the in the school play the only thing worse than this man was his wicked wife and his wicked wife even her name today people don't know her story in the Bible her name you just say her name here a lot in music especially the rap music for the kids listen to these days her very name means an evil scheming plotting deceiving woman in the name of that couple is a hab and Jezebel will read just one verse to introduce their story a happened Jezebel where the scripture says in 1st Kings 21 twenty-five there was never anyone like Ahab never anyone like him but not necessarily in a good way never anyone like Ahab who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the Lord urged on by Jezebel his wife no one like a hab ever but not in the way that you may be thinking no one more evil than him and this is the only King the only King that we actually hear his wife's name and the reason we hear his wife's name the scripture doesn't do anything for no reason all the other kings this guy was bad this guy messed up this guy this this guy was bad and his wife was part of the problem too and it's very rare to see that so you know there's something going on right here let's take a step back let's get the context of the story before we delve in to what's going on here with a happened Jezebel a hap was the seventh king of the nation of Israel by this time the nation of Israel had divided into two parts of Northern Kingdom in a southern kingdom so Ahab was the seventh one who ruled in the Northern Kingdom he was King for twenty years and if you just kind of looked on the surface a Ahab was actually a pretty good King like military wise political wise a hab was a good strong leader who did good stuff for the nation the problem is is that even though he had great potential to be a true leader a great man of God he was not a leader in his home and in his home he gave up the leadership to his wife and his wife was no good and his wife okay so all throughout Israel's history they worshiped other gods and that was bad okay they worship these other gods and they were bad they should never do that Jezebel when she came in she brought in the worship of a new God who was the worst of them all and his name was Bale VA al and Bale was the god I'll just tell you what he's the god of and you could kind of see why he is probably the worst one he was the god of fertility so the worship of Bale was the worst of all the foul worship and the idol worship in all of Israel history who brought it in this lady named Jezebel and her husband who was supposed to be the leader of that household instead of squashing it and stopping it there and helping Israel to turn around to where they belong let his wife take control and the end result was the country went down the toilet and this dynamic okay there we're gonna read about Ahab and Jezebel I'm not saying every marriage is like this but I'm saying it's a very common dynamic that we see today that I see today and we want to address it here from a biblical perspective and that is the dynamic of the passive husband and the controlling wife and I can see all the ladies getting their pens ready to throw at me all right hold your horses give me a half hour give me 30 minutes okay before you judge me as old-fashioned or outdated or I don't know what I'm talking about our children can just give me 30 minutes okay to make the case of why the passive husband coupled with the controlling wife especially is going to lead to problems and is against the plan of God now assuming that we are all in a neutral state of mind right now and no one wants to kill me yet ladies ever struggle with the needs of control the laughter says it all okay ever feel like you know you just wish that he would just listen to what you said and just kind of or that the kids would just or that ever feel like you just need to just I just need to control somebody's need to put something together and fix something to make it right ever feel that need to control that urge to control I think from the very very very beginning you look back to Adam and Eve first thing first mistake even made what she want to do Adam eat this just come on come on I told you to eat this put that doughnut down eat this Apple it isn't good for you and that caused all the problems of the world because she you tried to control the situation I'm just joking we're gonna have some fun here today okay everybody relax right man on the other hand don't necessarily struggle with the control thing too much in fact they need to struggle a little bit more sometimes with the control thing men have no problem to be hands-off men have no problem to be laid back and to take a passive approach on many things in life especially when they see their wife is on the controlling end now this when I talk about this dynamic realize this that some of the most passive men at home are some of the most take-charge men at work and they're very high initiative everywhere outside of the home so that tells you right there there's something going on that needs to be addressed it's not his nature but something's going on and there's a dynamic we're gonna talk about that one time I was talking about this subject of the the controlling wife and the passive husband I was talking about this and I said you know hey in the crowd you know crowd participation any of the ladies who ever feel the need to control raise your hand several ladies raised their hand okay and I said any husband's out there okay and you feel like you know you're a passive husband if you raise their hands again I saw one lady take her husband raised his hand for him illustrating my point right there on the spot passive husband controlling wife let's start here first Kings chapter 21 