Comparing Memories with Aphantasia (blind mind's eye)

hi everyone I hope you're all doing okay and I'm back I brought a guest guess who it is it's my husband yay so I thought it would be cool to do a video where we kind of compare our memories of things cuz obviously I think of things differently with no pictures or sound so I wanted to compare what it's like for us but I wanted to ask one thing before we start we tried not to plan anything because I wanted it to kind of feel more but I want to ask you because on my last video somebody had posted a comment saying he's a streamer and he said that when he films he imagines people behind the camera so I want to ask you because we're filming this to put on line for people to watch so while we're doing it are you imagining people behind the camera sorry was that question yeah that's for you so when you're talking into this camera are you imagining that you're talking to people no absolutely not no okay okay so I thought maybe that was something oh you guys did know so you're imagining like you're just talking into that yeah but I can imagine that could be a strategy that some that people use I mean this is my first time filming now are you people like now that I said um no it's what I'm conscious of is is um just that I don't look like okay alright well so I thought we would compare memories of something mmm like significant that it's easy to remember so we've talked a bit about our vacations so yeah so maybe we'll start with our vacations to Australia we've been to Australia twice and both times we were with the same people with his family the only difference was the first time we went I was pregnant in the second time we went our daughter was there so that's kind of the big significant difference between the two all right so so when we were talking about this the other day I asked you how you can decide a memories from our first trip for memories from our second trip yes and obviously it's clear to me because we had we had a table with us right right but you said something about the houses your mother's house is so so sure so sure so besides the people in the trip being the same yeah the main difference was the house the houses that we stayed at during the holiday so besides that daughter being there the other reference point that I use is the house and and the memories based on the house and that's how I can clearly distinguish between the two trips right but for me I don't have the house in my head like if you if you asked me specifically to to think about it I could kind of tell you like one the TV room was farther back than the other one but I don't see it it's just an idea but so I can't use that as a marker suite so this is something we've talked about before we really should talk about the context yeah maybe put some context like don't don't think about the house whether it was the first house or the second house but think about like you talked about when you bought some sheets right right so so happy about the sheets which can you kind of recall where we took the sheets home to and then write what okay so one of the trips we went to this like um outlet mall and we bought some some sheets cuz do you really wanted like my sheets like like from a hotel like fancy like big count sheets anyway what the word is so we went to this one and now the I don't remember what trip is because I can use my my daughter being there as a reference but when we were getting the sheets perhaps she was asleep in a stroller and then I wouldn't she wouldn't have been interacting with us I wouldn't be thinking of her in that anyway right she's with my mother for that time being right so I can't like for me I can't determine which trip it was right right so I have no idea and it's funny actually because we were talking about a another we went to another outlet mall when we went to New Zealand and that was our most recent trip and I was actually thinking that we had done that in Australia but then I remembered we got shoes for our son and our son wasn't alive yet when we went to Australia so the only reason I know that's not the outlet mall in Australia was because we bought shoes for him right and that's it so I don't see the outlet mall I can't remember what it looked like but I know we bought shoes there so this is the problem like so so here we are struggling with you know one of us having this this Fantasia and another one that has chronically terrible me right right so I think another one that would be good is we've been to Japan a few times right now I know I okay I'm pretty sure we've been to Tokyo Disney three times we went for my 30th birthday and I remember it was my 30th birthday because I mean it's your 30th birthday so significant so you remember that so I know we went on my 30th birthday and then we went once just us and then we went one time where we met up with our friends is that right or did we meet up with them both times No so I remember we ran we went together right I'm not single but just together rather and then and then we went another time with friends and then we just went recently for the rugby right oh that's right okay so those are easy to punctuate for me right right see I'd I honestly I didn't make the rugby connection until you said that because I was thinking of I all of my memories are separated I think I think that's a really good distinction so now that you've said the rugby now I'm like oh yeah I'm associating that trip with the rugby but before it was completely separate for me yeah so I'm thinking like so I was trying to think of some kind of way to kind of explain how my how my memories are organized because you told me before your memories are like a like a timeline right that's how you see it and for me mine are not like that all of my memories are are by activities by actions and so I was thinking like do you remember when you did a computer with like ms-dos and you put it you put in your disk and if you want to find something you do like find and enter and you just get all this stuff and it wasn't really in any order I mean if it wasn't an order I don't know what it was maybe it was alphabetical maybe it was by file size I have no idea but it would just be like random like this that's how my memories are mm-hm so so I don't necessarily make the connection right away unless I stop and think about it like if we had stopped in and talked about this second trip or this third trip to Japan I would have got there that it was for the Rugby World Cup but it doesn't come to me right away okay yeah that's just saying well what I'd like to talk about is we're talking about the vet yeah interesting one because these these memories you talked about I didn't quite see it and what really got me was a comment about about a vet so about 10 years ago we had one vet in another part of town and we