Can You Change Your Chronic Illness? #gabormate #chronicstress #chronicillness #trauma

I can guarantee you I can guarantee you that any of you here who've had chronic illness of any kind you're going to recognize yourself in this talk completely and 100% and you're going to wonder why didn't anybody say this to me before because in the west when I say the West I mean the dominant Western culture unlike Aboriginal cultures unlike the the traditional medicines of China or India or native Traditions around the world we separate the Mind from the body so we treat only the body unless you have mental illness in which case we still separate the Mind from the body we and the other thing we separate is the individual from the environment as I said to you last night those that were there you can't separate people from their environment people are shaped by the environment and in lifelong in interaction with the environment this how human beings live now let me give you three examples of that why you can't separate people from the environment stuck in a cycle of stress and illness Dr Gabor mate cracks the code on chronic conditions revealing how your behavior might be the missing piece to your health puzzle watch now and discover how to break free and reclaim your well-being but before we proceed please don't forget to like And subscribe to inside Serene your mental fitness channel my work as a family physician uh which I did for 20 years and seven of those years I was also medical coordinator of the paliative Care Unit at Vancouver Hospital looking after terminally ill people people dying of cancer uh neurological diseases and uh so on and what I found in all those years learned all those years what I had not been taught in medical school is that who gets sick and who doesn't is not accidental that uh although we tend to think on cancer and and uh multiple sorosis which I mentioned last night or rumal arthritis or chronic asthma IIs eczema colitis Crohn's disease any number of chronic illnesses is somehow random events that unfortunately and mysteriously strike a person and occasionally we think that we can explain the cause by uh the life uh style of the individual like uh smoking of course and its connection to lung cancer but other than that other than that we think that these diseases are either mysterious and unexplainable misfortunes or they are caused by people's genes and what I found that quite on the contrary that who got sick and who didn't wasn't random and that there were certain identifiable patterns certain personality traits and behavior ways of Behaving that people unwittingly without knowing it unintentionally but they brought the disease on themselves and that wasn't their fault they didn't know what they were doing as you will see but since we talking about caregivers and let me tell you one little fact that and since the book was published which is about 10 years ago now I think or N9 years ago there's been so much more evidence tending in the same direction one bit of evidence about caregivers is that there's a structure at the end of our DNA our chromosomes chromosomes is the strands where our DNA is located in our in the in our cells in the nucleus of our cells and these strands of chromosomes have at the end a structure called a telomere a telome is like the glue at the end of my shoelace to keep the strands from fraying to keep it together when we're born a tel is are a certain L and as we get older gradually gradually they shorten as we age and until the at the end of the uh our life they become unraveled at which point so do we at this stage Dr Gabor explained our DNA blueprint imagine a recipe book maintaining all the instructions for building and maintaining your body this recipe book is your DNA DNA is a long Twisted molecule that carries the genetic information you inherit from your parents chromosomes the packaging this long DNA molecule wouldn't fit neatly inside your cells so it's packaged into structures called chromosomes imagine the recipe book is carefully folded and tucked away on a shelf chromosomes are like the shelves in the recipe book analogy they keep the DNA organized and protected telr the protective caps the ends of chromosomes have special caps called telr these telr are like the plastic tips on shoelaces that prevent fraying they protect the valuable genetic information stored within the chromosomes telr and aging with every cell division telr become a little shorter this shortening is like the natural wear and tear on the shoelace tips as we age our telr become progressively shorter stress and telr shortening Dr mate might have mentioned that chronic stress can accelerate telr shortening imagine the shoelace tips fraying much faster if you constantly Yank on the laces chronic stress might put a similar strain on your Tel the importance shorter telr are associated with an increased risk of various health problems key points telr are protective caps on chromosomes they shorten with age and might shorten faster under chronic stress short telr are linked to an increased risk of health problems note the exact mechanisms by which stress shortens telr are still being researched her doctor's name is Harold his her husband's name is high and and Donna is the second wife the first wife died of breast cancer now Donna the second wife is diagnosed with it and so Donna writes Harold tells me that the lump is small and most surely not in my lymph nodes unlike that of High's first first wife whose cancers had spread Everywhere by the time they found it you're not going to die he reassures me but I'm worried about high I say I won't have the strength to support him and what do you notice her first and automatic thought is how can I support my husband emotionally as I'm dealing with the potentially fatal illness so this compulsive and automatic concern for the needs of others while ignoring your own is a major risk factor for chronic illness the other clippings I will read you are obituaries all from the global male obituaries are fascinating because they tell us not only about the person who died but also about what we as a society value in other people and often what we value in other people is exactly what kills them in the first place you heard the expression the good D young they do and there's reasons for it a lot of you are heaving a sigh of relief okay I don't have to worry about myself then you're saying so but listen to these obituaries this one is a doctor who died age 55 and I'm talking here about people who die before their time this guy dies at age 55 uh Donna's story like revolved around her experience as a caregiver for a chronically ill child this role presumably involved a high level of ongoing stress connecting the dots Dr Gabor mate might have used Donna's story to demonstrate the impact of chronic stress on telr here's the connection chronic caregiving stress Donna's role as a caregiver likely placed her under chronic stress for an extended period accelerated telr shortening Dr Gabor mate might have suggested that Donna's telr might have shortened faster due to the chronic stress of caregiving this could have been based on studies that show a link between stress and telomere shortening cellular aging shorter telr are associated with cellular aging which might increase susceptibility to various health problems overall Dr Gabor mate likely used Donna's story as a relatable example of how chronic stress in this case caregiving stress could potentially accelerate cellular AG ing at the telr level it's important to note that this is likely an anecdotal example used to illustrate a concept there might not have been a direct comparison of Donna's telome length to a control group while stress can impact telome length it's not the sole Factor genetics and other lifestyle factors also play a role the takeaway Dr Gabor mate's point is that chronic stress can have a significant impact on our health Donna's story serves as a reminder of the potential cellular consequences of chronic stress it actually suppresses the immune system for reasons that I will tell you later so there's basically um three ways of dealing with anger one is to repress it like this woman did so these are the people that are always nice you know they're always nice I worry about really nice people the other ways to give into it and to act it OD to to go into rages that's also unhealthy the first the repression of anger leads to autoimmune disease and cancer the when you're raging all the time that increases your risk of heart disease and strokes so in the aftermath the Studies have shown that in the aftermath of a rage episode your risk of a heart attack doubles for the next two hours then there is the health of expression of anger or the healthy processing of anger which most of us don't know how to do we either do the one or we do the other I'll talk to you about healthy anger later but how do we deal with anger uh is is has a crucial effect on our health and uh this guy writes you know she had no ego she just Blended him with the environment in an unassuming Manner and this is supposed to be a good thing now my wife's name is Ry and she's an artist and it's one of her paintings that provided the detail here on on the cover and the color scheme for the cover for this book and sometimes I say to you know we' married 42 years I why can't you blend in with the environment in a in an unassuming ma in an unassuming matter but Reay has done her psychological work and she's read my book and she's also seen the studies you know there was a study just four or five years ago presented an AM medical conference they looked at 1,700 women over a 10year period and over a 10year period out of these women those who who were unhappily married and suppressed their feelings were four times as likely to die as those Dr Gabor mate highlights the connection between suppressing emotions and chronic stress here's a breakdown of why this might be the case using relatable examples the body's stress response imagine your body has a built-in alarm system when you encounter a threat this alarm triggers a stress response releasing hormones like cortisol to prepare you to fight or flee once the threat is gone the alarm should deactivate and your body should return to a relaxed State suppression versus expression expressing emotions when you experience emotions like anger sadness or fear a natural response is to express them in a healthy way talking to a friend journaling or engaging in physical activity can help you release the pent up energy associated with these emotions this allows your body's stress response to deactivate and return to a balanced State suppressing emotions when you try to push down your emotions the body's stress response might remain partially activated it's like hitting the snooze button on your alarm the threat your emotions might still feel present keeping your body in a state of fight or flight iic stress and consequences constant low-grade activation imagine the alarm system constantly buzzing faintly in the background this is what chronic stress feels like on a cellular level when emotions are suppressed this low-grade stress response can eventually lead to physical and mental health problems like high blood pressure weakened immune system anxiety depression Dr Gabor M discussed someone who suppresses their anxiety before a big presentation the body releases stress hor hormones to prepare for the perceived threat of the presentation suppressing the anxiety keeps the stress response partially activated potentially leading to physical symptoms like a rasing heart or sweaty Palms perhaps he presented a situation where someone avoids expressing anger during a conflict the body releases stress hormones in response to the conflict but the anger remains bottled up this can create tension and