verse 1 says and it came to pass after these things that nay bought the jezreelite had a vineyard which was in Jezreel next to the palace of Ahab king of samaria so Ahab is the king his next-door neighbor is a guy named maybethe and nabe off has a vineyard in his in his plot of land verse 2 a hab set in a bog let me have your finger to use for a vegetable garden since it is close to my palace in exchange I will give you a better vineyard or if you prefer I will pay you whatever it is worth we got to pause the story right here I am King palace guards horses money sees his neighbor and his yard and he says I want that yard why did they have want the yard for what a vegetable garden a vegetable garden you wanted a vegetable garden may toes do cumbers rhubarb I don't know what he was into but for some reason vegetables were I guess big on him and he wanted his own little garden I got a pause the story right here and I got to stay so I'ma be talking about secrets here today and revealing stuff to the ladies about the men and the men about the ladies now start off right here off the bat and say stall the ladies it's important that you realize that men no matter how macho strong macho men every guy this is in the guy code is allowed one chick thing everyone is allowed one chick thing everyone is allowed one thing that doesn't match the macho persona some people like the romantic comedies okay the hallmark movies okay or lifetime or whatever it is maybe in like to cry like that's their thing that's fine as long as that's the only thing like if that's your thing that's okay but you can't have two things some men you know their thing is you know they're macho they're tough they play basketball they work out they like the pedicure manicure thing like that's just what they do okay that's their thing and it's okay as long as you only have one thing some guys the man purse some guys the short little pants they go that's fine like whatever it may be every guy's allowed one chick thing and I've made no secret about this before I've told y'all that my chick thing I have got a very clear chick thing is I'm into 80s music okay and for me not just 80's music but the cheesier and the more love songs it is like that's my thing okay so I'm talking I'm talking about I'm not talking bout like the Guns & Roses and Bon Jovi everyone loves those guys well I love me some starship I love me some german journey don't stop believin I love the true Queen's of music not to download they cold queen today the Queen's was lady named Paula and the true queen named Whitney okay those were the Queen's okay of music back then I love that stuff but you can't talk cheesy eighties music unless you go to the true see all those other people you can get into today but 80s man these guys yeah that's right thank you very much I'm talking about Jordan and Johnny and Joey and Danny and Donnie the original Wahlberg okay with you other Wahlberg is the original Donnie y'all remember these guys right these are new kids on the block and all the old people love it and I got to tell you here's my chick thing not only I was into New Kids on the Block but I would I had a bandana for sure okay had a bandana for short several of them but I would at times in front of the mirror do the moves at practice moves I'll be honest I was pretty good at the dance moves and New Kids on the Block okay no way what who's that no way you Oh seven hours of practice without ten seconds right there seven hours right there and you can imagine if I didn't have a herniated disk what I'd be doing right here on the floor right now right for those who are just gonna be watching this on the recording okay because that part we don't record that part right there okay first of all there's copyright issues and there's other issues going on why we wouldn't want to record that for those who were just watching on the recording and that part got blacked out you missed it okay University you don't want to miss the well in person because this today was the day that it all came out all right let's go back to a have with his vegetable garden right here he loves that's his thing his vegetable garden asked the guy I want your land so I can have it and they both responds verse 3 but Namath replied the Lord forbid that I should give you the inheritance of my ancestors so Namath basically said what there in that verse no and why did he say no well first of all he may have really loved his land but also in negotiation if the king who has a palace comes and says give me that like you're gonna try to jack up the price because you know he's got the resources so this is just a negotiation the guy says no the color King responds so Ahab went home sullen and angry because nay bought the jezreelite had said I will not give you the inheritance of my ancestors so he lay on his bed sulking and refused to eat I beg your pardon he have Kingdom Israel he went in ago she ation I want this land no what did they have happening you mister you have like you you you got that's it you're just gonna go with you I take my ball and go home and close the door and I don't want to see anybody I'm not going either doctors ready today another rank like if there's a little temper tantrum right here before we go continue the story ladies again I'm given secrets here today ladies did you know that the stronger the man on the outside oftentimes the weak he is on the inside and men have a tendency have a tendency not all I'm not saying all guys do this so I'm saying have a tendency that we fight against that when we feel like we can't win at something that we don't measure up to something that we're not good enough at something we have a tendency to want to take our ball and go home we have a