Chester Bennington - In His Own Words

I spit when I speak death Mac that is me and monomyth Chester life is so weird yeah you know I mean there are like they're like periods of time where I feel like I've got it like all my stuff together you know you mean like and then there are periods of time where I'm just like I am such a failure to everything and I just like I can't do anything right like I'm horrible dad I'm a horrible husband you know I'm just like and it's funny but like this is what's great about being a dad yeah it's like when you're around your kids like none of that stuff matters right it's when you start to like when I start to project my adult stuff onto my kids that's when I'm like I finally I realized I'm like I'm kind of being a jerk yeah you know and like or even like just like being a jerk to my wife or whatever it's like I need to step back and and I start to like you know talk to my kid about his feelings and stuff and like we've been counting our blessings at night and it's like little things like that like yeah yeah it was like you were just like how today we're like even though you should be happy like everything's just bad and I'm just like yeah buddy they have like he's like yeah these I'm having one of those days well let's focus on like you know maybe we should think about all the things that we do have right it's really great because in sometimes we get caught up on the one thing that's bad it's like I'm the kind of guy this is me on stage there's 30,000 people like going up going yeah I see the one dude who's just like I hate yeah but and I'm like why and I have to all my attention goes to that one little saw yeah you know and like there's all this great stuff going on and like I'm not even paying attention to but I think a lot of a lot of incredibly high achieving high functioning people are like that if you're not that way it's very easy to kind of get caught up into believing all the positive then you almost you get lethargic you don't want to push too well as a competitor it's yeah as a competitive person I see the person in the crowd and I go why aren't you liking this and what do I have to do yeah you know and how do i how do I win yeah right and but when you do that with everything else in life it's not really gonna be that way with a - yeah husband and so so it's it's really strange but something as simple as going you know man I know you really wanted that balloon and it popped but you know there's a whole bag over here this like of balloons that you can have and it's like you know we start talking like that with your kids they start to realize like okay there's other things and yeah and all of a sudden like mixing you know like every night we're doing we're counting our blessings and you know it helps you it's really caused me to kind of look at the life a little differently because I'm kind of focused on these like very specific problems and I kind of you know and they become everything and and it's fun to you know be a dad and just kind of like remove yourself from that and just focus on your kids and somehow it relates to the things that go on in your own life and you know you know kind of like fathering yourself or kind of like raising yourself with your kids because you kind of realize like I can't be the guy I'm with my friends with my kids yeah you don't mean like I have to be a dad and so you have you know as a dad you kind of have to just be a man and you find the time to do these things you have to do and be the person you have to be because that's what you're supposed to do chesta you you hit a point where you needed to really take stock of where you're at what what was going on for you well I think for me the success of the band was never really the thing that was the problem for me I mean a lot of my stuff I was carrying around for a long time and then it was also like the relationship uh you know honestly between my ex-wife and I at the time really played a huge role in kind of how I the world and kind of how I iced occluded myself in a lot of ways from people because you just when you when you're when you're home life is so weird you kind of don't want people to see a lot of it so you can I you know you just let people see a little bit of it but when you do that you kind of find yourself really not knowing who you are and I knew that it got to a point where the person that I was that I knew who I was in my mind and in my soul I wasn't being that person outwardly in the world and so that kind of [ __ ] with you a little bit so I think for me you know it was more of a personal spiritual journey as opposed to like how am I gonna how am i reacting to the success of what I love to do and that's when everything else caught up at the same time so the stuff that I was carrying from my childhood with that coupled with probably the fact that I was successful and I could kind of disappear for a while you know I think that was a perfect combination for a lot of things were I needed to you know reevaluate how I wanted to live my life you said the band came and helped me out and be you know I got rid of a lot of things and replaced a lot of things with some I think that was really important was I'm good with some good people around me in good positive experiences that weren't just the band a lot of people find as they get older that they have trauma from their past and that things that are happening today can trigger that trauma you talk about your divorce once that was triggered for you I mean a lot of bands go through addiction and problems like that and once you realize that that's what you were in and your friends are coming to you saying hey you're a friend you're not just the singer in the band how can we how can we participate and help you yeah I'm yes that music had a lot to do with that well I think for me music was always the one thing that I enjoyed the most of it about life it was the one thing that was consistently especially in this group consistently paying off so you'd put the time into communication you put time in the work and then you'd get the fruit of that and everyone was kind of moving in sync so when you have something that's moving in sync and then you remove yourself from that and then go into the rest of your day and it's not in sync it becomes really frustrating and so in many ways gears