contribute to chronic stress in the long run overall suppressing emotions can keep your body's stress response in a low-grade activated State potentially leading to chronic stress and its Associated health problems by acknowledging and expressing emotions in a healthy way you can help your body return to a balanced State and promote overall well-being waited for him at home s would walk in greeted by yet another dinner to eat and to enjoy never wanted to disappoint either woman in his life life Sydney kept eating two dinners a day for years until gradual weight gain began to raise suspicions okay so that this poor man suffered under the belief that number one um he was responsible how everybody else felt and number two he was never disappoint anybody so he actually couldn't say to his mother you know Mom I got amazing news news I got four kids and some and and and and I'm going to have dinner with them most of the time nor could have say to his wife you know Roslin I I'm very close with my mom she needs my support So once or twice a week I going have dinner with her he just tried to please everybody all the time and this need to please everybody all time it'll kill you and as I'll for reasons I will tell you and these reasons are not psychological they're physiological they have to do with the body the immune system and and everything else you can't separate the Mind from the body and the problem with my profession the medical profession is that we make two separations that are actually in life impossible to make one is that we separate the Mind from the body we think that people's emotional lives are somehow separate from their physiology completely false assumption unscientific refuted by all the research and yet if go to a doctor I mean I know some of you here um have had autoimmune illnesses for example so ask yourself when you've been to the physician with your rheumato arthritis your joint being inflamed or some other Rheumatic condition did anybody ever ask you about your childhood anybody ever ask you about your stresses in your life anybody ever ask you about your marriage about how you uh how you relate to your work about how you look after yourself how you do likely not likely what they did is they said you got this illness we don't know why you got it and here are the pills Dr Gabor mate likely used the story of Sydney and his mother to illustrate the concept of unconscious self-destructive behavior that can be rooted in unresolved emotional issues here's a breakdown of the story and its connection to Dr Gabor M's Point surface level picture Sydney appears to be a devoted son who prior prioritizes his relationship with his mother he maintains a daily dinner tradition with her even after marriage and having children of his own underlying issue Dr Gabor mate might suggest that Sydney's Behavior while seemingly positive is actually self-destructive here's why neglecting family he prioritizes his mother's needs over his wife and children who wait for him at home this creates an imbalance within his own family emotional avoidance eating two dinners daily might be a way of avoiding uncomfortable emotions perhaps he struggles to set boundaries with his mother or feels guilty about neglecting his own family unhealthy coping mechanism food becomes a way of managing these emotions leading to weight gain self-destructive but unconscious Dr Gabor mate's point is that Sydney's Behavior while motivated by a desire to maintain a close bond with his mother is ultimately harmful to himself and his family key aspects of self-destructive behavior in this case unconscious Sydney likely doesn't realize the negative consequences of his actions self-perpetuating the behavior eating two dinners might initially provide Comfort or avoid conflict but it eventually leads to weight gain which could further complicate his life unresolved emotional issues like difficulty setting boundaries or unresolved grief can man manifest in self-destructive behaviors that appear positive on the surface chronic stress from emotional avoidance can contribute to unhealthy coping mechanisms potentially impacting physical health what Sydney could do self-awareness recognize the emotional Roots behind his behavior why does he struggle to set boundaries with his mother is there unresolved grief after her death open communication talk to his wife and children about the situation healthy coping mechanisms find healthier ways to manage difficult emotions like exercise journaling or therapy setting boundaries practice setting healthy boundaries with his mother ensuring his own family's needs are also met Dr Gabor M likely used Sydney's story to highlight how seemingly positive behaviors can be rooted in unresolved emotional issues and ultimately be self-destructive by promoting self-awareness and health coping mechanisms individuals can break free from such patterns and build healthier relationships so they'll give you a medications suppress the inflammation or they'll give you a medication because autoimmune disease the immune system attacks the body itself so we give you a medication to suppress the immune system itself or will give you st cortisol or or some kind of other steroid well that's all we do we don't talk about the life factors that may have contributed to the onset of the illness and I can so they'll give you a medications to suppress the inflammation or they'll give you a medication because autoimmune disease the immune system attacks the body itself so we give you a medication to suppress the immune system itself or we give you st cortisol or or some kind of other steroid well that's all we do we don't talk about the life factors that may have contributed to the onset of the illness and I can guarantee you I can guarantee you that any of you here who've had chronic illness of any kind you're going to recognize yourself in this talk completely and 100% and you're going to wonder why didn't anybody say this to me before because in the west when I say the West I mean the dominant Western culture unlike Aboriginal cultures unlike the the traditional medicines of China or India or native Traditions around the world we separate the Mind from the body so we treat only the body unless you have mental illness in which case we still separate the Mind from the body we and and the other thing we separate is the individual from the environment as I said to you last night those of that were there you can't separate people from their environment people are shaped by the environment and in lifelong in interaction with the environment this how human beings live now let me give you three examples of that why you can't separate people from the environment it's been shown now for example that children whose parents are stressed are much more likely to have asthma no not controversial several Studies have shown that so in polluted areas where there is more asthma it's the kids of parents who are stressed who are most likely to have the asthma Dr Gabor mate mentioned this fact about children of stressed parents being more likely to have asthma for a few reasons mindbody connection he emphasizes the mindbody connection suggesting chronic stress in parents can have a negative impact on their children's health even manifesting as physical illnesses like asthma stress and the immune system chronic stress can weaken the immune system making children more susceptible to allergies and Asthma here's a possible explanation stress hormones like cortisol can suppress the immune system's ability to fight off allergens and infection chronic stress might also lead to inflammation in the body which can contribute to asthma symptoms parental stress and behavior highly stressed parents might be less likely to take their children to regular checkups or be aware of early asthma symptoms additionally stress in the home environment can create a sense of insecurity in children potentially contributing to asthma development highlighting a gap in medical knowledge Dr Gabor mate is pointing out that traditional medicine often overlooks the mindbody connection and focuses primarily on physical causes for diseases like asthma Dr Gabor mate encouraged viewers to consider the potential impact of stress on their children's health and seek additional resources if needed here are some additional points to consider the research on the link between parental stress and childhood asthma is ongoing and the exact mechanisms are still being investigated correlation doesn't equal causation while stress might be a risk factor there are likely other factors genetics environment that contribute to asthma development Dr Gabor mate isn't suggesting that stress solely causes asthma but that it might be a contributing factor especially in polluted areas where children are already at higher risk Dr Gabor mad's point is that chronic stress in parents can potentially impact a child's health including their susceptibility to asthma he highlights a potential Gap in medical knowledge and encourag es viewers to consider the mindbody connection in understanding health issues no most doctors have never heard about that and if they did they can't explain it and yet it's so obvious you see those of you that have asthma anybody had asthma here before in your life okay you were given two kinds of inhalers if you had asthma one inhaler is probably called ventalin and its job is to open up the Airways cuz what happens in asthma is you get spasm of the muscles that's Sur around the airway so you get this narrowing of the tube through which air has to pass into the lungs so you're wheezing and whistling and laboring your breathing and the other inhaler you got would have been a steroid to suppress the inflammation the swelling and the um inflammatory debris that clutters up the airway so you get two inhalers one is called a Bronco dilator to to dilate open up the airway the other is to suppress the inflammation now what are these uh inhalers B B on the the inhaler that opens up the airway is a copy of adrenaline and the um inhaler that opens up that that suppress the inflammation is a copy of cortisol the service what are adenine and cortisol they're stress hormones exactly in other words we're giving asmatics stress hormones the same stress hormones that are made by their own adrenal glands when they're stressed all that's happened is is that their own stress response mechanisms have been exhausted and now we have to give them stress hormones from the outside now guess what if you're rumor of arthritis or lupus what will that give you cortisol the stress hormone shouldn't we be asking ourselves that if we're treating people with stress hormones whether or not there might be connection between stress and their disease now of course why the children of uh parents who are uh stressed because the parent stresses actually program the physiology of the child because you can't separate the individual from the environment and this is true all our lives a study of women in Australia 500 women 550 women who had lumps in their breasts that were of sufficient concern as to require a biops now they had these biopsies but before the results came back they also had a psychological interview or questionnaire it turns out after the results came back that if a woman had had a significant stressful incident in her life just prior to the onset of that lump that by itself had zero effect on whether or not that lump was cancerous similarly if a woman was emotionally isolated that also had zero effect but if a woman was emot isolated and haded a major stressor the risk of that lump being cancerous was nine times as great as the average now the medical doctors running the study couldn't understand this one either because they said how does zero and zero add up to nine you see because we don't understand the connection between