tendency and say you know what this is hard this is difficult I quit I don't measure up take my ball and go home but luckily for Ahab he's got a supporting wife and his wife enters the store in a neighbor they're starting on a bus a hat comes home sulking let's see what his loving supportive caring encouraging wife says to him in the next verse 4 spot his wife Jezebel came in and asked him why are you so sullen why won't you eat he answered her because I said today about the chance for your life tell me your vineyard or if you prefer I will give you another videos place and he said to me I will not give you my vineyard and Jezebel his wife said is this how you act as king over Israel you can hear the disdain in her voice now what are you a putz what are you a wimp is this how you act as king over Israel get up and eat cheer up like I'm gonna make you cheer up look if you don't cheer up imma put a smile on your face for you I'll get you the vineyard of naboth the jezreelite one of the reasons I believe and I know right off the bat a lot of people are gonna throws one throw stuff I'm glad you gave me you promised me I did the dance you got to give it to me for a little bit you got to give me a break one of the reasons that God created women it said in the book of Genesis the God created woman as Adam as his helper and a lot of people don't like that word helper okay and you want to throw stuff at me I didn't come up with the word helper okay God did so if you got a problem you got a problem with God and maybe there's a misunderstanding of what the word helper means what I think the word helper means it means that man by himself was not complete the world was good the garden was good everything was good but it was not good that man was alone so P so God created for man a helper someone to complete someone to be there for him why because he knew that man by himself couldn't get the job done and that's not to say women by herself get the job done it was saying that man by himself and woman by could not get the job done God knew that man by himself lose his keys all the time you needed a woman around to help like he would never match anything okay he would he may not bathe for all we know whatever it may be but he also knew that man by himself would get discouraged he knew that man by himself would feel down he knew that man by himself wouldn't feel like comparing to all the other men I don't measure up I don't compare and God knew that man needed a helper to pick him up and to lift him up and to encourage him and to support him the word helper has gotten a bad rap and anytime we disdain the role given by God again I'm not making it up like your problem is not with me your problems with Moses who wrote of the book of Genesis and Moses would say that's not my problem either God took it from God's or your problem you go talk to Moses okay and you can get in line that and talk to God after that if you've got a problem with the word helper the word helpers the word given to the Holy Spirit is he is our helper that doesn't it's not a degrading that's not insulting it's saying the completion of that man by himself was incomplete and God created woman to be his helper it is sad to me that many today resist the role given to them by God man as the leader woman as the helper it is sad to me that people resist on both the men and women beside the role that God gave them because Society or someone out there tells us that that's not the proper role well let me tell you this I'm telling you this because I love you I'm not telling this cuz I need a Mew telling you because I love you the same people I promise you in front of God the same people who resist the god-given roles and resist the roles that God ordained those are the same people who will tell you that marriage is not worth it and that marriage stinks and they will tell you that marriage is not the greatest thing that God invented here and I'm telling you there's a reason there's a correlation right there because when you throw out the rules that God created for it but of course the thing isn't gonna work right of course it's gonna be the sort of you marriage so the same people who tell you ignore these roles the same people tell you the marriages are worth it and I'm telling you there's a correlation right there and I believe marriage is worth it when we look at it from God's perspective and God tells us how it works not we tell him how it works so we talked about the men and the women passive husband controlling wife who should we start with okay let's start with the ladies ladies first I'm gonna a gentleman okay let's start with the ladies ladies two things that you need to know about your husband the two worst things that you can do as a helper the two worst things that you can do and God's role for you the two worst things that you can do are shown by Jezebel in this verse when she says this how you act as king over Israel the first thing is a controlling wife the littles her husband a controlling wife belittles her husband Jezebel said is this how you act as king over Israel in other words what's wrong with you can't you do anything right you're such a ah I gotta fix your mess again sadly the controlling wife thinks she's helping her husband but all she's doing is tearing him down she thinks she's doing good for herself or for her household or for him but in the end all she's doing is hurting him and hurting herself in the process ladies you're very powerful you may not be powerful with the muscles that you're very powerful with the tongue and you have the power in your tongue you have the power to build or to tear you have the power to frustrate or invigorate you have the power to bring death or to bring life you