Captain America vs the TVA

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(lullaby music) (baby cooing) - All right, Steve. You socked Hitler in the jaw over 200 times. You should be able to bludgeon baby Hitler with a magic hammer one time. Oh boy. This was a lot easier when he had the mustache. Okay, here we go. One, two. (warp portal opens) - Steve Rogers on behalf of the Time Variance Authority, I place you under arrest for crimes against the Sacred Timeline. - I'm sorry, you're with the who, what now? - Take them in for processing. - Wait, this is about that parking ticket. I swear I'll- - Phew. Thought they'd never leave. (gavel slams) - [Judge] Rogers Variant 58008. You are hereby charged with sequence violation 7654. How do you plead? - I'm sorry, ma'am. That was quite a few numbers you rattled off there. What's going on? (exhales heavily) - You almost caused a Nexus event by trying to kill Hitler before his scheduled death. So per TVA procedure, you will be tried and if found guilty, you will be pruned along with the variant timeline. - So if I'm found guilty I'm? - Erased from existence. - Oh. Very fun. Ah! Just by chance has anyone ever been found innocent? - No. Never. - Interesting. Well, at the risk of jeopardizing my own existence, wouldn't it make more sense to just erase the entire timeline immediately instead of wasting a bunch of time and manpower hauling people in here for a mock trial? Seems incredibly inefficient and kind of dumb? - Well, Captain Rogers, I don't make the rules. I just enforce the will of the Time Keepers. - Ah, yes. The three dudes from the moving picture with the uh, robes. - They are far more than that. The Time Keepers are all-knowing benevolent beings who protect and preserve the Sacred Timeline for all life in the universe. - Okay, sure. Sorry. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. So the beings who control the flow of time were cool with us hopscotching around the past to collect the Infinity Stones and defeat Thanos in order to save a ton of lives. But they're not cool with me going to the past and killing an admittedly adorable baby Hitler in order to save a ton of lives? - Precisely. See, when you dealt with Thanos, you returned all of the stones, thereby closing off all the variant timelines. Well, except for one which we are dealing with. But if you were to kill Hitler as a baby, you would be creating an entirely new timeline, well outside the boundaries of the Sacred Timeline. - Okay. Well, how about a compromise? I'll go back and get all the Infinity Stones and then use the gauntlet to bring back everyone Hitler killed in the present. Boom! Everybody wins. Except, you know? Hitler. - Look, Captain Rogers. As tragic as it is, Hitler's rise to power and subsequent atrocities are meant to happen. They're written into the Sacred Timeline as decreed by the Time Keepers. Thanos winning on the other hand was not. Which is why the Time Keepers allowed the Avengers to travel through time. - If that's the case, then why didn't the Time Keepers in all of their wisdom and power just erase all the timelines where Thanos collects the stones and use the one where he doesn't instead? Sure would have saved us a lot of trouble. And Hawkeye had terrible haircut. And by the way, if this timeline is so sacred and perfect, then how come the Time Keepers allow something like the Holocaust to happen in the first place if they could change it with relative ease? And how come certain things are allowed to be changed, but others are locked in time? None of this sounds like the will of wise benevolent beings. It sounds like the whims of a madman or a conqueror or something. - Well. You know. The Time Keepers work in mysterious ways. - Psh. Mysterious my and by proxy America's ass. - Okay. That's enough. Look. I may not know the intricacies of the Time Keepers' plans, but it doesn't matter because I don't need to know. And I don't need to know because while the inner workings of the Time Keepers are still a mystery, their goal is crystal clear. Stop the multiverse from existing so that we can prevent the multiversal war. As long as Nexus events are pruned and there is a single Sacred Timeline, the multiverse can never exist. - Except the multiverse definitely does exist. - I'm sorry, what? - Yeah, it totally exists. My recent work acquaintance, Dr. Strange and his buddies draw their magical energy from the multiverse. And if they have these magical powers, which believe me, they do, it means the multiverse has to exist. And if the multiverse does exist on this supposedly Sacred Timeline, that means that the TVA fails. Maybe you haven't failed yet. Guessing time works a little differently here or something, But at some point on your timeline, the multiverse will be created. And that means that there was nothing that you could, or more importantly, did do to prevent it. And if the TVA is a failure, then this whole endeavor is entirely pointless. All you're doing is jumping around through time committing insane random acts of cruelty for absolutely no reason. - Oh. (beep) - Language. But, yeah. - Okay. Mm-hmm. Yes. Thank you very much for your insights, Captain Rogers. You have given the court lots of things to deliberate on. But in the interest of time, as we have another upcoming Loki variant trial scheduled, I've decided to throw out your case. - Oh, goodie. So I can kill Hitler then? - Well, no. You cannot kill Hitler and you know too much to be sent back to your present. So, I propose we send you back to the forties so you can live out the rest of your natural existence with your beloved Peggy Carter. - Well. You lost me with the can't kill Hitler part, but then you turned it around in the end with the whole Peggy bit. So, I accept. - Just be sure not to create any other Nexus events? - Absolutely. I promise you will neither see, nor hear from me again. Unless Disney needs a little Box Office boost. I mean, unless the Avengers need my help. (retreating footsteps) (door closes) - God, I hate Mondays. - [Carl] Technically, it's both always and never Monday here. - Oh, shut the (beep) up, Carl. - Hey everyone. Thanks for watching. We want to give a big shoutout to Green Chef for sponsoring this video. Green Chef is a USDA certified organic company that makes eating well easy and affordable with plans to fit every kind of lifestyle, including vegan, vegetarian, paleo, and keto. Green Chef's expert chefs design flavorful recipes that go way beyond ordinary substitutions. For example, as a diabetic, I went with the carb conscious option and the salmon with red pepper vinegarette they sent me was delicious, easy to make and catered perfectly to my dietary needs. The ingredients are hand-picked, come pre-measured, perfectly portioned and get delivered right to your door. Recipes are quick and easy with step-by-step instructions, Chef tips and photos to guide you along. So if you're looking to eat better, click the link in the description below, or go to greenchef.us and use the code WARPZONE100 to get $100 off plus free shipping on your first order. Thanks again for watching. We'll see you next time. Bye.
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Channel: The Warp Zone
Views: 1,661,480
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: captain america, tva, loki, marvel, avengers, comedy, sketch comedy, parody, warp zone, the warp zone, warpzone, disney, disney plus, loki disney, loki disney plus, warp zone marvel, loki tva, cap, funny, time variance authority, marvel timeline
Id: jAErc-3WFVM
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 8min 2sec (482 seconds)
Published: Fri Aug 13 2021
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