individuals and the environment now here's the deal if I were to act inappropriate towards you right now if I were to stress you right now physically or or or emotionally you'd have three healthy options but well let's say I won't go into that right now uh if I were to stress you right now what would happen is that that stress wouldn't just be in your head it would be in your whole body you know your heart rate would go up your nervous system would be firing off all kinds of impulses your adrenal glands would be pouring adrenaline and cortisol so that you could Escape or fight back these are the flight or fight hormones and so your body would be in a different state physiologically in a split second in order to help you fight to escape that's good so in the short term the stress hormones help you fight or to escape but what do they do in the long term in the long term the stress hormones deplete your body suppress your immune system give you heart disease high blood pressure give you ulcers thin your bones the scientific validity of Dr Gabor mate's claims about emotional isolation stress and cancer risk is a complex issue here's a breakdown of the evidence and some key points to consider supporting evidence stress and the immune system there's established research showing chronic stress can weaken the immune system a weaker immune system might be less effective at fighting off infections and abnormal cells potentially increasing cancer risk psychosocial factors and cancer studies suggest a link between psychosocial factors stress social support and cancer progression and mortality emotional isolation can be a significant stressor limitations and considerations correlation versus causation studies often show correlations between stress and cancer but they don't necessarily prove that stress directly causes cancer other factors like genetics and lifestyle choices also play a crucial role specificity of stress the type intensity and duration of stress likely play a role Dr Gabor mate mentions emotional isolation adding to the risk suggesting specific stressors might have a stronger influence study design the specific study Dr Gabor mate mentions might not be widely known or readily available for review evaluating the studies methodology and data analysis is important for assessing its validity overall while there's ongoing research there is evidence suggesting a link between chronic stress emotional isolation and potentially an increased risk of cancer however it's likely a complex interplay with other factors more research is needed to fully understand the mechanisms at play to validate Dr Gabor insights according to National Cancer Institute psychosocial factors have been hypothesized to increase the risk of cancer this study aims one to test whether py chosocial factors depression anxiety recent loss events subjective social support relationship status General distress and neuroticism are associated with the incidence of any cancer any breast lung prostate coloral smoking related and alcohol rated two to test the interaction between psychosocial factors and factors related to cancer risk smoking alcohol use weight physical activity sedentary Behavior sleep age sex education hormone replacement therapy and menopausal status with regard to the incidence of cancer and three to test the mediating role of Health behaviors smoking alcohol use weight physical activity sedentary behavior and sleep in the relationship between psychosocial factors and the incidence of cancer psychosocial factors such as depression General distress and low social support have long been theorized to increase cancer risk okay now what would happen if if you were stressed something happened that was stressful to you and you're sitting there all upset about it and your body is in a state of uh imbalance and and and upset but somebody that you trust came along and said hey friend I see that you're not feeling well I see that you're upset puts a hand on your shoulder and says hey do you want to talk about it now what would happen to your body right away yes it would relax you take a deep breath your brain would get oxygen you start thinking more clearly your heart rate would slow down your blood pressure diminish the stress hormones Abate in your system and you go back into a healthy balance all because somebody said hey buddy do you want to talk about it those women that had been stressed but we emotionally alone the stress hormone acted on their system for months that's why they were more likely to get cancer it's really straightforward in other words again the physiology of one individual can't be separated from the psychological and social environment and finally at the end of life a study in a major medical journal a few years ago showed that amongst elderly couples when one of them is hospitalized what do you suppose happens to the other one they get sick in other words the risk of illness goes up in the other one when the one is hospitalized why because our immune systems are not isolated from our psychological emotional social relationships we can't separate the Mind from the body and you can't separate the individual from the environment so how this works I'll tell you in a few few minutes but I'll just illustrate it with a disease I'm quite interested in because again Medical Science says we don't know the cause of it and I think that it's only because we're not looking and I'm talking about a rare condition called ALS amyotrophic lateral sclerosis which is a degenerative condition of the nervous system that leaves you very rapidly completely paralyzed your mind is intact but your body is paralyzed and in the end you can't breathe and you die of respiratory failure and uh right now there's a court case with somebody with ALS who wants the right to to Medical suicide and you remember sir Rodriguez and Victoria who went through the same thing and her case was rejected in the Supreme Court so it's it's a very um dire disease and it carries a terrible prognosis and most people who get it are dead within a few years and it strikes otherwise healthy people so a woman came to me for a second opinion about 12 years ago now actually referred to me by my friend Gordon newfeld psychologist and her story was that she'd been diagnosed with Al by one of the leading experts in the condition in British Columbia or in the world actually and but she didn't want to accept the diagnosis she wanted me to tell her that it was only stress well it was ALS but it was also stress her story was that she was a teacher and a vice principal at elementary school in uh Lower Mainland of BC in Richmond and she found at a certain point that she could no longer hold the pen in her hands because her fingers just wouldn't obey her brain's commands she also began to experience difficulty walking now you think if that occurred to you you would very urgently seek a medical opinion not her what she did is she'd get up for months she would get up at 5:30 every morning slowly get herself dressed of course cuz her fingers would have trouble buttoning or pulling zippers she'd Drive herself to school walk into school at 7:30 with her troubled gate she would clutch the chalk in her clenched Fist and painstakingly scrw today's lesson on the board for the students teach the whole day go home stayed up late at night to prepare the next day's lesson everything was slow for her you see and next morning get up at 5:30 and she did that until she could no longer walk now or barely now is she alone in this not at all everybody I've ever looked at with ALS has got exactly the same personality and the same behavior pattern without exception without any exception doesn't matter who I interviewed or read about in writing this book book I also looked at the medical literature and in 1970 there was a study at Yale University Medical School about alss patients by two psychiatrists who wrote The Following these patients they invariably evoked admiration and respect from all staff who came into contact with them characteristic was their attempt to avoid asking for help heart steady work without recourse to help from others was pervasive there seem to have been habitual denial suppression or isolation of fear anxiety and sadness so no expression of negative emotions so-called some spoke gradually of their deterioration or sorry casually like it didn't matter um or did so with engaging Smiles ALS the disease the teacher couldn't face in his talk Dr Gabor mate discusses amot trophic lateral sclerosis ALS a progressive neurodegenerative disease in the context of a teacher story here's a breakdown of ALS and its connection to Dr Gabor mate message what is ALS ALS also known as L Garrick's disease attacks nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord that control muscle movement over time these nerve cells deteriorate leading to progressive muscle weakness and atrophy symptoms typically start gradually with increasing difficulty walking talking swallowing and breathing unfortunately there is no cure for ALS and the disease eventually leads to paralysis and death usually within 3 to 5 years of diagnosis the teacher story and the connection Dr Gabor mate uses the story of the teacher to illustrate the potential dangers of ignoring symptoms the teacher's initial struggles with writing and walking could be early signs of ALS deny denal and progression the teacher's intense denial likely delayed seeking medical attention and potentially managing the disease's progression a common pattern Dr Gabor mate suggests that denial of ALS symptoms might be more common than we think people might fear the diagnosis or feel obligated to push through symptoms potentially worsening their condition the importance of early diagnosis while there's no cure for ALS early diagnosis can help with managing symptoms and improving quality of life through Physical Therapy medication and assistive devices planning for the future including making legal and financial decisions participating in clinical trials that might offer new treatment options by using the teacher story Dr Gabor mate emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing health concerns even if they're frightening early intervention and acceptance can be crucial in managing chronic illnesses like ALS add additional points the exact cause of ALS is unknown although genetics and environmental factors might play a role active research is ongoing for potential treatments and a cure for ALS support groups and resources are available for people living with ALS and their families overall Dr Gabor mate uses the story as a cautionary tale highlighting the importance of acknowledging symptoms and seeking medical attention to manage ALS and other chronic conditions effectively health and he himself never missed the game until he could no longer walk now this is typical with everybody with ALS now are we blaming patience for causing everyone illness well no we're not because it's not deliberate it's not deliberate these are unconscious patterns let me give you a an example from my personal life so um when I was 54 and my mother's 78 she was in a nursing home because she had a a genetic illness called U muscular distrophy and she could no longer walk move her arms much mentally of course she was completely with it she died at age 82 and by this time she was a widow and she had to be in a nursing home now one afternoon I'm visiting her in in a nursing home and as I'm walking down the hall of the nursing home I have a bit of a limp just a slight limp the reason I had a limp is because I had arthoscopic surgery that morning on one of my knees a surgery which is minimally invasive and I just cut out a piece of a torn cartilage which I incurred because I used to jog on cement and I didn't pay attention to the fact that it hurt jogging on cement I