have that power the man may have the power and the biceps but you have a much stronger power with the power of the tongue and I'm not saying listen carefully I'm gonna talk to the men later so I'm not letting the men off the hook okay I'm not letting them off the hook but I'm saying that a lot of times what you see in the man that you've criticizing the man you got to look in the mirror and say what role do you play in it and the reason why I say this I'm saying this in front of God I'm saying this cuz I love you I'm not saying this for any other reason I'm saying this because you look up here at me and you see a confident man you see a secure man I'm telling you whatever you see up here is because the little lady sitting right over there my wife and if it wasn't for her I need to clap for you can clap her if you want but thank you that's an engaged okay sir engage they say Oh in a romantic mood but I'm not trying to be romantic I'm trying to be honest okay of course it wouldn't hurt if I got some romantic points for but I'm being honest that I wouldn't be Who I am today and I often think about that and who would I be if it wasn't for Marian I wouldn't be this strong I wouldn't be this confident because I got the most supportive most encouraging life in the universe all right and I know that you know when she's especially the most encouraging and supportive you know where she shines when I fail and when I my low point and I come with my tail between my legs and I come as a failure and I come feeling down I've come to feel like an idiot that's what she picks me up and lifts me up so you see people tell me you're always in a good mood you're always up and you're always and I say you know what a lot of the reason why is the helper that God gave me playing her role as helper and lifting me up I'm not letting the guys off the hook I'm gonna get to the guys but ladies you got to see what role you play in the fact that you say your husband is who he is you got to see where all you play in that I'm gonna give you three proverbs right here that talk about the wife and her role and this one needs no explanation proverbs 27 15 but quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm let the Word of God speak to all of your hearts right there okay now every guy's like okay I want to memorize a verse this is a first I wanna memorize this is your verse okay a cool some wife is like a dripping of a leaky roof and a rainstorm on the other side ladies we'll put this one up on the fridge you can find a virtuous wife her worth is far above rubies couldn't agree more with that statement let's sum them both up and say this one okay death and life are in the power of a tongue and I'm applying this specifically to marriage and I say that to the ladies especially ladies single or married here what is the number one complaint the number one complaint the ladies say about men today say it about their husband say it about men and society men today what's the number one complaint that about men is they don't take initiative that he's not a either that he's that he is doesn't lead our family okay but again we're looking in the mirror right here we're looking to see what is my role in it is there maybe that he doesn't take initiative that he's not leader and maybe I have a part in it Friday night and he says hey let's go out to eat let's go to this restaurant and your response is that's a stupid idea don't you know this this this and that next week he comes and says hey I got an idea for our vacation and he says is a great idea what do you want that's the dumbest idea I ever heard spiritual and I'm telling you stuff that I hear spiritual we're gonna pray together she says her soliloquy in prayer and he utters two words and she says you called that a prayer that's how you pray well no wonder our family no wonder our kids and no wonder our finances honestly it breaks my heart sometimes I know husbands who are great guys who and their wife's eyes can do nothing right and do nothing right I'm not saying they're angels I'm not saying they're perfect but come on I know some guys who believe in their wife's eyes they can never do anything right what did that husband going to do is he going to suggest another restaurant next Friday night is he gonna come up with vacation ideas is he gonna be excited to pray the word for that ladies if you want to know what that's called that's called soul crushing that's called any desire he had to take leadership any desire he had or to take initiative you crushed it by telling him what a he is every time he tries that husband is going to do what a hab did he's gonna take his ball and go home I'm gonna close the room and I'm just gonna be passive ladies and tell you another secret men were very simple I'm not saying dumb I'm saying simple okay and I would argue that simple sometimes it is better but men are very simple men go where they feel good so if a man feels good at home feels like a success at home you want to go home but if a man feels like a failure at home and feels like I can't do anything right at home he's not gonna want to go home he's not complicated it's simple if a man feels like I'm successful at work everyone loves me treats me the respect I'm successful when I play basketball with the boys everyone treats me with respect I'm a failure at home I can't do anything right no one respects me that's a no-brainer that guy is not going to want to go home the guy's going to spend more hours at work you're hanging out with the guys more often he's gonna do less at home and you're gonna say doesn't take initiative and no leadership Hey we're gonna look at ourselves in the mirror and say what role do I play in this I don't mean this in an insulting