Comedians on MEXICANS (Part 1/2)

Mexicans are I'm not even gonna lie to you even over Filipinos my favorite people in the world now right they're my favorite people too as long as their citizens never notices you they always got these specials about the pyramids in Egypt they're like oh my god the pyramids in Egypt who really built them wasn't the Egyptians it wasn't the Jews was aliens aliens came down and they built these pairs this how you know Mexicans are the best workers in history there are also pyramids in Mexico nobody questions who built those there is no our long history Chamber special who built the pyramids in Mexico Mexicans [ __ ] that's cool there was a quinceanera Mita tip down and shut up my Saturday Hailey's probably came with that we got it you will help that juice missile thing over here everything taken care of aliens greatest workers in history only people whose work ethic is a threat the work ethic is a threat you ever hear people say that [ __ ] about Mexicans the Mexicans are stealing the jobs how the [ __ ] you steal a job I never seen a Mexican walk into a restaurant give me the dishes do we do we've to give you the money to do you want the money is what no rubber gloves I'm being robbed I see you tomorrow at 8:00 nobody late do we have to pay you more to be no you pay me less money [Applause] consider this job stolen poop stole it from you a major business economically viable [ __ ] installed it stolen it from you I wish they would steal jobs every time I'm in an Apple store first of all if you work at an Apple store [ __ ] you I don't like I don't like you right off the bat I don't like it stop being so condescending you're not better than me fix my phone torque I don't want to hear [ __ ] okay you're not better than me you just didn't get [ __ ] in high school all right that's the only difference fix the phone I wish for dimensions would raid that place the Genius Bar is ours watch these nerds squirm what do you makes you still have Scylla max we can sell oranges we can sell Apple I don't think the people who made this law up have really thought it all out you know think about it folks if we get rid of all the Mexicans not for nothing how are we going to move everybody I know uses Mexicans white people black people Mexicans use Mexicans okay I'm not talking about well-nourished America Mexicans or good bone structure and proper nutrition I'm talking about those little Maharaj wants to sneak over the border that you get at the Home Depot three for $50 or $100 twelve of them will show up and with three old ladies and I've waited on to tears okay it takes them 17 minutes 17 minutes and they move all your stuff out of the house on the one pickup truck one an upside down pyramid they stack it it's incredible amazing engineering amazing no rope no rope they just throw the littlest Mexican up on top and he holds down two mattresses in a coffee table it's incredible for that 17 minutes your whole house looks like that movie Apocalypto this uh little Aztec Indians jumping around popping up when I'm his friend to catch up the water in the cortical area cuts all right and as soon as they're done Here Come this three old ladies sweeping mopping dusting washing everything down with that purple water that febrile so or something like that I don't know that ain't from America that stuff is bonafide that gets off third-world dirt like you got a you got a cholera outbreak you get that pepper oh so Jack that stuff cleans everything Sun it like Punk's out mr. clean like he's a [ __ ] okay that family so is the real deal I'll go defend toss them away I taught it in ghost water all right because that's what it does it just it's a middle strip paint man if you let it set on there too long and these old ladies are cleaning everything you're standing the for Michelle your house for why are we moving this is amazing it was our crap that was messing this house up Mexicans are amazingly clean it's funny when I did that joke $1.00 joking and you know I tell people that's where the term [ __ ] and span comes from look it up look it up cuz Mexicans are so clean see see first you think it's gonna be a racial slur then it turns out to be a racial compliment now this prejudice [Applause] we're different people some people will wait in line don't see your line Oh God there is a line Mexican we'll wait in line we don't even know what the lines for la linea changer someone go get in line okay and once you get in you let everyone in yeah come on up they're not gonna catch you come on different people we're not happy for anybody a true Latino is never happy when other people do well our first instinct is negative did you hear rupert got a job at the hospital the marijuana marijuana working at the hospital [ __ ] I'm gonna call up watch hello Hospital groupies I marijuana over that way he'll learn [Applause] my grandmother I learned from my grandma grandma 82 years old everything she says is negative everything grandma hear about Maria what that she's pregnant no she's getting married like I said with blue eyeshadow so you can see it they keep their eyes closed are you gonna go to the wedding I went to the first three I must put tequila Tina shake up for kids getting married now white dress I look like I'm on that white dress a white geminal that right just she should get married a white dress with black sleeves and a hole in the front pocket a Latina but tell her I said hi bring me a plate I saw one [Applause] we never say congratulations you receive people method happy for other people oh god you're awesome congratulations you rock we never say congratulations what do we say awesome I think you're a bad or what that could end my cheat lon let's go kick your ass now go to the Hallmark store look for that card can I help you sir yeah you don't have a night thing you're a bad card like I swear I got sort of guy I bought a you ain't [ __ ] below and you're not one of those you got nothing here we need our own greeting cards we need we need me he got no greeting cards cuz I was that the stores are too happy we don't understand that do you need one that says heard about your new job you open it up don't [ __ ] it up like the last time [Applause] we're taught from the time were kids you get that tough love little babies cry the mothers run over oh my god Caitlin are you chia-chia not much Inger than minute let him cry mija let him cry it's good for his lungs let him cry let him cry turn the music up I don't need to do this [ __ ] turn that milk then they go pick you up toppika toppika bad he's gonna get used to it don't look it up now you [ __ ] my mom now they're gonna want you to hold them and change them number you may as well have another one cause you messed that one up so great it is why Mexican and still I know a white all the white guys my dad is Mexican 100% Mexican Wow no he's his dad is Hungarian but he's my whole family lives in Mexico and my dad said he's not allowed my dad's Mexican said it's holy [ __ ] I didn't speak English when I was 7 8 years old I came here and didn't speak English spoke Spanish now this is why wasn't this on the bio we got what is all and send us a Louie CK bio by the way I am way more Mexican than Carlos Mencia yeah apparently so he's never lived over there I lived in Mexico City live from when I was 1 till I was about seven or eight holy Wow and that's where my grandmother is you got everything all my uncles yeah I hold that side of the family is over there so we go there you know about once a year my dad is like telling me he's a [ __ ] Kennedy I swear to god it just I'm looking at you it makes no sense with Lu is his name counterfeit white man I am very good counterfeit se look at that that is terrific what age would you like you know call me well I don't know I look white white white as it was a [ __ ] identity it's not a real identity I have nothing in common with other European white people but I mean at what point did you go whole I'm not fighting from to be Mexican anymore like I'm not fighting for this whole Mexican thing what do you mean fighting for it Alamo what the [ __ ] speaking English you're Mexican you feel Mexican yeah what point did you go I'm now wide-eyed well the thing is I was white in Mexico here's the thing that people don't understand is Mexico is just like America it's made up of some black people and some white people and brown people the only difference is they didn't genocide they're Indians as well as we didn't yeah and the United States got that job done yeah so they that's why the face of a Mexican the most people and also Mexicans you meet Mexicans that look like me all the time but you don't know they're Mexican when you're meet in the back only the brown guys know things all the time you probably do I probably do people say I live in LA for the last five years some people say Mexicans to me all the time all because they don't know I'm Mexican you go yeah blue egos I agree yeah those Mexicans my Mexican grandmother whose family has been there since sometime in the mid 1800s there are Spaniards that came over or you're on Europeans that came over to Mexico and their key that's only like a hair thing really not a hair and skin thing because it was always good to be like that lighter thing growing up you know I mean and then you have the white dream that's exactly right because I look like part of it is that anybody who's black you can almost guarantee their family's been here longer than anybody oh hell yeah because everybody was white just guy here black people have been they built the country seven four three and 16 under country for free and now they can why do they do this to us who would have thought that you're always telling me on reparations I want to give you some [ __ ] money yeah but see my thing is Mexican man to make you [ __ ] see that's what you did my thing though is this Lee show but it got to this point where we're calling him a turkey we're gonna give blacks reparations they should have to be slaves again like if we're gonna pay basically were paying them for this slave right then they should they should accept the slavers gonna wash like is ckn offset of some son Aryan my grandfather's name from history

Channel: undefined

Views: 736,300

Rating: 4.8474813 out of 5

Keywords: comedians on mexicans, comedy, stand up comedy, ralphie may mexicans, louis ck mexican, comedians, george lopez mexican relatives, andrew schulz mexicans, funniest jokes on mexicans, hilarious, jokes, funny, best, stand up, laugh planet, 2020, part 1

Id: tuFxDrzBT4Q

Length: 14min 53sec (893 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 11 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/MarcoCadenas]

Los mujicanos? Todo es culpa de estos pendejos del poder. De hecho me gusta, lastima que exista un poco mas de comprar de todo, la falla 🙂.

[u/Hastur082]

El chiste de las pirámides me hizo reír cañón

[u/imarobot-]

Marrano.