missed the lecture in medical school about the relationship between pain and tissue damage so that uh I didn't know this is bad thing so I contined to jog on cement tore cartilage surgery that morning that afternoon bit of a limp when I get to my mother's room I open the door and my limp disappears and I walk into her room with a perfectly normal gate greet her revisit I walk out again in a balanced way and then I close the door behind me and I start limping again now what he supposed I was doing Dr Gabor mate's story about his limp while visiting his mother in the hospital likely connects to his message about the mindbody connection and the potential for unconscious stress responses here's a breakdown of the possible connection Dr Gabor mate mentions that he had surgery on his knee but when he visits his mother in the hospital his limp disappears while he's with her the connection Dr Gabor mate might be using this personal story to illustrate a few key points stress and physical manifestation he might be suggesting that even though his conscious mind knows the pain is due to the surgery physical cause his subconscious mind perceives a stressful situation visiting his possibly ill mother this can trigger the body's stress response potentially leading to a temporary alleviation of the physical symptom the limp as the body prioritizes dealing with the perceived threat unconscious protection Dr Gabor mate might be suggesting that his limp disappears unconsciously because he doesn't want to burden his mother with his own pain this highlights the potential for unconscious behaviors driven by emotions and the desire to protect loved ones mindbody connection this story emphasizes the connection between the mind and body our thoughts emotions and experiences can have a significant impact on our physical state by sharing this story Dr Gabor mate might be encouraging his audience to consider how their own stress might be manifesting in their bodies even in ways they might not be consciously aware of he might also be promoting open communication with loved ones to avoid unintentional emotional burdens there are other possible explanations for Dr Gabor mate's story such as the possibility of pain medication or adrenaline masking the limp temporarily the specific details of the story and Dr Gabor mate's full explanation in the video would provide a clearer picture of his intended message anyone don't want taking care of her not not want her to worry yeah but here's the thing about my mother she was 78 she had survived the second world war she had survived the Nazi Genocide the death of her parents in owitz she's she she survived Communist dictatorship the Hungarian revolution in 1956 immigration to Canada with two adolescent boys and her and and and my father uh the birth of a child in Canada when she was 39 in the new country um the whole immigration experience do you think she could have handled the and she was a mentally and emotionally very strong person do you think she could have handle the fact that her middle-aged son had a bit of a limp the afternoon of arthoscopic surgery had I thought about it I would not have suppressed my limp but the point is I didn't think about it it went back to my very first year of life when uh I was 2 months old when uh the German Army marched into Budapest and my mother PHS the pediatrician to say would you please come and see Gabor course he's crying all the time the day after the invasion and and the pediatrician says of course I will come but I should tell you all my Jewish babies are crying now what do you think that was about what did I as a twoe as a a 2mon old know about Nazis or Hitler or genocide what was I reacting to stress the stress of my mother infants pick up on the stress of their mothers and the infant learns very quickly that if the mother is so stressed already that if I add more stress to it that might threaten my relationship with her because she'll be even more unhappy then the infant will learn to suppress their own pain simply to maintain a relationship now that's not a mother uh desire ever to give that message to an infant but we do automatically and unconsciously that's just how it works and that becomes the memory and I'll talk to you more about those memories later but it becomes a memory without recall I don't recall that time in my life but the memory is in my body and my friend servas who works with bodies a lot he he sees the body memories in the way people stand or they hold themselves or the way they walk and we hold these memories in our bodies and we're not even aware of them up here because there's no conscious recollection so that suppression of my LMP was a body memory of what I had to do to maintain my relationship with my mother now the woman with ALS the teacher she was an adopted child and um shortly after the adoption guess what her bun mother gets pregnant and the biological child was the mother's center of attention and the adopted child from an early age un learned or at least perceived that she wasn't loved and accepted and celebrated like the biological child was and hence she worked to make herself lovable and how do you work by make to make yourself lovable by suppressing your own Feelings by always being nice but always taking care and always ignoring your own needs Dr Gabor mate used his personal story to illustrate the importance of early attachment strong emotional bonds with caregivers in early infancy are crucial for healthy emotional development the impact of neglect feelings of Abandonment even in infancy can have a lasting impact on a person's emotional well-being scientific considerations neonatal perception newborns can perceive and respond to their environment they can distinguish their caregivers voice voice and scent and show distress when separated early memories while explicit memories from infancy are unlikely implicit memories emotional associations might be formed and influence later behavior however there are limitations accuracy of memories memories especially from such a young age can be reconstructed or influenced by later experiences individual differen the impact of early experiences varies depending on the child's temperament genetics and later relationships Dr Gabor mate's interpretation he might believe his crying as an infant was a response to feeling neglected or insecurely attached alternative explanations there could have been other reasons for his crying such as hunger discomfort or illness while the specific details of Dr Gabor mate's experience are subjective his point about the importance of early attachment is supported by scientific research early experiences can shape emotional development and strong caregiver bonds are crucial for healthy emotional well-being additional notes Dr Gabor M might not be suggesting that his crying experience as an infant is the sole cause of any challenges he might have faced later in life the focus might be on highlighting the potential impact of early experiences and the importance of nurturing caregiver child relationship sh and it was purely unconscious this is her this is her coping patterns since she was a small child she did not do deliberately and Lou Garrick's father was an alcoholic and if any of you grew up in homes where there's alcoholism you know how it works is that the children or one of the children becomes the caregiver to the parents emotionally and even physically sometimes and that then becomes your personality that then becomes how you live your life cuz you think that's who you are because how we are as kids we think that's who we are that's not who we are but that's what we come to believe and that's who we that's how we behave then and that's what creates these patterns so there's nobody here to be blamed here nobody here to be blamed it's just how it works now why does these why do these patterns translate into illness that's because as traditional medicine has always understood and as Western science has not now confirmed mind and body are inseparable so if you look at the important systems in the body and the Brain they're completely connected so that the emotional centers in the brain are connected to the immune system and the hormonal apparatus and the uh nervous system now the emotional centers in your brain have one major role to play to keep you alive now what is the biggest need of the newborn emotionally speaking and even physically speaking is attachment to the adults without that attachment we don't survive you can see that this is true of course of baby birds and and and and baby mammals but especially of human beings because we're the most um underdeveloped and the least mature and the most helpless for the longest period of time of any creature on earth and I'll say much more about that in my talk on ADHD now that means that our brains are wired for attachment we're wired to attach big centers in our brains are dedicated to maintaining our attachment relationships that's our biggest need those emotional centers in the brain are connected with the nervous system because the nervous system warns us when our attachment needs are not being met and then we cry and then we get stressed that's the immune uh that's the hormonal apparatus and all that has an in impact on our immunity because it turns out that all these systems the hormonal apparatus the immune system nervous system and emotional centers in the brain are connected by the nervous system into one giant electrical grid fibers of the nervous system connect them all together so that anything that happens in one aspect of that system happens in the other aspects so they're connected so that electrical fibers or nervous fibers from the brain go to the spleen where the red cells are stored or to the bone marrow where they're manufactured or to the thymus gland in the neck where immune cells mature our body is like a giant communication Network just like how a cable connects your TV phone and computer nerves in our body connect everything everything from our brain to our heart immune system and even the places where our immune cells are made these nerves constantly send messages back and forth like electrical signals this means what happens in your mind can affect your body for example feeling stressed can send signals that make your heart beat faster or weaken your immune system making you more likely to get sick in short your thoughts feelings and body are all connected everything in your body talks to each other using a special Network nervous system your thoughts and feelings emotions can affect your body's physical health immunity heart rate it's all connected this communication happens 247th your brain constantly receives information from your body and sends instructions back for example if you get a splinter in your finger sensory information your brain receives the signal via nerves and tells your hand to pull it out motor response this is a simplified explanation but it captures the essence of Dr Gabor M's message the nervous system plays a crucial role in coordinating all the different systems in our body creating a complex and interconnected Network that influences both our physical and mental well-being and back up to the brain so there's a constant neurological communication that's going on in our systems 24/7 every second every millisecond that's one form of connection the other connection is by means of chemical Messengers that each of these systems secrete into the circulation which then travel to the other organs so that the brain reads what's happening in the body and the body reads what's happening in the brain so it turns that the immune cells in our circulation can manufacture every hormone that the brain can manufacture so the immune cells in your circulation are talking to the brain and listening to the brain that's the second connection the