were clicking on really high levels but for me things just weren't really moving and every other aspect of my life moving in the same direction and so it was a transition transitional period when we were making minutes to midnight not only were transitioning as artists and going we were you know we're working with Rick Rubin but we're all you know and we're ready to go make a record that doesn't sound anything like what people are gonna expect and it's gonna be risky but it was also like okay I'm going to know like now go work on enjoying the rest of the life mmm outside of making music so did you know it was good that the band took a really long time to like kind of experiment and play for me personally because it gave me a chance to like come in and be productive and be able to go away and be productive and then come in and be productive and go away and all of a sudden it was like started coming around and it was like oh crap like we don't think the guys ever even really knew who I was as a person up to that point because I was just like a mess I was just kind of surviving and so it was really a fun time for the band even though it was very difficult time I think it was a really inspiring time and it was a really it was where we went from being for me was like I want to be friends with you guys but I really know you guys and it was like nine months you know a year later we were signed and two years later we've got like the biggest debut one of the biggest debuts of all time I I tend to have a hard time with life on life's terms you know I am uncomfortable in all scenarios like if I'm happy I want to get out of it if I'm sad I want to get out of it if I'm just like blah I want to get out of it and where are you where are ya but I work at well I'm comfortable I'd have to do a constant evaluation and work like I've got to always be on my toes I'm like stay ahead of the beast right now and if I do that and I get and I'm helping other people and I'm being of service to people and I'm productive with my job and I'm helping my family in my wot and I'm being a good husband like if I'm not sitting in like this is someone said this is a bad neighborhood like this is a bad neighborhood for me right and so I try to get out of there as much as possible and I'm not gonna doing that I tend to be pretty good so you know all of our songs started with these conversations like what's going on in your life like how are you feeling today like you know tell me about what's happening at home or what's happening with your family or whatever end and that's kind of been the inspiration for this record it's kind of like you know all the stuff that we've been through the last couple years I mean imagine there some people can probably not imagine this and actually relate to it but imagine being like really active doing what you love we were like on tour we are having a great time the band was performing really well and then not being able to even do anything by yourself like you can't shower you can't lay in bed you can't get up and get a snack like you can't [ __ ] do anything for months mmm you have to have somebody with you 24 hours a day to help you do the most mundane things like I need help to go brush my teeth I need help to go to the bathroom I need help to sit down I need help to be just sitting here like it's it was so it sucked and and so that was really tough so I was really you know and then but luckily for me it wasn't my first injury and also Dave challenged me to a marathon right after I broke it like the day after I broke it and had my first surgery was like hey you want to run a marathon in seven months and I was like sure why not so that gave me like that gave me some fuel to like get up and do things so you know I broke it in January on August the beginning of I mean a big beginning of April I would not tour with STP and started doing shows on it so it was it was hard but it was also like just beat it into submission so I can get my life back all these things were going on and it just inspired all these really great songs all these really intimate moments and it was just one after another after another after another after another next thing you know buddy got like 40 songs some of them were a little bit more kind of funky some of them like a little bit more a little bit more lighthearted but ultimately the majority of them felt almost like this record and we were just like I guess this is the kind of record we're making you know I guess this is what we're doing right now let's make the sounds really fun let's build the tracks and make the music as interesting as possible because the lyrics and the melodies are so ah you know and so it was really like it was like this really fun interesting experience and at the end of it I mean I'm was like the world when we started this and now I'm like I love you I'm looking outside like my car so cool you know it's like it's crazy but it's not one of these like manic episodes where it's like you know I'm a crab you know it's like it's like legitimate there's more peace there's more of like a kind of like a quiet and it's because I've earned that I've worked for it and and I have tools and like everybody's earned it everybody we're all really happy we're all really stoked about what we created we're stoked about how we've grown as a band and his friends and I think that making this record and the way that we did was not only great for us creatively but it was also great for us as people too we felt like we needed to do something and give back I hold on really quick sorry you know when the kids come up and when a hug is you better stop gets that so anyways yeah the fact that Hybrid Theory one that we got signed we even made the record that we even got it out like weed the fight for that thing man like it was like it got ugly at some points this is what this is gonna be like there's like one point I think we were all just kind of I hope they [ __ ] drop us then we can just continue to be ourselves and not have these idiots [ __ ] telling us to kick a shoe off and that was one of the gimmicks they suggest like just every every show like you could kick shoes off and that gear thing like Joe and a [ __ ] chemistry set with beakers and it could be the people going when are you going to shut the [ __ ] up and leave like are you