way guys I'm not saying this I'm not I'm not trying to I'm not putting guy okay I'm a guy I'm not putting guys down you know dogs you know how you treat a dog a dog does something good is scratch him behind the ear you give him a smooch to give him extra food on his plate ladies it's that simple with the guts he does something good give him a scratch behind the ears or maybe on the belly give him a smooch put Elektra fruit in his plate and you will see your guy doing tricks I mean responsibilities taking initiative because the principle in life in this and every aspect of life this is in every aspect of life what gets rewarded gets repeated what gets rewarded gets repeated say it with me what gets rewarded gets repeated if you want an action repeated rewarded if you reward it it gets repeated if you don't reward it it doesn't get repeated at work at home with your children especially in marriage what gets rewarded gets repeated no ever left getting criticized getting torn down getting made to feel like a zero nobody ever left one of those sessions and said I want to take initiative in my home I want to step up no guy so if that's your strategy is not a good strategy go with the reward strategy that's number one they're belittling the second thing that a controlling wife does is quick to take over quick to take over and that's what Jezebel did the guy came home didn't get his veggie garden and she said get out of the way I'm gonna handle this go to your room play with your toys okay and I will be back and I will solve this problem think of it this way let's say you're getting in a car you and your spouse you're gonna get into a car you're gonna drive on your vacation wherever it is you're gonna go the car has two seats there is a go for your side a responsible seat and a fun seat the responsible seat one with the steering wheel has to be responsible at all times has to be checking around has to know where he's going has to watch a speed limit has to check the GPS that seat has to be responsible at all times the fun seat what's their responsibility turn it up kick back tot here it's cold in here turn it up there's one seat of responsibility and one seat of fun ladies the problem in many marriages today is you jump in the responsible seat every chance you get and as much as you jump in that seat you're telling your husband sitting the fun seat and all he thinks his job is to say is turn it up and by doing so you train your husband not sink responsibility now I mean kind of step back here I realize that what I'm saying here isn't easy and have some ladies your husbands are really passive and and they are irresponsible and if you don't take charge and you're not gonna eat that week like I get that but what I'm saying is is if you constantly constantly jump in this seat if you constantly do it every chance you get I realize sometimes you got to take charge but if constantly you jump in that seat you are training him to never step up I'll give you an example and these are real examples okay I switched some of them and obviously I could say names but he's a real example especially the third one I'm about to say is a verbatim example he gets the kids dressed for church on Sunday they come down he's a dad okay he barely can dress himself okay I get that he dresses the kids and the girls hair is this way okay and the boys you know shirt is inside out or whatever like and it's okay he didn't do the best job he comes down and you uh you take them back upstairs do you redress the kids but message you tell him the fun seat he for example loads the dishwasher but he doesn't load it the right way like you know how they all have to face a certain way and the big ones go there and then the little ones go there or whatever it may be I don't know how these things work but he doesn't load it the right way and he's so proud of himself and he pulled out the dishwasher to show you when you came home late from work they look at me I did the dishwasher and you take them all out and put them back in the right way you told him stick with the radio true example true example a guy vacuumed his house which most ladies if it brush in my house like if a guy vacuums his house like miracle today happened in this house like some ladies would drop to their knees and not believe the miracle that just took place that the man vacuumed true story the lines weren't all he crisscross her circles are running to what he did he perpendicular like that lady wanted to come in and she wanted like a superhighway like she wanted just the line strike so what did she tell him stick with the radio seat I know it's not easy and I know I'm making joke of it and I'm gonna make lave and I realized that some of you got some serious issues and I realize a lot of ladies struggle with this all I'm saying is this is you can change you can force your husband in the short term to do what you want him to do by taking over like you can force it but you are hurting it in the long run but ultimately you are hurting his long-term motivation never step up and take the lead because you always jump into that seat and I believe I truly believe that you can force you can take control but you're much much much better bet is to take a step back play the long-term game and trust in God above I'll show you a great verse ladies I show you a great great great verse for you Psalm 68 verse 5 and I realized literally may not apply but I realized that that sometimes like emotionally it does apply a funny is the father of the fatherless he's the defender of the widows is God in His holy habitation I realize but you're not a widow but your husband is alive but in some ways you are kind of like a single mom and in some ways you are kind of