left more than 10 years ago and we've been in this other place in town and and what Courtney said to me was her memories of that vet from 10 years ago as vivid as the one we've seen for the last 10 years which to me doesn't make and well I don't know vivid is the right word but to me they feel the same like I've told him before like sometimes I'll ask me for an example of something and I'll give him I'll give him a memory and then he'll tell me like that's from 10 years ago like it's too long ago it's not it's not it's not a good example and so I was telling you when we were talking about it today just to let him know like I remember the vet that we used to take our dog to I remember him and his office and what our dog did there as equally to the vet we take our dog to now like it doesn't feel like one memory is stronger than another memory they just feel equal cuz it's all just data so like like like literally for me the things that we did yesterday feel the same strength in my head as memories from when we first met sure but anytime I refer to the vet you know what I'm talking about right yeah yeah yeah I mean obviously it's the the vet we go to now right yes other times we get into contentious [Music] discussion is this yeah is when when we try to draw in memories and she kind of goes way back in the files in the back and and so yeah it was just which is quite quite interesting too and and I mean was always this way but we never questioned it and now that we've you know in the last month or two I have this discovery why that is yeah I'm sure it's irritating for you like you'll ask me to give an example of something and it's from however long ago because what I've learned from my comments and and reading different things on online about this is that with your visual memories it's very easy to to make substitutions so so the farther back a memory is the more degradation there could be to that to that memory right so yes right so I would assume like very old ones would not feel as clear because the memory has degraded over time whereas for me my memories are all data all the time like it feels the same yeah we were we were having another discussion to do is talking about like my memory is like this data dump so I was thinking about like my my high school graduation like I remember it rained that day so we had to do the graduation in the gym instead of in the football stadium and I remember you know the valedictorian gave a speech and I remember the salutatorian gave a speech and I remember everybody threw their hats but I didn't throw mine because I wanted to keep it and at some point I went up there and got a diploma or was it a piece of paper I don't know what they gave me I don't think it was an actual diploma it might have been anyway but I don't remember the order so I don't remember who spoke who spoke when and what we did and and this kind of stuff I just remember the facts of what happened that day mm-hmm but I feel like for you if you wanted to remember your high school graduation you would like watch a movie and it would just all happen in order no see so not really so the whole time you've been talking about this I've been I've been listening and then trying to picture my own but I can tell you with 100% certainty I've not thought about that day since it happened because I have absolutely no emotional connectivity to it my parents weren't there they were abroad I as soon as I in fact yeah I in fact I told I told the rector I said I'm not gonna stay I want to leave and he didn't let me so maybe maybe that's part of it but I really I can't I can't it wasn't important to me people weren't there to watch it and it was a formality so I really but now when you're thinking about it do you see it like a movie mm-hmm I mean I can I can pull some images from my mind but I certainly don't see with very much clarity that I can tell you the way so if you if you think of a memory more often like you recall it more frequently it's stronger yeah absolutely okay so that's not the same for me hmm cuz I could think about the same thing every day and would still feel the same as something I only thought about once a long time ago my memories feel exactly the same so I think this has always been a challenge without discussions about this thing like I um I mean it'sit's great we can only discuss discuss here and share people because you know I remember when this when this when this jenni began for us how long ago now like two months two months yeah and and we I was with the kids and you're here on reddit or something right and you yelled at me hey babe I think I've got this and I'm like what on earth you're talking about and and it's from reading stuff like what's it that Blake Ross's name and and and that video so that what I want to talk about is that video that we watch was it that total total tiger you know the guy and his girlfriend and they're sitting down and they're discussing oh yeah yeah so so what I wanna mention that is because all we can do is share our experience and then bounce it off other people alright so so this is the value of it so you know all the time having these discussions with Courtney I've always been like really hesitant to share why because I've told her like I don't want to I don't want to be the one speaking on behalf of humanity about my only the only way the truth is in patient of it also um and just like we can only speak from we can only speak anecdotally and then and then and share and then if people can yeah well I wanted to bring up because it made me think when you said that about your graduation how you haven't you haven't thought about that in years so the other day when we were when we were talking about this and and you said something to me because it's an example that I've used a few times for something that we've done and you said why do you dwell on this and I told you I literally am NOT dwelling like I literally cannot dwell on a memory it's just like when I put in these parameters this is the kind of memory I want this is the one that comes up so like I really like I can't dwell on on memories at all like I went up the only time I bring them up is when I'm like talking to you about them or if I'm like consciously making the decision to think about them hmm okay you know what I mean like I don't like walk down the street and like see something and then I get a memory about something that happened to me related to that yeah so then the other one I wanted to to talk about was um so he had come home from work and I asked him about the day and he said it was really boring so she's need to tell me and then he's like well no I'll tell you about it but you can like make you know think about something else in the background while I'm telling you and I can't I can't do that because I don't I don't think with an inner voice