seriously like what do you do where did you come from and why do you think you can come into our band and tell us what we're making we make the record look [ __ ] care how many albums you watched somebody else make this is Chester's inner inner sixteen-year-old this thing when we made hybrid 3 was like we don't care we are making the music and we don't care about what you've observed somebody else do in your career you didn't make anything why are you in here telling us how to make something like seriously like I just have this to put this out there as a society I think we're you know there's a lot of things we do that are kind of ridiculous you know and I think that like telling people who they are allowed to be married to and who they can't be like in love with or whatever like if five people want to be married to each other does it really matter you really care I care not only affect your life I don't understand the anti stable section manager or even freedom to marry I don't understand that all things though I I mean it spreads to so many different things it's like I see people they're like why do you put those things in your ears it's like well because I like them and you don't have to and that's what's so cool about it like you know same with like marriage it's like your life it's like who cares yeah like seriously like who really cares a lot of people who get have concerns about how other people live their lives stop what about my soul or whatever it is you're worried about that's not yours that's mine like just leave it alone most of those people are not married think you know if this had been written if we'd started writing in 2015 when I was when I personally was just like [ __ ] the world it would have been there like totally singing songs about [ __ ] the world like you know like I remember I had I still have lyrics in my phone like one of the songs is called I hate the world right now and that's literally like the punchline of my that was the whole chorus you mean and like you know the lyrics like I want to punch a hole through the ceiling you know what I mean like that was where I was that and then you know you get I got through that part and then I got through another part and then I got and then it was talking about how I where I was at after all of those emotions and kind of like dealing with that so it really is a good representation of of where we are now as it goes to anything else yeah and then finally little question because my times up but so if there was silver lining about 2015 for you now no I [ __ ] hate that [ __ ] 2015 at home and then and then 2016 there's a silver lining but still [ __ ] 2016 somebody said something like a couple weeks ago that really resonated with me perspective is everything yeah and it's the difference between going through an ordeal or going through an adventure right you know what I mean and you can have two people experiencing the exact same thing you know going out on jet skis in the ocean and you know all of a sudden that goes from oh it's uh need a crazy stormy day and they come in and one person says it was the worst day of my life and I never want to experience that again and another guy's like that was the best I can't wait to do that again yeah well never I'll never have a jet ski trip that was as exciting as that you know you know I've been ever since I had my my my accident with my back yeah I really you know I was sitting on the floor with my legs crossed and leaned forward and it was like my pelvis just sink you know exploded well dr. Drew's exploded many women's pelvises anything it's horrible to have your pelvis explode yeah that's bad I mean in unfortunate and you know I was like okay I think I really need to start paying attention to what I'm doing not only just like taking care of myself like mentally but I was like you know I kind of feel bad all the time yeah yeah and in your industry that's not a good way to be and and in doing the shows and not taking care of myself like it just you know it was like I mean I kind of feel bad all the time and now I actually feel great all the time yeah and like I have like all this energy and like you know when I'm when I don't feel good it's because I'm sore because I worked out really hard and it's like I love that yeah you know like you know and so that's that's kind of where I'm at right now it's really it's really it's fun all the tracks on the record are actually related to either very specific people or situations that surround the people that are closest to us and I know for me like personally having heavy was really more of a reflection on myself when I was writing it because I I was like you know it like this I feel like this sometimes I feel like I could kind of you know at the time when we were writing heavy I was like I did not like my mind at that point I was like I was kind of stuck in a little something funky and so yeah but I mean the whole record literally was written you know from conversations we were having with each other about our lives and the people that are in our lives and and yeah so I'm not going to name names you know like Mike or or Joe but some of the songs may have been about micro Joe funny Mike is I was I just had a conversation with Bill I think it was like last night that Crazy Horse you guys read his to his Twitter his tweet today what a weird life I was it [ __ ] Crazy Horse with Kevin Spacey last night it was awesome and I and I realized my zipper was down and I was like last night yeah it's like dude this has been happening now here's a funny thing at least like once a week for like the last like I don't know it seems like forever I'm like what's going on with my brain that I'm just like I'm not gonna finish putting my face funny it's like that's the type of thing where people eventually we were like oh it's kind of like I think that's his news fame I think he's like trying to start a trend you know people don't take the thing after their bomber jackets and I don't I don't dip up my pants like I got dope underwear you know what I mean like that's cool to look at yeah so anyway so when you guys so here I am like yeah we're doing like this whole thing like on camera or whatever like for all these people and like my I got my belt on and my zipper down yeah whatever so funny I was down doing Jimmy Kimmel with dead by