third connection is the brain gut connection so let me ask you this question and I'll ask for a show of hands if you've had the following experience please just put your hand up that is that you had a powerful gut feeling about something and you ignored it and you were sorry afterwards okay if you've had that experience put your hand up okay just about everybody here now why is it that the god is so much strong so much brighter than the brain is then not the brain but the Mind than the intellect I should say it's very simple because the gut is connected to the brain in fact the gut sends many more connections to the brain than vice versa when the gut receives messages from the brain it reads them and it magnifies them and sends them back up to the brain so the gut feelings tell you the whole picture your thoughts only tell you a small part of the picture so people who had a stroke in the part of the brain where language is processed these are called aphasiacs they're much better able to tell when somebody's lying than the average person who can understand speech why do you suppose since they don't understand the words what are they paying attention to they got feelings which read the body language of the person the facial expression the congruity of the mouth and the eyes is it really when the person is smiling is it just a mouth or smiling you you seen the have you seen the the Parliamentary debate on on you know on CBC and when the politicians stand up and they smile they're grinning here there's nothing up here it makes you uncomfortable to look look at it anybody with gut feelings would turn the TV off now there's another large group of people another large group of human beings who read God feelings accurately and respond to them and what do we call those people children small children young babies don't listen to words they don't even understand them but they react uniring and intuitively to God feelings now guess what when you put your hand up and told me that you've had stronger feelings that you've ignored and you were sorry afterwards because you believed your intellect rather than your Gods you told me the story of your childhood BEC and the story of your childhood is that you were born with the gut feelings intact and connected completely but at some point something happened to you at some point you got the message that in order to survive and to be acceptable you have to suppress your gut feelings cuz here's how it works children have two needs infants anybody any human being we have two basic needs and the more immature we are the more important the first need becomes and that's for attachment and attachment means that connection with another human being for the purpose of being taken care of that's an absolute need of the small child can't live without it impossible so that's one large need another need however we have to function as full human beings is to be authentic authentic means that we know who we are what we feel are able to express it and able to honor it in our Behavior so we have the need for attachment and we have the need for authenticity so far so good but what happens if in order to attach we have to suppress our authenticity gut feelings are those intuitive hunches we experience as a feeling in the gut they can be positive premonitions or a sense of unease about a situation how we experience them gut feelings often arise quickly without conscious reasoning they might manifest as physical Sensations like butterflies in your stomach or a tightness in your chest these Sensations are likely linked to the complex communication between our gut and brain scientific research the gut brain connection is a growing area of research our gut microbiome gut bacteria is linked to the production of neurotransmitters brain chemicals that influence mood and emotions studies suggest the gut might send signals to the brain through the ner system potentially influencing our feelings and decision- making chronic stress and gut feelings chronic stress can disrupt the gut microbiome potentially affecting the gut brain communication this disruption might contribute to weaker gut feelings or difficulty trusting our intuition gut feelings are a fascinating example of the mindbody connection while the exact mechanisms are still being explored science suggests a link between our gut and brain that influences our intuition chronic stress can potentially disrupt this system making it harder to trust our gut gut feelings shouldn't replace logical thinking consider them alongside reason and evidence when making decisions taking care of your gut health with a balanced diet and Stress Management might improve your gut Feelings by understanding gut feelings and the gut brain connection we can make more informed decisions and prioritize our overall well-being gut feelings and authenticity are intertwined in the sense that they both play a role in how we make choices that are true to ourselves imagine you're offered a high-paying job that seems prestigious but requires long hours and clashes with your values your gut feeling might give you a sense of unease butterflies in your stomach a sign that the job might not be truly fulfilling ignoring this feeling to pursue the money could lead to inauthenticity and long-term unhappiness overall gut feelings can be a powerful tool for living authentically by listen listening to our intuition and trusting our inner voice we can make choices that align with our true selves and promote a sense of well-being because our parents can't handle who we are because they can't handle our anger as two-year-olds because they can't handle our our expression over our needs cuz they're too stressed they're too needy like my mother was in that terrible situation then we suppress who we are we suppress our authenticity and we suppress our awareness of of our God feelings because the expression of them would bring us into conflict with our cargivers and threaten our attachments and so our problem as adults is that we a lot of our behaviors are still coming out of our need to attach so we're still behaving like little kids who need to attach and need to be liked and need to be accepted and approved of at the expense of our authenticity and that people is what makes us sick now a fourth connection I didn't even know about but has been um described since I wrote my book is the heart brain connection it turns out that the heart itself has a nervous system in the pericardium which is the fibrous membrane that surrounds the heart there's a network of nerves which have predictive capacities so when people say especially for negative things so when you say h I knew it in my heart you did and that brain in the heart is connected to the brain up here so that's yet another kind of connection so then naturally whatever happens emotionally uh and how we live our lives has a huge impact on our physiology because these systems are not separate they're just one system so let's look at the question of how they repression of anger then might um suppress our immune system okay so um I'll ask for a volunteer here and whoever volunteers uh I I can promise you two things one is that you might feel uncomfortable for a minute and other is that you learn something about yourself okay so any volunteers you know thanks right there no you don't have to do just stay where you are here what's your name line Lorraine well thanks for volunteering here are the rules okay this is a metaphor or a representation of your life you sitting in that chair therefore you can't leave the chair okay so whatever happens you're going to have to stay exactly where you are other than that you can do whatever you need to you got it okay so Loren what I'm going to ask you is if you're okay with me standing right here as I give the lecture is this comfortable for you okay so I'm going to come closer now and ask you if it's still okay if I give the lecture here is that still okay with you yes it's fine no what about if I stood right here and give the rest of the lecture right here how would that be for you it would be a little uncomfortable it's uncomfortable so what would you like to do about it for you to step back you'd like me to step back and okay how are you going to get that asking you can ask me okay you can ask and I'm going to say heck with you and come me a bit closer okay push you away now okay okay now you'd push me away now you'd push me away right you'd push me away okay very good as you were pushing what emotion do you think you'd be generating my guts were just going like this and I was feeling really smothered that's that's why you pushed me away but as you were pushing what do you think you'd be feeling I felt not what you felt but what you would feel if you were actually pushing me must the emotion do you think that' be there for you I think that would be like I don't know a little bit of anger and a little bit of exactly anger and that's a healthy anger now healthy anger is nothing but a defense of your boundaries and basically Lorraine what you be pushing what you you're saying to me is you're in my space get out you're in my space get out now if you said that in the first place you would need to be pushing me right but the pushing itself that's good it's a good response it's a healthy response so in other words healthy anger is an expression of a boundary defense so the job of our emotions now by the way if I was somebody else in your life I mean somebody that you know had a different relationship with you might welcome them coming close to you right no no I don't I don't mean me I mean your child or your partner or whoever or you know somebody you might actually embrace them right in a different situation so the so the role of emotions basically is to uh respond to approach and welcome the healthy and positive approach and to keep out the unhealthy and aggressive one so it's either I want more of this or I want less of this so that's the job of healthy anger that's the job of the emotions in other words it's to let in what's healthy and nourishing and to keep out what's dangerous and unwelcome that's the job of emotions basically to illustrate Dr Gabor mate's point on repression and healthy anger focusing on a different Health outcome the case of John John was a successful businessman known for his calm demeanor and ability to navigate complex deals he prided himself on his rationality and rarely expressed anger however beneath the surface Jon simmered with unspoken resentments childhood experiences growing up Jon's parents were highly critical any display of anger was met with punishment leading him to believe anger was a sign of weakness repressed feelings Jon learned to bury his anger deep down he became The Peacemaker in arguments swallowing his frustrations for the sake of maintaining Harmony the downward spiral over time Jon's repressed anger began to manifest in unhealthy ways physical symptoms Jon started experiencing chronic headaches high blood pressure and digestive issues these could be signs of stress related illness caused by the constant emotional suppression autoimmune response Dr Gabor mate suggests chronic anger repression can contribute to autoimmune diseases where the immune system attacks the body's own tissues Jon might be more susceptible to such a condition due to his emotional state strained relationships Jon's inability to express healthy anger led to passive aggressive behavior and for resentment towards colleagues and loved ones this created distance in his relationships a turning point one day Jon suffered a heart attack facing his own mortality he began to question his life choices he realized his repressed anger was eating him alive impacting both his physical and emotional wellbeing the road to Healing Jon sought therapy to learn how to express healthy anger in a constructive