in my head cuz he had said something like you can like make a shopping list in your head while you listen to me or something I was like no I I I really can't do that I don't know if it never dawned on you that I really couldn't do it but like I can't yeah about this topic yeah so I I should touch on that now that now that he's mentioned it but the other context was you know something something that I got hung up at work work-related and and I wanted to share but like it really I really didn't want her to give her give I didn't want her to give me her undivided attention because it didn't demand it and I just said like just pull it around do what you want to do and just I'll just you know sound awesome staffed you know and yeah then it occurred to me yeah she said oh I can't do that and and and and which is really strange because we thought about it some more and the comment that lid that came from it was yeah I know when you're listening to me yeah you listening to me you're giving me you're giving me your hundred percent undivided attention and I know this to be true even before this right well that's why I thought it was important because you noticed this about me before we found out about this and and whereas whereas when you know when you're talking to me and I ha but I'm I'm I'm processing other stuff in my head too and it's not like I'm I'm being absent-minded but I am taking stuff in but I'm also processing stuff and and again this is when I assumed everyone does this except my wife like I said because she so before we found out that I'm not visualizing when other people do I had why did you think I was paying such as nothing y'all know because I know this to be true cuz cuz you'll focus on me and and I know besides it's I've always had this terrible guilt about it right when you're talking to me right so why did you think I was doing it like you just thought that was just my personality yeah absolutely so did you notice me doing that with other people too no no no but no but it's more about our relationship right like you know you come home and and you wanna and because it's something I look forward to you come home you want to see how your partner's names been and you want to show it you've done as well as part of round and do stuff you have to do at home and and and what I find is yeah I can do I can try and do few things at a time and have this something going and then pretend I can listen and have everything how's it going in whereas Pokorny when you're talking when I'm talking to her she'll like no but then then coming to this in a dialogue thing I always say to myself when this is happening I'm like when you're talking to me I'm saying in my head okay stop it stop it very very least at least yes it's been like that I had no idea no but but yeah again only brought up only brought up yeah because this F n stuff and and yeah like I said just coming through coming from discussions and talks about how our brain works in the quirks and stuff yeah well I think it's so funny because I think you know every I think every couple you have that thing that you kind of like joke with each other about like something that they do that's a bit offer like like I don't want to say annoying cuz it doesn't bother me but it's like that thing you poke fun at cuz they do all the time so like you kind of have your one like you always make fun of how I sing like I'm always off-key but his other big one is always that I cannot remember anybody's names yeah right like there's been there's been lots of times like will come home it'll be like you know what was his wife's name why am I asking you I know you don't know do you not every like this kind of thing like it's not malicious or anything it's that thing that we joke about because we know hmm it's like our thing right and so my thing to you is always like do you even listen to me when I talk so here you like I feel like this this this funny thing that we'd pick on each other it's all due to our brains processing things differently because I have a horrible time remembering faces yeah yeah putting names to faces and and so with my extension it's putting having the facial for you right I think I don't have anything to pin it to so like when when I hear a name it's it's the same as like if somebody set a random word like elephant do you know what I mean like it doesn't go with anything so like for me I can only remember people's names like after we've done stuff together like if if we work together on a project at work or if we go out and do something with our families like I have to have an event to tie that name to right right but it's not like I don't recognize people like like oh oh when I meet them and then I see them again I know that I know them I just the name doesn't come [Laughter] yeah yeah okay well anyway I'm thinking we're getting up to like 20 minutes here oh we did like 10 minutes so maybe we'll stop here I think this is really good and then I hope so yeah so if you guys liked it if it was more helpful than just hearing me talk about things sorry my eyes are like going back and forth because we're using a different camera again and then things over here and I can't look at I keep wanting to look at my own face but anyway so you're trying to look at it right so if this was more helpful to have somebody to kind of bounce things off of you know let me know so we can do maybe another one like this I like that well the thing is I mean well I mean this would be a whole nother video anyway I can't really plan cuz like when I rehearse it I forget it when you forget it yeah whereas for me for something like this a kind of project like this at least I mean at least have a like a sure well yeah I mean I could do I could do I could do notes but like a run-through would mean nothing to me at all okay all right anyway so it was nice to see you guys I hope there was some interesting stuff here I really want to know like if you were thinking before what my husband looked like right like like does this replace the imaginary husband you imagined me talking to because I had somebody on one of my first videos say when I talk about you he imagines me like sitting at the kitchen table talking to you and I thought it was so weird because like you don't know what my husband looks like like wow how how what would you do so yes I'm wondering if like if everybody does that and if so will your mental image change to this stay with the one you made up I have no idea is that weird I don't know that's weird yeah or if you have I'm just kidding no okay all right so that's all do you've anything to say okay thanks people bye [Music]

Channel: Quiet Mind Inside

Views: 12,596

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Id: pE2glukSb5Q

Length: 24min 13sec (1453 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 25 2020