Sunrise and I was down in the crowd and I was singing and this girl took her hand four fingers stuck them up to the grease in the palm into my mouth all for just deep into my mouth and then I was like oh who does the head like I was like one I'm singing on television - I'm singing three a microphone in my hand and I'm singing on television what are you doing even if I wasn't like what would you think hey how you doing oh [ __ ] he's mouth and then later on she flashed me and she had hairy wolf nipples this is true for real they had teeth and eyes they were like we're titties he was horrifying my god that light is just like a microwave dude I feel like I'm gonna I need sunblock well the last record I mean I wish we could have turned it toward more for it I feel like it kind of got I was kind of let down that personally because I broke my leg like right when we put the record out and like that kind of just threw off the entire year of 2015 and after that so for me it was just kind of like yay we put this awesome record out like we're suit it was super fun to make it like let's go tore up never mind mmm let me just go have surgeries instead so it was kind of like a bummer for me at the same time I feel like we did do it as much as we possibly could given the circumstances and we had a lot of fun doing it so you know I think it was really for me it was just really like I'm excited to get back in and start doing and just go make another record and get back out on tour and well being injured and your mobility is then limited did you write a lot did you think about music a lot about new material no okay I was [ __ ] pissed okay shape like it was like it was more than just like a broken leg like it was like it kind of broke broken life this is broke a little bit of broken spirit yeah it's kind of sad and I think that actually like did work its way into one more light like a lot of the residual you know just stress you know speaking of one more light we could use one less light that one that thing is gonna explode and like burn this building down my microphone but feels like it's been in the oven is the hottest microphone I asked we'll see if they like in heavy for example that songs about being you know stuck in a in a pattern of behavior or a pattern of thought it's like this most I don't know about you guys but most of my suffering comes from what happens inside my head it has nothing to do with anything else you know and you know nobody can save me obviously the title says it all you know there's all these different songs about this struggle and I think battle symphony it at least for me is what is the track where it's like you know what the life is tough and like I don't know I don't have all the answers but and I'm and I'm kind of broke in but I'm gonna pick the pieces up I'm gonna put him back together and I'm gonna and I'm gonna I'm gonna fight you know I'm gonna fight for my sanity for the for my relationships for my for my lust for life for you know just anything like being able to take on life on life's terms and and that's for me that's what that song kind of represents we can do it album thank you dude you're such a diva you earned it that's right you know you are people turn lights off you could cook an egg on my head right now this summer round we actually started the process with like having a conversation about today like what's going on with your life it just depends on how I look at it at the end of the day like you know some years I have a better perspective than others and so yeah like 2015 was a really or leader for me 2016 not the best but it was getting better 2017 [ __ ] kicking ass I know it for me like I get in a place where you know when I'm stuck up in here it's it's all I can think about you know and whatever that thought process is whether it's a negative thought process where it's a depressive thought process or fear or whatever I kind of get stuck there and it's not - that moment where I kind of separate and and take a look at it where I can actually do something about it we were gonna come out and play happy first but in light of our dear friend Chris Cornell passing away we decided to play our song one more light in honor of him I was thinking like just yesterday like we played a show a televised show and we were going to play we were we were booked to play the show so that we could promote ironist single heavy and play that song and then we heard the news about Chris Cornell and had a little powwow in the dressing room before we went on and we said you know the the thing that's good for the band to do is to play heavy but the right thing to do is play one more light because it's about the loss of a friend and it's a it's one of the most important songs on the record and it may never be a single but it's just an important song and it's the right song to play so that's what we ended up doing well when we were when we were doing a soundcheck Chester couldn't even make it through the song he was getting halfway through and getting choked up and even when we did play the whole song and it was live on TV or taped for to film for TV he he'd kind of just stopped like towards the end like he missed the last couple lines of it just couldn't finish the song [Music] fans were crying in the audience and it was I think it was cathartic I came he was good because as we like the message of the song I think the reason is the message of the song is when you're dealing with something so deep as as you know losing a friend or some in this case even just somebody you admire somebody you look up to when we were talking about some of these fans in the audience one of the things that I think you can do is to reach out to people and offer them like like like community like let them know like we're we're a family we're a community like we care about each other even you know whether it's your it's the the a friend who's lost somebody or your family member whatever like to reach out and let them know even that that you're thinking about them is sometimes like sometimes that's enough

Channel: Avanas

Views: 341,579

Keywords: linkin park, chester bennington, happy birthday, interview, compilation, makechesterproud, depression, mental health, documentary

Id: MooHQuRCh1o

Length: 29min 15sec (1755 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 21 2020