way he began to communicate his needs more assertively set boundaries and let go of past resentments the positive change as Jon embraced healthy anger expression his physical symptoms started to improve his relationships became more authentic and he felt a newfound sense of inner peace this story illustrates Dr Gabor mate's Point repressing healthy anger can have a detrimental impact on our physical and emotional health by learning to express anger constructively we can improve our overall well-being and build healthier relationships this is a fictional story but reflects the potential consequences Dr Gabor mate discusses the specific Health impacts of repressed anger vary depending on individual factors therapy can be a valuable tool for learning healthy anger expression what is the job of the immune system off fight off bacteria Yeah so basically the job of the immune system is to keep out what's unhealthy like bacteria or to kill cancer cells that's what it does or to let in what's healthy like vitamins and nourishments and so on if you imune system attacked the particles of food and destroyed them before you had a chance to absorb them you wouldn't live so that the job of the IM system immune system is like that it's been called The Floating brain because it has recognition capacity reactive capacity and learning capacity that's the same as the emotions immune immune system does the same thing as the emotions protect us and let in what we need given the unity of all these system systems it's obvious that when you suppress the one you're suppressing the other and that's why people that suppress anger they have diminished activity of their immune system as has been shown in studies or what happens is that the immune system gets so confused because our emotions are confused that it turns against ourselves and that's when you get autoimmune disease when the imun system actually attacks the body itself fun fundamentally what happens is one way or the other if you don't know how to say no when you need to your body will say it for you in the form of illness so chronic illness represents the body saying no when you didn't do it not your fault this is how you were programmed before you had any choice in the matter so again it's not a question of blame or self-blame but it does mean that to prevent illness or if you have an illness to deal with it more effectively you need to learn to assur who you are and to say no now that might be difficult sometimes because the people in your life have got used to you as a yes they've always heard you say yes some of them might not like you very much if you start saying no all of a sudden and what you're going to do when you start saying no is you're going to find out who your friends are cuz they real ones are going to say to you hey h so I'm so glad you're finally saying no and the ones that were simply there because you were constantly available for them are going to oh what happened to her or him you know that's it but so it'll creates some conflict which which will trigger all your fears about attachment so you're going to have to learn that you're that you are more important than your attachments that wasn't true when you were a kid but it's true as an adult I'm going to finish with one story and then we'll take questions and do a couple of exercises for you Gilda Radner you might remember her as a comedian on Saturday Night Live and she died of ovarian cancer and um I didn't know anything about her life but I read her biography because I knew she died of cancer and guess what it's the same story over again so Gilda Radner um uh was a very unhappy child and she was overweight as a child and uh she um was thin as an adult because she was she was bulimic so all the time that she was a star she was actually a bulimic typically she didn't tell her mother her mother didn't know that she was bulimic until after she had died why cuz she was still protecting her mother just like I was with suppressing my limp her father died when she was 12 a loss she never overcame and so what she did she always got into relationships with man where she would suppress herself to fit the image that the man had of that that he wanted of her and the only way she could feel close to her mother was to make her laugh so guess what she becomes a comedian so many comedians by the way are very troubled people and guess what I have a son who wants to be a comedian for a good reason and then she developed aian cancer even after her symptoms of aarian cancer began to cause physical distress including bow blockage Radner was more concerned with satisfying others than with her own needs she stopped and received advice from Sury sources her dilemma she writes in her autobiography suddenly I began to wonder how to please so many people do I take magnesium citrate what about the coffeea do I do both do I do the abdominal massage or the colonic do I tell the doctors about each other eats Meets West in Gilda's body Western medicine down my throat Eastern medicine up my butt when it seemed she had been successfully treated Gilda became a poster girl for ovarian cancer featured on the cover of Life magazine she was an inspiration to many but the recovery was short lived still attached to role she had developed as a child she berated herself for having cold let down others by developing terminal illness I had become a spokeswoman for the Wellness Community and the symbol of getting well I had been a model cancer patient completely active in my own therapy now I felt like a living example that didn't work I'm just a fraud I thought only close to her death did Gilda finally learn that she could not be mothered to the world I couldn't do everything I wanted to do I couldn't keep calling all the cas cancer patients I knew and I couldn't try to help all the women with the Varian cancer and I couldn't read every letter I received because it was ripping me apart I couldn't cry all those tears for everybody else I had to take care of myself it is important to realize that you have to take care of yourself because you can't take care of anybody else until you do well trably is you can but if you don't take care of yourself in the process you're going to make yourself ill so the issue of course is not that we shouldn't provide care to other people I mean caring for others and being kind that's wired into us as human beings that's a true expression of who we are Dr Gabor mate talks about a connection between stress and cancer but it's important to understand the limitations of this Theory here's a breakdown what Dr Gabor M suggests Dr Gabor mate suggests chronic stress can contribute to cancer development through its impact on the immune system and hormonal changes stress and immune system chronic stress might weaken the immune system making it less effective in identifying and destroying abnormal cells that could potentially become cancerous stress hormones chronic stress can lead to elevated levels of cortisol stress hormone which might influence cell growth and division scientific evidence there's currently no concl exclusive evidence that chronic stress directly causes cancer research suggests a potential link but it's complex and involves various factors like genetics lifestyle choices and overall health stress can weaken the immune system but this doesn't necessarily translate to an increased risk of cancer important considerations genetics play a significant role in cancer development lifestyle factors like smoking diet and lack of exercise have a stronger established link to cancer risk managing stress is crucial for overall well-being but it might not directly prevent cancer while Dr Gabor mate raises an interesting perspective the connection between stress and cancer remains a complex area of research here are some valid reasons to manage stress for your health even though it might not directly prevent cancer reduced risk of chronic conditions chronic stress is linked to various health problems like like heart disease and diabetes which might indirectly influence cancer risk improved immune system function managing stress can potentially strengthen the immune system making it more effective in general disease prevention enhanced quality of life chronic stress can significantly impact your mental and physical well-being managing stress promotes a better overall quality of life focus on a holistic approach focus on a healthy lifestyle that includes a balanced diet regular exercise and quality sleep manage stress through relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga seek professional help if you struggle with chronic stress remember while Stress Management is crucial for overall health there's no single factor that guarantees you won't get cancer consult a doctor for personalized guidance on cancer prevention and risk factors but going along with that there's to be self-care that means that you must demand support if you're caring for others you must demand support when you need it you must be able to have a break you must be able to ask for help when you need it uh you must be able to express how you feel you must take time for yourself there must be times in your life which is just for you so that we have to find ways amidst the role of caregivers to actually uh care for the person here because if we don't the result is burnout and illness so again it's not a question of being selfish and unconcerned that's not so good either for your health um but it's a question of being as kind to yourself as uh you are wanting to be to others uh it's kind of the golden rule turned around you know uh do unto you do to not just do unto others what you would have them do to you but also do unto yourself what you wish to do to others any questions on what I've said question yes please um when you were talking about um when you were talking about how you um um you have um you're you're trying to hide yourself and trying to P back is that also time that we we tend to go through addictions too well um addictions is something a bit different addiction happens when we're stressed and we need to sooth ourselves so when we allow all the stress to wash over us and we don't keep the stress away then we get overwhelmed then one way to deal with the stress is they become addicted so that it's very interesting when you look at families with addictions you also see a lot of illness in other members so they just represent different coping Styles the addict sues themselves Through The Addictive Behavior the person with who doesn't go to addiction they're a good they're good they're good they're going to go supress themselves and develop illness instead there's a question here yeah yeah uh that's what I was going to ask you about the person that has an addiction problem like I've seen this in quite a bit of people they could they could using their their alcohol yeah and then afterwards they become really like sober for like over a year or something then they become chronically ill so okay you know what let let me give you the mic so that people can hear you it's a good question thank you uh people with addictions um like maybe alcohol yeah uh they've been using alcohol to help themselves to self-medicate but yeah after that they stop using alcohol and and knowing that um their mentally and emotionally development isn't too power they they become chronically ill like I've seen that in in a lot of people that I've worked with yeah yes you would expect something like that because um if you look at um chronic illness if you look at the childhood conditions that give rise to addiction they also give rise to chronic illness so these adverse childhood experiences that I mentioned last night any of you not there last night okay so there's a group of studies called the adverse childhood experiences studies they look at children