Comedy - Smothers Brothers Host Young Comedians - Jerry Seinfeld & Maureen Murphy -

they take the space we take it this is HBO home box office is six sixth annual six annual young comedians show and we're very pleased set the base down summertime register if you just you want to hold it for 100k we're really pleased that they asked they thought enough of us to ask us to host this the sixth annual the sixth thing this is very important the sixth annual young comedians we feel quality for your hostess hostess show because we we too were once two young comedians so we know what it feels like to be two young comedians right so that's why we're qualified I'm glad you brought that up now this show may this show may look very simple to you all it's it's it's um it's a not a big production show it's on location this is live of course live at the Roxy Sunset Strip Los Angeles California but shows like this take a lot of planning these are very very difficult shows to produce time you ever wonder how many hours how many man-hours it takes to put together show like this well anyway there is so many there's so many girls gonna be asked that questions you see why am i tomorrow they're ready for that - yes I didn't really I'll give you a check what was a question how many how many I mean that hours does it take to put it together I don't think you understand how isn't ready for that I thought maybe a metric question or something I'm natural how do I make a guess let me take a guess okay okay Kate how many now does it take to put a show together like to say okay sucked up my head um I want to win uh okay um uh 60 matter I mean no no no no aah so nerd madhouse no okay ah eight weeks eight weeks uh yours with Stan is it eight ways no you don't understand the question what I'm trying to tell you just to relax that was a rhetorical question given to don't you I'm trying to give you an answer hey a rhetorical question does not require an answer you see just makes you wonder okay tonight's show is going to have a number of young comedians young funny people on it tonight's show will have some young funny people as opposed to older funny people and we decided to ask these young people to write their own introductions for us to read now we're not that familiar with the work we're busy doing and we want to make sure that the introductions were right for the life because a very town community we're going to laugh a lot tonight we want to make sure that their introductions was or the way that they would want them to be an edit right we were introduced Aires to young sucks yeah so we didn't want to make that mistake well at least they were half right that is a sound right I'm the younger brother anyway this this young comedian wrote this introduction to me he wrote and I'm quoting says dear dick dear Dickie dear Dickie will you please inform the audience that I am the bright young comedian you and your brother met in New York City in 1978 I don't I don't remember you brought young comedians in nineteen I'm at that 1962 I met a real bright young coming in like that doesn't matter to call now I recall this I recall this bright young comedian he's he says to continue you guys said if you still had your TV show you would have used me but no you went and blew the whole thing and got your ass thrown off the air leaving me to slog along alone in the treacherous world of stand-up comedy I remember it I want you to tell them you asked me on the show tonight so you could apologize in front of the whole nation if you wanted it sure do you feel like you should ladies and gentlemen I always kiss me okay ladies and gentle ladies and gentlemen it gives me great pleasure in apologizing for this next performance for you please welcome Jerry stipend okay thank you very much thank you I love those guys don't you nice to be here tonight a pleasure to be here tonight it's a beautiful night I just got back to Los Angeles today I'm pretty excited about it nice weather we're having weather never changes here that much you notice that's always the same weather reports are always the same there we show you the same things on the weather but because they don't really know so they try and cover it up they show you the maps highs lows fronts and then my favorite part the satellite photo this is really helpful a photograph of the earth from 10,000 miles away can you tell if you should take a sweater or not from that yeah I gotta buy some pajamas you know you have to readjust a little bit pajamas have got to be the world's funniest clothes who designed them to look that way like a little tiny suit little collar button down in a breast pocket there's a useful item anybody using the breast pocket on your pajamas putting put a pen in there you roll over the middle of the night you kill yourself now I also bought something that I had never in my life owned before you might not believe it slippers never had them never had slippers I'm looking at these things there's well basically it seems like two kinds you can get you can get the slide in these are like emergency slippers I guess you can set these up by the side of the bed case of a fire hey do you pick them right up yeah you know you can really save time with those or you can get these slippers which have backs kind of like shoes which if you have pajamas looks like a suit this completes the effect now you get yourself a flannel briefcase you're all set you oversleep go right into work there's no prob I bought some socks which I've had before but I'll tell you no you don't you don't inspect these articles as you buy them think about socks of all