what do you kind of by yourself and I get that and that's hard and it's easy just to throw darts and I get that but what I'm saying is trust ultimately in God to do a work and your husband trusts it that God who ordained him and put him in that position to drive and take leadership trust that if you step back and you lift your arms up to God Almighty who's the father of the fatherless and the hope of the hopeless and the defender of the widow's the trust that he can do a long-term thing in your husband that you can never do by forcing it in the short-term that's for the ladies controlling wife be littles quick to take control now let's turn to the men oh sorry it's running late no time keep up the good work guys okay let's not joke gentlemen maybe the reason that your wife is struggling with what I'm saying maybe the reason that she always quick to take control may be the reason that she's seething right now as I'm telling her to let you drive maybe you have something to do with that and maybe you need to help her let go of control by taking initiative and fulfilling your god-given role your god-given role not your me given role your god-given role and your god-given role from Star description to you in the scripture is this the passive husband rejects his god-given call to lead with humility to lead with humility not just lead not just humility because humility can be the passive lead can be the aggressive lead with humility let's start with the lead part passivity is unacceptable gentlemen it is unacceptable the state of men today is unacceptable and I'm just saying that in a general way and I'm not saying you're unacceptable but I'm saying it is unacceptable that we as men have abdicated big work have abdicated our role our calling to lead have just kind of let it go and said you know what what it is it is what it is and we've just kind of sat back on the sidelines we sit on the bench drink our punch watch our TV and we have checked out from the god-given role that he has assigned to us in our family and in society God has hardwired it in men I truly believe this in every single man God has hardwired it in you to lead get us hardwired it in you not to sit on the bench just like you don't eat you don't need to teach it to man you don't need to teach a lion how to hunt you need to teach a fish how to swim you need to teach a wife how to neck too nicely express not I'm just joking with you I'm just joking with you just joking just joking okay that one didn't get as many laughs let's move right on okay you don't need to teach a man how to lead all we need to do gentlemen we don't need to be taught we do we tell your class we need to read a book we just need to step into it we just need to step into the role that God has laid out in front of us and be willing to do things that may be difficult but step into it but we have to understand what it is or go-to passage now from mark chapter 10 one time Jesus is talking to his disciples two of them on the road were chatting together and they were saying about what oh how great it would be if I'm in charge Norland be in charge no Jesus likes me the best no Jesus likes me the best Jesus responds to them this way he says you know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them and their great ones exercise authority over them the other shall not be so among you it shall not be so among you but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant and whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all for even the Son of man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many you know why a lot of ladies hate me talking about men as leaders you know why there's a lot of talk out there and forgive him not up to date but I I know enough to know that there's a lot to talk about what it means to be a man and masculinity these days you know why there's a lot of talk out there about that you know why your wife cringes when I say what I'm saying maybe he's because the way that we exercise leadership and maybe it's because of the abuse that they have seen and men taking leadership leadership is never meant to be selfish Dee's made it very clear that I am to take leadership in my home not for my own sake not from my own self-interest not so that I can have what I want but I had to take leadership for the sake of every single other person in that house I'm to make decisions not based on what is good for me but me as the fourth priority in my house actually fifth God won and then everybody else to in the mean way at the bottom that's what true leadership is is a man who makes decisions not based on what he wants but he's strong for the sake of those who are weak he is selfless for the sake of those who are underneath him or in his care in his charge and that's what the world is missing today and I promise you if we men if we walk out of here and say we are leaders and we are going to you leave it like Jesus lead we are not coming to be served but to serve if that's the kind of leadership nobody will complain about your leader if your leadership is truly selfless no one will say why do you think you're the leader and why does God say this and why do I have to submit and why that he said no one will say that if we lead the way Jesus led and we need to be better at that gentleman and specifically I got three here for you make it practical for you guys we need to lead in three ways we were called to be providers protectors and pastors providers protectors and pastors provide number one I don't just mean mean provide money that part of it but I mean provide safety provide security we're supposed to use the abilities and the gifts that God has given to us the strength God has given us whatever it may be to provide