This video has been very kindly sponsored by Squarespace. (shuffling) (dishes rattling) (mugs clank) (shuffling) I, uh... Just hit... I just hit a 100K on Instagram. (deep breath) I don't know. I'm... I don't know what to feel. That's so many people! - [Connor] Clout! (Cheyenne laughs) - [Connor] Clout!
Clout! (Connor laughs) Oh my god. That is so many people. - [Connor] If you could tell 100 thousand people something, what would you tell them? [Cheyenne] Please by nice to each other.
(Connor laughs) - [Connor] Come on, guys! [Cheyenne] Please be nice to each other but also don't hesitate to be rude to Nazis! They are exempt! If someone is being racist or homophobic or transphobic or just being a huge dick, they don't deserve your niceties. Fuck 'em! That's what I would say. (softly bouncing music) (paintbrushes rustling) - [Cheyenne Voiceover] Hi friends, hello. Uh ... Welcome to a voiceover. (chuckles) That we're doing 'cause basically I just recorded... I think two days worth of drawing or painting in my sketchbook. And I wanted to chat with y'all and catch up for a spell. How y'all been? Have you been well? I uh -- My brain has also (chuckles) I call it the -- I guess it's the "working from home during a plague" cycle. Where you kinda just go through moods. And I'm at the point in the cycle where my brain feels especially vacant. So I'm sorry if this voiceover is a bit disjointed. But you know what? We're here together, we're in this together.
(chuckles) I love you and we're gonna just -- we're just gonna talk our way through it. So! Um... This is actually a... This particular piece is actually a redraw of a old... of an older piece that I had done in my sketchbook. I drew it in December but then I ended up painting it in March. So stylistically it looks like what my style looked like six months ago. And I've been feeling really weird about my art. I've been feeling very strange and disconnected from it. In a way, I guess. So I was like, "You know what? Why don't I give this another go?" And so I did. And I think that, honestly, I captured the feeling that I was going for in that previous painting. I think I captured it a lot better here. I did also want to try underpainting again. Which is where you basically -- Also! Sorry I forgot to film me painting the hair and clothes and things but they were just flat washes and so I didn't think they'd be terribly interesting. But yeah, sorry. I just forgot to film them. (deep breath) I... Oh what was I saying? So basically where you do a wash of a color underneath the gouache. I think it's definitely more apparent on my older piece that I did. But I think that you can still tell that it warms up the blue a little bit. But then I layered other blues on top of it so maybe it just all (sigh) went away. Regardless, I'm much happier with this piece then I am with my previous one. Mind you, my previous one was definitely more -- a bit like... less carefully executed. I feel like I put a lot more time and care into this one. But it's cool to see how my style has progressed over the past six months. Even in ways that I don't think because... (deep breath) Like I said, basically since lock-down started I've just had a very hard time... I've just had a very hard time making things. So it was -- So as a result I've been feeling very I've been feeling very insecure about my artwork and I've been feeling very (deep breath) Awkward and clumsy and strange. You know, I think that before I painted this -- I only just posted this on my Instagram two days ago from when I'm recording this voiceover. But before then it's been like a month since I posted on Instagram and (deep breath) I've just had a very hard time making things because I've also been... I've been insecure and unsure about where I want my career to go as whole... In the grand scheme of things. But then I talk with my therapist and I'm like, "I have a hard time planning for -- planning months or years in advance when everything is so up in the air right now. And so I'm just trying to take it a month at a time. Keep my goals pretty small and immediate instead of getting too lofty and unreasonable. And I may be thinking that I can think about my career trajectory a little clearer when things settle down. That's what I'm telling myself, at least. But making this painting was very useful and very helpful for me. It felt good to better execute a piece that I hadn't -- felt like I hadn't -- I didn't do justice the first time around. And I've been trying -- I've been drawn to -- I've been wanting to, like, basically just kind of (sigh) Sort of -- I guess not really break out of my comfort zone because I'm still drawing things that I enjoy drawing but I think that I've been trying to get a little more experimental with colors. And I've been trying to try new things in terms of the way I draw bodies because I feel like my work has been very lifeless lately. And so drawing this was a huge kind of relief. To realize that that's not necessarily the case. And the limbs are all noodle-y and I really love the composition of it. I'm so happy with the colors. I think the colors are, frankly, perfect. I'm very happy with how they turned out. I got a couple new -- I treated myself to some new gouache colors. I used "Coral Red" in this painting, for the red on the shirt and the red in the rainbow. It's a very good color. (stumbling over words) I also treated myself to "Deep Yellow" which is that really pretty golden butter yellow. Good purchases on my part 'cause it's very -- it's very hard to buy paints and things when you can't see them in person. So I was just, kind of, guessing and I'm glad that those two are good. 