articles of clothing sucks more drive more ambition than any other thing how many times you do a big launcher you go to the dry you take out your socks you count them up one of them got out he escaped he took off on his own what are his chances out there I don't think they good sometimes you see a dirty sock by the street did you ever see one just one saw the sock that didn't make it I don't know how they escaped they have their own ideas you know sometimes 30 catch them sometimes they'll hang on a sweater that's like a freight car to them you know and he slipped off and they try and get out it's I'm very impressed with you know what else is funny about socks they always give you that little when you're buying a little plastic hanger on the top I love that there is give that to you like you've got some useful just go in the pyjama pocket where does that go does anybody use the little hanger anybody have a tiny sock closet at home tiny little doors you slide them open I got what you're wearing the next day I don't know shopping it's a great challenge thank you little stray laughs they're building a new mall down here I know everyone's excited about it I'm a little tired of malls I don't know about you every mall is the same every mall has a piano store I have never seen anybody in there buying one you go to the mall you've got 20 bucks 30 bucks you get a book pair of shoes you ever see anybody go hey go relate come one of those piano they're only a million dollars I like to go in the greeting card stores I think they're interesting because they kind of greeting cards really reflect you know what people are saying to each other the style of the greeting cards the communications there is a section now in every greeting card store I've been in lately where they have greeting cards with no printing on the inside though to me I mean this is a comment no words no message nothing it's like wall marker say in a way don't know what to tell her you think of something pal the 65 cents I want to get involved I don't know what you're doing over there then they have those greeting cards with the couples on the photo they photograph them you know these hazy focus people they're always having picnics there's always a tree a pond who are these people I don't know them I don't want them on my card even what am I gonna write inside there anyway here's another couple having a better relationship than us so I went to the post office to get some stamps for the car this all fits together okay I was at the post office today that's that's the true thing and I'm waiting online now what is the thing in the post office with the wanted posters on the walls you're standing there you can a mail package they're showing you killers murderers thieves what do they want to do about it the post office right the guy the people rip these off the wall go up to the counter yeah give me a book of stamps in a search warrant I'm going after this guy I've had it up to here with his activities I'll tell you my main question about these wanted posters on the wall why didn't they hold on to this guy when they taken his picture what it bothering us for amazing things like that that's that's what life is all about that's what my act supported that amazing things I want to go to the Guiness Museum because I love the Guinness Book of World Records I love these amazing things great records that people set some of them not that you would want to have of you for yourself you know I mean have you ever seen that guys got the record for fattest man in the world Bob Hughes the fattest man in the world 1,400 pounds ladies and gentlemen the man has let himself go come on Bob have a salad here do something I used to feel bad talking about the guy you know I mean I used to think maybe I would offend somebody in the audience but then I thought about it you could be in the audience you could weigh a thousand pounds and still go he's not talking about me this is a man with a serious weight problem I got it under control but 1,400 it's just it's too much Bob wherever you are if you're in the world don't want to die in it take off a couple hundred pounds but you realize 200 pounds on this guy doesn't even make a dent and if you were a friend of his what would you say to him you know you look great Bob what are you down to 1200 now you're a rail baby and what would he possibly say back to you but you know I feel terrific thank you very much good for hey that's good hey any Italians here Italian right there I got one for you Tommy it isn't at the time clear so take a second I'm not gonna be young million I'm just gonna take a second this is for the Italians it's just I got this is funny it was a LaFollette thumb mine gel opponent thumb what does it mean it means eat the door it's not funny it's funny it's a classic Italian punchline that say eat the doorman's Laporte to eat the door it said this room was still with the times you'd hear a roar that you were in would even Sicilians will smile that one's if one's lapolt eat the door it's a classic punchline what's the joke it's a rhetorical punchline Dickie okay well as we said each of the each of the comedians wrote their own introductions and I'd like to read this as it disappeared start again there is Tommy please tell them that I am the only woman on the young comedians show this evening she's the only woman on on the uncommon show this evening but things have been going well I've made six of em aids made sex appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson would you say no it was it's a thought it said six has sex appearances on the context