or they look at adults and if they had physical sexual emotional abuse or um death of a parent or some other catastrophic event in their lives the more of these events there were the more likely they become to addicted as adults and the more likely they have autoimmune disease or cancer so when P people stop soothing themselves uh with with with the alcohol but they're not dealing with the stresses then as you say they're not dealing with the emotional stuff then the illness will show up that would not be not to mention that alcohol itself promotes C kind of canc the following strategy is what Dr Gabor stresses on his talk Stress Management no reduces overwhelm constantly saying yes to everything can lead to feeling overloaded and overwhelmed saying no allows you to focus your energy on the things that truly matter reducing stress levels improve sleep chronic stress can disrupt sleep patterns by saying no to extra commitments you give yourself time to relax and unwind promoting better sleep quality oh boosts the immune system chronic stress weakens the immune system's ability to fight off illness saying no can help you manage stress and potentially strengthen your immune response Mental Health prevents burnout constantly exceeding your limits can lead to burnout a state of emotional exhaustion and sinicism saying no helps you avoid feeling drained and allows you to maintain a healthy work life balance enhances self-esteem learning to say no demonstrates self-respect and sets healthy boundaries this can boost your self-esteem and sense of control reduces decision fatigue saying yes to everything can make it harder to make clear decisions when you prioritize saying no becomes easier freeing up mental energy for important choices physical health promotes healthy habits saying no to unhealthy social pressures like overeating or neglecting exercise allows you to prioritize healthy habits that benefit your physical well-being improves time management when you say no to additional commitments you have more time for activities that promote physical health such as exercise cooking healthy meals or getting enough sleep reduces risk of chronic conditions chronic stress is linked to various health problems like heart disease and diabetes saying no can help manage stress and potentially reduce the risk of these conditions overall saying no is not selfish it's an act of self-care by setting boundaries and prioritizing your well-being you can manage stress improve your mental health and promote your physical health here are some additional points to consider saying no doesn't have to be harsh you can offer a polite explanation or suggest an alternative time approach the more you practice saying no the easier it becomes saying no empowers you to take control of your time and energy leading to a healthier and happier life other questions on what I've said yes okay yeah so I'll just get you folks with questions to speak to the mic and that way everybody can hear you I was just curious when when you had mentioned about uh not limping going into your mother's room about what when you had mentioned about not limping going into your mother's room you know there's other theories about birth order yeah and you're the oldest yeah in the family I mean can you isolate I think birth order you know I've seen um this chronic caregiver pattern I've seen it at every birth order possible it's not automatically a firstborn phenomena I mean sometimes it's the second child who uh who becomes the good kid because like like with our my two boys with the first son we had a lot of conflict cuz we didn't know how to weren't very adep parents so the Second Son pulls in and suppresses themselves more as a way of I don't want that hassle I don't want all that conflict so he's he becomes The Peacemaker and so it can happen at any point so birth order does have an impact but uh so many other factors are play into it so that I wouldn't isolate that one there's another question somewhere else I should be loud enough actually yeah you are yeah I was just wondering you mentioned bulimia yeah I was wondering can you elaborate on that is it addiction what is that bulimia is a form of addiction and it arises for the same reasons that addiction arises it's like a selfing what's that self soothing with you know what it is it it's it's um it's a buildup of tension and and an urgent release so that it's a way of actually self-created it's a way of releasing tension and there's that relief so the addiction I Define as any behavior that you crave that has um a sense of relief associated with it and which has negative consequences and you don't give it up despite the negative consequences that's what addiction is buma is an addiction the best we don't understand it is a form of addiction and the causes of it go back to exactly the same uh factors that would underly addiction see there's only one story there's only one story you treat kids well they grow up to be healthy adults you don't treat them well they're going to act out their unwellness in a number of ways and all the illnesses that we have and all these diagnoses are just different forms of people manifesting early trauma and early uh early distress that's all it's very simp Dr Gabor mate Compares bulimia to addiction because he sees both as coping mechanisms for underlying emotional issues here's a breakdown of his perspective traditional view of bulimia bulimia is often seen as an eating disorder characterized by cycles of binge eating followed by purging vomiting laxatives Etc Dr Gabor mate's perspective Dr Gabor mate suggests bulimia like addiction serves as a way to numb or Escape difficult emotions like anxiety depression T shame trauma the purging Behavior while physically damaging can offer a temporary sense of relief and control similarities between bulimia and addiction compulsive Behavior both involve a repetitive compulsive Behavior despite negative consequences seeking relief both bulimic eating and substance abuse can be attempts to escape emotional pain underlying issues both conditions might have their roots in unresolved emotional problems or past trauma criticisms of this view some argue Dr Gabor mate downplays the complex biological and psychological factors that contribute to bulimia not everyone with bulimia necessarily has underlying emotional issues while Dr Gabor mate's perspective offers a valuable lens it's it's important to consider all contributing factors to bulimia here are some additional points bulimia is a complex eating disorder with multiple contributing factors including genetics social influences and psychological factors emotional issues can play a role but they might not be the sole cause treatment for bulimia typically involves a combination of therapy nutritional counseling and sometimes medication if you were someone you know struggles with bulimia seeking professional help is crucial here are some resources for people struggling with bulimia yes picking up on the question about Bia how do you see anorexia anorexia is related like do you see that as being addictive or is that more in the suppressant it's um well let me just formulate it for you anoxia is an attempt to be in control of something when you don't feel your life is in control that's one way to be in control cuz that's that's something nobody can control you with so you're going to be totally in charge uh it's um it's an emotional um or it's an attempt to deal with severe emotional loss that helps leaves you completely helpless but in this but in this one area of your life you're totally in charge that's how I understand it and invariably it has to do with relationships with caregivers particularly mothers I don't blame mothers because the mothers just acting out what happened to them as kids but with the but the kids these kids with anorexia there's always issues and um you know um I know that um like the singer an Murray I think her daughter was an anorexic and what I read about them it is a self-suppression on the part of the daughter I think there's a lot of anger there that's being suppressed in anorexia and that anger is being taken out on the self that's how I understand it uh there was a hand somewhere else yes please um what about what do you think about the idea of somebody getting cancer if they've experienced repeated physical traumas that have been accidental like somebody who's had a series of accidents throughout your life that have been potentially Le threatening accidents then getting cancer at a very young age and ding well first of all I would say that nobody has a serious of accidents accidentally okay so so that for example um if you have if you constantly get into accidents I mean statistically it might happen sometimes purely randomly that you know you're you always happen to be with the lightning strikes but you you know overall people that are accident prone it doesn't come from the outside there's something about them where they ignore risk or they're unaware of their environment or something and that has to do with early defense mechanisms I'll say more about that in my talk on ADHD wishes to say that they're stressed so it would not be unusual then for them to get cancer but I don't think it's the physical injury directly that causes the cancer no I think it's more the stress and even if I had a physical injury you see if you had a physical injury that's not the stress you know what the stress is well let me ask you this question here I mean some of you may not you know some of you may wish to answer if you don't that's perfectly okay but is anybody here willing to acknowledge and you don't have to there's no pressure here that you were sexually abused as a child if that's true for you just put your hand up okay very good thank you at the very back how old were you when that happened four four and for how long about a year about a year and in that year who did you tell about it nobody nobody thank you how old were you when it happened 11 11 and for how long did it go on um not very long uh a few weeks um few days even a few days okay in those few days who did you tell about it nobody nobody okay that's what the stress is because stress is not just what happens to us it's how we process it what you should have had to been able to do was to scream and yell as soon as anybody touched you the wrong way that's what you should have been able to do too is just to scream and run and ask for help the fact that you didn't is not your fault by the time you were four and the time you were 11 you had already learned that you were alone in the world and that was nobody there to listen to you so it's not that you made a mistake you just simply did what any child would which is to assess the situation unconsciously and you already knew that nobody there was there to support you and there when when there's no support there then you can't express how you feel it's that suppression of feeling and the non-expression of the stress response that actually creates the long-term chronic stress Dr Gabor mate suggests that long-term chronic stress often has its roots in unresolved emotional experiences particularly from childhood these experiences can shape how we perceive and respond to stress in adulthood here are some potential causes of chronic stress from Dr Gabor M's perspective childhood trauma experiencing emotional neglect abuse or other traumatic events in childhood can leave emotional scars that contribute to chronic stress in later life unhealthy attachment Styles insecure attachment Styles formed in early relationships can lead to a sense of anxiety and difficulty feeling safe and secure increasing stress vulnerability suppressed emotions learning to suppress emotions like anger or sadness can create a buildup of emotional tension that manifests as chronic stress Breaking Free