'Cause I got another one that ended up being a neon green which is not the type of green that I was after, but I was like, "You know what? Maybe I can make this work." I think that I actually use it in a painting that I do later in this video. And it does not work for that. But I want to find a time where I can use this very bright fluorescent green color, I also got myself some colored pencils. I also got some wax pastels. They're water soluble. I also have a couple water soluble colored pencils. I'm finding that I really like water soluble colored pencils for doing washes of backgrounds. That's what I used to do the background wash on this thing. I find it very... I find it very useful. 'Cause it means that I don't have to break out my watercolors. I can just use my paintbrush and -- I don't know, I just like it. I'm trying to -- I feel -- I love watching "Draw with Me"s and "Studio Vlogs" and everything on YouTube but I tend to get hardcore impostor syndrome. Just because other artists' processes and... I don't know... practices differ, greatly, from my own. And so I automatically think that I am lacking or that I'm doing something wrong or something about my process is weird or could be better. And I'm trying to just, sort of (deep breath) embrace my process in whatever way it is. And I'm trying to no overthink my work. Like with this one, I like that some of it is lined in black and then some of it isn't. I think it adds enough definition and balance to the piece. I'm like -- (stumbles over words) I'm so happy with how this painting turned out. (chuckles) I almost wish it wasn't a sketchbook painting because I kind of want to -- Ooh! So this is the one that I did back in 2019. And then this is the new one. So you can kind of see the little -- You can see the shift. The last one feels a little stiffer and I feel like this one captures that cozy, happy, dreamy feeling that I was really going for. Now this piece goes so badly. (chuckles) This is something that I was doodling in my journal because, again, talking about that "Working from home quarantine brain cycle." I was essentially at a point where it felt like my brain was covered by a thick, dense cloud but at the same time had been clocked by a sledgehammer. That's how I put it on Twitter. And so I was like, "How can I... kind of convey this feeling?" And so I had the idea of someone holding up the weight of their head in the clouds. I don't know. I doodled it in my journal and I really liked it and so I wanted to turn it into a small painting. I gotta say, the colors on -- Again, I was trying to be fun and experimental with my colors It did not go --
(laughs) It did not go well. I wish that it had but alas. So I used wax pastels and water soluble pencils to do the background wash. I really love the texture of the background wash. I think that's also why I like using water soluble pencils. 'Cause I like that you get to keep the texture. That the wash isn't totally even. I'm a big fan of that. I love the idea of this piece but the execution of it is not good. I also -- I think that this purple for the skin tone... So I've really been inspired by Sophie McPike's work. @sophiemcpike on Instagram. She does the most colorful, curvy, wonderful portraits of femme bodies. And just looking at them -- her colors are incredible and I love her proportions and just how -- I feel like her work blooms. I feel like every single piece she does literally blooms off of my phone whenever I look at her art. So I was like, "I want to use a nontraditional skin tone and I wish that I hadn't chosen this purple because it's not a good purple and I think that its probably because it doesn't go with the yellow and it doesn't really go with the pink because its too close in hue to the pink. (deep breath) I think that if I had used a blue... I think that if I had used a cobalt blue it probably would have worked better now that i'm thinking about it. Oh yeah! And then on the shirt I tried to do some plaid... thing? It did not (laughs) go well as you can see. I'm trying to use that neon green. I don't know what I was thinking. I think I was just dreaming that it might work. I'm also realizing that... I don't really like using pencils for outlines. I really want to but I'm such a big fan of clean... Clean black line art. Sometimes I like using pencils I guess but... I don't know. I'm very wishy-washy when it comes to colored line art. I'm trying to... I'm trying too... I think why doing this piece was valuable is that because I did learn some things about myself. I learned things not to do and I learned about my process. And I think that... In terms of -- I've been really scared to play around with my work because, again, I'm so scared of making bad art. I talked about this with my therapist on Monday too but it's like -- I always give the advice to folks where it's like, "You have to make peace with the fact that you're gonna make bad art. You have to make bad art before you make good art. Which is, I think, the reason why I'm so scared of breaking out of my comfort zone. Because I'm terrified of making bad art. Because