you know rebooted community I've made sex appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson it says I made six appearances yes right I made six appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson I was born in England but moved to Australia as a child and grew up down under when I finished school I came to America and started performing PS I didn't have to sleep with a producer to get the show but I sure enjoyed you Tom I don't I don't believe I want to just introduce the lady we talked ladies and gentlemen a very funny lady Maureen Murphy thank you I have really discovered something wonderful I have discovered these romantic Harlequin gothic novels that all the women are reading and I'm really into this one and this is so exciting I mean just listen to this his pulsating lips met her throbbing shoulders as his gyrating fingers pressed against her pounding sighs she could feel his pulsating heaving throbbing beating pulse pulsating like a heaving throbbing swelling shaft of thrusting sunlight have you read this then if he put on his throbbing trousers and adjusted his pounding suspenders he heaving Lee said I still respect you Lady Diana Princess Diana but I was raised in Australia and I try to explain to my mother that I wanted to be an actress I said mother I want to learn to cry real tears I want to be able to show great emotion for someone I don't really care for she said become a housewife she always wanted me to be married all in white and all virginal but I don't think a woman should be a virgin when she gets married I think she should have at least one other disappointing experience because there's a lot of unhappy marriages in Hollywood like this one woman friend of mine told me she hated a husband so much that when he died she had him cremated blended with marijuana and smoked him she said that's the best he's made me feel in years but even dating is different see in Australia a bloke will take you out to dinner and if you don't come across he won't ask you out again it's different in Los Angeles yeah you don't get dinner you want to take you right back to their apartment and not even buy you a cup of tea in Australia making love is something rich and beautiful so worth a cup of tea only one man called me up and said would you like to have dinner before I take you back to my apartment I said that would be lovely is that pick you up about 9:00 you should have finished eating by then and then he called me baby all night he went her baby prove to me that you're my baby baby so I did I dribbled on his shirt I met him in a disco and you know the kind of man you meet in a disco the kind that blow dry their chest hair it's so vain with all the mirrors the way they look at themselves while they dance I went home with a man I met in a disco once and it was mirrors all over his bedroom and he finally said I want to make love would you mind leaving I just wish men were more romantic like they were in the old days I bring a woman roses my mother would always say a rose is the perfect symbol of romance it dies after a few days it's pretty petals faller and all you're left with is the ugly prickly thing cuz we're a Catholic and we were told that we touched certain parts of our body we'd go blind now when I came here I could see that wasn't true cuz most baseball players have very good eyesight if the umpires that are blind now have told anything growing up I used to think birth control was giving birth slowly and that mini paths were very small apartments they were never told about the curse the curse was slang for time of the month when I first got it I saw the Mummy's curse on television I thought the poor thing has it so bad as Spanish from head to toe and I think women is so independent well there's even a woman in Los Angeles that owns her own football team Georgia rosenbloom frontier' what a career for a woman she can go out in the field or some old bend over in the line of scrimmage and say just think I own every tight end on that field and you know they can have an all woman football team next season no tight end zone wide receivers I think women are so independent that one day perhaps we'll have a woman president don't you think a woman president would be great she would save the country money because she would only make half of what a man president makes and even with billy and jimmy cardigan that still be two boobs in the White House but you ever noticed that when a woman gets to have an important position they always say things like she slept her way to the top but they never say that about men senator Hayakawa he slept his way to the top you ever notice that politicians sometimes use lines on the country that men use on women like trust me go all the way with me and everything will be all right and you believe them and nine months later the country's in trouble I think they should elect politicians every year just like the Academy Awards and I think Jane Fonda could be in charge nominees for best politician are Jerry Brown One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Jerry Ford which ways up senator Hayakawa the coma Alexander Haig Raging Bull James Watt To Kill a Mockingbird Teddy Kennedy the goodbye girl all right Teddy Kennedy a bridge too far and Ronald Reagan heaven can wait

Channel: Ima Sportsphile

Views: 38,611

Rating: 4.5846152 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, comedians, standup comedians, comedy specials, smothers brothers, jerry seinfeld, young comedians special

Id: aeM2G_p4hFo

Length: 22min 49sec (1369 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 08 2015