for others and this I teach this to my kids what it means to be a dad is exemplified with this there are two Oreos and three of us then you know who is the true christ-like leader in the room two Oreos three of us number two we are called to be protectors and when I say protectors doesn't mean you're supposed to sleep with a bat so you can beat away the robbers I don't mean just protect their bodies and protect her body I mean protect her heart and take care of them emotionally and provide the safety and security that they longed for gentlemen let your wives know that you love them let them know that you cherish them let them know like I did like a fool right now that I can't be Who I am without them without hurt let them know these things I heard a guy one time said lady complaining the guy never says he loves me the guy never says he loves me never says he loves me and the guy said yes I did I told you the beginning of our marriage I love you if anything changes I'll let you know guys our job to make them feel loved it's our job not sorry to make them feel loved to let them know they're loved it's our job to provide that emotional security that they long for and cherish that we may not get it why they need to hear it again they're loved why did he like that we may not get it but we need to provide it we need to protect them emotionally same with our children care children need to know that we're there for them emotionally we're not monster we're gonna judge them and throw them out they need to know that their safety in this house well that's our leadership men and lastly we're pastors when I say pastor out I mean you need to pray our meetings for hours and and lead to our Bible study in the book of Revelation I'm not talking about what I'm saying is your Shepherd that's what a pastor is your guide you supposed to take care of the Sheep you're supposed to be the one who is walking towards the kingdom and leading them behind you gentlemen are you leading any body to the kingdom are you yourself even walking in that direction and if the people follow you actually do follow you where are they gonna end up like we need like we need to be better than this like I'm not saying we need to go to seminary but I'm saying we need to step into that role and too many guys have given up that role and said to the wives you do that you take care of the spiritual stuff like okay you tell me when you want to pray and you do whatever you want with the kids no no no no we need to step into that role general we need to be better and I'm telling you you lead you provide you protect you pastor nobody will complain about your leadership and in the end gentlemen whether you do it or don't do it realized that God holds you accountable to this when I go back to the story of Jezebel and Ahab and wrap it up right here Jezebel as when we left the story she saw a hab and said your doofus get out of here I'm gonna take control so basically what she does is she throws a party and she invites neighbors to the party and she also invites these two thugs to the party and the two thugs conspire together she tells them I'll give you money this is what you do you go into that party and when everyone is listening you say I heard this man namath curse God and curse the king you accused him of that and the other one verifies his now you've got two witnesses and they do that in the party there's an uproar they take namath out back they stone him to death but basically she murders him pick up the story there verse 15 as soon as Jezebel heard that maybethe had been stoned to death excuse me she said to Ahab get up and take possession of the vineyard of naboth the jezreelite that he refused to sell you he is longer alive but dead in other words I took care of it you can go now when they have heard that Namath was dead he got up and went down to take possession of Navy bots Vineyard okay and he had his little seed packets there's a little watering thing and you know now I get to play with my vegetable garden hold your horses there mister a hat and the word of the Lord came to Elijah the Tishbite go down to meet a hab king of Israel who rules in Samaria he's now in a BOTS vineyard where he has gone to take possession of it say to him this is what the Lord says have you not murdered a man and seized his property what's the answer to that question did Ahab murder anybody did they have murder anybody did they have even know that a murder was taking place no hey how was playing in his room with his toys okay like Ahab was just kind of complaining he wouldn't even come out to eat he's just playing with his little toys and Jezebel said I'll take care of it you stay here and then she came back into a limb now it's done he's dead you can go so why does God say to a have you're responsible right here because God made him to be the leader and God will hold him accountable to what happens in that house even if he has no clue what's happening and in fact the fact that he has no clue is what he will be held accountable for next verse then say to him say this to a hab this is what the Lord says in the place where dogs lift up nameless blood dogs will look up your blood yes yours for emphasis in case in case it has like you mean jazzed about like you're on the wrong room like that's her room over there like she doesn't allow me to go there she tells me to stay here yes yours because I put you as the leader of that household that was the role that I assigned for you and you let go of that role and you were passive and you were held responsible for what took place so now you can decide if you want to throw stuff at me or not those are the god-given rules God designed mentally with humility God designed women to be the