I'm terrified of being bad. Because I have crippling perfectionism, I guess. And I am trying, now, to sort of... Make just... Really, honestly and truly be like, "Hey, if you want to grow in the ways that you want to grow in your art, you've gotta make some ugly stuff." I save so many photos on Instagram. I save so many photos on Pinterest of things that I want to draw and there are things that I don't draw very often. Like environments and rooms and landscapes. And I think that because in my brain -- I think it's like I have a hard time figuring out how to stylize them. I'm not -- I really don't like crossing that gap of making bad stuff until I figure out how I want to stylize something to make it my own. I get very uncomfy with that. But the only way to cross that gap is to make more work It's very (laugh) frustrating. So I think...
(sigh) So I think that this piece was a good first step. Also you can see me painting over it just because I was so dissatisfied with the color. I ended up coloring over it with a blue colored pencil. So it looked a little bit better but, again, the colors were just not -- I also really need -- I guess I need to work on my understanding of hue and values and stuff. Connor and I were out on a walk through the park the other day and I was just looking at the way that the different kinds of greens all play against each other. And even though they're all so different, they all work together with this incredible, innate balance. Colors are so beautiful and they don't even have to try. It's very frustrating. And it's hard to recapture that. This is from, I think, then next day. I spent like four hours sat at our kitchen table just drawing my little heart out. Usually, when I first draw for the day, I will just doddle with an ink pen because I find it helps loosen me up and not think too hard about things. And again, I'm a really big fan of cool line work And I find that, a lot of the time, the styles that I'm really drawn to -- Or the styles that I've been drawn to lately have really incredible line work. And so I think working with just straight-up ink helps me kind of enjoy that that a little bit more. It also means I don't have to think too hard about things. Because the great thing about pen is that you cant erase it. And I find that when I draw with a pencil I get really finicky about how things are turning out. So I usually like to warm up by just doodling with a favorite pen or something. I want to learn -- And now I'm thinking about -- Who is it? I think I'm thinking of Nina Cosford. She does the most beautiful building illustrations. And they're all kind of crooked and lean-y. And wonderful. So, like I said, I really liked this idea that I had of the person holding their head up in the clouds but I was so dissatisfied with the execution from the day before. Where I was like, "We're trying it again folks. We're gonna do it again. We're gonna figure this out." So instead of using this dark pink watercolor pencil, I just went with my pastel pink wax pastel. Used that to create a bit of a paler pink wash for the background I do with that I hadn't drawn the pencil lines in graphite. I wish that I had drawn them in red Col-Erase. I think it would have made my life a lot easier. but c'est la vie. For some reason I was working with a cheap mechanical pencil this morning. I don't know. I think the thing that I'm struggling with is figuring out how I want to stylize things that I don't know how to draw into my my own style. Again, it's crossing that gap that makes me really uncomfortable. At the same time, I am trying to have grace with myself I have to remember that I'm a baby illustrator. I've only really been doing this, with a focused effort, for just over two years. And so I'm trying to be-- When I think about it like that, it's honestly wild how much my style has changed in the last two years. (stumbles over words) I found photos of the first sticker that I had in my shop and i was like, "My god I've improved and thank goodness for that." (chuckles) But I think that I'm trying to walk this line between being stern with myself in terms of growth and discipline and improvement and all of the things, While also trying to remain kind and having compassion for myself. And that is a line I have a very hard time walking because I'm definitely, kind of, an all-or-nothing person. And so I am trying to... be firm and resolute on... Things I need to change while also not beating myself up during the process. And that is very hard for me. That's definitely one of my weaknesses. Again, I go over this with the red pencil and then I end up going over it again with the black fine liner. Because I just love black lines. I just do. I'm just a fan. Yeah... Yeah. That's what I've been thinking about. I've just been kind of -- I've just been sort of... Bogged down by creating so working on these sketchbook pages was actually super freeing. And I was like, "Oh! I'm not (chuckles) I'm not a" -- Unlike my career, my art isn't a total wash. I'm still --
(chuckles) I still have skill I still have potential. I can still realize things that I have in my head -- I also just -- Again, this one the face is tilted a little bit more I think it captures the expression that I was going for better. And I'm also just a really big fan of doing little arch type backgrounds. I don't know what it is but I really like them.