from the cycle Dr Gabor m offers a path towards escaping the grip of chronic stress awareness and self-compassion the first step involves becoming aware of your stress triggers and how your body reacts to stress this self-awareness allows for compassion towards yourself and your struggles processing underlying emotions therapy can help you explore and process the emotional roots of your chronic stress addressing past trauma or unhealthy coping mechanisms building healthy habits prioritizing izing self-care through healthy sleep balanced diet and regular exercise promotes resilience and strengthens your ability to cope with stress mindfulness techniques practices like meditation and deep breathing can help manage stress in the Moment by calming the nervous system and promoting relaxation an example on how we relate it in our lives like Mark the workaholic Mark was the epitome of a driven professional he thrived on deadlines reveled in long hours and rarely took breaks this constant go go go mentality had brought him success but at a cost Mark suffered from chronic headaches insomnia and a constant sense of anxiety a breaking point one evening while rushing to finish a presentation Mark experienced a crippling panic attack his heart pounded his breath became shallow and the room seemed to spin this terrifying experience forced him to confront the reality of his chronic stress seeking help hesitantly Mark sought therapy through therapy sessions he began to connect the dots he realized his constant need to achieve stemmed from childhood feelings of inadequacy and a fear of rejection he had learned to suppress his emotions particularly anger but this suppression fueled his chronic stress A New Path with his therapist's guidance mark embarked on a journey of self self-discovery he learned to express his emotions in a healthy way setting boundaries at work and prioritizing self-care he Incorporated mindfulness practices into his routine and started prioritizing restful sleep and exercise a life transformed gradually Mark felt a shift the constant tension in his shoulders eased his sleep improved and his anxiety lessened he discovered that taking care of himself didn't diminish his abilities as a professional instead it enhanced his focus and productivity he learned to say no to unreasonable demands and started valuing his personal time Mark's story illustrates Dr Gabor mate's approach to overcoming chronic stress by addressing the underlying emotional Roots practicing self-care and cultivating healthy coping mechanisms you can break free from the cycle of chronic stress and live a more fulfilling life this story is a fictional representation but reflects the experiences of many individuals struggling with chronic stress therapy is a valuable tool for addressing the emotional roots of stress but other approaches like mindfulness and self-care can also be beneficial the path to overcoming chronic stress is individual and what works for one person might not work for another remember you don't have to live with chronic stress take control of your well-being and seek help if needed so even if somebody with chronic accidents first of all there's reasons why they had them in the first place and in the second place they may not have had the environment where they could actually talk about their feelings and be we listened to and understood and that's what creates the long-term stress so it's a suppression that's the issue here this is how I would respond without knowing anything about the particular case but this would be a general answer to your question yes I have okay now you got to really y or come to the mic I have two things more of an observation um do you have any suggestions when we work with individuals and um we know that they have the tools to because they use words like self-education or they know what is wrong with them yeah um so but they say why bother yeah you know um what your suggestions on how we can work with them and yeah yeah well first of all let me ask you a question all of you how many of you just ask with show of hands how many of you made New Year's resolutions this year how many of you made New Year's resolutions can I see the hands how many you are still kept them okay how many of you know what it takes to live have a really good life I mean terms of nutrition and exercise and emotional balance and all that how many of you know what it takes how many of you are living it okay so first of all thank you first of all the person you're talking about is not that unique are they they're just like the rest of us so what I would say to that person is you know what uh listen to them what are they saying to you they're saying that they're discouraged so just hear their instead of talking them out of it listen to them a you stand really discouraged wonder what that's about for you you must feel really hopeless sometimes you know what even me I know how to live a good life but I don't do it it's just very hard really listen to them make sure that they feel validated and understood by you then they can get past it if you try to talk them out of it you can't the second Point um and again a bit louder please the second point is I I I I am on an immune suppressing dri yeah right now I kind of think maybe it's time to change my feel but I mean I used to be a yes person yeah but I'm wondering you know when I had trauma about 5 years ago major trauma that happened in our family um is that and then this past year is when I started getting this new supressing issue and um ERS on my leg and is that does there is there a timeline when it finally starts to really affect your body or like I always talk to my staff about selfcare how important it is and I've been doing that myself learning to say you know know I have to you know create these boundaries cuz as I was wanting to help people make them and not make me feel better but then I realized that I wasn't taking care of me right but is there any suggestions on really on how to take back some of that you know become more stronger with yourself so that you're not getting to sit like I I can get off these well let me tell you about a friend of mine who lives in Calgary her name is Shannon dug and Shannon is 48 years old now and uh when she was 37 she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer the stage four meant that the cancer was already in Her Bones by the time it was diagnosed at that time she had two young children age 1 and three and married to a well-to-do businessman she herself was a very high functioning executive for Microsoft and Calgary then she's diagnosed she had the perfect life perfect marriage perfect home of course and then she's diagnosed and healthy physically you know fit always ate well and then she's diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and she has a transformation now she gets the best medical advice she can get anywhere in North America and she traveled to New York and elsewhere she got the best medical treatment and with that she was given one year to live cuz that's the prognosis stage four despite the medical treatment chances are you'll be dead in one year now a year ago in February just a year ago now Shannon traveled to the Napa Valley of California with some of her friends and they celebrated her 10th year survival and her 47th birthday and the transformation that she experienced was that when she was diagnosed and started paying attention she realized that her life had not been her life because she was sexually abused as a child and uh her response to the abuse was of course as many children will experience it can't be about the adults it's about me so if I if this terrible thing happened to me I must be a very bad person so I have to be very good to compensate so the good daughter who doesn't talk about it doesn't disturb the waters the good employee the good student a good wife who doesn't talk about the husband's addiction issues CU that would again disturb the waters and when she's diagnosed and she decides she wants to live she says the hell with all this Perfection and goodness and she confronts her family of origin about the abuse that she had endured and she confronts her husband and she starts leaving an authentic and she leaves the job by the way which wasn't her wasn't really expressing who she was now 11 years later the cancer is still in her bones but it's completely inactive but she knows that if she wants to stay alive she needs to stay authentic so that I believe that many of these issues are reversable like I'm not promising a cure here to anybody but Shan really underwent a a major self journey and she continues every day to work at it and she she practices her spiritual uh ways which she ignored all those years and she pays attention to herself and she keeps clearing the stuff out and she is the picture of Health her and I give workshops together sometime so that there's ways to get there but it's a commitment and of course it might threaten the attachment relationships so that's always your call I was um curious about um any correlation with the um indoctrinate alcohol related birth defects and um and Trauma so so when we look at what you're presenting here about um Mind and Body Connection and um immune system so so you're speaking about a lot of about the hormones so my question is about um if the endocrine system is not developed fully because of alcohol related birth effects I I don't know the answer I don't I don't know the effect of I'm not expert enough to tell you if there's any correlation between alcohol effects and the hormonal apparatus the endocrinal system I do know that there's a correlation between trauma and their system that's what I've been talking about but I don't know the specific answer about alcohol it's a good question I may need to look it up uh are you telling me it's finished or you you have a question five minutes we got five minutes okay well look uh rather than take another question at the moment let me just ask you to take a couple of minutes and answer the following question for yourself in what area of your life are you not saying no I'm talking about where there's a no that wants to be said but you're not saying it those areas are usually work or personal relationships okay and I suggest you just talk to each other just tell each other at your table uh or a partner if you don't want to talk write it but have a conversation with yourself or somebody else at your table about where you're not saying no in your life uh that would be a personal relationship or uh on your job okay just have that conversation if you're on your own healing Journey Remember You Are Not Alone there are resources available to help you reconnect with yourself and find peace consider exploring sematic therapy joining a support group or seeking guidance from a trauma-informed therapist by taking these steps you can begin to rewrite your own autobiography and heal from the wounds of the past trauma can leave a lasting impact but it doesn't have to Define us as Dr Gabor mate suggests healing is about understanding our experiences and developing compassion for ourselves what resonated most with you from this talk how can we better support those who have experienced trauma in their lives leave your thoughts in the comments below thank you for joining us [Applause]

Channel: Inside Serene

Views: 36,222

Keywords: Can You Change Your Chronic Illness?, can ytou change ytour chronic illness?, chronic illness hacks, chronic illness and disability, how to cope with chronic illness, chronic illess hacks, chronic illess and disability, chronic illness adn disability, chronic illess adn disability, how to cope iwth chronic illness, how to cope with chronic illess, how to cope iwth chronic illess

Id: NcSh5vg3kfs

Length: 109min 42sec (6582 seconds)

Published: Sat May 18 2024