help we lose our ability to do those two things men when we accept passivity one except to just turn it up roll when we accept that we were Jack the roll God has given to us and ladies when we insist on being in control we reject the role that God has given to us as well so I will ask you this couple questions first I want you to ask yourself are you operating by God's standards or by society standards do you look because clearly society standards and gods are in conflict do you look at society do you look at God's standards from society's perspective and say outdated doesn't work in 2019 old-school stuff for not even my parents my grandparents is the black-and-white era do you judge God by the standards of society and if you do I will just tell you out of love for you because I care about you please look at the outcome of society's marriages before you decide to adopt their standards look at the outcome of how marriage works in society before you decide to adopt their standards and then I'll ask you maybe you're on the other end which I hope you are do you are you willing to stand where God stands and to say even if society tells me this is outdated this is old-fashioned this is not I will accept how God commanded I'll accept how God designed it I may not again I just gave a very surface level okay so I didn't really go deep it on my happy to go do you play more one on one but what it means okay to be the helper and to be the leader so it doesn't mean like the I'm not talking about like that but well I judge God by society or like stand with God and say to society I do not accept your standard I will stand with God and I was saying was way that God designed marriage and I will trust the result like I'll go with God and accept whatever the results which one is you if you choose the latter which I hope you do ask yourself where you fall in short ladies where have you fallen short in your role where is it that you are controlling where is it that you are belittling where is that you were always stepping up quick to take control and not letting your husband play the role that God designed for him to play and men where is that you have let go where is the jeweler just sitting back passive where's that you've just abdicated your responsibility and said you know what that's twice used that word because you're counting where's that you just said you know what like that's not like it's hard I don't need to do that and it's gonna be okay where is the Jude and taking a passive role and I'm telling you they have you never heard this in a while but I'm telling you to all the men in the room I believe in you I believe you're better than that I believe that we're better than that I believe that our wives our children our society needs us to be better needs us to step into the role that God has laid out the only training you need me all maybe all you need maybe all you need is somebody to tell you I believe you can do it and I'm telling you I can believe you can do it you probably make mistakes but you can do it you can be that man is that what God put inside you leave you with a passage from Ephesians chapter five where st. Paul talks to the wives and talk to the husband and you see clearly short passage to the whys gives a lot more to the husband's all right he says wives submit to your own husband's as to the Lord for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ as the head of the church he's saying in a perfect world the wife submits the husband husband submits to God in a perfect world and I'm telling you a true man who leads with humility who is submitted to God any woman a godly woman would love to submit to that kind of husband I promise you okay I promise you if you are if you are doing that role the wives would love that husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her see the selflessness the humility that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish never in there didn't say anything about selfish never does anything in there about power it talked about selfless and humble my prayer for you today is that we would adopt the standards that God has laid in place we would step into the roles the God has designed for us and then I trust that God Almighty who gave us the design will reward us with the kind of marriage that we're all looking for let's stand up and say a prayer in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit one God amen Heavenly Father we thank you for your word we thank you Lord for the gift that you've given to us but none of us is complete by ourselves that that that that that you created us Lord to be in community with one another and you created this thing called marriage Lord to help us but to live that out I pray Lord for every marriage that's here that every marriage Lord that that might be struggling or might be going through stuff that you'd help them Lord to step into the roles that you designed for them whether that means stepping back or stepping up Lord I pray you'd give them a strength to do so pray for those who are approaching marriage or thinking about marriage or considering marriage I pray that you would help them to be the godly people that you want them to be they can find the godly person that you want them to find I pray all these things in the mighty name of your son with the intercessions and prayers of all your saints hear us as we pray thankfully our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil one in Christ Jesus our Lord for thine is the kingdom the power and the glory forever amen

Channel: STSA Church

Views: 4,415

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Id: BMhPcBGtabo

Length: 50min 28sec (3028 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 04 2019