(chuckles) So I'm sorry if they annoy you. They annoy me a little bit because I just keep defaulting to them. But I just really like them. I like how they look. They look like romantic little windows. And I thinks it's a fun background shape. Regardless, these are the things that i have been thinking about. I am just... Yeah. So trying to move forward, trying to be kind, trying to be stern. Trying to find the balance. We're always trying to find the balance. Look how much better these colors are! you can't go wrong with primary --
(laughs) You cant go wrong with primary colors, folks. You really cant. Um... Yeah. Besides just speculating and contemplating, my art -- with a capital A -- In a big sense of the word... I've just been playing a lot of video games. I've been playing so many video games. Not so many but I've been putting a lot of hours into them. (chuckles) Because my Animal Crossing town, which I will be doing a stream or tour of at some point -- I'm pretty satisfied with my Animal Crossing town and so I usually only play it for 20 minutes, half an hour a day to check in on stuff. And then I've been putting my time into Nier: Automata which my friend Aldi got me for Christmas, which is buck wild, let me tell you. And then I've been playing Persona 5 Royal because I've already put 200 hours into Persona 5, so why not put another hundred into Persona 5: Royal with all the new extra content. Oh my gosh, it's so cute! I love the little wavy lines for the background texture too. I think that looks awesome. I'm very very happy with this. You're actually gonna see -- I think here, in a moment -- I don't know why, I just love this yellow. This yellow's so buttery. So I just wanted to keep painting with it. It's so dreamy. I was also thinking about painting that rose at the bottom That I sketched out in pencil. Definitely did not end up doing that. But that's okay. I also felt that the character was... I guess -- I just wanted them to stand out a little bit more and so I just outlined them in white to help them stand out a little bit more against all the lines in the background. I think that was a good decision on my part. I do love adding little white sparkles. It's very satisfying and I feel likes its always a really nice way to polish a piece, i suppose. I think that this is a much better attempt then the last one. Usually I don't do this.
Usually if something turns out shitty I let it go but look at that! I think that it -- It think-- Yeah, I'm so much happier with the new one. I think that it captures the essence that I was going for way better. And also the colors are leagues ahead. I really do love primary colors, what can I say? Oh my gosh. Okay! That's all I have for you, my friends. Before we go, I want to say a very big thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this video. Thanks, y'all. I appreciate ya so much! I use Squarespace to run my online shop. Have been for almost three years now and I'm a big fan. They have loads of beautiful templates to choose from. You don't need to know code. They have amazing customer service and loads of really powerful E-Commerce tools that you can use to run your shop. I would know because I use them every day. If you have been looking to build a website, start an online store, a blog, what-have-you, you can go to squarespace.com for a free trial to set up said website. And then when you're ready to launch, you can go to squarespace.com/cheyennebarton for 10% off your first purchase. So thank you Squarespace, I appreciate y'all so much. I also want to say thank you to my patrons. You guys are rad and I love you to bits. You're amazing! I think the world of you. Thanks for being here you guys. And thank you so much for watching. I think you're incredible. I hope you're doing well! I hope that your brain isn't too foggy. And if it is, that's okay. Just... I don't know. Make bread or something. (chuckles) I think you are the bees knees. I love you so much. I will talk to you soon. And stay brilliant. Bye!
